Why is dating so hard?

[@jimsmith1549]

John, you're spot on. The reason person-to- person [omg!] dating is hard is: the Internet, the Internet, the Internet !!! This "tool" brings great interpersonal damage. I'm grateful I spent my first 40 years without it. Since its inception in the 90's I've become increasingly addicted to it. I can't even imagine GROWING UP with it. You see "perfect" guys, "perfect" couples. No one can measure up. Blessings to you, John. I can tell you're a very thoughtful, very sensitive guy.

[@olnbgy4444]

I came out late and I’m in my 30s with little experience in dating much less being in a relationship. With my lack of experience, I don’t feel like burdening others with teaching me .

[@bryanthomas4907]

I feel that

[@johnsharestories]

@@olnbgy4444 Please do not feel you are burdening others. Patience is a key quality toward building any kind of relationship. It takes time to open up, and I am sure there is someone who would love to be patient and dedicate time for.

[@rutha1464]

"The secret to happiness is low expectations." Dr. Barry Schwartz

[@cityguyusa]

Anything that's a distraction you could categorize like social media. But distraction is a good way to stop your current thinking pattern.

[@kodyduclos5845]

Everyone’s trying to get something in dating, but nobody wants to give.

[@saroxkingdom]

I think we avoid dating and engage more in hookups to avoid emotions and complications because we are afraid of burdens

[@petabread91]

Great story! Looking great as usual, John!

[@johnsharestories]

@@petabread91 It is nice to hear from you Peta. Thank you!

[@jyd9591]

Looks have always been a secondary priority for me. I want to know what kind of person you are and how you treat others. That's always been more important to me than looks.

[@its_eli]

Yup, its a struggle. I agree with everything you said. I find that you can't attract what you yourself don't possess. Some guys want the perfect fantasy person and they just doesn't exist. Don't lower your standards, but also be realistic. Abs is nice, but can the guy hold a convo?

[@benburns5995]

Hi John, I think that today with the cost of living many younger people struggle to just live life and survive day to day. This adds a lot of stress before even considering their Social and Dating life.

[@aveuch]

You’d think there would be more interest in “settling down” with someone to share life costs.

[@johnsharestories]

@@benburns5995 wholeheartedly agree Ben

[@Leonion6]

I'm not sure a lot of people struggle to "survive". Costs of living can be pretty reasonable if you don't feel like you absolutely need a large house, expensive vacations abroad, that last iphone, a renovation in your room just because you got tired of old wallpapers, designer clothes, a $100k wedding etc. etc. Idk, maybe my sample is biased because I don't live in the US and only get glimpses at people's lives here and there but I see a lot of what I'd call "redundant overconsumption". My country is more poor but because of it people here learn since young age how to spend money more reasonably finding the right balance between "what I want" and "what I can afford", preferring cheap & reliable brands to clearly overpriced ones, buying things on sales, never taking out loans and never using credit cards, saving money & buying an apartment instead of renting one, following 80/20 rule (focusing on things that cost 20% but can give you 80% satisfaction) and stuff like that.

[@kentwaters5903]

Being n introvert I had to learn to avoid deep conversations

[@Gee-xb7rt]

I'm like deep conversations, I guess you have to kind of temper it to the person. be engaged enough and change the subject. Im a MBTI ENFP though, and we tend to collect introverts, which might not be the best thing to do with them.

[@stereoheadmtl5944]

@@Gee-xb7rt INFJ here. We usually your best ear; best audience, and love deep convo if vibe mutual.💥

[@Gee-xb7rt]

@@stereoheadmtl5944 believe it or not I don't think I have ever met a INFJ, I have an ex that is a philosophy prof at Berkeley, of course he is INTJ, and a good friend that is a librarian/half of a lesbian folk music duo in the middle of the New England woods. I know a lot of ISFP, INFP, but I think maybe because I spent 1/2 my life spinning in circles on dance floors that isn't where you meet INFJs.

[@otheusrex2190]

answer to the thumbnail: because you make everyone that way

[@robyoungquist5803]

You posed the question … what gives you gratitude? That’s easy for me to answer … my health, the comfort, peace, and warmth of my home. Food in the fridge and cupboards. Love from family and friends. Beauty of nature whether it’s the snow of winter, the smell of Spring rains or the warmth of the sun in summer. It’s also the simple pleasures of a book and cuppa Earl Grey tea in a coffee shop and perhaps meeting a great guy. For me, it’s so much easier to recall everyday blessings than to think of what maybe I don’t have. But then again, I don’t compare myself to anyone else because (a) it’s not important to me and I’m confident in myself and (b) it’s pointless really. Ooops I’ve gone on too long answering your question 🫤🙄. Perhaps if you see me out having that cuppa tea, you’ll stop to say hi 👋🏻. I bet a conversation with you John would be not only deep but very very interesting 😉

[@johnsharestories]

@robyoungquist5803 haha you are very grateful for your life, Roby. Thanks for sharing and I appreciate your words.

[@RobCobra300]

Yes, you have to fix you first.

[@KnucklestheEcidna]

I came out when I was 13. my parents were ok with it. but I feel like the stage of relationships just flew by. I only started my attempt at dating when I was 27. And every single time that I tried to date someone. they would always drop me for having preconceived notions about me. Or my family members would constantly intervene and break us apart. this only made my dating life very shortlived. lasting only 2 years. after watching a couple of videos about dating and such. I noticed that I'm not exactly gay. but I lean more towards the Asexual disposition. I'm gay but lean more towards being Ace. Now it just feels like less and less people are willing to make an actual GENUINE EFFORT into wanting to date. it's all lipservice. people practically begging for a relationship but dismiss it the moment when it's right in front of their nose. Now I just feel like I'll never be able to find anyone ever. Like I completely missed out on it for the rest of my life. It feels like it'll be my biggest regret.

[@johnsharestories]

@KnucklestheEcidna Aw please recognize you have so much depth! This instance of a comment illustrates that! You seem like a wonderful man, and I am sorry to hear of your former struggles with dating. I can struggle with dating as well. Please realize that there are many ways to improve and enjoy your life as well! Partnership is beautiful, but ugly when forced.

[@KnucklestheEcidna]

@@johnsharestories nowadays it just feels like it's the people themselves who are completely unwilling to have relationships. Covid just made everything worst and people are unwilling to recover from it. they are unhappy but are unwilling to work on bettering the situation themselves.

[@kevingave3153]

Two videos in one day!

[@johnsharestories]

@kevingave3153 yes sir! :)

[@elagabalusrex390]

It doesn't help that most gay male involvements/attractions, at least in my experience tend to center more around sex than emotion or intellect; Not sure why - I suppose the gay-ness doesn't eliminate the guy-ness lol. People are just people.

[@MichelZongo-q3r]

He is right

[@saroxkingdom]

You are right. We are superstitious

[@077koko]

Can you make episode about cruising in Chicago ?

[@johnsharestories]

@@077koko I will add it as a note.

[@Gee-xb7rt]

I am basically Drew Barrymore, like maybe annoyingly so. Dating should be easy for me, but I think gay people have a lot of self hatred, and it manifests in things like very nitpicky, and I don't want to date my mom. I prefer dating to be casual but intelligent. My big red flags are cluster b personality disorders, and that weeds out a whole lot of people.

[@bryanthomas4907]

I wonder if cluster b is under diagnosed in the LGBTQIA community. I've read that therapists are very careful with diagnosing us bc a lot of what we go through is minority stress but still...

[@Gee-xb7rt]

@@bryanthomas4907 for a anti-social pd diagnosis currently behaviors have to start in childhood. they often say things like "behaviors consistent with", etc. They have decent therapy, the problem is getting them to realize their behaviors are interfering with any quality of life.

[@Gee-xb7rt]

@@bryanthomas4907 honestly if its not treated its hell for the person, I have a brother that just gets worse with age, I have had to have to have police intervene because of his irresponsibility, and of course nothing is his fault. just mean, nasty, racist, homophobic, constant stream of negativity and hate.

[@kentwaters5903]

You got a good head on your shoulder.

[@Someonesaidthis]

I think you look like a very handsome beautiful gay man. I think you have lots of potential. What ever happens or you do. Don’t become prey to the Radical Christians.

[@MarcoMercado-ps1yl]

Why am i so Hard ???

[@PaulSandora-l8h]

I would date you if you were close. But you are very attractive 😍.

[@VanceEvans-t8h]

I love your hairy body ❤❤❤

[@johnsharestories]

@@VanceEvans-t8h thank you kindly Vance

[@JohnLumb-r2m]

Self esteem/ confidence is important if you want to date successfully. Yes I know easy to say harder to achieve .

[@robyoungquist5803]

I hope when I’m out and about having coffee and you see me, you’ll say hi. I think having a conversation with you would be very interesting. 😉👍🏻

[@freedolphin3077]

why not just get a job then?

[@macjen44]

you should be shirtless in the next video

[@johnsharestories]

@@macjen44 hmm...okay.