Why Lesbians Get Divorced - Pillow Talk

[@wendysnelgrove5870]

Twenty years married this summer. No divorce. Too tired with the kids to even consider it. (I'm kidding, I'd be lost without her.)

[@alinafernandapicayo]

This made ma LAUGH

[@LesBiNews]

"Too tired with the kids to even consider it." hahahahahaha

[@kimberlydidia39]

Married 8 years and together 26 years. Shocking to hear that divorce rate!!

[@thegaywomenchannel]

That's amazing! Congrats!

[@Cloud-ql3oy]

That high divorce rate is in the UK. Lesbian divorce rate today in America is 34%. The highest divorce rate is hetero at 50%. Gay men have the lowest. We all should be asking them the secret

[@MetalDucky16]

Me and my wife have been married for 5 months(we eloped family doesn't know) after being the two best friends that were always flirty with each other after a couple drinks for 7 years and obsessed over Carmilla together. we've been watching pillow talk for the longest time! Thanks for bringing us closer together 💕

[@SarahPiperNZ]

I've just finished a Carmilla binge watch and my god the flashbacks to all the emotions we went through, incredible it was so magical for you!

[@senfliebe856]

Divorcee here. Dated two years (though we were engaged for over a year of that), married for five. I think, ultimately, it was just that we spoke different love languages. She needed love through acts of service and I was very bad at that. Also, lesbian bed death happened. We get along much better now, five years later, because of course we're still friends.

[@alex0615]

Shocking! Didn’t realize the divorce rate was that high between lesbians. Well, that still seem very far from me, since I’m still stuck at the stage of finding a girl to date.

[@deborahgreen5901]

Wow, surprised to hear the divorce rate is so high for lesbians. My wife and I have been together for 35 years, married for the last 12. Love you both! ❤

[@peggynulsen1365]

Yea, I was surprised too. 34 years together, 9 years married. Cannot imagine any reason for divorce. We are great friends, lovers and quiet companions.

[@thegaywomenchannel]

We love that

[@hannahmiller5515]

A theory about lesbian divorce, one of the top reasons couples fight is financial issues. Women generally make less money. So two women in a relationship have more reasons to fight about finances and quality of life, which is determined by a finances to a big degree

[@padonov]

And the same study shows lesbian couples are much more likely to have kids, wich increases the workload and financial burden by a lot.

[@Soy-Hammad2649]

Thanks for sharing this info. And I appreciate how open and honest you were about the lesbian divorce rate.

[@ceriedwards3]

Oh my wife and i must be luckier than o thought, we've been together since 1991 and got married whenever it became lagal. ❤❤❤

[@SGee1989]

What? Really? Been married for 15-years. Met in undergrad and still so happy. We eloped and just had a small circle of chosen family. Ladies wait for the one!

[@GuadianWolfJilly2]

I've been divorced for 6 years, now. We were together 5 years, married for two. I asked for a divorce because the relationship had grown very toxic, and pushing towards abusive. I'd seen the straight couples in my family live through relationships like that & it wasn't what I wanted for myself, so I ended things. Still single now & in my 30s, but, I'd rather be alone than where I was in that marriage.

[@estefanisanchez127]

Good for you.

[@alysete]

I relate to this - together for 9 years, married for 1.5, and now divorced for almost 4 months. Anything to not be in the toxic relationship that ours was. I am happy dating but not rushing into anything, and now I know myself and what I want/need much more than I did at 20.

[@Bella-tr7pj]

My wife of two years, together for 7 year just left me for a coworker with no warning. Still wouldn't wanna switch with any of my straight friends. But not sure if ever wanna get married again.

[@adday.]

What are the issues you see straight people have that makes you not want to be in their shoes?

[@msluthorXCI]

Nope, no divorce for you. I HAVE SHIPPED YOU FOR YEARS! I will do everything in my power to avoid that.

[@plovergrrl]

Married for almost 12 years now. I don't know why lesbians get divorced at higher rates (and also is that trend true in the US or only the UK) but couples therapy was incredible for getting us through a rough patch as well as figuring out how to add spice back in. Marriage takes a helluva lot work and communication. It also means sometimes being OK with not being OK (I'm talking about emotional discomfort and accepting disagreement and conflict as part of a relationship, not putting up with toxic or abusive behaviors). My hypothesis is a) some lesbians commit to early and b) allow minor problems to fester until they become major problems and it's too late. The latter point often being because women are often really good at doing emotional labor for others but not ourselves and not wanting to make our partners uncomfortable with our needs. Not all women, but it's a common dynamic. I'm intrigued by the "higher standards" hypothesis though, because lord knows my straight friends seem to accept some pretty mediocre behavior in their relationships.

[@mariannetfinches]

Been UK married for 11 years. That divorce rate sounds bonkers! Were they doing a survey outside a solicitor's?! I wonder if women are socialised not to speak up when something bothers them, so it becomes an issue? My wife's an excellent communicator & she's taught me well. But therapy is less common this side of the pond, & Brits generally aren't great at speaking openly

[@clovesbian]

I think divorce is just statistically more likely to be shameful in Christian Heterosexual culture. So many straight people are still married but it doesn’t mean that they should be.

[@NancyCooper-mw2hp]

Or maybe since God designed marriage to be one man and one woman these couples will stay together if they are believers and put God first in their lives.

[@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721]

​@@NancyCooper-mw2hp Oh yeah, I have met so many wonderful god fearing straight couples that stay together. The women very clearly know that her emotionally unavailable husband is what they deserve for being women! The husbands are aware their spouses are unhappy but because the spouses tolerate it they don't do anything about it. Clearly, that's what marriage is for.

[@NancyCooper-mw2hp]

@@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721 yep that’s the crap that happens when God isn’t the priority

[@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721]

@@NancyCooper-mw2hp Why if god designed marriage to be straight there are gay animals and gay humans? Also, you know the bible is anti rich people too right? and pro love? Do you comment this sort of stuff to rich people, or do you only want to punish happy people? If there is a god and he is homophobic, I'd rather be in hell 😂 What a pathetic god he would be. Caring more about adults loving each other and being happy than about wars and greed.

[@kshay89]

Its so weird that you care enough to seek out gay content to hate on. You're weird. @@NancyCooper-mw2hp

[@meissasantos3020]

I guess lesbians get married too fast, maybe if they analyse morr before getting married…it could low the divorce rates

[@erniesandoval9669]

Loved this episode of pillow talk, thanks Sarah and Adriana.

[@mogill7279]

My wife and I have been together for 25 years but married for 10. We did the quick U-Haul but not interested in a quick divorce just enjoying life as a couple of old lesbians 😊

[@manoelamiranda2417]

Hahaha “aww poor straight girls” 😂😂

[@Rae-d9o]

As a divorced lesbian who also dated a man for 5 years, I have some thoughts: Women's standards are clearly higher compared to men's. We want our partners to be self-actualized, emotionally mature and financially independent OR at least striving for those things. Men are usually content with lower status women and initiate more sexual intimacy, which is good for a relationship in the long run. There is also lots of data that shows that women report experiencing more daily negative emotions than men (not our fault, just biology), so small issues can bubble up into larger fights. Men often forget about tiny disagreements. Maybe it seems cold, but it's worth considering these things before getting lesbian married. :) Good luck everyone! There are happy marriages despite the statistics, just be thoughtful about it.

[@theeccentricsouth]

Together 20 years with 2 kids... planning to not get married! We just figure after this long... if we aren't committed now, getting married won't change that. And if we don't get married, we can't get divorced!

[@francesw.6774]

Smart!

[@adday.]

No need to rock the boat. My parents have been unmarried together for almost 50 years, if it works, no need to mess with it

[@peyote.]

I've never been married and never plan on it!

[@JamesJones-bj6vy]

Any lesbians who are thinking about getting a divorce should just look at the current state of dating apps; they'd work that shit out at all costs.

[@barnaliadhikary9421]

This video will get millions of views... Even it doesn't happen...you guys will not get divorced ever... You will looooooove each other even more and more

[@skybadge]

And that’s why I’ll never get married, to avoid divorce! I just can’t see myself legally bonded to anyone. 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

[@kirya11]

Oh yes I totally feel the same way. I'm 45 and felt that way since I was 20. I always said I dont want to legally tie myself to someone. If we break up I just want to dip out fast and easy. Not have to deal with the division of assets and the like. When gay marriage became legal I said nooooooooo lol

[@skybadge]

@@kirya11 I’m retired from the military which means, she’ll become my dependent, which also means that I have to share the benefits I fought hard for with her, which means if we get divorced, those benefits will come up in the divorce settlement soooooooo nope!!!

[@kirya11]

@@skybadge great example right there! Which branch of the military did you serve in? Thank you for your service. I appreciate your sacrifice.

[@skybadge]

@@kirya11 USAF

[@rachelshaub1742]

@@skybadgeput in prenup have neutral party be power of attorney when necessary

[@KuoAnn4]

Happy to say, I’m dating 🙌🏼

[@thegaywomenchannel]

Congrats!

[@sofakihp]

talking about first world problems ... in Greece we just got gay marriage legalized like 10 days ago ... not enought time to get married yet alone to get a divorce ... 😂 cheers

[@thegaywomenchannel]

Congratulations!! 🎉

[@fabiaregina]

That video is giving words to my thoughts!😂

[@PinkRanger1105]

I am, in fact, a divorced lesbian. My ex-wife and I were only together for 5 years, married for 3. We were terribly unsuited for each other, but the clincher was her cheating on me and running off with her new gf (the stereotype for lesbians is there for a reason, lol). I thought I was gonna die from the pain, BUT a few years later I met the REAL love of my life, and I now know that my ex and I just simply did not work. I wish my ex-wife nothing but the best in life, and I genuinely hope she is experiencing the same love and happiness that I am blessed to have. 🥰

[@boltpanther5862]

Honestly I think it's a combo of lower numbers of marriages compared to straight couples (so easier to skew/harder to average out) plus in my experience gay women tend to over-commit too quickly. It's all very all or nothing. Rather than sounding it out and getting married when you're certain. Myself and my wife were together 6 years before we got married and now we have been married just over two. Getting married was one of the best decisions of my life but if we had done it quicker (say after a year or so) it would have been a mistake...you need time to iron out the kinks before committing rather than committing in order to iron out the kinks. I think if you're married and the relationship starts to rock early on people panic and think they've made a mistake, if you're just dating it's easier to relax and fix those issues. Here's hoping I'm in that magic 25 percent given I'm a UK girl ;)

[@friendly_userr]

If you're looking for ideas, you should check out Hazbin Hotel and maybe do a pillow talk on it.

[@angieflores6157]

Divorced after 3 years, she became obsessed with wanting to know where I was every second and would track me, on an app while I was at work. And if that app happened to glitch and freeze, she would question me, when I got home. I was a delivery driver, she confessed to looking at her ex husband's fb profile, cherry on the cake, was her male coworker, who made passes at her, and when I told her I wasn't ok with that. Her excuse was, he just needs someone to talk to about his kids mom, she never stopped talking to him, even after he switched jobs. She went back to Kentucky, before our lease was up, I stayed to finish the lease, found some other stuff out, I ended up not moving to Kentucky and we were divorced a year later. That was 4 years ago

[@francesw.6774]

I'm glad for you that you got out of it. Sorry you had to go through it.

[@Justanotherhuman11]

Never married hence no divorce lol. Also single bisexual 😂

[@meissasantos3020]

4:23 yes, lesbians have high standards and are more independent than men.

[@francesw.6774]

In general (there are always exceptions), I think you might be able to just replace the word "lesbians" in your statement with "women".

[@francesw.6774]

It's funny to me that anti-gay people fought to keep the right to marry from gay people. All they were keeping from them is a fairly high chance of becoming miserable. I guess they didn't see it that way, despite the abysmal stats on straight marriage.

[@laurareyes943]

Got married to someone I barely knew and it ended I divorce we eloped in Vegas and it ended a month or two after but re married and this one is for the end of time!

[@lvem]

Most of the lesbian marriage success stories seem to involve being together long-term before marriage. Long-term meaning 10+ years. I also think gay men are less likely to get divorced than lesbians because marriage to them does not often mean strict, rigid monogamy. I know many married gay men who would be divorced if marriage meant monogamy to them lol.

[@oddspongeout]

I almost got divorced because my wife is polyamorous and wanted to see other people, but I couldnt imagine life without her so here I am.

[@tracyhill6166]

Are you now consenting to a poly relationship you don't really vibe with? 😢

[@oddspongeout]

@@tracyhill6166 it's complicated

[@terrydillon9323]

Don’t you think it might harder to divorce in a straight relationship because, of kids, and a wife may not work and she is the prime caretaker of the kids etc. and just all that stuff.

[@hathawyn]

The wording isn't clear, though. Are lesbian marriages more likely to end in divorce, OR are a higher percentage of lesbians divorced?? Because if it's the second, that percentage will include lesbians who were previously married to men (thanks, comphet) and then got a divorce and now identify as lesbians. Which is a much higher number than straights or gay men because again... comphet makes many lesbians get married to men and have kids etc before they even have the chance to consider if they're attracted to men or not.

[@TehBuggy]

Good point, most divorced lesbians I know were married to men and got divorced, I think I only know one or two who were actually divorced from their lesbian marriage.

[@terramoo6936]

2% effort al the way. When you pull out 10% once every 3 months you shoot up to a 10

[@loose167]

It’s ALWAYS the husband.

[@MarinaGuidolin]

You guys should make a video about chappell roan

[@1MamaYo]

There’s something to be said that I feel men are probably more likely, if they’re unhappy in their relationship, to be able to 1) keep emotionally distant within that relationship and 2) have an affair or five while convincing themselves that that’s fine and they’re entitled to do that. I also think queer women are more likely to get married much quicker (within the first year or 2), which is inevitably going to be linked to high divorce rates.

[@ruffmeow9893]

I kind of feel like some lesbians are getting married because it's legal now - not taking into account a life long commitment

[@ika849]

Pillow talk lol it’s been years now I’m surprised they still going.. we have 50% rate of divorcee of straight couples here where I live … so 70% is whatever 😂

[@thegaywomenchannel]

We're surprised too

[@cinder3]

When in doubt blame the husband

[@vywolfmedia3532]

Girlies time to invest in some mics!

[@ohuntermc9321]

I do love Jenny, don’t get the hate at all. They messed up her character in the last couple of seasons but she’s brilliant all the same.

[@ameliabox9065]

Adrianna and Sarah this is sad news however Adrianna your hair looks bomb. mazel tov you two

[@thomasg627]

Divorce rates are high for all kind of couples, kinda normal, because not only do people live much longer, meaning if a marriage falls out of love a "restart" with a new partner makes sense, but also religious ideas where divorce is not an option are becoming more and more obsolete. On top of that women are on average more demanding, less willing to work out problems and quicker in drawing consequences, which is why in hetero marriages about 80% of all divorces are initiated by the woman. Furthermore men (unless they are rich) have a hard time finding a partner and once they found one will try about anything to hold on to the relationship, simply because they know finding a new partner is very hard for them, while women are used to having options and finding a new partner is relatively easy for them. Put all of the above together, realize that in hetero marriages over 50% get divorced and you know why in lesbian marriages the divorce rate is way higher than that. Personally I believe in modern times one has to adjust to the circumstances, marriage simply has not much purpose anymore, aside of a few small advantages in taxes to pay and easier bureaucracy, it doesn't increase the duration of a relationship, it's barely more than a piece of paper one can get rid of just as fast as one can get it, therefore one should realize marriage is an option that one can easily live without and take the time to be really really sure before going for it.

[@alejomartinez1220]

Men can live fine without marriage,women cant.

[@thomasg627]

@@alejomartinez1220 Without marriage is one thing, without partner is a different story. Among lesbians the hetero setup of an old man with money and a young girl without money rarely applies, most of them get together on equal terms, meaning the motivation of getting a divorce to take half the partners money doesn't exist.

[@dontmakepoorchoices]

I love jenny she's my favourite character - after shane - shanes my no.2 after me i'm my no.1

[@fawkinhxc]

Season 2 Jenny is my fav

[@fawkinhxc]

What about you guys? Are you getting a divorce? Hilarious

[@zgonzaga93]

dating. same sex marriage is illegal in my country.

[@senekxs]

💗

[@feather151278]

Don’t date, don’t love, don’t do relationships. No marriage = No divorce!

[@heatnicoleher]

Domestic abuse in lesbian relationships is shocking.

[@lbalda1]

Those numbers floating around the internet are from a very flawed 2013 study. Lesbians do not have high rates of abusing their lesbian partners.

[@francesw.6774]

I think domestic abuse sucks and is shocking, period. Toxic behavior is, unfortunately, people behavior, and isn't strictly defined by sexual orientation or gender.

[@heatnicoleher]

@@francesw.6774 the stats don't lie.

[@My-Name-Isnt-Important]

This is a segment from a summary of multiple studies. It's called; "When Intimate Partner Violence Meets Same Sex Couples: A Review of Same Sex Intimate Partner Violence" Life-time prevalence of IPV in LGB couples appeared to be similar to or higher than in heterosexual ones: 61.1% of bisexual women, 43.8% of lesbian women, 37.3% of bisexual men, and 26.0% of homosexual men experienced IPV during their life, while 35.0% of heterosexual women and 29.0% of heterosexual men experienced IPV. When episodes of severe violence were considered, prevalence was similar or higher for LGB adults (bisexual women: 49.3%; lesbian women: 29.4%; homosexual men: 16.4%) compared to heterosexual adults (heterosexual women: 23.6%; heterosexual men: 13.9%) Furthermore, culturally created ideologies regarding masculinity and femininity may discourage IPV victims from openly discussing their experience. This happens when the perceived stigma reinforces their own stereotype that homosexual men are less masculine than heterosexual men, or the one that lesbian IPV is harmless (because women are not physically strong and dangerous) (Ristock and Timbang, 2005). Buttell and Cannon (2015) stated that IPV was not about genders, but more about power and control dynamics; thus, to assess and treat IPV, particularly LGB IPV, it is pointless to take into account gender-related stereotypes (Brown, 2008; Little and Terrance, 2010). However, the main resistance from the feminist community came from the risk that discussing lesbian IPV may threaten a feminist belief regarding women’s abuse, usually perpetrated by men who are influenced by misogyny and patriarchy. Gender and power were the main factors in this theory; therefore, lesbian victimization was considered both impossible (because of the inconsistency due to the absence of a man in the equation) or explained by the assimilation among lesbian women of misogyny and homophobia, which is subsequently projected on to their partners as women and homosexuals (Ristock and Timbang, 2005).

[@francesw.6774]

@@My-Name-Isnt-Important Thanks for providing this information. If its veracity can be depended upon (some skepticism is warranted, because the methodologies and possible biases of researchers for this type of research makes it prone to manipulation, either intentional or not, and reporting behaviors can vary between reporting groups for a variety of reasons), we may need to accept the sad fact that power and abuse dynamics between intimate female partners are not that much different, or maybe a bit worse, than that between male and female intimate partners. If that is true it needs to be accepted, because we do not need to be creating a whole new subgroup of women who are abused and not taken seriously or dismissed.

[@tripod5147]

i liked the new L word.

[@luizamoreira3804]

Dating

[@giaafshar8419]

i dont get tina she was annoying at best.

[@stremi6735]

"promosm"

[@williammoses6460]

The object is to get your genes passed along. Genetic variability ie mixing your genes with a different set of genes each child. Four children four different fathers is best bet one or more surviving the perils of the plague, parasites and bad planning. Turn-over works and is innate. So of course lesbians have the highest divorce rate. And gay men, without the disruption of the 80% agitator, can figure out how to make a marriage endure.