Ruby Wax Visits Her Family’s Lost Graves

Ruby Wax discovers the long lost graves of her family members and is the first member of her family to visit them in a long time.
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Ruby Wax's parents fled Vienna for America in 1938. 'They took the war with them and brought it to our kitchen,' says the comedian and mental-health campaigner at the start of this remarkable episode. They raised their only daughter in a dramatically dysfunctional household - Ruby's father was volatile and her mother 'hysterical... screaming in the street.' Ruby wonders if her own mental illness had its origins in her upbringing and the trauma her parents went through, or whether it is in her family's genes.
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Actor, comedian and mental health campaigner Ruby Wax traced the tragic roots of her family's history of mental illness in the Holocaust
In the 1990s, comedian and actor Ruby Wax found a new role. Following a diagnosis of depression, she trained in cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness, and has since worked tirelessly to promote better understanding of mental health issues.
“I think I have lived most of my life in a high anxiety state and so I want to know where that came from,” she says. “And I keep blaming my parents. It would be interesting to know who they’re blaming.”
It’s a story centred on Austria because, although Ruby was raised in Chicago, her parents, Edmund Wachs and Berta Goldmann, were Jewish émigrés who fled the Nazis before the start of the Second World War. “They took the war with them and brought it to our table,” says Ruby.
It’s a remark that reflects a dysfunctional childhood. Her mother had a condition dubbed “hysteria”, while her father was volatile - “a ‘torturer’” in Ruby’s mother’s estimation.
Neither talked much about the past, but Berta left a suitcase full of photographs, documents and letters that, with limited German, Ruby is unable to read. These mementoes prove crucial to Ruby reaching a new understanding of her parents and her wider family.

[@CelticDruidess1]

Trauma energy can most definitely get passed on.

[@janetslicer3637]

This is heartbreaking to me. I do hope she finds the answers she needs.

[@susanford2388]

Oh Ruby. This is so heart breaking. RIP all of your precious family.

[@kathrynsymonds9455]

Sending hugs Ruby, you are not alone xx

[@josephinemiller4780]

Can’t wait to hear what she finds out at the hospital.

[@markvanalstyne1381]

This is very moving

[@POGGIOALSERE]

What a healing moment for her. And what great possibilities are there for her to bring her children into her family history so finally she can have some healing and closure and her children can be proud of their heritage.

[@robertab7341]

I was doing some research on my surname ancestors and at one cemetery there was a substantial stone with two names. The cemetery records were a treasure trove of information. Who was responsible for the grave at different times, where they lived, information on those buried and who else was buried there - children - but not on the stone. Also in other countries if you don't pay for a grave upkeep after a certain amount of time that plot will be re-used and any stone removed. Pressure on land resources.

[@Susan.I]

Oh, how sad

[@debe3838]

I understand how the traumatic effects are passed on from our ancestors through many generations & love knowing when it reaches someone with a strong & courageous heart to stabd firm that the buck stops here, giving the ancestors back their respect & dignity as well as ensuring the hidden malady isnt passed on to their children & generations to come. Laying it peacefully to rest rather than constantly bringing it back to life & reliving it, so their sacrifices were honoured & not simply to feed the vanity of those who were so incredible insensitive & cruel, who really are not memorable at all. Lest we forget.

[@travellersnestoverland]

Ruby, I take my hat off to you

[@RichieRich1234RICH]

God love her for wondering if she should take care of the grave and wanting to get her great aunt a stone. God bless her. Forgotten for nearly 100 years. But not now.

[@michaelgerardcondon8531]

They were trying to protect you . ❤

[@Tawadeb]

I hope you get to take your kids Ruby.