When A Narcissist Says, You Deserve Better

[@emilyogles4942]

By the final discard I didn't try to fight for it anymore, I was so worn out 😂

[@baldersn4474]

They always tell u if you really listen..

[@Cyzure]

🤣😂 I like how much u swear lol No sugar coating. Mr Chicken is a good emotional support too, cute chicken, u earned a sub. Video was funny and informative. The switching back n forth from pleasant voice at the beginning to the unfiltered swearing is hilarious.

[@lisarodriguez6966]

I've heard this phrase myself, and I've heard it said to others. I see it as a truth (they mean it) and a warning of what's ahead. Thanks for covering when someone with NPD says it.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

I have never said this. I find it cowardly.

[@lisarodriguez6966]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE and there is no better than you, anyway. 😉

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

@@lisarodriguez6966 Awe, Shucks. 😂

[@ryankeefe2102]

I remember clear as day her (my ex) having a meltdown her looking at me "you don't deserve any of this you love me TOO much" not 6 weeks later she left

[@johnpeden2039]

They either say you deserve better, Don't waste your weekends/time on me, or I feel like I'm stringing you along

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

That's a warning. "If you stick around and get hurt, it's all on you". At least she's honest.

[@johnpeden2039]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Absolutely cluster B.. This is what she told me, when she invited me over her house, 3 days after she discarded me.. Back in May of last year.. Then as I'm leaving her house, her telling me she loves me.. Then later on that night, I noticed my number was blocked and I was unfriended on facebook.. But I'm proud of myself for not chasing her.. Now she still has my belongings, and haven't given them back, getting calls from private and unknown numbers.. A month ago, I gotta text from her kids, who I had built a strong bond with.. But I've watched alot of your videos for several months now.. And learned how narcissists will use there own kids as flying monkeys..

[@deanapatterson8410]

Or... im just a piece of shit ,dont waste your time on me. Its all manipulation of sympathy and guilt tripping. They will prey on your pity and instill or RE instill that victim mentality. And it works. Especially on an empathetic person, or someone who thinks they can fix this person. Or like youll b some magic potion and all of a sudden they will change and be reborn.. so you fall for it. Its your comfort, your emotional support, you are security to some of these people. You are a fixer. Their problems mostly, and all the while they will tell you and show how much they love you and you are their rock... BUT... then to find out after all you invested, they have been saying the exact things and feeding the same bullshit to someone else. So the other person is giving all that energy too, now. Double supply, Double emotional support and comfort for this person. Not to mention everything else. Financially, material things, whatever "supply" they need. And theres alot of different things you can be good for. Yea its a shit show.

[@lisarodriguez6966]

@@deanapatterson8410 I would say it's the most grandiose of all, thinking "I'm an empathy unicorn, and by will alone I'll love you right outta the repeated trauma of your childhood". Yeah, ok.

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

This always was a great mystery to me but this video helps me understand, I think! Why my upset angered him so much?? Because it is criticism to his behaviour I guess? Well, if he tells me to f*** off and die, and I am crying as a result of this remark, and as a reflex to my crying he raises his fist and almost punches me in the face, barely being able to restrain himself, shaking with anger and hatred...- if this is because my crying is perceived as criticism and he can't take it, then there is absolutely nothing one can do but save oneself..!

[@Ipdex]

After about a month my BPD ex told me that she's a shit girlfriend, is shit at relationships, and that she was just a pleasant distraction for me. We hadn't;t even entered the devaluing and belittling stage yet, that started around 3 months in. I left her after 18 months of chaos and arguing and her insisting she was validated in everything she said or did. I'm trauma bonded - I still miss her 5 yrs later..

[@deezgex]

I know this all to well. 4 1/2 years together, engaged to the one i felt the most comfortable and close to and in the end fully made everything across the board my fault just a week after telling me she so thankful for me in her life and all i do. Then tore me apart and avoiding everything she could in the end. 7 months now and she moved on that quick without a care in the world. All the building me to believe and buy into how important i am overall to absolutely nothing just over a few days apart without actually talking.

[@scdundee12]

Just heard that recently from a romantic prospect several times. This gives me confirmation. Thank you! BTW, you're killing it up here. Thank you for your contribution to better understanding.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

You're Welcome! 🌈

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

Hi Sara, just wanted to say that you look so radiant, there's a spark in your eyes and I hope it means you're doing great. 🙂 Very insightful video as always. I love how straight forward and uncomplicated you express yourself. Not everyone can do that, especially with complex subjects.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Thank you! 💗

[@stephenhimes8782]

My cheating narcissist girlfriend has did this many times

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

The next time you hear these words, believe them. If you stay, you don't believe you deserve better OR you're falling for the pity play of their own self loathing.

[@baldersn4474]

Yeah I had all this...Even when final disgard she said, ' your free to date who u want now...Why don't u date a woman who isn't disabled like me..!?

[@deezgex]

Mine told me this in the love bomb stage

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

She was idealizing you in the beginning.

[@deezgex]

@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE yes and she constantly went back and fourth doing it even right before the last breakup years down the road

[@AngieSainty]

I have learned not to criticise, not to complain, not to be ill, or sad or having a bad hair day. I don't tell him about my joys or my sorrows. I don't try to share anything, or hope for anything. It is better that way.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

That is not a relationship. You sound like a plastic doll or action figure rather than a person.

[@AngieSainty]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE I have fought it for 30years. Even gone out by myself but when I take one step forward I get knocked back three. In the last three years, I have lost my job and my home. He is there to offer me crumbs. I rent his place for $350 a week. I am scared that if I complain, he will kick me out. Nothing new to me. I tell you, if I had a better option, I would take it. Yes, I am a plastic doll .... the World is forcing me to take his hand ...:/

[@AngieSainty]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkEIf I had Money or another Option ... I wouldn't be a 'plastic doll' ....it is how i cope in a bad situation :/ What other Option do I have? No one wants to employ me ... i am ageing and not in good health. He knows that. I cant afford the rents here in NZ ... an average place to live for a single person is at least $500 pw .... there are over 250,000 people here in NZ living in Emergency Housing .... the people who have kids, get first priority. Older perople like me, find themselves living in tents in caravan parks. I have worked all my Life, I never thought I would find myself in this situation. No one wants to employ me .... I have health issues and ongoing medical tests. My person lives in a Fantasy World ... reminincing about his narcissistic Mother and family of Origin ..... obsessed with his grown Children .... I don't even get a look in .... :/ Sam said I am Idealising him because I fool myself into thinking I am dealing with an Adult. :/ He is not Aware ... but I do think he knows what he does, he just doesn't know what Compels him. I feel like I am always in some sort of Competition with him. Best if I do 'Grey Rock' and act like a Plastic Doll. At least I get to have a place to live and take what ever he wants to offer. Beggars can't be Choosers. :/

[@AngieSainty]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Now I am taking your Advice about Trauma Bonding him. Not ideal but it is all I have. :/ It is kinda like witchcraft ... very manipulative. :/ He wanst all the Supply and i will give it in degrees, so as secure my living situation. His Energy is exhausting :/

[@AngieSainty]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Sadly for him, I am not a 'plastic doll' .... if I was he would be happy. Even now, he thinks I am because I don't react. It sutis him. If I won the Lottery tomorrow .... I would be outta here! Am I a victim? Or maybe just a victim of circumstance? :/ Narcissists can suck all the years and life out of a person :/He wants a Plastic Doll .. well, he got one. :/ Sadly for him, Plastic Dolls aren't good for lively Supply ..... now I am boring. Now, I am just navigating how to keep myself from being Homeless. :/

[@user-mr3le4hs4e]

Yes I heard that. Now I know better 😑

[@debralavorata546]

Sooooo true!! I went from being great,to friend zoned to leave me alone and back again....takes fortitude for sure,thanks Sara,say hi to Mr.Chicken

[@DD-es6qd]

Always wanted to know what this means…and when they say this they still keep trying to talk to you…

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

If they keep reaching out it's bc they like what you have to offer. But you will not benefit in the long run. They're not good enough for a relationship (bc they're not changing their bad behaviors), but you're good enough use for attention, sex, and services.

[@DD-es6qd]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE got it thank you!

[@kurehanzo]

I was severely depressed during what felt like a devaluation phase and my over-sensitivity, anger and sulking were part of it and I was frustrated by how he treated me differently compared to prior phase but he wouldn't communicate. This is exactly what he said to me when he left me for someone else he was going to marry a week later; "you deserve better, I don't deserve you." and whatnot. Not long after I was thinking to myself about what he said, "He doesn't deserve me, but he deserves HER?? Isn't that what it mean?" I felt like a lower tier or something, but also disgust because I realized it was BS. And yes he asked to stay friends.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

When someone is constantly hurt from our behaviors, we are going to get tired of the hypersensitivity. We're going to think you are being manipulative with your guilting tactics. But the new person he's gong to marry? He either doesn't know her very well yet, she argues back, or threatens to leave bc she doesn't need him; triggering his abandonment. Staying friends is just his groupie collection. He will show back up when he needs emotional support to boost his self esteem.

[@kurehanzo]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE I can feel the truth in this. Thank you for replying and gave me more insight into it! ☺🙏🏻

[@nadineo1983]

My situation is different but similar. Me and my ex were together. We planned a baby. He left me 9 months pregnant out of the blue and got another woman pregnant 3 months later and stayed with her. He failed to disclose this information for 2 years to me. I had no idea her or her child existed. I started talking to her about a week ago because our kids are siblings. Apparently she knows nothing about his trauma or that he is even traumatized. He had told me all the details of his trauma while we were together. So I guess he decided that it was safer for him to be with her than with me. It's so hard to understand what just happened after a narc fucks with your head.

[@josephdravis7043]

Not everybody masks up at the beginning of a relationship: authentic, transparent people exist.

[@josephdravis7043]

You’re just not one, but you should be.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

If you tell someone every single flaw and trauma right when you meet someone and you think that's ok, you've got some codependent work ahead of you. Everyone puts their best foot forward for each other when they first meet.

[@GalickGon]

I haven’t watched much content recently as I feel like I’m out of the healing phase mostly. This video did pop up and the title got me. I remember my ex saying this exact thing. Sadly I did what you mentioned, and grasped for straws at that point. I’m glad you’re putting this info out there as it’s a gentle reminder that I was too good to someone who didn’t deserve it. Thank you

[@productofbelgium]

You nailed it and you have a very soothing voice. Just what i needed. Nice Myers mask by the way ! Gotta love Mikey !

[@deezgex]

Mine did the opposite of this but she did tell me she would do me bad in the beggining. In the end she told me she did everything. And she hoped i know she tried but she was done and she is pure love and my love is not etc etc

[@RichardLeung-y8t]

Just found this channel. This woman has a good vibe

[@Magnus_Kitty]

Yep, this is triggering lol. One night was told "You're a really nice person, it's what I've always admired about you" and "You're a good person, you deserve the world" Then the next day was discarded like piece of shi* he was scraping off the bottom of his shoe. No discussion, nothing. Obviously he didn't think that much of me. Good riddance I guess. I don't understand how someone can be that sweet and then that callous at the same time.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Tonight I watched a TikTok where the guy talked about tossing away a good woman. He said that she was too good for him, and he couldn't measure up bc of his low self esteem. It was him, not her. So think of it as, he thought TOO much of you. Don't dim your light for anyone.

[@Magnus_Kitty]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Thanks for making me feel better, it just doesn't always feel like this is true at times. He would tear me down a lot verbally too to try and get a reaction...are there reasons for why they do this? Projection or insecurity? Like I said it's so weird he's either really sweet or really nasty.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

@@Magnus_Kitty Both, projecting how they feel about themselves (insecure).

[@deezgex]

I wasnt complainin when i got told this about i deserve better then her

[@deezgex]

But more towards the end she would say she deserved so much more

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

Go buy new stuff - hahaha, I love it!! So true!! There is something so cathartic about new stuff and a new beginning!! :-)

[@surfshack2]

You can’t remain friends after you had a romantic relationship. No way man. Good luck with that.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Was that said to you?

[@surfshack2]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Negative. I felt it in my heart.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

@@surfshack2 Got it. If she didn’t work on the relationship while you were in it, no back up for her.

[@surfshack2]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE I loved that b*tch 🤣

[@surfshack2]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE She couldn’t , she had serious anger issues and alcohol, drugs and dealing with a failing liver.

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

Here's something (at least to me) interesting: recently found an old email from my ex from 10 years ago in which he said whenever he tries to open up, he feels as if this is literally going to kill him, like he won't survive it. It felt as if he had something within himself he found unlovable, and that may have been just perceived unloveable-ness without reason stemming from rejection in childhood, or there may have been something real that actually may have put me off. Or perhaps it was just the act of opening up and nothing more. I had completely forgotten about this email, I just remember that at the time I literally did not know what he meant and just felt confusion while trying to be there for him and making him feel safe. I feel like a sheep (in a non-derogatory way), as if Mr. Wolf told me something important, like a warning, and sheep didn't get it, lol. It flew right above my head. Still not sure what it meant, but hindsight 20/20 regardless. Namaste.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

What he was 💯 honest and accurate. No manipulation. But he doesn’t know how to move through these uncomfortable emotions and that resistance gets blown up in your face. The person who hurts the most, will destroy others. Example: The man/woman who tells you they never loved you and disappears from your life. They don’t love themselves and use you to punish their own broken child that feels unloved. This doesn’t mean they did love you. But they needed a mirror to break. If your ex DARED to expose this truth (and I’m very impressed with his self awareness), you were important. If I don’t care about you, you will never get a crumb of vulnerability. It almost makes me want to throw up just thinking about those feelings. No thank you.

[@shoncaldwell4359]

Amen😮😮

[@theonlydjtopcat]

Holy hell Sara my toxichick used to say the same similar things like "Don't you think you deserve better?" and "I'll never be what you want me to be" but then just breadcrumbed me like the witch in Hansel and Gretel and I kept stupidly returning for the goodies. Also can you please expound on the reason/s personal belongings are never returned after the discard by a narcissist. Not sure if you've done a specific vid on that before? Skin looking tighter than a snare drum, rock on!

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

See if this helps. kzbin.info/www/bejne/gou8iXpppKZ0q5Ysi=9gXmrm7zHRO4Xkgf Also, it was the kids that left the bread crumbs to find their way home (which the birds ate). After getting lost, they came upon the witch/ogress. She wanted to fatten them up, to eat, so feed them the cakes and sweets.

[@theonlydjtopcat]

​@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkEthanks! I stand corrected, wasn't a big Brothers Grimm fan as a kid, just remembered something about breadcrumbs in the story lol 😁

[@theonlydjtopcat]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkEalso just watched the link again, and saw that I already liked and commented on it three months ago. Lord help me! haha

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

@@theonlydjtopcat I do the same thing. Lol No worries.

[@stephenhimes8782]

What about the spoiled brat narcissist? their infidelity?

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

The spoil narcissist (entitled) was probably the Golden Child in the family. Why narcissists cheat...kzbin.info/www/bejne/rGfMgJuIr8l1i9Esi=G1yYMtVNuR7Qf-sw

[@user-2Hteyasizyc]

Answer this one: Why have i had highly long term love bombed relationships? one for 5 and one for 10. The "bomber" turned off in the 5 year and heaped more abuse in 3 months than the 10 years, but the 10 year we just finally cut the cord. The ember just fizzled out. Shes useless and boring. Always was unless putting in the bombing effort for 10 years? Someones gonna say "no dude that was love" ha. It was arguing, laughing and sex. Not love. Do i just need to flex my screen muscles as the supreme supply that i am? They were the same for me.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Love bombing is the fast paced honeymoon stage of the relationship. It doesn't last years. It's over in weeks to a few months. You're describing someone who authentically cared for you. No relationship goes without arguing. If you didn't feel loved, that's a problem that you need to fix within yourself. You're one bitter MF'er and you can't believe that someone could give a f*kc about you. So you will challenge your girls, testing their love, until they eat a bullet.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

@@user-2Hteyasizyc Maybe you should start your own channel and "truly" help people the way you see fit. But thanks for the ego stroke. LOL

[@user-2Hteyasizyc]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Drill sgt Aspd doesnt help people, it offends them. People hate truth, no matter how you deliver it.

[@user-2Hteyasizyc]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE Imagine needing an ego stroke at age what 47? 45? at least? I thought you explained in your how to videos that you didnt need to be told you were great you already knew. But you value ego strokes at your age. Comical. But not really. I cant stand a female who reads shit wrong which is most all of you. You quoted the word truly and were offended by what you misread? Bpd much? I dont see any psychopath in you, just a typical npd/bpd. No npd i've ever met said "thx for the ego stroke" from a person they cant even see. The last bpd girl i dated though did LOL

[@jackidezell3736]

My first narcopath said that, I was only 18, and didn’t know anything about narcissism or sociopathy. However, I knew him. I also know I was really hot back then. So I immediately jumped at the chance to date one of the guys who asked me out, which instilled my narcopath’s jealousy and he came running back. Then I had my daughter with the narcopath one year later, and so I regret nothing lol.

[@VicenteMorales444]

You want to talk about sensitivity. I can take the criticism but not the stress of others😢. At least not like that! I tried to go for a walk this morning and chased a couple of pit bulls that thought they could intimidate me. I probably woke people up😂

[@surfshack2]

Are you my ex reincarnated? 🤣