Why Can't I Identify My Emotions? | ep.170

[@askkatianything]

ATTACHMENT WORKSHOP DETAILS: We will be exploring the way attachment to our primary caregivers affected us and how it may still be impacting us today. I will be hosting a LIVE workshop on July 21st & July 28th (session 2). Can't make the LIVE Workshop? we are offering a RECORDED version as well. Got to katimorton.com/the-shop to choose the right one for you! If you attend the LIVE workshop, you will have access to the recorded version once it is ready.

[@MamaRuck79]

Time stamps Q1 1:00 Q2 12:04 Q3 21:53 Q4 36:00 Q5 40:07 Q6 52:29 Q7 1:05:00 Q8 1:12:59 Q9 1:19:20

[@macabrewiccan]

As someone whos autistic, i tend to over research alot to the point where I stress myself out, but as i search for a therapist, I've been watching alot of your videos. I am someone who likes to know every possible knowledge on anything that I want to learn about.

[@tracirex]

from national autistic society: Exposure therapy does not work for autistics because over exposure to sensory inputs/information causes us to suffer, not get better

[@kem2271]

It depends on the exposure

[@tracirex]

@@kem2271 exposure to cookies and ice cream is always welcome😁

[@hmmcinerney]

You might be interested in the books and YT videos of Holly Bridges, who is an autism therapist but also has autism herself. She uses polyvagal theory in her practise ❤

[@laurenstoler6889]

I have ASD and am a social worker so I wanted to respond to the person who asked about challenges identifying their emotions. I’ve found it SO much easier when I’m in therapy to identify my emotions with metaphors. For example: sometimes I can’t pinpoint feeling overwhelmed , but I can pinpoint that I feel like I’m being knocked over by waves at the beach over and over again and can’t catch my footing. I’m a beach lover so these metaphors come easy, find something that comes easy to your mind as a way to explain your feelings and you’d be surprised at how much your therapist can know what you are trying to say! ❤

[@mindydavis6667]

Oh How I love this It completely makes sense to me. I manage CPTSD symptoms and struggle with identifying emotions- but i could totally do this!

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

Oh gosh that’s alwYs how I identify my feelings!! “I’m not nervous I just want to throw up.” Lol. Shame “I feel like a kid with a dirty face.” Depression: like a grey sky over a smooth lake…

[@crc0504]

Thanks Kati for answering my cannabis question 😀 cannabis always had a stigma towards it. It’s nice to hear good feedback from a therapist’s perspective. Thank you for all you do. I’ve learned so much from you. Your empathy inspires me even more and I’m more motivated to finish school with my Psych degree and be of service to people 😊

[@Authentistic-ism]

Autistic person here. Being in hyperfocus mode can make my startle response very exaggerated, when I"m interrupted. I'm hypervigilant to my environment at all times normally, but when I get interested and hyperfixated on something for a long time, the environment slips away and then i'm easily startled when something jarring happens.

[@stevemartin1320]

When i told my therapist that I was smoking weed, and literally prior to this specific session, he almost ended our therapy completely. He said all I'm doing is numbing. Long story short, I eventually stopped completely, (early May) and I had some great strides in therapy. I miss it calming my brain, but I'm trusting the Holy Spirit as my guide now.

[@maddie_142]

Hi Kati! Happy Thursday 😄 I asked question 1 about researching therapy. Thank you for your answer! It's definitely more out of interest, rather than from anxiety. I'm just curious and find it all fascinating to learn about (I do study psychology). I don't think its really impacting my treatment, but I wanted to get a therapist's take on this, since I do feel like I know a lot of the things taught in "therapy school" that most clients probably haven't learned.. Also I have an update! I've been seeing a career counsellor recently, and it turns out I'm actually leaning towards going into the field. Not sure exactly what I want to do yet, but we've been discussing a whole bunch of jobs in mental health/therapy. Have a great day!

[@karenstory614]

Thank you for this video. I really need to see a therapist. So many of the things you spoke about really hit home with me.

[@Gwenx]

Q8: I personally had to take a step back from Katies videos, because i started talking about Katie like she was a friend of mine, i felt like she was kinda a friend or therapist, but i also love psychology and she is the place where i get many of my facts and information from, so when my mother in law asks like "oh where did you learn that from" i often refer to Katie, and mention her by name.. Which sounds a little fun or weird to people not knowing what or who she is haha! I got the same with my mentor as she has shown me a ton of kindness and "held my hand though tough times" in a sense, i realized it when i thought of loosing them that, i was more attached when i would like to be as it is a one way relationship. I took a pause from Katies videos, and i told myself to regulate my behavior towards my Mentor. It actually helped me a lot, i talked with my Mentor about something where we actually disagreed and i told her my honest opinion and told that it would not change. Though she disagreed i think she was proud that i didn't just bow to her and took on her opinion as the only option as i sometimes tend to do. I have even felt mad at her for not stepping up in a way i needed, and when i told her she said that she was glad i brought it up so we could talk about it and maybe change it. So yea, i totally felt that transference

[@callibelle13]

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question in the video! I really appreciate your wonderful insight. :)

[@faithdaugherty9268]

I just want to say thank you. You’re someone who feels safe to me and (pardon me) but I love you and I think you’re an amazing person, and you help so many people. Thank you for being here.

[@Dblue7753]

Thanks for answering my question. You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you. I'm grateful you are not going anywhere.

[@missrebeccay]

OMG my question got answered 😱 that was very unexpected! Thanks Kati :)

[@SurferJoe1]

36:14 When I lived in L.A. "California formal" meant shirt and shoes, and a "California stop" (not good!) meant a slow roll-stop through a stop sign (rather than full-stop with your tires rocking back). I knew a guy in art school who was in his twenties and had never owned long pants. He produces "Sponge Bob" now.

[@crc0504]

We definitely like the laid back scene 😅

[@eryaviel]

Grew up in AZ and I always heard a rolling stop be called a California stop. Interesting how those things travel. :)

[@KristinaRobles-rz8kc]

😁

[@KristinaRobles-rz8kc]

😁

[@patriciavalerieshalapata8100]

Wow you hit on quite a few things that I feel about my own issues in life. Not really a formal diagnoses but had children with mental issues and sat in with their therapy dr. Which has actually helped me to analyze my own issues.

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Oh yes. Being in head too much - how how how to let it go and be helped in a real way and trust ??? seems like my golden question ….. 💞💙🙏🏻👊

[@discopotato675]

Such a great 1st question... I over research to a fault... Ti the point I'm over consuming and not absorb the majority of it to actually effectively apply it. Also did this after an emotionally abusive relationship left thinking... "WTF just happened?".... And i obsessed on Narcissism, Borderline and Bipolar videos. I got valuable information.... That I was in fact in an abusive relationship regardless of if/what she was. I can't diagnose. But it got to the point where I had to tell myself, why do I need anymore information about it? Bottom line, it was toxic and I was miserable

[@cindyperez1085]

Great video today! Love your no nonsense approach. You put empathy into it which makes it easier to understand and hear. Keep up the amazing work you do, Kati. You are making a difference!❤

[@annelewis6236]

You are great resource for people Katie . For the person who asked about transference & watching your videos . She said that she is a full time caregiver for her mother . You mentioned some of the things that could be happening. Here's another possible variable that could be adding to tbe full picture. Social Isolation. That it is very common occurence for family members that are full.time caregivers especially for spouses and adult children.

[@katiswan3160]

Hi Kati do you have a video that expression emotion using art such as depression?

[@Maverick305Bliss]

You are so right about the children and dealing with divorce. I went to great measures to help my daughter and son when they had to go through the divorce. I gave my now ex-wife the papers two months before letting the children know because that was the amount of time left in their school year. I still remember what my then 4 year old son said, “I guess this means I won’t see you again” So heartbreaking. But I had already set up my apartment and took them to it that same day as telling them and I repeatedly kept telling them that this was not their fault. That basically became a mantra for me and my kids. I would have them say (out loud) in front of me that the divorce isn’t my fault. Trying my best to protect them and their future selves. I had legal grounds for “cause” in the divorce but I elected to go with a no-fault divorce instead. My lawyer and everyone around thought I was insane; but my motivation behind my choice was to protect the image of their mother. No matter what I did I knew they would be affected but I made my choices to protect them the best I could. Like my lawyer told me it would the judge hammered me in the hearing and it cost me so very much money, I had not thought it would be as bad as it was, but that was the cost of my decision to go with the no-fault. Through the years that followed I refused to speak poorly about their mother around them and I would stop them from speaking badly about her. I told them that whatever their mom was doing or saying they could always come and talk to me about and we can talk it out; telling them that I my actions or inactions that followed would be based on the outcome of any discussion. I was highly criticized for continuing to help my ex with things like repairing something that broke or installing a ceiling fan because her new place didn’t have one. My son asked why I was doing that kind of stuff; I told him and my daughter that my motivation behind me electing to do certain things because she was their mother and once she had a new partner that I would step back and allow the new guy tend to that kind of stuff. I knew that they were going to ask why I didn’t fight harder for custody. Instead of letting them ruminate for a long period of time about it I explained to them why I didn’t. Telling them that I would have had to tell the court that she was a bad mom and that they would have to as well. I told them that just because she and I had issues adding again that those issues were not their fault in any way. But just because we became unsuitable for each other that it didn’t mean she wasn’t a good mother to them. Jump forward to the present day, both of my children are of adult age. My daughter elected to drop out of college to marry the love of her life and they have 3 children now; my son is 6 years younger than her, but when he elected to go to the local university I told him that he could stay with me and the only cost (outside the college) that I would cover. Today he is still in my house as he begins working on his Master’s degree. Yeah I paid so much money that I won’t be able to retire, I’m going to need to work until the end of my days because of decisions I made along the way, but to me I was trying my hardest to stop the generational mental abuse and neglect with me and not pass it on to them. It all paid for itself when we were out for dinner and they both said that they appreciated how I handled things throughout the time between telling them about the divorce and up to that day. That now as adults they could not only see but that for every time I told them that on day they would understand. They understand what I did and that I did it solely for their benefit and wasn’t worried more about money and taking care of myself at their expense. To this day they continue to ask what caused the divorce, that they would be able to understand and handle it now but I continue to refuse to do so. What their mother had done did give me legal grounds to save oh so much money, but that would have painted a picture about their mother that was very negative and would have certainly affected them, I continue to refuse telling them because I am still protecting them; they claim to not understand why as adults I would not tell them, my reply or new mantra is that no matter how old they get their mother would still be their mother and if I told them that in my estimation would effect them just as bad now as back then…the mantra, “one day you will understand”… one day that all of my motivation was to build two happy homes instead of dragging them through life in one unhappy home…one day they will understand but unless their mother tells them, they will never know nor is there a need for them to know all the details. Today two happy homes, two happy and well adjusted adults that will not gone on without perpetuating generational abuse…that stops with me…

[@PrestoJacobson]

Too much to read for me, but I'm happy/sad for you, depending on what is appropriate. I am done protecting people from their own image and ego, tho.

[@coffeeandhorses7991]

Sounds like the first question is curiosity!. Not ocd.

[@shaneeceshauer6049]

Hi Kati! I'm interested in learning more about your workshop but I'm not sure what link in the description will take me there.

[@askkatianything]

Hi! Sorry about that - here is the correct information: ATTACHMENT WORKSHOP - We will be exploring the way attachment to our primary caregivers affected us and how it may still be impacting us today. DETAILS: I will be hosting a LIVE workshop on July 21st & July 28th (session 2). Can't make the LIVE Workshop? we are offering a recorded version as well. Got to katimorton.com/the-shop to choose the right one for you. If you attend the LIVE workshop, you will have access to the recorded version once it is ready.

[@diddykong73]

About alexithymia and ASD: There's actually some people (including myself) hypothesizing that growing up autistic is in itself often a traumatic experience. Since we experience the world differently we often face rejection, disbelief and invalidation, beginning in early childhood. When we don't believe our emotions and perception to be real and valid because people for example said we were overreacting when being sensory overloaded, we might not be able to identify those sensations in the first place. It doesn't seem to be important, if nobody listens to you anyway. Of couse there may be differences in how the environment, especially the primary caregivers, approach the child. Sometimes early diagnosis of ASD can prevent some damage, but often there's still places where you won't be accepted as your autistic self (e.g. in school, as being bullied is sadly extremely common for autistic kids, or even in (ABA-)therapy). If you're interested in reading more, I can recommend Dr. Devon Prince essays on Medium! There's one exactly targeting this topic, explaining it better than I do and having supporting research linked :)

[@theologytherapist]

Love this and thank you for making this video! ❤

[@Gwenx]

Q5: Personally i am a late diagnosed Autist along with my big sister and her son was just recently diagnosed at age 12 or 13 (i dont remember ages well haha!) i also have a couple of ASD friends. So in my experience, some people with ASD can have a very hard time feeling their emotions and i would very much recommend that if you struggle with not being able to identify more then 2-4 emotions to learn that first. My best friend have had a lot of trauma and it took him until recently to get a therapist and open up, he did everthing he could to advoid feeling things he wasn't familiar with and only experienced Happiness, Sadness, Mild anger, and the "no feelings" state. He could not cry, he still doesn't recognize jealousy, he dosen't recognize anger and when it happens it comes out uncontrolled, and there is a general lack of more then just 3 emotions, and he does have a very hard time figuring out why he is feeling sad "but in a weird way" or why he is "just feeling off or odd". I feel like us with autism can have a lot of trauma but it might look very different, 1 because we might not have had the skills to communicate what was wrong when it happened, 2 because what is a trauma to me might not be a trauma to you, 3 many with ASD have these specific ways of being, thinking, feeling, talking, existing, and they can often appear stupid or like an inconvenience to others, 4 masking can be a very traumatic experience, especially if it makes you do or agree to things you actually don't want to do, There are probs way more things but these are the most unspecific over all topics i could muster up hehe! Personally i have a lot of trauma, in my childhood there was a ton of neglect from both my divorced parents, and many assume i wouldn't have because my mom was a normal working single mom, but unfortunately she put a lot of her issues and worries on me (money, cost of living, dinner planning, weight loss talk, food talk in general, no love life, not being able to travel because of me, not being able to do many things because of me, guilt, heavy work stories as she was a nurse working at the cancer unit, divorce crap talk, that's a few highlights and some of them i didn't even pick up on being a problem before recently) I have sexual abuse trauma also as a teenager trying to fit in, im a very picky eater often mistaken for having an ED, which in turn gave me an ED because of the constant notation of my weight and food intake. And i am, as my mom would put it, "a very sensitive person" always "caring for others" and even "taking other peoples emotions on as they where my own" these three things explains very much and she is not wrong, hehe. Hope it can give a little insight to what it could look like :)

[@amaliefalck4966]

Hugs From Denmark 🇩🇰✌🏻

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

1:18:58 I wondered on this one, she said she was her mothers caretaker so I also wonder what state her mom is in… is she elderly/disabled, or is she ill or even terminal. Because I also thought abandonment triggers, especially if she is also experiencing a realization of a parents mortality. Could it be a repression of fears about losing her mom? Then sort of transferring onto you i that way? Just a thought.

[@alexandria3458]

22:31 love your opinion on this!

[@dukefartington8834]

These videos are so helpful I wish this stuff was real

[@wildpett]

I am not able to identify my emotions at all.

[@lemsip207]

It's also part of boarding school syndrome to the point where they cannot even identify bodily feelings.

[@itsonlyatail]

I always have a plan of escape…..I have had attempts and I think I feel better if I have a plan. I have talked to my therapist about it a lot, but she has never asked for a safety contract.

[@A_Me_Amy]

i am so fast, in the past, after it is done, befor eyou think it, my opinion is known, before you make the video, after it happened. it did happen in the past lol. i actively do it form me, in the future.

[@sheilaalawdi591]

What therapy helps you identify feelings or emotions?

[@coffeeandhorses7991]

CBT

[@kylapollard9275]

I was wondering if someone might be able to help or give some insight on EDs. I’ve gained a lot of weight since the beginning of the year and I’m hating it so much. I use to restrict and felt so good doing it and lost a lot of weight and felt so good about it but then I went into binging for months. Im now feeling like I’m needing to go back and stop this nonsense. Hating myself so much more about what’s happened. Would this be an eating disorder or disordered eating? I feel like I’m fine and just need to do better and make a lot more better choices. I hope this makes sense.

[@peach_dumplings2188]

It might be worth checking out some website resources from your country on eating disorders and looking up the signs and symptoms. I think as a weigh focused society, we can all have some tendency to under eat at times when we decide to 'eat healthy' or 'diet' which can lead to blow outs with bingeing if we haven't changed our diet in a way that's sustainable. There's specific diagnostic criteria for eating disorders and if you're feeling out of control in relation to food it might be worth speaking to a health practitioner to understand if what your experiencing is unhealthy relationship to food and weight. Hope that helps.

[@kylapollard9275]

@@peach_dumplings2188 this does help thank you.

[@amandarodman3068]

1:19:28 thank you for speaking on this. I’m currently going through the beginning stages of divorce, with teens still at home. It’s devastating.

[@howtoaca7504]

💕💕

[@N_Ros]

Regarding the video title, something I find is a problem when communicating issues with _naming_ feelings or emotions is that people confuse this with being unable to _identify_ feelings or emotions. The process of identifying something is about telling something apart from something else, it's different from struggling with naming "it". The term alexithymia means "no words for feelings", it does not mean that you are unable to identify feelings, but has unfortunately been taken to mean this, rather than what it actually means: can't name the feeling, don't know the name for it, can't assign a label to it. This robs those people of a perfectly good word, who do struggle with naming rather than identifying feelings or emotions.

[@aleciabernardoni1255]

Also there’s a source online coping skills checklist that can be printed

[@aleciabernardoni1255]

Is it les and Leslie parrot

[@tonyburton419]

Q9 - Your "off the cuff" description of PTSD is simply not fully correct or fully described as according to DSMV or ICD10.

[@gregoryrogers1420]

'promosm'

[@misspeacock-2506]

Watching this is "research " or i prefare knowledge seeking

[@A_Me_Amy]

cuz im psychotic. and a liar.

[@coppersense999]

36:45 I learned about "CA sober" thru Demi Lovato. Re: IF I really hate when Dr. Fung and other thought leaders try to sell fasting as a weight loss tool. Fasting has been a spiritual practice for centuries and when I want an extra boost of motivation I dive into all the health benefits. I literally track what is happening in my body hour-by-hour, for example autophagy beginning at about hour 13, all the way to when benefits level out and no longer increase at around 36 hours, max 48. There are rare occasions when there is good reason for an extended fast, but frankly weight loss does not make the list. In fact, if someone struggling with disordered eating were to do a similar dive into what is motivating their refrain from eating, they would uncover far different factors than I do with my list of health benefits, in the form of false, limiting beliefs and core wounds. Such as "My worth is based in beauty" and "skinny is beautiful." The first belief is hard to avoid as a woman, but in my opinion the second is untrue for both attraction and health. Research (hard to find) has shown a healthy buffer of fat has positive health effects. But extremes in either direction in terms of weight obviously has ill effects. Tl;dr fasting is off-limits for those who suffer from disordered eating and is not a tool for the purpose of losing weight in the first place. If someone is obese, that might occur as a side effect. However some one lifting weights could even GAIN weight. When I fast, I do so because I love feeling light, bright, clear and creative: healthy in mind and body. It also helped break my addiction to food, so that eating became a conscious choice rather than a compulsive coping strategy. Again, with the cultural messaging shoved down young women's throats, some must be careful what practices they adopt and why. Prohibiting women from fasting would be another casualty under a culture tolerant of mysogny and patriarchy imo, though not in Muslim cultures, so there is always room for nuance. Keep up the great work Kati, appreciate you and your thoughtful, compassionate wisdom. ❤