Why Autistic People are Often Targeted by "Mean" People

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

We are socially naive. That makes us vulnerable. Social predators seek easy prey. The most difficult challenges of being autistic are not a result of our autistic traits themselves. They are the result of other people's ignorance or malice towards them. This is why so many of us - including me - withdraw from society. It's not safe for us to be out in the world at large, surrounded by neurotypical people. Not safe at all. This is made much worse if you are autistic - and undiagnosed - like I was for 57 years. You keep trying to make friends and build a social circle, and mostly fail and end up alone, and can't figure out why. Then there's the non-stop sensory assault of most public and many private places, including places where you try to work. I was an architect and an architecture professor for many years, so I was always under fluorescent lights. For 25 years I struggled before finally collapsing emotionally, and entering a decade long shutdown I'm still recovering from. I'm 60 now, and will probably never work again. The bullying started in first grade. Violent bullying on the playground so bad I once had blood coming out of my ear after having my head smashed into playground equipment by another child. My teachers did nothing, ever, to stop this bullying. I was on my own. This sort of thing continued through grade school, middle school, and high-school until I dropped out at age 15 - the result of my first full autistic shutdown. What hell. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Autism isn't hell - Autism is awesome. No - As Jean-Paul Sartre put it in "No Exit". In the play, three characters, Garcin, Inez, and Estelle, find themselves trapped in a room together, all damned souls in hell. Garcin laments that the torment he suffers is not due to physical torture or punishment. It's the presence and judgments of the others that are unbearable. As he puts it: "Hell is other people..." Now I know I'm not bad, crazy, or broken. I'm autistic, and I'm proud. Proud that I was able to survive over 1/2 century without support. Amazed that I wasn't driven insane by it all. So thankful to find more and more people like you with the courage and energy to put up channels like this that help people like me feel less alone in hell....in a good way. If hell is (most) other people, perhaps heaven is autistic people... I sure think so now. =)

[@healingbygiusi]

thank you for this! and "Autism isn't hell.. Hell is other people..." yes! this world is cruel to people like us.. I fully agree with that. But we will slowly have our voices heard and slowly.. we will begin to be in places of leadership.. and revolutionize new ways of being. I am hopeful for a new tomorrow.. even though is seems so grim right now... Especially today.

[@gilessmedley619]

Exactly me too, over 70 years of it with severe OCD & PTSD. Thanks for your story and I wish you well, William.

[@pinkbenz8021]

Wow. this video was really eye opening for me. it helped me connect a lot of dots. im a 23 yo woman, and ive always been repelled by these dark energy people and i didn’t know why. I always tried to be kind, helpful, truthful, encouraging, uplifting and fun to be around (unless you give me a reason not to). i remember being in elementary school wondering why i couldn’t be a cheetah girl but they could. in middle school i was friends with the two most popular girls , I was not popular just friends with them, they weren’t mean girls, just popular. in highschool, people started to notice the difference in my style and i experienced bullying from all genders. it wss weird though because I was bullied by some, loved by others. Until about junior year I was very shy and quiet, when i realized what i was capable of I was unstoppable. A lot of people loved my authentic self (some still didnt ofc). I am now an adult enrolled in cosmetology school. I thought everything would be fun & beauty related (although ive heard the horror stories), but i never understood why a certain demographic of girls there just didnt… like me. I usually am very entertaining for people , not always intentional, it’s just my true self. I also show unbiased respect, support, love, and kindness to anyone. Thats why I couldn’t understand what made me so unlikeable by some. I thought it was my aesthetic, Im goth but not heavy @school at all. When I realized there was another alternative person, heavily tattoed that was treated kindly by everyone I was so confused. What did she do that I didnt?? Or what did I do that she wouldn’t?? I didn’t really understand it until watching your video. I did assume that they were just unhappy with theirselves, and to see me live a carefree, unbothered life full of self expression. This just solidified it for me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never did anything wrong. When I was so completely anxious and quiet I flew under the radar. Now that I can go on about the things that I like, making jokes, and lifting peoples spirits without feeling embarrassed, it makes others (that are not happy inside) jealous of me. It might be partially accredited to the way I look, but the main gripe is the fact that I am so genuinely me. No one can every take my personality, or feelings away. When I am in a good mood its like the sun is just shining down on me and I try to share it with everyone. When im in a bad mood I still treat people around me well. That is what they don’t like. That i share love and compassion without thinking im owed something, just as a common courtesy to the person next to me. When these people are hating their life, situation, and themselves so badly, they take that darkness and throw it at the closest beam of light. I so totally understand about darkness and lightness. Even though I present myself in dark clothes I am as happy and as personable as can be. They brighten themselves up as much as possible but their inside is totally rotten. Thank you so much for sharing this. It really changed my perspective on the way im treated by my classmates (even now as we are all adults)

[@healingbygiusi]

thank you for sharing that. and you're right... we don't share to manipulate others or receive something in return.. and they can't wrap their head around that. Pretty messed up.. but I'm glad we are discovering these things about ourselves now.. and finding each other. It will be needed moving forward.

[@pinkbenz8021]

@ im not formally diagnosed but i heavily believe i am also autistic. all of my friends are diagnosed autistic females and they agree. its hard trying to navigate in a sea of sharks but they dont phase me. i just push through ❤️ im glad you responded . have a good night :)

[@yogsothoth8389]

One year, 7th grade I think, I tried to fit in, in the hope that it would make the bullying stop. Newsflash: it didn’t. So I stopped trying to fit in. I didn’t want them to “pick me.” I just wanted them to stop bullying me. Most of the time I had to hide.

[@healingbygiusi]

I'm sorry : ((( *hugs* I know that feeling all too well unfortunately.

[@Laura8-pearl]

❤ you are beautiful inside and out and I agree it is telling on the other person when they don’t like someone who offers nothing but kindness and love.

[@healingbygiusi]

Awww this is such a sweet comment. Thank you so much. 🥹🫶🏻✨️ beautiful hearts can recognise the beauty in others. :)))

[@colleenmurtha2314]

The negative energy they give off becomes circular and when you don't give them your best (aka giving what they gave you - nothing), then the gaslighting begins where they - who always have more power "in the tribe" than you - triangulate others to make sure they see how "you" are the problem for not being nice to them. When I'm in a situation like that where the mean girls are actively playing their game, I feel unsafe, tense and am not my best self. My reaction to their behavior then becomes their explanation/justification of their behavior. It's exhausting and you can't win.

[@healingbygiusi]

This is a spot on description of what happens in these situations. I have found this to be the continued pattern in my workplace. Which is why I eventually quit after nearly 29 years. It wasn't going to change and the gaslighting and triangulation only increases over time. Oof..

[@serrafox275]

I loved this video and would love other videos like this! Similar to my experience

[@healingbygiusi]

Aww thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it. ❤️🙏🏻

[@harison548]

Sorry this happened. Sadly it feels familiar.

[@healingbygiusi]

Thank you. And I'm sorry this is familiar for you. :( *hugs *

[@rachaellee2629]

Very

[@rachaellee2629]

Unfortunatly even now..at 48 im targeted by....a sociopathic mean neighbor..to point that just last week she came over and demanded i sign my mom's car over to her.. To protect it from being stolen.😊 Didn't know if she was serious or seriously drunk and was just giving it a go to see if i could be freightened deathly jarred. I paused my fight or flight and saw thru the set up....but..to this day... She's still at it. Id rather not go to the Marshalls because they violated my rights the day mom died. They allowed her and my cousins new wife to steal Mom's pursekeys,our money her jewlry etc while they sent the 2 inside to get Mom's pain pills.. Having lied... The marshall told me HE was going in...smh ive beentortured by the sick possesed neighbor since

[@rachaellee2629]

She even tried to put me in prison. While i was in the dark , pushing that i hurt mom. I had no idea she was doing this. I still don't understand why i found momma on her floor. Cptsd... Betrayal trauma...yup

[@BirdKat5324]

I’ve been thinking about this recently and glad to hear your experience. This was my experience way back in the 60s (yes, I’m really Old 😂 and recently realized I am autistic). I have felt that I was always a target for ‘mean girls’ AND abusive men. And, yes, at school and at work. I’m glad that you pointed out the ‘kindness’ factor. I always have gotten a lot of feedback that I am “so nice!” Any way…thanks for your thoughts on this. Resonates with me. 😊 (Wishing you well in your new apartment/job/phone situation.).

[@healingbygiusi]

yes! mean girls and abusive men was the pattern with me also! I'm glad this resonated with you. Not glad that you went through that. And thank you for the well wishes for the job and apartment :)))

[@VictoriaJ555]

Thank you for the video, I recognise a lot of the things you talked about, mean people at school and work and even my own sister at times. Hope you had a great Halloween, and good luck with everything.

[@healingbygiusi]

I'm glad the video resonated. And thank you so much! :)))

[@VictoriaJ555]

@@healingbygiusi Thank you again for the video 🤗

[@PhoenixEvolution]

Happens in every job, every group, every tribe. Last one in, first one out. Ppl are really scared of authenticity (and ND) i would Def be your friend ☺️

[@healingbygiusi]

awww you're so sweet! : ))) and yes! it's always so mind blowing to me just how afraid of authenticity people are!

[@DreamYourselfAway79]

I'm so happy your channel popped into my feed today. I've also been avoiding energy vampires, bullies, and mean-spirited people my whole life (they drain me), so that naturally means I attract them like a moth to a flame. I don't wish harm on anyone (even the meanies), but that makes me a bigger target to insecure humans who want to 'test' my patience/boundaries (others comment on how 'warm' and 'friendly' I am).

[@healingbygiusi]

aww i'm so glad you're here! and yes! you're right.. we totally become a target for these energy vampire types! Learning how to discern and protect my energy has been important for me. Thanks for being here! : )))

[@Chris5685]

Yeah, pretty much all my life. I still have nightmares about it sometimes, and I'm a 30-something dude.

[@healingbygiusi]

:(( I'm sorry. Learning I'm autistic now has made me revisit all my experiences when I was younger.. and now realising how mean people were to me.. it's been very traumatic and upsetting. I'm sorry you went through that. I hope you can find some peace and supportive spaces.

[@TheRealTMar]

Perhaps the desire to be popular and manipulate others in order to get that status, may take a toxic degree of narcissism. In The Netherlands I don't think we have a culture of groups around a few very popular kids at schools, but their are groups which are more like subcultures (in my time we had skaters, alto's, 'gabbers'(kids who liked certain techno music), nerds and others). But narcissists want your attention and only feel satisfied if they get your attention and get to manipulate you. If you won't let them do that to you, they get angry. I've had one blow up to me in an epic way (it was through Facebook). I don't know her from school but from LARPing and she's about 10 years younger than me. There's this Japanese pop culture event I attend every year because it's fun and cosy. After one of these, she blew up at me because I had ignored her..... Yeah, sure, I had other people to see and she wasn't high on my list. And we did pass each other in a hallway once, but both on our way to something and I sure did wave back.... Later on in some cosplay group, somebody asked for ideas to cosplay that would look great with a baby bump as she was pregnant, this bitch just flat out said you shouldn't cosplay while pregnant! 😶 And this person was just looking for some fun ideas for a hallway cosplay.... I think she was banned from the cosplay group very quickly after that bitchy remark. You know, if people just aren't interesting to you, that's one thing. But narcissists just suck!

[@healingbygiusi]

I agree. and there seems to be a lot of those types.. and we are often targets of those types of people too... very unfortunately. They do suck!

[@biancataal8535]

From a young age, i learnt to walk around as if i had a plan to destroy the world. I was a great fighter thanks to my brother always beating me up. It helps. These day's i'm 45 years of age and my main struggles are with myself. People still don't dare fuck with me. So there are two sides to that coin. This last week i had a meltdown and took time off work. It's hard being Autistic. But watch me on my good days. Nobody is better then me on those days. Its just shit they dont last. I'm trying to be kind to myself this weekend so i can perform on monday. I hope i have enough time. I neede to eat more. I'm losing weight fast.

[@healingbygiusi]

being kind to ourselves can be hard. sending you some extra love right now. and eat! something yummy :))) I like pasta a lot.

[@alrinaleroux9229]

Initially people at work seemed to regard me as aloof, so I had to loosen up and become more talkative than I used to be, in an effort to put them at ease, if only to be more transparent so that they could understand me better and realize that I'm not a threat. Nevertheless I didn't specifically try to be popular, because with the tendency towards social awkwardness I would have failed.

[@healingbygiusi]

I can relate to this so much.

[@WoohooliganComedy]

💖

[@MaryKDayPetrano]

You are so funny - "little goons;" but it's true !

[@healingbygiusi]

Hehehe little goons hehe bur for real! :)) thanks for being here.🫶🏻

[@chuzzbot]

I was a ' mean girl' didn't know that I was cptsd audhd and I actually suspect I wasn't the only one. There are some interesting psychologies going on in those groups I realised I was being a bully and I apologised to the person who I now realise was also autistic (but didn't look like a mean girl). They became a quite successful musical artist who toured the world, we are still legit friends today. Oh, I'm a straight male btw, but yeah it was exactly the same.

[@healingbygiusi]

I think that's a story for a lot of younger folks who are in these places where vulnerability is scary for them.. especially if they have been hurt and so they don't want to be that person and to ensure that, they become the bully. But it's wonderful that you were able to identify that and change. and even apologise! that's really lovely. : ) I'm sure she appreciated that so much.

[@rachaellee2629]

I Like You.🌼🧲

[@healingbygiusi]

Aww thank you ☺️🫶🏻🌼