Why Narcissists Devalue And Discard

In this video I explain why narcissists inevitably devalue and discard their romantic partners, and, more importantly, I detail why the empath is plunged into a deep level of confusion and self-doubt during this phase by drawing on the precise psychological factors that are being activated in the empath.
Need more personalized help? I am available for online coaching sessions - visit the website below for more info.
vitalmind.com.au/private-onli... or email [e-mail]
Abdul Saad
Clinical Psychologist
www.vitalmind.com.au
Facebook.com/vitalmindpsych

[@jcnlaw]

As a divorce lawyer, I can’t begin to tell you how much damage narcissist’s cause their empathetic partner. Stay strong!

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

You should have a never-ending supply of clients--attorneys with knowledge of this disorder are in short supply.

[@erinking6567]

My narcissist left and wont give me my divorce she has done this 4 times now it's like she has some power over me because of our marriage

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

@@erinking6567 You don't need her permission to get a divorce--just get one if that's what you want. There's nothing she can do about it if that's what you want.

[@beautydefined1601]

Thanks for understanding

[@lesliel.6260]

The damage is total, you never fully get over it!

[@josiebrown2955]

When discarded by a narcissist, receive it as a precious gift.

[@annemarie7203]

Trueee

[@angecici7550]

20 years ago it was horror as we were put out with no clothes and money..we worked and kept on everyday..he is the one and his second wife living the life they put us in..own no home no nothing.

[@mayuschkaberlin2797]

I received this gift at new years eve... I couldn't make it to the party, he called me to wish me a "happy new year, Darling" - and went off with his new supply that he barely knew for a week at the time. Since Jan 1st he's ghosting me. After the first shock, I started learning about covert narcissists and consider myself very lucky now. He couldn't have done me a bigger favour. Thank God that I somehow found the strength to move out of our shared apartment a few years ago + we don't have any children, so it's still relatively easy for me. Stay strong everyone! Never blame yourself for falling for one of those Draculas!

[@angelac3788]

Love to all the survivors! I left my abuser when I was pregnant. I had three years of legal fees, smear campaigns, stalking, flying monkeys, and abuse. I survived. You will too!!!

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

Smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years wife cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned her cell and i got access to all her text without touching it. I’m here in Australia and able to access his phone while she was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via WhatsApp him [phone]. Thank me later...

[@balkangetaway]

Thank you !

[@joshuap2872]

I feel trapped in a mental cage.

[@TwamatzdNinja]

Joshua P spending time with my ex was the loneliest time I can recall experiencing... nothing is there but what I enjoy not knowing. Busy busy little brains always buzzing.. yuuuuuuuch

[@joshuap2872]

I completely understand

[@SuperQdaddy]

The illusion of love...with someone who has nothing to offer..but drama...reality

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

Smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years wife cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned her cell and i got access to all her text without touching it. I’m here in Australia and able to access his phone while she was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via WhatsApp him [phone]. Thank me later...

[@emf3391]

@@iniubongnkanga9390 ☺👌WOW! Good job!

[@extra222love]

Exactly 👌🏼

[@moubhattacharyay6891]

It's 💯%True😏

[@janinesmith369]

Amen. So true

[@jdldo6539]

Something I've noticed about narcissists is they devalue you during the entire relationship and when they discard you (almost always in rage) they make it out that they are leaving you for someone better than you and that you were the problem. However when you see whom they have left you for you (their next victim) this person is almost always a big downgrade. It is then you then realize they do not live in reality and you were NOT the problem.

[@basicinfo2022]

yes, they are in denial and deflecting responsibility. they are simply liars. they are only fooling themselves.

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

Mine never acted angry because he wanted to retain the 'nice guy' image. When confronted, he would just disappear. He'd come back (months or weeks later) and say he was embarrassed about his behavior and that he thought about me all the time. He was truly amazing. He was expert at hiding the usual signs. He was the silent Tyrant King. I would ask him to just tell me that he was with someone else. But that would have blown his 'nice guy' self image too. It was a constant cycle.

[@audreyannaobrion178]

@@dianevanderlinden3480 mine, too! Such subtle, insidious abuse! I'm leaving!

[@bboyswitch22]

"A big downgrade"..?

[@angelajane3913]

So true! I remember a friend commenting years ago, saying my ex had come down a few notches! He was trying to put it nicely

[@dalebertoli7266]

Over half a century of exposure to narcissists of all stripes in multiple contexts has taught me they all have one dominant trait, they are sadistic and cruel beyond imagination. They revel and delight in causing others harm and pain.

[@kevinhumes7599]

My experience as well, yet they still surprise me... Some are so good you don't even see it coming... telling you how much they love you while hovering over you threatening to push you out a 3rd floor window grinning like Satan hungry for blood

[@russellm7530]

Yeah I'm 53 yrs ago and just started learning about NARCASISM several years ago . Most/all my relatives are very narcasistic especially my mother. I wish I knew then (20-30) or more years ago what I know now. My life is beyond repair.

[@lovewhitey2027]

Predators and parasites 🦠🤬🚨

[@jessncin1586]

@@russellm7530 exactly my story. I'm 53 and just learned about narcissists several months ago. WOW! Is all I can say. I'm glad I walked away.

[@user-ej4sk8bc2l]

The greatest horror is what happens behind closed doors from the most unlikely people to helpless people with cancer or alzheimers etc.

[@NewWorldAstro]

Run after the first discard. Empaths could never do this to anyone (unless after prolonged contact with narcissistic discards, possibly). So don’t accept it. Idealize devalue discard will be REPEATED should you return.

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

Smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years wife cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned her cell and i got access to all her text without touching it. I’m here in Australia and able to access his phone while she was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via WhatsApp him [phone]. Thank me later...

[@BerylWalubengoAnyitiNanyama]

Thank you

[@stadiabrathwaite4777]

They will alway discard you over and over again

[@kessajohnson2071]

True. I filed for divorce immediately.

[@fatherbewithme]

❤🙏

[@louisefitzgerald4400]

They love to punish.

[@MarthaMcCrum]

Louise Fitzgerald you’re so right.

[@RevGary]

Yup my ex punished me after SHE aborted our baby. I'm convinced she did so in purpose to punish me.

[@spindriftbeach6082]

Yep. Rather than try and understand and help they prefer to judge, condemn and punish.

[@krish.5823]

They rubb it in and love it when they get a chance to do it.

[@krish.5823]

The Aborted comment. SHE may have felt alone even with you, and you may not be committed or responsible enough for HER. SHE may have been scared. We are only hearing your side. SHE also may probably had a hard time making that decision so it must have been serious enough. That's not an easy thing to do. Sorry it happened though to you, that was not fair that SHE did not discuss it ahead of time with you.

[@kevinhornbuckle]

This is a very solid understanding of the nature of the disturbance. I hope empaths will listen and develop skills to defend themselves from these dangerous people.

[@Dtella55]

Paying attention to red flags and never dismiss and have strong boundaries...

[@serious4701]

Very often you do not know until its too late. I wish I had such material to listen to back then, but even so, when I think to the chameleon abilities of the narcissist, I might have even been fooled, in spite. I did have the inner voice telling me things are not normal here, I often rationalized it. So many regrets!

[@kevinhornbuckle]

M M Me too.

[@southerncross5360]

Kevin Hornbuckle I didn’t see their mask drop quick enough and when I did he split and made it his mission to ruin my life!

[@peggyoneal325]

@@serious4701, I'm pretty sure, if we all be honest, we would agree with you... Your words are honest and true....

[@southerncross5360]

It’s like giving someone the remote to your heart and soul....

[@karyee1127]

I’m a survivor of BDP/ narcissistic abuse. I got discarded finally. I want to say keep no contact, stay strong, don’t give up. Love yourself so that U can love other in peace.

[@sarikasingh4010]

they devalue also because they are bored..they are constantly finding attractive things in life to run from the real them.

[@belovedchild9812]

They experience pathological boredom. It's awful to watch. Always grasping for the next hit of excitement. Always scheming and planning. Prowling through the world as predators in search of something to ignite them because they can't ignite the internal spark for themselves. It must be terrible to be them. I feel sorry for them, but not sorry enough to every let one back into my inner circle.

[@Dtella55]

I agree...100!

[@aspalathos8499]

They are

[@aspalathos8499]

They feel emptiness inside. Easily bored. Above all very low self esteem. Empath has low self esteem but at least can start working on it and learn but narcissist can't because they are in their mind the best. Videos like this can educate empaths so they can recognise dynamics in relationships and treat narcissist as they deserve not as someone they need validation from for them being good.

[@trishg8852]

I agree! I've seen it...

[@HopeEternal777]

Brilliant thank you dr....my exact experience. I blamed myself..just not good enough, not exciting enough, not entertaining enough, not beautiful enough...so I try harder...harder to please ..harder to be what I'm not...and it went on for years! I was a total mess!

[@blitz19113]

Hope you’re better.

[@kristinej.4182]

I’ve been there too. I fully understand.

[@Mickey_Bauer]

"During the discard phase, the illusion of perfect union is shattered and often in a humiliating manner such as when the narcissist has moved on and signals this explicitly by flaunting a new partner" - so true, boom 💥

[@emf3391]

Most extreme childhood trauma that was never resolved might seek revenge.

[@jasonreimer4742]

True

[@mattblom3990]

My narc ex experience no love or touch from her dad except getting berated and punched. It doesn't excuse anything but I understand what forged her.

[@1Point6One8]

It has been 2 years now since I left, but I still come to these videos to try and understand what happened. Unfortunately, my family does not really understand emotional abuse. I quit trying to seek validation from anyone. Your videos have helped me tremendously Dr. May God reward you.

[@stadiabrathwaite4777]

No need to seek validation because they already know who you are it's just that people rather you not be that person because they realise that you are different in comparison and that shows them who they are and it fears them because they have to wonder if you can see them too ( which you can )

[@kaikali1610]

I recommend book Why does he do that? If you're still on it

[@gitsome7118]

You just helped me dodge a bullet. I just started talking to a female narc. My gut told me that the overly complementary talk and the quick I love you, was a major red flag. Thanks for validating my concern.

[@mariesprowl2348]

Amazing and interesting. Wish I understood my own empathic nature 20 years ago. The devalue and discard phase was so painful and felt deliberate to cause pain. I should’ve ran from the get go.

[@raccuia1]

Marie Sprowl, we are all saying the same. If only we knew this stuff before.

[@mariesprowl2348]

joseph raccuia I know , so much suffering as a result . They (we) need to teach these dynamics to kids/teens.

[@garimaheath]

Same here. Completely blindsided... boundaries breached and non existent by the time I met the narc. I was just a natural snack for the narc. Very accurately described and broken down.

[@trishg8852]

Marie Sprowl same here. It took a long time for me to have access to this information .I thank God for the internet. My counselor only briefly mentioned ever so softly, he's a narcissist. But never explained it to me. It just went right over my head..so to speak. I finally researched it myself, 5 years later. Then, I found the note I wrote with her saying narcissist. Just crazy. That this is not taught to young girls.

[@silkyjay869]

Teach this to 2019 men you mean. God help us.

[@addapavan5200]

Love-Bombing is just like a Trojan Horse.

[@nerdincognitosue3560]

It is Adda! Love that analogy!

[@jofriedman4528]

Yes!!

[@cat4331]

What’s Trojan horse

[@addapavan5200]

@@cat4331 see dictionary and also Know about Trojan war.

[@mermaidlorelei1045]

adda pavan Brilliant comparison!!!

[@DOTMH_1]

I met one and the love bombing was off the wall. I could never trust him. I noticed he lied about the smallest things. Now I'm in the devaluing position because I question him. I will let him walk away he has to much baggage.

[@srmillard]

*Comparing you to others (exes)*. Interesting. Never made that connection. That happened A LOT, and yes it's a critical/devaluating act. Thanks.

[@SonyCamry]

yes she kept saying how her ex did this and that t her

[@demigaines5644]

Thank U So Very Much For Sharing Your Videos Are So Very Helpful. After So Many Yrs Of Abuse.. I Was Horribly DisCarded. I Struggle With Going No Contact... Narcissists Abuse Is The Worst Abuse Ever.

[@moniquemosley2122]

Can you do a video on how empaths can silence inner judge and cultivate humility? I watched your series and am interested in more. Thanks

[@helenyates3951]

Wow a lawyer notices!! Thank you so much. In my divorce my ex hired a lawyer also a brutal narcissistic personality. My lawyer an empathic woman. So guess what..I walked away with zero after a marriage of 32 years long supporting my ex through university then theology college and training to become a priest. He proved to be a narcissist who exploited my kindness compassion generosity etc..I had no home no financial support and at age 58 it was a huge challenge to rebuild my life. He remarried 8 weeks after the divorce. I have rebuilt my whole life and sustained my relationship with my children and now grandmother. A huge amount of effort required.

[@sunflower1426]

Very astute. It's the repetition of the love-bombing then devaluation that's key to understanding this bizarre dance. You have to put a full stop to it to survive! You'll never get love out of it.

[@infowolf1]

so they are dissastisfied as they realize this person is a separate being.

[@lesliel.6260]

What's interesting is if you ask the narcissist whats wrong, why are they mad, what did you do, what can you do to make them happy, ect....they won't tell you, I know now it's pathological and therefore not sensible, but they think you are a mind reader and they have this unrealistic fantasy that they themselves don't even live up to but they blame all their flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings on you or someone else.

[@real_hello_kitty]

exactly.

[@Gwen13061]

My husband never love bombed. He was very cool and it was a normal dating experience. Two mature people getting engaged then married. Criticism and all the other behaviors happened the day after our honeymoon.

[@gmonkey6523]

How long before you met and then got married?

[@genevajuniper7505]

Gwen13061 mine didn’t love bomb either, but he did pursue me.

[@lisabouchard4510]

My ex narc proposed to me at the Eiffel tower within one year of Meeting him and the devastation started the evening of our wedding day.

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

I didn't marry the guy from my first major relationship but he was amazingly perfect the first two years. Once we had a house and business together, he gradually turned into a nightmare. After I left he stalked me for a year; I also found out he'd been cheating me financially.

[@truth-is-now6745]

Their brain patterns operate completely differently to normal humans. I think narcs are if not possessed, certainly influenced by supernatural dark side. This is something we no longer talk about but it needs to be talked about. There are different types of consciousness and conscious entities operating in this reality outside of the visible light spectrum.

[@kurpalm0n966]

Truth Is Now999: I think you're absolutely right. I've experienced this powerful malignancy in myself, whenever being in deeper states of mind. Reptilian or not, I'm still finding it easier to accept being evil than trying to purge those super strong entities away. If such purging succeeded, what would be left? A semi-functional human being at best, or something less? Why give away my inner brilliance, when I have no guarantee of getting anything better to replace it?

[@truth-is-now6745]

@@kurpalm0n966 Good talks on this channel on narcissism. Check them out.

[@tammilynne]

Exactly! I agree!

[@kurpalm0n966]

@@truth-is-now6745 Indeed. I watched them immediately after they showed up, but thanks anyway. :)

[@triciagarea9576]

I believe they have a evil spirit talking to them .The narcissist in my life goes to church. He believes its the Holy Spirit telling him to cause pain in others to make him feel better about himself. I pray to God and left that church.

[@trishg8852]

Thank you so much 💕 it is challenging for an empath to be in this relationship. You are kept off-balance, feeling insecure. And, you try to figure out what's going on. Not until you research it, and discover it's NPD, you're dealing with, does it begin to make sense. Thank you so much for your channel, and vids. God bless you! 💗💖💜💗💗

[@springfauna1465]

I am an empath who has ended a 4 year relationship with a covert narcissist, and I can absolutely attest that everything you're saying is a solid fact!! I have gone through so many cycles of this horrific process that this narcissist has put through, that I'm still reeling inside from it all!! It's my hope that I can now educate myself to understand what has happened because in understanding I can then move forward with a little more ease. I'm also seeing a therapist here locally to help aid with the healing. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!!! I truly appreciate it!!!

[@jake373]

This explanation describes my experience very accurately. My Spidy senses tingled when she told me I was unlike anyone she’d ever been with. She’d been married twice, so that didn’t quite add up. She definitely quieted my inner critic which had been tough but fair. I was fairly aware of my strengths and weaknesses. She appeared to love me the way I wanted to be loved essentially. Then, unexpectedly she’d pull the table cloth from the table like a magician leaving all the table ware in place. She’d just disappear. She would highlight my inadequacies and compare me to coworkers who had previously been described as worthless. I’d be completely devastated and moreover confused. Then she’d be back. She’d return to some normalcy. I knew it was wrong, but I was too far down the rabbit hole and just started to accept it was part of being in a relationship with her. After all, no one is perfect. Then I stumbled upon this material and had the AhHa! Moment so to speak. Still pretty painful despite the revelation and being able to put a label on it all. Thanks for the vids, they do help. Really looking forward to the next one!

[@soleildemidi]

I feel that you explain my experience as if you've read my mind. It's exact! Thank you for your validating and thoughtful exploration of this issue Abdul. I feel calm comfort knowing this issue is real and my instincts have been correct all along. Very much looking forward to next week's instalment!

[@ShecallsmeSusan]

So helpful as always. I fell and fell hard for a narcissist, move to another state, and then was belittled and ignored among other things. Luckily I wasn't dependant on this person and got out fairly quickly and then they never spoke to me again, acted like I no longer existed.

[@rachelmyers3228]

wow. nearly the same. except I DID become financially dependent on him because he encouraged me to do so.I trusted too much. Never again.

[@octavia88]

ah, lucky you! My narc still checks me out on social media and writes me the occasional email trying to desperately seek my attention...last time he wrote "please don't reply" hahahahha, I didn't fall for that. I know that being ignored hurts him the most.

[@wendyronk123]

You just described my experience to a “T”. Thank you so much for all of your very informative and helpful videos!

[@nathaliedufour3891]

I had that awful experience with whom i thought was my best friend. Thank you so much

[@Sunshine-gv6nd]

Thank you Mr. Saad. Your video is spot on. 👍 Idealization, love-bombing, hoovering, devaluing and discarding, gaslighting, smear campaigns; one phase right after the other, over and over and over again. It's like being on a wild rollercoaster ride that looked fun, challenging and invigorating from afar. You decide to get on, in the beginning you start to enjoy yourself until you reach the top and plummet downward, as your breath is taken away. The ride continues, you are now being turned violently around the corners, you start to feel ill, rubbing your sore neck from the jerking motions. You want to get off. Crying out for the ride to stop was to no avail. You had to wait until the one controlling the off and on switch made it stop. Once it finally stopped and you got off, you realized that all the anxiety, stress, dizziness, feeling I'll and needing a chiropractor for a neck adjustment, just wasn't worth doing all over again. What you thought was going to be a thrill, unbeknown to you, was to your own demise. Stay away from these evil masqueraders, better known as narcissists! They are no joy ride. Shalom, Christ's servant 👏👏👏👏👏🤗

[@onuktav]

Once again, a very precise depiction of the confusing behaviour and the underlying dynamics. It helps me see my twisted ex-relationship in a clear light, for what it really was. Now I can see why and where I took the wrong step and how I could have protected myself. Thank you. I am so grateful for the insight.

[@harrycrowe7557]

This is exactly what I went through with my female ex narc. Thank God she ditched me after a few months and I dodged a bullet. But man, did it mess my head up! I got in touch with a couple of guys she dated back in the 80's and they experienced the exact same thing! She love bombs for a couple of months, then the devaluation for a few weeks with intermittent ghosting and breadcrumbing (during this time she's grooming and exploring the new supply). Then out of nowhere, the cruel and sudden discard followed by her flaunting the new supply. She's 61 years old and has been repeating this cycle for over 40 years. Do the math, she's literally done this to hundreds of victims. And OMG, the lying was off the charts! She lied about EVERYTHING!! Lied about the stupidest things.

[@tacmason]

My Father has been a Narcissist my whole life. I only began to understand this completely three years ago. Your videos have been greatly appreciated by myself and my Sister as we have had to pull away from adult contact with Him as the only appropriate response to all of the things said and done by Him-against us. When Our Mother died from Cancer-my Father clearly implied that She ruined His retirement plans because "She left me". The hard part is that He seems to be displaying early signs of dementia-and is always quite negative, combative, and selfish. Like a 'Human Black Hole" He ruins all who draw near enough to be drawn in by His deceptive routines. anyways-Your very thoughtful videos have been of tremendous Value to all of us reeling from the prolonged effects of Narcissism !!!!

[@andynixon2820]

Hello , had a very similar experience and I know what you mean . Having to deal with a deeply narcissistic father is a troubling experience that drains you both physically and emotionally , once you make that break from their influence it becomes obvious just how destructive they are . And like you I've found these talks incredibly enlightening , brilliantly helpful and arm you with all the useful information you need to help move on with your life . Good luck in the future to both you and your sister .

[@nerdincognitosue3560]

@@andynixon2820 Andy that is my experience also. Once away from my toxic narcissitic family, have been no contact for a year, I too see how destructive it was/is. Wishing you well. Thank-you for sharing, it helps my healing to know others have been through the same.

[@chumajamesnxele106]

Tf? Me too!! Especially the early dementia stuff.

[@ginaheaton2203]

Very enlightening. Your talks just make me more present and aware.

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Gina Heaton,hope you are not with a narc 🙄 cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌷!

[@KaddyFeast]

As I've mentioned before I suffered through, and survived, 2 at the same time. A covert and a grandiose who immediately and are still together 2 years later. This video was a grand revelation. I still thought I was being dramatic in using the word "destroy" but they both were for different reasons and honestly I'm still reeling a little and continue to try to make sense. Thanks for these. It has been an important piece in my recovery. And may all the survivors lean into their value and love 💘!

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Kaddy Feast,you deserve better

[@treacheroustiger5571]

Thank you, Mr Saad this has been very educational.

[@leeboriack8054]

I have had two nstcicistic partners. The love bombing phase is very addictive and that starts the disconnecting w emotional support of family and friends. Then the narcissist controls all your emotional support. RUN!

[@MissSarahGM]

In my experience, I believe they first saw me as a "love object" and truly idealized me and adored me. He mentioned in the beginning that he was hopelessly romantic and was now trying to not expect everything from his lover. I understand now that he had some awareness of his immaturity (despite being over40) and had unrealistic expectations of a perfect partner that would save him. As you say Dr Saad, it didn't take long before I received subtle signs of devaluation. I interpret it now as he felt I failed him and needed to be punished : subtle triangulation, disconnect from you in your presence, silent treatment, not acknowledging my messages or questions. Not even asking how I was doing, nor even using my name anymore. The discard and hurtful silence that has followed for months is emotionally difficult for me as I truly experienced the "honeymoon" time together as something real. Hearing you say they can be sincere when idealizing (even with their immature and disordered structure) is a bit relieving to me. The idea they fake to love us from the beginning as it is often said about people with NPD has been very re-traumatizing.

[@peternikitin2910]

Thank you so much Abdul. Are you thinking of ever doing a specialised series on narcissistic parents (as opposed to romantic partners)?

[@MrImASkeleton]

I would love this. Especially the perspective of having children with a narcissistic person and you're no longer living together. Being shackled forever to a person you would prefer to have no contact with and the worry of how the the other person uses the children while you're not around.

[@RebelUntilTheEnd]

That would be an excellent video! I could see my ex narc “grooming and training” her daughter when we were together. I always thought something was odd with her daughter until I learned about NPD and narcissism. Then it made sense. Her daughter was basically an extension of her.

[@melaniel7263]

Yesss! I’m sure my mother has narcissistic traits and would love to learn more. Great suggestion!!

[@maplenook]

How about siblings

[@susanduke326]

Here, here! I’d like more on being a parent with an NPD parent too. Further, would love to see a video or series on parental alienation. The deep sorrow in losing connection with one’s precious children is challenging to respond to in a healthy way. What’s healthy for our children? What’s healthy for us, the alienated parents? I continue to think of my daughter every day, despite not having seen her for 7 years now, with very little and strained connection. She’s almost 26. If I’d only been able to see what was happening for what it was... As narcissistic tendencies rise in our culture, what can we do for the next generation, whether that be for our own or for other alienated children?

[@vals74]

That is an interesting question, and I look forward to viewing your next video on this topic. Thank you for bringing these truths to light.

[@SuperMarion61]

Thanks so much for this video & the previous two in this strand, so informative, clear & in “laymans language”. Look forward to more.

[@Nea1wood]

Best, most balanced account I've seen yet. So refreshing to have both sides explained so coherently

[@MrImASkeleton]

The timing of this video could not have been better. It really helped me access some deeply buried emotion surrounding the idealization phases. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You!

[@startrace515]

Thank you for this very clear information, it is really helpful to distinguish what is going on. I also appreciate how you don't demonize the narcissist as many KZbinr's get caught up in (gossip has always been a turn off to me no matter what the issue). Instead, the clearcut information has helped me pinpoint what is actually occuring. All of your last 3 videos on this topic have done so in a way I can absorb and assimilate without devaluing anyone, just an actual aknowledgement of what is occuring. This helps cut through the crazy making without making anymore. Thank you.

[@Prash1c]

Fantastic video! Thank you! Crazy how generalizable/accurate to real life these descriptions can be.

[@Bahbahlatje]

I love your videos. Always great information that really help gain greater clarity on the dynamics of a narcissist and empath.

[@priyamadappa1]

Thank you for making these videos and bringing forth this wisdom and educating. They have really helped put perspective and bring clarity to what I have felt

[@ai172]

Thank you, Dr. Saad🙏 You are once again spot on, unbiased, compassionate and knowledgeable with your analysis. You have and continue to help thousands of empaths including myself. I sincerely thank you for empowering me with this knowledge. You are always in my prayers❤

[@runwiththewind3281]

Thank you for helping me understand

[@danieb4273]

These are the most comprehensive videos I have seen to date on the narcissistic/ empath dance. For the first time it the behavior and the consequences and the roles we have played are crystal clear. I hope to get myself unhooked w this valuable information. I am truly heartbroken to realize I have been in this type of relationship, but I see at least today, the only way out is through releasing myself. I will be watching the empath series next...thank you for the practical steps I can do to heal myself and to the insight as to where my behaviors need attention.

[@mariannethames962]

Another great chapter in my journey on self transformation. They can be soo believable when trying to get you back. They go all out. Pull your forgiving heart as wonderful all was not in vain. Then when all is said and done they do it again. It does not seem possible. But it is.

[@reneec9947]

Thank you for your videos. Spot on as always.

[@nerdincognitosue3560]

Abdul, another amazing video. You always pack so much important information into a short period. I was cruelly discarded by a "malignant" narcissist (my ex-fiancé - found in our bed with another woman - very traumatic & crushing). I took the past year to stop dating & also I went no contact with my very abusive/toxic family to work on myself. I'm so very grateful for your wise advice. I'm finally seeing healthy progress in my life & so much is "clarified."

[@SFranny]

I can't explain the emotion I feel watching this video... to hear you tell all of our stories with such accuracy. It's bittersweet. I'm one hand it's validating to know that the narcissist was the defective one; that their gaslighting and devaluing was the function of their own operating system. But it is also painful to know how oblivious one was to the game that was played.

[@monicachristiansen4055]

I just found you and this briljant material a few days ago. I must admit I`m binging, the material is beyond good. And so well explained! You`re a very good teacher. As an empath, it`s nice to get to learn more abt the patterns that has been getting me into trouble in (most) of my relationships for all my life. Looking forward to learning more. Thanks for being an excelent teacher. Bless.

[@ACE-zo6st]

Thank you for esplaining the reactions of the narcissist in breakups. Very enlightening and helpful. I'm learning so much from your videos.

[@mbw6785]

Thanks for posting. Seeing this was a “wow” moment for me. Very helpful as always I just wish that I’d known then what I know now so that I could pay attention to those red flags

[@lendrury2771]

Excellent video and very educational I dealt with a worst case narcissist for 3 years and it tore me apart but I've begun to learn and read testimonials of people who went through the same thing which is helping me to heal

[@ipeteagles]

Thank you for making these man!

[@esgravois]

This pattern is behind many abusive relationships

[@sunnydayz3756]

During this phase if only we knew it was Hell lost and not Paradise lost. Iv’e lost all my siblings/parents due to personality disorders all part of a generational curse. Awakened to being an empath and aware of all these phases now moving forward. Thankful during my suffering I was brought to your videos and many others. Have learned so much by you!! TY

[@startrace515]

Well said LL ♡♡♡

[@kw8768]

Thanks for such an easy to understand, scholarly/scientific explanation of this (and all your other videos as well).

[@sameerthakur1737]

Thankyou so much for making this video. Very well articulated.

[@marcod1302]

I think that's a very good post. A must share. It helps me a lot. Very good input. Thanks.

[@nancywysemen7196]

Appreciate your clear analysis and description.

[@Saffeyah]

You basically described word for word what happened to me (the empath) in such a destructive relationship. I never came in contact which such a person in my entire. I'm 2 weeks no contact. So raw and pretty much felt like this person destroyed my soul. Thank you for this video.

[@irielion3748]

How are you doing now? I'm 6 weeks into no-contact.

[@jcskow]

I've watched a boatload of youtube videos about this topic (and plenty of the purported "experts" seem to plagiarize), but this is by far the most accurate explanation/summation of the romantic experience with a narcissist. Took me a long, long time to understand what happened to me. Wish I'd watched this years ago, though it's possible, maybe even likely, that I wasn't ready to grasp it all...

[@oysterhouse4444]

I lived through this. This is extremely accurate!

[@salystar8683]

I experienced every single feeling you described in this video and yes it's painful! Although I know I've never loved him, but still I was hooked! The good part it was for a very short period as he had a very high expectations that he couldn't find in me! Thanks Dr. Abdul

[@singingeaglep3253]

OMG! So true!!! Wish I knew this many years ago! Thank you!!!!

[@joanneloesner1264]

Thank you so much. Your videos are always most helpful 👍☺

[@christinabrooks1967]

Thank you for the information about the love/devalue cycle. This is what happened to me. When I wanted to take my anti anxiety medication before my dinner date, I realized I needed to leave. I'm so grateful to you.

[@user-xu9dt8mb3p]

You Sir, are an absolute blessing!! May you continue to be inspired to enlighten and empower those lost in this God awful condition. Both sides. Thank you Thank you Thank you!! Bravo!

[@northstar5919]

He is very good. See also dr Less Carter

[@helenyates3951]

Thank you Abdul. All your vidios are very wise and so invaluable for us empathic people who usually individuals who have come from a narcissist parent. We are wounded and seek love to aid our self value. Huge huge mistake and we must grow up and heal into a mature human being. This will take many years and enduring inner work on our self esteem and our own vulnerability and authenticity. Its a tough long journey but with Gods grace we can do this. Thank you for your help Abdul.

[@themsdoc1231]

100% true. Congrats for an informative, extremely valuable content..

[@faith_9677]

This is exactly correct as I've experienced it. Thank you

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Faith_9,hope you are not with a narc 🙄 cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌺!

[@darrisharobinson6184]

I hope that you and your family are safe during the horrific Australian fires🙏🏽♥️ God bless

[@barefootlumberjack]

Oh wow. I'm the empath and the survivor. I need to run this video on repeat. So accurate.

[@spice8831]

Excellently explained, thank you.

[@sherryelebeauty]

I'm going through all of this right now! Thank you so much...

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

sherryelebeauty,you deserve better

[@marierose6792]

Thank you for this explanation. When the cycle reaches its ,push pull discard, an empath asks why why why? I stayed for 6 months continually spun into horrific confusion, frozen in shock and asking "Why???" In a book, "When Good Men Go Bad" the author kept asking for 5 years. I had 44 years of a saintly husband. He had been leading a double life. In both cases , and in many accounts the answer finally given, by the narcissist was a flippant one. My X also expressed infantile jealousy and hatred. Can you tie in this aspect of their rage? You are one commentator that brought this idea up in a previous video. Why destroy when they could just walk away to their new supply?

[@nerdincognitosue3560]

Marie, it's because they are essentially projecting their inner rage & their narcissistic "injury", etc.

[@southerncross5360]

As someone who’s had their life ruined financially and emotional by one of these masked monsters, this video says more than 100 on narcissism. This explains what our state of confusion is like, the thoughts. It’s questioning and self sabotage, what’s up from down, and why is someone telling I’m someone I’m not, but then start to question have I lost my mind...did I do anything wrong or did he cheat because I was bad...it’s horrible Excellent work here that may help a lot of people! Many and in my experience he left me for dead and he plays ghost but he’s alive...Very hard pill to swallow, choking as it goes down...So disappointing another human being can be so cruel even say they love you until they’re gone...

[@oriwellness2020]

Thanks, Doc! This is intellectual gold.

[@GS-st9ns]

What a mess. These people are Disturbed beyond my most vivid imagination. I have had to see too many of them in my travels. I really appreciate your video on the making of a narcissist. I am in the process of seeking counseling to help my fourteen-year-old grand daughter who knows something is wrong but the family is denying it. I look forward to your future postings.

[@ACE-zo6st]

Thank you so much for your videos on narcissists in romantic relationships. My son is stuck in one and I figured out early on she's going to "discard" him. They have a wonderful child who's very young and I know she will use their daughter to hurt him with no real regard for their child. I'm saving all your videos, for them and myself. My mother was a covert narcissist as is my d-i-l and my sib was a grandiose narcissist. I hated that, until I finally accepted my son is stuck with this woman, and then I realized my experiences can help him and my grandchild some day. No matter how painful living with those people was, it's not a total lost loss if I can be there for my son and grandchild.

[@shelleyd9910]

Thank you. Idealization has been very tricky to understand. It did not seem to fit but now I see it.

[@doublelibra357]

Thank you for explaining the connection between NPD and BPD.

[@johng.4959]

Thank you for this video! Yes... you just described my ex-GF. She loved to keep me going with her "bread crumbing". Of course... being an empath doesn't help this at all! In fact, it's the perfect combination for a Narc. Hard lesson to learn for many of that can't fathom a Narc's method of operating. They are devious and unscrupulous! They know what they are doing...

[@samanthabraun217]

Thank you for sharing your gift and work in healing with all of us. Would you consider talking about the discard phase as it relates to kids or how to help them though it while they are still children/teens? Thank you again for your time and care in sharing these lessons... Much love and mad respect 🙌💗.

[@danielwiggins5739]

Very well explained. Legend. Thank you

[@calvingrondahl1011]

Insightful, the comments I have read are interesting too.

[@kgrymp]

Excellent insights!!!

[@GTTalera]

Excellent vid and channel! The Narc always hangs baits (fake promises and fake relationship) for the empath, then draws him close face-to-face with hooks to devalue & destroy him. If one doesn't keep up No Contact, that will happen again!

[@genevajuniper7505]

GTTalera hmmm this doesn’t make sense. My narc discarded me bc he was afraid of being rejected by me (for the type of relationship he wanted).

[@slgreetings]

Wow! Great stuff!!!