When Is It Time for a Nursing Home? Alzheimer's Dementia Care

[@susanhummer8268]

I’m identifying. Today my husband with Alzheimer’s dementia hit me, threw a shoe at me, and bit me..because I was trying to change him out of his urine soaked clothes. I am so sad, and dreading tomorrow. I thought I’d be able to do this but several years later I’m losing my sanity and I fear for my safety. He’s on a list for a nursing home but it will be at least another year. Thanks for sharing your experience. Im 76, my husband with dementia is 86.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

I'm sorry to read about your troubles. There's no question: It can be a nightmare!

[@capercat9785]

Do you have any supports in your area? Just finding a group of caregivers will provide someone to call and they may know others to provide respite.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

@@capercat9785 Thank you for these suggestions! Sometimes just having someone who can understand what you're going thru can be uplifting. (I take it that, in a small way, these comments can serve that purpose.) I have gotten into Respite Care in several places, most recently in the video "Can You Do It Alone?" which tackles the question of whether or not a given person could manage being a Solo Caretaker. kzbin.info/www/bejne/hmTQpIGMiN2omdk For the benefit of readers (as I'm sure the commenter knows this), in brief, "Respite Care" -- properly so-called -- is designed to given primary caretakers a break for a short period of time (e.g., a day or a week at most). It's not a long-term alternative to at-home care or a permanent solution for caregivers who find their living situation has become unmanageable or unsustainable. But, it can provide a short period of rest. And, in the present case, it could well be a lifesaver. Thanks for commenting!

[@danabenkula9696]

I am so sorry. Thinking and praying for you

[@josmelser9869]

I am dealing with the same but throwing things with anger. Whenever this happens, I get on his doctor portal and he puts in an order to raise his medication of Venlafaxine for mood swings. He’s doing better for now. I also relay too my doctor, the stress I am going through. He had ordered me a medication for my anxiety which has greatly helped me. I do have a son and his wife come every 2 weeks. Also other friends. I had to pay $25 for his showers in the beginning and later when he became where I could guide him step by step. He has his own loofah in which I put a lot of men’s liquid soap. The have him do his shower after I do his back. I know this is a difficult time for you. I am 75 and he is 85. Don’t feel bad if you have to call some in family and say, you need help!

[@pamhall2003]

I needed to hear all this. Thank you so very much. I am in the process of having to put my husband in nursing home. He has dementia and I am handicapped ,on walker, and I am not able to give him care he needs. Our 51 yr anniversary coming up. This is breaking my heart. He is bed ridden now, not eating and sleeping all the time. I want to bring him home, but just not able. We need videos like this. THANKYOU again.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

The anniversary will be bittersweet, I'm sure. I would encourage you to keep a positive attitude. Because, even though you may not be able to function as a caretaker yourself -- let alone *by* yourself. You can still be of assistance to your husband. For example, you may find that being attentive and present at the nursing home will help to guard against certain problems arising there, as well as preventing your husband from spending long intervals alone. Please know that you have my best wishes.

[@jayesamson8633]

My husband was 20 years older than I was, and I was trying to deal with his Alzheimer's dementia. Finally, I was directed to place him in a memory care facility because he began to wander the streets. I was afraid to do this because I feared he would feel abandoned. Instead, he welcomed the move because he was finally housed with more people like him. 💜

[@alzheimersproof8211]

My mom was in a similar situation, age-wise. She was 22 years my dad's junior. (Count end-of-life scenarios and dementia as "topics that prospective newly-weds don't necessarily consider.") Tho, in my dad's case, he resisted leaving the house. So, I suppose, you should be thankful for the "small miracle" of your husband's willingness. Of course, it is important to realize -- as I'm sure you do! -- that it doesn't have to be an either/or matter: Either I care for my loved one or I admit them to a memory-care facility. Obviously, it is possible to be present (even daily) as a caretaker by visiting your loved one in the nursing home or related institution. You and your husband have all my sympathies.

[@eh3345]

Thank you, Mr. AP. I like your style of sharing. You seem very sensitive-- a real human.

[@The12thSeahorse]

I have to admit, after watching 40x plus KZbin videos on this subject, this video is so brutally honest, down to earth, black and white, getting inside the trenches of caring for a love one with alzheimers or dementia disease, it refuses to tiptoe or add any cosmetic veneer to this important and dire issue at hand.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you so much. Tho... I'm sorry that you have to think about these issues. Dementia is horrendous :-(

[@realitycheck4842]

People don’t “loose incontinence”, they become incontinent. Thanks for taking the time to share this with us. My brother-in-law was just admitted to a memory care unit because his wife of 80 could no longer care for him. Sad for all concerned. Bless you for caring for your father.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

First of all, thank you so much for watching! And thank you, also, for your kind words! The situation with my dad was one of the most difficult in my life. Truthfully, I'm sorry that anyone can relate to it. Therefore, I am saddened to read about the situation with your brother-in-law and his wife. That sort of case is as difficult as it is tragic. I hope that, despite it all, the memory-care facility is at least close enough to her (proximity-wise), and that she is mobile enough herself, to be able to visit her beloved husband in the way that I'm sure she'll want to. Feel free to keep us posted. And please know that your family has all my best wishes! Also, on a less serious note, I do appreciate your terminological remark. I'm certainly not above misspeaking and always (or, at least, *usually* haha!) open to correction. But, in this case, what I meant to say (and, if I'm not mistaken, what I think I did say), was "lose continence." "Continence," of course (for those who may not be familiar with the term), refers to the "ability to control the movement of one's own bladder and bowels." (To be sure, "incontinence" does seem to be heard / used far more frequently than "continence." In this, it reminds me of the word "inadvertently," which means "to do something without intending to or without knowing the consequences." I didn't learn that "advertent" is a perfectly respectable word on its own until some random spelling bee clued me in!) Therefore, to be (or become!) *incontinent" is to have lost (or to lose) *continence* . So, if I said "lose incontinence" then I misspoke. Obviously, I should have said "lose continence." But, you're quite right to say that "become incontinent" is another way to say it. I've also seen "cause incontinence," "develop incontinence," and so on. (Just for reference, examples of the phrase "lose continence" can be found at the following URLs: alz-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1016/j.jalz.2016.06.476 and pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19080267/ .) Cheers!

[@ericmartin7603]

Thanks for sharing. You're very articulate and your advice is very much appreciated!

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you. (Sorry for the tardy reply.)

[@fun----]

The problem in my country, the nursing homes are always short staffed. My nurse and hca friends tell me the mistakes are huge, due to the rush to do everything when down 5 staff. They all left nursing homes, due to that. Now they work in hospitals, which is always short staffed. Mum had dementia, my sister and I cared for her at mum and dads house. I worked during the day abd then did the night shift for 2 to 3 years when mum became immobile. Turn every two hours etc... I was a walking zombie for those years due to sleep deprivation. They had no insurance, so we paid for everything. $8000 pressure mattress etc.. It broke me, mums passing, I'm still missing her. Now Dad who does not have dementia. The nursing staff who visited made critical mistakes, so basically we took total control. When they visited they checked her, thats it. Our brother disappeared and left it to us, so disappointed for mum and dad. My sister and I paid for mums funeral and are prepared for dads. Dad lives at my sisters farm, she is amazing. He had bad blockages for 20 years, back and forward to the hospital, 3 hours away. We took control, took Dad of those meds, and he hasn't had a blockage since. Beautiful man he is. My brother was the favorite my sister would say. I told her, they would be excited to see him because they rarely saw him. Once every 2 to 3 years. Since mums dementia we have not seen him to this day. That's life, I hold no grudges. Thank you.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Firstly, thanks so much for watching! Your comments are greatly appreciated! You bring up a hugely important issue! Of course, staffing levels are crucial to proper institutional care. On that note, a quick Google search suggests that nearly one-third of nursing homes are understaffed in the U.S. Additionally, some states, like my own, have abysmal "turnover rates." And, although I do not have access to any inside sources (as you do), intuitively, over-working and short staffing could hardly fail to result in mistakes. Plainly, in any healthcare setting, these can become matters of life or death! It's heartwarming to read about your -- and your sister's -- care for your parents. Sorry your other brother let you guys down in that respect. But your positive outlook, despite it all, is inspiring. Thanks, again :-)

[@georgec7899]

Thank you for your kind advice from a Carer in Scotland

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for watching. I hope something I said was of use to you.

[@grammamarth6681]

Thank you for this video and sharing your experiences.

[@joshcevera170]

Great video and explanation of everything. Spot on with everything I experienced and still am today. Especially the toll it takes on caregivers and the horrible way you feel about forcing the parent into a facility

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for watching. I'm heartily sorry that you can relate, though!

[@leslie5139]

Thank you for your video. My mother is in a nursing home. ❤ Your video helped me. I was willing to take her home and care for her.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for watching!

[@MarleyHenryBinx]

Everything you’ve said is 💯 true. With a mum with this despicable disease I know first hand what you are saying. You have to go through it to truly understand. Fantastic video.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for saying so -- and for watching.

[@joannesouthern8577]

You have such compassion and are so understanding! Thank you! You can understand since this has affected you so greatly. I can so relate to your emotions about caregiving.

[@terriharrigan891]

Spot on with your talk. You are a wonderful kind person. Very well explained.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for saying so :-) Thanks for watching.

[@brandibennett1163]

My mom shattered her tibula and fibula August 31, 2023. The day before she could cook, clean, shower in her own. She had to be sedated for a week in ICU she's had two surgeries and she's home with me now. Today she called me to her room and when I walked in she had no clue who I was. It was like a light switch she was here then in an instant she is gone. I'm trying to keep her home with me as long as I can physically do it. I'm 100% committed to this. I have a sister she doesn't help me. My mom has seven sisters they can't help. It's been two months that I've had her home and I'm exhausted. She keeps getting up without the boot she has to wear until her bones heal. She can't wipe herself at all. Yesterday she pooped and I told her to stay on the toilet I needed to grab some gloves and baby wipes. When I walked back to the bathroom she had poop everywhere and she didn't even notice it. She wears a diaper at night not bc she is kinda overweight and she keeps getting rashes and fungal infections down there. She hides her drinks so every morning her diaper weighs not joking 20lbs. She has hit and scratched thrown things. I told her today that if I can't keep her from hurting herself she will need to be in a medical facility. I am trying so hard to get her to understand how serious this is and I don't want her to be in a nursing home. What do I do? Am I making the wrong choice by keeping her home with me?

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Sorry for the late acknowledgment. And sorry for your troubles! I have been thinking through some aspects of your situation. My notes have become fairly extensive. I am creating a set of videos -- some of which will touch on concerns and points that you raise. In the meantime, just know that I empathize with you and regret that you are having to go thru these tribulations.

[@brandibennett1163]

Thanks for your response. This is definitely trial and error. We had a psychiatrist visit this morning thru Teledoc. The visit went great! Hopefully this medication change will help a lot. I'll be looking out for your videos. Thanks again, Brandi B

[@QuangLe-nm7ck]

I am praying for you and your Mom now🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@khaliahingram1695]

I hate to say it, but your mom is past the point of understanding logic and rational reasoning. That is the nature of the disease, and while meds may calm her down, the symptoms and behavior will not get better. She will never "understand " because dementia destroys the ability to "understand." My tough love advice is this - I admire your dedication to your mother, but by your own words, you are exhausted. That does not help anyone, especially not your mother. Stop being a martyr; this disease already takes the joy and dignity from the diagnosed and their loved ones, do not willingly relinquish anything extra. If you are exhausted after 2 months, how will you do this for a year? 5 years? 10 years? You have to think about that, no matter how committed you are, everyone has a limit and there are no awards for endurance here. Look into Medicaid and see if she qualifies. In the meantime, figure out your budget and see which facilities may be best for your mom. Keep in mind, no facility is perfect. You have to prioritize your safety. You cannot be an effective caretaker when you are exhausted, stressed , and getting hit by your poor, confused mother. This is an awful disease and it does awful things to its sufferers, who go on to do awful things to their caregivers.

[@lifeisbutadream7397]

Best video I’ve seen so far. Your honest and understanding style are so helpful. I can sense how much you loved your Dad and how painful his decline was for you. God Bless you!

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for watching -- and commenting. I'm sorry that you can related :-( But, after all (and unfortunately) we're #NotAlone in this struggle. God bless you, too!

[@robynfrogner9153]

Excellent advice! I’m going through a similar situation right now. Such a difficult decision. Thank you ☺️

[@vivianbunch1963]

Thank you so much! I pray that God blesses you efforts.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thanks for watching -- and for your encouragement.

[@reselldaddy4782]

It’s a struggle, my mom is getting worse and I live with her and see how she is changing. My sister is always saying she is fine but she isn’t here everyday and I take care of her of my mom 24/7. My sister says I’m her she is fine your over reacting. And yes she was fine at that time but my sister doesn’t want to believe that she is getting worse. So sad and draining. Love you mom😢. Dementia you suck, this is horrible

[@alzheimersproof8211]

That really resonates with me. My sister -- God love her -- was out-of-state while my dad struggled with Alzheimer's. I basically was landed in the role of caretaker by default. I, too, had some difficulty expressing to her the complexities of the home-care situation. (And she had advanced degrees in psychology!) Bottom line: Until you deal with it on a daily basis -- with a family member, particularly -- it's doubtful that you can really appreciate the emotional-mental pressure cooker than the home becomes. Dementia *does* suck, horribly. You and your mom and sister have all my best wishes.

[@jeannettebos5766]

Thank u I just had to do placement for spouse.stood over my decision after I did was locking himself away in his bedroom caregiver could not do her job bathe etc...very aggressive to fought.

[@goingfreenow3297]

@18:24 that's how it was. OMG. I became ill as well

[@alzheimersproof8211]

I'm so sorry to read it. Alzheimer's is a nightmare for everyone affected by it. Thank you for watching.

[@pathayes7292]

This has been very very helpful😢

[@susanc.3771]

Thank you for your video; it was very helpful.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thanks for watching. I'm sorry you have to think about these things, though.

[@raindancer3330]

Your video is the best one I've come across. Dad is in the hospital with Covid we thought he had pneumonia, my husband and I are both recovering. We think it was a friend that exposed my dad. Dad is 90 and is still hanging in there, I thought surely this would kill him. Dad was denied therapy but we are trying to get him in the skilled longterm care. I dropped off all the paperwork and information to contact his Medicaid attorney. Hopefully something happens. I saw dad briefly and he's lost more weight. The things that run through your head, some terrible thoughts, I'm constantly asking God to forgive me for these terrible thoughts. I'm very overwhelmed, I'm an only child so you can imagine. My husband does help me a lot. I warned the hospital if they sent dad home, he's going to his home alone. I can't quit working and physically he has become more difficult to care for and I have Medical experience, If I were 10yrs younger and didn't have to work I MIGHT have been able to do it. It's too much for me. The guilt is bad the things I have said out of frustration and fatigue make me feel like I can't speak to God. I have fallen froms God's grace, that's the way I feel at the moment. I truly feel like I'm being punished. I also had to call the police because he was trying to hit me (twice) the second time he tried to hit me, he stopped because I told him, "Is that how your father beat up your mother!" They can make you think and say some mean things. Say a prayer for me, I'm not myself right now. We had to dad proof his house became he was a Master Carpenter, the man could get out of prison with a paperclip. Sighhhhhhhh

[@alzheimersproof8211]

I'm so sorry to read this. I am writing down a few thoughts and plan to react to your predicament -- and remarks -- in a video response. But know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there!

[@joyceweber4299]

MY SISTER HAS DEMENTIA I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF HER FOR 4 YEARS SHE HAS BEEN BEDRIDDEN SINCE MARCH OF THIS YEAR.I AM 71 YEARS OLD SHE IS 64.I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTHI ALSO HAVE BREAST CANCER FOR THE TO ROLL HER OR LIFT HER.SHE CANT STAND OR WALK OR FEED HERSELF.I ALSO HAVE BREAST CANCER FOR THE3RD TIME.I FEEL GUILTY THAT I NEED TO PUT HER INTO A NURSING HOME.I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND ENJOY WHAT TIME I HAVE LEFT,BUT I FEEL SO GUILTY!!

[@alzheimersproof8211]

That's a tough situation -- with problems compounding on all sides. Another factor, which you have no doubt considered, is that if she outlived you, it wouldn't be obvious who would handle her care. Presumably, the state would step in at some point. But that would be a mess. All good wishes for your family!

[@madisonc2410]

Yes you need to take care of yourself. I went to see my mom almost every day she was in memory care. I think it was a great environment for her…engaging with other residents (good or bad), doing craft projects when she would participate, even having a roommate that she seemed to care about a lot. The staff were great and it is a very hard job. My mom just died February 6th…she had a heart attack while I was visiting. It was devastating to watch but it was her time to go and she went fast…the staff was crying & even the EMS driver said oh no it is Roslyn. They all get to know your family member and most truly care about their well being. It is hard but it is sometimes the right thing to do for both of you. Take care of yourself…best wishes!

[@alzheimersproof8211]

My condolences on your mom's death,@@madisonc2410. Tho, I realize that, in the situation, her passing probably gives rise to a complex blend of emotions. It's gratifying to read about genuinely loving care environment! And I think you're daily visitations surely made your mom's experience better than it would have been otherwise. On that note, in a different presentation, I reminded people that the question of "home care vs. nursing-home care" need not be reduced to "either I'm a caregiver or I do nothing." Because, as you write (and as you illustrated by your life and example), family members can still be an important part of their afflicted loved one's support network, even if it's not an in-home-care scenario. Thank you for commenting. All the best to you and your family!

[@deirdrem9320]

Bingo! Lights are on and someone is home! This video compartmentalized a multifaceted, complicated situation of how to assess when is it time for a nursing home. As he states, it is a different set of qualifiers that is unique for every situation; but, the structure in which this information is presented helps me greatly on how to make this decision and when. Thank You!

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you so much! I wish you all the very best as you move towards a decision in your own situation.

[@ramijoy2633]

I would be interested in your opinion of assisted living, memory care vs nursing home

[@alzheimersproof8211]

I have done videos sketching the various care-delivery and living settings that are available. However, I don't think I would have a general opinion about which environment is better overall. Facilities -- even of the same type -- vary dramatically in terms of their cleanliness, friendliness, quality of care, and so on. Additionally, you'd want to consider the expertise (and bedside manner!) of any staff physicians. Another thing to consider is that your loved one's (or your own) prognosis will be highly pertinent. For example, if a person is declining rapidly, then you may be able to predict that any assisted-living stay may be short-lived. All that said, I may do a video talking through some of these complexities. So... thank you for commenting -- and for watching. All the best!

[@annmcnamara7107]

Thank you

[@joanwilliams-crossley1926]

Thank you. It was very informative

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for saying so -- and for watching. Tho, of course, I'm sorry that you're having to make such a decision. Dementia is horrible :-( You and your family has all my best wishes.

[@janedoe6071]

I can’t handle this situation it’s to much for me it breaks my heart to think I have to put him in a nursing home . But he’s starting to forget things and that hurts to because it’s so sad he has to go thru this. I have no house to take care of him 😭😭 I wish they’d prepared us for this sooner in life

[@alzheimersproof8211]

I'm sorry to read about your troubles. It *is* heartbreaking. And it's like a nightmare in many ways -- not least because, as you say, our loved one's are suffering AND we (as family members and witnesses to their decline) do not know what precisely to do. You have all my very best wishes during this difficult time.

[@nicolarollinson4381]

Watching this video helps me understand what its like for a person with Dementia. Sir, you are too close to the camera and all the arm' waving is very distracting and looks threatening. As a professional carer, I have to add that your advice is excellent, for family members of mothers, fathers, sisters, etc, who have Dementia.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for your kind words -- and for watching in the first place! Thanks, also, for the constructive criticism. I'm definitely prone to gesticulation. Though, I don't have a recording "studio" or anything like a professional-quality camera-and-lighting setup. So, to a certain degree, I'm a bit stuck. Sometimes, given the space I have, I mean that literally! But, seriously, when I've stood further back (as I did for my video on "How Does Someone Die From Alzheimer's?"), some people have explained that they can't hear me well. All that to say: Creating videos is certainly a process! And it's been a learning experience for me as well. We'll see if I will eventually be able to justify trying to fine-tune my productions. If that pans out, I'll definitely remember your feeback! All good wishes!

[@nicolarollinson4381]

@@alzheimersproof8211 My apologies. I obviously wasn't aware that you work in a confined space. It was intended to be constructive criticism. Currectly, I'm honing my skills and therefore I tend to look through the eyes of a person with Dementia or special needs. Its getting to the point where I should have a break. 😊 I wish you every success

[@alzheimersproof8211]

@@nicolarollinson4381 No worries! And... thank you for the well wishes! On the arm and hand movements: I suppose I have assumed that the bulk of my audience would be family (and, to a lesser extent perhaps, professional) caregivers -- rather than dementia-afflicted persons, per se. It never occurred to me that they might be offputting to someone with a cognitive impairment. In fact, going a little further, several "KZbinrs" who purport to give advice on video-making recommend trying to "up the energy level" in order to keep viewers' attention. So... there's never any shortage of conflicting opinions! Sometimes, one doesn't know what to do -- or who may (or may not) be watching! Thank you for commenting (and following up)! Cheers!

[@kimcarpenter7531]

Your videos are a fife saver

[@adrianapusztai6806]

Thank you 🙏

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for watching!

[@neacienation]

I'm taking care of my mom full time and also my autistic brother and I don't think I can do it. It would break my mom's heart if I put her in long-term care. I don't know what to do I don't get support from anybody else.

[@joshcevera170]

I feel for you. I was the caretaker for my mother and it takes such a toll on you. Hardest decision I had to make, but eventually it needed to be done. Not only for my own health & sanity but for her safety and professional care. Happened in August so it’s only been 3 months but it’ll get better. The thing I keep telling myself is that she’s safe and cared for.

[@goingfreenow3297]

My mom is in the hospital. So what I did I would make regular visist and spent like morning with her. She thought she was living at her home. She would look at the staff and think it was my sister or brother. Then after a walk in the building she said she wanted to go home and we would go to her room and she would be happy talking about her room like it was her home. Then she would want to go for a walk again. I think she liked being around people too and not alone. She does activities with the staff and other peers there too. Before she went to the hospital I was trying to get my mom enrolled in adult programs so when I go to work she is looked after and I can pick her up after work, but she became angry NO!

[@gracecash833]

@@goingfreenow3297 my moms mom is wanting to move in with us but we don’t want her too because she would be expecting someone to wake up at the crack of dawn to cook her breakfast make her lunch no we not doing that now I’m worrying about my future I need my own privacy no drama own quiet space no old lady staring at me I wish I could shoot her

[@gracecash833]

@@goingfreenow3297 we could tell that she wants to move in our home but nope she not going too I can shoot her in front of my mom if I need too idc

[@alzheimersproof8211]

I'm so sorry for your troubles. The double caretaking role would require Herculean effort. How has that been going? Are you still serving your brother and mom in the same capacity?

[@msjones8873]

Thankyou!!!

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thank you for watching!

[@ggbouvier9897]

I live 2.5 hours away from my mom who will soon be moved to a memory care center. She wants to stay in the area where she is at or should I just put my foot down and move her to a MC in my town? I do have a place to stay where she is at currently.

[@idabowen6751]

Legal question also

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Whew. I wish I had good answers to questions like these. Unfortunately, they are so situation-specific, there's not really a one-size-fits-all approach. Your best bet would be to have frank discussions with her caretakers. At some point, she may not have the wherewithal to know where she is -- regardless of which facility you choose. At the same time, relocation can be traumatic during various stages. So, there are lots of actors (as you doubtless know already). I hope you can navigate these issues -- if you haven't already! Thank you for watching.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

That's always a possibility. A good practice is to run possible scenarios past a variety of advisers and confidantes: doctors, family members, friends, lawyers, etc. Thanks for watching :-)

[@Diddy45.]

I am in stage that my health is already effected by mom, she is eating everything she gets, talking 24/7 that's sleepless and stress during day

[@alzheimersproof8211]

I'm so sorry to read it. I wish you all the best in your difficult situation.

[@kristinemargaritis7995]

My Mother is in stage 6 from my own research. Her primary told me something bad needs to happen to get any help . She’s been living with me and it’s so hard . She refuses everything and can barely walk. She’s up all night and I finally said the kitchen is closed by 11 pm but she can’t cook she can only heat things up . She’s been choking on water and fully incontinence. She refuses to bathe and gets urine and bowl all over my Bathroom. I’m not sure how long stage 6 to stage 7 takes . Thank you for this information

[@jhs55]

I have cared for people with Alzheimer's it can be difficult but if you can afford it keep them home hire care givers it is better for the person with Alzheimer's, they get angry because they are trying to remember what they wanted to tell you something but can't remember that makes them angry, That's why the parents save money so they can be cared for at home, and it's about the same amount of money you spend for nursing homes. I know of a family there husband father had to get a dead bolt locks so that they couldn't get out.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Thanks for commenting -- and watching! Indeed, caretaking for my dad was one of the most difficult things I've yet had to do. So, you're quite correct. Also, I have a *lot* of sympathy for the thought that home care is superior to nursing-home care "for the person with Alzheimer's...". I'm actually in the process of writing a script for a video where I get into -- and came to -- that conclusion. Having said that, and *unfortunately* as you doubtless know, it's not always feasible or emotionally / financially / physically possible for folks to do it. But, as you say, *if* you "can afford it" -- in applicable all senses -- then I think home care probably does have the presumption in its favor. Finally, *I* had to install double-keyed deadbolts for the same reason! I actually got into that subject, here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nX6XpGCnmchrpsk . Anyway... thank you so much, again. And bless you for your past caregiving! All good wishes :-)

[@privatecat1619]

One BIG thing I will say is, if you have a loved one in aged care, ENSURE YOU VISIT THEM a MINIMUM 4 x per week, MINIMUM. If staff see you are in all of the time your loved one will be looked after much better.

[@melaniemartinez-kx7ng]

Wow, you've talked for 5 minutes and just repeated yourself over and over about what the video is about and so far you havent said a thing! Im out...

[@alzheimersproof8211]

Sorry you had a bad experience. From my quick review, I frame the discussion starting at around 2 minutes, 51 seconds: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pXLLZqataaaXmLs and then I subdivide the two (2) main questions into four (4) considerations beginning at 3 minutes 41 seconds kzbin.info/www/bejne/pXLLZqataaaXmLs. I also notice that KZbin itself has created "chapter" breaks, which you can always check out in the description. All that said, I hope you find a presentation that better meets your expectations. All good wishes for your care situation.

[@eifionjones559]

I cared for my wife on my own she had both Alzheimer's and Parkinson At the time of her death she was 78 and me 76, It did not occur to me to farm her out to await death to make my life more comfortable. This guy give me the creeps and is a perfect example of all that is wrong with modern society

[@suekeller3493]

This is a very cruel thing to say. I have not "farmed" my husband out. Generally, it is harder for women to physically care for male partners. He could not shower, or respond well to incontinence cleanup. Two years after going into memory care, he is still extremely strong. Don't think it didn't break my heart to have to do this, it will always break my heart. It is more expensive to bring in 24/7 care at home than for them to go in a home. In my area, $25,000 per month for a full time nurse. Average people can't afford that. It is horrible to leave your spouse looking at you in emotional pain when you leave. Think about the whole picture before criticizing people that are trying to make awful, soul gutting decisions.

[@eifionjones559]

we each make our own choice and live with it , I made a promise on our wedding day and kept it however hard it became to do on my own-. She died at home with her hand in mine@@suekeller3493

[@quantumannihilator3431]

He was not suggesting that you should "farm out" your loved one, did you actually watch the video? At no point did he say anything even remotely like what you're accusing him of. His point was that not everyone has the means to take care of their alzheimers-afflicted family member and so sometimes a nursing home is the best option. It's not fair to your loved one to keep them in an environment where they cannot be properly cared for. Don't be a dumbass.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

It's genuinely great (and inspiring) that you provided solo caregiving to your wife! Thanks for sharing. Frankly, though, I'm at a loss as to what prompted you to attribute unsavory motives to me. What part of the video did you find problematic? Or... is that you object to the mere fact that *anyone* would EVER even consider admitting their loved one into a nursing home? Let's think about that for a moment. Presumably, one of the following is true. Nursing homes are either: (1) *always* necessary, (2) *never* necessary, or (3) *sometimes* necessary. If you cared for your wife until her death, by yourself, at home, then your case suffices to show that nursing-home care is *not ALWAYS* necessary. I hope that no one who takes the time to view my video walks away with the impression that I think or say anything to the contrary of this! On the other hand, I do NOT think that nursing homes are *never* necessary, practically speaking. Ignoring cases where a dementia-stricken person has no one to care for them (and, therefore, a nursing home is the only game in town), what if the non-afflicted spouse were physically disabled? What if, as in my case, there are young children in the home and the cognitively impaired individual has tendencies towards hard-to-control (or uncontrollable) aggression? What if the caregiver needs to work for a living and the Alzheimer's sufferer gets to a point where he or she cannot be left alone? What if the afflicted person requires skilled care that the family is unqualified to provide? By my lights, these and many, MANY, *MANY* other cases clearly show that *sometimes* -- and unfortunately -- nursing-home care does become necessary. (I hasten to add that you could still have been an important caretaker for your wife EVEN IF she *had* been confined to a nursing home. Many families visit their loved ones daily, as I mention, here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hmTQpIGMiN2omdk ) The tricky thing is to distinguish genuinely necessary cases from other ones. And *this* is the burden of my presentation: to help people carefully think through factors that favor at-home caretaking vs. nursing-home care. I take it for granted that my viewership loves their afflicted relatives! If someone doesn't care AT ALL, then they wouldn't spend one minute making this kind of decision -- let alone would they anguish over the choice as (by all accounts) most commenters (and, probably, many more viewers) surely do! No, for my audience anyway, it's emphatically *NOT* a question of trying to maximize personal "comfort"; it's, rather, an attempt to cope with or overcome desperation. We just think that, contrary to ANY one-size-fits-all approach (whether it be of the "always" or the "never" variety), the way forward is not always obvious. All good wishes.

[@alzheimersproof8211]

@@suekeller3493 Your phrase says it all: These really are "awful, soul-gutting decisions." I'm sorry for your heartbreak.

[@psalm6859]

Please get to the point