When Your Partner Can’t - or Won’t - Meet Your Needs

You might want more quality time with your partner, and they might want more time with their friends and less time at home.
You might want more non-sexual touch from your boyfriend, but he wants more sex and isn’t available for cuddles.
You might want to spend less time cleaning around the house, and he might want to spend Saturday mornings mopping the floors and tidying up.
Or you might be like me - wanting more commitment from someone isn’t wasn’t able to meet that need.
So, what now?
What options are available when you feel at a standstill in your relationship? How can you get your needs met from someone who can’t or won’t meet that particular need?
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[@destroyraiden]

No it's not ok to constantly not have your needs met hence why it gives you mental & health issues.

[@AimeeStClaire63]

Right

[@elainedavies4539]

So true. It’s affects your well-being definitely

[@ta_nimal2023]

Starts at 3:47 >>> 1. Get creative & negotiate 2. Accept they won't meet your need. 3. Leave the relationship.

[@plantbasedunicorn7995]

Thank you.

[@puscifer99]

I left, that was the best option. A useless partner by definition is not a partner.

[@randyfocht737]

Good point!

[@puscifer99]

@@randyfocht737 like the idea of trying to fix the situation when a partner can't or won't, save yourself the time from wasting effort on someone who had weaponised incompetence. If you are here, you don't have a partner.

[@TheCupcakeicecream]

My partner wanted a clean house, cooking 4 times a week, juicing his green juices in the morning, Washing and ironing his clothes every other day. Me to work out 4 times a week oh and I can’t eat meat. Also I must clean his office when it gets untidy. We do not live together so I thought this was a lot. He also didn’t want to compromise on these. Felt like he wanted a service more than me.

[@rosesandthorns47]

Omg. He needs to pay a housekeeper and kitchen help.

[@TheCupcakeicecream]

@@rosesandthorns47 found out he was a narcissist and left, thank God!

[@rosesandthorns47]

@@TheCupcakeicecream YEAY!!! Good for you!

[@miranda6738]

Wow!!!

[@societiesscapegoat8715]

@@TheCupcakeicecream I was thinking that as I read your comment lol!

[@N0nManfiold99]

Other than the usual boundaries of a average manogamous relationship, all I've ever asked from them is for physical intimacy. That's my love language. But she suddenly became asexual due to meds and didn't want to find a compromise or solution. She didn't respect my sexual needs or value them in any way even though it made me unhappy they weren't being met. I do so much for her and love her. She has her needs met but she wont compromise, so it's ending.

[@randyfocht737]

You just said exactly what I was thinking! Exactly. This also looks a lot like a spoiled child who has become self-centered and selfishness or narcissism.

[@raggierock2848]

I feel that

[@ItsMeLily4]

One doesn’t “become” asexual FYI

[@melkerner]

Yep - between Perimenopause / menopause and long term Prozac use for migraines - her sex drive is dead and she has zero desire, refuses to address it or do anything to medically address it. "I am just too needy". 22 years of marriage and 15 of it essentially sexless, with nothing, not even a kiss for the last 8 years. Trapped with kids at home for another 5 years (all adopted). Just senseless and frustrating.

[@welder4life690]

i don't understand the concept of why ,if they are attracted to you or "love you",why do you have to ask them for physical intimacy,its should be a desire and a want,not a chore ,and doing it because you said thats what you need makes you feel lime they are only doing it out of pity ...i just can't comprehend why your partner dont feel urges to touch you or be physical and intimate,or they always want it but dont give it...its so confusing to me ,and i always take it as though they are in the relationship for different reasons or its manipulative or you get a feeling of being used,as though they like that you fullfill their needs,and thats why they are with you,but they have no desire to reciprocate or fullfill your needs...its a very used feeling

[@randyfocht737]

Well said! Exactly right. If they ask but don't give, then you know that there is a BIG problem.

[@per_growth]

Oh definitely they are in the relationship for different reasons other than intimacy. To be fair - there are OTHER reasons to be with your partner aside from intimacy right? My take on this is if a certain need isn't being met - then I will just outsource that need. If the house isn't being cleaned: hire a maid to clean it once a week. If the meals aren't being cooked: buy take out or hire a chef who can cook for you 2x a week. If sex isn't on the menu: get some on the side. Relationships do not revolve solely on sexual intimacy. Of course it would be nice to have an exciting sex life - but that isn't really just possible for everyone. And losing that 'exciting sex life' doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up your relationship that may give you other benefits (your kids, your family, stability, responsibility, etc). We are in the same boat (i've been in this boat for more than 15y) and I've come to realize that sex is a great thing, but it's not the ONLY thing.

[@laurennicole7098]

Thank you- this is fantastic- really needed to hear this!!!!

[@LunarMarie]

You addressed everything in this topic and I think it's great and very helpful. Thank you.

[@daphne3717]

His needs were to live in a van as a nomad with no income. And my need is a home, security, and money. Love was just not enough to compromise our needs. It’s been 2 months since break up and hurts like hell.

[@lisaburgos1840]

Thank you for this video

[@SamanthaSosaA]

Thank you. This was insightful and helped me to not feel "stuck" or "paralyzed"

[@AimeeStClaire63]

Accept the fact your needs aren’t being met or leave… I think we already knew that. This is just adding traumaaaaaaa

[@BettieBoo]

Love it! I feel empowered but love how you encouraged speaking up for our needs first and compromising, but ultimately being in charge of our own happiness. Love the openness in asking, is there another option for this issue?

[@mixie6650]

I am so frustrated. He doesn't respect my boundaries, at all. He isn't meeting my emotional, sexual, physical, and financial needs. I feel if he could meet 1 needs, I would be okay, but he won't. We have talked and talked... I don't feel safe with him. He is not in my team. He is not a leader, but wants to lead (not going to happen).

[@TheCupcakeicecream]

Remember you are a priority too. Sounds like there is some compatibility issues as well as power play here. You always have an option to leave.

[@mrs.fredrick_]

I’m so sorry sounds like your not in a good situation. Hope it works out or you find someone that can meet your needs.

[@summayah100]

Great video

[@dianastoevelaar9548]

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and experiences in such a concise and compassionate manner; I found it very helpful. 😊 I will subscribe and look up more of your videos next.😊

[@Juicybeachgirls]

GREAT video. Thank you so much. I needed this.

[@Ladyloubna]

❤ love it

[@hearher1178]

Scott , NEVER respects my boundaries‼️

[@carlfreiermuth5424]

A cuddle party? WANT HUGGIES!!!

[@mychal9692]

...crazy...mind blowing in fact... the more I start trying to listen to what the universe is trying to tell me, the more instantaneously the answers seem to come...this auto played after a "re-wire your brain" video...when it is the exact problem I'm trying to find my answers for lately and especially today...the thought had just popped in my head (again), "do I even have anymore patients in me to be understanding any longer?" And then this video played immediately after that thought😌 god/godess/guides/guardians, truly do work in mysterious ways Thanks for sharing🖤💛🖤

[@jugzbpoppin]

People saying just leave, but what if you cant?

[@Hanli250]

what about when your partner doesnt even know what his needs are?

[@TheCupcakeicecream]

Have a talk and ask him, give him time to think things over if he’s totally clueless.

[@debbiecollins3079]

Im not meet half way.... But I'm told i will do better but you haven't seen any of what you are asking for.... What do I do now?

[@TexasStardust11]

I feel this comment

[@mrsblessed607]

Know that's right

[@thesoulfulscorp]

Problem I had was he felt I couldn’t fulfill the vulnerability needs after him cheating and lying for years at a time. In turn he decided he didn’t want to cut off an ex because she fulfills those needs for him. This broke me all the way down but I had to realize my value is not meant for everyone to see. He didn’t care to try to work through the distress of the relationship.

[@per_growth]

was he cheating because you weren't giving intimacy? genuine question here.

[@thesoulfulscorp]

@@per_growth he said he felt he couldn’t be 100% vulnerable and tell me everything without me getting upset

[@per_growth]

You will never find the perfect partner - and even if you do NOW - there's no guarantee she will still be perfect for you (or you for her) 5y down the road. Accept that some needs will never be met - but don't take it lying down. Do something about it. House isn't being cleaned: hire a maid. Meals aren't being cooked: but take out. Intimacy is dead: find someone who desires you. All relationships have needs. And all relationships will have needs not being met. Doesn't necessarily mean you end your relationship because they are not being met.

[@denisemagee2911]

Yes im sexually needy , do I cheat. I love him but he's not meeting my needs.

[@smokingcrab2290]

No relationship should be based on someone suffering at the expense of the other.

[@wittymystic7361]

Bottom line is no one can meet all your needs. You might meet the perfect partner, and 5 years later, a wagglelit hits the market. You HATE the wagglelit, and your partner wants to operate their life around it. What do you do? Do you look for a new partner who also hates wagglelits? What if you find one, and then everything is okay until the Wagglelit2 hits the market and you find you LOVE it. Do you return to the other partner who also likes the new model? What a conundrum.

[@weavedrsapothecary4125]

The people are too needy is correct

[@milkmanswife93696]

no, thank you

[@denisemagee2911]

I agree,

[@AimeeStClaire63]

Husband literally told me I’m too much.

[@AimeeStClaire63]

Can’t meet one of my needs And I’m the one that has to change my whole love language. I don’t even know anymore.

[@samanthavasquez9777]

@@AimeeStClaire63leave him

[@archerx68]

disabled... No education no family and no friends... In need of financial and long term stability... living with boyfriend... And hates men and sex!

[@eileen9992]

Love how this dude thinks women just help one another to clean their houses and give one another massages.If that was the case, why would we need a husband?? Lol wtf

[@thegodOffire__]

She Won't let me Kiss her... We're in a Relationship since 3 years .. Dunno wht to do.. I'm not forcing her for that But I need That .. Wht To do dunno

[@recklessjessica]

Brush ur teeth stop eating onions and stinky foods

[@show_me_your_kitties]

No kissing?? She's not attracted to you.

[@thegodOffire__]

@@show_me_your_kitties we broke Up

[@thegodOffire__]

@@recklessjessica bro am Not Like BTW

[@thegodOffire__]

@@show_me_your_kitties and she's back Some days Ago😂