Who Had The First Drivers' Licence? | QI

[@bradameerbeg2154]

Give him credit, Alan got a lot of mileage out of that joke.

[@IndiBrony]

DU YOU HAVE EIN LICENSE FÜR ZAT MILEAGE, MR AMEERBEG?? I VILLST WRITE ONE!! ZERO ZERO ZERO NEIN!!

[@jonatanrullman]

Yes. About five seconds of it being funny and another two minutes of forcing it.

[@carpii]

they nearly ran out of canned laughter

[@silverXnoise]

@@jonatanrullman Oh, you poor thing. Afflicted with a pathological lack of joy. Well, I’d say keep watching until your spirits are lifted to a degree in which you can relate to the rest of your common people, but there’s no reason to inflict that sort of punishment on everyone else-so maybe instead you could just go away, and in your peaceful solitude, if you’re feeling giddy, give a faint chuckle as the needle pops in…

[@Maya_Pinion]

@@silverXnoise 😳 WOW

[@InspectahPatio]

The S.S.A joke is one of the best I've heard in a while!

[@blamb42]

I always like the story about the German visiting his friend in America and his friend asks "What would happen if you drive without a license in Germany?". The German friend replies "You cannot drive without a license in Germany.". The American persists "But what if you did drive without a license?". The German responds "NO, YOU CANNOT DRIVE WITHOUT A LICENSE IN GERMANY!". We need some of that attitude here.

[@marcussantiago]

I remember James May telling that story on Top Gear, hilarious

[@TheAlps36]

@@marcussantiago "no, no you cannot do this" "You cannot drive; you have no licence!" "IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DRIVE WITHOUT A LICENCE!!!"

[@tomstamford6837]

You (if you can stand this woman's attitude) should see this then. Talk about stubborn, idiotic and someone who should not be on the roads. kzbin.info/www/bejne/enStkoimi5eeg9k

[@davidlawrence3106]

Either I don't get the joke or this is a stupid story.

[@lukereilly9844]

@@davidlawrence3106 the joke is that the Germans are such sticklers for the rules that its inconceivable that they'd drive without a licence

[@LeornianCyng]

Such a brilliant episode. Two reasons why I love this clip. 1) In series R, Sandi told us another fact relating to this. His wife Bertha invented break pads after stealing/borrowing his car. 2) Alan’s memorable and hilarious impression, which I have watched many times since the original broadcast. Thus creating the catchphrase “where’s your license” lol.

[@Adrianovaz2007]

was that the same episode where they talk about the windscreen wipers invention?

[@woodrobin]

"Don't look at the lights; the lights never hit anyone." That's an unexpected pearl of wisdom there. My own motto is "Drive under the assumption that everyone else on the road will drive like an idiot, and you will never be *unpleasantly* surprised."

[@Jono1982]

I do this as a pesterian I'll assume everyone on the road has no license, no insurance and has L stickers.

[@BubbaSmurft]

That's just Stoism 101.

[@richardw64]

So correct. There are plenty out there.

[@GuanoLad]

As a pedestrian, I follow your motto also.

[@kieranogg6346]

My motto when on my motorbike is "assume every other driver is actively trying to hit you"

[@joe-jones]

Love the german license bit. Alan, Phil and Andy all adding brilliance to the pot.

[@garydilnot2212]

Where's Henning Wehn when we need him??

[@Ravaxr]

There's another problem with signal color that cropped up in railroads. There, they had red for stop like road signals, but they had white for go. Perfectly fine system until a red lens breaks or falls out and now you've got a white lamp.

[@hadorstapa]

And in the UK, at least during the time of incandescent bulbs, the glass of green railway signals was blue, because the bulbs were yellow rather than pure white.

[@bigblue6917]

Early railways signaling was a problem in that there was no standardisation to them. They used signal arms as well as lights but it was the arms you looked at in daylight. So an arm may be horizontal as if it was pointing west. Raised as in the same position as north west on a compass. Or down in the position of south west. The problem was that what these positions meant depended on the railway company. And as each companies trains may travel over several the tracks of several different companies the drivers had to know which companies signals they were looking at and what they meant. To add to the problem was if the signal was faulty could give the wrong information and cause an accident, which it did on several occasion. In the end the signals were standardised and had a fail safe position which had things much safer.

[@franzfanz]

Oh yes, that would create a bit of a pickle.

[@codyluka8355]

Oh dear!

[@Jesusexplains]

And I look v d in China in the early 1980’s, and cars would drive at night with h no longer guts to save battery power, but suddenly hit high beam if they thought another vehicle was approaching. 🤪😳Crazy … until 5 foreigners were killed in a taxi - then they changed the rules: (And you think the Chinese could win a war with the same mentality that had them building a great wall to keep out the armies of invading Mongols?) Smart at inventing, but no so in other areas.

[@speterj1]

0:15 This clip showed it’s age with blockbuster. And I feel nostalgic for it

[@christopherdean1326]

Blockbuster was long gone by this time...

[@tonyhawk123]

Ah the good old days of high fees for late returns. The whippersnappers of today dont know what they missed out on.

[@Soken50]

@@tonyhawk123 Now we can just pirate the entire library, no late fee to incur

[@Lord_Skeptic]

There is still one blockbuster around

[@naryanr]

One of my favourite QI bits ever. I hope people are appreciating Alan, because he's one of the only well-known comedians on earth keeping alive this old style of British humour that I love. Can anyone point me in the direction of any comedian, from any country, still propagating this brilliant Monty Python-style of humour? Besides Alan and Eddie Izzard?

[@tipi5586]

Essentially, what you're describing is late 20th century English middle-class humour. Due to the major shift in the English middle classes of the last 30 years from somewhat conservative libertarianism to somewhat left leaning authoritarian classism, these comedians basically aren't being born anymore.

[@marcelldavis4809]

Map Men by Jay Foreman and Mark Cooper-Jones is very, very pythonesque, and it's all right here on KZbin (but I think they also do live performances). Mitchell & Webb also come to mind, it's no the same but similar enough.

[@hdng1984]

I think Off Menu (Ed Gamble and James Acaster) has a very dry British sense of humour. It's not strictly pythonesque, but it's quite in line with Alan's kind of jokes here.

[@thegreenmage6956]

@@tipi5586 this chap knows what’s up.

[@ratholin]

lol Alan would litterally have kept going with that for hours. He was having more and more fun.

[@mrcaboosevg6089]

Alan will always be the funniest panellist even though he's in every episode

[@lemedico]

Alan is not funny

[@mrcaboosevg6089]

@@lemedico That's your opinion, myself and most others would say he is. Humour is subjective, you not liking it doesn't make him not funny it just means you personally don't like it

[@vasilip]

@@lemedico You know what else is not funny? Someone making the same comment over and over. But then again person like that claiming he is urologist and surgeon makes it quite silly.

[@waynemarvin5661]

If only he wouldn't interrupt the others.

[@angrytedtalks]

I don't like him. He is childish, not always by choice.

[@charlotteschrotte]

I’m always impressed by Stephens german accent, it’s reeeally good and that’s pretty rare (sorry :D)

[@MichaelCoombes776]

His camp "Mein handy" is a classic

[@Efemral]

He does a great Aussie accent too, which is also rare

[@charlotteschrotte]

@Michael Coombes ohh, yeah I love that one 😂

[@BLT1967too]

@@Efemral "Why is the Australian taxpayer not paying for home-made Australian entertainment but paying for wall-to-wall bloody Stephen bloody Fry? It's QI, QI, QI, all the bloody time!"

[@DavidTaylor-yl3yw]

He mentioned once that one of his grandfathers was German.

[@ElvenSpellmaker]

I just randomly thought of this and had to come and listen, Alan's impression is hilarious.

[@randomcreek]

Why on Earth is that an old Polish driver licence with Alan's face?

[@danielchiverton4168]

Because the previous question is about the fact that Irish police officers cited the same Polish man for speeding all over the country only to realise that it wasn't the same person, they were just writing the polish for driving license down: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aXW0c5ZpmquIorc

[@pauloldfield8378]

I love when Alan does funny voices like this because they're so hilarious. He could have his own show where he does funny voices & impressions for an hour & it would likely get more views then Qi.

[@dazediss6629]

Dees pink polenta, I larv eeeet!

[@shipbiulder101]

Just realised the blurred photo on the driving lisence is Alan.

[@SunnyIntervalsORG]

No, it's that bloke Prawo Jazda!

[@juliannerohm1451]

In Wisconsin, traffic lights are sideways, so red is on the left and green is on the right.

[@zacmumblethunder7466]

Thanks, Stephen, now I've got to Google Lithuanian gynaecological exams to find out what happened. Thanks a lot, Mr Let's-tell-half-a-story. Edit: It was a soviet era law that was repealed in 2002. The law used to require the examination because someone at sometime said that there were certain gynaecological conditions that would make women pass out while driving.

[@clockworkkirlia7475]

To be fair, it's quite possibly the editing as they have a lot to get through and they want most of it to be informative *and* funny, but I do appreciate the information, thank you!

[@lauriespencer4132]

I love this bit. I just came to watch it again.

[@karlparker4680]

Salve Naiad on the driving license unscrambled is Alan Davies! Love it

[@ryshow9118]

That Blockbuster joke dated this clip more than just about anything else could have 😂

[@tasosk6946]

One of the best bits of Fry and the others. And Alan.

[@UberMan5000]

VERE'S YOH LICENSE?! ZEHRO-ZEHRO-ZEHRO... TWO!!

[@puirYorick]

I wish they had explained the reason for the alleged gyno exam in Lithuania. It seems like such a throwaway assertion like: All Martian microorganisms are left handed.

[@JacksonBockus]

Basically they were worried that some kind of uterine affliction would cause a sudden loss of consciousness while driving.

[@Soken50]

@@JacksonBockus Wouldn't want any bouts of sudden road hysteria, would we ?

[@mattdavis9601]

Fry did say that there was a single guy working the office.

[@puirYorick]

@@mattdavis9601 I'd have to re-watch it but that only seemed like Fry was comically co-signing the lewd joke implication just given. Perhaps that *was* the whole intent - just to set up an obvious lurid schoolboys' joke in the style of ...that's what *she* said!

[@captainboots]

This is one of my favorite bits from the show!

[@irreverend_]

Wow, Blockbuster. I remember when Netflix was just a DVD rental postal service....

[@Maya_Pinion]

I adore Alan so much,I actually joined BritBox over here 🇺🇸 so that I could "re watch" a young Cutsy pie Alan and Caroline Quentin in Jonathan Creek series,and of course repeats of Vera ,the British Columbo only better ..✌️

[@BubbaSmurft]

You cut that aboot 5 seconds to soon, we need to hear Alan repeat "... the lights never hit anyone." in the German accent.

[@OktoberStorm]

Alan was on fire!

[@greglinski2208]

When my son was about 11 years old he entered a Jaycee Relay Race. He’d never ran track before and didn’t know everybody wore shorts. He came in jeans, to everyone’s amusement. He ran the last leg for his team - and came away the fastest runner of the day, and made up considerable distance to win. This video made me think of that day. How I wish I had been able to see it, instead of only hear and read about it. I was a single mom and had to work. My son was an amazing athlete. ❤️

[@__-cd9ug]

I think maybe you commented under the wrong video, or perhaps I'm too dumb to see the connection! Either way that was a nice story and we're proud of you and your son

[@chrismelikian]

@@__-cd9ug QI watchers are such decent people....

[@sanuspg]

Wow, here I am, watching random QI videos, and suddenly, a wild Polish driving licence appears :D how nice! (greetings from Poland :) )

[@jonathanconnor8190]

This reminds me of the time in the Republic of Ireland when the the Guarda kept stopping Prawo Jazdy for various driving driving offences only to be told Prawo Jazdy is Polish for driver’s licence!

[@AndrewTBP]

That was the bit just before this bit in the episode.

[@donchon7580]

They should bring back stephen as a guest. That would be fun

[@221b-Maker-Street]

This will never happen. It's poor form as it undermines the incumbent host. Also, I doubt they could afford him...

[@donchon7580]

@@221b-Maker-Street undermine the host? It isn't like it's an elected officials office. Its a low stakes trivia show.

[@BigFatCock0]

@@221b-Maker-Street What are you on about?

[@BNL07604]

This and the Acropolis. That is all.

[@MichaelCoombes776]

And giant tortoises!

[@billthomas2652]

At 2:43 Phil has a thought that cracks him up and then he think better of saying it. Let's let that sink in. A thought so terrible that Phill Jupitus thinks better of saying it out loud!

[@NickyG-NZ]

It's somewhat satisfying to see Alan get one over on Steven with the traffic light colours in the dark

[@geoffroi-le-Hook]

In Québec (ville, at least), the red lights are square, the yellow lights are diamond-shaped, and the green lights are round. And there are often two red lights.

[@Scottagram]

Japan is trying to standardise all go lights to be green. There are still many blue ones around, because the Japanese kanji "ao" means both blue or green.

[@TheKeebster1]

Was waiting for Hugh to say "I'm not a doctor." "...but I play one on TV." 🤣

[@christopherdean1326]

Wrong Hugh, Dennis not Laurie...

[@TheKeebster1]

@@christopherdean1326 Hugh Dennis plays a doctor on Not Going Out, Lee Mack’s TV show.

[@danawrigleywalkingstickand5677]

@@TheKeebster1 Also in My Hero with Ardal O'Hanlon. He played Dr. Piers Crispin.

[@christopherdean1326]

@@TheKeebster1 Ah, I don't watch that. Or anything else for that matter......

[@shearnotspear]

In Japan, the lights are the same colour as in most of the world (at least roughly), but they are referred to as red, yellow and blue lights.

[@KyuzouTV]

"the SS...a" always gets me

[@Arcusfp1]

Early traffic lights only used 3 bulbs for the four sides. Opposing sides would have red at the top and the other two sides would have green. The top light would switch on, showing green on two sides and red on the other two. And then when the bottom came on it would be vice versa. So your light sequence was green yellow red yellow green yellow red... As the lights switched on and off in a pattern from top to bottom. Very simple operation, but a nightmare for color blind drivers.

[@tipi5586]

Yes, but if you were colour blind you would certainly know about it after both world wars. "Why were to shooting at British soldiers, private?" "You told me to shoot anyone wearing grey." "Right, straight to the logistics corps for you!"

[@EnoVarma]

Oh, this classic. Alan does a better Mr. Benz than Mr. Benz himself. It's my favourite Alan bit of all time.

[@CornishCreamtea07]

0:28 Stephen came up with that retort so fast, Phil didn't know how to respond.

[@EebstertheGreat]

The Cultural Revolution trying to change traffic lights is kind of nuts. It wasn't a decision that came from the top; rather, it was the Beijing Red Guard that came up with the idea and started putting posters all around Beijing saying that from that moment on, red would mean "go" and green would mean "stop." They put guards at some intersections to try to enforce the change, but even in the 60s, Beijing was a huge and complicated city full of roads. Also, they didn't actually change the light cycles, just the interpretation. Naturally, it was an immediate disaster and they quickly had to backtrack.

[@qgde3rty8uiojh90]

The Blockbuster reference clearly dates this. It's still funny though.😅

[@Jesusexplains]

What a FUNNY HILARIOUS BUNCH of guys … 🤣😂😅

[@evilproductionstudios9659]

I wonder if they talked about Prawo Jazdy in that episode.

[@stelonex]

Yes, they did: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aXW0c5ZpmquIorc

[@elizabetholiviaclark]

The ubiquitous Prawo Jazdy.

[@Ammageddon89]

Karl Benz - with the license to drive :P

[@rjakobi]

And so many years later… “Where is YOUR license?”

[@generalmisery]

A common meme of the German driving question is the question "should you try to make eye contact with a blind person crossing the road?"

[@prunabluepepper]

I really don't understand what's so funny about the German "jokes", those weren't even jokes at all, just a description of reality! 😂 Greetings from Germany.

[@alexthehunted]

WHERE IS YOUR LICENSE?!

[@rosemorris7912]

wrongerer? lol In the US, red is either to the extreme left (if the light is horizontal) or at the top (vertical).

[@MusikCassette]

so do you put them back in?

[@johnmorgan1629]

And of course, you cannot rely on the to one being the red when the lights are suspended in a horizontal format, like many are at junctions in America.

[@ThexMJT]

Fantastic bit of comedy of people bouncing off one another

[@Hen16]

Kind of Blue? Are they jazz traffic lights?

[@NewMessage]

I dunno, but I am sure they're still on the road, and they're right in front of me. Come on!!!! * honks horn * It's green! IT'S GREEEEEN!!!!!!

[@shoredude2]

The Queen would have only been exempt from having a license after she became Queen. When she was Princess Elizabeth, wouldn't she have needed a driver's license?

[@AndrewTBP]

Yes, and she drove trucks for the ATS during WW2.

[@gmalenz]

1:56 Alan delivers that perfectly.

[@koekum2142]

To get out of a 'running a red light' ticket you might claim that because of your speed and due to the doppler effect the red light shifted to green. But you might get an astronomical speeding ticket in return.

[@Chonoryokusha]

In Japan, green traffic lights are indeed called "blue".

[@user-hi4sm3ig5j]

I don't know where I heard this, so it could be completely wrong but wasn't the first person in Britain to have a driver licence a man called Mr Bean? Edit: He was called Mr Beere, not Bean.

[@dorkarama3135]

It was a special licence! He could only drive a mini!

[@shearnotspear]

First time I've gone into a QI video knowing the answer... and then be right!

[@shearnotspear]

Although I thought it was a permit from the local council, not the steam boilers association

[@dshack4689]

I wish they had a license for publishing content with auto captions enabled...

[@emjackson2289]

Monty Burns?

[@greenredblue]

Met a guy with red/green color blindness who said he still has difficulty driving in some regions. I had the same thought as Steven, can't you just use position? Not if you're at an intersection where the light is sideways. Rarer, but not uncommon, especially at very large and complicated intersections.

[@KitagumaIgen]

Also when you approach it is easier to see colour than position at a distance at night-time.

[@nmode7420]

2:39 If I ever find a genie in a bottle. The only wish i would ever ask to be granted, is that i know what joke he was about to make, that was so funny yet so inappropriate, he decided to hold his tongue...

[@John_Smith_60]

Yeah, that was my thought as well. If *Phil* decided not to say the joke . . . !?

[@dazediss6629]

Zee ESS ESS!! … ayyy 😎

[@circomnia9984]

Taxidriver gets to red light, and just blow right through it. Passenger says, hey, why don't you stop at red lights? Taxidriver says my brother Jack never stops at red lights, and he's never had an accident!! They get to a green light, taxidriver slams on the brakes. Passenger goes wtf, why?!? Taxidriver replies, my brother Jack might be crossing here.

[@paolagrando5079]

Until the 14 of May 2002 Lithuanian women had to undergo a gynecological exam to have the driving licence?!

[@mvp4lithuania]

I'm Lithuanian and after some googling I found that this was in part due to the government's aim to get women to screen for cancers as they weren't doing enough on their own. Nice to learn sth about my own country :)

[@archstanton6102]

There is probably a very crude joke to be made about this

[@paolagrando5079]

@@mvp4lithuania Oh, that puts it in a different light. But was it compulsory?

[@deividasnavickas]

Can't find anything about it. Asked my mother, she got no clue wtf that's about either. Might be a comedy twist or something that you have to do your medical, first aid and other stuff.

[@mvp4lithuania]

@@paolagrando5079 I think yes but not sure

[@babboon5764]

I reckon the early Lithuanian driving authorities were onto something. Every day on the roads there is a worryingly high percentage who drive like utter .....

[@AnnaAnna-uc2ff]

Not me.

[@pearkore6821]

3:31 I wonder if that's true... Edit: a skim of search results seems to imply its true.

[@malenotyalc]

Vere are your papers?

[@hannahk1306]

The green/blue thing is actually because in some Asian languages green and blue have the same name. What we think of as the base colours is actually a function of the languages we speak, so to them green and blue are just different shades of the same colour.

[@ivanjednobiegowiec7656]

Any particular reason they used Polish driving license as a backdrop picture? Surely, they could use British one couldn't they? Cheers! I.

[@thescrewfly]

The previous anecdote/discussion in this episode was about a Polish motorist in Ireland.

[@ivanjednobiegowiec7656]

@@thescrewfly ta! Makes sense 🤣

[@MrBatman19833]

I seem to be the 00000000002 comment

[@beeble2003]

Yes, but verr iss your liiiicenze?

[@MrBatman19833]

@@beeble2003 hahahhahahhah

[@likebot.]

"The lights never hit anyone". Nice. My saying is even better: Traffic lights are not a law of physics.

[@prismaticmarcus]

did anyone actually say who had the first licence? i feel robbed...

[@AndrewTBP]

Herr Benz. Frau Benz was the first joyrider.

[@horrorfan7148]

I always expect Sandi to say HEY when the laptop is closed lol

[@matthewmorgan6814]

Driving licence.

[@kirbyhans5261]

A Blue whale 🐋

[@badwolf9090]

Driving licence, not drivers licence.

[@pearkore6821]

It's driver's licence in Australia

[@badwolf9090]

@@pearkore6821 What has that got to do with Britain?

[@pearkore6821]

@@badwolf9090 nothing, I suppose but I wasn't talking about Britain. And neither were they. Besides, don't you watch QI to learn neat, inconsiquential things?

[@peterdickinson7842]

Damskechenuberachenverien Correct spelling? Annunciation.

[@TigruArdavi]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technischer_%C3%9Cberwachungsverein

[@TheSuperEsari]

You cant love Alan can you

[@MoistMoments]

00000001

[@zapkvr]

The Queen drives?

[@Dan_G.R.S.]

She notoriously loves (or loved, who knows at her advanced age now) to go driving. There are many stories telling how people going on car rides with her were surprised to see her get into the driver's seat and drive it herself.

[@stephendavis6894]

She was an ambulance driver and a mechanic during the war. She wasn't the Queen then of course, only a lowly princess.

[@AndyK.1]

Look it up on here. Lots of videos of her driving.

[@ProfGlitch]

not anymore she dont

[@noahsimpson98]

DrivING not Drivers

[@RocketFoxProductions]

I had the first one. Also first

[@vitaminjuk]

Comment 0001

[@phillipecook3227]

Mmm. Incorrect heading. Stephen says it correctly: " driving license" in the UK ( drivers license USA)

[@gwishart]

Mmm. Incorrect comment. In the UK, it's: "Driving Licence". Licence is a noun. License is a verb. Americans use "license" for both noun and verb.

[@stevenharvey9170]

pp

[@dorkarama3135]

The Queen doesn't have a drivers licence to drive that Land Rover!!! If ever there was a reason for Britain to become a Republic...

[@221b-Maker-Street]

QI's millennial YT uploader: we call it a _Driving_ Licence - this is not America. 🙄

[@mattsmedley.onehandedgamin9029]

Having such a nice time,then Sandi pops up....

[@mcswordfish]

Except, you don't need a Driver's Licence to drive in the UK It's a Driving Licence

[@SunnyIntervalsORG]

And the winner of the Rory McGrath award goes to...

[@mcswordfish]

@@SunnyIntervalsORG To quote Hedonism it "I apologise for nothing"

[@jacobpaint]

This will be controversial but as much as I do like Alan, I think he pushes simple jokes too far sometimes and they become tedious. It seems to me that people are just laughing because it’s Alan and he’s just a generally likeable chap. After his first “where’s your license” it was mostly just repeating the same joke with the silly accent (which turned into Borat for one moment).

[@stephenfoster7265]

Jokes dont have to be overly complex and genius, the point is to make people laugh and I can say with all honesty that I laughed alot at this clip.

[@chaos.corner]

Repetition is a comedic device. Though it doesn't land every time for sure.

[@lmm2103]

Well I could have listened to him saying that all day lol

[@moobslikejagger5653]

Title: Oooh this should be interesting Content: Oh it's just Alan Davies doing a stupid voice for four minutes again

[@charlesmurray3255]

Alan is so painful.