What Was Jane Austen's Love Life Like? How True is Becoming Jane, Tom Lefroy & Marriage Proposals

Did Jane Austen ever get married? Is the movie Becoming Jane true? What was the author of Pride and Prejudice's love life like? Well, in this video we look at Austen's romantic life including her youthful flirtation with Tom Lefroy made famous by the movie Becoming Jane.
We also explore other romantic possibilities in Jane's life, like her marriage proposal from Harris Bigg-Wither. Oh, and we address this issue of whether Jane Austen was just so dedicated to writing that she stayed single to be an author.
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🧐 Learn More
Austen, J., & Le_Faye, D. (1995). Jane Austen's letters. Oxford: University Press.
Austen-Leigh, J. E., & Sutherland, K. (2008). A memoir of Jane Austen: And other family recollections. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Honan, P. (2007). Jane Austen: Her life. London: MAX.
Jarrold, J., Hathaway, A., McAvoy, J., & Walters, J. (2007). Becoming Jane.
Tomalin, C. (2012). Jane Austen: A life.
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🕰 Watching Guide
00:00 What was Jane Austen's Love Life Like? [Intro]
00:50 Is Becoming Jane True? Movie Review
03:05 Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy's Becoming Jane Romance
04:09 Jane Austen and Letter Writing
06:05 The Historical Reality of the Tom Lefroy Romance
13:45 Tom Lefroy Names His Daughter Jane
14:38 Jane's and the Harris Bigg-Wither Incident
17:24 Why Jane Austen Never Married
17:35 Jane Austen Stayed Single to Be A Writer?
21:54 Jane's Love Life Sum Up
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#janeausten #tomlefroy #becomingjane

[@lorisewsstuff1607]

I think Jane's most under-appreciated writings are her letters. Most people seem to have this image of her being a slave to her writing. In her letters she is a normal person. She wrote about her everyday experiences like shopping and visiting people. She did have another love besides writing and that was embroidery, which her family said she was highly skilled at. She and Cassandra made shirts for their brothers that were in the navy and often made items to donate to the poor. Once they wrote about scheming to get one of their brothers to bring them fabric when he came home on leave so they wouldn't have to pay import taxes on it. As a sewist I can relate. She was a very busy woman that had a normal life. The letters make me want to know even more about her.

[@EllieDashwood]

This is such a good point! Her letters really help us see that her life was three dimensional and had so many different facets! That is so awesome about your guys common interest in sewing!!!

[@JacquelineViana]

And she was passionate about playing piano as well

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Jane Austen being flirty and her wicked sense of humour really makes my day.

[@EllieDashwood]

Her sense of humor is amazing!!! 😂😂😂

[@lizzyl-k5396]

Cassandra did the Regency Era version of "delete my web browser if I die" 😆

[@JacquelineViana]

I remember watching "Jane Austen Behind Closed Doors", a documentary with Lucy Worsley about Jane's life through the houses and places in which she lived. They do mention the period in which Jane and Tom were acquainted. However, Lucy talks about a letter in which Cassandra says that the real love of Jane's life was someone she met at Lyme Regis - and nobody ever found out who they were. I think it's very telling, considering that Lyme is the setting for a good part of the most emotional and tender of her novels.

[@menchualcarazmoreno1743]

I've read it too. And apparently this man died, so who knows, maybe she went to the edge to be married.

[@kirstena4001]

i have read that that was actually a confusion with Cassandra's life, as Cassandra's fiancé definitely did die before they could be married.

[@bookmouse2719]

Yes I heard it was Wordsworth's brother.....hence the name Wentworth popped up.

[@AndriaBieberDesigns]

I’ve seen that, that was a good show!

[@thiadesg]

Lucy Worsley wrote a whole book on Jane Austen, Jane Austen at Home. It is totally worth checking out too!

[@marshatolbert154]

Despite the anxiety of Mr. Lefroy's family regarding his and Jane's mutual growing regard for one another, I seriously doubt either of them would have considered eloping. Both would have been all too aware of the repercussions of such an action on both their families. I think it's important to remember that when Austen flirted with Mr. Lefroy, and received and ultimately rejected Mr. Bigg-Withers, she was in her twenties. By the time she published Sense and Sensibility in 1811, she was in her mid-30s. That's a lot of life experience for any woman, and Jane Austen had lost her father, had been uprooted from her childhood home, spent several impoverished years in Bath, years that were also creatively barren (though she certainly used those years as fodder later). She was only really able to allow her genius to flourish when she was in a more stable living situation. This was provided by her brother, who as I'm sure you know dear Ellie, had been adopted by wealthy relatives. What has always struck me about Austen's novels is the theme that seems to run through them all, and that is how difficult it is for young women to succeed if their parents (especially the fathers) don't properly prepare them, financially or emotionally or both, for their intended role in society. One could certainly argue that Austen's novels are also an object lesson in the injustice of women having such limited choices in the Regency era (or any other era, for that matter). However, Austen has always struck me as pragmatic in her actions, albeit romantic in her ideals. She wrote about the financial realities of her social milieu in a matter-of-fact way. Nevertheless, she imbued her protagonists with integrity, and they all yearn for true love as well as for financial stability. That's the other golden thread that runs through the novels. Her last completed novel, Persuasion, fairly throbs with longing (it's my favorite). Experiencing Anne and Capt. Wentworth as they struggle toward a second chance at true love, and almost blow it (!), thrills me every time. I think that may be close to Austen's own feelings in the last years of her life. I think she was a "bloom where one is planted" sort of person, but I also think she would not have been so determined that her own heroines find true love if she didn't want it for herself. I've always felt that Austen must have been aware on some level that she was running out of time, and that sensibility imbued Persuasion with a poignancy you don't find in her other novels.

[@di3486]

Wanting something doesn’t mean you’ll ever find or get it and I think that was Jane’s case.

[@laviniasnow4494]

I read somewhere, I don't recall now where, that the reason for all her main heroines having happy endings is because she didn't have one. I found it really sad at the time and I still do. 😢

[@Nicole-sf9vs]

Jane Austen basically mother of female gaze romance marrying without love is a way sadder ending compared to not marrying at all

[@di3486]

That was because she never got to be old and unmarried. In those times that was a brutal condition to live in.

[@143yese]

i think she understood too clearly what love was supposed to be and knew her worth too well to have been satisfied with anything less than the loves what she wrote of

[@kreeve0]

I always assumed that if any 'one true love' in Jane's life did exist, Cassandra would have done her damndest to keep it private. Similarly, for Cassandra to have kept the letters about her flirtation with Tom points to it being by that time just a funny anecdote and far removed from any pain she may have experienced at the time.

[@lindavernon8051]

I think so too. And I think she was being funny when she said she was crying while writing to her sister. It was just a little flirtation. Nothing more in my opinion.

[@Mary-cz5nl]

Yes, she burned many the remaining letters, a book by Diadre le Faye contains the remaining.....it deserves a read

[@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195]

That’s a really good point!

[@jennieeveleighlamond]

My husband, who is kind, hard-working, funny, a great listener, and at times, completely and utterly clueless, actually suggested his ex's name for our daughter. This is not what our daughter is named.

[@lisamedla]

😂😂😂i'd like to be a fly on the wall for this

[@jennieeveleighlamond]

@@lisamedla I had a high risk pregnancy, so we were in the car, heading towards yet another check up both of us were tossing out names. I said that I liked the sound of names beginning with N and he blurts out "Naomi!". I asked him if he really wanted to spend the rest of his life parenting his ex and hadn't he had enough of that already which was why she was his ex, to which he sheepishly says "I guess not."

[@lindavernon8051]

LOL! Yes, I’d say that’s the definition of clueless alright!!

[@sailorv8067]

​​@@jennieeveleighlamond maybe he started relationship with her because he liked her name first of all 😂

[@anieth]

You forget one big thing. Jane has a scathing intelligence and a humor bordering on sarcastic. To meet a man that she could "talk" to would have been important to her. She was interested in politics had brothers in the navy, probably read the newspapers, and was social with those in the know like her brother's French wife. She would have way outclassed the country squire types who could only talk about dogs. She might have married into the church, but I don't see her meeting a man who would have been okay with her social commentary. She would have just had a very hard time taking any man seriously, especially given the silly fops of the time who gambled and drank and rode to the horse. Tom LeFroy, obviously was intelligent enough to talk to. I think it was personality, but her lack of income may have also made finding a man very difficult.

[@jessica_jam4386]

Yep. I’ve always thought the line in Pride and Prejudice that Mr Bennet says to Lizzie about how he knows she can only be happy with a husband she completely respects was probably how Jane felt as well. It’s definitely how I feel. I’m in my thirties and still not married, but almost got married in my twenties to someone I in the end knew I wouldn’t be able to speak to and live with with them with the respect that’s needed in a good marriage. I love how Janes novels can be just as relatable hundreds of years after written.

[@jemajoy8839]

@@jessica_jam4386 hope you will find someone like Mr.Darcy who understands you are respect you ❤

[@jessica_jam4386]

@@jemajoy8839 thank you so much!😊

[@rj3892]

@@jessica_jam4386 I identify so much with Austen for the same reasons you mentioned. I'm also in my thirties and never married but I did have a broken engagement in my twenties. I'm also so glad I didn't marry that person! At this point I'm content to wait for that perfect match even if I don't end up finding it. At least I'll have more years of life (hopefully) than Jane did bc of modern medicine.

[@lori3056]

Omg. In regards to Tom naming his daughter after Jane - here's a story. My dad actually wanted to name me Laura - after his ex. He actually told people that was my name. Because of that my mom named me Laurell, but she originally wanted to name me July. They got divorced when I was 5. lol

[@yanan4249]

This reminds me of someone I actually used to know, who was named by his mother's first love. I don't know if his father knew it. But still, this things happen 😬😄

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Let’s just say that Jane Austen’s letters must have had some spicy takes we couldn’t digest 😂

[@jessica_jam4386]

That’s what I’ve always assumed lol. It’s why I hate becoming Jane as a Jane biography. Can you picture Hathaways Jane writing a character like Lady Susan or Lucy Steele? Nope. The Jane in that movie doesn’t have the wicked sense of humor the real Jane had.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Also, when it comes to ‘Becoming Jane’, weren’t Jane Austen’s parents SUPPORTIVE of her? The biopic seems to be more patronising Fan Fiction. We deserve better.

[@MehWhatever99]

It’s my understanding that her parents were supportive of her. Her father helped her sell her first book.

[@joyfulchristina]

It would have been rather hypocritical of her to get eloped since she so clearly was not in favor of it in her books. Marrying for money also would have been hypocritical. I think she remained true to her principles and we should admire that.

[@justincheng5241]

I am so so tempted to see Anne Eliot's longing for Wentworth as a reflection of Jane's longing for Tom. But I know that is a huge stretch, and as you stated it is very problematic to assume that her writing reflects her personal life.

[@brees3]

While Jane was a literary genius, it is difficult to ignore the similarities between certain aspects as Jane's life and her works. By no means am I saying her works are autobiographical. But there are common things that come up time and time again in her work that just seem too obvious to ignore. For instance, you can see her views on romance evolve over the years, not just because she matured but also because her situation changed. Going from being young and precocious, writing romance as this bright, optimistic endeavor (P&P) to growing older and more jaded and reflective, writing her heroines as regretful, less optimistic (Persuasion). I always got the impression there was a wish-fulfillment aspect to Jane's writing. Again, not saying Jane's heroines are self-inserts. But there is an air that Lizzie's outcome may have been one Jane was dreaming of for herself as a teen. And then later, we have Persuasion and a heroine regretting her decisions that have led her to a lonely life only to re-stoke the flames of a past love. Not only that but he's rich now and super eligible. And it just starts to feel like idyllic scenarios Jane may have been playing out for her own circumstances.

[@lindavernon8051]

I completely agree. What could have been was probably a huge comfort to her. Even if she was just making it up.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

James McAvoy is so beautiful to look at. He’s so funny too!

[@sagev.5818]

Agreed!!!

[@laviniasnow4494]

I enjoyed “Becoming Jane”. When I first watched it I liked it because it reminded me of “Pride and Prejudice” 2005. I had no idea it was based on Jane Austen's life at the time. When I learned this peace of information I did some research and was a bit disappointed, but only a bit. I still enjoy it very much and I take the historical aspect of it in, the same way I do when I'm watching “Titanic” or “Gladiator” or when I'm reading historical fiction. I find it great that this type of films and books make some people ask questions and want to find out more. 🙂

[@KH-hr5xm]

I really appreciate how you talked about her being a well rounded person. I don't believe she wrote off love all together so that she could be a writer. She writes so eloquently and knowledgeably about love that I find it hard to believe she wasn't interested in it herself.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

15:57 In Hindi, the saying is: “Kyun Na iss Dosti ko rishtedaari mein Badal dein?” (Translation: Why don’t we turn this friendship into kinship?) P.S. It’s used mostly ironically currently.

[@allisonschmidt732]

One of my favorite movies about Jane Austen’s life is Miss Austen Regrets - it’s based on her letters, and I think it is a much more accurate picture of her life and character than Becoming Jane. You should watch and review it!

[@mrs.heathcliff7379]

I just watched that movie a couple days ago.i agree. It is much better than Becoming Jane.

[@evewithwonder]

I think that maybe after thinking so much about love and marriage and writing so many great stories about it, she might have rised her own standards a little too high. After all, her stories were still fiction, and it's difficult for real people to live up to fictional expectations.

[@justincheng5241]

I finally watched Becoming Jane for the first time last night. While I enjoyed the acting, especially James McAvoy as Tom Lefroy, it definitely felt more like historical fiction in the same vein of Becoming Elizabeth and Philippa Gregory novels/movies rather than actual history.

[@LedgerAndLace]

Ooooh, I loved this, Ellie! I have a particular pet peeve about writers or directors who are blatantly, historically inaccurate and justify it by calling it "artistic license." One of the things I appreciate about Jane Austen is her observation about human behaviour and her descriptions of her characters and their interactions. I also know as a writer, that everything is material. Everything! I'll observe something or hear a phrase and think, "Oh, I've got to use that." We all know those stereotypes of bombastic aunts or pushy church ladies or blowhard, barky relatives or friends by association. There are any number of ways to disguise the original inspiration for a character or a scene: Gender, age, class, location, etc. Your description of how Mr. Lefroy was teased by his family is reminiscent of Caroline Bingley teasing Mr. Darcy. Whenever I read Caroline hanging over Mr. Darcy when he's writing to Georgiana, I imagine that Jane must have witnessed a similar scene, because we all know THAT girl. It may have only been one or two lines and then Jane embellished and wrote the rest for comedic effect. She is a master at subtlety, so it would never be obvious to the reader. Cassandra may have known who the inspirations were for different characters--hence, the burning of letters! Which, as you point out, are of a much more intimate nature and more revealing of authentic sentiments.

[@jospenner9503]

Artistic license makes more money than documentaries. That's why producers create those fan fiction movies.

[@vernaharris181]

I think Jane loved to flirt. I think Cassandra, with good intentions, thought that Jane’s privacy was more important than people wondering if Jane was more than flirty. Jane definitely wasn’t desperate and it could be that flirting was fun but she was also wise enough to know that entering into a marriage meant something more than parties and balls. Perhaps not finding the man whom she could live with beyond the gaiety just didn’t happen. I love that we, as fans, will never know...I am sure, as a writer, she has left plenty of clues and I am sure, as a writer, she did her job in keeping her secrets, secret. :D

[@erinmiller8269]

Would be fun to add Miss Austen’s Regrets to a video like this

[@EllieDashwood]

That's a great idea! I may have to do a video on that one some day! 😃

[@jessica_jam4386]

That’s a way better bio on Jane, even if it’s not completely accurate either.

[@KierTheScrivener]

I have steered clear of Becoming Jane, I have a question of do you think if she had lived older there would have been a possibility of marriage? She wouldn't have been considered as a wife to bear children but she was by all counts funny and humourous and a good companion. As she got older was there a possibility for her to marry a widower who had children of his own but wanted a companion?

[@cat_luvr6895]

I don't see why that would not have been a possibility...she would have made a wonderful stepmother.

[@ttiger86]

Well late 20s early 30s then was considered a spinster and didn’t she live to be in her 40s? She could’ve married an older man who was a widower with children at anytime in her adult life. She may not have chosen that route though for herself unless she loved the man.

[@di3486]

In those times, Marrying after 30 was almost unheard of for women, they would settle as “old maids” and Widowers would almost always marry a younger woman.

[@fruzsimih7214]

@@di3486 It was always possible for a widower who already had children to marry an older woman, often herself a widow. Thomas More married his second wife Alice when she was 40 because he needed someone to take care of his small children after their mother's death.

[@di3486]

@@fruzsimih7214 it was very rare. People want to bring modern sensibilities to time periods where that was almost unheard of. I think Jane just was one of those women that did not have romance written in the stars and I doubt she would had married just to be a companion if she really had that mindset of only marrying for affection.

[@christinepaige2575]

Because of her clear-eyed practicality and love for her family, I have to think that Jane -- though she didn’t love him at the time -- would have married Bigg-Wither if she thought she could grow to love him. At the end of a long night, she must have decided that that was not possible. The only other reason I can see for her rejecting him is that, while tempted by the future that marriage to him would offer, she may have suspected that his sisters (her friends) had bullied him into proposing. The thought of marriage to someone who didn’t love her would have been just as dreadful as the thought of marriage to someone she didn’t love.

[@lindavernon8051]

Oh interesting. That’s a good point. I was thinking that she thought she would be able to “bare it” because she liked the family so much and since she was good friends with the sisters, he was probably a really nice guy too. But she just wasn’t into him at all when she really thought about it. If that’s the case, it’s completely understandable.

[@aelfenpath]

It's always a happy day when Ellie Dashwood uploads! And I actually like and agree with your take on why Austen never married. I'm still rather new to dipping my toes into the world of her literature, beyond enjoying film and miniseries adaptations to her work, but I do find the idea that she never married because "she was a writer first and foremost" rather sexist and dehumanizing. I'm a writer, and I am happily in love. However, my love of my writing can exist peacefully with the love of another person. It's pure silliness! Anyhow, thank you for your video. I definitely need to get ahold of a book of her letters. I'd love to see more of her wit and charm beyond her books!

[@elle-says]

I've been on a recent Jane Austen binge for the first time in my life - I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice Emma. I agree with Ellie's perspective regarding the historical accuracy of the Austen "mythos". Instead of her writing autobiographically, I wonder if Austin was writing about wish fulfillment. The main couples in both Pride and Prejudice and Emma are just so perfectly matched - they are stories about how the complicated social, emotional, and financial aspects of romance all work out in the end. Granted two novels does not make a sample size large enough to make this analysis adequate. But I can't help but wonder based off of Ellie's video that she might have been writing about her own hopes because those complicated aspects never worked out for her.

[@cat_luvr6895]

From what I've gleaned, it seems that in real life Jane lost her head a bit and chased after Tom Lefroy with a Regency parallel to an infatuated high school girl's crush. It was out of character for her, but hey -- "we are all fools in love." The film "Becoming Jane" is beautiful. However, it is pure fiction. P.S.: Sounds like he was making sure to hide from her when he was in his relatives' house, right there under their noses. So he might actually have been ashamed of her interest in him -- at least directly in front of his relatives. In the end, she was obviously aware that it was over.

[@milotzispells9302]

My favourite Jane Austen biopic is Miss Austen Regrets, written by Gwyneth Hughes based on Jane Austen's letters and diary, with Olivia Williams as Jane and Greta Scacci as Cassandra. Highly recommend. As you said, much remains unknown and much is therefore necessarily speculation but I thought it was very atmospheric and felt true to the sisters' relationship in spirit.

[@Terryterryterryterryterry]

Thank you for the way you spoke about Jane Austen. A lot of people romanticize her or idolize her, which is understandable. I love her books. But she was human. Hearing you read her letters was cute and made her sound more "real". Especially when it comes to her never marrying. Some people may see her as a writing martyr, giving her life for writing, but that may not have been the case. Maybe she just never met the right person. Or maybe Tom was the right person, but the circumstances weren't right. Shame because she displayed such a deep understanding of romance and almost seemed to long for it in her writings. Pity she never had the happy ending she wrote about in her books.

[@norarjona]

Altought you broke my heart when you said Tom Lefroy did not name his daugther after my dear Jane 😅 I really loved your video, you are a very objective reader and very clear and articulate in speaking.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

I’m sorry to mention my thesis AGAIN but I remember reading about Eliza and she’s indeed fascinating.

[@JacquelineViana]

She definitely deserves a movie of her own

[@EllieDashwood]

She is super fascinating!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@JacquelineViana Absolutely.

[@TheTwara]

In her days she was seen as an anti- romantic! It is a ironic that today she is loved for being romantic!

[@SierraMascara28]

Great video!! I am here again to humbly ask you to do a video on Clueless and tell us how accurately they got the personalities of the characters to Emma 😜

[@N_0968]

She might have lived longer and struggled less financially if she had married so I’m kind of sad it didn’t happen.

[@EllieDashwood]

What other novels could she have written during that time if she had lived longer?!?! The mysteries. 😭😭😭

[@di3486]

Unfortunately, love is not in the stars for everyone.

[@menchualcarazmoreno1743]

@@EllieDashwood Would she have wrote at all, if she would have been married?

[@danielaf1487]

@@menchualcarazmoreno1743 - This is exactly what this video is about: did you even watch it?

[@menchualcarazmoreno1743]

@@danielaf1487 I did. Do you never know what a rhetoric question is?

[@evam5134]

I've been reading Jane Austen for several years and I'm so happy to swim by your channel. It gives such a fresh historical outlook. Great work for all research!

[@angelakesecker6291]

When I read Mansfield Park and just how critical the narrative voice is of Edmund's blindness toward Mary Crawford, I can't help but think that Austen was at some point thwarted by a rival that she deemed to be of a very questionable character. I imagine that the love triangle between Fanny, Edmund, and Mary was something that she had felt very much and that she enjoyed writing a better ending for for her Fanny's sake than what Fate had written for her own. I don't believe that everything Jane wrote was a reflection of her life, but I do believe that she was an "imaginist" (as Emma describes herself to be) and that she lived a life through her characters that she was not able to put into her own power to live. Sad for her, but happy for us. I believe that she may have written little and published less if her hopes had been realized. I love your channel, by the way! I have a question about entails: Would Mr. Darcy be able to purchase Longbourn while Mr. Bennet was alive, and allow the family to continue to live in that house? I ask because he must have spent some time considering how he could help Mrs. B in her future circumstances... and how to do so in a way that would keep her at a comfortable distance from his own family.

[@DaisyNinjaGirl]

OMG _Shakespeare in Love_ is like that, too. They make up all this bumf of how Shakespeare developed the plot of _Romeo and Ethel the Pirate's Daughter/Juliet_ from the crazy events of his life and... actually, not even a little bit like that. The plot came from a novella that had already been rewritten several times. Our Will was a great adapter. Have you ever seen _Miss Austen Regrets_ ? It's a biopic set in Austen's later life, with a lot of interest in her relationship with Cassandra and her niece Fanny, with various musings about guys she had turned down.

[@ginapiroli6136]

I love SIL, one of my favorite scenes is when he walks past a preacher who is trying to shut down both if the playhouses. As Will passes, the preacher shouts, " A plague on both your houses!" and you see Will's eyes light up.

[@DaisyNinjaGirl]

@@ginapiroli6136 I mean, yeah, it was a funny movie, but it was a funny movie because it ripped a bunch of lines out of Shakespeare and put them in a slightly different context. (I dread to think of some tender high schooler trying to make up for not doing their homework by riffing of the movie, though. ;-) )

[@LenaVorobey]

I would love to watch a video about other books like Jane Austen’s. Something like “ If you like Jane Austen, you will love these too”

[@kenna163]

I believe love can come after marriage. Just my personal opinion from how I was raised and how my parents' marriage was like.

[@eric2500]

Could this be the backstory behind "Persuasion" the couple that gets back together after years apart? Because that is the most romantic novel of the bunch.

[@ziegunerweiser]

A spirit so intelligent, witty, and clever I think it would be difficult to find anyone she would find to be interesting after any sort of initial infatuation. I imagine she would find most men to be disappointing and boring before very long.

[@ginapiroli6136]

I wouldn't dismiss that Tom named his daughter after Austen. My good friend, let's call her "Theresa" had a very short but very intense affair with a certain gentleman, it didn't work out, she returned to her husband. But when she ran into this gentleman several years later, he was with his infant daughter whose name was, Theresa.

[@kittyr6534]

Great video Ellie, really well researched and thought through as always 🙂

[@christinamanucy8037]

Very enjoyable, thank you! I’ve always had the sense that Austin’s view on marriage and love comes across very clearly in her characters conversations, I.e. Lizzie and Charlotte.

[@classicslover]

I'll may get kicked out of the clubhouse (treehouse?) for betraying my gender like this, but Ellie...NEVER underestimate how DUMB guys can be....even when they are husbands.

[@maijuk802]

Your videos are always so intriguing.

[@xochbr]

Good morning! Love your channel ! My absolute favorite is sense and sensibility, thank you for your work .

[@EllieDashwood]

Aw! Thank you so much for watching! Sense and Sensibility is awesome!

[@geoswan4984]

Lovely Ellie Dashwood, I came across the suggestion that Jane Austen met John Wordsworth, the sailor brother of the poet William Wordswoth. Someone named Constance Pilgrim wrote a book entitled Dear Jane, in 1971. She suggested the pair first met in 1997. So, in her early 20s, and his mid 20s. Pilgram has Wordsworth being the love that prevented her marrying anyone else. He was an officer on East India Company ships - not the Royal Navy. He died in February 1805, when the EIC ship he commanded struck a sandback when his convoy was near the Isle of Wight. Pilgrim has Jane Austen's love of Captain Wordsworth serve as the inspiration for Persuasion. So, do you know anything about Pilgrim's book? I gather most other authors discount Pilgrim's theory, as there is no evidence they ever met.

[@shammydammy2610]

I think that she was the one who best knew her life and what she wanted. So I respect her choices, and will go with neither...

[@del9100]

so excited to watch this!!!!!! thank you so much

[@EllieDashwood]

Aw!!! I hope you enjoy it!!!

[@suonatar1]

I love your content 🌹 Keep them coming, please 😊

[@AMir-ln8uu]

Yasssss!! I was waiting for this!

[@EllieDashwood]

Yay! I’m so glad someone was! 😃😂

[@JaazFlores5]

Hi Ellie, I really enjoyed this video! I reccomend you the movie Miss Austen Regrets, I'd like to know your thoughts about it, as it talks more abot her later years and death... it talks a little about Lefroy, another suitors, when she writes persuasion and other topics... thanks for all your research and awesome videos, take care and receive lots of love from a Mexican follower♡

[@skgreen222]

I think we’ve had this hyper saturation of this idea that in order to be a feminist icon or to be a strong woman one can’t love and want to be loved. That strong women don’t have partnerships, or are sacrificing said strength if they do. Dynamic and powerful women can always want children and partnership and to settle down in the countryside. This is part of what makes dynamic women actually dynamic. A myriad of wants, of things they can accomplish. We shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything in order to prove we are strong. We have always deserved to have it all.

[@skgreen222]

I think the idea that Jane didn’t want to get married comes down to the limitation of women in our minds. That they can’t be literary geniuses and also want to be loved or have children. That we can’t have merits outside of the home, we have to choose. Especially in a time such as the Regency Era, marriage could act as a security blanket allowing her to do what she wanted.

[@skgreen222]

if we push the narrative that interesting, intelligent, and motivated women can’t want to get married or settle down or have children, we give very little room to countless generations of trailblazers, authors, revolutionaries, activists, storytellers, etc. who’ve paved the way for us.

[@Cat_Woods]

I hadn't seen Becoming Jane, but I find it funny that they put Austen's fictional characters into her life. The thing that annoyed me about the movie adaptation of Mansfield Park (excellent movie, but not Mansfield Park - should have been called fan fic on Mansfield Park or something like that) was how much they put Jane into the character of Fanny. Fanny in the movie was given heaping helpings of Jane's life (including the change of mind about a marriage for a good life instead of affection) as well as the character of Elizabeth Bennett, and therefore lost the character of Fanny, which was quite different from either. I think Austen was making a point with that story that got lost. Though I'm not sure anyone would get her point now anyway, since the definition of virtue has changed so drastically since her day. A friend of mine always quotes her college professor that "all Jane's Austen's main characters are the same." I consider this proof that neither my friend nor her professor ever read Jane Austen, because actually all her main characters are quite distinctive. But when movie adaptations get made, they tend to make all the main characters into Elizabeth Bennett.

[@marylist1236]

Hi Ellie, loved the video, but here's my take on Jane Austen's "romance" with Tom LeFroy. I don't know if you have any other siblings, and If you do, where you fall in birth order, but I am the fourth child, & first girl in a family that had one more child than the Austen's had. I have also read the letters that are relevant to the story in the movie. As an older sibling, I have observed that younger siblings have an innate tendency to tease & drive their older siblings crazy. That being said, reading the pertinent letters, you can clearly see that Jane is teasing Cassandra. This inaccuracy is not exactly relevant to the story, but the movie shows Jane's developmentally disabled brother George living with the family, he did not. He lived with a care giver, who was also caregiver to Mrs. Austen's brother, who had similar issues

[@heathernewbold406]

This video is well done! I already know a lot about Jane Austen, but I learned much more!

[@sofiatgarcia3970]

When I watched "Becoming Jane" I was well aware it was fiction, but I confess I was curious to see how historically accurate it was. Hardly historical at all, I found out.

[@sarahdavis6412]

I love your content so much 🥰 in the future are you going to go into other novels such as jane eyre? And the characters? Im reading that one right now and I'd die for a break down if it by you!! I look forward to many more videos either way 😊

[@aeolia80]

My favorite Jane Austen biodrama is "Miss Austen Regrets". I don't know how accurate it is, but it felt more like what her life was like.

[@ginnieliebherr4245]

Hooray! I enjoyed this video

[@deeznutz7064]

14:15 well for all we know LeFoy didn't tell his wife about Jane. He could have also lied to his wife. "Oh honey I thought we were having a son. I wanted to name him after John the Baptist. I guess Jane will do"

[@laviniasnow4494]

Funny. The John part made me giggle.

[@elizip5132]

I love your videos 💕

[@EllieDashwood]

Aw! Thank you so much!!!!

[@jldisme]

excellent video! Thank you so much.

[@laneldacaples8070]

I saw Becoming Jane in the theater shortly after its release with a cousin who was also an Austin fan. When the credits rolled, a lady a few rows forward LOUDLY harrumphed and practically shouted, “That was stupid!!” And continued to decry the movie as she exited because Jane did not marry Lefroy. It made my cousin and I laugh, though we could never decide if the lady was ignorant of Jane Austin being a real person with an established history; knew JA was real, but didn’t know that she was never married; or just wanted an even more fictionalization movie with a revised happily-ever-after ending.

[@dancewithme1981]

I don’t think she should have eloped with Tom Lefroy, because his family disapproved, they would have struggled financially, and it would have been a scandalous thing to do. I also think she made the right choice to ultimately reject Harris Bigg-Wither. However, I would really like to believe that the destroyed letters pertained to one or more additional romances.

[@sylwuskak7065]

“I wanna name our first kid after my ex-girlfriend” - actually my father-in-law named his daughter that way 😂

[@EllieDashwood]

😂😂😂

[@sylwuskak7065]

@@EllieDashwood I'm not kidding. My mother-in-law told me that few days ago. She even still has letters from this girl to my father-in-law 😂

[@rosasutubechannel]

Why was he stupid enough to let her know that was why he liked that name !!!!

[@daarianaharis]

"I wanna name my daughter after my ex girlfriend"... well, my dad did that, and my mom accepted that. I have never understood that.

[@ameliecarre4783]

It's ok to want to be married for practicality AND affection both. If you have one without the other you end up as Marianne Dashwood described Willoughby's choices: he could have chosen like ce over money, but either way he was going to be bitter about the one thing he renounced.

[@laurak1545]

You speak so well :)

[@SF-ru3lp]

Great content. Thank you, Ellie. G Ire

[@cat_luvr6895]

Just imagine *what* Jane could have done with email! My head spins, just thinking of it... ✒️📧

[@susantescione8007]

Most ladies spent their mornings in correspondence. She still would have had nearly the entire morning to spend writing. I agree with you. I think her entire life would have been different and that would have affected the subject matter and story lines.

[@ZenZoneMeditations_]

I really enjoyed this video!! Are the known letters of Jane Austen published in a book or where can they be best found? I would really love to read them!

[@fanirivers4505]

Wonderful video, I enjoyed it a lot. I got to see the movie and it broke my heart, both turned out to be very successful after going their separate ways.

[@weekendmom]

John Warren was the real villain and weirdly hid it under a Mr. Collins exterior. He wrote the letter to the judge that was Tom Lefroy's uncle.

[@dearkirtana1303]

Exactly what I needed 😂💅🏽

[@EllieDashwood]

😃😂

[@Voronochka262]

She probably would have missed her sister too much, I think. I don't think she could have left her sister except for somebody she really loved

[@candle5676]

I lobe your channel sooo muuuchhh

[@katieflaxbeard1019]

I know it wasn’t historically accurate but I sure love the Tom Lefroy and love story Becoming Jane tells. I do like to think of Jane as happy, and I’m a romantic but I can honestly speak from my own experience that I’m happy single. I like to think that Jane like me if only ever falling in love once- and that it didn’t last-it would be enough to know it was felt and experienced once. Because it’s not something that happens everyday. I can imagine Jane was truly in love at some point because she knows love very well. If she didn’t get her own happy ending it was the gift she gave to all through her stories and for us who read them, over and over again.

[@lindavernon8051]

Yes. I agree. Even though she had a full life otherwise, she longed for what everyone longs for . . .true love.

[@ZackRekeSkjell]

Could you do a video on Cassandra’s life? She sounds like an interesting person as well!

[@amybee40]

On the topic of taking novels too much from life -- one thinks of the novelist character Eleanor Lavish from "A Room with a View" -- such a great scene in the movie when Cecil is reading her book to Lucy and she realizes she has been betrayed...

[@kathileedean3851]

I have never seen one of your Vlogs in which you mention ‘Miss Austen Regrets’. I did see ‘Becoming Jane’ and found it less than memorable, but I’ve watched ‘Miss Austen Regrets’ a couple of times and found it enjoyable, although in my limited study, impossible to authenticate. It speaks a lot to her broken engagement but intimates an intimacy with the pastor guy, can’t remember who, someone she continued to have some sort of (familial?) relationship with (I better go back and watch it again 🤪).

[@jessica_jam4386]

I’m not a big fan of Becoming Jane. It not only makes up so many things that never happened, but gets Janes personality SO wrong! In her letters she’s very funny and comes across as feisty with a wicked sense of humor. Anne Hathaway’s Jane came across as mostly humorless and reminded me more of just a random historical romance character that would be in a less interesting story than one of Janes. Edited to add that I also 100% agree with what you said about Becoming Jane making it seem like Jane doesn’t have imagination enough to come up with her own lines and characters and must’ve just copy and pasted characters and lines from people in real life. I’m always baffled that people love this movie, unless they are just viewing it as a separate historical romance film, and not an actual bio about Jane Austen.

[@TeresaMateusCordeiro]

I totally disagree with you: Jane in Becoming Jane was already an extremely and delicious ironic, observer and knowledgeable young lady. She grew in an era of many specific social standards and she delighted herself in finding out all the hypocrisy and misleading messages about love and happiness that had exactly those standards as direct causes. And, even being shy, as described in the video above, Tom LeFroy, being intelligent and sharp, would have more than appreciated these so very unusual characteristics of hers. I’m totally convinced that she was an extremely deep observer of the several conditions that would turn impossible some overwhelming passions to be converted in “approved relationship”, and turn possible the arranged marriages. I have a feeling that Jane was not at all a believer in “and they lived happily ever after”: she was a remarkable observer of the greyness and turned-to-be-only agreements of long term relationships: she even doubt, in spite of all the to each other passion shared, that Edward Ferrars and Elinor Dashwood would be able to control their lives financially in the future. And you can read also some male regrets of having lost huge passions, like Mr. Willoughby, or of being eternally bored-to-death in marriage, like Mr. Palmer. I believe that the talents of Jane Austen didn’t have anything to do with Tom LeFroy liaison, but exactly the opposite: her talents prevent her to run away in a passionate move towards a sacrifice of Tom LeFroy and a long life commitment that she would very hardly believe that would turn to the happily ever after, with the plus of any possible later resentment from Tom. Jane is one of my favourite writers ever, a wonderful era and it’s social conventions’ interpreter, a remarkable master of irony - very hardly downsizing to sarcasm -, a feminist and a specialist and strong believer in passions, but not in love, with the exception to the of parents to sons and daughters and vice-versa. I sincerely wish she lived - at least! - one overwhelming passion, with Tom LeFroy.

[@sagev.5818]

I adore the movie Becoming Jane as historical fiction and because I like a lot of the actors in it and I also admit to finding James McAvoy very handsome so I love his fictional version of Tom Lefroy. That being said, I do agree with you about how humorless the fictional Jane Austen in Becoming Jane is; the film makes it seem like Jane is, to quote movie!Lefroy, “a cut above the company” and that rubs me the wrong way because it seems unlikely that the real Jane Austen was like that. And I also agree with you and Ellie Dashwood that the real Jane Austen did not just copy and paste her real life into her books since her books are much more imaginative and witty than that.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Jane Austen’s love life was nothing short of a rom-com. I want that in my life.

[@EllieDashwood]

😂😂😂

[@di3486]

It was actually a sad one.

[@estrella125]

Enjoyed these comments from all your followers. Personal thoughts from this follower as to JA’s use of her personal experiences are usually limited to secondary characters such as Mr. Bennet’s husbandry/parenting skills (?) and the “younger-dominant sister” dynamic of Lydia and Kitty. After all, I feel Casandra destroyed the personal writing JA wanted to keep private on Jane’s instruction. It’s possible that the younger sister was dominate over the older.

[@mfhberg]

Thank you.

[@EllieDashwood]

Thank you for watching!!!

[@barbarabaker1457]

There's no biography scale for movies. You go in assuming it's almost entirely fiction, regardless of how interesting the persons real life actually is. More on her life would be a welcome treat by the way. This was fun. On sacrificing marriage for your work I think that was more in the realm of Florence Nightingale. There's actually a really good book on her life I think it's called The Nightingales I can look up the author if you want to know. But one of the things that includes, is a delightful diary of her mother during Florence's first year of life.

[@di3486]

Simply, romance is not in the stars for everyone and I think after a while, she probably did not find anyone she would be inclined to marry.

[@ClaireInTheAire]

*Rolls up sleeves and pulls out The Script Writer's Bible* Time to write a new movie

[@debbiefindlay9312]

Ellie, have you read this book,Cassandra's Sister by Veronica Bennett? If so, what did you think about it?

[@joyoung2483]

Jane's life turned out exactly as it was meant to - which was to our benefit!

[@seanlander9321]

Did D’Arcy Wentworth feature as Darcy in Pride and Prejudice? He fits the picture very well in his youth.

[@lllowkee6533]

Jane Austin wrote with feeling and in my opinion one of greatest love stories ever. I’m obsessed with P&P. ( The 1995 movie sealed the deal for me.). It’s seems so sad she died before being fulfilled in marriage?

[@eric2500]

Haris Biggs Wither sounds like a character name from Charles Dickens!

[@couberry4513]

Oh the glee with which I am writing this is tremendous!!! 😂 My sister did just that to her husband. He isn't really a great person, she is kind of a so so one at that too. But when I heard her first son's name was what it is I could not stop laughing. 🤣