Why I’m child free + addressing all hate comments

I’m voluntarily child-free, let’s talk about it.
In this video, I address all of the hate comments I see directed at the child-free community and myself.
PLEASE BE NICE IN THE COMMENTS:
1. I’m human and I’m sensitive!
2. We’re all allowed to have different views and I 100% respect that you may disagree with mine
3. If I offended you, I sincerely apologize. My goal is simply to share my personal views, not to offend anybody or be controversial
Timestamps:
00:00 Why I don’t want to have kids
00:34 Reason 1
01:24 Reason 2
02:04 Reason 3
02:45 Reason 4
03:24 Reason 5
04:54 Reason 6
05:50 Responding to all hate
15:05 A public apology
❤️ 1:1 Coaching:
thedeannedennis.com/work-with-me
❤️ Buy Me a Coffee:
buymeacoffee.com/deannedennis
Tags: childfree, voluntarily childfree, child-free lifestyle, no kids, choosing to be childfree, childfree by choice, living childfree, childfree life, no children, addressing hate comments, dealing with criticism, lifestyle choice, not having kids, childfree community, responding to negativity, explaining childfree, childfree explained, family planning, voluntary childlessness, childfree debate, life without kids, alternative lifestyle, fulfillment, happiness, joy, unconventional living, non-traditional lifestyle, living differently, lifestyle choices, alternative life choices, non-conformist, breaking norms, unique lifestyle, alternative paths, off the beaten path, intentional living, minimalist lifestyle, sustainability, eco-friendly living, alternative communities, counter-culture, alternative ways of living, simple living

[@DingoTheDemon]

"You're right, I am selfish, and that quality would make for a bad parent, I'm glad we agree."

[@deannedennis]

Amazing comeback!

[@A_Muzik]

These scenarios are selfish 1. Having a baby because you are lonely 2. Having baby to have someone who will love you unconditionally. 3. Having a baby to try to keep your partner in a relationship with you. 4. Having a baby to try to save your failing relationship/marriage. 5. Having a baby because you want a bloodline, 6. Having a baby because you confuse legacy with lineage. 7. having a baby because you want a mini-you. 8. Having a baby in the hopes they will clean your bedpans for free when you get old.

[@deannedennis]

PREACHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[@ennuiblue4295]

YT asked me to review your comment, I gave it an 'excellent' 🏆

[@pipalittle5216]

It’s such a shame that we’re JUST NOW starting realize that these are terrible reasons to have children.

[@AmyMichelleMosier]

The irony of #2 is that if you want all those other things, then you the parents obviously have conditions and it often doesn’t work.

[@rebeccamurphy4695]

Childfree Bingo!! I'm 54, never changed my mind, married for 35 years, no regrets.

[@deannedennis]

Thank you for sharing! It's so affirming and confirming to hear other people's stories

[@jenniferparker7588]

Having kids is actually the most selfish thing one can do.

[@deannedennis]

I agree! I originally said that in the video but then I cut it out lol. I think especially considering overpopulation and climate change. If you really wanted to be selfless, you wouldn't have kids in order to protect the greater good of the planet. Having kids despite all of that is the most selfish thing I can imagine

[@jenniferparker7588]

@@deannedennis I absolutely agree!

[@mindfulmaximalism]

so dumb

[@jenniferparker7588]

@@mindfulmaximalism having kids? Yes it is

[@Protect-Privacy]

I’m 50. Not having children was the BEST decision I ever made. I knew around age 12 that I had no interest in motherhood, and I’m glad I never bowed to societal expectations.

[@claravignaud8119]

When you ask people who have kids why they did, they give very selfish reasons as well.

[@deannedennis]

Such a good point!

[@emrysaki]

I’m 36 and here from the future to say being childfree is still great 👍

[@deannedennis]

🎉 Thank you!

[@lovethyneibor22736]

"Not only is it very SELFISH but also EXTREMELY SICK to wish for your kids to witness your death or the process of your demise. I want to spare my kids from having to deal with all the stress and sadness that a human being can experience while watching how their own parents are dying, Therefore I decided to have no kids." ― David Benatar

[@ozzycortes]

Childfree is the way to be.

[@mbalenhleqwabe]

Amongst other things, the fact that life is just full of pain and suffering, is what made me have the mindset i have about having kids.

[@wellwithmonia]

I don't want to be a super hero. I just want to have a peaceful life 😂😂😂

[@resident133]

I'm a 24 year old man. My family expected me to have kids super young, but I knew since I was a kid myself I never wanted them.

[@LynIsALilADHD]

"I dont want someone to need me like i need my mom." Every bit of this!!!!!

[@KittymoreJoy]

I am child free as well. Heard all that as a child and teens. I told my parents by 6 , that if I did get married, I would not have kids. I realized early that I was not programmed right mentally to be a good mom. I have been a cat mom for many years and that fulfills me. Also, some medicinal issues I did not want to pass on. s a Woman, this is being self aware of my limitations. I was constantly challenged by peers, I just ignored them. They did not live in my body and mind and the issues I had to deal with. Yes, I never had any urge or want to have children, so I did not. Yep, I am selfish to an extent. So what. My non-being children are not being hurt, because they do not exist. Yes, it got to be annoying when you are always being questioned on your decision. I know one friend was sorry she got pregnant twice and really did not enjoy motherhood but was stuck now, she apologized to me. I told her it was not a problem for me. She felt like she did what was expected, get married, must have kids. I have heard the whole book of why, why, why not. Not all humans are the same or want the same. I think motherhood is a sacred calling. I am an Auntie, talks a village to help raise a child. I am part of that community. At 67, I still stand by my decision.

[@deannedennis]

Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤

[@jennyperpa5302]

One important thing Ieaened, from observation, it to never compromise on being child free. Especially if you're female. If a man discovers he doesn't like fatherhood, legally, he can dip anytime. Women don't have that same freedom.

[@moonyjuli]

i feel SO REPRESENTED. I'm 22, decided sometime ago that i dont wanna have kids. i dont want the responsibility, i dont want the pregnancy-childbirth-postpartum pain and suffering, i dont need to have a child to take care of me when im older the most painful thing is that I'm an only child and my mom would love to have a grandkid, which i feel really sorry for, but she's not the one that'll need to take care of this new person for the rest of her life... anyways, great video! ❤

[@deannedennis]

I’m so happy I could be a voice for you! People are going to tell you you’re too young to be sure, but I was saying I didn’t want kids from my early 20s too. The crazy part is, there are many people in their early 20s who are parents already. So apparently it’s okay to decide you do want to have kids at that age, but not okay to decide you don’t lol. It doesn’t make sense!

[@carolkinnunen]

I don't understand why people keep questioning others in such a private matter. Society makes it very clear that a kid is 100% your decision and your responsibility, but when you decide you don't want, they it's everybody's business! I'm sorry you have to go through this, it must be annoying, as a person and as a woman, because apparently this is a gender thing (never seen any guy having to justify themselves so much for not wanting kids). I am a mom, my son is 2 and it is really hard. I would never judge you for not wanting

[@deannedennis]

Very valid point about gender! It definitely feels like men don't get judged as much for not wanting kids. I can only assume that's because women are stereotypically seen as the child-bearers and homemakers. Thanks for being judgement free, I really appreciate anyone who hears me out without judgement ❤

[@ItsSageof]

When people call me selfish, I just say,"You just call me a fish!?" Lol

[@Protect-Privacy]

2:52 You’re right! Parents do not sell parenting!!! 😂😂😂

[@sandragruszka4544]

thank you! i'm 22 and i DO want to adopt in the future but my family can't accept that... can't imagine how much pressure someone who has chosen to be childfree has to feel constantly

[@deannedennis]

Ultimately you've got to do what's best for you, and hopefully your family will come around to it in the future

[@sirennoir258]

I know this is going to sound terrible but you won't know until you are in your 30s if you don't really want kids. 22 is still young. You may be 100 percent sure and will never give birth. However the overwhelming majority of women get baby fever. The drive to have children is very strong and defies all logic. So what can you do? Well understand that you are in the minority and young right now and no one thinks you are a bad person. From now on, everyone will bother you to get married and have children. That is how it is. Water is wet, grass is green and your Aunties and parents expect children.

[@JustanotherYoutuber771]

@@sirennoir258At 22 we’re expected to choose our career path etc. but you’re telling me at the same time we’re too young to choose not having children? If it “defies all logic” should it really be encouraged? Shouldn’t such a huge decision be made from a point of logic and understanding instead of out of an impulse? If you regret it not only will you suffer but so will the child. I know plenty of miserable moms, many of them even actively having wanted to become moms from a very young age. And no one gets to expect anything from us, we don’t owe them sacrificing our body and wellbeing to pop out a child they won’t even be taking care of but just occasionally visiting.

[@whatshouldinamemyself215]

omg that one person. I find it so disrespectful to say adopted children aren't your REAL children. and that whole 'baby fever' line of argument is just bizzare and creepy

[@sirennoir258]

@@whatshouldinamemyself215 you mean that the innate biological drive have children is bizarre?

[@ThePovertyPear]

If someone comes with the comment “who’s going to take care of you when you’re older“ The question to ask them is how many children today are taking care of their elderly and is it a rising or an declining number? How many children are even taking the time to visit their grandparents or parents every week?

[@deannedennis]

Exactly

[@ArtistUnknownOfficial]

I can finally breathe. I'm 24 and don't want children. Both my parents and my in-laws are extremely offended and are in disbelief. There's no crazy reason I opted out, and that's what pisses people off... My husband and I know what we want as goals, and raising children isn't part of it. No grand excuse needed. Much respect goes out to the parents though, I absolutely love my parents and am happy to care for them as they age. It'd be hard to do that part with children too since both my parents are seniors now.

[@deannedennis]

I love that you and your husband both have clarity on what you want! Your parents and in-laws will learn to make peace with it eventually

[@user-xu6rj5un3j]

I admire anyone that is willing to put themselves out there and talk about this topic. When I was 25 I felt like I dont want to have a kid. I am 38 now and still feel the same. The right choice would feel peaceful to you regardless of what people say. Thank you for talking about this.

[@deannedennis]

❤

[@allie54774]

I have 2 kids and I never understand why people who choose not to have them get so much hate. I certainly don't expect my kids to have kids when they're older, if they don't want to.

[@human_no847]

It's really disgusting the way some people make critical remarks about such a private matter as not wanting kids. I think it's probably coming from people who base so much of their identity on being a parent that they can't even conceive of someone who doesn't think like them i.e. it's projection. Embarrassing for them really. People don't make a big fuss over people who don't want pets, people who don't do X or Y so why so invested in what a woman does with her uterus?

[@deannedennis]

1000000%!

[@Haferkoko]

Thanks for speaking up on this important issue! I am a childfree guy in North Italy and it's hard to find understanding people when all around me are parents.

[@JW-vi2nh]

As always, I feel like all the negativity from parents or the non-childfree boils down to jealousy. Pure and simple. Have you ever heard someone accuse someone of "rubbing it in my face" over something they wouldn't be jealous of? Who would say something like "You lost your job today and don't know how you'll afford to even eat now? Don't rub it in my face!" No one. You accuse people of "rubbing it in my face" when you are jealous and feel like they are bragging, knowing you are in a worse off or lesser situation than they are.

[@deannedennis]

EXACTLY!!!

[@sjcobra84]

Male. Gen Y. single, unmarried and childless. My Reasons. 1. The world is a trash fire. 2. Product of divorce. Seen a lot of divorce, failed marriages, family history on both sides is comprised of drinking culture and domestic violence. 3. Seen alot of deaths. Parents bury their children. I've even gone to the funerals of schoolmates. 4. Fear of divorce / Fear my offspring will advance my in death / Fear of being a shit dad, shit husband, shit family man. 5. I'm a semi hermit that lives and fights for himself. 6. I trust no one. 7. Such is life.

[@Dorothys88]

Yes to all this 👏👏👏 Just turned 36 and my husband and I are still happy with our choice to be child free. The only thing that makes me feel uncomfortable or bad at times are peoples perceptions and comments, but I love our life. I also love that we get to be there for our nieces and support the parents around us that little bit more because of our time freedom.❤

[@joelprince4170]

I am a childfree myself. I don't blame you for not wanting to be a mother it's alot emotional physical and mentally by becoming a mother your giving up your individuality and freedom and also peace of mind. being a mother is one of the hardest jobs on planet earth.

[@user-en4xl2hr3z]

the sleep depravation, maintaining relationships with parents of friends and feeling of responsibility for the rest of your life, even if the child is an adult are the main reasons why i don't want to have childen. if i would have them, i'm sure i would be a good mum, but i would be sooooooooo unhappy. and if someone say"who will take care of you when you grow old?" well, i know plenty of stories, when child go abroad, and thats it. thats your companionship as old man. sorry for my not great english :)

[@deannedennis]

I feel you!

[@Factorum...]

My conspiracy theory about the ppl who say "you're selfish" to a person who doesn't want children, is that it's projection. They are unsatisfied with being parents, and get upset when they see a childfree person existing or being happy.

[@deannedennis]

Yupp. To me that's less of a conspiracy theory and more of a solid fact lol

[@blkkh9517]

Beyond being childfree or having children (or adopting children), I'm happy to live in a time where we have CHOICE ! Or, at least, we are living in contries where we can choose. I'm so sorry some people are disrespectful with the childfree way of life. It's unfair, we should be lead our life as we want without being patronized. And some are forgetting how misérable is a life when parents did not wanted to have a child. I know about it, trust me.

[@blkkh9517]

*we should be free to lead*

[@Davidjackman572]

totally agree. 40 years old here and no kids😃

[@seltzermint5]

I knew at 14, now 47 and zero regrets! People started to believe me at 22 when I broke an engagement over this topic. People in my personal life stopped bugging me by 26. Strangers still sometimes bug me about it, even in my forties. You just gotta let it roll off and stand very confident in your own choice. It becomes less annoying as time goes on, in my opinion, the people pressuring you start to seem pathetic and naive.

[@deannedennis]

100%, I don't think the bugging and questioning will ever stop, but my views on the people questioning me are definitely evolving

[@Sjudit84]

I remember how sad I felt for my own mother, when I realized at about 12 yo that she hasn't had anything else going for her except being "Moooooooooom" every damn day. She was a stay at home mom due to us being so sick with my bro all the time. The first time I saw her being herself, an individual, a woman, a human, was when she went back to work when I was about 14. I realized I don't even know who she is as a person, I just know her as my mother. I felt selfish that we kept her for so many years at home, to be "just" a mom, and let me tell you, she was the person who wanted to be a mom all her life. But even then it was hard for her to lose herself in the process. Btw all my life I have been known as my father's daughter, bcs he is known in the community, so I have always felt like I am not my own person. SO I get what you mean with not wanting to be like just a mom of xyz. 83 million people born per year???? :O And how many are dying per year? This seems like a crazy number!!!! :O I agree with all your points. I am currently living in a new country and for me it was easy to pack my stuff and move somewhere, but imagine with a family...When I was a kid I always wanted to be alone, was always happy if my family went somewhere without me and I had the house all to myself (Home Alone anyone? :D). Now in my own house I love the organized living I have, that I fought so hard for to achieve and to be able to afford, have my home away from all the chaos and drama of the world... Talking from my own experience, if one of my friends died and their kids were alone, I would for sure step up and adopt them and do all I can to provide a life for them, bcs I hate suffering, especially seeing kids suffer unnecessarily. Plus I don't need to have a DNA connection to a kid to have feelings for them. This is why I had a thought in the past about adopting, bcs there are so many kids in the world, who are already here and why not try to make their lives better? But then my country's government made such strong rules about who can adopt and who cannot that I basically wasn't eligible anymore. I took it as a sign. Whenever I visit my friends with kids, I am so happy for them and I keep asking them about their kids and they like me and all that, but I am always happy to return home to my own life and would feel so bad about doing the same things they do on a daily basis, if I had to do this for years and years too. I know they get the love with it too, but for me, it just doesn't balance out the hardships and chores of motherhood. Two of my grandparents died in hospice and it wasn't us who took care of them (we weren't able to handle the amount of pain they had and we weren't medical professionals). Just saying. One died in her sleep. One is still alive, so...But generally, you cannot predict how much someone will need to be taken care of when they are old, so...just to have kids for this... Plus you don't even know how long you're gonna live, so what if I have kids and then I die in 4 years...then what? (I could provide a hundred scenarios like this, but of course none of us know what will be...)

[@deannedennis]

First of all, thank you for taking the time to write this detailed reply! Welcome to my little community here on KZbin. I've always felt that kind of sadness when I think about my mother. I don't really know who she is as a woman either, and I don't think she does anymore now. She had me when she was 20 (not planned), so I feel like I took her youth away. Yupp, the population growth is out of control. We were at 1 billion in the 1800s, now we're at over 8 billion and growing in 2024. I feel the same way about the organized living I've worked for. I love children, but as you say, that's not enough to negate the disadvantages that come with motherhood. Sorry to hear about your grandparents!

[@thecelticdruid7707]

Being a parent,.......it's not easy, let me tell you straight as a father of two and taking on two more that were not my own. Allow me to tell you this slowly......it's - VERY - hard - work. Stressful, time consuming, demanding , it is hard for men and even harder for women because they are making a sacrifice. Being a parent, it requires financial stability, dedication, maturity, wisdom, patience, love, kindness, understanding. The children are top priority, they must come first, you are secondary and you have to accept that you become second best to your partner. If you love your child more than you love yourself it's all worth it in the end. I know that from experience.

[@deannedennis]

Thank you for sharing, I appreciate you! I admire the work you're putting in as a father, I know it's not easy.

[@thecelticdruid7707]

@@deannedennis Thank you for your very welcome and positive response. My sincere best wishes. My children and step children hare adults now, just my youngest son is still at home with me and Nicola so life is easier. Best wishes.

[@KittymoreJoy]

Sir, I appreciate your honesty, however, children should never be the top priority. I was taught God first, than you and your spouse’s relationship, than children. If your relationship with your spouse is second to your children- the firm base of a family which is your relationship with your wife will not be secure. Too many times I have seen Women prioritize their children over the husband and the marriage slowly disintegrate. To have a healthy family, there must be a vibrant relationship between husband and wife. My parents like many, put us often above their personal relationship. Around 8 years I noticed how little time off from being parents they had. So I talked to my older brother and we decided to encourage them to go for coffee once a week just to be together and talk- no kid talk we said. My Mom protested it would be too expensive, they - in the 60’s , they did not have much extra cash but Dad said “ let’s try it”. Mom said” we can have coffee at home”. Dad said” yes, I know But- try it once, for me”. They came to love those times, where they could just enjoy an uninterrupted time with each other. My Mom said to me as a teen, that the first time was awkward, no talking about us? They just looked at each other like what do we talk about? I looked at her like-- Really, seriously. They were always communicating with each other, but sitting down for a Time Alone, just them, and they felt awkward. It kinda shocked them both. But she admitted they needed a decompress time to really check in with how the other one was doing. Children notice the stress between parents , or dislike , or indifferent to each other. Children internalize that. A happy marriage is the foundation for children to thrive. To allow a child to think he is the centre of the Universe , is to undermine the effort to teach a Child not to be selfish., take responsibility for their Words and Actions. Care about others, the surrounding Community, Nature - that we all must be Caretakers of our little place in the World. By seeing that Mom and Dad have something more together than just them. A Private World they alone are privy to nurtured by Respect, Honest but gentle communication and Passion for life and each other.

[@pipalittle5216]

It’s insane to me how people fail to realize that having kids really isn’t a necessity in a world full of 8 billion people…

[@deannedennis]

I know!

[@Pinkiiiiii9]

I really appreciate you posting this. You are not alone in this choice and it BLOWS my mind why people are so particularly offended by women who choose to not have kids. Im pretty sure its fueled by closeted internalized misogyny. Many people cant deal with the a woman who doesnt sacrifice herself to become a mother. It doesn't fit their traditional gender role expectation. Its so sad that people cant look within their own bias to see this. Instead they project sooo much judgment. Smh. I personally I would like to have kids in the future, but im waiting and taking my time lol! Im not ready for that are you kidding me? but even still, i absolutely understand women who dont want kids and 100% respect your decision. You shouldnt even have to explain. Like? Why is that so hard for people lmaooo?

[@deannedennis]

Exactly!! Thank you for this comment. People don't know how to deal with things that don't fit traditional norms, and they project judgement and criticism. I received similar questioning and judgement around being a digital nomad as well. I found out recently that my mum is going around telling people I'm "homeless" because I travel full-time lol 😂 I think the hate towards childfree people comes from two main things - misogyny and jealousy. I feel like a lot of women in the past didn't feel like they had any other choice, or they thought they were making the right choice, and now they regret it. That's why I want to make a community on KZbin of freedom seekers who break social norms and live for themselves

[@sirennoir258]

Well great but don't take too long

[@grace951]

People who push you to have a kid might just be jealous of your freedom. Having a kid means taking care of someone for at least 18 years, and maybe for life if they have a genetic disorder. Genetic testing around 18 weeks isn’t always spot on. You deserve to live your life the way you want. Those people who are saying otherwise probably don't work on themselves.

[@Datb2]

GIRL!!! Speak your truth

[@Amuslimpointofview]

I have 3 children..now they are 23,22 and 19. Yes, it was fun while they were little. But all the stress, hurt and debts I've been going through.... unbelievable! I tried to raise them as best as I could ....but their changing personality just shocks and disappoints me. 😢

[@deannedennis]

I'm sorry you're going through that!

[@KMAllmond]

I had my son at age 16. I wasn't planning on being a single mother, but he didn't want to handle his responsibilities. He was NEVER in the picture. Knowing what I know now (I'm 56), if i hadn't had my son, I would be child free right now.

[@mechanically-seperated-chi7682]

Number 6 yes!!! Preach!

[@JayBee-hk7ej]

I'm a mother and I still totally agree with you. I support 4B, too.

[@dannavalentin46]

Plus, u look so young and that's another benefit of not having kids is that you don't age as fast as mothers do, my mom looks older than her age and I personally don't want to end up like her. Ima follow the same lifestyle as u.

[@deannedennis]

People my age who have kids look 10+ years older than me lol. That's because of so many factors. Pregnancy puts your body through a lot both physically and hormonally. Then there's the sleep deprivation, stress etc. Of course it's gonna age you. When people tell me I look younger than my age, I don't think that's actually true. I think I look 30, but I look like a 30 year old who cares for her health and doesn't have kids lol. This is what I'm supposed to look like.

[@kimberlyjackson8343]

I'm going to turn 40 in July and I'm childfree by choice the reasons why I'm childfree because kids are very expensive and I don't want to experience how painful childbirth is having kids is a choice and being childfree is also a choice I know that not every person in the world is not going to want to have any kids at all to me being childfree is the best decision I have ever made

[@deannedennis]

Its so reassuring to see how many people like yourself are telling me they're happy with their decision. Thanks for sharing!

[@Quettasbedhead]

My nana can't get over I won't have children so her legacy will live on, I'm an only child and she is coming to grips with her but im nit signing up for 18 years plus just for her legacy I told her to start a charity or scholarship in her name then

[@deannedennis]

Ultimately you have to do what is best for you, it's your life. You don't owe her a grandchild or a legacy

[@ChristianaMick13]

I never understood people’s need to be in other peoples business about having kids or not. But I would like to comment on the first point. Anything you do you lose a bit of yourself into. Relationships, work, friends. You put yourself into each of these things and they change you. It blows my mind, as someone one who could never rely on their mom, that people expect that from their parents. Most of the time, if I need to call my mom, I pray she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t know much about my life and really hasn’t since I was a teenager and I’m 36 now. I didn’t even want her at my wedding.

[@angelaholmes8888]

I made the choice to be childfree when I was 11 years old i don't regret my choice

[@seltzermint5]

I love hearing of others who knew very early on. I was positive by 14 that I NEVER wanted to become a parent. But even around 11-12 I was starting to really question it and think "but could I possibly NOT do that?" especially when I started to babysit these sweet, pleasant children. I didn't mind the job so much but the idea of actually BEING a parent even later on at 27 or 30 yrs old was horrific to me. It was like if someone told me I had to become a mountain climber and wear no clothing. Hard to even accept. So I didn't! Yay (47 and happily childfree)

[@Bodytheliz]

Girl I’m 23 and I’m child free I’m happy and no I don’t want none I got nieces and nephews

[@darrenm.7980]

7:08 Here's a counter argument i like to use: Would you go up the vegan and tell them they should eat dairy products because some people are lactose intolerant? Probably not cuz that's just their life choice.

[@deannedennis]

Exactly!

[@karolinaska6836]

The best thing you can do when you don't want to have kids is.... to not have kids. Imagine having a kid bc other people think you should enjoy parenting. Wth?! Btw, i have two kids after a decade of trying. Parenting is not something to be taken up lightly! You do you ❤

[@mrennie5158]

People really do say No7 to childless people, sadly not realising that the strength of love they feel for their offspring is not true love stronger than any other type of love it’s just brain chemistry that triggers once you have a child in order to prevent you rejecting the infant as you are now entering the hardest part of your life and if these brain chemicals don’t cascade into your system at that time, the infant is at risk of neglect. Anyone who has suffered post natal depression knows this and anyone who has been removed from their birth families due to parental neglect knows this is the case. Only people who have been lucky enough to experience the brain chemistry after their baby being born cannot tell the difference any more between that and true love. The continuation of the human race depends on that brain chemistry happening so it makes sense that those who haven’t got the responsibility of parenting don’t get that effect. Unfortunately studies have shown that the effect wears off, regret not always but in some cases sets in, and more childfree adults end their lives happy with their choices than those who have had children.

[@deannedennis]

So true about the brain chemistry thing! Another part of that is that once people are done having children, they tend to lose attraction and interest in their romantic partners. This is because the reason why we're attracted to them in the first place is because hormonally we want to reproduce. From an animalistic level, men want to get women pregnant and women want to create and nurture life. As soon as we're done playing those roles, romantic and sexual attraction tends to diminish substantially.

[@bertog1217]

Kids are a burden

[@saschiaemma8299]

Nobody haves children for altruistic reasons 😑 it’s always for yourself or your family or couse it’s just how it’s done.

[@jacobbelow4136]

I don't think this question gets asked nearly enough..who's really the selfish one? Those one who automatically take it upon themselves to decide what's best for others? Or those who have thought long and hard about their decisions, how long-lasting said decisions would be, and how many people they might impact (especially the child who never asked to come into the world in the first place)?

[@northlight6759]

I just discovered your video, first one recommended. I'm pretty sure I haven't done any web searches on this topic, so that means my phone is spying on my verbal conversations ☹. I thought I had turned that off. Anyway, I came to hear your thoughts for when this topic starts coming up for me. I'm late 30s and told my parents a few years ago, and they're not opposed. I was amused to hear your reason 3, since that's my reason for not having pets 😂. My 2 big reasons are that I don't feel qualified to raise a child well with my mental health issues, which I would also like not to inflict on another generation, and that I just don't want a child. And now my physical health also puts a damper on any ideas of pregnancy, which is a recent development, but bolsters my conviction. Thanks for your thoughts, and good luck dealing with judgmental people

[@deannedennis]

That's why I don't have pets too! But maybe later in life if/when I settle in one place, I would love to have a dog. Just know that you're not alone in your decision, and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. The only important thing is your happiness

[@berenicemartinez9238]

Girl… I’m child free too and the exp I’ve had bc of it!!! Ohhh child

[@ninal.743]

Hi Deanne, you have a cool channel and I like that you're unfiltered 🎉 social media needs that🎉🎉

[@deannedennis]

Thank you!!

[@snadianna]

"Who will take care of you when you're old?" is stupid question to me. All those arguments are stupid, but this is most stupid imo. 1. My potential children are not my potential slaves. They're going to have their lives and potentially their children to take care of as well. 2. They're no guarantee my children doesn't die before me for different reasons. 3. Children could be born or become sick and not able to take care of me when I'm old. 4. By the time I become old my children could be old and need care as well. 5. Demanding care from your children just for the fact you gave birth to them is selfish and manipulative. It was your decision to birth them, not their demand. People who say this often ignore the fact that death, illnesses and age exists not only for us, but for our children as well. They don't live in reality, but in fantasy world when children and parents are happy, healthy and children always outlive their parents.

[@deannedennis]

AMEN! This comment needs to be put on a billboard!

[@mikedonigan6665]

MY brothers and I never had true love for my mother, especially in the teen and later years.

[@deannedennis]

I'm sorry you had that experience

[@SubZero033]

Childfree 🎉🎉.

[@grge3125]

good 🙂

[@nialeemaria]

I have a hard time imagining you’re getting hate comments for not having children. I’ve been called so many horrible names for mentioning I have three. Can’t people just live their lives? Life is hard no matter what path you choose.

[@deannedennis]

Honestly these days I feel like people face judgement no matter what they do. It’s impossible to please everyone. So I think the most important thing is just that we find happiness within ourselves

[@vladimirazubcekova7727]

i am sorta a bit nihilist. why giving life to someone that will die anyway

[@Robohead-z6z]

“You’re selfish” You’re nosy. I mean why even care if someone doesn’t want kids. People have many reasons not to have kids.

[@mrennie5158]

You’re certainly not selfish. You’re the opposite of selfish given that humans are so terrible for the environment and to other species that MIT are now predicting that due to environmental factors, societal collapse will begin soon, we’re so out of control. We are a cancer on the face of the planet and have caused the extinction of so many other species. However I will say something in response to the question, how long will you have to put up with people telling you you will change your mind - the answer is approximately nine or so years. Females we have an inbuilt panic buzzer that goes off around 40 years of age if we have not already bred! It’s just nature letting us know that we’re reaching the end of the reproductive line. What will help massively at this point is if you don’t have a partner who might have liked to have kids with you but you are the reason they have not and potentially will reach older age, possibly without you, and potentially also without children. The guilt may eat you up if you have not prepared mentally for this and sought a partner who is as sure about it as you are.

[@sirennoir258]

I don't understand people who go against the norm become offended when people question them or make comments. A woman who doesn't want children is in a minority by a long shot. Should you be judged for it? No. Live your life.

[@deannedennis]

Hello! Thanks for watching and commenting. I don't have a problem with people asking questions, I just feel like sometimes it comes from a disrespectful place. If someone wants to understand why I'm childfree, that's cool and I'm down to answer questions. If someone wants to insinuate that I'm wrong and I'm making a huge mistake that I'm going to regret, that's not cool.

[@sirennoir258]

@@deannedennis true. Some people are spiteful and rude about it.

[@Pinkiiiiii9]

I do want to mention, it's actually very common for people in younger generations choosing to go child free. It is not affordable anymore with the job market, the housing crisis, and inflation, for younger millennials and older Gen Z to be able to start families even with both parents on full time incomes. It's not as much of a minority as you may think anymore

[@JustanotherYoutuber771]

That’s because you’ve probably catered to the majority your entire life and have designed it neatly according to every norm. It’s our life and living it is exactly what we want to do, problem is: We can’t without people making rude and invasive comments about how we’ll “die alone” “never be fulfilled” etc. Don’t tell me people consistently telling you you’ll die alone and sad because of a personal choice that affects no one and does no harm wouldn’t offend you just a little bit.

[@sirennoir258]

@JustanotherKZbinr771 no I didn't cater to the majority. What a funny way to say lived a normal life.

[@SHXNSPACE]

For someone who doesn’t have children.. you sure do have a lot of to say regarding how being a parent works - these are merely your assumptions. Minimalism and slow living aren’t synonymous with being child-less…You can absolutely access these things ways of living whilst being a parent.

[@deannedennis]

That's a fair comment! I can only speak from what I've witnessed personally, which is family members and friends who have children. Of course, ways of living like minimalism and slow living can be accessed as a parent, but there's no denying the fact that it will be more challenging. Matt D'Avella's baby list contains almost 100 items that he deems to be essential purchases, and a lot of them require multiple of them (e.g bibs, onesies etc). On my own, I could quite happily live in a shoe box apartment in New York, but it would be literally impossible to have a child with that amount of space. Also, I know many people who travel the world full-time with their kids, so it's doable for sure, but they have to bring A LOT more stuff than if they were on their own. TLDR: I agree with you that you can absolutely be a minimalist and embody slow living as a parent, however it's more challenging than if you're childfree.

[@SHXNSPACE]

@@deannedennis thank you for taking the time to respond in such depth. I hear you sis 😌🫶🏾

[@KateeAngel]

We have all been kids and seen how our parents lived. All this "you don't know until you have kids yourself" is bs

[@KateeAngel]

Also, slow living while being a parent? Yeah, if you are very rich maybe!

[@human_no847]

Sure but having a simple, slow, frugal life is not exactly going to get EASIER with kids, only harder, so she is right in thinking that it's a potential issue. No one is saying you can't do it, but that it will make life much more complicated and you will have more responsibilities for the next 18 years (or more).

[@karissahambley4969]

All of your reasons for not wanting children can change as you grow and mature thought life. Please know that life can be long, and children are beautiful gifts worth suffering and sacrificing for. A life of leasure and ease can run its course and leave you feeling lonely and empty. Your identity is not rooted in the job you have or your style of living, but the love and grace you give to others ♡ even if you still don't have your own biological children please do not reduce them to a environmental burden they are the bright future !

[@deannedennis]

I'm not going to feel lonely and empty when I'm surrounded by a loving husband, lots of good friends, and pets. I do find fulfillment in giving love to others. I actually get a lot of fulfillment from things like making videos like this, because it helps people. I love teaching and educating others in general, and that makes me happy. I don't need children to feel like I have a purpose on this earth.

[@sirennoir258]

Exactly 💯.

[@lovebug1180]

A life of being responsible for a kid 24/7 can leave someone who does NOT want kids feeling unhappy and depressed. Don't try to change the childfree's minds. If they don't want kids, they don't want kids.

[@lovebug1180]

And who will know if they'll have bright futures? What if they turn out to be a serial kîller or drug addict? What if they're disabled? Having kids is a gamble..never know what you're gonna get

[@CYBER.6.66]

this was sponsored by joe biden

[@sirennoir258]

No it would be sponsored by Joe Biden if it was the feminist lie that they have all the time in the world to change their minds. Not expecting or wanting children is so different from thinking you can put off having them into your late 30s with zero risk or consequences.

[@user-en4xl2hr3z]

lol, she is not even from US

[@07Flash11MRC]

Where does one sign up to get sponsored by the POTUS?