Who Says Children Don't Come with a Manual?

My Q&A: • Answers: Part 2 - Hypo...
THE MANUAL: www.drfayesnyde...

[@Sinclairelim]

I work as a psychologist and mostly deal with kids with behavioral problems. I call bullshit on every and any parent that tells me i shouldn't tell them how to raise their children. Most parents suck. We don't do science the way we "feel it should be", we don't do formal education the way we "feel it should be" either. We don't because that wouldn't work. We know. We tried. It sucked. We shouldn't raise children the way we "feel it should be" either, we should obey guidelines set up by the people who work on researching and investigating what is good and what is bad for a child, and use our judgement for the grey areas. So... i agree with this "The Manual" thing.

[@sanae3990]

what is your problem

[@Sinclairelim]

Having seen too many cases of kids being misstreated, abused and made downright miserable because parents have no idea what they are doing.

[@Rushmanyyz]

+Sinclairelim Hmmm you kind of come off as half-cocked there friend. Someone piss in your cornflakes lately? The people watching this video probably number among those MOST interested in decent parenting techniques. I'd think as a psychologist you'd consider that before posting such... abrasive thoughts.

[@Sinclairelim]

Where did you get the idea i was flaming against the viewers of this video? I was merely sharing my thoughts on the subject.

[@Solonneysa]

+Sinclairelim It's a shame your point is both proven and rendered nearly moot by people who apparently can't read what you wrote. I guess the book should actually be a star wars animated drama with language akin to a four-year-old, instead. The good news is at least 12 people seem to agree and only two bothered to respond negatively.

[@DarkMatter2525]

Judging by the way you turned out, I'd say your mom knows what she's doing.

[@Solbashio]

damn right

[@LoveDayandAge]

Theoretical Bullshit, I am an ex-muslim (sunni, typical egyptian upbringing). When I first watched your videos years and years ago, I was reluctant to absorb a lot of what you were saying. I would say your treatise on morality video was a major stepping stone in renouncing my faith. I don't have a religion today, nor am I an atheist, but I have learned to think critically and be skeptical of things.

[@hooverdog1957]

I saw your mother being interviewed by Stefan Molyneux and this is what led me to your channel. It is wonderful to see she brought someone so articulate and intelligent into the world. I will buy "The Manual" and give copies to my nieces that have children. I'm enjoying your channel as well and so glad I found out about it.

[@betsybabf748]

This does not sound like the average parenting book, so I am interested. My husband and I were very successful in raising our family of 5 kids until the past year. We used to also take in other troubled kids from unstable homes, getting them back on track. We were a team and found being very firm and consistent worked very well with some humor and open communication. Last year, my husband died suddenly and very tragically, immediately followed by my mother's diagnosis of terminal cancer, with her dying weeks ago. Grief therapy, behavior therapy, in home therapy, nothing is helping. The old methods aren't working in this new family dynamic, and especially have the 3 youngest, 3 boys, 9 yrs old and 8 yr old twins, challenging me with everything they have. Having three boys in a year plus a teen and a young adult can be hard enough, so having them lose a parent and grandparent in a short span of time and 5 different reactions to grief times two is very challenging. They have had so much grief, sadness and change, and I am coming out of a year of just death, losing my husband, my mother and gaining all the overwhelming stress and hardship of new widowhood. I'm open to look at a new approach. Fan of your channel and your acting. Thank you for sharing this book.

[@DavidLindes]

Oh wow. I hope, Betsy, that 4 years later, you've found some solace for yourself and your kids, and some support in dealing with all of this.

[@collinabot]

Well your mother raised you right! A good thinker, strong on your views and you're a great actor, keep it up!

[@MikeGalsworthy]

Well, congrats to your mum. I started my academic career in childhood development (genetics of). Always great to see researchers getting their stuff out to a broader audience. Good stuff. I wish her luck with it.

[@DonaldKronos]

Theoretical Bullshit Minor point at 4:00 since most browsers will automatically correct it, but "/" is a forward slash character, not a backslash character ("\").

[@DavidLindes]

Thank you. I didn't want to be the pedant on an 8 year old video, but it did bug me. :D

[@danienull]

I love that you're so proud of your Mothers work. More Parents could use praise, even more parents could use understanding, especially from their children. :)

[@nathippo]

It's easy raising kids ..love them clothe them feed them teach them about respect teach them to treat others how they want to be treated. Talk to them, don't beat or neglect them. Love and kindness is the key x

[@maninspired]

Bought the book! So good to see you making videos even occasionally.

[@LoveDayandAge]

Also, I have 3 kids and I share many of your parenting views. They are young still, but when they get older, I will make sure to be the best mom I can be. Thank you :)

[@RhinestoneReverie]

What a sweet endorsement! Even though I'm not planning on kids, I'm tempted to buy the book just to make your mom happy. Haha. Congrats to your mom on the book! It's a wonderful achievement!

[@Moralatheist101]

LOL. Oh my...that was good!!!! You used the "think for themselves" bit and showed that anyone reading a book can't think for themselves! Oh my, how brilliant! You are right of course and nobody should ever read anything again because reading what others say only means that you CAN"T think for yourself. Wow. You are amazing with the turning of the phrase and the taking out of the context. Again...your parents need this book...it might not be too late....

[@brysi]

Saw your 2.0 checklist on Reddit. Really spoke a lot to me. I've been battling a bunch of these thoughts growing up in a Christian home. I'm 31 now and feel like I'm finally on the path to truth.

[@Honey503]

Awesome! I just rewatched the question series tonight, then I saw this. In so happy for your mom. I love your videos. You're brilliant.

[@MagorianAx]

Now that I've actually watched the video, congrats to your mom! What an accomplishment. When I reach the point in my life where I feel ready to have children, this will most certainly end up on my shelf.

[@Surfette72]

There are certain aspects of being a mom or a dad that one can't prepare for with a manual, such as the unbelievable feeling of love that happens, usually, in an instant after first laying eyes on your child. It's that feeling, so powerful, that I think some ppl confuse with "knowledge." After all, how can we love someone so much without also believing that we will always know what is best for that person? In any case, it is a fantastic book and I think every parent can always be a better one!

[@CaseAgainstFaith1]

Forward slash is perfect, adds even more clarity. But, "/" is certainly not a backslash.

[@floydthemanager]

I hope you see this, I appreciate the time you have taken to speak your mind. Time and time again, you have said everything and more that I feel I cannot. It would be wrong to let you speak for me, but at least with your video's i have what i need to bounce my ideals off of. You're on to something man, dont stop.

[@VarmitCoyote]

I've been patiently waiting for this book to come out, because I've always wanted a fully comprehensive book that covered your seminars and summed up Causal Theory well. Thanks for letting us all know, Skott. I'll be buying a copy if at all possible and talking about some of the concepts included therein for others to benefit from ^^

[@mvoart9829]

This video is so powerful. No one's review of that book is more important than your own. The fact that you think your mom is a good enough parent to write THE MANUAL on parenting is so impressive on so many levels.

[@Matt-ql1cj]

I honestly thought the title was referring to some kind of internal built transmission system inside of a child

[@sbjoelwatson]

God bless your Mom for having brought you into our world (your Dad too).

[@Jaybird196]

I'm not a parent, but I'll seriously consider buying your mother's book, Scott. You seem to have turned out all right :) . Also, I'd really like any children I have later ( if lucky) to avoid the crap I went through as a kid, in the parent-child relationship, so it looks like this book is definitely on my list.

[@Candyliz2003]

What a good son! You and your mom are lucky to have each other.

[@Gravija1980]

I am reading the book now - about half way through - and it is very good. It reads like a university psychology textbook, and Scott is right; it is very comprehensive. The focus is primarily on the psychological/personality development of children and the HEALING of the parents. I was expecting more of a step-by-step instruction guide for daily activities, such as feeding and how to put baby to sleep, but this is BIG PICTURE perspective and I still love it. My son is 9 months now BTW

[@FatLingon]

X-Mas wish... this book in audio-book format, read by you. (I never get tired of your voice and it's intellectual timbre)

[@tarstarkusz]

/ is a forward slash, \ is a backslash.

[@sntemp]

Scott, my wife and I will be buying your Mothers book. We were both raised in religious (Baptist) families. Our parents were loving parents HOWEVER there are things they did that we want to do differently for our children. Mainly religious dogma stuff. I stumbled across your page by accident and am glad I did. YOU are an impressive young man and I would hope for my 3 sons to turn out as you seem to have.

[@rawrberrys]

Glad that something like this got published, hopefully it reaches a lot of fingertips, even though most people don't read, sadly.

[@ashnorton4465]

This video just made me really want to meet your mom. She sounds awesome🙂

[@Eduardo50725]

Nice to see you again, man, you hadn't posted in a while. Congrats on your mother's book ;-)

[@gubraths]

B&B is a guilty pleasure of myself and my husband. (Don't tell anyone.) Haha! Anyway, I "Googled" you after your Emmy win (Congratulations,) and found this channel. I had no idea. You are a very smart dude, and an amazing actor (especially considering what a putz Liam can be.) You are anything but!

[@bflobribean8811]

Now if only I could have HIS baby! Damn, he's so adorable...and with brains too!!!!

[@GuyInAChair3]

Hey congrats on getting married. How you and your partner do well. I was, in the past in a relationship with a Christian, and while sharing the same religious beliefs was never a concern of mine, it did slowly become a major concern for her. Perhaps the biggest reason for our separation was the fact that she realized she couldn't convert me, and every discussion we had on the matter instead lead her to question her own beliefs in a manner she wasn't comfortable with. But again good luck!

[@AForkSpoon]

I would agree. My belief is that the foundation of your personality is unchangeable. Your life experiences will then push you in different ways to form your personality. So basically nature and nurture working together. Nature lays the foundation and nurture forms the rest.

[@aaamarco3]

Man, I realy wish scott started posting his theories up on youtube again. I've watched all of his videos like 5 or so times and it's all still informative to me. Though I guess he has better things to do with his awesome life.

[@cloudstone123]

Ordered the book yesterday as a gift for my roommate who has a 4 year old son. :)

[@Starresky]

This is perfect timing. I want to adopt so this will get me started on my path to being a future parent :)

[@ultimategoobah]

I remember when I was very young, and very full of my own ideas about things, I argued very aggressively with a man trying to tell me to stop thinking.. I said, well, thinking is very affective, look how much we've accomplished with science. His only response was, "I once went to my van, opened it up, and a bird flew right at me and escaped the van.. it occurred to me then, the bird didn't sit there and consider its trap, whether it should be there or not, it simply did what it felt to do"

[@lexZender57732]

... see you on TV at Applebee's for three seconds saying something about your wife and receiving some Emmy award. You seemed excited. It took me several minutes to know where I had seen your face. All I can say now is: i hope you have a child. I would have loved to have you as a father and your mom as my grand mother. All the best to you.

[@OgreVI]

Hey, congrats, Dr. Faye!!!

[@MrWay2green]

Yes! This is very true. I get so worked up when one of my friends tell me that their parents tried to send them to a "pray away the gay" camp. :/

[@Surfette72]

Yes, all very true. Look at other animals who don't have the capacity to "reason" the way we do, yet still react in the same way a human would react in situations that involve protecting, nurturing, and "loving" their young. Life sciences have taught us that these are instincts, usually as a result of natural selection or conditioning. Then again, "science" is just really every man's interpretation of the world around him. Honestly, I don't think any human will ever have definitive answers.

[@07sarida]

I agree with you 100% percent that, "Being on the same philosopical page" is really important. Hence why I would never marry someone who wasnt Christians. I believe that this is what creates the foundation relationship. Even though I don't agree with many of your arguments, I do admitt that you argue your point of view really well. And for that I take my hat of to you. P.s. Im 17, Australian and love watching BnB

[@lexZender57732]

Oh... I forgot to explain, I grew up as an orphan. My adoptive parents were not good people. I am ok now. Life is good.

[@Sideways0J]

I forgot you mentioned this. I remember being curious at the time. I was still considering having a child with my new wife. Now he's due in December. Great timing. :) I studied psychology myself -- I don't think the "textbook" approach will bug me too much. Looking forward to reading it.

[@explosivearii]

I could listen to your voice forever. Brilliant with speeches, seriously. xx

[@kipkoan]

I think it's pretty clear that biology plays a big role in a lot of behaviors. Neuroscience will eventually tell us how much for each type of behavior. The good news is that even if a certain trait is 99% biological, there is still that 1% left to environmental factors that we can influence, so good parenting skills are still valuable.

[@pigin007]

will recommend the book, if the product of your mothers parenting is you then its a must buy.

[@trippedbreaker]

That's got to be a fairly interesting and unique position -- to be, as a person, an embodiment of a recommendation for a book. Kind of like a living prototype that validates a design.

[@ponysmallhorse]

I saw this video when it came out. Now I am expecting a son in February and want to say thank you for manual.

[@InsaneMonk71]

Congratulations on the marriage sir, may you live a long life and find happiness.

[@lexZender57732]

Most likely you do not remember me, but you were very kind to me when I wrote to you several years ago. I do not watch TV but I have followed your YT channel from almost day one. Since I kind of abandoned KZbin for months, it was a surprise to...

[@mime454]

I just saw you on my grandma's favorite soap opera! I was shocked! Lol

[@TheoreticalBullshit]

She has read his work, and remains unconvinced. For some insight into her position and reasons, feel free to check out a wonderfully sourced and thorough book called "The Gene Illusion" by Jay Joseph.

[@csnowutube]

Well, I was hoping it would be a few pages of large print, delivered with the product received approx. 30 years ago. But I also like having autographed books, so I am glad to hear about this. 8]

[@Dip00ts]

Ha, I just rewatched the Q&A video again the other day and was wondering when the book would be available. Cool timing.

[@ChipArgyle]

There's already been an ultimate instruction manual written for raising a child. It was authored by a guy named Dr. Benjamin Spock. He had to apologize for the damage he did.

[@rageoftyrael]

I was merely putting forth an option that would be better than a book that merely gave 1 answer to any given situation. I imagine a book that helped you to learn how to understand children better, and how to better respond to their wants and needs, would be better than that by leagues as well.

[@tnghunter]

Obviously its a big book but if it were an audio book I would own this book personally. I don't even have kids but I know some mothers who would love this book and it would make a great gift.

[@jaynkay100]

To be frank, I've been playing a game with you. I've beenusing many of the same arguments I've been arguing against from a very well learned (and very well brainwashed) apologist. Granted he's actually of a "Van Til" persuasion, but ultimately quite southern baptist. Its been great hearing your thoughts, though. I've really appreciated the fresh take after hearing my own crap rehashed so often.

[@justconsume]

Hey Scott, I saw you were doing a signing at the Grove tonight. I was sad I couldn't stick around and tell you in person how much your videos have meant to me, so I thought I'd do the next best thing and leave an anonymous comment. Best wishes.

[@TheQuinch]

It's not a backslash - it's a forward slash. {explaining and examples cut because KZbin contents don't allow that kinda stuff}

[@Vassago85]

I have no immediate plans to raise children but nonetheless I ordered this book immediately after I saw your video - you've been plugging it long enough :), and you're the perfect prototype :D

[@Xxjody123Xx]

oh my gosh you played skyular on one life to live!

[@AbdulazizUgas]

Omg you're back Scott!!!!

[@vaprex]

Just ordered my copy. (I'm 41 years old, married, with a very energetic [almost] 5 year old.) Looking forward to the read. I enjoy the more dense/heavy material whether in book or youTube form, otherwise, I wouldn't have subscribed. ;-) (Thanks for the coupon code as well. )

[@limelight1397]

I have just found your channel and did not know this. Only you play Liam in the B&B. Thank you.

[@AnthonyAvon]

Scott, we need you back. Your channel is far too valuable and I don't know how these people get here to leave such stupid comments but the rest of really want to hear from you again. Talk about parenting, how we become who we are, do we ever control the development of our personality... I am sure you have a lot to say about it, so please do!

[@frvo]

Congratulations for your mom! My mom is also a psychologist, I would encourage her to get the book if it was in Spanish...

[@wreynolds1995]

I agree with pretty much everything "ciaochowbella" (a different KZbin user who responded to you some time earlier) has said in response to your comment on this video. Although they did misspell "psychology" once.

[@BeatNick13]

Sounds like a great book that anyone would benefit from reading. Whether someone will have children or not, it's all useful and important information, so I would say--good answer to "what book would you make everyone read?".

[@a9aza]

He's on the soap opera ''The bold and beautiful'' as Liam Spencer, not in General Hospital.

[@VeritasLiber]

That is so awesome. Congrats to your Mom.

[@stealspell]

I'm not even arguing with him. All I've done is asked him questions.

[@MoonlitHistory]

Went onto the site. Realized your mum's office in Granada Hills, which is like right around the corner from me. I'm realizing a lot of atheists and theists I encounter in hangouts on youtube are like 30 minutes away from my house. What the derp, man.

[@Coyosso]

It's because there are things called debates, and people enjoy having them because they are very stimulating, and apparently, people like watching them. Who knew? This has only been going on for all of written history.

[@AggieWolverine]

Although I'm skeptical of Dr Faye (she works in repressed memories, and I have some first hand experience with false repressed memories), I can't blame her for her approach. I am not a psychologist, but it seems better and more empowering for parents to concentrate on environment rather than blaming behavior on genetics or diagnoses. Environment is well within the control of the parents, and in most cases research suggests it has a stronger influence than other factors.

[@ObtuseSage]

Any section in the book on ideas for playing pranks on your child that will build strong character? We need to make the arduous burden of bringing up children fun sometimes.

[@Luhgoon]

Please keep in mind, that raising a child to believe or to not believe aren't the only options. A child is blind in regards to all of this, I personally think that when you're child is old enough to know what God is, it's best to say, many people have different beliefs in the world. Some people believe that a God or Gods exist and created the world, and some people don't. When you get older, you'll be able to learn and decide what you believe as well.

[@jimfinucan9886]

Hey there TBS. I'm new to your channel.That q&a video was one of the first one's I watched. Those books you recommended sounded interesting. I ended up getting the Bryson book, as well as The Manuel. Working on Bryson first. Thanks for sharing.

[@cogitated]

1. Psychology is not about theism, or atheism. 2. Atheists can and do have great childhoods.. 3. From all of the well informed, well presented videos Scott has put on his channel in regards to religious beliefs - you can hardly say he has limited his mindset to atheism. On the contrary, many of us atheists take a big interest in learning as much as we can about different religions, so that we can make our own informed decisions as to what we want to believe in (or not believe in).

[@porcupineracer2]

Hey, I thought people were joking around when they said you did soaps but apparently KZbin provides otherwise. I'll have to check out the show sometime. Belated congratulations on your Emmy. No wonder you don't have the time to post videos.

[@aznsbd]

It took me a while to load up the original comment but it seemed unnecessarily rude. Anyways I love your work on B&B you and Jaqueline Mackenzie Woods have had good chemistry and the love triangle storyline with you guys and Kim Matula is what got me really into B&B. Sorry to hear about the departure of Susan Flannery and Ron Moss, the show hasn't been the same since.

[@TheoreticalBullshit]

May I recommend a book called, "The Gene Illusion", by Jay Joseph.

[@TheoreticalBullshit]

I think you ought to read what I wrote again. I didn't reverse anything accidentally.

[@TheoreticalBullshit]

Then I guess we need a better one, don't we?

[@TimdeVisser86]

tiny peeve: it's not a backslash, it's a forward slash.

[@TheCookiezPlz]

YOU'RE ALIVE!

[@COEXISTential]

PS look up George Jacob Holyoake before re-stating your claim that I have the definition of 'secularism' incorrect. Holyoake argued that "Secularism is not an argument against Christianity, it is one independent of it. It does not question the pretensions of Christianity; it advances others. Secularism does not say there is no light or guidance elsewhere, but maintains that there is light and guidance in secular truth, whose conditions and sanctions exist independently, and act forever."

[@Whopwhopable]

I agree, sitting back and blaming genes is definitely not the best thing to do for parents. People tend to underestimate the amount of influence parents can have on the development of children. In her defense, she does mention its based on The Causal Theory and that she will be poking at sacred cows. So I'm not saying she's wrong, but she could've easily mentioned neurologists aren't sure how much influence genes etc have. Explaining its an ongoing discussion, instead of stating it like a fact.

[@Pheobus3309]

Especially when you're on Daytime almost every weekday. >.> You must be SO out of work to be on TV almost every day. Also, thanks for the reading material. :o I just wish it had something for allowing a parent or someone watching children to not get gray hairs when toddlers think they're invincible. D: Unless it does! Then it's even more worth it.

[@07sarida]

yay wish all the best for your mother i really hope the book succeds in the market

[@EyeLean5280]

Looking forward to reading your mom's book!

[@TheoreticalBullshit]

Hi. I wouldn't marry a Christian woman, because I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who sees something entirely different than I do when they look out at the world. Being on the same philosophical page is much too important to me in a relationship. As it happens, I am getting married in the fall, and my fiancee shares my views and philosophy.

[@speedzzfreak]

Congratulations Scott! =)

[@LukeGibsonSS]

bought the book, Shame shipping costs to the UK were so high, had to get the electronic version.

[@kitty16226]

I am going to read that book! Even though I don't agree with having children currently.