Why Does Grief Hit So Hard At Night? 😳

[@yokimawhittaker5193]

I have to make myself get out of bed most times. I just don't have the zeal for life. I'm usually preoccupied in my thoughts. I've lost motivation. I'm still trying to adjust to this new normal and it's hard.

[@MADELENEC1]

AS NIGHT TIME STARTS I FEEL THIS SLIDE DOWNWARDS AND THE GRIEF STARTS TO INCREASE😥

[@lisapace4155]

Journaling was helpful to get all my thoughts and emotions down in the evening, even if they were raw. Gave myself permission to rest after journaling.

[@chloelavender9964]

😊❤

[@Prettymapleleaf]

Thank you so so much for this video. I lost my partner Glenn 3 months ago and the nights are absolutely the worst. It’s so so quiet. I really appreciate you speaking about this and giving such wonderful advice, it made me feel less alone. I will be trying several of these.

[@craftygirl17]

Yes the silence bothers me to, and makes me think to much.

[@dijanasajic1957]

Child loss /no words to express the horror and the anguish/. In the most horrible times, I would have psalms or Jesus prayer audio recordings play whole night, very low sound. (the first year). Grief strikes as well as insomnia even 10-11 years later. In the night, I use prayer - I pray in bed (for, now I am stronger and not so consumed with grief, and if it lasts too long, I play the recording again). also I happen to know about the vagus nerve due to a tachicardia (rapid heart-beating) problem I used to have. My doctor explained briefly and said "press your eyeballs to stimulate the vagus, i.e. to stop tachicardia". So I use that trick during night. When I feel I can't fall asleep, I put a small cushion (the lightest I have) on my eyes, it usually works.

[@judithwallace2091]

Get your rest at all costs. Everything else will be ok. Rest, do self care, eat healthy. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

[@kathleenburke4728]

I lost my only daughter 4 months ago. The trouble with my sleep is that I fight going to sleep. My daughter and I spent almost every evening together watching her favorite shows. Now she is gone and I am alone. Journaling at night is also very hard for me as I always end the journal with saying to her “I am sorry” and I say this because I am 70 and she was only 46. Granted she was very ill and on a ventilator so this was expected, but to kiss her good night on April 7th and then the next morning find her unconscious…she had died. I just can’t get this out of my head or heart that I have in some way failed her….

[@SuzanneKirshPianist]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter. Have you tried journaling in the morning?

[@lindajohnson9282]

Dearest Kathleen, please don’t feel that you failed your daughter. Like the rest of us, you are nothing more than a mere mortal. You may not have had control over life and death but you had control over what we mortals can have some control over, i.e. the physical care and love you gave her, as well as having birthed and raised her. I don’t know if this will be of any comfort to you but I watched both of my parents die, in 2008 (January and September) and, all these years on, I still feel as thought I’d failed them. I could have been a much better daughter, but I was only mediocre at the job… although I was there for them both at the end. I grieve their loss every day. One thing that may be of help to get you to sleep is Solfeggio healing music. There are literally thousands of them available to you in KZbin; just find ones that make you feel calm and relaxed (some may make you feel ill or just not quite right… so you know they’re not right for you). Play the music just loud enough to hear, allow yourself to cry yourself to sleep if need be, but you’ll soon be able to stop the waterworks and let the frequencies do their thing. It may take a while for you to notice a difference, but I swear by these sleep tracks. I feel your pain although I don’t know you or your situation. But I am also a mother and I cannot conceive of your grief. All I can do is send you my most heartfelt sympathy (and empathy). I wish I could wave a magic wand and make the hurt disappear. Sending you much love 🙏🏼❤️

[@josephfox682]

My father passed 8 yrs ago…. I completely lost my ability to sleep or even nap. After 18 months of little to no sleep (and ran around all day long!) I eventually had to see a doctor, as I couldn’t see straight. I started sleep meditation, as well as I had to get on meds for sleep. I can not express how important sleep is.

[@grieftherapist]

I have spent many hours in the dark with Grief, staring at the ceiling..... wish I had known to try these things... Let me know if you are going to try any one of these tips in the Comments!! 🙏🏻

[@jn3098]

You are so on the money. Afternoon and nights without my love is killing me. My wife was everything I’m nothing now

[@MarionAElkey]

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my weighted blanked 💕

[@biondna7984]

I'm definitely struggling with chronic fatigue and disturbed sleep. It's year two since my beloved mate's death from Alzheimer's. I was his sole caregiver for five years, after two years of taking over everything legal, financial and physical so I could just take care of him. So it's been seven years of this and while my blood panels and doctors show my adrenals are healed and everything else looks good, I still get tired SO fast. This isn't the regular me. I'm wondering if she'll ever come back. I'm 69 and while I take the best care of myself I ever have, and have begun "to dip my toe in the dating game again," I wonder with this ongoing reduced energy, if I'm dismissing my own stress. What I'd like to improve as soon as I can is my dependence on digital media at night. I've stopped turning on the news when I can't sleep - makes it worse - now I put on KZbin sound videos that are composed to encourage sleep. I turn the laptop lid as far down as I can to reduce the light emission, face it away from me, and keep the volume low. It does help me relax and get back to sleep, but it's still electronic media.

[@dredwardchisnall1017]

I am not going to be able to go on watching you at present, dear lady. I am such a mess, my emotions verge on the intolerable, I am without anyone else and don’t want to impose myself on anyone else. I will go out of my way to hide anything resembling emotion. Places we used to go to, photographs, church, friends? There are none. Everything brings me intense pin. My appetite has vanished. I suffer increasingly from diverticulitis. I neither smoke nor drink. I am waking up 4 or 5 times a night. It is only with the greatest difficulty that I force myself to go out buy a bit of something, biscuits, anything, sit alone in a cafe, come home again and see my wife and our beloved little dog everywhere. It is not life at all and I see no way out. I am 80 and my wife was 83, and I cred for her with very little help for five years, and symptomatic disorders before that. I just have nothing left. Nothing I want to have left. I dislike myself intensely and am lower than I have ever been, approach rapidly the point of no hope at all. Sorry. Edward.

[@dredwardchisnall1017]

Cared, I cared for her, cleaning, cooking, dressing, undressing, admin of meds, unable to look after our pet and I probably lied to myself about that. Shopping, planning, finances, vascular dementia and her vanishing in front of my eyes. Nothing I did was any good, a stair life, trying to make life more comfortable for her, nice things to nibble, keeping her warm, hydrated, it was Lao useless and ineffective. She looked at me and she knew she was going away. I am so unhappy. Edward

[@mottthehoople693]

how are you feeling now?

[@bellinthetree8949]

@@mottthehoople693 Trying to establish routines of hope. I am creating in my imagination a ‘safe and welcoming’ ethos based on my dreams. This is or these are scenarios I can go to when I feel trapped in a downward spiral. At times I am still so low that I could leave everything behind, but I do see glimmers of a warm, welcoming light ahead, thank you.

[@mottthehoople693]

@@bellinthetree8949 hello Ito give you the short version my wife of 35 years died suddenly 8 months ago out of the blue sudden heart attack I made the decision to turn the machines off and I watched her die. A little while later my little dog that had been my baby for 21 years died, before my wife died my dad died of dementia......My life is a black hole and it only gets worse at night. When I read you post I felt sad for you. I had a dream the other night and my wife was in bed with me .I snuggled up to her like I used to do,got up for a pee like all us blokes do and I looked for her, I had forgotten, Then It hit me I was just shattered all over again........I've got a load of baggage regarding death,workmates that have been killed and I was the one each time (3) who recovered what was left of them with the mining company not giving a damn...you miners are tough get back to work...motorcycle accidents where mates were killed right in front of me....all of them come back to me in vivid detail every night....My wife and my little dog were just the icing on the cake...

[@MichelleBrown-mk7np]

I often use the bed for relaxing and thinking not so much of grieving but to sort things out in my mind and sometimes this helps me in dealing with my grieving journey.

[@Jo-im6iz]

Thanks Jo. I had to get sleeping tablets on and off as inquest/anniversaries too much. Sometimes I've gone to work with little sleep. Playing meditative u tube clips helps. Sometimes not trying to get to sleep but reverse psychological of "I'm going to stay awake all night" helps. Currently having spell of sleeping too much. Sending love to all 🙏😊😴xx

[@lisapace4155]

And Valerian capsules are excellent, inexpensive and non-addictive...help to calm the nervous system down so you can sleep more deeply.. check with Doctor of course, but I'm not aware of any contra-indication...

[@kayebyatt3855]

Thank you Jo. I will take all advice to heal the loneliness and sleeplessness I experience Radio/ gentle music during night, Warm milk, honey and nutmeg helpful too.

[@jennifershort3104]

I tend to wake frequently at night (a holdover as a caregiver). I rarely recall my dreams, but now and then I wake from a bad dream crying and wondering what it was about. More often than not I am aware of my mom's presence during such dreams, but I don't see her. I don't know if her presence is why I survive the catastrophic thing that is happening, but I wake up just in time. Most often I have no trouble getting to sleep. I just don't stay asleep. Chamomile tea often helps. Now, I have a prescription version of Benadryl that I take when I'm really congested or extremely restless. It's a last resort when I need rest and it's not happening any other way.

[@lorrainehood3787]

The timing of this video is almost surreal Jo as the one year date of my Mom's passing approaches..May 7th. For the last month I feel like I can't get up despite feeling as though I slept. Morning's have always been my energizer time of day. I've been consciously doing gratitude practices at bed time. 2 things I am grateful for each day. This helps me focus on the positive at the end of my day. A small prayer as well. Your video has given me the get up get moving in the morning feeling. Tonight I will be grateful for you 💕🙏

[@grieftherapist]

Lorraine, the one year mark always brings up triggers and challenges. Thank you for your kind words. I am grateful for you as well. ❤️

[@rw4754]

My heart at night feeling like it is being squeezed, and other times the anxiety is so intense if feels like a pigeon trapped in my ribcage beating its wings to escape. Ruminations & wretchedness.

[@marlenehall9255]

Thank you for the hand accu-pressure technique, Jo. Not only did it get me to sleep last night, it also got me back to sleep whenever I awakened during the night. What a difference it made in my outlook this morning when starting the day.

[@l.u.5862]

I've been having a hard time sleeping at night. Tried a few different things naturally. Tried meditating - it helps to an extent. Do you all any suggestions?

[@AwakeWeStand]

The sadness in your voice is resonating with me. Thank you for your videos. I lost my father last week 10 July 2024 😔

[@Kay-pb8tm]

This is such an important topic. As i was nursing my Husband in his last days at home i was waking to take care of him every hour, so i didn't sleep. That's the trauma i revisit in the quiet of my now different life and especially in the night. Medication helps but i don't want to be reliant on it.

[@marilynnpicciotti1254]

Exactly the same!

[@lindajohnson9282]

My darling, late Mother was a very wise woman… one of the reasons why I miss her so much. She always used to say, “It’s always darkest before the dawn; everything always seems worse at night, but it doesn’t seem quite so bad in the daylight.” I dare say that old saying became an old saying for good reason and my darling Mum wanted me to understand that because, as you very well point out, grief is one of the few things (other than death) that we are guaranteed to encounter at some stage of our lives 🙏🏼

[@franceslunceford9501]

I know why that's when you're channeling.❤

[@marciaclegg6005]

Every night I sit on my bed a sob I have no problem falling asleep, and staying a sleep. After sobbing for a hr. I fall asleep. I also I sob in the shower

[@Lisa-ek7bm]

Me too, I cry in the shower and at night. I don’t sleep much, I’m so sad, I miss her😢

[@SoniT]

I can fall asleep fine but my issue is that I wake up around 3 or 4 in the morning and really feel the grief. My mind just thinks about the loss and I feel so sad.

[@marilynnpicciotti1254]

Yes, that is what happens to me.....every night!

[@wadeharris6002]

I have the same. I need something to help me get back to sleep. Anyone have suggestions?

[@MadMax-vy9hk]

What do you do when you’ve lost your soulmate my end of the day partner who also was my mother I’m injured cannot work my mind constantly thinks of her and the nights are worse too but the mornings are too because I have nothing to get out of bed for now and I struggle to get out of bed anyway because of the infection in my spine that I’ve had for two years. I’m scared that I’m on the last thread I don’t know how much more I can take. There is worse of people in the world I still have a roof over my head by the father I live with but no relationship with And he is impossible to talk to eyelike my mother I’m sick of forcing the conversation.

[@eftsoulpath333]

Great video. EFT Tapping has saved my life. At night, as I lay awake, I imagine touching the points as I breathe. Very calming

[@grieftherapist]

Wonderful suggestion regarding EFT. I use it frequently and shall explore making a video about this. Thank you.🙏🏻

[@sharonlujan9497]

I have a cat and he really helps/

[@donnachatterton6298]

Can’t hear you very well.

[@annadent4328]

Sleep is very important since I have to work so early. I lost my husband two months ago and was his caregiver. Sleep is always a struggle. Thank you for the tips.

[@kimberlyjonasen1215]

How can I work with you one on one ?

[@craftygirl17]

Thank you Jo for this, I have trouble sleeping, grief sure does hit in the evening. I have a lot of grief, my mom, my moms husband, they were together for about 20 years married six of those years then mom died in 2015 and Ray died 2021, then my brother in laws died 2018 and 2022. It’s been really hard to much death. Sleep has been my biggest problem.

[@susygibson5673]

I think this was probably valuable. But couldn't hear. I can hear her others.

[@joandias7400]

I just lost my brother may 20. I’m still numb

[@kimberlyjonasen1215]

I lost my brother on Father’s Day . It is so hard

[@carolmusselman8859]

I hope you are doing better day by day, my mom passed away 5/1/22, today she would've been 89, I miss her so much

[@kimdespain2590]

After my wife died I got into model trains, guns, cameras and other bad things. Addictions that were not drugs, booze, tobacco. It cost me money and sanity. Watch out for other addictions. When a trauma hits you.

[@pigletsbank437]

I water the plants outside as part of the nighttime routine, and stay out a bit to enjoy my surroundings, same time every night then I light a candle for my loved one , close curtains, eat some plane (no sugars or fruit) yoghurt or quark as a filled stommage is relaxing and protein tence to kalm down the body. brush my theeth with little light on. Put on a sleep meditation, my sleep mask and turn of the light

[@maryharrington3404]

Four months now, since he died. I sleep with the light on in the next room. I do appreciate your advice. I cannot think. I am trying to proofread a textbook I have written and just cannot do it now. Just guess I have to wait.

[@matthewmcdermit8744]

This video increases my understanding of what all has been going on.

[@sharonlujan9497]

this insomnia feels like it is going to kill me.

[@wadeharris6002]

I feel same

[@susygibson5673]

😢sorry cant hear

[@grieftherapist]

I don't know why this happens sometimes Susy...make sure the volume is turned up on your computer AND on the video itself..KZbin has a little volume slider on the bottom left of the video. I am trying to also put closed captions on all my videos. Thanks for watching. 🙏

[@robwarren6729]

So helpful. Thank you Jo for what you do.

[@graceprais9814]

Thank you.

[@beatleme2]

You mention the Bach sleep rescue remedy, does, Bach rescue remedy help with grief ?

[@grieftherapist]

I have used Rescue Remedy in MANY situations...yes when Grief leaves me feeling panicked or outside of myself I have found it helpful. ❤

[@myrnahernandez6244]

I used zquill for months otherwise I got no sleep. It’s been 1 immensely painful year since I lost my only adult son/child. My concentration levels have definitely changed, it’s scary at times 🥹🥲😇💔💔