Why Narcissists Tempt You and How to Break Free

Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Dr. Fox’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder Workbook: www.amazon.com...
Ever wonder what it is about narcissists that you’re attracted to? Well, it’s very similar to your love for chocolate cake. In this video we're going to talk about the Chocolate Cake Model of dating narcissists and what it means for you and your relationship, and then I’m going to give you some tips to avoid narcissistic enticement.
There is a model called the Chocolate Cake Model that looks at the experience of relationships with narcissists from the partner’s viewpoint. The chocolate cake is a metaphor for describing this experience.
Research on dating patterns of narcissists reveals that their relationships tend to be shallow, fleeting, and deficient in commitment. Narcissists tend to be on the constant search for a better partner, someone smarter, sexier, or more compliant. They’re on the constant prowl for replacements to their current relationship, tend to engage in relationship game-playing, date as a means for self-enrichment, and place little, if any, emphasis on developing emotional depth and intimate relationships with others.
They attract romantic partners by being charming, having or presenting as if they have high social status, and present as sexually attractive in the short term. When we pull all these together we see that when you become involved with a narcissist, there is initially a high level of attraction and a short period of positive feelings toward the narcissistic individual, AKA honeymoon phase, “chocolate cake yummy-time”. However, as time goes on the negative psychological and social factors come out, which includes regret that can last significantly longer than the actual relationship ever does or did.
So you’re attracted to narcissists or you’re in a relationship with a narcissists, what can you about it:
1. Forgive yourself - don’t go inward and blame yourself.
2. Assess your relationship and how you’re treated.
3. Look at the 7 relationship hopes and realities and see where you are along these spectrums.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com...
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
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LinkedIn: / drdfox
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Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: [e-mail]
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[@TerryGuzmanMartinez]

In my experience, narcissistic people look for good, intelligent, charming but vulnerable people, who likes to help and "please" people. We must be more secure of ourselves and a bit selfish.

[@LoganStyles21]

The Narcs search for Empaths

[@TerryGuzmanMartinez]

@@LoganStyles21 You're right. Empaths and also intelligent people.

[@mssmiles0503]

@@TerryGuzmanMartinez 100% I'm an empath and have been a magnet for these people

[@TerryGuzmanMartinez]

​@@mssmiles0503 I guess so am I, but I'm learning to set healthy boundaries. We can't (don't have to) change our way of being but neither being a samaritan with everybody.

[@0katykate0]

The best thing I’ve done as a person with BPD, was to wait a Narc out. It took 6 months but he eventually took his mask off. Don’t listen to words, watch behavior. -and they will be back, so stay woke and set firm boundaries.

[@Princess_Of_The_Most_High]

Girl you just spoke to me. Thanks 🙏🏻 needed to not feel alone for a moment.

[@doloreschansey9556]

I've been married for a year and 5 months. My wife has recently been talking to my mother who is a narcissist, and I can see some of the qualities of my mother showing in my wife, and it is starting to cause some real problems. For example, if I don't do something that my wife wants me to do, she will stop talking to me, and block my phone number so we can't even talk or text on the phone. It is making a very difficult relationship and my wife was never like this. Far from it. It will likely result very quickly here in divorce if she does not stay away from my mother.

[@bentosan]

Look at behaviour not words

[@nietzschesmuse]

The best way for me to stop dating men with unhealthy narcisism it was to become conscious of my own.

[@mssmiles0503]

I strongly suspect my newly ex boyfriend has NPD. He has said as much and his mom is a psychologist and told me he has deep depression and provokes. I told him he had to seek counseling or we were done and he picked the door. He had me convinced I had a disorder and I am currently weaning off Wellbutrin because after being on the med for nearly a year and nothing changed and he is still acting the same, I know it is him not me. I am heartbroken and angry. He provoked, name called, mocked etc then blamed it all on me when I would cry and react. He became a social shut-in in the last few years and is anti-social. I cannot fix someone who has deep depression and issues.

[@cloverkitkat6917]

The more my BPD subsides the less I am attracted to narcs. DBT and Dr. Fox BPD workbook saved my life

[@0katykate0]

That chart was eye opening. I have a hard time discerning what is a healthy relationship and what isn’t -that just opened up so many doors for me. Thank you dr Fox 🙌🏻

[@brewberry3894]

They wouldn't date someone who knew they were scandalous. They need someone new who is unaware, and who will buy their false persona and readily enable them. They need new relationships because they selfishly abuse people and destroy every single relationship.

[@le_th_]

Narcissists are novelty seeking. One of their mantras is "variety is the spice of life". They also have a near-constant need...not want, a NEED...for narcissistic supply. Narcissists have a constant need to "upgrade" their spouses, homes, cars, cell phones, their wardrobe....so they can be admired. All of those things together are why narcissists need new narcissistic supply so they can be ongoingly admired by others. Narcissists are essentially dopamine addicts.

[@heatherr9640]

i’m so happy this is here ! i’m BPD and leaving a narcissist rn.

[@killianblehm492]

I have BPD traits and the trauma bond is really rough for me with my ex abuser. I think it causes me to split back and forth so much that I keep gaslighting myself. She’s good, she’s bad, I think she’s bad so I must actually be the bad one. Do you have any videos specifically for people along the borderline spectrum who are trying to get out/stay out of of abusive relationships??

[@chilloften]

So cool, not only does it describe why we keep finding narcs but also explains why we go back or keep wishing to even though we know what we know. It’s so sick. An addiction.

[@psych-ryry]

The relationship with her was intense and filled my void until the day she left. It had only been 6 months. That was 4 years ago, and I have felt more broken than any other loss in my life. Only now am I realizing that I was "in love" with the promises and the poetic honeymoon she gave me. And it wasn't real. My brokenness was like a protracted withdrawal from the most potent drug -- and realizing this points to my core content. I know this insight is helping me with acceptance and now I'm trying to figure out how to not feel so empty and dissociated from life. That's how I need to move forward.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's important to reflect on past relationships and grow from them.

[@acevanspace8083]

Hey, would you consider making a video about how to best support a partner who has been gaslighted before? In what ways it affects a new relationship and how to help someone who's still healing from narcissistic abuse to feel safe in a new relationship? I feel like there's hardly any guidance out there for the parther's perspective on it. P.S. I love your videos! They've always been super helpful for me to understand my own BPD. I appreciate what you're doung and it's so refreshing to see someone go at it with such respect and empowerment! Cheers!

[@strugglingmillennial1298]

I’m guilty of giving too many chances and tolerating abusive behavior. Sadly I was conditioned to be this way from childhood. Thankfully with these videos I can come back to reality and not rationalize abuse of any kind.

[@Nat-hu4gq]

Well my ex was a very good charmer. He mirrored my interests like the cliche "sweep me of my feet". My friend's sister found him on dating apps. He was pursuing my replacement. Had one set up and then he dumped me over text after he dropped me off at home

[@virgogirl8506]

Ouch. Just watch for the Hoover! They always look for a way back!

[@JeanLewis-y6c]

Omg. Mannhad double lifec4 yrs did gaslighting. Messed with my. Reiki took years befub feel sain

[@JeanLewis-y6c]

Charmer gosh the grandiose of ot it u dare to. Belive on self was horrific stalked ect 4 yrs he wouldn't back of as full term lady arrived his other woman after 14 yrs gosh 😮 then I got 3 yrs peace and ouch he oped bk on my life and now holding to word of error we r married lol he sat outside my flat rang text tjr works very scary to get shut took me 12 months getnout of it this tym divorce now. Pending the gaslightung was real

[@JeanLewis-y6c]

​@virgogirl8506 hoover lol aqa vax yes excuses and cards on convincing me to his coersivenesz he really does belive I love him or he man have a chance wrecked my birthday yesterday. This man c convinced everyone he loved me and that irlt wasn't for his ends dried my. Family freinds away 😮

[@rmyosp]

Please make a video about how someone with bpd handles a family member who is narcissist.

[@evadebruijn]

The hypocritical double standard is where it ends for me. You want to be god in your universe fine. The not accepting everyone is master in their own universe is to me proof this stems from very early childhood trauma, there is a baby like quality to it. They're excellent mirrors though to point you in the right direction to tap into your personal power, follow your own voice and path, and I feel gratitude for that.

[@jennifermaxine2453]

Having Bpd traits from past trauma...I've dated both overt & covert narcissists. The covert narcissist is very sexually attracted to borderlines. They seem to be conflicted with the sexual gradification & the borderline unmasking them, or the borderline resenting their lack of reciprocation. Over time, a narcissist disappoints both sexually & psychologically.... they cannot learn new behaviors. They want to punish sexually & my last partner was more emotionally unstable then I am...only sensitive to his own feelings...he wanted to punish everyone & blamed society for his problems...tried to scapegoat me...constant projection, deflection, gaslighting...& delusional/paranoid etc...All the while, he was overly sensitive, but never acknowledged me in any way(hypocrite)....phew...that was very traumatic for me...I was sucked in & felt sorry for him...he would try to mimic me as well....bad move on my part & confusing for someone with Bpd as they don't know anything but trauma bonding.

[@guineaxpigsx]

It makes me feel like I am the narcissist for the part that says honeymoon phase, but in reality I have micro-analyzed my partner beforehand to meet all of their wants and needs, and to avoid abandonment I try to be everything they want.. until they realize I am doing it, and that I have bpd, which may be toxic and make them confused :( but I'm not sure..its tough :(

[@guineaxpigsx]

can someone tell me if there is a difference here or am I being both the narcissist and the person with bpd in the beginning of a relationship :(

[@spacecityhtx1617]

I would like to know too... I feel I have a lot of traits of covert narcissism but also fit all the criteria for BPD. I am always in co-dependent relationships that end up very volatile in a very short time.

[@melinaburkhardt421]

@John Doe Self-gaslighting might be the key to my growing confusion wether I am narc, bpd,codependent.Or maybe sometimes reality is not always as schematic as on yt, not black and white.

[@morbidmusing]

as a woman with BPD and CPTSD, I respond to people who are authoritative, dominant and take on a caregiver role. I think I am attracted to narcissists because they display all of these qualities and are very direct in their expression of wanting to care for me and take on a parental role. not cute or healthy, I know.

[@monk3110]

Could you do a video on, how to address and correct the damage from childhood traumas in treatment when you can’t remember your childhood?

[@SovereignDirt]

You talked about romantics but not parents, which in my opinion can best be described as having a mother (and father) trying to manipulate you the same way the witch in Hansel and Gretel lures children into the oven. *Holy crap, as children, mom always pretended to cook us for thanksgiving, we all have nick names related to Thanksgiving food dishes.

[@trelletay]

I have watched a lot of videos about narcissism recently. I feel like I may identify with the covert narcissist. All of the videos I have watched have been about helping people who have to deal with narcissists. Any videos about helping people with narcissism? What if a person is aware that they have a problem and hates being the cause of someone's pain or unhappiness?

[@DrDanielFox]

In have a video on treating narcissism you may way to check out.

[@melinaburkhardt421]

I struggle with the same problem, the more videos on yt I watch about narcissistic abuse, the more confused I become about myself. The fact that Borderline and Covert Narcissists do have similiarities is thoroughly described in Dr.Ramanis series on all things concerning narcissism. But watch out and don't let it drag you down too much, especially if you are doubtful of who you are or your suspicions about yourself being a covert narcissist instead of a person suffering from BPD. Hardcore covert narcs are judged as vulnerable, but they lack empathy and self-reflection,they gaslight and lie without remorse, only being afraid of getting caught in the act,whereas you seem to suffer while you act out on people. Maybe you may ask true friends about their opinion of your character, it can be an eye-opener.😀

[@lauragonzalezcarra7832]

Well, if you were mistreated or ignored as a child , it is possible that you have what is called " narcissistic wounds" which looks like narcissistic behaviour but it is actually not the disorder, it is just a bunch of coping mechanisms to defend yourself which are very treatable in therapy. In my experience and knowledge ( which of course is limited), pathologic narcissists do not have the capability to "own" it, nor either the capability of self reflection or criticism to one self . The disease itself prevents them from thinking that something is wrong with them. They feel empty and small all the time and the brain tries to compensate with the sense of grandiosity taking it to extremes. Total disregard and lack of empathy for others is also a common trait on NPD. Just saying :) a person with NPD does not say " I discovered that I am a narcissist and I want to be better as a person and go to therapy". In almost all the cases is family or close friends that urge the narcissistic person to go to therapy

[@melinaburkhardt421]

@@lauragonzalezcarra7832 Thank you so much for your thoroughly formulated answer. You rock! ♥️🙋

[@trelletay]

@@lauragonzalezcarra7832 I have experienced much trauma as a child and as an adult. It is very hard for me to trust people and to open up to people. I was told to ask friends and family what they thought of me and the possibility of me being a narcissist. None thought I fit the description. Still, I feel a detachment from people. I often would rather be alone and fantasize than to be around people and deal with the struggles of real life. Leaving the people I'm supposed to love to deal with struggles alone. And though I feel bad about it, it's hard for me to change my habits.

[@Mrs.Longley]

Love the food for thought lol thank you for another video. There’s always a healthier choice .

[@valariecrebbs4751]

I've been thru a chocolate relationship, I got smart before it began.

[@queenrogers3681]

Thank you Dr.Fox😁😁

[@linskynew]

oh no 💔 currently working with someone who might be this :( im scared since i see them almost every day.. and i fear they might just be another nicely wrapped box 💔💔 idk if im just being paranoid but damn.. that relationship model scale thing u showed did nothing but make me realize how unstable our current relationship is 😭😭😭 im so glad i have your youtube channel in my life 💜💜💜 also your bpd workbook is incredible!!! you are truly helping so many people with your content 😞💜 so glad i found u

[@coramerry3887]

Chocolate cake yummy time, Dr Fox for helping me pay attention, lol truly it helps. Simple funny analogy to help me learn how to improve my life. I was diagnosed with BPD traits last year and I was shocked ,ashamed and angry with this diagnosis. Your videos have helped to encourage me soooo much.

[@mariegion8396]

Can't say I am sure I was with someone with NPD, maybe, but it would be their core content, which was the same as mine. You can identify even though superficially different

[@heythere6486]

I have diagnosed BPD. I worked in mental health for many years. I believe my mother is a narcissistic psychopath. One of my siblings has her traits. My sibling's childrens can see it in their parent. I'm so scared this cycle will damage my nieces. Neither my mother nor my sibling accept their wrong doings. It's so toxic to live with.

[@Crystalquartz964]

Best thing to do is go No Contact. I have only just done it with my narc family and my parents are 93! My money grabbing narcissistic brother is 61.

[@heythere6486]

@@Crystalquartz964 Unfortunately I live with my mother as I can't afford to move out. Maybe one day. I'm glad you got some freedom and space.

[@if-not-now]

I recommend the salad

[@xxRicket]

Could we have a video on the 7 realities and hopes?

[@HeatherDMorris]

Dairy queen blizzards are narcissist! Very interesting video thank you!

[@thereisnoninadria]

Awesome description to visualize and understand the concepts. 😁

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad to hear it!

[@Phoenixlux156]

IDK man, the last one I was with was grandiose and irritating the second he started opening his mouth and the obvious appeals to flattery really ground my gears. Looking back it was never really appealing to begin with other than that he was good looking (not moreso than me though) and talented. But that didn’t make the experience more pleasant. I personally think it’s more childhood wounding than the narc really seeming or especially *being* irresistible, though I’m sure he does and they do to people who are really complete psychology / life newbs and are easily fooled or impressed. Sex was also lackluster because I could tell it was just about him figuring out how to get a reaction out of me that made him feel good about himself when I was all about connection. I just wanted an equal in my intellect, talent, and attention to appearances, but got someone who had all that but a toddler’s attitude. Whole thing was a nightmare from the jump and I don’t think anyone in their right mind would have found it appealing; I didn’t even find it truly appealing in my left/wrong one 😅

[@melinaburkhardt421]

Phoenix H Lux You gave a very clear and well-formulated description of that toxic relationship with a grandiose narc. Thanx for teaching me, I guess you nailed it. Must have been trauma-bonding.

[@Phoenixlux156]

@@melinaburkhardt421 so glad I helped you!

[@thaLAangel]

excellent point, I think a lot of people think that npds are inevitably marginally more attractive than healthy people and all this stuff, while in reality, the counter-parts, didn't stop to notice that it was mostly fear and trauma that kept them "attracted" to the npd individual in the first place. I think a lot more people would be able to walk away if they slowed down and analysed that the actual traits of the NPD, (at least after the honeymoon /love bombing, ((which is empty by itself anyway, if it's just going to be followed by neglect or abuse)), are really undesirable/off-putting, which is why the npds rely so much on fear based manipulation to keep you in a compulsive state of ptsd flashbacks, so you don't notice that there might not be a lot of authentic attraction there in the first place. Specifically confusing traumatic compulsion without real attraction as romantic love, is something I think most people miss, even professionals. I don't even think I'm painting any idealized picture here of love and attraction, I just genuinely believe that we make ourselves believe we are "attracted", to erase the cognitive dissonance from the traumatic compulsion to stay with them, even when co-existing abuse occurs.

[@Phoenixlux156]

@@thaLAangel what a brilliant analysis… absolutely !

[@AStarryEyedLife]

Hi Dr. Fox, looking for your other channel but I can’t find it. What is it called?

[@susanbutton5990]

What about being married to a Narssesist

[@aariyahsymone4162]

Yea this deserves a course they’re terrible people

[@jean-paulfaye7794]

I hate chocolate cake 😒

[@satialynch7669]

can you do a video on hyper-sexuality and sexual repulsion

[@lauragonzalezcarra7832]

The 6 people that didn't like the video did not take good the paralelism with chocolate cake.

[@parastoomojabi6341]

you are funny :D

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks

[@sarahmitchell558]

It is a bit disturbing that a psychologist is using a metaphor that triggers and encourages eating disorders and disordered eating. Also ironic to split shall we say foods as all good or bad. Like salad is healthy (not if you have IBS) and cake as unhealthy. If you enjoy it that is pleasure which is healthy. Why the weight stigma? So sad how entrenched fear of weight gain is in psychology. Please consider your biases when producing content, I do find it helpful. Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

I think you’re misconstruing the analogy. Sorry it didn’t connect with you.

[@TrevreWxAZ]

Narcissistic traits aren’t necessarily exclusive to narcissists.

[@DrDanielFox]

True but severity of expression is. Be well.

[@samia6888]

I am codependent 😔 and let me tell you it was a total nightmare. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy....I mean my worst enemy is him! Being codependent and unable to leave him was just agonizing. The discard was truly a blessing in disguise or else I would still be with him now. If you have the ability and the strength to leave please do. This is some serious stuff.

[@vyndryxynvyrykka9950]

I'm in the same situation now and left one before. It's so difficult. I feel like I'm never going to be able to have a non-toxic relationship.

[@christinejones9316]

Blessings to all I'm still in it this is so serious I pray strong belief in God I'm never going to give up but this is very serious I wish I really wish I can have Dr. Daniel Fox he is helping so much thank God for him! This is so serious in every way it's so much I want to say it's hard for me to even put my words out there everything is so serious help please! 💗💪🙏

[@Lenoxygen]

What do Dr. Foxes videos and Narcissistic relationships have in common? I just keep coming back for more 😂😅🙄

[@edgreen8140]

Hopefully not the narc relations they won't meet your needs. You open the package and the dismmissive avoidant attachment style narc appears. Yik throw it out.

[@voojoo8539]

"Yummy time". Lol. is the funniest thing I've heard all week. I literally almost fell out of my chair. Needed that one. Thanx.

[@viv1225-w7l]

Q0qq

[@victoriam2894]

My ex, Mr. Romance, got me hooked fast. First, he said he broke up with his ex-girlfriend because his friends told him she was a narcissist. "I didn't know because i had never been with one before." This made me feel safe. Then he told me, "This is how i want you to love me. Hold my hand, look into my eyes, and care for my soul." That got me addicted to him. He was the best, yummiest chocolate cake ever. My adult son sized up the situation immediately. Told me i was under a spell and to snap out of it. It took every ounce of willpower to push away from the table and say goodbye to Mr. Romance. BAD withdrawal symptoms from only 4 months of dating. Will be smarter next time. This video, especially the table, was SO helpful. Thanks a million, Dr. Fox!!!

[@edgreen8140]

Great idea your glyvemic index would jump to high. Then too much insulin. Bad for you. But doesn't hurt as much as the narcissist. Simply put youl be put on a pedistal for a short time then devalued for real or imagined slights. They don't have object constancy -out of sight can't recall who you are or the traits you have. They can only fake the honeymoon for so long its tiring so then they cut you down for real or imagined slights. Its called splitting- your good. ,your bad- no grey areas.

[@bubblegumboobs]

I divorced my chocolate cake, after 28 yrs.. then moved back in with him 7 yrs later. (circumstance) I feel so stuck. And dumb.

[@angelladejager4439]

You are not dumb. You are loving & accepting & giving. Try to accept yourself & your situation. Sending you soul hugs

[@bubblegumboobs]

@@angelladejager4439 thank you.. I'm sending you a hug right back. It's the ones going through it, or have gone through it that understands. 💗

[@2okaycola]

@@bubblegumboobs Maman’s rules for life 1. accept it & like it 2. Accept it & don’t like it 3. Change it ~ you can do something now later or never

[@ArchAngel435]

My estranged husband of 25 yrs has gone off with his new gf. He's 64 and I can see a Narcissistic collapse coming soon. I understand that it's mental illness and I will likely take him back but not in a relationship. I'll have boundaries so that I'm not hurt again. Accept it, but don't like it

[@koolbeans8292]

They can NOT say or think about saying, “I’m really sorry what I said hurt your feelings.” Because attacking your feelings was exactly their intentions. To manipulate. So I told her that we’ve had a year to get to know each other (I have eaten the chocolate cake for a year now) and I am convinced that (I am a salad person) we are not compatible. So I got a big long text back about OK, I’ll stay out of your way I won’t bother you anymore.” But not an acknowledgment of the nasty things she said in the previous text. So if there is no acknowledgment (ownership) then there is no apology. I’m gone. I am a veteran student of these narcissists with plenty of scars. They come in all shapes and sizes and either sex, rich and poor, fat or skinny, dumb or smart, educated or uneducated. It’s got to be evil inside them. OH, BTW.... I am a highly educated professional.....Empath. Learned from my wounds!

[@lauragonzalezcarra7832]

The very fact that you say " the evil" inside them demonstrate that you are not an empath. People are not good or evil. The are fucked up and mistreated in WAY too many ways. That's why psychologists and therapists have jobs

[@koolbeans8292]

Laura González Carra It’s not your class. Sit down and shut it. You don’t have the floor sister. This is one empath that was raised around people like you. I learned to stand up to bullies. Get lost!

[@lauragonzalezcarra7832]

@@koolbeans8292 Yes Sir! As you say Sir!

[@koolbeans8292]

Laura González Carra Keep it up you’ll get what’s coming to you. Soona or late ah! Oh ya, I’m fucked up..... “rattled” that is, because I was raised cooped up with bullies like you! You’re days are coming!!

[@heatherr9640]

when we started dating he was my dream person, big fancy expensive dates , expensive presents, and i thought we were just so good for eachother ! definitely a chocolate cake that i was just obsessed with. at 22 when i met him i was just like head over heels. Fast forward a year and a half later we are finally breaking up for the last time, i moved out after he just was the exact opposite of who i met. i had my bad moments in the relationship for sure , i get really clingy and paranoid. i’ve left the relationship often but he draws me back into it somehow and it’s awful just yelling all the time and lies

[@melinaburkhardt421]

@Heather R., I am sorry to hear you had such a bad time in a toxic relationship. I keep my fingers crossed for you not relapsing again. And I like your honest statement about you having had your fair share in the conflicts you have had. Trust me, I know about yelling and persons who get their (narcissistic) supply from triggering me and making me lose control.

[@2okaycola]

Stay strong! Developing new habits feels weird at first so stick to what pleases YOU for a change miss!!

[@vixenbetsy2859]

oh my god ,,,, yeah ..me too i am become clingy ..but i tried to do my part not to be clingy ...omg !!! he is just so upset ....he angry all the time with out basis ....

[@rc8764]

How did the narcissist entice me? Lots of personal attention. Then I felt drained.

[@rc8764]

@Krishna Patel I was told not to be too nice because it shows a lack of integrity and authenticity.

[@rj....tarzanofthegrapes8182]

It’s sad when you see yourself for the list and beaten soul you’ve become I loved the way you phrased it Really hit home Thank you

[@Ladeda27]

The trap is they knock you up, and when they realize that won’t keep you they ditch the kid.

[@ArchAngel435]

Yes, my story too. He's a lawyer, ditched 2 kids from first marriage, now my 2 children as well.

[@lisamarie3465]

im simply choosing the lesser of two evils.....my mothers worse . far worse ......but where im at im just stagnant. so im planning on starting an online school to help keep me occupied and somewhat productive since i dont have much help in regards to moving forward any other way

[@be643]

"Forging yourself " was the biggest problem for me. Not doing so caused so much pain and my bpd ex used it to emotionally blackmail me for years. Good luck everyone .

[@2okaycola]

forgive 🙏🏽

[@victoriasage7]

Yeah… me too, and the regret…

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

Narcissists experience a childhood characterized by excessive praise or criticism, leading to a sense of entitlement and a need for admiration in adulthood. They may struggle with empathy and have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.

[@valariecrebbs4751]

I never had this pattern before that's why I was skeptical, very suspicious of this person.

[@imago9059]

Chocolate cake with hidden shards of glass😂

[@HeatherDMorris]

I like the wrapping scenario. I bet the narcissist feels that way when their partner takes their clothes off .. New clothes..un wrap..oh wow first time. Second time. Different clothes. Un dress. Hmm ok looks like the last one. 3rd time . New clothes, un dress...ok I need something new under the new clothes; )

[@gabbyacuna2769]

I just started watching your videos about two weeks or so ago. After my first (and worst) experience with narcissistic abuse about 8 years ago I changed a lot and learned a lot about myself through therapy for years. therapy was always sporadic since you know, BDP, job hopping, insurance, you get the picture. anyway, the missing little pieces of this puzzle, you helped me find. Now I know why I went and kept going back for the chocolate cake. Now I know why I seemed to only attract these people. Now I know why I tolerated it, until one day I just couldnt anymore and I'd explode and end it without warning, which left the narcissists and other emotionally unavailable men completely confused. Narcissists do seem very enticing at first, and a borderline, whose core content mostly consists of emptiness and shame (shame, I found, seems to be traced back to wanting revenge against those who remind me of my father), would fall for the "wonderful" narcissist who read her and pretended to be what she wanted. thank you

[@MariaJohnsonOriginal]

chocolate cake has consequences?!?!

[@LR-yu3mx]

True...all the "loves of my life" were nascissists. Was married at 20 yo wit a borderline. He passed. Next marraige covert narcissist and drinking. I moved out. We remain friends but I never thought of marrying again after no 2n died

[@pajamacladangel9920]

This is exactly how I feel about my relationship. I’m willing to accept that it is all just a result of my delusional thinking, 🤨 but I’d love to know for sure.

[@MS-yf9dw]

Interesting. Chocolate cake, I never thought of my wife that way. But that's exactly what she was and, unfortunately, still is. When I met this girl, she seemed so atractive. Not her looks. I fell in love with her mind. How wrong was I to admire her mind. At the time, I thought, if we ever have kids and something bad happens to me, this girl will be able to "pull the cart" on her own. She needed so little sleep, staying up almost all night translating books for a publishing house, in order to make some extra money. I was impressed by that. She actually achieved something with her life. She took a loan from a bank and with that money bought an appartment. Impressive stuff. I thought. You are right, about a narcissist always looking for a better partner. When I met her, she was with a guy, but left him, in order to be with me. At that moment, I was the better one. Not as tall or as muscular, but wealthier. Now I feel she is tired of me, and is looking for a new partner. Perhaps she has found him already, lives with him? Some of our conversations /arguments give a clue, that that might be the case. She calls me by a different name, perhaps that person's name. Acusses me of spending all my time playing video games, which I have never done, I do not posess the equipment to play video games. It's not me, that she is talking about. We have kids together. 3 of them. I wanted to do something nice for her, buy her a new matrerace for her bed. For months she complained of back pain, so I thought this might help. I said "I'm gratefull you gave birth to my kids, I want to buy this for you", showing her the catalogue. Her response was... not something I expected. I expected gratefulness, thanks, instead she shouted back at me: "You know I can kill them! Do you?" This was not past tense, as in 'I could have gotten an abortion'. This was in the present. Maybe, in future tense. A threat? She left the house. And I didn't know if it was to cool down after the argument, or to buy a knife to kill us all. I can't talk to my wife. I never know what to expect. I want to do something nice for her, and she is threatning to kill our kids? Where did that come from? We now live in separate rooms and we do not talk to each other, because every time we did, an argument would flare up. I want a divorce, but she doesn't want to give it to me. Not on peacefull terms. She expects me to say in court that the failure of our marriage was my fault. Than to pay a bucketload of money, for the upkeep of our kids i.e. for my freedom. In other words, to admit that she is perfect, and everything bad that happened, was my fault. The bad "thing", is our kids. Two of them have autism, and she blames me for it. Hates me, and hates them, for complicating her life, for the scarr on her belly, and who knows what else.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you well.

[@curielux]

👁

[@jackiegrice714]

Great video Dr Fox! I don’t have a chocolate cake problem in the sense that I’m attracted to narcissists-I was raised by one, I see any hint of self aggrandizement and I run screaming lol. Now, actual chocolate cake...different story. Yummy indeed.

[@MandyP965]

I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for all of your videos you make. So many of them have been so useful to me ❤

[@nickhefke4019]

I would really like to hear everybody's opinion on something. Do you think it's right for therapists to charge $500 an hour?

[@angelladejager4439]

Hi Dr Fox. I have BPD & I have been in a relationship with a narcissist on & off for 16yrs. I believe he really does love me as far as he is able to. I have tried many times to leave him but keep going back - not for lack of other choices. Is there any help you can give to partners of narcissists on how to stay in their relationships but at the same time protect themselves & stay sane. Is walking away the only solution?

[@evadebruijn]

You accept the love you think you deserve. It is up to you.

[@vixenbetsy2859]

hi doctor ... i cannot figure out if my partner is really a narcissist ... but for me ,,it seems he is ... can i ask you ? is a narcissist .. really fall in love ?

[@scottthomas5819]

comments get points! comment comment comment...

[@kcoco-bg2bs]

I be binge eating that chocolate cake, ya’all

[@darlamckinnon4546]

You forgot the most important downside of the chocolate cake - getting fat 🤣

[@DrDanielFox]

I talk about that, it’s that full feeling it’s that long-term consequence of the short term reward of yummy chocolate cake. I wish you all the best.

[@martincuper5142]

I have been displayed with BPD, sometimes I think I'm codependant but sometimes I start doubting maybe I am narcissist I'm so confused, I always have doubts

[@xomegsxo]

❤️❤️

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.

[@koolbeans8292]

When you are attracted to one and without looking the closer you get the uglier she gets, get away. Poor girls are NO different. I tried saving one...... lesson learned. She looked and tasted like chocolate cake. But I eat salad without dressing. Better for me.

[@Grimreaper-dj8js]

Hey I need help I have covert npd and bpd aswell and I seriously don't know what to do about it I feel that asking for help is good but I feel like doing it publicly is bad so I am just doing it anonymously. I am seriously toxic but I still have a stable job and can support myself

[@terrapintravels3829]

What hit me was the different wrapping, same doll example, wow!! I have been a magnet to toxic relationships my whole life. I've also had therapy but not specifically on this topic. Thank you for this helpful video.🌷

[@tannenbaum3807]

Sometimes I wonder how many narcissists are watching these videos as if they are the victim. I often feel the perpetrator more than a victim. Rarely see any comments claiming so. It is ok to take ownership of our own toxicity, even if we're just trying to be a better narcissist 😉🤦‍♂️😆

[@xomegsxo]

Lmao yummy-time, “yes I said it”😆🤣🤣 another really helpful video!! I’m going to look up those 7 relationship hopes & realities🙏🏻🙏🏻♥️💕

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

THANK ❤️ YOU SO MUCH

[@DrDanielFox]

You're welcome 😊

[@gailthomas7761]

Yep chocolate cake still looks nice but in time the fungus kills you. Just need to know when to throw it in the bin! Can't wait to have a salad next time!!!

[@karrguerrero2019]

Can we be more attracted to avoidant attachment partners? I don't like when they start to saying all those nice things, gifts, i am with someone who makes me gifts but it made it before months, he never stay a lot in contact at the beginning, and that he wants to go slow, but how I truly now if his a narcissist or not,

[@lissacablerware8475]

The Relationship Model diagram is a useful tool to keep in front of me at all times. Thank you 😊 PS Is Dr Carter an associate of yours?

[@AndoStyle]

Everything fits except looking for another partner.

[@kimberlybaker5133]

The POUND your chocolate cake comment made me definitely appreciate the PUN, eh? ❤️