Why Men (Over 40) Act Interested, But They Can't Seem To Commit

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[@JonathonAslay]

FREE Call with Jonathon► jonathonaslay.com/coaching Join My VIP Group for $7-- jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove How Men Choose Their SoulMate (FREE Gift) www.jonathonaslay.com/gift/ Self-Love the Book: www.selflovethebook.com The "What Would Love Do?" Podcast www.jonathonaslay.com/category/podcast/ Recommended Books jonathonaslay.com/book-recommendations Follow Me On Instagram instagram.com/jonathonaslay/ Join this channel to get access to perks: kzbin.info/door/DOXs_34FF93o66Z-S0py1gjoin Naked Divorce/Naked Recovery nakeddivorce.com/?ref=jonathonaslay Get a FREE copy of my dating vows here: www.jonathonaslay.com/datingvows

[@majob2363]

Had an experience with a gentleman that told me he can’t give me what I need Or looking for. I appreciated his honesty. 😊

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for sharing!

[@livelearnandgrow5422]

I just wish that everybody could be honest like this man was to you you are so fortunate to have that conversation with him

[@pam164]

My ex used to say that but kept coming back, but I know it was my fault as I took him back.

[@maram6211]

Most men don`t say that due to being so honest but due to testing the waters if you are ready to accept them without being committed to you.

[@jamieolivarez9083]

Same here, recently met up with an old friend from high school after chatting for a few weeks then we hooked up but at the next meeting he was honest in telling me that he didn’t know what he wanted and was not sure how he would be able to meet my expectations but like s seeing me. I was annoyed for him saying that after the fact but at least I know what not to expect from him and how to move forward.

[@rosamoreno4794]

I am 46 yrs old looking for a man who is 46-50, but unfortunately most look 55 plus and don’t look in shape, yet most men in this category are broken and or still hurt and not looking to commit. My dating pool feels like the “grim reaper”. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@maram6211]

Why do you narrow down your dating pool to a dating puddle? I like the "grim reaper" reference though 😂

[@JonathonAslay]

I'm 55+ am I out of shape and a dud?

[@Mary-y5z9u]

I suggest being open to 42-45. I've learned some are more mature, responsible, dependable & truly seek commitment. Just a matter of weeding out the spenders & users to find the builders. They are out there. Best of luck!

[@minacerra]

@@JonathonAslay you look healthy. I know the type she is talking about, really unhealthy, can't remember the last time they even went for a walk, not lively and completely unmotivated, blaming old age instead of their poor life habits.

[@maryannekelley6558]

I’m 57 and have talked to men who are true couch potatoes and have met men who are in amazing shape. I don’t think you can make a blanket statement like that. If you have the attitude you’re dating pool is like the “grim reaper “ that is what you are going to receive. There are plenty of men and women on both sides of the activity/fitness coin. And that is where your vetting process is going to come into play. When I talk to men I try to get specifics on their activity levels and I’m very clear that someone who isn’t active won’t mesh with me or my lifestyle. Try joining groups such as a meetup group that does activities you like, or fitness singles.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I agree, 100%. Most people who are "dating" will say they want a relationship, but you get the sense that the term is somehow abstract to them, like, "If the stars align." or, "If I meet someone amazing." Once I hear vague references I understand that they don't truly crave partnership and that, best case scenario, I would be forcing them onto my path. I think it's important to look for concrete, realistic ambitions in dating and understand that if it's vague you'll be in a situation-ship.

[@Sunlightsam24]

Because men don’t want to commit like that to a woman he just met! Too many women are unstable and/or pushy. My current honey was out dating, wasn’t really looking for anything but when he met, he knew from the moment I walked into the coffee shop that he wanted me. There is no guarantees of anything.

[@elipotter369]

​@@Sunlightsam24I agree, Denise. I feel the same. I would sound not that interested because I would rather be single than with most people I meet. But if someone I have good rapport and fully enjoyed their company and felt like a good match, I wouldn't even be saying I want a relationship, I would be focussed on i want to spend time with this particular person.

[@sunbeam9222]

I'm a woman and I wouldn't even say I want a relationship. I just want to live life. If I decide to go on a date it's because I wanted to go on a date. I don't do one night stands and all that but maybe this person will turn out to be a friend, maybe a partner for life or maybe just a cool lunch, who knows. If the stars align or if I meet someone amazing is actually something I could say 😅 it all depends on what life has in store. I don't do situationships. But I definitely don't know for the first few dates if I even want to pursue a relationship with the person. Getting to know them first seems to make sense.

[@tamitatangoto5134]

​@joanarc7963it's lame in more ways than one. Considering that in the Bible in Genesis it says that WE ARE SOULS. In the Bible it says Adam BECAME a living soul. Animals are souls. So his comment really doesn't make sense.. Good call Joan Arc🎉😂

[@Thomassina1]

Think many people want friends w/benefits, a bud to hv fun with, but nothing else. If both people are on the same page, it can work, but usually one of them is waiting in the wings and becomes another broken heart.

[@biondna7984]

Hallelujah and amen! I'm now a polite, friendly but plain-spoken detective. I'm at the point where important questions are the only thing that make dating worthwhile. I'm not doing this to amuse myself; I had eight fantastic years with my second, late husband. Now that I know how good it can be, I want it again.

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@karenschell9822]

You had so many good points here! Especially asking a man who filed for divorce, and then waiting to see what he says. How many men would really be honest? I’m thinking about my ex, I filed because he was abusive and an alcoholic. I doubt he would tell someone the truth on a first date! This is a good thing for women to keep in mind!

[@lpetitoiseau9146]

I’m also thinking about my ex. I filed for divorce bc I found his secret stash of totally inappropriate porn. You know what I’m talking about.

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly

[@AdairCty]

My ex would say she grew tired of the remote, rural life and wanted to go back to the city. He wouldn’t divulge that he was an angel to our neighbors and the people in our small town but a raging maniac behind closed doors who randomly threatened, raged and terrorized his wife for no reason. He’ll tell no one that dark secret!

[@Sunlightsam24]

This is why asking questions in an interrogation doesn’t guarantee anything. It’s way better to listen carefully during conversations, ask questions in context of a relevant convo, and watch his actions (and take note of past actions)-and wait to have sex so you have a little time to evaluate.

[@JonathonAslay]

OR@@Sunlightsam24 Or, asking questions is the only way to get to know someone, and yes, there's no guarantee they will be honest. And yes, waiting to have sex is important...

[@BetterLoveMovement]

Yep! The last guy I dated for seven months; had all the red flags and I ignored them!🤦🏽‍♀️ When I finally “woke up” to the truth of his deep wounds from two divorces and no real relationship with his three children, I simply asked him point blank if he had what it takes to be in a healthy relationship and he said “NO”! The most honest conversation we had in the entire seven months. I walked away and three weeks later, he was in a rebound relationship.🙄 His toxic ways will continue as long as there are new women willing to participate.😢

[@RachelAnn777]

This is chilling because I’m out in the dating circuit after 17 years and after being monogamous and married 14 years…is it raining good men anymore or drizzling?

[@christymcdaniel2483]

I was married to my first husband for 10 years, we have 3 children, our divorce was very ugly. We have never been able to be friends again. I was single for 6 years until I met my soulmate and we got married 6 months after we met. We were married 12 of the best years of my life, then he passed away, I was devastated . I didn’t go on a date for almost 2 years. My point is when someone has been traumatized it’s hard to take that step into the cold dating world again, but even harder to open your heart for fear of someone breaking it, so how do I ask someone I’ve just met what their intentions are?

[@calistew2766]

I agree with how people discuss past relationships shows how much work they’ve done. Its a good sign if they are open and honest, take ownership vs blame the other person 100%. I’m not sure it should come out on first date though, there should be a certain amount of time to build trust to open up to that level of personal info.

[@SD62534]

This was a great episode. Thank you so much. Love is so important and you addressed I think all of the relevant criteria for getting involved with someone.

[@JonathonAslay]

You are so welcome!

[@Meyouletsgo]

I’m dating a 50 year old man. -although I feel safe and he’s responsive - he has no time for me - he’s married to his business ! 😢it’s sad 😢 I feel so lonely in relationship and I communicated that I want to get married…idk even what he wants at this point !? He feels like he can’t make me happy…:/ idk what to do at this point…

[@RRthee1]

Thank you. This is right on time. I’ve had a lot of men ask about my divorce and I hate it.

[@dystoniaify]

I'm so grateful to have found this channel. I'm a single, 43 year old female. I became disabled at 30, and I got into a situationship at 41, because I was ashamed of my disabilities and poverty. I'm now back on my healing path, and hopefully returning to school in order to get out of poverty. I'm hoping to get married one day, but I have to get my life back on track. My heart is improving, but i have a lot of PT ahead. I'd rather be single forever than settle for a noncommittal man again.

[@katrinat.3032]

@@dystoniaify It sounds like you have emotional intelligence

[@janereinhardt4715]

My husband moved out 25 years ago, so I filed for divorce soon after. I see nothing wrong with that question at all.

[@beckettconley2051]

OK so I met a guy online very nice man very respectful. He took me out several times I made him dinner. He made me dinner and this went on for about three weeks plus he called me every morning. We texted each other throughout the day. Thought it was going in the right direction until he said, I just want you to know that this will probably not lead to a committed relationship and that he was going to go on other dates. Don’t you think he should have told me this maybe after the third or fourth date? I really didn’t get mad at him. I was kind of shocked but I didn’t want to act like from what he has told me other women have done that to and told him to F off, etc. I don’t know maybe I dodged a bullet with him, because it sounds like he might be one of those terminators. I don’t know.😂

[@maryannekelley6558]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Better to get out of it as early as you did!

[@zensvlognotapro]

It's hard to find someone if we always use our mind than our heart. Sometimes when people who have traumas and they can heal each other together while in relationship is also good I think so.

[@EllieM_Travels]

All that togetherness isn’t necessary for me. I’ve been with my guy 8 years and it works because we talked right away about what we want and don’t want. We have both grown a lot as individuals, and we enjoy each other’s company. We also have our own interests and like our space. It works for us.

[@JonathonAslay]

I agree. One size doesn't fit all.

[@alchemicalsoul]

Gonna be honest, I think humanity is at an impasse. We have to take the time to.focus on balancing out the individual and collective unconscious. There are generations of trauma stored in the majority of us. It's going to take a serious overhaul of therapy and meditation to undo the dysfunction. People are searching for a partner but in truth need to be searching for themselves. You truly will not realize how much trauma you have until you do the shadow work. It's a hermit journey. There is a reason monks and other sages go into solitude to take control of the mind. I suggest everyone step away from dating and pursuing love. Find it within. It will arrive when you've found balance.

[@angieatvegas]

This is why there are many, many amazing women alone, the values are lost, the real purpose to have a guy to love and cherish is gone Sad !

[@jenniferl1908]

The same goes for men. They are too set in their ways and don't value good women. I know many amazing men alone.

[@FriskyTendervittles]

I’d love if you would do a video on men over 40 dating a woman in her forties who may want a family

[@loriawinfree478]

Thanks for your videos you help alot

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you like them!

[@denisemartinez1903]

Actually women my age and have had more then one relationship are put off when a man starts peeing all over your shit and marking their territory.

[@Ytdeletesallmycomments]

😂😂😂 This.

[@kimr1806]

You can ask them why it ended, but what are we considering a good answer during our detective work? The answer isn’t going to be positive unless they can admit they fell out of love and are coparenting well.

[@stephaniebrown-mansfield259]

What if I don't know what I'm looking for either but we both enjoy each other's company, have much in common, and are physically attracted to each other. Do we both say never mind and just give up on it because we dont know what we want or are capable of being ?

[@JaneMcCourt]

Jonathon, you should be training licensed marriage counselors, seriously, you provide the most sensible advice I've ever heard. Thank you!

[@JonathonAslay]

awe... thank you

[@sunflowerroses6943]

QUESTION: What does it really mean when a man says the timing and circumstances are such that it may not be best for either one of us to date? He said this after saying he thought I was a wonderful person and had a lot going for me.

[@sunflowerroses6943]

A lot to offer. . . Basically, he just wasn't that into me?

[@JonathonAslay]

He wasn't that into you...

[@maureenmesserli8590]

Speaking from a medical point of view and not administrating any health advice ..respectfully speaking………Possibility he has a sexually transmitted disease ( STD test is not clean) and with proper medication the condition can be cleared in 3 weeks timeframe but requires no sexual contact for 4 weeks to be safe for both partners…..since the relationship is new he probably does not wish to mention it….and that is why the timing has come into place………I have learnt to never make assumptions in my lifetime….a person must learn to diversify their thinking and transform the thoughts…….send lots of Love to the situation for Love Melts All Blockages….

[@Gigi-wc3kl]

Honey, let it go.

[@katelanxner6483]

Hardly seems fair, does it, that we women are always having to play a guessing game? Life isn't fair, yes it is true but it doesn't make it less stressful. More of us have to call them out on this type of thing - a form of gaslighting...otherwise they will keep on doing it!

[@jenniferl1908]

Great advice as always. I want a share story about a NEVER MARRIED man I went 2 great dates (he is in his 50's) - he's great on paper (amazing job, top colleges, owns a home, etc) - Total catch! Why wasn't he ever married? There as something off about him and we had no romantic chemistry - and he even said one of the dates he isn't that sexual of a person -that was odd and was a red flag to me. I recall telling him he was nice, but we aren't a match and he agreed. We are facebook friends and turns out he is now in a relationship with a man as he proudly showed his partner to the world. I am happy for him as he he is living his truth now in life - I had a feeling he could be gay but wasn't sure. My gut was right. It is so interesting to see people in mid life coming out because they were most likely repressed and afraid of what people think even though being gay/lesbian is now more accepting in 2023. I think women should keep this in mind if a man can't commit - he could be hiding his sexuality/repressed (women do this too).

[@maram6211]

It is very rare that ppl don`t commit becasue they are secretly gay. Most cases are just not emotionally avaiable and shy back from sex and intimacy as that could evoke becoming emotional.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Jennifer, They could be gay or bisexual. Just saying. And very good points. Glad the fellow is living his truth and happy. .

[@jenniferl1908]

@@sherriflemming3218 thanks and happy for him for living his truth. He could be bisexual for sure. It's not uncommon to see this in dating anymore. I know a woman who left her a husband for a another woman.

[@sherriflemming3218]

​@@jenniferl1908 Exactly. The truth always comes out eventually. Your intuition was on the mark. And his comment was an indication.. Generally,, bisexuals tend to have a preference for one specific gender. However this doesn't apply to them all. I live in a very LGTBQ city.

[@alchemicalsoul]

Starting to wonder if this is the case with a man who kept pursuing me. Prefers anal, almost to the point of obsession, and seems to subconsciously hate women due to early severe abuse by his sister. 50 and never married, never wanted children, and seems to go through the motions of dating because it's expected.

[@liliakogan3043]

Question-do you feel it is appropriate for a woman to say I love you first, and at what point in a normal relationship can this happen?

[@JonathonAslay]

Ideally, they say it at the same time.

[@HillaryHarris]

Relationships or situationships today seem more about distraction and avoidance of dealing with loneliness or wounds from past marriages or pain/wounds. BTW - cute cheese head pic! he he

[@maxinemalko747]

Honestly your comment about not wanting to get married again after your divorce or it being “the last thing you want to do” has a lot of validity. I fail to see the point in marriage anymore

[@katrinat.3032]

IMO, women have sex with men too soon in the relationship. It’s like let’s date, have fun and in time we’ll be sexually active. Now you’re getting your needs met, you feel less alone and he’s getting some needs met. But it’s like a parallel life. Like you said What is the purpose ? Now that I’m older I’d rather get to know you as a friend, and see if we can really be honest with each other and not just on our best behavior, THEN when more th things are clear and truly in alignment and you’re both clear on what you want, then move forward with physical part

[@sterlinghawk_g20]

Great information and advice as always. Thank you for your hard work in doing what you do

[@JonathonAslay]

I appreciate that!

[@sallygoldfinger]

The man who asked who filed for a divorce on their first date is 👍👍. No need to keep things shallow . I love a man who isn’t afraid to ask curios, direct and deep questions. I do to myself but men get put off by it. No need to keep things on low level. Get to know someone from first date and cut the small tan nonsense 🙏🙏

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly

[@juliaarambula3153]

I often have reservations about the honesty of men. Will they tell the truth about their divorce. For example, will they admit they cheated or were emotionally unavailable. Most won’t because those two reasons are what doesn’t get them a second date. Especially if they aren’t showing sincere improvement by counseling and self work. Many have told me they are working on themselves but it’s all words to see if they can buy time.

[@georginafronda496]

Totally agree. Their truth are not truths but a mix of truth and lies.

[@zaa5947]

HELP PLEASE...I have been dating a 40yr old male for 8 months on and off. We have seen each other about 6 times due to him being busy with work and his children. He says he likes me but will not commit. I have fully fallen for him and have made my deelings clear. He said he is not there yet and this could take years to happen for him as he has his children he is looking after parttime and working fulltime. He doesnt have time for things to progress further than dating or getting to know me yet and hes not in a rush to be together. Does he expect me to wait years before he decides he wants me or will in years to come he say he doesnt feel the same deepness i do for him. He hasnt slept with me as he says sex complicates things. WE HAVE SLEPT IN THE SAME BED TWICE ONLY FOREPLAY. Im so confused i dont know what to make of this situation. He doesnt call me only messages. i respect him for not sleeping with me and him sayjng we should wait but i dont know what to make of it.

[@alchemicalsoul]

If I may, there's no confusion. He said clearly what he can give.

[@zaa5947]

My issue is if I wait for years for him then he turns around and says he doesnt want me. I would have wasted all that time but I cant let go right now as I have fallen for him even if its 1 sided

[@alchemicalsoul]

@@zaa5947 He's not in control. You are.

[@alchemicalsoul]

@@zaa5947 There is no requirement to wait. He told you what he can and cannot do. You get to choose. There is no confusion. He was very clear about his intention and capacity. Wait or move on with your life.

[@zaa5947]

@@alchemicalsoul Thankyou for your reply...easier said than done.

[@JessicaPolman-i2p]

Jonathon, I love your advice. Glad I found your channel. Didn't realize you and your girlfriend Marie broke up. Sorry. I know you said you have an anxious attachment style relationships - is that the reason the relationship ended?

[@oanaelena4001]

Resonating, especially the part where we don't want to support the kids that come from previous marriages. I am also reluctant to do that as a woman and don't have kids of my own! Anyway, I find the offer disheartening, most of us mature folks learn to love our loneliness, besome selfish I guess and that's dangerous😢

[@Annieqt]

Wait Jonathon! Do you suggest opening the door to the "ex talk" right on the first date? I'm so tired of guys talking about their exes that I now set boundaries when they give to much details and I end up being their therapist. How can we just play detective, ask who ended the relationship (or marriage) to just to test but then go back to flirting and getting to know someone? It seems to me that men once they open up about their past, they can go on.... If we ask, of course they are going to talk about the ex.

[@JonathonAslay]

These conversations reveal a lot of data... yes, I do suggest opening the door. You have to eliminate wounded people quickly. 🙄

[@jenniferl1908]

I disagree with this conversation on a first date..Many men starting throw their ex under the bus and it becomes a therapy session, This information can be done on the phone before the date to avoid wasting time.

[@JonathonAslay]

@@jenniferl1908 I agree... talk before meeting.

[@UrsaBella]

he does not commit for one reason only: he is not into you. you are probably too independent, lead busy life, love yourself, support feminist ideas...and I remember Jonathon did a survey recently and most stated they were happy to stay single. what are you complaining about then? stay single. you have a choice. stay a human or be a woman.

[@billilynnholt4131]

Yes Jonathan I heard you loud and clear nobody loves me and that’s fine

[@badabing-g4g]

I think the other parent of the children should financially support the child😮 and if theyre deceased yeah it needs to be a convo. My friend supports his gfs kid, I think he's a sucker honestly

[@alwaysandi5867]

I alwsys say....dating is just data collection. 😊

[@NDiaz-et6hc]

Also Jonathon back then people used to die younger

[@jackdeniston59]

Over 40...... what on earth do you expect?

[@annabanzon313]

It's because he is doing you a big favor 😆

[@brownigirlpie]

My "Pickers broken" I wonder if Amazon sells "Pickers". Sigh .

[@JonathonAslay]

They don't 😵

[@emilyyoung3432]

I’m struggling- 31 years old. Dated older men in the past, (40’s) common theme was they’ll commit but lots of cheating etc. now i date closer to my age (thirties) lots of “good men” but love bombing, future projecting, and i very kindly question these statements and slow the roll. But by the time i start reaching their level of “interest” and have invested a lot, they are suddenly not rdy or need time. I am just at a loss. Lol

[@releasetoreceive]

How did you know about the cheating? Just curious

[@MsLilac88]

Hello Jonathon, I always found your relationship videos informative & it gives me a sense of clarity, I am married, still watching your videos to learn more about the mentality of men. 😊

[@JonathonAslay]

Wow, thank you

[@MsLilac88]

@@JonathonAslay How are you doing? 😊

[@shannonprice275]

100% it’s hard to date over 40

[@deek8765]

Great videos but I honestly feel the topics you discuss somehow deviate from the title. Please stick to the title and talk more about that without deviating.

[@JonathonAslay]

Noted

[@Ryan-vi2qy]

Taking datting advice from A old feminine man is absolutely wild. Wtf does this guy know

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for sharing your pov

[@Kpleaides]

80% ppl are poor then.........

[@stephaniepersin4222]

I get the part of two incomes instead of one makes it better to pay the bills but I’d feel like a whore if I were not in love with someone.

[@JonathonAslay]

I understand

[@rhondagriffiths570]

You are the BEST! I never tire of your videos! Thank you Jonathon! ☮️❤️😀

[@JonathonAslay]

Wow, thank you!

[@rhondagriffiths570]

@@JonathonAslay❤

[@rhondagriffiths570]

You help so many people! God bless you Jonathon! You met your calling!

[@emgee691]

2 things I agree so well with in your presentation today, Jonathon. Firstly , relationships/ friendships being really mostly free therapy sessions. !!! No. No. No! In my case I am a Relationship Counsellor, Therapist, healer and a few other things besides. Now, what I WON'T do is tell all of this to a new man real early on. I only tell him about another side line of mine. You won't have to guess too hard as to why I now do this. The 2nd thing....PURPOSE. Integration. Union, of 2 people into ONE life, together. The life they create TOGETHER, IS the purpose of marriage/ partnership. Otherwise, why bother? Your COMMITTMENT is to THIS marriage/ partnership the union the integration of your life TOGETHER , is WHY you commit to it in the first place. Why you commit to the other person in the first place.

[@lpetitoiseau9146]

What a great vid. Made me think.

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@lpetitoiseau9146]

You’re a thoughtful guy.

[@karenharris3183]

older men and women we still sorta like teenagers. But we now are not all interested in baby making , now it about being a companion the real stuff. Honey how are you doing? what do you want today? just daily life. cook , clean, dress go out for dinner. maybe fishing maybe not maybe cards or bowling. Together things. the twosome. Help me put my sock on , help me tie my tie. maybe a caddie , you know? It might not be all sex. might be just for a friend.. Have a nice day you all.

[@OlderWomenRock]

Does Who filed first or at least left the relationship first really give you accurate insight? My long term ex left Me briefly stating my poor health as one reason . He said He know longer was in Love with Me and wanted to date other Women . This was a Man many told Me to leave over the years . Many people couldn’t understand why I stayed. He was domineering , angry , critical and verbally abusive at times . We got back together and I finally left Him because I realised He wasn’t worthy of Me , my patience my devotion . The Man never appreciated Me . I couldn’t tolerate His anger any more . Was I faultless , No . I couldn’t help getting sick though . I was there for Him through thick and thin .He was a recovery addict it wasn’t easy. Take from that what You will. Am I still wounded yes to some extent .

[@karenharris3183]

men do not know what they want. some only want money. I have not found a real fella lately.What do men want? I would think some want to have comforting and a cook. a cleaner homemaker . as age happens it harder as hearts and kidneys and livers are aged and you might not find a person who can run around the block. But they can be there to speak to or wash your back in need help you get dressed. sex maybe , maybe not as blood pressure medicines or other drugs might prevent that. But you still would have a partner for you.

[@lonelyheart9022]

I divorce my husband of fourteen years because he was bipolar and wouldn't get help and he was mentally and physically abusive to me and my kids . he would stock me too and when I try to leave he said he knew 70 ways to kill someone and get away with it cause he was in the military he knew a lot of things. I had to get a restraining order that didn't help he had someone cut my brake lines on my car knowing I had to take my kids to school but good thing I was paranoid I always look at my car before I left and seen I had break fluid on the ground and n my line was cut but of course I couldn't prove it to the cops so he got away with it but I was always cautious but one day he messed up and hurt my daughter and he got put in the mental ward for 4 years after doing a year in jail and he had cameras in the house to watch me when he was gone but he messed up one day left the camera on and the footage was on there of him pointing a rifle at me threatening to kill me if I left

[@lonelyheart9022]

@drosumbothegreatspellcaster3 ok thank you

[@robinmagee1638]

Very good information inever asked the men about there historyy 20:16

[@JonathonAslay]

Happy to hear 😊

[@samanthajane11.11]

Thank goodness I didn't have 4 or 5 different children to different men! I see women struggling to find a good man because of this situation. I agree if I was a man I wouldn't want to support other men's kids either! Harsh truths and give me hate but now I got a great young man and hes committed to me and he doesn't want children ❤🥰

[@asmaarafferty5032]

Hi Jonathan, I did learn a lot from you thank you so much. I have a question please, I am on a dating site where I met a really nice man we both late 40s early 50s he opened up with me he said he is looking for a real long relationship he said he feels happy everytime we communicate he made real real effort to get closer and to know each other 8 weeks we did not stop talking, suddenly he stopped talking I can sense distance so I didn't try to disturb him and let him have a distance if he needs to, but I cannot explain that sudden change? Can you help me please

[@JonathonAslay]

Sounds like you need a coaching session 🤔

[@joyceshirley9599]

You are Amazing !! Thanks so much ❤

[@JonathonAslay]

You're so welcome!

[@celiaescalante]

Everyone wants to have a family. But, everyone also wants to go after the panacea of someone who will give them their love language. Why else would people listen to love stories, read romance novels and watch rom-coms?

[@daisy7141]

After 41 years of marriage, til death did we part. I can honestly say, Life is a Gift, and I wasted it. My reason is justified. My gift was: I finally realized it.

[@sherriflemming3218]

All valid points Jonathon. ♥️ Life is vapor. Time evaporates quickly💨💨.

[@runelerun]

I just found your videos this week and am finding them wonderful and helpful and inspiring and I am already being courageous in my dating in my 40s life, but feel really unsteady so this is really bringing me comfort and strength and good ideas.

[@JonathonAslay]

You are so welcome!

[@kimberlymasseur1615]

Sadly, I feel that I figured it all out when we were younger men are willing to make commitments so they have a caretaker of their home at her mother for their children. After that time has passed, I believe the majority of men I’ve run into all simply don’t want to be bothered with being a partner. I’ve actually created a little game for myself when someone is disrespectful I turn my nice on them nine times out of 10. I apologize and tell me their ashamed of themselves. I’m tired of doing all this which ended up itself upsets me more than the disrespect and transactional behavior.😢

[@robinmagee1638]

Very good information inever asked the men about there historyy 20:16

[@sharonHendrix-kv5zp]

Your smart and final ideas have made me haggy how in my heart is this town ever going to be fair to me.

[@LisaGemini]

Relationships today lack a sense of purpose. As an old hippie would say, RIGHT ON! It's a shame that so many singles are out there drifting and unsure about their purpose in life. Me, my purpose is to love others and serve God. I often end up acting as therapist because I'm a fairly good listener and ask questions to show interest. I dump takers, though. No time for that BS. With the economy being so lousy now, people are just trying to survive and lots of singles are so busy taking care of older parents, kids, etc. But meanwhile we are LONELY. That's why we often avoid red flags....we long so much for a real partner.

[@JonathonAslay]

Sadly, the purpose is short-term gratification

[@karenharris3183]

someone to help console you like when you got bad news. or if you can not decide best on a contract. you can read it out loud to understand what is written. someone to help finances monthly maybe. combined money , some are great good natured . they just can not decide what they really want out there. we are not teenagers any more.

[@angieatvegas]

Your girlfriend never asked you to change the frame of your glasses ... Black is the worst color, it emphasize that you have a bad sight Mine are transparent !!

[@rhiannonrhiannon6285]

It is uncouth to ask who filed for divorce on the first date.

[@JonathonAslay]

Why?

[@rhiannonrhiannon6285]

@@JonathonAslay A man's character is important to me. If he breaks a boundary like that when I first meet him that is a deal breaker. I like men with finesse and class and to ask "who filed" when I don't even know if I want a 2nd date is brass and pushy. I understand we want information and it's very important but you have to know how and when to say things to another human being. It doesn't make the man a BAD person but it shows me something about his personality that I know will not jive with me. It may for other women just not for me.

[@JonathonAslay]

@@rhiannonrhiannon6285 I still don't understand the boundry... it's public record.

[@rhiannonrhiannon6285]

@@JonathonAslay If it is public knowledge he can look it up and not ask. It's too personal of a question to ask someone on the first date. If he really needed to know who filed which really who cares let him look it up and not put the woman in an uncomfortable situation. I would never ask a man on our first date or 2nd who filed? If he did not offer the information himself I would leave it alone. I call that respect.

[@shawnaw9750]

Yes, it is. Thank you for sharing!

[@JonathonAslay]

You are so welcome!

[@Gem_ini]

This was amazing ❤❤ thank you!

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you liked it!!

[@mariad1151]

I agree w lady who said that to ask who initiated divorce on a first date is invasive. People are jerks enough nowadays. Not necessary; don't do it on 1st date. Beyond that, this "healing" that's talked about here is either: 1. Lack of emotion based on lack of feeling. Or 2. Cover up: S/he knows the politically correct thing to say to indicate (fake) healing. Given a choice, prob better to go with the authentic voice....

[@JonathonAslay]

.

[@maram6211]

How is that "invasive"? Nobody likes to buy the proverbal pig in the poke. Whoever refuses to disclose that information and becomes outraged about the question is not ready for dating but needs to heal their issues befoore putting themselves on the dating market.

[@mariad1151]

@@maram6211 Pig in the poke? Disclose? Market?! It's a breach of personal space. 1st date is not about buying livestock or expediting a legal matter, or analyzing a market. Treat a person in such a manner on a 1st date, & it's obvious you're not equipped to handle the intricacies of a relationship.... Or even a second date!

[@maram6211]

@@mariad1151 I think you missed the "proverbal". And you bleat about ppl asking normal questions on a date as being "invasive" yet have no problems to project your issues onto ppl you have never met - huge red flags.

[@mariad1151]

@@maram6211 another farm/animal reference?! The lady was right, & the guy shouldn't get second date or pursue the issue if it's evaded out of courtesy. No one is entitled.

[@sharonHendrix-kv5zp]

I'm not ready for a sweet kiss you are unfair community neighbors kissing in front of the Friday public my feeling keep constantly getting hurt.

[@angeldust4224]

Who the F cares who filed?? It is over!

[@JonathonAslay]

Maybe they are still in love with their ex...

[@nedamalovic8981]

Love you Jon! This was great❤

[@florentinaguggenheimer6557]

Jonathan, I'm having a hard time taking your content seriously since you and Marie broke up. I need advice from people who are actively making a long term relationship work. Thank you for some occasional gems, and good luck finding happiness in your love life.

[@Redfox-1984]

I'm grateful he shared what happened, but I wondered why he wasn't willing to go all in as he says and make the move with her. His job is remote, so... But it's not really any of my business. Maybe he offered and she said no.

[@maram6211]

How does his private life impact his work? Would you have prefered he had not been honest about breaking up and pretended that he was still with her?

[@JonathonAslay]

She didn't want me to move...

[@Redfox-1984]

I'm very sorry it didn't work out. Sounds as if she just wasn't ready and you gave it your all. Hugs as you heal.

[@meg01968]

Honestly, that’s closed minded as to the belief that the greatest knowledge and advice comes exclusively from those currently in relationship. Trial and error gives so much insight. But to each his own

[@mariad1151]

If someone asks you who initiated divorce on a first date, run! It's a clear indication that the person doesn't respect ordinary boundaries & is invasive & disrespectful of people's space. Akin to nosy, but in a intimate relationship: suffocating!! Say, BACK UP BUSTER!! I just freaking met you!!

[@JonathonAslay]

I'm curious: Why is that crossing a boundary? I don't understand why you say that...

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

@@JonathonAslay Exactly, I find the probing questions refreshing in a sea of men who can't be bothered to be curious.

[@mariad1151]

@@JonathonAslay As you say, it's a sore spot. We don't go in for the jugular upon first meeting. Heck, even w a long time friend or relative, it's a delicate subject that most of us prefer to dance around, despite burning curiosity, rather than put that person on the spot & making them uncomfortable. No one's going get "the truth" anyway. No one expects it, either....or believes in it IMO Best to you Mr. Jonathon. I like to see your wheels turn.👍

[@maram6211]

@@mariad1151 If you still have sore spots and jump in the faces of men who ask normal questions, you are a red flag to any man who is serious about dating and a committed relationship.

[@mariad1151]

@@maram6211 Someone who is going that fast isn't interesting in taking the time to get to know you IMO. (Like wanting u 2 spread your legs after the 1st 10 minutes) Intimacy is intricately built; we're not fast food or cash machines. Don't have time, then don't bother. Buuu-by!!

[@Diarrheagod]

Why do so many single men over 40 not take care of their teeth…it’s so 🤢 when a guy you’re talking to gets close and you can smell the tooth decay in his mouth…it can instantly make him 30% less attractive

[@JonathonAslay]

Same reason women over 40 don't take care of their teeth... lack of self-love

[@Diarrheagod]

@@JonathonAslay ohhhh is that what that is….so that’s probably an easy indicator to tell to not get involved with people like that! It’s like a flashing light that says “I haven’t done the work to heal myself”

[@janegreen191]

I broke up from my narcissist over 3 years go. I have avoided him since. I go to the temple to read. Today I saw his car there. He knows I frequent this place? Not sure what to make of this. @janegreen

[@JonathonAslay]

Coincidence, maybe?

[@janegreen191]

He KNOWS I FREQUENT THIS PLACE. ONCE HE TOLD ME HE KNEW THIS PLACE WAS MY SPACE AND WOULD NOT INTERFERE. I DON'T BELIEVE THIS WAS JUST COINCIDENCE. I LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN. HE ONCE STALKED ME AT THE TEMPLE.@@JonathonAslayYou obviously don't know anything about narcissism and if you do, it's probably very superficial.

[@maram6211]

@@janegreen191 A narcissist would only stalk you immediately after being discarded. Running into him "once" doesn`t constitute "stalking". After 3 yrs you can be assured that he has lost his interest in you and found another primary source, that`s if he is a narc at all. This term is attributed nowadays inflationary. And as you mentioned, you live in a small town, so running into him somewhere is inevitable. Stay calm and everything will be fine.

[@janegreen191]

What has this to do with my comment. Did you read my comment.@@lulu49686

[@janegreen191]

@@maram6211 He tried to come back about 6 times. He sent me 3 xmas cards only a year ago. He once told me that the place I visit is my space. So why would he turn up at the place.