When Aliens Discovered Humans Don't Heal Wounds They Just Get Angry And Grow New Flesh Out Of Spite

[@extracruncheybed]

Nobody tell these guys about cancer 😂

[@tamiru-bliz]

💀☠️💀

[@beCoCOi]

I'm sure cancer won't be a problem for humanity in sci-fi stories.

[@draconisthewyvern3664]

@@beCoCOicancer is basically your cells devouring and reproducing other cells. fascinatingly cancer cells seem to have regressed evolutionary as they don’t recognize your other cells as friends and part of same colony.

[@vDRACv]

Angry human flesh would definitely make a good name for a band 😅😅😅😅

[@EricTheRedWiseman]

The Flesh That Hates

[@Hypocrite_Void]

Scp bru​@@EricTheRedWiseman

[@EricTheRedWiseman]

​@@Hypocrite_Void- :)

[@elivitolin874]

Do NOT let these guys find out about Axolotls, good god

[@Scugzerker]

Yeah they're too cute for their alien brains to process... speaking of which, they can apparently even regenerate parts of their brain.

[@Sharkakaka]

​@@Scugzerker Axolotls have one of if not the best regeneration we know of, they can repair basically anything if given the right circumstances. This includes also neurological tissue which is notoriously hard for the body to regenerate but still happens in humans in very specific circumstances and very VERY slowly. Although Alxolotls do have a hard time 100% keeping the old brain structure so it isn't perfect yet.

[@amandagoldsbury8122]

Production of slime is tissue generation. So is shedding, though technically the regeneration occurs BEFORE a shed.

[@themustachioedman]

wtf did the aliens do before they became advanced enough to replace flesh and bone with artificial stuff? Just die in mass numbers? How did they deal with cuts and scrapes?

[@freyasys4546]

you literally just described the human race tho?

[@_aWiseMan]

They have inflammation responses. Just not to the degree of actual regeneration. Considering that they evolved that way. It'd likely most of their species home worlds don't have that in almost any creature period. And they probably have other means. So they simply stop wounds and regenerate through other means that take longer. And if it came down to it. Most would just kill first ask questions later through any situation they could get harmed significantly. Tho let's be honest. This is all bullshit. And no species would realistically have zero regenerative abilities Because you literally can't survive without them. It's the basis of all cellular activities. All functions in our body. And all responses to sickness. You would be so weak it's impossible to live likely more than a few years before death. Not to mention the fact aging would just not happen. They'd grow once and never again. They can't make new cells so its impossible to grow. And they would be unable to resist entropy either. There cells would decay and they would age far far quicker than we would. They reasonably never last to the iron age

[@matheusjahnke8643]

@@_aWiseMan you are spouting deathworlder rhetoric; You see, in more enlightened parts of the galaxy, even as primitives, lifeforms don't just hunt and hurt themselves willy nilly. Sicknesses also are very rare, what do you mean it's normal people regularly get cold? The idea is inconceivable on the parts of the galaxy more favorable to Life.

[@MindCaged]

@@_aWiseMan Yeah I know, many of these HFY stories I've seen paint the rest of the universe as full of statistical impossibilities somehow surviving without what earth would consider the most basic biological functions without which it's inconceivable for a race to survive long enough to become sapient. Like tripping on a rock and falling down would be a death sentence. They also tend to completely exaggerate human capabilities to the point where it's just patently false. Like humans can just casually heal from severe injuries without months of recuperation and medical care or extremely complex medical procedures. There's also a common misconception even I had about exercise, straining muscles can get them to grow stronger, actually tearing apart muscle fibers is permanent and makes you weaker. It's why you need to be careful not to overdo it when exercising because if you actually tear the muscles your permanently losing potential strength. Other muscle fibers can take over, but that torn one won't just reattach itself.

[@danielwilke7574]

​@@matheusjahnke8643 if that's the case, how does anything grow? Bacteria is everywhere and necessary but they can also make you sick. Too much of everything is dangerous

[@salvager8440]

I swear if general blob saw human eating jello he might think he would be eaten by humans

[@ShayFlower]

This would be the funniest job ever, I would just wanna work at these offices and watch counselors talk just to see the carnage 😂😆

[@PennyEvolus]

I NEED A FUCKING SEQUEL

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

5:48 I mean, most mammals and many reptiles do it. Heck, there's an amphibian that purposely extends its natural youthful state, wherein such regrowth is magnified, just to keep the advantage of being able to regrow new limbs. Some lizards even evolved detaching their own tail as a defense mechanism to get away from a predator that grabbed them, only to gradually regrow the tail afterwards over weeks.

[@orangewithteeth]

It always confuses me why the people in these stories never point out that nearly every other animal in the world works the same way, or better. Why not give them a real fright by talking about axolotl limb nibbling or the life cycle of immortal jellyfish?

[@malucoblz588]

Most of these stories happen when human are just being known to the aliens, very little information.

[@orangewithteeth]

@malucoblz588 even so, when an alien asks a direct question about a common biological process shared by all mammals, wouldn't it make sense to point that out?

[@anthonypyritz2927]

12:17 am I the only one who thinks this is how 4077 ( M.A.S.H.) crew would handle it?

[@lazerwolf952]

Or Dr House.

[@Licotus007]

Never underestimate the power of marshmallows. 🤣

[@danielwilke7574]

If this is what scares them, then nobody tell em about axolotls

[@Cad1s]

This had my sides hurting im still laughing.

[@ghost8181]

This title is great! Busted a gut listening to this.

[@goatkiller666]

In the future, they won’t have . But anything electronic will therefore be sentient. And when you say something so insane the A/C goes quiet… shit just got real.

[@Sadcatblake]

I do love how regenerative abilities and super powers and so many other powers are just based off of real things that are on a way smaller scale.

[@immaturedemolitions8220]

Not the "new food made em sick" alert.....poor human XD

[@tomasruzicka9835]

I think it should not have been a galactic incident but a first contact incident between two young species not being familiar with anything else but their own kin. One would expect that every other species in a galactic empire would have something special about them to not fear a simple regeneration, even if we would indeed regrow whole heads.

[@vayneinsane]

This doctor I like him, my type of guy.

[@goatkiller666]

So, there is a galactic meta-culture. To the point that all doctors and all patients go to the same hospitals. They even have annual-ish medical conferences, where you are more likely to hear about other species than your own. I assume there’s something like a peer review process. This human doctor did some WW2 Omaha Beach style meatball surgery, saved the patient (whom we assume was then sent to a hospital for a long time. And none of this huge room of expert medical doctors, or any of the doctors who peer reviewed the paper, know enough about human healing to notice the broad strokes of how it worked? Everyone is freaking the fuq out that the species from the level 37 Deathworld had a shockingly robust auto-repair function?

[@seiboldtadelbertsmiter3735]

Oh my God this story is hilarious I love it it's just freaking awesome.

[@paulyguitary7651]

8:17 Tarkin is looking rough.

[@anthonypyritz2927]

1:57 this brings to my mind Dr. Hawk eye from M.A.S.H.

[@lonewolfe31619]

Lop this is funny as fuck as always.

[@janhegarty5268]

Hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@atomicknight63]

I'm pretty sure that there was a Punk Band called "The Angry Flesh".

[@grinmace4834]

As a human I can confirm this claim.

[@JameAurelioLopez]

I love these RP stories

[@kasandranieves7606]

Thanks!

[@GeneralHarvey]

Who the fuck just eats mints casually? I want names

[@MIGUELSanchez-of6nj]

Ambassador Helen Hell No Martinez lol

[@KaizerTheWyvern]

What is it with humans and weaponizing shit

[@jamesogden7756]

...... found the alien. It's right there! 👆

[@Resomius]

It is not weaponizing... Its more of a mix of bordem and: I have Idee. Let me try this! . We did not know it would cause that big of a explosion.

[@goneby]

We have no natural defenses besides anti bodies and our brains. Simply living weaponizes us against the world and it's glorious.

[@braidenzurnmarsh1203]

busted

[@Ray-Koto-McLellan]

Yes I'm quite sure we have literally weaponized poop as well

[@inquisitorfivecraft5424]

Lord forbid they learn about starfish XD

[@Mike1061986]

Anyone else thinking about SCP-610? lol

[@Sadcatblake]

Honestly the best part of watching these is the weird shit the ai makes

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

Im over these stories of humans being supior in every way and the aliens being bumbling idiots.

[@michaelreynolds9802]

Well don't click on these type of stories. The vast majority are tired of humans are lemmings and suck at everthing.

[@themustachioedman]

God I am so sick of this shitty AI sci-fi. Lots of cool premises, but the quality is complete crap. Sure this story is funny, but it’s written just like every other HFY story I’ve listened to lately. I miss the days when creative people wrote entertaining and thought provoking stories, instead of turning to chatGPT to do the work for their lazy untalented asses.

[@dylanmulvaney9912]

That's the point

[@troljynx9953]

Got any good one to share ? Preferably without human being unstoppable warmachine badasses like the hundreds others I've been offered if you so please

[@themustachioedman]

@@troljynx9953 there’s a pretty good book series by Craig Alanson that’s technically HFY (the genre, stands for Humans, Fuck Yeah!) they’re on audible, and probably kindle if you prefer reading.

[@olivefernando7879]

"proper tentacle hygiene" um... hmmmm

[@nowgowiththeflow2724]

Listen to the first sentence. Shock everyone in 5 min while the video is over 30 long.

[@NeelTheHuman]

Is dude on the thumbnail house's cousin?

[@do_research]

Lol

[@Fuilleverte]

Did anyone else hear the Benny Hill theme when they started the chase?

[@michaellinnet6095]

Nope. But I did have a flashback to the old Keystone Cops reruns I watched when I was little.🤣

[@Bgh583]

This story made no sense.

[@olivefernando7879]

yup, the other aliens would never have survived without some form of natural healing also: sponges, starfish, some jellyfish, hydra, axolotl all do this way way better than we do

[@Bgh583]

@olivefernando7879 yeah that too. Also the narrative is cryptic and sporadic