Why Anxiety and Depression Are Connected: Avoidance and Willingness With Painful Emotions

[@chevyferret]

A counselor once told me "When you're numb to pain you're numb to joy." I never forgot that.

[@kayligo]

Taureanwarrior relatable

[@eminemilly]

I realized as my parents hid their pain from us, so too they hid their love..

[@esreen]

Wow this

[@yobhaakman]

@@eminemilly The truth of this hurts like hell, damn..

[@cliffkonkle3467]

When you feel so much pain you are numb to joy.

[@jimwoodman8101]

I have been depressed for a long time, but after taking mushrooms few months ago, l feel much happier and highly motivated and my ADHD gone , lost a ton of anxiousness and had a few epiphanies about how I should live my life. I decided to buy an ounce for backup, but haven’t yet felt the need to take any more since then.

[@WilliamsBrown-f5x]

I have autism, I was diagnosed with it when I was 15. I tried shrooms and it made me function so much better.

[@remyscott6296]

Eek I’m autistic too and might wanna try mushrooms. How do I go about it?

[@HarrisWilson-z4n]

Yeah doc.brentttt is your guide. Man is exceptional with anything psychedelics.

[@DavisMicheal-j5m]

Hello Can he be reached on IG?

[@HarrisWilson-z4n]

Yes doc.Brentttt

[@tessjones5987]

I am 70 and isolated but I see that I still need to change and start to get out there if I am going to get better .Thank you.

[@alicialopez488]

How blessed are u 7o yrs .. cheers

[@makaylahollywood3677]

You are not alone. I started going to the park. Feel connected to animals, birds, trees. Then, I would go to a favorite store and connect with the clerks, ask how their day is and make a lil talk. It's a start;-)

[@SaminaChaddherOfficial]

Wonderful I m 60 and am blank a t future and present too

[@PropertyVlogsUK]

Do it for you Tess!

[@shea5542]

You are inspiring :)

[@sharonr5605]

I have done CBT, ACT, DBT along with years of therapy and I have never heard a simpler explanation for the punishment I am doing to myself by avoiding and suppressing my negative emotions. Explains why I cannot feel joy or gratitude. Growing up I was told I was too sensitive and to 'buck it up' and get on with life. No one showed me how to handle major emotions in a healthy way. I am now learning, albeit slowly, in my 60's. Thank you.

[@RaikenXion]

I hope you're feeling improvement Sharon :)

[@allpointstoone4346]

don't give up, don't stop learning :)

[@kky.x]

Society is breeding toxic relationships

[@anthonygreico9735]

I am happy you are learning to cope. I hope it does not take me that long. I am 38. I have OCD and major depression. Plus, slight Aspergers. A lot of my OCD and depression are connected to existential issues/fixations. Including the future and getting older. Do you understand what I mean? I have started an OCD/depression video blog. I would love comments/feedback as to whether anyone can relate or not. Plus, I want to reach out to others. If/when you have time, please check it out.

[@gracechua9571]

I thought I'm only have the only one.

[@joeker50]

Getting better at feeling instead of just feeling better.. Words I never heard that way. Really nice

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

They come straight from "Get out of your mind and into your life" , straight up Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

[@joeker50]

I hope you can answer this question. How can I find my purpose in life? I have a daughter almost 2 years old. A girlfriend 6 years already.. I have panic attacks since 10 years now and can't leave my city. I'm addicted to benzos.. I have a family that helps and cares but it's hard to say but since my dad died 16 years ago sense in life slowly went away. It's hard to get up and do something about it because I see no sense in it. Sorry for my daughter, she'll hate me for saying this but I don't know what else to say.. Your course on udemy, could it help me?find sense in life again? I'm not suicidal at all its just I have no interest in doing anything at all.. Thank you for reading and taking your time ❤️🙏

[@eminemilly]

@@joeker50 seek help please benzos are no joke. Process your past and face your poison(auto corrected pain but that works) do one thing at a time. Help yourself first you deserve it and your daughter and everything will follow. You can do this take care

[@joeker50]

@@eminemilly I already detoxed from it but my anxiety level was way to high. I couldn't Funktion at all and they let me go because I was done.. I seen no other option but to take the benzos again to get home and eat and live.. But like I said, sense in life is slowly going down the drain.. No other medication I tried helped against my anxiety. 16 hours straight, my puls was 120-170..until I took a Tablett and hour later I was OK.. My body can't relax am it's own anymore.. I guess I'm lost

[@sheri023]

@@joeker50 you could ask your doctor for beta blockers if your blood pressure is not on the low side. They slow the pulse rate down.

[@lucasvalente6619]

As a sociologist, I can say most of our depression comes from social pressure such as economic and cultural like the need to be happy, perfect, rich and beautiful whereas in reality the vast majority of us are strugling just to make ends meet. To make things worst we internalize all these external demands and if we fail to respond to them we feel guilty and a failure in life. Thank you for the psychological aproach. Awesome video!

[@haenqbok]

I am crying right now. And i don't know if it's just a bad day or it's depresssion, your words hit me hard.

[@lucasvalente6619]

@@haenqbok hope you`re feeling better.

[@haenqbok]

@@lucasvalente6619 Thank you . I am not crying rt now :)

[@anyasilka2325]

Does NOT sound at all that you have suffered the the deep depths of long term severe depression, anxiety, fear, despair, hopelessness, catastrophic thoughts, A.N.T.S, etc x 100......All this garbage the lady is talking about DOES NOT WORK FOR SEVERITY!!!! I have seen it!!! Please talk to someone who TRULY suffers and where it comes from way back!!!!

[@rick3747]

No. Bipolar Disorder is an organic disease/physical disabilty. Depression and anxiety for many is beyond feeling blue, feeling fearful or chemical imbalance. It is real structural changes in the brain.

[@lauriedonnelly7134]

This was so eye opening. I am a trauma survivor and just realized how much I live in avoidance

[@sharonr5605]

I am the queen of avoidance. So good at it that I was giving myself a stomach ulcer, shoving the emotions down, down, down.

[@dotdashdotdash]

I hate avoidance, but it's really hard to change to stop avoiding things.

[@jellybelly111]

it's hard to change but take it a step at a time.

[@shyaaammeneen63]

@@dotdashdotdash Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath and body sensations for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more transformation enter the following on google search and listen with headphones before sleep and if possible in the morning-52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.

[@elizabethwilk9615]

Avoiding us hard when you suffer from panic attacks and phobias

[@paulhedron2707]

I have had depression and anxiety for a long time and I could never understand how they are related until now. I just had a light bulb moment. Thanks for that explanation. Wow.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Awesome :) there are more ways, including serotonin and other things, but this is one way

[@ryanpledger9333]

paul hedron I’m curious...what was your light bulb moment?

[@paulhedron2707]

@@ryanpledger9333 I got into a cycle of avoiding anything that did not feel good and just like she describes int the video the more I tried to avoid bad feelings the less I was able to feel good feelings and this demonstration made this glaringly obvious to me. That is when the light came on and knowing this has made all the difference.

[@ryanpledger9333]

paul hedron what did you do to change that?

[@jaaaa519]

@@ryanpledger9333 You have to get in the "arena and dare greatly". I wouldnt have put it that way myself but that's the gist. For me I've dealt with emitophobia (fear of getting sick) for a good portion of my life. I learned this lesson on my own luckily, otherwise I'd be a hermit in the woods. To overcome your fears you have to face them. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. It took constant work, every time I was afraid I did that thing anyways because I knew that just had to or I'd make things harder and harder on myself. That metaphor is interesting, as I avoided doing things that gave me anxiety my world got smaller and smaller. The things I was willing to do became less and less. But I realized that I couldn't live like that. It was basically climbing Mt Everest for me. But I did it. It's been work for over 15 years but the last five I've hardly had any anxiety. You just get used to being in the "arena".

[@julie-joyvoss5774]

You are a FREAKING genius. What a gift from God finding you on KZbin today. Thank you so much for doing what you’re doing.

[@terimurphy4009]

This is eye opening. I don't feel joy, I used to, then I lost my parents and found out my husband cheated before our marriage and my joy just left. I no longer want to live because death is inevitable so why bother being happy. All of this self protection against hurt... This is eye opening. I want to feel joy again

[@phylliswardwell7479]

Teri I know how you feel. I too plead for God to please take home with him. I have gone through episodes of anxiety and depression since I was 17 years old. It started with a panic attack and then the anxiety depression. I don't know if this anything like you are going througj. I imagine we all different but are the same. Just know that there is some some one is praying for. God bless you.

[@terimurphy4009]

@@phylliswardwell7479 thank you xx

[@myspiritanimaliscat2609]

@@phylliswardwell7479 dear let's pray for each other's mental well being...i feel like i am just lost in my own mind.. ...feeling anxious and overanalyzing every negative aspect of it...i also had a panic attack once after which things turned differently....hope we all get better and feel better soon.....♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@boutdatstrenuouslife9747]

Im sorry, I hope you get your joy back.

[@shyaaammeneen63]

@@phylliswardwell7479 Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath and body sensations for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more transformation enter the following on google search and listen with headphones before sleep and if possible in the morning-52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.

[@IdaBrun]

Reminds me of a quote by Jonathan Safran Foer : “ You cannot protect yourself from sadness, without protecting yourself from happiness”

[@airamae8083]

This is so true! When I was depressed throughout high school, I did not develop many meaningful relationships because I was trying to numb out pain from past relationship/friendship experiences and did not want to feel the same negative feelings with any new relationships/friendships. When senior year came around and everyone was graduating, I ended up feeling even worse because everyone was bonding even closer with each other, reminiscing on their high school memories, wishing their friends the best of luck in the future, and showing so much love and support to one another but I did not allow myself to receive the love and joy coming from relationships/friendships due to avoidance (trying to numb out pain). Now I realize I could've done so much more in high school, even if I had to get my feelings hurt once in a while. Just a personal story that relates to this video. Hope some people could learn from this as well! :)

[@deela262]

Thank you for sharing

[@linneaorourke5970]

Your not alone in your story.... I did pretty much what you did and I regret not trying harder in highschool

[@lv9265]

I relate to this. I'm in uni and isolating. I'm just exhausted from relationships, friendships and emotional rollercoasters.

[@bobbob-dt2bg]

Friend of mine just put together a kindle book called 'how watching KZbin cured my depression and anxiety and changed my life' I'd thoroughly recommend it

[@jeffersonfishel5758]

Psychedelics healed me of my ADHD and depression thanks to psilopeak on Instagram he's got all psychedelic and shrooms and delivers discreetly he will change your life like he did mine

[@laurzee]

That is awesome! I love it!! So many great therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists here on KZbin!

[@sohvidarity]

God. This hit me so hard, this is literally me. I'm INCREDIBLE at avoiding stuff. Thank you for posting this, after watching I feel like I'm at the precipice of feeling so much better. Now all I have to do is leap in and start trying, if only it wasn't as scary!

[@danbone]

How is it going so far?

[@b1gb0zz21]

Same😟

[@sohvidarity]

@@danbone so for everyone who's been wondering, between when I first wrote my comment and now, I have been diagnosed with ADHD. I'm doing much better now lol

[@jasonjackson3114]

This video deserves a marching band fanfare thing with falling confetti and so on. Top of the list.

[@andreas4268]

Emma, I truly appreciate the way you explain things in plain English and you are going to reach many people because of this! Thank you!

[@Lightworkers.]

I have had severe depression, ptsd, symptoms include agrophobia, hypervigilence, fear of men, memory loss, I flip between sleeping 16 hours a day to being awake for 3 days in a row. I have had therapy so so much, behaviour experts but it doesn't get better. My body primal responses I cannot control even when I tell myself I am safe. I havent left the house unaccompanied for 10 years. They told me there is nothing they can do. Fab!

[@la7dfa]

This video is presented by someone who dont struggle with depression etc. So its EASY to hand out good rational advices, like we see on Dr Phil. PTSD and depression solved in 10 minutes... If you try some severe depression and frequent panic attacks then your view will definately change. Some just have to do baby steps to cope within their limit. Having positive outcomes is the key to getting better, even if they are very small.

[@Nate-ud2yt]

Mar 5:26 NLT - 26 She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. Psa 143:7 NLT - 7 Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. Psa 32:3-5 NLT - 3 When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. 4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Interlude ............5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the LORD." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

[@DavidDuke-gran_dragon]

Life (well mine anyway) experiences made me this way. Some of us wasn't born into this, but society and/or victim of circumstance through time causes these symptoms to appear.

[@jajdude]

During this video I thought of the animated movie "Inside Out" and how important the role of Sadness was.

[@zoobax3683]

Me too

[@sizwe_welcome]

You just blew my mind away with this video. Keep them coming. Thanks a million

[@JacquesElliottlive]

This was super helpful and very resonant. As a lifelong creative who has often struggled with self sabotage/procrastionation/depression this really broke things down in a super clear way. THANK YOU!

[@stoofypoof7998]

I struggle with both and rely on music as therapy. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqOQo2traq6Lpbs

[@梨-i5l]

This makes so much sense. When I met my partner several years ago, I felt like I woke up almost and i was in more pain than before I met him, which was odd. Turns out by this analogy i was just opening up my emotional spectrum.

[@SamoSjena]

This is exactly what is happening to me right now. I even started questioning my feelings for him, I felt like a fraud, I love to cuddle with him yet I still have these intrusive thoughts of what if thats no love and I am just using him for amusement. Funny thing that all started as I started having deeper feelings to him, literally as you said, I was in more pain and depression and ruminating about all the things Ive done wrong to myself and to him at the beginning of the relationship, so I almost started sabotaging it by having the urge to tell him and actually telling him everything. He happens to be very bright and stable and was very understanding. But this made me dig even deeper and now I'm in therapy and unable to explain this overwhelming pain and grief and shame... all while losing all the positive emotions or feeling as if I don`t deserve them if I on rare occasion do experience some. Boah sorry for the long comment :D

[@monstersince]

fight or flight can become embedded in the psyche under prolonged periods of stress. if the mind doest recover from shock fast enough it is an imprinted reaction to further real or imagined threats PTSD is a natural function disfunctioning. as @Taureanswarrior counsellor said you have to feel pain to feel love, disappointment to enjoy success. when it becomes engrained under unnatural pressures all you want to feel is numb.

[@EvelynIrwin]

When you’re anxious your mind is over stimulated and when you’re depressed your mind is under stimulated 🧠

[@Србомбоница86]

Depression is almost ALWAYS caused by YEARS of untreated or wrongly treated anxiety

[@stoofypoof7998]

I struggle with both. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqOQo2traq6Lpbs

[@Al-Hunt-acrylic-painter]

So what's the answer?

[@MindVersusMisery]

@@Al-Hunt-acrylic-painter One answer is to learn willingness to feelings or situations in general. Much of depression and anxiety - as this video states - comes from a tendency to try to avoid what is scary, difficult or painful. Instead of avoiding we ought to change our relationship to the challenging aspects of life and see the potential for growth and personal development that comes as a result of taking on the full range of life experiences. What I've done personally is to try and figure out, through deep reflection, what is meaningful in my own life, and then reflect on what barriers might be in the way of what is meaningful, and then taking on these barriers one at a time. This is the opposite of avoidance. If you do that, and continue to work on it, you will probably find that life becomes more exciting, even amidst periods of turmoil. By the way, excitement and fear are very closely related. So try to change your narrative about the "fears" and "problems" to "excitement" and "challenges". Changing the narrative, is to change the attitude, and changing the attitude is the way to a more meaningful, healthy, loving and joyous life. For example Problem focused avoidance narrative: "I work a job that I hate and I really need to find another job but I will never do it because the work interview scares the hell out of me." Solution focused willingness narrative: "In order for my life to be more meaningful I want to aim at a different career, and the work interview surely will be an exciting challenge."

[@nataliaduquew]

That’s a gross oversimplification

[@jessenoelle262]

This makes so much sense! There were so many times in the past when I felt such chronic depression and hopelessness. And it WAS hard to remember the people and experiences in my life that gave me love and joy. After a while, I began to fear that I would NEVER be able to feel joy or hope or happiness again, because I'd spent so much time feeling lonely and sad, day after day, and it never seemed to let up. Even avoiding, the uncomfortable feelings were always right there in my periphery- I could deaden their intensity (for a little while), but could never truly escape them. Now I understand WHY those fears were so visceral. The truth wasn't that I would never experience anything that would give me a pleasant feeling ever again, but that I, in my avoidance and unwillingness, actually cut off the capacity I had to experience pleasant feelings! What an eye opener! In recovery, I learned that this was a kind of survival mechanism growing up, but is a maladaptive coping skill in adulthood. I really want to learn to make space for the anxiety I feel so strongly around actually reaching out and connecting w/ others (I guess esp. in terms of initiating contact). And thanks to your videos, I have hope in the neuralplasticity of human brains! 💕

[@cheriesimon9480]

I just found this because I am feeling defeated by depression. I have felt like I am drowning and not getting any air for over a year. People ask me all the time tell me what makes you happy and I always laugh and say I can't remember. I have been in therapy for over a year my dr made me change because he didn't think I was getting help. But I feel like this therapist is just a person that checks to see if I am still alive and goes about her buisness. I literally started crying when you said that about not knowing what makes you happy. I have never heard of avoidance. Thank you ❤

[@oliviajones5114]

Hi, try microdosing. I’ve microdosed mushrooms for about 3 years now and i have been worrying less. I’d recommend it for anyone, look up psilo_shrooms on Instagram.Their product helped me fight anxiety and depression. You can thank me later...

[@landy010607]

I have to deal with anxiety and depression daily and for the first time you've given me some hope and understanding on how to take control of my emotions that I find hard to take control. Thank you.

[@mythicalmelodies276]

I have NEVER seen it explained like this. I am literally sobbing. When you said "You may not want to feel love, because it hurts" and I am trying so hard not to sabotage my relationship with my partner. I am so relieved.

[@kassie5779]

Wow, the end of the video hit me pretty hard, I would definitely like to find my way back to being vulnerable again.

[@TheProjectGamingDVolker]

You just changed my whole outlook for life, with just a little demonstration! I can't thank you enough! Thank you! thank you!

[@sandeep2435]

What a explanation.I haven't found anyone on the internet explaining anxiety in this unique way.This is a complete new explanation , amazing research done madam.This explanation really makes sense.I have seen people who have encountered many hardship through out the life , doesnot feel anxiety when something Unusual and uncomfortable incident occur in their life because they are habituated to encountering bad emotion.

[@BipolarBowler]

Stop playing hard to get. Love is always reaching out for you.

[@LZ2SM]

I'm so depressed,that I don't even want to whatch videos about depression...

[@bigupyuself]

That's depression, that's how it works.

[@puffymuffin9064]

I still listen

[@oliviajones5114]

Hi, try microdosing. I’ve microdosed mushrooms for about 3 years now and i have been worrying less. I’d recommend it for anyone, look up psilo_shrooms on Instagram.Their product helped me fight anxiety and depression. You can thank me later...

[@stevegrew6758]

This sums up my life… avoiding creates misery from pain. It affects every aspect of life. The saddest thing is losing the love of your life because of the this. :(

[@nicolenails6577]

I find myself here because I’m trying to understand if I’m crazy ...I feel crazy ...how do you not feel crazy when you would rather be gone?! Or when anxiety makes you want to drop a boulder on your head to stop the intrusive thoughts

[@missladybug319]

Your definatly not crazy... Your human.. Crazy is when youve gone crazy and dont even know it... Talk to someone its the best thing to do for yourself... 🙏

[@davepelvin130]

Nicole, I am wrestling with the same feelings.... I feel like I must be crazy because I can’t find a way to be happy.... I don’t believe I’m crazy but I’m so frustrated about not being able to feel good....

[@nicolenails6577]

@@davepelvin130 I know how you feel ...and I’m sorry because I know how much it sucks...my prayers are with you

[@senorwoofers3253]

You are not alone I am dealing with intrusive thoughts as well and decided to find a counselor but I haven’t talked about it enough so I feel like I haven’t gone anywhere and I’m only falling deeper and deeper into this terrible rabbit hole, but I know that everything will be okay . You are okay, your not crazy , let the thoughts pass and try not to fight them bc it makes them worse. Sit when the thought occurs and let it pass and continue what you were doing before they came. Lately I’ve been telling myself, “thoughts are just thoughts, they do not define me.” Even though it feels like it does , they do not ❤️

[@missladybug319]

Guys... I have discovered a book called OVERCOMING DEPRESSION by Paul Gilbert and Dr James Le Fanu... Its a self help guid to using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Technoques... I have literally read the first chapter which explains what Depression is and i woke up this morning feeling sooo much better.. I believe it helps to understand what and why you feel depressed... Give it a go nothing to loose... 🙏🙏

[@vivtzka]

Wow, I've been so focused on trying to stop avoiding my negative emotions that I've been feeling even worse than when I just avoided. You just made me realize that I wasn't giving myself space for joy and fun and how crucial those are to help me stop avoiding instead of focusing on what's difficult all the time. I kind of figured that I must be avoiding my feelings because even after giving them space, they don't ease up and I still feel terrible all them time. I think I might have gone the other direction too hard. From full avoidance to full focus on the negative feelings which wasn't leaving room for joy in my life either. Thank you!

[@Beny123]

I am blown away with the delivery of this concept .

[@constanzainzunza9505]

This is the first time I feel understood. Thank you!

[@CatLadyKorea]

You were reluctant in labeling emotions, positive and negative, because even 'negative' emotions serve some purposes and are worth looking into! So true!! How about using comfortable and uncomfortable feelings??

[@lilyanalilyana3161]

I think u are the best therapist in the world u deserve 100000 stars

[@gracekennelly8534]

I’ve fought thru serious depression my whole life! Along with c-ptsd, fibro, arthritis, much more.. I’m in bed most of the day. Then suddenly 3 yeas ago, my husband died. Trying to move forward....

[@yevettemadonna]

I'm so sorry about your loss Shrooms, you see, are not just a bit of psychedelic fun, they can actually cure depression.Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and mental health issues in general are notoriously hard to treat, so why not try psychedelics and see if they worked?...they can help you fast Try some from my dealer instagram.com/p/CFTp7avp_7AMgXYSlik0RwJ_DIvaIWZBV99nkk0/?igshid=1t979av248ipt

[@716bikelife5]

Sorry about your lost I know the feel your not alone keep going forward you can find a way to be happy again trust

[@Michelle-ct6fg]

You are such a blessing to all of us! Thank you so much for providing this resource, taking time out of your busy schedule to create these videos and bringing true coping skills and "therapy" to those who may not be able to afford it. We are incredibly grateful to you.

[@TeacherTherapy]

Wow, you just described my life! I have never heard anyone say this before! Thanks so much!!!

[@anadmirer8789]

“We create misery by trying to run from the pain.” Ain’t that the truth!

[@Vintagebeliever]

Thank you for this .... I have had a life change, two years in the making. And my anxiety goes through the roof. Especially when I have to communicate with a certain someone in my life. I despise the way it has taken over my life. I feel weak. I have a great God, who I rely on strongly. I am going to take to heart what you have said. I want to be whole again :)

[@bekahhh8565]

how do u feel after 2 yrs?

[@foxc8646]

I really did not realise how much I was avoiding by using my phone watching tons of videos and gaming. I have closed off so many emotions and parts of myself and even recognising that fact gives me a bad headache like a tension headache but I know this will pass and I can talk to my therapist about this and other things. I’m glad I saw this and your other videos

[@frankgiansante]

The analogy using the piece of paper was amazing! It has opened my eyes to what I have been doing when I avoid. I going to use the paper example when I want to avoid life. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve subscribed.

[@flookie6283]

I learned this on my own by the age of like 16. I remember explaining to my friend on a road trip how the capacity to feel bad is the capacity to feel good.

[@That_One_Guy-.]

I am glad I found this channel, it really helps me to watch these videos. Thanks :)

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Thanks :) hope it helps :)

[@boni1982]

Dear doctor whom I didn't remember name - your voice is so calming and your advice among the best ones I have come across.

[@dachater1]

So insightful. I would love to have you as a therapist- so much calm and insight.

[@dawnbrooks1309]

Me too, my life would be so much richer / authentic!

[@knackforknickers]

Your videos help me a lot - I'm 27 and have been on a 2-ish year journey trying to find myself and my joy again. It's only in the last few weeks that I've begun really seeing myself again, and getting hints at what joy feels like. This video was exactly what I needed at this point in time - thank you for what you're doing. I hope to have a positive effect on people just like you have had a positive impact on me.

[@karinab4478]

Wow, I feel like you made that video just for me to be watched today, when I feel I need it most! I felt like your client was my alter-ego (I even have a social work background!)- it resonated with me to the core. Ha, Brene Brown- thought of her when you were talking about numbing emotions, so it was great to then see that you've drawn from her work (I'm obsessed with her work too!). I'm extremely grateful for your channel and the work that you've been doing- thank you :)

[@williamcasto7455]

I remember what made me happy. I just don't know how to get back there. I just don't seem to want it as bad as I used to 🥺

[@mariacamilaramirez7930]

No one ever has ever experienced whet I feel I am popular but I don’t really have friends I don’t hang out but when I’m at school we’re all super close, but I don’t text people or hang out because I’m depressed and my anxiety doesn’t let me it changed me so much I used to not cared about anything and was happy but now I’m not like that I act happy at school then at home everything is worst and at night I just cry since I see all the people that are happy but I’m not, like if you ask anyone to say their best friend no body would say me because I don’t act like a best friend, I don’t text people, I’m just there to help others but not myself, and to make funny jokes sometimes and make people happy. Sometimes it makes me a little happy seeing that I can make others happy but I’m still lonely, I’m still depressed and have a shit ton of problems from my childhood and problems from now, like I almost attempted suicide but like just so my parents could see, and care about me. My story is LONG but idk I kinda wanted to tell someone how I felt so if you read this leave a like or comment if you have ever felt something kinda like this,

[@salimmohammed7761]

This hit the nail on the head . It also hit this male on the head. You have accurately and succinctly described what happened to me. I feel bereft of joy , disconnected, with things to do and no idea what to do. It's like a dreary dream , with each day , week , month , year the same , just like in the movie Groundhog Day. I vaguely remember another guy who was revved up , gung ho . I guess the trauma and failure i experienced in relationship and business made me switch off. Thanks for this, it's really eye opening.

[@rhythmandblues_alibi]

What you said about finding it easier to talk about the awful bad things that have happened rather than our hopes and dreams.. that is mindblowing to me. It's so so true for me.

[@AndrewTonneman]

Go on with the good work. It's a blessing - love!

[@rosiebarrack6904]

What an amazing visual way to understand how avoidance leads to more depression and that that connection goes even deeper than just avoidance leading to greater anxiety!

[@fernanne08]

Thank you so much for the demo with sheet, I've been in therapy for over a decade and have been told about these themes over and over and this is the first time the concept of avoidance limiting emotional range sank in for me. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏

[@kimreid1781]

Oh my gosh. You just addressed what I'm struggling with right now. It impacts my whole life

[@ambersgrace1]

Wow, I never thought about it this way, but hearing it I know it’s true! Thank you for what you do.

[@shumeister1059]

Btw, I find your voice really comforting. Thank you sharing your expertise! The world needs so much therapy.

[@thegreatmaguman4324]

Wow yes, so true! I actually realised this myself a few years ago and beat depression and anxiety! I also thank a plant called Kratom which literally saved my life. Much Love to all you beautiful people!

[@ethanmarroquin6003]

Waw good to hear

[@shellyhenry2767]

How did u beat it😢

[@stoofypoof7998]

That's awesome! I struggle with both and rely on music as therapy. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqOQo2traq6Lpbs

[@90sDBestEra]

Every word the doc utters rings a bell about my situation right now, which seems exacerbated by the lockdown, isolation and work from home situation caused by Covid. I never for once suspected it could be depression, but really thanks for this eye-opening video.

[@crystalblu22]

Bless you! That was one of the best videos I've ever watched! You are an amazing therapist and communicator. Thank you so much!💖🙏

[@petebergren2402]

Such a GREAT analogy and I can totally relate! Sorry this comment is coming 2 years later, but I am a new subscriber, so I am kind of behind on your videos. What hit me about your client's story is that you helped him find what caused him to shut down or start avoiding in the first place. That moment when he started working on the project and the guy took over didn't pay attention to him anymore and he felt hurt. So that was what made him start avoiding. So, if he started to forgive the guy, then his capacity for joy and everything else would grow again. That story really related to me and I need to start letting myself grow in my capacity for joy. THANK YOU!

[@Goingby20s]

I think its a very important point you make about avoiding negative emotions, which is not talked about enough. I've learned this through the meditation concept of clinging and aversion. Also by rejecting the negative emotions, we're telling ourselves we cant deal with them.

[@jeffmuller1489]

"because I got hurt, I stopped caring" wow. This is so helpful .. thank you! I used to be so creative and happy, then I got hurt really badly so I stopped caring and feeling like nothing I did was worth anything. I need healing.

[@jumana9999]

I love the analogy you provide so much. I want to believe it’s true, but unfortunately with avoiding stress comes benefits. Let’s say you have IBS or reflux. Let’s say you have some sort of a heart problem. Regardless of how anxiety manifests itself in our bodies, it’s healthy to forget and to pause for a while. That gives our body sometime to heal. Now the trick is to find the right balance of avoidance and challenge. I strongly believe that experience and aging make us choose our battles and those we want to avoid. We just need to accept that we must miss out in order for our body to rest. It’s sad we can’t reach our “full potential” just because of our depression and anxiety. But it’s part of who we are, and we need to live with it peacefully. Or at least that’s my goal in life.

[@katejones2172]

I totally agree with you as a long term sufferer you have to make ur choices that are right for you

[@fearlessdonicia6948]

Avoidance is my coping mechanism, and it's affecting my productivity at work. I have to endure a lot of discomfort with my job (it requires a lot of focus and good time management), and I just seem to lack the capacity to endure things that cause me discomfort. When it gets to hard, I just give up and do something more satisfying. I need to stop this. Hope I can get some well needed help.

[@moganpalm9387]

For your psilocybin products 🍄 👇👇.

[@moganpalm9387]

Willi_capps

[@moganpalm9387]

ON I.Ģ

[@SPSEMI2024]

I suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time. 😞😥

[@zeyan9580]

Diane 1111 Me 2oo😥😥

[@stoofypoof7998]

I struggle with both as well. I rely on music as therapy. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqOQo2traq6Lpbs

[@716bikelife5]

Hope all is well 👏🏼👏🏼

[@thezzach]

9:54 When i shut down my ability to be hurt, i shut down my ability to feel joy. damn. i outsmarted myself.

[@oliver_siegel]

Is neurosis a form of anxiety? I tend to look for solutions to my emotional problems. Robust coping strategies. My neurotic striving for the ideal solution now has me wondering if that's a form of avoidance 😅 it could certainly seem as if I'm trying to "control" feelings with rational thought frameworks.

[@martinvansanten4417]

Interesting... This resonates with me so much.

[@jacobfreese1810]

Same thing here. I haven’t figured out exactly what it is that I’m avoiding. I deeply struggle to find joy.

[@charici]

Damn, I do this too. Whenever I start getting anxious or depressed I start educating myself on the matter. Knowing what is happening to me gives me a sense of relief. But it could also be a way of wanting to control things. I do feel like my ratio and feelings are not aligned.

[@VictoriaGC-gl3fx]

Am trying to take this in without getting anxious about being anxious. I need help accessing what is good about me and what brings me joy. I will try to make a list, but help would be appreciated. I second all the praise in these comments and add that, Emma, you feel so trustworthy. Thank you

[@rajivkrishnatr]

This is amazing! What an insight! I'm going to open up myself more to all range of emotions.

[@49HEALTH]

I understand it now. When we feel sadness or disappointment, the next time we feel happiness it is even greater because we recently felt pain and we’re excited about feeling happy instead of feeling pain.

[@oldcrone]

Now that I am retired I no longer care about work. I just veg out watching tv. Its wonderful.

[@tedbates1236]

I think it is in Proverbs 25 that reads, "Anxiety in the heart weighs a man down but a good word makes him glad."

[@Wolf21973]

I've been depressed since I was 13...I'll be 29 in a couple weeks. Lately it has gotten worse. I find myself feeling panicky and this rush comes over me. I wake up in night sweats with my heart beating fast. I guess it is from feeling so anxious and worried about everything. I've been through multiple doctors, anti depressants and I'm on Suboxone for opioid addiction (though I think the long term effects of that medication are causing problems now). Anyways, this video has been eye opening.

[@tommyheadlocke7818]

Scrub Doge Have you tried any type of meditation practices? Good luck btw bro I heard the other day that 82 is the ‘happiest age’, so wait around till then things might just get better 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@healthyone100]

i've been depressed since october i can't get rid of it its frustrating i'm doing everything i can to help myself!

[@stoofypoof7998]

I struggle with both. Hang in there! kzbin.info/www/bejne/jqOQo2traq6Lpbs

[@kaciskileslaws1489]

I love how straight-forward and helpful your videos are. It makes conditions like depression/anxiety less insurmountable, like here's the problem and here are viable solutions, you're not "broken" you're just needing to do things differently and recognize when your avoidance is getting in your way. It's such a huge step to healing. Thank you!

[@drgoodspd6382]

So much pain. I can't stop crying. Nothing helps.

[@obibuaku]

How are you feeling now? So sorry for your pain

[@drgoodspd6382]

@@obibuaku Still cry everyday. Nothing helps. Not even time. No human should have to feel like this.

[@obibuaku]

@@drgoodspd6382 that's dreadful honey. Pls ask the doctor for something 😔

[@drgoodspd6382]

@@obibuaku Yes ma'am. Trying to make an appointment for a psychiatrist now. I need help.

[@obibuaku]

@@drgoodspd6382 good stuff 🤗🤗 i'll be rooting for you. I mean that honestly!!!

[@laurencesprangers9345]

Just listening is already so comforting, thank you.

[@claudialu]

Hi! Can you do a video about neurotransmitters and the menstrual cycle? Hope you consider it.

[@ms.q7445]

C D I feel you!

[@my1creation]

Yes. Please and thank you.

[@brianleblancart736]

It never occurred to me to write about things I enjoy and care about. It's always complaining and what's wrong with me and what I need to fix. This is brilliant.

[@dennislange5210]

A few months after one of my closest friends died, I had my first hyperventilation/panic attack which became a panic disorder. Eventhough I got 'rid' of the panic attacks rather quickly, I'm stuck with chronic hyperventilation (which makes me panicky sometimes). After watching this video, would it be possible that the chronic hyperventilation is here and will remain here, because I've not been dealing with the emotions surrounding the event and even previous events? I can't remember having allowed sadness for atleast the past 10 years, although there have been plenty reasons to feel sad.

[@T0iletTr00per]

I had problem with chronic hyperventilation too for about 2 months after a traumatic event. When it stopped for me, i started getting waves of anxiety and depression. I´ve had these waves of negative feelings for about 3 months

[@brucesquad4155]

Same here. My panic disorder is always feeling short of breathe and chest pains. Hyperventilating my mom says I don’t even notice that I’m doing it. Also chest breathing versus breathing from the diaphragm. I hate it but I’m in therapy now so it has helped a bit. I had 4 amazing great days in a row but this entire week has been hell. I even bought a pulse ox to monitor my oxygen levels and I’m at 100 or 99 percent so I know I can breathe. It’s the ocd in me. Hang in there we will get through this and you aren’t alone! Hugs and love

[@bl3524]

I had cronic hyperventilation for years (sometimes for a few months it would relax, but other times it would almost be 24h for like 6 months straight). I am a LOT better after i started taking care of myself to reduce the general anxiety and depression, did therapy and my therapist taught me to experience emotions too. Deep breathing (breathing with the belly) exercises help too.

[@veronicaperez3555]

I am loving all the comments and am learning so much not only from you but from this amazing community. Thank you!! ❤️🙏🏽

[@adampowell5376]

I am severely traumatised and I am losing hope in life.

[@manarabdullah3223]

Hey Adam, hope you're doing better now! How are you coping with your trauma?

[@adampowell5376]

@@manarabdullah3223 Thank you for asking. I have periodic depression. I stayed in bed until 10 am but I feel now that I have eaten and now that I have done some Dutch.

[@adventuresbystanleydickins8947]

Watching this video helped me massively I was at rock bottom I started my youtube channel vlog my life bouncing back from gambling addiction and obesity thank you for the help much love 😍

[@secretloa1826]

You are the best!

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

:) you're too kind haha

[@playalot86]

You are the best educated professional I have ever seen on KZbin.

[@evanquail207]

'When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you' Nietzsche

[@bonnielee7134]

Yes. When I first experienced severe depression, I shut down to everything. I would not feel at all. Zero. Then I read a book ( it might have been, the feel good book ) That examined some irrational thinking, take for instance saying to yourself, I can't take it anymore. Well you are taking it. Five minutes just past by and you're still taking it. So it taught you how to think about things differently. It also said that when you are at a function that is meant for your entertainment, then be there in that moment and enjoy it to the full. It is there for you to have so have that experience. So that taught me that I could have some joy and fun despite my depression. Another thing they say about anxiety is to solve the problem causing it as soon as possible. Going for walks is good for anxiety. Some people do not have control in their lives. It's a fact. I have chronic pain. One half of my body is bigger than the other, low i.q. I can't do brainy work, depression that causes fatigue. Insomnia that puts my sleeping all over the place. Right now I am doing the avoidance thing which IS GOOD! But at night when I'm relaxed and the brain going off to sleep, I wake up in anxiety. Or the anxiety keeps me from sleeping. I say to myself, I have to be up for work ( I'm not working now, I want to but I know my job choices are limited ). And I say to myself, All I am doing is just surviving and working on my disabilities with no good results after 27 years. I should just kill myself and get a new body, get one that works. Which is irrational thinking. One big problem is not having any love in your life. I had a psychopathic mom, narcissist/psychopathic dad and brother and covert narcissistic sister who bullied me for 48 years. Yes sir that had a big huge mind fuck on me as you know if you've dealt with this disorder. So I don't trust people and I don't have family (I went no contact with sister two years ago). My few friends were kind of psychopathic. We were separated. I quit hanging out with friends when the back pain started. I couldn't hang out with them and do things. Too painful. It might also be that my narc sister gave me the idea but having me think that it was my own, as they love to isolate you and have you all to themselves. I don't have that sense of family. My daughter is slightly psychopathic and married a narc/psycho who 100% controls her and he will not let her see me. He and I got into a fight ( he lied and I called him on it ) My daughter said, call him and fix it then I can talk to you. I called him and he hung up the phone on me. I heard through my sister, way back then, that he is terrified of his wife, my daughter, up and leaving him just as coldly as she did her mother. In other words, if you can do that to your own mother then holy crap! Lucky for me I understand this disorder. But still there is no family presence. I don't have that connection. Life is so boring that not having family makes it not worth living. And that's the truth. I think of just meeting a man and dating and being around his family, get to know them but I have this feeling that that is not possible. I don't trust men anymore and I doubt that people easily embrace new people. They're too busy in life. Oh so pets would be good. But I can't do that right now as I'm putting my time into me. I don't want to spend money on a pet. I'm hoping that "therapy in a nutshell" will read my paper. If I could afford a shrink, she would tell me to not listen to the world accuse me of being a lazy low life not good enough for the air that I breath because I don't work. I know that's what they would train me to do. I could feel worth it if I was somebody's wife, sister, mother, etc... but as you know I don't have that. I also felt deserving to live when I was going to college working on my goals but that dream crashed too which brought on the severe anxiety and sleep disorder. I kept thinking that if I could finally work, and be self sufficient, I could finally be allowed to live. Anyway. We'll see what happens. I have just a couple of more things I want to try.

[@Србомбоница86]

Are they all diagnosed narcissists?? ,it's a very rare disorder .It's weird that everyone except you has it ,I mean you are a family after all, genetically you should be similar

[@fdr3893]

Then Jesus Christ said : “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11 : 28

[@abh0029]

Watching your videos somehow reduce anxiety.

[@rivaldofernandes8492]

Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression. Book of Proverbs

[@Fernando-bb9he]

I have been experiencing depression and anxiety for many years and this was very insightful on my condition and thoughts. Thank you !!

[@oliviajones5114]

Hi, try microdosing. I’ve microdosed mushrooms for about 3 years now and i have been worrying less. I’d recommend it for anyone, look up psilo_shrooms on Instagram.Their product helped me fight anxiety and depression. You can thank me later...

[@UniversalPRR]

I have a question, so I have depression and anxiety but with that also came a weird state of mind. Like i just literally see the world differently and it’s easy for me to focus on something literally if I look at it. The vision is like when you drink coffee and your hyper. With my depression n anxiety also cane stomach problems like Bloating,random uncontrollable stomach noise, so much gas all the time (even if I don’t eat), and also trapped gas all the time. Can you please tell me what’s happening? Edit: I just turned 15 Incase age has to do with it

[@laurabrown9943]

Trigno- sorry to hear that you have this problem. It sounds like you need to see your GP. Hope you get the help that you need

[@UniversalPRR]

Laura Brown What’s a gp?

[@AwakenedOne]

Trigno just another term for Doctor... GP General Practitioner.

[@UniversalPRR]

Gerrard Allain Thanks

[@Србомбоница86]

That's maybe IBS ,it can be caused by stress ,but also IBS can cause anxious state of mind .You should try therapy, but also watch what you eat ,try a low fodmap diet ,read about IBS and see do your symptoms sound similar to that condition. I had IBS my whole life ,started as a teen also ,and it really does caused anxiety to me .

[@handycreationsfrompossible8080]

These two are connected, since those who know about your emotional attachment to whatever, uses your emotions to cause these. Many times these are done deliberately.

[@daveyt4802]

Avoiding situations I don't want in my life. This causes depression? UG Great info though. MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!