Finding who I am after recovery

[@EmThrives]

Such an important topic! I honestly think a huge reason why I kept relapsing was because I didn't have an identity or really want one outside of my ED. Everytime I would "physically recover", I would resort to relapsing after a short period of time because I didn't see any point in having a healthy body. Really embracing being kind of a "blank canvas" and playing around with being curious about what I wanted my life to look like was actually a huge challenge, but now I have such a profound appreciation for nearly every experience I get.

[@MsHayleyCooke]

Mia is back! Her off the shoulder tops are back.

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

MsHayleyCooke She loves an off the shoulder top.

[@tomatof]

This is what I need to hear, thank you, though I am still trying to sort out the life stuff while recovering. The thing about recovery is that when I started eating enough, my depression did become better, so I thought maybe after I recover, I would be able to figure out things in life, because I would have much more metal space. I have the expectation of the picture after I recover, idk how much progress I have made, still I am so confused about life & etc, so sometimes I am so scared even after recovery I will still be the same, having no clue towards life.

[@Cessie93]

I'm really struggling with finding who I am. I'm weight restored, but right now I feel like I'm really close to a relapse. I don't know who I am if I'm not eating disordered. It feels like that and all my other mental health problems are the only interesting things about me. I had a really bad anxiety attack yesterday over the fact that I'm not that skinny anymore, I'm not "the skinny one" if I'm in a group. That's just so hard to accept, because if I'm not the skinny one, who am I? Part of me just wants to lose a bunch of weight, go back to obsessing about food and my size, and hopefully end up back in IP where I felt safe. I don't really know where to go from here.

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

You can't fuck up who you are Cessie. Whoever you are without the eating disorder is wonderful and loveable. No matter what.

[@amandajacobs57]

I'm so happy you posted this. I've been on a long recovery from depression and I'm finding time to do the things I love and finding new interests and I'm glad I'm not the only person who ended up changing after I started to get better.

[@felicitykatharina8818]

Just a big thank you. I was falling down a deep hole and the stumbled across your videos. They made me realize I had a problem and open up to my family. My mom also had an ED and helped me not falling deeper. Now your videos make me keep going.You don’t romanticize eating disorders & recovery but still show recovery is possible and no one is perfect. So a big THANK YOU! from Germany.

[@SF-op5ix]

Felicity Katharina That’s awesome! Thanks for sharing!!

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

Felicity Katharina Amazing news!

[@fritzmcbride4108]

I am not a ED survivor but these videos are helping me get through this crisis. I have generalized anxiety disorder and while it’s not the same as an eating disorder...there is a lot of advice that you provide that transfers over and helps me SO MUCH. So thank you ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻

[@marta7164]

That is exactly what I feel now to the point I almost am ashamed of being 25 and having no idea who am I, what I want to do and what can I be good at. It's so scary to let go the idea of being perfect, because somehow in my subconsciousness that is the only way I can be loved and successful and happy, but ironically at the same time that is the reason which stops me from doing anything with my life, because I am so scared of failure. And I feel there's such a pressure on us to know what we want, have an outstanding career and be successful at everything we do. And it's so hard to find yourself when you're in such a vulnerable place when you don't see much of a value in you beside what's outside, but you also want to change your life, because somehow in all of that mess you care about yourself. I absolutely love what you do, Mia, you give me hope it is possible to overcome it and have a good, healthy relationship with my own self.

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

Marta There is SO much good stuff ahead for you. I think it would be more strange to meet a 25 year old who had it all figured out - all part of the process.

[@marta7164]

@@WhatMiaDidNext thank you! You must be right, on a good day I am really excited to who I will become and where life will take me and meeting people like you who are so kind and spread such an amazing message is genuinely motivating and heart-warming. I watch your channel for over a year along with going to a therapy and I am in much better place, still lots to do, but I know it's a process. You are a great role model proves us it is all possible and so worth it! Lots of love!

[@EmThrives]

Being/feeling like a metaphorical "blank canvas" is scary but it's also an incredibly beautiful opportunity

[@marta7164]

@@EmThrives that's so incredibly lovely of you, thank you very much!

[@lauraramosdelgado]

Really needed the clarity from this video. Especially the part were we can let go of perfectionism. Lots of us (at least me) are fixated on being PERFECT when the only thing required is to be ourselves. Thank you for this channel, for these videos, you have been such a tool to identify behaviors that were really off in my life.

[@nuageceleste3554]

Love your channel Mia! A year ago I never would have never thought that one day I'd feel pleasure without guilt. Stopping dieting is not as easy as deciding to. I have to constantly question the inner disordered voice's monologue that keeps wanting to control me. I notice it in so many of my female friends and family and it's so counter productive and cruel. I'm really wanting to speak out about it too, it's a plague upon humanity. Keep posting your incredible and relatable content. xxx

[@lavinia1184]

I just wanted to let you know that thanks to you I've decided to seek therapy for my ED for the first time after avoiding it for years. Quarantine made me realise that I really haven't been tackling it head on and I'm sick of being in quasi-recovery ✌️ Thank you so much for making these videos, they've been a great source of comfort in some really dark times. Hope you and your loved ones stay well / safe! ❤️

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

Lavinia Amazing, so happy to read this!

[@lavinia1184]

What Mia Did Next 😊❤️

[@rachaels6538]

I hate running too! I wish I loved it but I just don't. This was helpful. Thank you. On point.

[@abigailgade4945]

You , damn the diets and follow the intuition have kept me on track 🤗 . Yal are doing great things

[@katespalding2134]

Why have I waited so many decades to try to recover. Thank you xxx

[@mimithompson7188]

Thank you so much for the wonderful working that you do, Mia! You have been such an enormous part of my recovery. The community you have created is truly a beacon of light. Stay safe & have a lovely day. :)

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

Thank you so much!

[@carryon4123]

YES THIS WAS HELPFUL OMG I cannot express in words how helpful this was thank you so much. I will get back to this video many many times I reckon. I needed this today SO MUCH. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much this channel means to me. Hopefully someday i'll be able to put it into words. Have a good one!

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

Carry On So happy it helped!

[@mrooneyfox]

I'm really proud of sticking to things that I initially sucked at. My younger self would have quit immediately. Today this attitude has given me some of my most rewarding hobbies.

[@shaliedonk9198]

You’re amazing. I love your perspective it’s so refreshing to see such transparency

[@maryjanekeenan5189]

I’ve found you such an inspiration. You’re the first you tuber I ever watched about recovery, the first that prompted me to consider the possibility! I didn’t find you to have the specific path for me but you were absolutely the ignition ! I will always find value in your input to this community and thank you greatly. For being such a provoking human with passion and experience.

[@creatingalifeworthliving2727]

Thanks for this video Mia, it's absolutely hitting the nail on the head, for what I am experiencing right now. Trying to rediscover passions and find new ones, is hard and quite overwhelming, when the ED has became ur identity for so long. Simply not knowing where to start, but wanting to be the 'shiny penny' of yourself so badly! Thanks for keeping it real hun xx

[@mooshees]

Thank you! This was a much needed video. I'm still taking steps towards recovery, and this pushed me in the right direction. Some days I can't even imagine finding my old identity, given that this disorder has plagued me for the majority of my life. Your talks are inspiring ❤️

[@hailhex]

Man, I think the timing of this video was absolutely perfect for me. I'm in this sort of stage where I don't necessarily know if I want to recover and the best I can do is hold onto the hope that someday I'll understand that this is the correct decision and that there's so much more to life than obsessing over calories and my weight then having that either push people away or worry about me constantly. I don't know how to do this for myself and I don't know how to want it, and a big part of that is my lack of certainty as to what kind of person I'll be once I've gotten out of it. I've always been so uncertain as to the person I'll become as recovery goes on, but I don't think I've ever truly known how to vocalize or even properly understand that. Maybe it's because I've already known the things I'm interested in, but it's hard to invest time when you're always obsessed with food, it's hard to invest energy when you're running on empty just lying in bed, and it's hard to find new interests when it doesn't feel like there's any more space left in your brain. I also really, really, REALLY want to start a recovery channel because I feel like I haven't seen myself in any recovery channel I've come across--trans, disabled, autistic, and it's all complicated immensely by dissociative identity disorder--and because of that I know I'm not the only one with these experiences that aren't being reflected in the any recovery channels I've come across thus far. And I think maybe this video clicked into place the last thing that I needed to to turn my current interests and my desire to make my own channel into the actual, proper motivation it wasn't before.

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

Jonah Edwards You definitely should start a channel - we need so much more representation!

[@hilarybilary9145]

I have been doing value work with my therapist and that has been very helpful not only in separating my ED from myself but also finding out what truly matters. If I focus in on my values I am more able to separate myself from the ED which is extremely helpful. It's still a work in progress but I am getting there!

[@myastar3082]

I just wanted to say that you are such a beautiful kind soul. I'm so glad you are talking about this.

[@-melanie-1115]

Hi Mia, thanks for this video. I felt immediately that although I did not go through an eating disorder (just interested in it and like your channel), it is also helpful for me - who is getting used to a chronic illness and went through a very bad period of illness. Discovering myself again. Thank you!

[@katefunnyvideos7427]

I’m starting to reach out to my friends and they were so kind, they understood that I was very ill and now I’m recovering and they want to reconnect with me! I am so happy🥰 But I know that I still have to explore my interests, because my mind is always thinking about food and that shouldn’t be my focus !

[@amandaclare9057]

Once again, another life changer. I have had many intuitive thoughts that you have really validated for me.

[@kimh.9124]

Mia, this video was just wonderful! There are so many positive things I could say, but I think I'll keep it simple and say, "Thank you!" Thank you for continuing to share authentically about the beauty of this imperfect journey!

[@connielillis6508]

Really relate to the parasite metaphor! I once convinced myself I actually had a parasite and it felt like it would be an easier to blame my struggles on this. I'll use this now to fight it!

[@jazzinboulder5888]

Wow!!! “I did something which I felt was reflective of my values, and who I was and my skills and what I’m good at. And it felt good to be good at something, even though it was totally unexpected. And that was one of the biggest rebellions against my eating disorder past, because it would only ever try something if it knew I was going to be good at it or I was going to be successful and this was such an experiment, this was so about being curious and being like, it feels good, that’s reason enough to do it...I just stayed curious, I just kept an open mind.” That’s a whole career counseling course right there, free with your unpaid subscription. 💕🌈 I’m just beginning to work on creating an online business (which is kind of the only business model left for a few years if you’re not lucky enough to be in Australia or New Zealand LOL) and this is incredibly helpful and inspirational.

[@heartstringsduets]

This qas genuinely eye-opening. I admit to watching a lot of recovery youtubers but that helps me, so I think right now that's what I need, but I with therapy and other videos, I haven't felt like it was quite as revelatory as this video. So thank you. Of course I won't return to the old me. All I will gain back is health and with that all that ED has given me positive will come with. By that I mean: better body image, better communication skills, knowing which people I want to keep in my life, honoring my feelings more. All this will be so useful to a healthy body. Why am I so afraid to let go of this in-between quasi state, when I won't lose anything positive? thanks so much.

[@jordanmartin-collins4669]

i really needed to be reminded of this. thank you 🙏🏽

[@dorottyapertz9241]

Your thoughts are so gentle and helpful:)) Im so grateful for your videos that consider deep questions like that.You helped me on my recovery journey so much,thank you.You are a wonderful human Mia.

[@paulafehrmann8728]

Thank you Mia for sharing this! I loved this video and it's great that I can come back and watch it again many times haha. I'm exploring my interests and passions beyond my ED right now, so this was super helpful to hear.

[@ChanelCoco-pk7mp]

So glad I found your channel x you’ve been absolutely amazing and I always know your content is incredible and reliable x sending lots of love to you x

[@empoweringmindsets6667]

Hey, I always wonder how we can tell when we are fully recovered from the Eating disorder? I have lived with Anorexia for a while and whilst now I am currently in the longest recover i’ve ever been in and i’m aiming for FULL! I feel like I am not engaging in ED behaviours anymore and that I am doing good, but I don’t feel fully recovered yet because I still hold trauma, memories it took me through.. dealing with healing trauma, self growth.. acceptance.. all that stuff.. anxiety etc.. because of all that It somehow links to my ED and I wonder if those are seperate and that the memories and trauma from the ED don’t have anything to do with ED recovery itself? And that it might be a different recovery?? Ahh that was a whole ramble 😂😭

[@pamelapoet9]

Empowering Mindsets: The ED will try to latch on to painful memories and trauma wounds to convince you to resist recovery and return to the ED's false promises of salvation. You're in your longest period of recovery. Awesome! KEEP GOING. Recovery heals your body and your ED mindset. It would be great if it healed everything in the mind, past hurts and traumas and painful memories. It doesn't. But what recovery does do is bring you to a healthier, stronger place where you can tackle and cope with the past. It enables you to reach out and find the professional help and the support that you need. And that you deserve.

[@10rz]

Great and insightful video as always Mia! Thank you for your channel :) I was wondering what your take on competitive eaters/eating competitions is? I've always felt very on the fence on whether it is an extreme sport/activity or whether it is dangerous and engaging in ED behaviours. Apologies if you've been asked this question before, would love to hear your views.

[@stellarose013]

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has an interest in cults 😅. I feel like a weirdo for it, but the topic honestly fascinates me.

[@WhatMiaDidNext]

stellarose013 So fascinating!

[@xMaryseMizfit]

thank god for you, Mia.

[@greernorton8419]

Love this video. Can I ask you for s that clock behind you not working 🙂

[@AZKflamenco]

I think your off the cuff talks are awesome 👏🏼..... it’s definitely true that we are constantly evolving and changing and learning. I’m so grateful for the good times I had (and intend to have again in the future) but I have learned even more from the struggles too. So nice to hear wisdom on this topic as always 🤗💜...also nice work on the upcoming collab.... can’t wait (better check my time zone lol) 🥰

[@SlaydelRey]

Mia! Would you be willing to make a video discussing subs on reddit like fatlogic and how to navigate these and other weight adjacent subs as an ED sufferer/survivor? I feel like this topic comes up a lot on posts and a lot of people would be interested in your thoughts!

[@georgie8430]

Thanks for this! What books would you recommend to reimburse the connection between the mind and body and away from diet culture and perfectionism?

[@Alice-In-WonderMalham]

The Fu*k It Diet is honestly amazing!

[@RobinPalmerTV]

I love you, Mia.

[@khaddy427]

what a video! :D i love it!

[@athenatanyimin4035]

Can i just say that I like sleeping? I just want to sleep all the time. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing 😅 Also, where's Lola? I miss her 😍

[@isabelsmit9609]

yaaaaaay love ur videos 🥰