When Aliens Discovered Humans Don't Heal Wounds They Just Get Angry And Grow New Flesh Out Of Spite

[@extracruncheybed]

Nobody tell these guys about cancer 😂

[@tamiru-bliz]

💀☠️💀

[@beCoCOi]

I'm sure cancer won't be a problem for humanity in sci-fi stories.

[@draconisthewyvern3664]

@@beCoCOicancer is basically your cells devouring and reproducing other cells. fascinatingly cancer cells seem to have regressed evolutionary as they don’t recognize your other cells as friends and part of same colony.

[@PetiteTactical]

@@beCoCOi you dont understand Cancer refers to any one of a large number of diseases characterized by the development of abnormal cells that divide uncontrollably and have the ability to infiltrate and destroy normal body tissue. think about that

[@rangersthoughts2940]

​@@beCoCOiI think he means the fact that humans can mutate to produce cells even faster

[@vDRACv]

Angry human flesh would definitely make a good name for a band 😅😅😅😅

[@EricTheRedWiseman]

The Flesh That Hates

[@Hypocrite_Void]

Scp bru​@@EricTheRedWiseman

[@EricTheRedWiseman]

​@@Hypocrite_Void- :)

[@thomashartley8360]

Count me in! I play drums!!!

[@MrDoreius]

And what sort of metal?

[@elivitolin874]

Do NOT let these guys find out about Axolotls, good god

[@Scugzerker]

Yeah they're too cute for their alien brains to process... speaking of which, they can apparently even regenerate parts of their brain.

[@Sharkakaka]

​@@Scugzerker Axolotls have one of if not the best regeneration we know of, they can repair basically anything if given the right circumstances. This includes also neurological tissue which is notoriously hard for the body to regenerate but still happens in humans in very specific circumstances and very VERY slowly. Although Alxolotls do have a hard time 100% keeping the old brain structure so it isn't perfect yet.

[@sarsapong]

Or the immortal jellyfish

[@thomashartley8360]

😂

[@johnj.spurgin7037]

Tardigrades.

[@ForagingOnward]

“Unusual yet probably not actually a threat to the galaxy” Sounds about right

[@Kittsuera]

unless you try to take away coffee. then its universal take over via Bureaucracy and weaponized efficiency through malicious compliance.

[@themustachioedman]

wtf did the aliens do before they became advanced enough to replace flesh and bone with artificial stuff? Just die in mass numbers? How did they deal with cuts and scrapes?

[@freyasys4546]

you literally just described the human race tho?

[@_aWiseMan]

They have inflammation responses. Just not to the degree of actual regeneration. Considering that they evolved that way. It'd likely most of their species home worlds don't have that in almost any creature period. And they probably have other means. So they simply stop wounds and regenerate through other means that take longer. And if it came down to it. Most would just kill first ask questions later through any situation they could get harmed significantly. Tho let's be honest. This is all bullshit. And no species would realistically have zero regenerative abilities Because you literally can't survive without them. It's the basis of all cellular activities. All functions in our body. And all responses to sickness. You would be so weak it's impossible to live likely more than a few years before death. Not to mention the fact aging would just not happen. They'd grow once and never again. They can't make new cells so its impossible to grow. And they would be unable to resist entropy either. There cells would decay and they would age far far quicker than we would. They reasonably never last to the iron age

[@matheusjahnke8643]

@@_aWiseMan you are spouting deathworlder rhetoric; You see, in more enlightened parts of the galaxy, even as primitives, lifeforms don't just hunt and hurt themselves willy nilly. Sicknesses also are very rare, what do you mean it's normal people regularly get cold? The idea is inconceivable on the parts of the galaxy more favorable to Life.

[@MindCaged]

@@_aWiseMan Yeah I know, many of these HFY stories I've seen paint the rest of the universe as full of statistical impossibilities somehow surviving without what earth would consider the most basic biological functions without which it's inconceivable for a race to survive long enough to become sapient. Like tripping on a rock and falling down would be a death sentence. They also tend to completely exaggerate human capabilities to the point where it's just patently false. Like humans can just casually heal from severe injuries without months of recuperation and medical care or extremely complex medical procedures. There's also a common misconception even I had about exercise, straining muscles can get them to grow stronger, actually tearing apart muscle fibers is permanent and makes you weaker. It's why you need to be careful not to overdo it when exercising because if you actually tear the muscles your permanently losing potential strength. Other muscle fibers can take over, but that torn one won't just reattach itself.

[@danielwilke7574]

​@@matheusjahnke8643 if that's the case, how does anything grow? Bacteria is everywhere and necessary but they can also make you sick. Too much of everything is dangerous

[@amandagoldsbury8122]

Production of slime is tissue generation. So is shedding, though technically the regeneration occurs BEFORE a shed.

[@orangewithteeth]

It always confuses me why the people in these stories never point out that nearly every other animal in the world works the same way, or better. Why not give them a real fright by talking about axolotl limb nibbling or the life cycle of immortal jellyfish?

[@malucoblz588]

Most of these stories happen when human are just being known to the aliens, very little information.

[@orangewithteeth]

@malucoblz588 even so, when an alien asks a direct question about a common biological process shared by all mammals, wouldn't it make sense to point that out?

[@logangraham2956]

or lizards that have the ability to lose their tails at will in order to escape predators.

[@lunathedragon5973]

8:50 the cleaning drone admiring the human ability to continue working even with major structural damage

[@ShayFlower]

This would be the funniest job ever, I would just wanna work at these offices and watch counselors talk just to see the carnage 😂😆

[@salvager8440]

I swear if general blob saw human eating jello he might think he would be eaten by humans

[@ForagingOnward]

Depending on who you ask, humans are either “evolved” monkeys, descendants of an ancient star race, or literal fucking space cancer.

[@traviseller8160]

I'm "space cancer"? Now THAT'S a new one. Evolution I get but SC?

[@Sadcatblake]

I do love how regenerative abilities and super powers and so many other powers are just based off of real things that are on a way smaller scale.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

5:48 I mean, most mammals and many reptiles do it. Heck, there's an amphibian that purposely extends its natural youthful state, wherein such regrowth is magnified, just to keep the advantage of being able to regrow new limbs. Some lizards even evolved detaching their own tail as a defense mechanism to get away from a predator that grabbed them, only to gradually regrow the tail afterwards over weeks.

[@goatkiller666]

In the future, they won’t have . But anything electronic will therefore be sentient. And when you say something so insane the A/C goes quiet… shit just got real.

[@immaturedemolitions8220]

Not the "new food made em sick" alert.....poor human XD

[@immortalinaros8751]

What would be crazy is that humans consume a lot of natures poisons. Coffee, Mint, chocolate, spicy things.

[@AntiSimpTrooper-175]

If so poisonous. Why delicious? :0

[@Dont_Wanna_Be_Famous_666]

​@@AntiSimpTrooper-175 we evolved in some of the worse conditions possible, our bodies are meant to adapt to many things, so over time our bodies turned many poisons into spices and seasonings, literally something we enjoy, humans naturally love things that aren't normal, we can see this by people always becoming fascinated with new things

[@deathdancin]

Forgot alcohol and psychedelics

[@Ug-lordetheunmovable]

Plants: I'll just evolve this chemical so that bugs and animals stop eating me Humans: Man this plants makes my mouth spicy but in a good painful way....I wonder what would happen if I put it in my food

[@traviseller8160]

Wait a damn second... My beloved "hot food" is poisonous? Why am I still alive and why does it taste good?

[@tomasruzicka9835]

I think it should not have been a galactic incident but a first contact incident between two young species not being familiar with anything else but their own kin. One would expect that every other species in a galactic empire would have something special about them to not fear a simple regeneration, even if we would indeed regrow whole heads.

[@PennyEvolus]

I NEED A FUCKING SEQUEL

[@Licotus007]

Never underestimate the power of marshmallows. 🤣

[@Mini_Knight17]

The cleaning drone in the background best character 100%

[@TeRenner123]

Okay we are beeing observed by aliens with the eqivalent of a fake mustage. Humans: Lets have fun

[@anthonypyritz2927]

12:17 am I the only one who thinks this is how 4077 ( M.A.S.H.) crew would handle it?

[@lazerwolf952]

Or Dr House.

[@TheAnalystKing]

Dude, Jack is definitely the "F*ck it, I ball" type guy, and I live for it.

[@kasandranieves7606]

Thanks!

[@goatkiller666]

So, there is a galactic meta-culture. To the point that all doctors and all patients go to the same hospitals. They even have annual-ish medical conferences, where you are more likely to hear about other species than your own. I assume there’s something like a peer review process. This human doctor did some WW2 Omaha Beach style meatball surgery, saved the patient (whom we assume was then sent to a hospital for a long time. And none of this huge room of expert medical doctors, or any of the doctors who peer reviewed the paper, know enough about human healing to notice the broad strokes of how it worked? Everyone is freaking the fuq out that the species from the level 37 Deathworld had a shockingly robust auto-repair function?

[@Dont_Wanna_Be_Famous_666]

I mean if they were smarter they would see why, look first at homo habilis, they had some of the worse conditions to live off of, over time they somehow survived long enough to split off into two separate species, homo sapien and homo neanderthalensis, these two fought over resources, eventually leading to both the extinction and interbreeding of the neanderthals, so most humans today are actually sapien neanderthal hybrid's, which perfectly combined the small frames of the sapiens that helped reduce energy costs and food costs, give better endurance, increased carbohydrates, and the fact sapiens lived in huge communities. Neanderthalensis lived in smaller tight nit groups, had more muscle mass which actually got added onto the sapiens small frames, and made us into even better hunters, which eventually lead to modern humans. Edit: forgot to mention, we have to be thankful for neanderthals too, they had bigger skulls which allowed for more brain growth, so thanks to them we also grew smarter

[@kennethpaschall6811]

I about choked on the water I was drinking LMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Cad1s]

This had my sides hurting im still laughing.

[@danielwilke7574]

If this is what scares them, then nobody tell em about axolotls

[@ghost8181]

This title is great! Busted a gut listening to this.

[@atreyu852011]

Got to love a first responders dark sense of humor

[@grinmace4834]

As a human I can confirm this claim.

[@seiboldtadelbertsmiter3735]

Oh my God this story is hilarious I love it it's just freaking awesome.

[@anthonypyritz2927]

1:57 this brings to my mind Dr. Hawk eye from M.A.S.H.

[@paulyguitary7651]

8:17 Tarkin is looking rough.

[@vayneinsane]

This doctor I like him, my type of guy.

[@atomicknight63]

I'm pretty sure that there was a Punk Band called "The Angry Flesh".

[@diogosousa7698]

Jack is just a normal human that wants to see stuff burn out of fun basically 😂😂

[@Differ220]

it would be funny if aliens discovered taco tuesday 😂 if that hasnt already been made

[@LindaLand10]

,,The human flesh is angry"😂

[@WhitneyDahlin]

I'm always worried when I find channels that read fictional short stories that they are AI written. I can't tell you how many times I found a small KZbin channel and it seemed normal, and the title was like a good concept for a fictional story. So i start listening, I get invested, then halfway through the story it starts repeating itself over and over again or it stops making sense. Makes me so mad. Can someone comfirm this channel definitely doesn't read AI stories?

[@Sadcatblake]

Honestly the best part of watching these is the weird shit the ai makes

[@inquisitorfivecraft5424]

Lord forbid they learn about starfish XD

[@JameAurelioLopez]

I love these RP stories

[@GeneralHarvey]

Who the fuck just eats mints casually? I want names

[@zachdann5562]

Me

[@Ragnarra]

Candy is candy. Besides it has the added bonus of minty freshness.

[@Dont_Wanna_Be_Famous_666]

I crunch them to eat more, the more I eat the colder I breathe, call me a reverse dragon

[@lonewolfe31619]

Lop this is funny as fuck as always.

[@JesseThomson-zb9nl]

So if your angry enough you can’t die? Time to build my rage meter

[@kenjackben]

well I imagine that these aliens have been advanced for so long they don't remember what they used to do before they were advanced

[@KaizerTheWyvern]

What is it with humans and weaponizing shit

[@jamesogden7756]

...... found the alien. It's right there! 👆

[@Resomius]

It is not weaponizing... Its more of a mix of bordem and: I have Idee. Let me try this! . We did not know it would cause that big of a explosion.

[@goneby]

We have no natural defenses besides anti bodies and our brains. Simply living weaponizes us against the world and it's glorious.

[@braidenzurnmarsh1203]

busted

[@Ray-Koto-McLellan]

Yes I'm quite sure we have literally weaponized poop as well

[@janhegarty5268]

Hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@MIGUELSanchez-of6nj]

Ambassador Helen Hell No Martinez lol

[@themustachioedman]

God I am so sick of this shitty AI sci-fi. Lots of cool premises, but the quality is complete crap. Sure this story is funny, but it’s written just like every other HFY story I’ve listened to lately. I miss the days when creative people wrote entertaining and thought provoking stories, instead of turning to chatGPT to do the work for their lazy untalented asses.

[@dylanmulvaney9912]

That's the point

[@troljynx9953]

Got any good one to share ? Preferably without human being unstoppable warmachine badasses like the hundreds others I've been offered if you so please

[@themustachioedman]

@@troljynx9953 there’s a pretty good book series by Craig Alanson that’s technically HFY (the genre, stands for Humans, Fuck Yeah!) they’re on audible, and probably kindle if you prefer reading.

[@colinmcnall-fb8ts]

@@themustachioedman try this channel called STARBOUND HFY They make good quality content and use multiple voice actors instead of ai

[@donavanh7776]

Very funny considering we are currently working on figuring out how to implement the more advanced regeneration of these animals or even the immortal jelly fish into future generations through genetic engineering. This would lead that new humanity to naturally regrow limbs like Wolverine.

[@BliffleSplick]

Wait until they find out that marshmallows are made from animals bones and hooves, sugar that's purified using animal bone charcoal, and that some of the flavourings were originally sourced from animals as well And we give them to kids

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

Im over these stories of humans being supior in every way and the aliens being bumbling idiots.

[@michaelreynolds9802]

Well don't click on these type of stories. The vast majority are tired of humans are lemmings and suck at everthing.

[@That0therG]

Interesting idea

[@charlesgochanour1113]

i like how all the humans in these story's have the same last name

[@Fuilleverte]

Did anyone else hear the Benny Hill theme when they started the chase?

[@michaellinnet6095]

Nope. But I did have a flashback to the old Keystone Cops reruns I watched when I was little.🤣

[@olivefernando7879]

"proper tentacle hygiene" um... hmmmm

[@Ragnarra]

Funny thing it never said how many.

[@VulruinDrokhan]

What are the gonna do when they find out about Worms?

[@Mike1061986]

Anyone else thinking about SCP-610? lol

[@scp-001thescarletking]

The flesh that hates?

[@nowgowiththeflow2724]

Listen to the first sentence. Shock everyone in 5 min while the video is over 30 long.

[@ethanlowe5162]

"tactical polymer jello"

[@Differ220]

bet they never seen an axolotls before 😅

[@sanguiniusonvacation1803]

Dont worry, ribs grow back!

[@NeelTheHuman]

Is dude on the thumbnail house's cousin?

[@Hehehlokied-s9h]

Don’t tell them about lizards

[@wintersking4290]

Some other earth animals, can regrow whole limbs lol, no one tell them that though.

[@DudeSoWin]

What is with all this sci-fi body positivity Ai stuff???

[@do_research]

Lol

[@Bgh583]

This story made no sense.

[@olivefernando7879]

yup, the other aliens would never have survived without some form of natural healing also: sponges, starfish, some jellyfish, hydra, axolotl all do this way way better than we do

[@Bgh583]

@olivefernando7879 yeah that too. Also the narrative is cryptic and sporadic

[@dedeeprice6560]

There's two things that I make me wanna vomit immediately Coffee Gim In the reason why is three beers later It was time for the one hundred proof gin Now let's face it. Seventeen years old you're not too bright so I down the whole bottle Not you remember folgers coffee crystals Imagine how much you can put in a cop and then put a quarter cup of water. Can you get the whole scenario really quickly Jin coffee But this coffee was so thick it was like glue