Why Christians Should Stop Dating So Long Before Marrying Someone

[@PaulandMorgan]

Hey Fam! What did you think of our perspective that dating doesn’t need to take so long? We share our views in love and we welcome differing perspectives on this topic :) Check the video description for rules to our BIGGEST Merch Giveaway yet!👆

[@brentongandy658]

I agree, 4-6 months is enough time. And I also agree that it depends on the situation. Someone could be in a bad financial situation at that time.

[@alicem4364]

@@btd6pro693 OK, mr athiest is how I found this channel but dude. The land daddy name is just plain cringe

[@Jessie20032]

I guess it’s different for some reason 🤷‍♀️ if you know in your heart and from God that’s the person whom you are meant to marry then go ahead 😁

[@rianenelson4852]

So u made comment 2 the matter tht if ur not ready 4 marriage u shudnt start dating. I want 2 start dating, but I’m 2 young 4 marriage. Do u hav a video, or thot on how old u shud b b4 u start dating?

[@olivegonzalez837]

Between my boyfriend and I, we decided we were going to get married once we had been dating somewhere between 3-5 months. Our situation has to do with age. We have been dating since December 2017, but we cannot marry because I'm not 18 yet

[@Maaaddiiieee]

I think knowing you DON’T want to marry someone takes much less time than knowing you DO want to marry them.

[@larenalomen8852]

Agreed

[@PaulandMorgan]

Lol yeah that’s often true

[@boluwatifeadeleye9668]

I totally agree with you Paul and Morgan. Few relationships i have been in, I have gone in totally full on intentional. Because I already have an idea exactly what I am looking for and also in the light of Christ and his words. I ask questions any time we are together and I look out for things. The longest has been 3 months. Because one has to be lowly, not judgmental of the other person. Most of the time I ask myself, I'm I ready if this guy ask me to marry him, based on how my spirit is in agreement and the word of God? If the question is no. I always suggest to the guy that I don't think I am ready to carry on with the relationship. However at the back of my mind, if the guy thinks otherwise and wants to keep the relationship going, for me it is a no. 1 pass for him, if I liked him I would stay put. If not I would kindly withdraw. On the other hand, if the guy says, ok bye, I will leave with immediate effect, because that means that he has never been into me in the first place. I like men who can lead a relationship. If I find myself doing the whole questioning and conversation, one big sign for me to withdraw or check again. I am still trusting God happily.!

[@righteousfroce1254]

@@AllieLittleMonster sometimes people marry people they know they shouldn't marry which is why divorce happens in that case

[@caitlinweiss8801]

I politely disagree. I think you really need to see someone at their best and worst times and that could be right away but usually it's not. Also people change over time and it important to get a glimpse at what sort of person they might become in the future. Just my humble opinion. No hate.

[@rikketakera]

“Sexual boundaries get broken because there is no ending in sight” Um. PLEASE don’t get married just to have sex. That’s cray.

[@meganarnett7201]

Rikke Right?!? I’m not marrying someone who doesn’t sexually satisfy me. 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

[@carolinehunt6326]

Not quite what they meant there, haha 😆 I think he was just emphasizing that if the dating process is long and drawn out with the end goal not being marriage which equals no true long-term commitment, can lead a couple to sexually sin.

[@marsofficial3798]

I know!!! I feel like so many young christians just get married so fast mostly because they want to have sex. Don’t set yourself up for failure!

[@alyxotic7435]

"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:9

[@TheKingdomInfluence]

Megan Arnett It not only about pleasure your union is to glorify god together.

[@rachaeld.4753]

I understand your points of view Paul and Morgan, but marriage (in my head) is LIFELONG. I would not suggest Christians to rush into it just because it is such a sacred, important, and again LIFELONG commitment. Instead, if anyone is contemplating getting married, do ALOT of praying (like pray everyday) and ask God to give you the signs if this person is the one or not. God should be the one giving the signs (or red flags) as to whether or not you should marry someone. He will show you and you will know if that person is the one by their fruits (Matthew 7:16-20). One big point is to not be blinded by "the butterflies of love" so much that you miss red flags about someone that you're dating. If the Lord gives you His ultimate blessing you can be rest assured He will be in it with you to guide and lead the marriage.

[@joshua-jordantaylor934]

You realise praying is completely contradictory? If you believe all is part of God's plan, whether you pray or not doesn't matter. He has already decided who is the one.

[@latepearson7645]

Rachael D. In the ancient, God prescribed, Hebrew marriage, engagement came on a random day and the guy and gal did not know until the guy picked her out of the crowd. Engagement happened on the first day. And the guy did not have time to talk with the woman much until the day of marriage. We are blessed for 4 months to get to get to know a person. I say 3 months, but whatever.

[@Momo_Mo781]

So true.

[@carson551]

big mong There is a spiritual war going on and the devil will put roadblocks in your way. He comes to steal kill and destroy and God comes so we can have life and have it more abundantly. Ephesians 6:11-12 are other important verses. Prayers and the armor of God are so important! They are critical to Christians. Marriage is sacred and it is so great but the devil will tempt you with the wrong one. A bad marriage that God never intended for you to be in will steal your happiness kill your joy and possibly hope and just destroy you. Jeremiah 29:11 talks about the plans God has for us but we need to be steadfast so we know what they are and we don’t chase everything put in front of us. I don’t see why you would tell anyone to stop praying ever. Edit: Sometime on your own just look up bible verses about prayer.

[@potatoes1234]

Paul and Morgan gave an honest perspective of time, and for the longest time the common Christian thought was just wait a long time and be super patient. This then leads two to date for years one end. That is wasted time if both leave and go separate ways, there is a heavy emotional investment even at that point. Probably more for the female than the man.

[@loganwinters9485]

“Don’t be afraid to get married” dude it’s legal binding like you lose a lot of money if you guys separate it’s kind of a big deal you gotta make sure it’s the right person

[@potatoes1234]

So date for 10 years, am I right?

[@loganwinters9485]

Christian Orpinell hmmm I don’t remember saying that

[@hannahHaii]

Christian Orpinell and what’s wrong with dating for 10 years? Not everyone’s end all be all of life is a marriage....

[@taequiero7520]

@@potatoes1234 and why not? Dating is not a bad thing. Dating is not a pre-marriage phase for some people.

[@hannahHaii]

Mike He means that a wedding and a divorce is very expensive.

[@kerryrose4870]

Divorce rates have been steadily dropping for years and that's in large part due to the fact that so many people are now waiting longer to get married. If you can wait four months, you can wait a year, or even two years. This is a lifetime commitment that shouldn't be taken in haste. People tend to present the best of themselves in the early stages of a relationship, especially fundamentally dishonest people. It takes time to discover someone's true character. That said, there are always exceptions, some people know after the first date and stay together forever, but statistically it's much more of a risk to jump in early than to give it time.

[@briannarose3033]

Actually, I don't have proof of this but it's just a theory, a lot more couples aren't even getting married and rather just moving in together, that way they don't have to divorce. The people who are a lot more serious and confident in their relationships are the ones who are getting married because they don't fear divorce, and thus the rates are going down. Less marriages = less divorces :(

[@vi4269]

@@briannarose3033 huh makes sence

[@ZBooneBeats]

@@briannarose3033 Yes, I studied this in Sociology. It's called cohabitation when people live together without marriage. It is a rising trend in the USA.

[@Kitkat-vs1or]

@@briannarose3033 its about proportions, not about less or more people getting married. You have to look at the percent of people getting divorced out of those that got married in the first place

[@briannarose3033]

@@Kitkat-vs1or You're right, you do, I agree. But some people don't, I guess it just depends who's talking and what they're talking about 🤷‍♂️

[@mrhippoluvsme]

Just some food for thought, not all people date for a longer period of time because they aren't sure if they should marry the person or not. A lot of the process of getting married is logistics, especially money. If you are young and don't have money you will have to continue dating for potentially many years before logistically you can have a wedding, have money to move in together and take on bills. Most people know right away but not many people are in a position in life where they can just throw a wedding after 4 months, they have to save money and plan and graduate college and move to the same city if they're long distance. I would say the majority of people stay in relationships until they can responsibly enter into marriage. You have to prepare before you go into it it's not just "boundaries" and "questions," that's probably the least of the problems. "Godly dating" doesn't just mean getting to know someone, it also means being responsible as people before you literally join yourselves together as one flesh.

[@aleissner88]

Emotionally ready...financially not so much. Trying to move out of our parents houses but it's getting expensive now. We both weren't looking when we found each other. We've been together over two and a half years but knew we wanted to be married pretty early on.

[@arnetteciapha1897]

Maybe I am being naive but it's that simple if you are not ready to marry don't date!!! If you feel you still need to accomplish something or save up for whatever, do it while single. There's nothing wrong with being single. When you finally feel you are at the point to settle down you can start dating and you wouldn't have any excuse to date for long periods. This is for people who want their dating lives to glorify God if you don't care about God you can do whatever.....

[@nomrs5942]

Arnette Ciapha sometimes people come into your life when you’re not looking. It’s easy to say don’t date until you’re ready for marriage but that’s not always realistic.

[@arnetteciapha1897]

Mrs Jacobs true, to each his own

[@kczmonkey03]

Thank you for this! I agree 100%. I can’t even finish watching the video because it neglects so much of Christian dating, godly dating, intentional dating.... WHATVER.... that is waiting for God’s timing. Also no reference whatsoever about the “infatuation phase”. It’s biological- how God made our brains. And that phase lasts up to 3 years. So..... can Christians STOP and start sharing a testimony of their own life and NOT use it as a platform to preach to other Christians about what they should do. Instead we should encourage each other to APPROACH GOD, talk to Jesus, and follow and obey HIS promptings. That’s godly advice. They’re making judgments and assumptions. Maybe they can take these comments to the Lord and see if God gives them any wisdom about what we’re saying. You are not God. You can’t say that couples who date for longer will cross sexual boundaries and couples who date for shorter amounts of time won’t. God knows sees and assesses the heart of man and He alone is to cast judgment- it’s not our job. Period.

[@xTwinVipersx]

Hi Paul and Morgan, But how do you avoid the abuse tho? Abusers will use this trick to rush the relationship and get you married and "locked in" to the relationship fast. Like my mom, she got married after 6 months and after marriage he turned out to be an abuser. Came from a perfect family too. Don't you think the dating should be longer, so you can uncover everything about the other person, to avoid the abuse and make sure he is not an abuser? Because what abusers will do is "put on a show" until you are locked in. And dating only a short time increases that risk. Do you believe that getting to know the other person for a short time before making them a permanent piece of your life is dangerous? How do you avoid abuse/ marrying an abuser? Thanks guys!

[@larevival4074]

Nancy Liz marriage is a risk no matter how long you date.

[@TakeMeToHobbiton]

@@larevival4074 Much less of a risk if you're careful and don't rush into things during the honeymoon phase though.

[@kerryrose4870]

@@larevival4074 True, but it's a lot easier for abusers to hide their true colors for 4-6 months as opposed to 1-2 years. There's always risk in marriage, but there's definitely more risk involved in marrying after such a short time.

[@itsmamawolf]

Nancy Liz prayer prayer prayer! The Bible says in Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and [a]mighty things, which you do not know.” Ask for discernment. The Holy Spirit will reveal it to you

[@cicimelendez4557]

Usually there are some subtle signs there in the beginning. You have to be on the look out. Are they slowly keeping you away from your friends? Do you hear the phrase "if you love me you would..."? Have you ever seen them angry before? No? Well that's something you need to see before you get married. These are just a couple little things but there are so many more. When you are dating someone you need to tone down the feelings and look at what is being said, done, and not done to really see what kind of person that is.

[@mothmustardseed1858]

There is NO way that you truly know someone's character after 4 months of seeing them a few times a week.

[@ranip7644]

My uncle started cheating on his wife decades into their marriage. You don't know anyone 100%, and it doesn't matter if you've been dating them for 2 months or two years.

[@davinajones5042]

Elizabeth Seeley they're not saying you'll know them 100%, they're saying you'll be able to gather enough basic fundamental information of who they are as a person. For example, the closer you get to a person , you won't know their character unless you talk, interact and engage with them. About a few months in you can start to depict the key necessary points of their personality. You won't need to know them 100% in those few months, but simply enough to know whether or not you want to continue the relation-ship. Even a few years into a marriage, you still won't know them 100%.

[@thededicatedguild7442]

If you know about cognitive stacking you can do it in 2hrs with practice

[@fidgetasmr1972]

So true, I dated my husband 5.5 years before he married me! And he turned out to have gone to jail after 22 years years of marriage.

[@natalyaakselaleksander4502]

My parents dated for 5 months! Been married for 35 and in love to this day. What can I say? The bible has no magical time formula. Biblical characters didn't date after all. Isaac saw Rebecca and fell in love instantly. Need I name more examples like this? When God wants you together, it doesn't matter how long you date for before you marry!

[@NikkiPhillippi]

I feel like it’s not necessarily a specific amount of time... for so many reasons.... but I WOULD say it’s important to have had a fight before you get married... I think you should know how your partner fights! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@PaulandMorgan]

Hey Nikki! Praying God blesses and leads you on your channel 😊 Thanks for the comment. That’s a good point, there’s a healthy way to fight and an unhealthy way.

[@devinrivers5808]

NikkiPhillippi ..Wow...that’s a very interesting perspective...makes sense

[@erkfx4154]

Brb going to get in a fight with my girlfriend I’ve been with for a year because she’s too chill to pick a fight with me. I’m only kidding. I get your point, but my girlfriend and I haven’t fought yet. Do I wait another few years then? What about if we go through disagreements on things? We do talk to each other very openly at least.

[@NikkiPhillippi]

ErkFX nah fam lol you do you and what you feel like God is leading you towards... It was just a perspective:) I’m so glad you and your GF get along so well!

[@PGOuma]

So truuuue. Couldn't handle the fights in one but things went waaay more smoothly in my most recent relationship

[@Napstrong]

Everybody pleeease take your time before getting married!

[@jazminforbes209]

I agree 100% agree with this

[@tashawilliams8093]

Exactly.

[@eme7571]

I mean its not bad at all to take Ur Time if u want to, but i dont think its nessecery to take Time. I do agree with Paul and Morgan on this one

[@katiesnudden829]

@@eme7571 it is, epsciwlly if you find out later you aren't really compatible with a person or worse, they are abusive. If you rushed into a relationship and they don't start the abuse of it until after they have you tied down with marriage, it's so much harder to get out of a relationship

[@jadid9110]

What is the difference?? Even when people are boyfriend and girlfriend, they’re doing EVERYTHING a married couple does. Love, sex, kissing, hugging, holding hands, being in love in general, but marriage is a big step? That makes no sense. It’s sad, people think it’s weird when someone gets married at 18, or 19, early 20’s.

[@SophieMelissa]

I was with my ex boyfriend for a year, when after a turn of events he changed a lot and became abusive, I thought I wanted to marry him, but I’m so glad I didn’t. I’ve now been with my current boyfriend for 3 years, I can’t imagine anyone more kind and compatible and only now is there talk of engagement, and I feel ready for that as I know I do want to marry him. Personally, I’m glad he’s seen me in different stages of my life and I feel like time has helped us grow together and learn more about each other :)

[@perryjohnson7499]

but u can’t have marital sex 😳

[@bonezbaaaby]

Yes, but have you been abstinent this whole time?

[@Press2GetTheCookie]

Perry Johnson so the purpose of marriage for you is to have sex??

[@Press2GetTheCookie]

Jewel For Jesus so her boyfriend wouldn’t have been abusive if they were not having sex?

[@perryjohnson7499]

Press2GetTheCookie dw i was kidding lol

[@EbeA-xb6vn]

I think it’s important to see someone in different seasons of life. See how they handle times of success, hardship, disappointment, anger, etc. It allows you to see if their faith is unwavering in the furnace of affliction and Christ as their true cornerstone.

[@PaulandMorgan]

E BeA thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

[@docmadi96]

Don't you just love their vague comments that clearly show they don't agree nor care for your comment?

[@Pandoragmys]

And even if they waver, sometimes God is building their character and so it does not give you the right to dismiss them as not being true Christians.

[@elizabethkiesewetter4630]

@@docmadi96 so condescending!!

[@elizabethkiesewetter4630]

How they do that...not your comment lol

[@amarahsrabbitry1073]

Met my fiance, courting one month later, engaged 7 weeks later, married 10 weeks later. From met to married in 5 months! When its right, you KNOW. God’s timing is perfect.

[@alangwhiteTheBoss]

That’s luck

[@amarahsrabbitry1073]

@@alangwhiteTheBoss Correction, it’s uncommon. Not luck, blessing. I am blessed to know several couples with very similar stories in my circle. ❤️

[@daradarling]

“It wasn’t a ‘I’m not ready for marriage thing.’ It’s a ‘I wasn’t actually ready for dating thing.’” *snap snap* so true! I’m an 18 year old girl, and of course I want to get married some day, but when I think about the person I want to be and things I want to accomplish before getting married it really puts into perspective the importance of everyone’s season of singleness.

[@PaulandMorgan]

Great stuff Dara!

[@theredhead1900]

Same season for me (although I'm 16)

[@theredhead1900]

And I'm a guy

[@ruthcrawford5897]

Dara Mack yes!!!! I’m definitely in this state of mind

[@whitneyholley9968]

same

[@arlensevilla]

My parents dated for 4months, and this year they celebrate 20 years happily married... I agree 100% with you guys, intentional dating!

[@arlensevilla]

@Im a fucking pretty princess Of course this is not the case for everyone, this is just an example of something I have seen and experienced first hand with my parents marriage. Another example could be, an aunt and uncle who dated for about 13 years (since they were 15 until they were 28) and got married, they been together for about 9-10 years, and are as happy as ever for what I can see. My comment is just an example regarding the videos topic, im not trying to say there is just one correct way of doing things. None the less, still think intensional dating is the best way to go on about dating if you don't want to risk wasting your time with people who don't know what they want.

[@neveahwhims]

Agreed! We were 25 and our dating/courtship lasted 4 months. That was exactly our thoughts. We have been together 8 years, four kids. We are both trained marriage and family therapists and knew that this is the way to go. For sure. But key point: ask the hard questions, have friends and family ask the hard questions. And the butterflies are not what you rely on. It's logic, choice, similar ministry & life paths.

[@RedefiningBodybuilding]

Great video and great points. The reason for so much push back is that today most people know how to DATE but they have no idea how to COURT. And what you guys are speaking about is actual COURTSHIP. And with that comes a ton of DISCERNMENT. It's not just looking for likes and similarities. It's looking for values and long term goals. It's looking for clarity. And it's involving others in the process of choosing your mate. Being in tuned to see red flags, and fully vetting someone. In addition, building intimacy outside of sex, creating a bond for a stronger true compatibility - not chemistry. This is what the generations before us did. And is so much more fulfilling in the quest for marriage and love.

[@laurengb6]

My parents met each other, got engaged one month later, got married one month after that, and they're still together 24 years later. It's called commitment. I totally agree with this video. If you're in the right stage of life and intentional you'll know in a short time period.

[@antoninastepak1244]

You can't have sex before marrige, shouldnt date too long because 4 months is enough, you cant use birth control, cant have an abortion and you cant divorce. Do you know what you are saying? Do you know what kind of message you are spreading? I am a child of divorce, and my parents married young. Then were happily married for some time and then it turned out that they are not a match, but already had a 4 year old child and had to go through a lot of formalities, court.. it can take YEARS, while getting married is less than an hour if you want it to be. thats nothing pleasent. If you are really so in love after 4 months, than you can wait, because when you want a family, its not just about you anymore, its about your future children. True love can wait.

[@derekdouglas6147]

See, I completely agreed with this idea until I got in my first relationship. I tried my best to be as intentional as possible, she put on a good show about loving the Lord, and things were going pretty well. Around 4 months in we started taking about the possibility of getting married. Six months in I was considering buying a ring sometime soon. Then I found she had a bad habit of sleeping with other dudes behind my back (not that we were sleeping together), and I'm so glad I didn't put a ring on it. That's why I'm weary of jumping into marriage that quick, but maybe I just have had bad experiences.

[@shutit4024]

You dodged a bullet my friend! Good thing god showed you her true colors and she wasn’t the one. Don’t let this stop you from dating just look out for signs and pray on it. Stay blessed.

[@lutheranninja1819]

Did you guys go to college? I think a lot of the waiting to get married is because people need to graduate. Or want to see what someone is like when they can hold down a job as opposed to being a college kid.

[@latepearson7645]

college is only advisable if you are doing something like being a doctor or something like that. become an intern or an apprentice. On the job training is the best. I go to university and I really regret it. I pray that anyone thinking about going to college for humanities or even a trade, don't do it.

[@sophienienow4308]

@@latepearson7645 agreed

[@purplepancakespink]

@@latepearson7645 It's hard to get a good job without a college degree nowadays. most jobs even want post-graduate degrees for their applicants

[@kaykapone4135]

Lutheran Ninja , I don't think they meant situations like that, but you're very right.

[@goopley3686]

Man you guys are really humble about your opinons. I've came across Christian youtubers who speak about they're opinions like "Oh i'm right, and your wrong do exactly what I do" and you guys are totally different and I really like that about your channel. You guys don't push your opinon you just share that and its great. :)))

[@PaulandMorgan]

goopley awe really glad to hear that😊❤️

[@jadebroadnax3352]

Y'all. Another sweeping generalization video. Please try better to think about what you're saying and how it impacts others before you post it. I found one video through a pop up recommend video 20 minutes ago & I'm deep in the comments. Sorry. But I can't help but speak out against things I genuinely feel are detrimental to other Christians education. Y'all. Where do I start. The use of "all of you should" instead of "this is what worked for us" is dangerous. It's dangerous. It's irresponsible, in my opinion. For you both to have so strongly believed that you had the keys to salvation and all the right answers...enough to film a video without doubts...shows me that you believe you've followed the rules enough and found enough of what you would consider Christian success (marriage) that that somehow makes you qualified to answer the questions only God has the answers to. You're young newlyweds and I truly believe you are taking advantage of the naive minds of those who arent yet married and are hopeful to be married. There is no formula for success. The answer is Jesus. The answer is the freedom in Christ we have to choose right from wrong and the conviction and direction of the Holy Spirit within each of us. The responsibility lies with each of us to read. the word. And be guided by the living, breathing word. You two do not have responsibility for our choices, and you do not dictate our options. Please realize that. You are not God. These videos break my brain.

[@megamatt1915]

Jade Broadnax Amen. I'm starting to feel as if the only true Christian advice videos that should exist, especially in this topic, should only be based on scriptural evidence, not 100% personal experience. It's dangerous.

[@charityg9807]

I love this

[@JanineRupp697]

I agree with you. I also find it ridiculous that two kids think they actually are qualified as marriage counselors.

[@dh031729]

I disagree. This is their channel so it is implied that this is from their point of view. It's up to the viewer to take what applies to them.

[@sarapaxton6782]

I met my husband online, and we fell in love before we even met in person! We also knew we wanted to get married before we met in person too. After 4 months of talking on the phone, FaceTiming, or texting for hours each day he got a plane ticket FL to visit me. Three days later I bought a plane ticket to Canada to be with him, we got married a month later. Our family members thought we were insane, but here we are almost three years later still madly in love.

[@PaulandMorgan]

So cool!

[@edwinroyal9734]

That's great! I live in PA. I met my Canadian girlfriend, Rebekah, online in January. I drove six hours to meet her two weeks later and we were already talking about marriage! She's truly the love of my life! We only got to see each other four times before the border closed... can't wait for the border to open again!

[@sarapaxton6782]

Edwin Royal as the saying goes, “when you know, you just know.” I hope the borders open soon so you can see your girlfriend. Canada is such a beautiful country.

[@Deanna974]

I've actually met someone this past week...and I can see myself marrying him. It's scary, as I tend to be an anxious person and second guess myself quite a bit. But there are so many things that I've prayed for are too coincidental, and I've asked pointed questions about his relationship with God. His answers seem genuine, and I even feel challenged and encouraged to trust God, pray to God, read Scripture just talking with this person...he has been incarcerated and had a child, and we havent met in person, but..we'll see. Maybe I'll come back to this post next year with good news lol.

[@Rose-zh5xg]

@@Deanna974 how did it go?

[@dragonairbender1796]

And this is exactly the reason why the divorce rate is so high

[@allisonkrause4178]

Agreed

[@latepearson7645]

dragonair bender the divorce rate is actually low when it comes to believer such as Paul and Morgan, 16.38 in 1000 marriages. Which is 1.638% of these kind of marriages end in divorce. Compared with 2.6% in a non-Active, conservative Christian relationship. Your complaint is not with Paul and Morgan but with the world. Also, it was common practise in Jesus time to see a girl and ask her to marry you, and you wouldn't be able to see each other until the wedding day.

[@dragonairbender1796]

Late Pearson these statistics are very hard to believe seeing that 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce

[@ChristopherRyanPitts]

@@latepearson7645 Where are you getting these numbers from?

[@krystanoelll]

In a perfect world this advice would be very sound, but you two have said in past videos that we are not perfect. And I can agree with you there. However, projecting advice like this has the potential to be extremely damaging. So many people are led into abusive situations. You sort of brushed over this point, but it’s a point that needs to be discussed. An abusive and manipulative person can hide behind the facade of being loving because it’s what they’re good at. What I’m getting at is that every dating situation is different. Follow your heart and be smart.

[@jessicahiebert3482]

Thank you for mentioning this. I was abused. And thank God I got out after a year and 4 months of emotional abuse. Had I married soon into the relationship, I'd be stuck

[@kerryrose4870]

Yes, and even aside from abuse, there are so many other things you can discover about a person after marrying early that can make you realize it was a mistake. I've had outwardly happy friends confess to me how miserable they are, how they don't like their spouse, how they wish they had waited. My mom married my dad after a short time of "godly, intentional" dating and church counselling, and I won't even go into the things she found out about him after they got married, but wow it was bad. This is a lifetime commitment and I caution people against jumping into it so quickly. If a person is the right one for you, they'll still be the right one a year or two down the road.

[@SarahAgapi]

This is always true but if you listen to the Holy spirit and seek God about if this was the one he will tell you and give you discernment about bad guys. I feel like the time of dating doesn't matter if it's short or long before marriage. I would trust God and wait for his timing, everybody's life is different. I've known people who marry quickly or long it depends on the circumstances.

[@nomrs5942]

Krysta Briley exactly! Instead of shaming people for taking their time before making a life long commitment, I think we should be encouraging it! Only you and your partner know when you’re ready. Don’t let anyone else pressure you to get married sooner than when you’re ready!

[@DejahJMusic]

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:9‬ ‭

[@jarthestar4240]

I strictly remember him saying I dont want to just talk to you..or Netflix and chill but take you on a formal date. That's when I knew how cute.

[@PaulandMorgan]

Peculiar Jewel yesss love that!

[@loveleyeyes1654]

Dating is a very personal thing, some people move slow and some move fast. I went all in from our very first date and I got to know him quickly. Although we are not married, I knew he was a good fit from the first weeks together (my whole family thought we secretly got engaged) and we are still together 7 years later. Choosing to commit to your partner is what makes a strong relationship.

[@tidepodmusical4173]

Sarah Rollins you’re just living in sin?

[@aimeerose4261]

TidePod Musical Such a loving christian response right there.

[@tidepodmusical4173]

Aimee Rose a truthful response.

[@loveleyeyes1654]

@@tidepodmusical4173 I am living in an adult monogamous relationship, just like everyone did until more recent history when marriage became a "legal" thing.

[@tidepodmusical4173]

Sarah Rollins But we don’t live in the past.

[@flowerpower18100]

I would say the term they are describing is "courting", not dating. And I love this! This is what my Fiance and I did! We actually courted for 3 months and got engaged. It made a lot of sense for us, we talked about the defining factors and important things right off the bat, and we both felt the exact same - that we wanted to marry. So I completely agree with the points made in this video!

[@jessimitchell2051]

I love Paul's comment: "You choose to love somebody. You date to see, is this the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and choose to love? Is this a person that I can glorify the Lord with and that we can serve the Lord together? It's not is this the person that I have this magical love with." So true! So good for the younger generations to hear! And Morgan's Comment: "I still get butterflies sometime when I see him, but it is a different kind of love... And that was all through marriage. It wasn't through dating it was through marriage. And it was and has been such a beautiful thing that people miss out on because they date for so long and you can only love a person so much when you're dating. There's just something very beautiful and wonderful about marriage." What a beautiful way of explaining why it is important for Christians to intentionally date and not drag it on. You guys are always so inspirational. God is working through your videos and you are making such a a truthful and positive difference!

[@jjosh7707]

Sorry guys, nobody knows anybody after 4 months enough to say "FOREVER!" Respectfully that's young Christian "in a honeymoon bubble" talk. Never, ever marry anyone in the honeymoon stage which is usually within the first 4 to 6 months. I dated my wife for 2 years before I proposed and we've been together 14 years happily married. My pastor told me date long, short engagment. Only fools rush in 🙏

[@Ratone6]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! This was exactly what I needed to hear right now! My boyfriend, whom I've known for 7 months proposed to me last week, and I'm so excited to be marrying my best friend. He's an amazing guy, and I love him so much. Admittedly, however, I've had some doubts because I had this preconceived notion that I needed to date someone for a year before accepting a proposal for marriage. I said yes without hesitation, but I think I still had some doubts about whether we were ready for the next step, but your words have reassured me that every couple is different, and once you know someone and go through some life stuff together, then its okay, and maybe even good to look towards an official future together. We decided on a wedding date today, a little more than 9 months from now, and we are both so excited and happy :D Thanks again for sharing, and God bless!

[@PaulandMorgan]

RStanfield that’s so cool to hear! Praise God and congrats!

[@irenelala]

How is marriage going? 🙂

[@Ratone6]

@@irenelala our 3rd anniversary is coming up in January 😊

[@Sheepie18]

Sometimes I think the right person comes into your life at an unexpected time. I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. I’m 22 now and we started dating the last year of school. I’ve graduated and my bf will finish uni soon. In the last 5 years a lot has happened and we’ve grown up together. He’s been my rock throughout and encouraged me in my faith - joining his church in the process. We’ve made it clear to each other that we are dating intentionally but feel like financially, it would make more sense to wait until we’re both working and can save. But in the meantime it doesn’t make sense to not ‘date’ someone who I love because I don’t want to get married in 6 months

[@PaulandMorgan]

Appreciate the comment

[@meraclezz4080]

My best friend has a terrible relationship with her father. He is an alcoholic, flaming racist, emotionally abusive, etc. Her mother does not love him. I have seen his disgusting behavior time and time again. Him and his wife got engaged after 6 months. And right after they got married, he changed. I have heard him say "No one is going to want you anymore" in the context of his wife losing her virginity to him (like I said, he has completely disgusting behavior). I come from an extremely conservative religion, where even simple Sunday church is 6 hours STANDING. So of course, my church would not allow a divorce. She can't date anyone, can't untie her life from his anymore. The thing is, the longer you are with someone, the harder it is to hide your true nature for each other. Another relationship I have seen was with one of my friends. She had been dating this guy for 2 years, but a year and a half into it he started acting strange. She found out that he started dating another girl at the same time they began dating. It took my friend over a year before he began slipping up. Because to anyone else, they had one of the best Christian relationships. Apparently this man who showed her so much love didn't even look guilty when she accused him. She had brought father for protection, and he punched the smirk off her ex boyfriends face. One last tidbit is from my teacher. He said him and his wife had only dated 3 months and are still going strong 40 years later. But all of his best men and the brides maids, 6 people, have all dated their spouse for less than a year. All of them besides him have gotten divorced from that spouse. Yes it can work, but it honestly does not work well enough. Sorry to be crass, but this feels like you are thinking more with what is underneath than with your heart or with God. As if you need to rush the marriage not because you love someone, but because you want to use their body as soon as possible. Love should not be rushed into, and more importantly, MARRIAGE should not be rushed into.

[@elenahermineregal2824]

As a catholic Christian my view (and the view of the Church) is that if you are married in front of the Lord , you are not able the divorce. It is something wich is impossible because "What God bound men must not seperate". It is a sacrament. You should not be afraid of it but take it very seriously. If you go by the bible if you once get married you can never marry again (just if the other one dies). But because of this I want to do a very good preparing course with my future fiance wich will take a few months (up to one year).

[@nicolelinam176]

Amen to this video! My husband and I got married 2 years after dating. We both knew after a few months we wanted to marry, but made excuses/postponed it. At the end of engagement we agreed we should have gotten married earlier in our relationship and want to share this same advice! Along with making sure to be equally yoked and God at the center. Thanks for all you do, love you guys!

[@agirlnamedgrace3725]

I feel like there is much more of a need for a video "why Christians should wait longer before getting married!" Christians always get married WAAAAY too young and fast, they SHOULD be waiting longer!

[@Grace-pc3kn]

I think this video is extremely irresponsible- Who do y'all think your main audience is? My guess is 15-22 year olds. AKA immature young people who don't know themselves yet, nor have the capacity to know another person fully and intentionally, as you describe. You're giving them confirmation that their 4 month relationships will and should end in marriage- That is so dangerous and I don't understand why you would advocate for that

[@aliyahfriesen9725]

You guys raise some interesting points. I think for me I would still need to date someone for at least a year before being comfortable with the idea of marriage, but i do appreciate your guys's insight and thoughts. Something to ponder for sure.

[@motherabbi]

I have been a Christian for a few years, but I’m someone who still struggles with religious outlooks, and I love watching your videos. I honestly often disagree with your opinions, but it gives me the opportunity to seek God in how I feel or need to work through specific topics, but this is actually a topic I really agree with. Intentionality is important. I’ve watched people and relationships that honor God and get engaged in the span of 4 to 8 or so months, and I believe they are truly within Gods will in doing so! Thanks for sharing!

[@PaulandMorgan]

abigail estes wow we really love hearing testimonies like this! We’re glad we can be an encouragement, you don’t have to agree with everything we say, just take it before the Lord and keep seeking Him! ❤️

[@DanielFreakinAwesome2]

How is dating some "dragging it out"? Literally there is no difference between dating someone and being married, besides being allowed to bang. Just admit it guys. You just wanted to bang.

[@uuuhmanda]

I dated my now fiancé for 5 years because we weren’t financially ready for marriage. And we were too young and in college. I wish we could have gotten married sooner because physical boundaries are REALLY hard to keep when you know you’re going to get married. I get married in 2 months and I can’t wait!! Dating him was so wonderful, it just took longer then expected. Don’t regret it a bit. He’s the love of my life.

[@JazzlineV]

Hello I’d love to know more about the process! Can I reach you on social media?

[@brooklynirvin2998]

I totally agree! Me and my husband met at church and dated for 2 months, after 2 months we got engaged. 3 months after that we got married. If God sends you someone, you don’t need to wait! If you’re putting God first and your relationship is made up with God, you know if that person is the one you wanna marry or not. We’ve been married since April 27th, 2019! ❤️

[@PaulandMorgan]

🙌🙌

[@alangwhiteTheBoss]

That’s bs. Christ never married and ppl have free will it’s up to you and at anytime they can leave.

[@rosisantos1298]

Some people say you can't know someone that well in 4 months but that is because at times we choose to ignore bad things in others just because we are attracted to them.

[@ButterCookie1984]

Right. And you're definitely not going to know them if the dating phase mainly consisted of sex and Netflix.

[@heathercarr7314]

"And our answer is-" Subway ad shows up. Their answer is subway 😂😂😂

[@TheSandrapalmtree]

Great video per usual! The challenge is when one person has reached that decision in their mind in 4-6 months, but the other hasn’t yet. Even if the two are believers and are remaining pure, some individuals can be very cautious to move the relationship along to the next step due to experience from past relationships, parents’ divorce, etc. Sometimes patience is needed in situations like these! Especially if the guy is the one who’s cautious and the girl is waiting on the proposal. The question is - how long is too long to wait for that person to get on the same page? There’s no one size fits all unfortunately, since all relationships are different. In those situations, prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit is essential.

[@PaulandMorgan]

TheSandrapalmtree that’s good insight, appreciate your thoughts :)

[@Diana_Rocha]

That’s exactly what happened to me, met someone 6 months ago, he was not on the same page than me and I broke up with him. When we were 4 months into the relationship and starting to have sexual desires (we never actually did it anyways) I questioned him when he wanted to marry, he never gave me a timeline neither was consistent about talking about marriage, so because of that I decided to end the relationship but he thought I was like impatient, but I think its fair to know by 6 months his timeline. We are both Christians, so frustrating

[@PridelessChickz]

​@@Diana_Rocha Exactly, sis. Brothers gotta know: "ya snooze, ya lose"😅❤ God gave women an internal clock for a reason-- we don't have time to waste. I've got one guy I'm talking to that, I've talked to a lot, but I feel like I hardly know anything about him because he beats around the bush. I'm now finding someone else, who seems more serous & I know better, as being husband material. Men need to have a goal in mind, be in touch with God and their emotions, and know how to communicate to women properly. I pray we both get the right husband soon. God bless you in Jesus' name🙏💖

[@Diana_Rocha]

@@PridelessChickz thanks sister for your comment and prayers, I appreciate it. It has been 6 months since that breakup and by talking to other male Christians is kind of disappointing. It feels like this generation is very self centered and because of social media all friendships and relationships are so discardable. During grandma’s time men would fight on a war, be a husband and a father, provide for the whole family and study. Now men just don’t want to pay the price to have a woman, they want everything easy, due to the rise of divorces rates and so much going on, they are not willing to sacrifice for a woman. Don’t want discourage you but be alert even with Christian men, the Bible says that on the ending times it would be difficult for women to get married. I believe this is one more sign that Jesus is at the door, ending times.

[@hh-cj9gn]

I respect your opinions and think that its possible to know after just 4 months but its not wisest thing to "get married" after such a short time in most situations. Not saying people should wait 2 years but waiting longer than 4 months is the most cautious path. Women in particular have to be careful and guard their hearts. It is easy to hide your true character for 4 months during the honeymoon phase . Dating with intent to find a marriage partner and dating others who have the same intent to marry is wise though. I do think an " "engagement" after 4 months is okay though

[@hh-cj9gn]

@Eden Wild Hi , I understood that and my prior comment and opinion on the matter remains the same. Being engaged is not a light matter either .

[@collagecult]

I dated a man for 5 years and ultimately we split up. We thought the whole time we were going to end up together forever. I really think people should date for as long as feels right, it’s not about a time limit.

[@lisac4375]

Well, my parents weren't believers, but they only dated 3 months before deciding to get married. They've been married 50+ years now and had 4 kids.

[@tabbyrh978]

Yup. This is serious stuff, people!!! None of this window-shopping casual kind of dating!! You're dealing with matters of the heart and they're not to be trifled with (the matters or the people haha). I agree with you guys for sure!!! You don't need to date someone for thaaaaaat long to figure out whether or nor this the person you could see yourself marrying and spending the rest of your life with. And it's just foolish to drag the relationship out just for the status of having someone or for the fun of it if you don't see yourself with that person long-term. The Most High will make it abundantly clear one way or the other and we just need to be listening for His voice. And AAAAAMENNNNNNN!!!!!! Love is a choice NOT a feeling!! I feel like we have to keep stressing that over and over in our day and age haha Stellar video!!! Love you guys and keep shining

[@PaulandMorgan]

Tabby RH amen to all that, Tabs! Wahoo!

[@davinajones5042]

Some of you guys are getting their words twisted. They're not saying you'll know them 100% in a few months, they're saying you'll be able to gather enough basic fundamental information of who they are as a person. For example, the closer you get to a person , you won't know their character unless you talk, interact and engage with them. About a few months in you can start to depict the key necessary points of their personality. You won't need to know them 100% in those few months, but simply enough to know whether or not you want to continue the relation-ship. Even a few years into a marriage, you still won't know them 100%.

[@thisisjustarandomchannel]

I feel like 4-6 months is too short. I feel like there are somethings you cant force to come out and that that takes 1-2years at least. And Ive also seen people wait 7 years to get married and it works out. 4-6 months I think is too quick to make a lifetime decision

[@warriorandchildofgod2425]

It's based on the maturity of the couples.

[@kianaharris4707]

I agree with you 110%.. the issues is not marring early its not dating intentionally. Thank you so much and be blessed!!!

[@juliaomelko9793]

You can only “love someone so much” while dating? That’s incredibly offensive and disrespectful. If you haven’t been dating for long and then get married and therefore end up spending a lot more time together, sure you can love each other more deeply, etc. but to imply that there’s a special love accessible only to those who get married is just... wow. I can’t believe you guys said that.

[@sydneymiller5549]

I have to disagree! Everyone has a different time line. I’ve been with my fiancé for 3 years. We started dating at the end of high school and he just recently proposed! It wasn’t always easy but I’m so glad we stuck it out and I can’t wait to marry him! God is good! I understand where y’all are coming from but I just wanted to say that it’s different for everybody! And it can work both ways. Love y’all and your videos just thought I’d share my story. ❤️

[@PaulandMorgan]

Thanks for sharing, Sydney. I do believe there are unique situations where dating should last longer. We were giving a general rule. If you don’t mind me asking, were you two able to stick to your physical boundaries over those 3 years?

[@larevival4074]

Sydney Miller wow, 3 years? Has it been hard to stay pure???

[@BibliaRelevanta]

@@PaulandMorgan also here in a currently 3 years and 5 months relationship and kept the physical boundaries. When you know your principles you stick to them no matter how much time passes. Love is patient. We are getting married in 4 months, can't wait 😍💖 I have to say I understood your message: the point is to do intentional dating and only date more before marriage if you have a clear reason. For us that reason was financial stability, cuz we met so young, when I was beginning the 1st year of medicine and he was also at faculty in his second year. We knew right from the beginning we are gonna get married and only waited for the right timing for all the aspects.

[@Talegoncita]

@@PaulandMorgan Boundaries are boundaries. My christian boyfriend and I have been dating for 4.5 years, we have been living together for a while and there has been no trespassing of any kind. I mean, temptation is there but hey, respect is bigger than any temptation. Ps. I'm an atheist. But I respect his boundaries just as he respects mines

[@nomrs5942]

LA Revival why is staying pure more important than building strong long lasting relationship with each other before getting married to them?

[@nataliehalling]

I agree with most of what your saying... I agree if it's an intentional relationship your process moves faster... so you don't have to wait. I honestly would probably want to wait past 8-12 months before I really would feel 100% sure. But that's just a personal preference. Thanks P and M... love you guys... and the channel!

[@PaulandMorgan]

Appreciate you sharing, Natalie :)

[@beccamiller9929]

In the Catholic Church they ask that the couple know and date for at least 6 months and then several months of pre-marriage counseling. How do you even get a church and a venue in less than 4 months during the engagement process? Also psychologists, even Christian Psychologists would say it takes up to a year to fully know someone. I feel you can be intentional about getting married someday but being having the finances to be ready for the ring, the church, the venue, the food for your guests is not being smart. Don't you want your closest family and friends to be there without having to make cuts due to finances. If that is that case maybe a courthouse wedding is best. In my area you have to schedule a venue 2 years in advance. The wedding industry is huge in my area. As for me, my boyfriend and I discussed our intentions on the first date of dating for a purpose and leading to marriage, but as far as my career it really took a turn and involves in more education and student loans. And also not sure of the decisions involved in a huge career change. I was working toward veterinary medical school, but maybe want to go for Physical Therapy. Huge change, but my boyfriend and I are sure and the Lord has confirmed that we are to be married to each other. I know he will be my husband someday. However, due to my huge change in career in the last 6 months, at this time it not an option but we have set up like a "due-date" to be engaged by. 8 actually we had this "due-date" very early on in our relationship. We have been together for 1 year right now. I hope this is part if the exception you all were talking about.

[@danielatorres7863]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said “it’s not that they weren’t necessarily ready for marriage, but that they weren’t ready to date in the first place.” I don’t always agree with you guys, but I take everything you say into consideration and pray about it. You guys are doing great :)

[@PaulandMorgan]

😊❤️

[@emskeeeee]

I think there needs to be a preface here. I agree you can “know” within 4 months IF you are not in a spiritually broken state. I dated a sociopath who was the man of my dreams for a year and then a complete nightmare after that. Had you asked me at month 4, I would have married him in heartbeat. BUT complete honesty to myself, I had a lot of self-work to do. But Love can be blinding and your heart will lie to you. You need to be ready, not “whole” necessarily because I believe that’s an ongoing life process, but grounded and valuing yourself.

[@shannongeisler141]

Overall I agree with y’all! Some circumstances, like long distance, school, etc. can make the dating process longer. I have been encouraged by my family and community around me that “dating is not a destination”, meaning it’s intended for the purpose of moving toward marriage. With that being said, I’m 22, currently single, but I’m in a mature place where I am very open to being married within 1-1.5 years of when we started dating. I know I don’t have complete control of this and every situation is a little different, but I want to make sure I’m not wasting time and just dating to date. It’s important to me that there is purpose in it and that the Lord is molding us and directing us either toward marriage or that we would clearly know it isn’t right and end it.

[@ollielace]

This is the #1 reason why Christians are crazy. And I am a Christian. Studies have shown that you don't truly know someone until after 4 years. It's not just about knowing things about them or their personality. It's *watching* them grow and seeing how they react to changes and challenges in life. You CANNOT know this after 4 months omg.

[@nomrs5942]

O livia thank you!

[@marta6755]

Haha I wouldn't say that makes Christians crazy tho as many of us don't agree with them and it's not like it is a rule to do so. Also, I am pretty sure that in Catholic church you need to be with your partner for at least 6 months before getting married (if it is not rule than it is strongly recommanded).

[@ollielace]

Marta Kardum I know it’s not all Christians and it’s not a “rule”... I said I was a Christian too and I obviously don’t abide by this. But it is way too common in the Christian community. Most of my church friends who are married , got married within one year of dating their boyfriends. It scares me tbh

[@marta6755]

@@ollielace Oh ok. Here where I live Catholics are not getting married that soon in general. And they are usualy not that young eather; at least 23 when they get married. And none of my friends got married only year after they started dating, but were wating much longer. I knew that you were not meaning that everyone is like that, I was just thinking how usualy it is not true but obviously we live in differente places. :)

[@IshAmethyst]

I'd say at least six month dating & six month engagement, preferably with preceeding few months at least of just friendship 😊

[@Moshito_m]

I like this! I totally agree

[@blackmber]

I have had multiple opinions on this. You did point out that under certain circumstances it could be better to date longer. I want to point out a few of these. Long distance is a huge example because it’s so easy to appear differently than your true self. You also won’t have as many experiences to build familiarity, so it’s ok if you really don’t know within the first few months. When you or your partner have struggled with mental health problems or addiction, you wouldn’t want to rush into marriage without knowing how those things will affect your relationship and life together. Age may be another factor - if you’re 18 years old you might need to give yourself a bit more time to figure out what you’re really getting into compared with a 25-30 year old who has dated before and knows what they’re looking for. You also need to be ready to communicate openly. This one comes down to knowing yourself: how long do you take to get comfortable and be yourself around someone? I know I can take quite a while to open up. It’s gotten easier as I’ve gotten older, but there are still things I don’t know how to bring up or even think about with other people, and in marriage I would want to be able to talk about everything. Give yourself time to maintain relationships with family and friends while dating. There’s a lot to talk about and do with someone before you marry them, and you certainly could squeeze it into a few months or even weeks, but you might find yourself isolated from other people that used to be most important to you. These people still need you and you’re going to need them after marriage, so if you need to go slower to keep everything in balance then do it! I think this would especially apply for more introverted people, or anyone with a busy schedule in school or work. You might know after 3 or 4 months whether or not you’re compatible with someone, but the time it takes to prepare for marriage is different for every relationship. You want to see each other in a variety of situations, ranging from dates to group and family activities to everyday tasks to stressful moments. Whatever you do, listen to God and follow the path you most believe is right for you!

[@kristen6210]

guys this is such an unhealthy idea to be pushing, you don’t how your viewers your struggles or the rough patches in your marriage so you’re pushing this idea that you have a fairytale romance. then you tell your (mostly young) viewers that you should marry someone after 4 months and lead them to believe this is how they’re going to have this perfect romance. at 4 months you’re still in the cupcake phase, there’s no way you’re even going to be able to test the boundaries of your love because you see everything through rose colored lenses. there’s still so many things you need to figure out about a person after only 4 months. marriage isn’t going to fix a relationship it’s not going to make it better, marriage is a commitment you’re making to someone and when a person makes it to someone they don’t really know it can lead to extremely dangerous situations especially for young girls.

[@wildcatvxa2372]

We dated 7 months and had a 5 month engagement. So we were married at almost exactly 1 year. We have been married 23 years.

[@luv2ridetrails]

As a mature woman who didn't become a Christian until after I was married, I completely agree with everything I have heard on your videos. Sadly, my marriage ended in divorce. I can see the wisdom in what you are teaching. Blessings to you both.

[@DanielFreakinAwesome2]

DON'T RUSH INTO MARRIAGE GUYS! There is little NO reason to rush into it.

[@amarahsrabbitry1073]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 4 months. We already know more than enough to know we want to be married. The problem is that he isn’t ready. And I was/am. Therefore we are in a place that is challenging and unnatural. We went from some physical affirmation to nothing friends wouldn’t do-partly in order to make the time that passes less tempting and challenging. We’ve always felt God was leading us, but if I could change something it would be the day we started dating. I was ready to marry him 6 months in. But I expect to wait an additional at least 6 months or more from now before even engagement. Take your time to become a wife/husband before you get married. That way things won’t have to take as long-and will be allowed to flow naturally.

[@jailenekontz6688]

This video interested me because many people who want to get married in the future wonder how long to date before hand, and I personally also wonder that. However, I do not think that this video is accurate in its assertions and communicates its message in an almost condescending way. I disagree with only waiting a short time to get married because getting to know a person and if their wants for the future align to your own takes more than a few months. According to Psychology Today, "compared to dating less than one year before a marriage proposal, dating one to two years significantly dropped the future likelihood of divorce, about 20 percent lower at any given time point". This is just one study that shows that dating for longer can actually help the longevity of a relationship.

[@colleenanne360]

Do whatever's best for you and your partner. Don't live your life by other people's timelines. Do what seems natural to you. Every couple is different. What's right for you may not be right for someone else.

[@gucagigu]

TOTALLY AGREE! if you have your relationship with God and listen to Him He will guide you through the plans He has for you. Time is NOT the reason but listening to God. Thanks for being brave guys!

[@PaulandMorgan]

gucagigu good stuff!😊

[@sherecewalker5872]

Well said!! These ppl in the comments r making decisions based on how they feel not what the Lord is saying to them

[@elsasfables6353]

You two make some excellent points! However, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with dating someone for a longer period of time. Just because two people love each other doesn't mean they don't also need to mature in their financial knowledge and communication skills, among other things. I'd say, it really depends on the couple in question. What's right for one couple won't always work for another.

[@y0urlillyness]

You revealed you real reason for rushing into marriage and that is sex! That's one of the many reasons it's foolish to not have sex before marriage, and just so we're clear, it's extremely foolish to rush into marriage for sex or any other reason. But hey, best of wishes to the two of you and anyone who shares your beliefs.

[@fleurghost]

Don't you think that God would like you to get to know someone a little bit better before marrying them? I dated my ex for 3.5 years and was convinced that it was God's plan for us to get married. And now we're not together. I needed that breakup to know that my marriage to him was not God's plan. If we would've gotten married after a few months, we would've been so miserable.

[@warriorandchildofgod2425]

God prefers marriage. If they are both God centered, intentional, mature, and know then God will bless it.

[@juliafrancisco3334]

It could take much longer than 4 months for someone to show their true colours. Just because it worked out for one couple, doesn't mean that it's applicable to the general population.

[@knate44]

but like also, why not date for a longer time?

[@sarahgilbertson7463]

Because they can’t have sex 🙄

[@briannarose3033]

I started dating my first and current boyfriend in January of 2017, literally a month or so before I became a legit Christian. He claimed to be a Christian at the time too, and now, we've both matured so much since then, each with the other's help. We were dumb and desperate to rush into a relationship, and if our heads and hearts had been in a better place, we might have waited. Because we've fallen so deeply in love with each other since getting together, and there's no turning back now, but we're getting really impatient for marriage and temptation is no easy thing to combat. We have decided we aren't going to marry til I graduate high-school (soon!!) which is completely reasonable, but now we're trying to also figure out whether it'd be wise to wait til he's done with college before we marry. Because he knows his grades will fail if tries to keep a job while still in school, and I don't need the stress and pressure of being the only one working to keep us both alive. But three more years is a long time to wait and allows for plenty opportunities for temptation. We're not desperate to marry so that we can have sex, we just really love each other and want to do life together. But the more time we spend together, the harder it gets to control our bodies and save marriage like behavior for marriage, because I bet part of both of our brains somewhat think we're already there! I'm not sharing any kind of opinion, I guess I'm just sharing a struggle. We really want marriage as soon as possible, but when is that? I don't know 😔

[@marta6755]

I am really happy for you. :) The advice I would have is to pray about it and talk about it with people you trust (like priest and your parents). I belive there is no need to rush too much and that you will feel at peace when you make the right decidion. :) Good luck!

[@briannarose3033]

@@marta6755 thanks so much for your advice! God bless!

[@marta6755]

@@briannarose3033 No problem. 😊 I will pray for you.

[@haleyheeter234]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now (started dating Junior year in high school), but we’re at different colleges about an hour away (both freshman) and we both have intense majors that require a lot of hw. We’ve talked about marriage and are definitely continuing to date intentionally and plan to get married, but we think it might be better to keep dating throughout college so that we can focus on our education. I’ve been thinking about it a lot more though and this video makes me wonder about getting married sooner. I don’t know if it would be a good idea in our situation though as we’ll still be going to school an hour away everyday for the next 3 years. I’ve also heard a lot of stories of people who get married in college and essentially miss out on social aspects of college Bc they’re devoting their time to their spouse or people who get married in college and really struggle to make enough time for each other outside of classwork and jobs. And I know you guys mentioned that everyone has different situations that might call for dating longer and that living apart from each other might be one of those situations. It’s just crazy to think about waiting another 3 years and dating for about 5 years total before getting married when we’re both essentially ready for marriage now (I’m sure no one can really be completely ready for marriage as it’s a big transition, haha) or at least know that we want to get married. It seemed like you guys were mostly talking about dating after college, but what would you advise in regards to our situation?

[@larevival4074]

Haley and Lucy my son got married when he had 2 years left of college. They got an apt near campus and had fun entertaining their single friends. They also got grant money for being married.

[@deysigarcia3472]

I’m in the same situation girl! Me and my boyfriend started dating sophomore year of high school, so together going on 4 years now and go to different colleges 1 hour away from each other. We’ve talked about marriage too but until after college because we have such difficult majors.

[@melisatobing7168]

I'd say do whatever u can do first During your single time (not married yet) You can do a lot. You can have your time to gain more knowledge, college, get a career. When you're married, yes you still can do it as well, but your time will be devided into your spouse, doing things in the house, and stuff. You're still young, no need to rush into married and regret it after. Ask urself if u really ready for marriage. How about ur finance? How about your knowledge? Being a mom also need a skill and knowledge so u can teach all those experience u had. But if u had no experience, you just jump into marriage so fast, what u gonna teach to ur kids? But if you think you're ready for marriage in all if aspects, I'd say God will still bless you abundantly

[@nomrs5942]

Haley and Lucy don’t let these two know it alls make you feel bad for making decisions for your relationship. Only you and your partner know when the right time is.

[@Akikinova]

For me it's all about being in a season. I am in a relationship but my current season is living in a shared flat in my college town and being a student. I want to live in that season fully till god calls me to the next. I made it very clear in the beginning of my relationship that I would only get married during college years if God changed my heart. He didn't. I get to live near campus, enjoy time with my friends and on the weekend I see my bf. He on the other hand had the money factor on his mind. As long as he was a student he couldn't afford a wedding so he wouldn't get married. I also needed time to let him in. Lots of time. I am glad we dated for 2,5 years and going, because I told him in the beginning that even trying to propose within the first year would lead to me saying no. And if all works out: we will have years and years together

[@jessemick8436]

I concur. Four to six months is not enough time to come to a decision that’s as big as marriage. When you really think about it, it’s those relationships that don’t work out in the long run especially in this day and age. Yes you are going to learn as much about them as they are you, but it’s a matter of time.

[@michaelrojero6233]

Paul, you are such a precise communicator. You get across what you’re trying to say clearly and humbly. That’s a gift my brotha! Keep sharing it with the world! Value y’alls ministry 🙏🏼

[@michaelrojero6233]

Also, I would like to know, what kind of questions did you ask while getting to know Morgan? Maybe make a video of that list! Thank you again!

[@PaulandMorgan]

Awe that means a lot! 🙏

[@PaulandMorgan]

Go watch the video we did ‘Important questions to ask on a first date’ 😊

[@Negra_mbl]

I know a godly couple who got married after 3-4 months they met. They are still together and God was the one who put them together. I absolutely agree with you guys.

[@its_me_the_redhead]

See, the Christian idea that you should date and get married at a super fast pace might be the reason divorce rates are high even in the church. Maybe if people actually took the time to get to know each other for real and get out of the freaking cupcake stage that is the first 6 to 12 months of the relationship, people could make smarter decisions and have relationships that last longer.

[@suckmib4ll597]

I disagree bc statistics show most good marriages wait for at least 2 yrs, and you're gaslighting and saying "you didn't pray enough that's why they're not the right fit" basically. your reason for getting married is to not have sex before marriage bc Jesus said not to.

[@averynmitchell]

I love Morgan's response to identifying if you personally are ready to enter the dating scene. If you are telling yourself "I don't want to get married until I'm done with school" or "I want to travel for a year", then don't date just yet.

[@PaulandMorgan]

😊😊

[@claubit32]

Agreed!😊

[@jazzyrobot]

Wow, so much wisdom here. I agreed already to begin with that dating shouldn't have to take so long, but probably the reason the idea freaks me out a bit is because I'm not ready to date yet- not just that I'm not ready to get married! I like how you guys say stuff so directly :) I'm at the age where people are starting to ask me about whether I've met anyone yet etc. but I don't really see myself getting married in a year, and if I'm not ready, I shouldn't take that pressure. Thanks you guys :) bless your ministry!

[@larevival4074]

jazzyrobot very wise!! God will bless your patience!

[@natalienicolecomp]

I love this! 😊 I really want to hear what you guys have to say about teen dating. How long did you guys date before Paul proposed?

[@PaulandMorgan]

Natalie Roby thank you😊 We dated for 4 months and then we’re engaged for 4 months. I think that if, as a teen, you are dating intentionally with the mindset that I’m looking for my future spouse, we say go for it :)

[@nataliehalling]

Hello fellow "Natalie" Roby.... I agree with you... I'd like to see a few vids on teen dating.😁

[@boredandboring7607]

Natalie Roby Agreed Natalie, I also love watching your videos... I can watch them because of you now... thanks for inspiring me to watch them and make my own KZbin channel!! 🥰

[@musiccabin]

Hi Paul and Morgan, I loved your video and can't agree more. Actually most of my Christian friends that are married only dated a few months. I'm a bit surprised to hear the number of objections but understand where they are coming from. I think it's very important to know how to date so that you make the right judgment about a potential mate. Most of us don't have enough experience or information and made wrong choices before, and now we are scared of making the same mistake, that's why we want to date longer. But I think instead, we should be focusing on smart dating, this way, we will avoid dating wrong people or in a wrong way.

[@PaulandMorgan]

Thanks for the insight! Good stuff

[@misseli1]

That bit about holding off on dating before you have your life together was really important

[@purplepapaya5752]

Just putting it out there that I completely disagree with this entire video. You guys just completely shamed people for “ not asking the right questions” if they get abused or their relationship doesn’t workout. And Morgan said that she felt bad for people who have gone into a marriage quickly and have been abused but also said that this “advice” isn’t really for them. In addition, throughout the whole video you guys talked about how this was just you’re opinions and that it’s just just something to think about or to pray about and then shame people for not doing it. Also, there is evidence that the honeymoon phase last for up to 2 years. Lastly, what is the point of getting married so early? It sounds to me that you guys just wanted to do the dirty, but you couldn’t because it wouldn’t have been “ godly” if you did it before marriage.

[@octopus4495]

Exactly ooo you got them. 😃

[@RHG-pittsburgh2023]

thank you guys for keeping things real. please never give up. you guys do have people who support everything you guys say. and its very good advice. not everything will be popular but people. need to learn how to take it. God sees you guys and he's proud of you guys because you 2 effect so many lives. including mine thanks and i love you 2. paul and Morgan👍👍🙏

[@redridingsheeb1777]

People like you restore my faith in humanity. There is hope, and the world is not going to hell, haha. XD Not that I'm prejudging people, well, you know what I mean.

[@partylisttrinistyle]

I totally agree with the 4mth time frame it's exactly what i do, and i know a couple in chucrh who got married after 3 mths after consulting God and they are still married 45 yrs later. Consulting God is the key.

[@nancimartin3276]

I respect your opinion and I'm so glad that worked for you but I want to provide another perspective. I'm an intensely loyal person and I've stayed in bad relationships longer than I should have. Dangerous situations have lead me to cling to the wrong people because it was the safe option. With a family history in domestic violence, I'm cautious. By the grace of God, I'm in a better place now but I can't ignore my past for my own safety and mental well being. I hope you can respect my opinion too.

[@AudreyPerry]

Can you know after 4 months? Sure. But I think it's extremely unwise (and shows your own lack of life experience) to promote it as a way of doing things. Dating intentionally doesn't mean you have to seal a certain commitment in just a few months. You're making a false black/white situation here - either someone is dating for "fun", or something is dating intentionally.

[@nomrs5942]

Audrey Jane yes, they’re giving awful advice.

[@marta6755]

Yes, thank you! Getting married is maybe the biggest life decision and there is no need to rush it.

[@kristi9727]

I agree with you both so much. My husband and I dated 2 years before getting married. We knew we wanted to get married and never actually did it. I wish we would’ve gotten married when we knew we wanted to because after the hard times we got confused if we should or not. So the enemy used that to try to get us to not be together. But we did what we felt was right and got married. Now that we are married we feel more connected to each other and more importantly are not living in sin. But at the same time It’s not easy. Us newly weds are figuring things out and learning together. Also I wanted to tell you guys thank you for your videos I’ve watched for almost a year now and y’all are so helpful and encouraging. Love y’all God bless.

[@theredhead1900]

What if people want to wait for marriage after university, to make sure the financial part is solid? (The highest reason for divorce are financial problems)

[@larevival4074]

I would recommend to wait to start dating until you are ready to get married. Good idea to be financially stable first

[@nomrs5942]

LA Revival sometimes you meet someone and you fall in love but are still not financially stable enough to get married. Love is not something you can plan for. But you should definitely take time to plan for marriage once you’ve decided you want to marry someone. It’s okay to wait.

[@Bea94Spacca]

Totally agree with what was said, with intentional dating you'll know straight away within 4-5 months if you want to progress the relationship and also is important to pray about it every single day. It's been true that you need to take into considerations time, whether your studying and are financially stable etc but also learnt how time is precious so I wouldn't start something that I won't be able to finish until I am 100% confident about it or if obviously I am led spiritually. God bless you two x

[@Black-Swan-007]

I've so many things to say, but I think I'll leave it up to Mr. Atheist. He is far more eloquent than I.

[@allisonsimmons2997]

same, still waiting lol

[@kacapers2]

This video was so comforting to me... I met my (now) fiance a little under a year ago. We were friends for a few months, dated for 3 months till we got engaged, and then we are getting married this August. He is a Godly man and leader, and we have walked with the Lord for every step of our relationship. My family completely flipped out because of how fast it was (we had my parents blessing, but my siblings were skeptical). I truly believe that if you are dating a person in the right way and getting to know their heart, you can know if you should marry them or not fairly quickly. Thanks for this video 💕

[@PaulandMorgan]

Welcome!