Why People Cheat On You

[@unsolicitedadvice9198]

Go to ground.news/unsolicited to understand how different perspectives shape our worldview. Save 40% on the Ground News unlimited access Vantage plan with my link. LINKS AND CORRECTIONS: Support me on Patreon here (you wonderful person): patreon.com/UnsolicitedAdvice701?Link& Sign up to my email list for more (very occasional) philosophy to improve your life: forms.gle/YYfaCaiQw9r6YfkN7

[@lunarmoon4596]

thank you

[@josephp9141]

thank you ground news for sponsoring 🙏

[@iloveamerica4891]

Man can own any young woman old woman for sex for anything after man gives #cocaine, just give #cocaine, a sort of marriage for man till she dies

[@willemvo7296]

interesting topic, worth discussing !

[@justinfreeman4614]

People end up cheating when their romantic delusions are excessive and don't match reality.

[@kuza.the.artist]

This begs the question; what is love? (Baby don’t hurt me)

[@roses6564]

Don’t even try to get there. It’s different things for different people. A low intelligence, shallow person cannot love like an intelligent, complex, highly sentient one. For the former love is when a chunk of meat looks good and they’re nice to you. For the latter, it’s an epic symphony.

[@jimbomacgee3499]

⁠@@roses6564Ma’am this is a Wendy’s

[@independentthinker910]

@@roses6564 I believe you have it backwards. Most of the highly intelligent and influential men throughout history were single.

[@theswordthatsealsthedarkne9918]

@@independentthinker910 I think that's more because of their dedication to their field of which they influenced. Even nowadays, you can't be truly committed to your field and love, it really is one or the other.

[@roses6564]

@@independentthinker910 I am not talking about the single by choice or what not. I am talking about how the intelligent and the low intellect love. In fact, some argue the low intellect are incapable of love.

[@TadanoCandy]

I take pride in my loyalty, so breaking that loyalty would hurt my pride. Hence, I will always break a bond before moving on, instead of betraying anyone

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

I agree, it's better to leave than to have an affair

[@roses6564]

@@LMorningstar-yv8ou Why? There are many people who'd prefer "don't ask don't tell" to being abandoned. Why do you speak for everyone?

[@bdrm2009]

I had an ex who said the exact same thing while they were actively cheating on me lol.

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@bdrm2009 what did they say, there are a few comments here you could be talking about lol

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@roses6564 Never said I speak for everyone lol

[@nikolamanojlovicci]

I've been cheated on twice. One of those was by my ex fiancé which resulted in me attempting to end my life. I wouldn't wish the pain of adultery on anyone.

[@sussett]

@@nikolamanojlovicci I really really hope you are doing better, that sounds like it was very very hard. Please stay safe.

[@AllanHinde-mb2pr]

Jesus dude it’s just rejection not need to go to the big sleep

[@yayacantread4503]

@@AllanHinde-mb2prdude imagine planning a whole marriage and life based on your union that you have poured emotional and time investments into nurturing, to have your future uprooted and experience utter betrayal from someone you expected love, loyalty and dedication from? It hurts.

[@AllanHinde-mb2pr]

@@yayacantread4503 never said it does not hurt it’s just not worth throwing everything away for, nothing is

[@mrvacepadrva81]

​@AllanHinde-mb2pr just rejection? You're a donut. He didn't ask her out and got rejected. He got cheated on. There's an immeasurable difference in pain between the two.

[@Cattrapper]

My woman(27)of 11 years whom we share a wonderful 6 year old little boy cheated with and eventually moved in with my 48 year old brother. He was my best friend we spent almost every day together. Everything I told him in confidence over the year he used against me to fuel the infidelity. Having to pick my son up from my brother's house while my Ex stood on his porch smiling does something to a person It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I'm ashamed of how i let myself go. That was almost 2 years ago, and I'm better now, but I still think about that bastard daily.

[@ticket2space]

I hear you brother ♥️ you didnt come this far to only come this far

[@isaiahd5396]

That's tucked up I'm sorry bro

[@JohnDoe-rr1fz]

Praying for you bro, make sure they dont get in that kids head

[@faye_isc]

ew😂

[@roses6564]

That sounds terrible.

[@StratfordWingRider]

I’ve been cheated on twice in serious relationships. It’s is soul shattering. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone

[@CuriousCrow-mp4cx]

It's unfortunate, but it can happen, but you need to learn from it. Not to be cynical, but to not let desire and romance replace getting to know them really well first. You should be able to understand what they think about money, family, and having children. How they see their life progressing. All the boring, but important stuff. And you should look at how they treat other people too. Take your time. You will get over it, if you concentrate and building good things in your own life.

[@Imbettadenu]

@@CuriousCrow-mp4cxin my opinion I don’t think that dictates whether they will cheat or not It’s a generalization someone who seems to have a honest and trustworthy relationship with everyone in their life could be a serial cheater and vice versa Basically any relationship is a gamble and you need to trust the person you’re with unless you have a really concrete reason not to

[@augustin19tube]

I hope u were able to recollect the pieces while also learning that truly loving is not a mistake take care

[@janeyrevanescence12]

I’m sorry you were cheated on twice. You’re right, it is cruel.

[@reginaldbowls7180]

Same here. It's absolutely awful :(

[@pohjoisenvanhus]

Dude... you're a poet.

[@RozayMalikOG]

@@pohjoisenvanhus fr🙏🏾👍🏾💯

[@ifureadthis_urgay]

He sounds like if the word aristocrat is a person

[@Vivi_9]

And he doesn't know it!

[@jazzo8567]

Feels like the idea that the "grass is always greener" tends to enable rash decisions and to live for that thrill

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

Grass is always greener isn't the only reason people cheat though

[@roses6564]

Most rash decisions do not come from "grass is greener" type of thinking, but from "grass is green enough here, let's get married" - when they shouldn't.

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@roses6564 Disagree

[@roses6564]

@@LMorningstar-yv8ou Free world but not without consequence.

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@roses6564 why do you somehow, by your comments, strike me as the worlds biggest busybody who is way too confident in their views lol

[@kristakemp2658]

Cheating is practically glorified and encouraged in our society. It would stop if there was actual consequences

[@dank_shiv]

I won't appreciate if someone is with me just because of, fear of consequences, I will consider it as cheating Me on emotional level not on physical level.

[@daarom3472]

​@@dank_shivthink there is a huge difference between cheating while being the 2 of you or when having kids. When you get kids it's no longer about you, it's about them. I've never cheated in my life and probably would never do so anyways, but the thought of hurting my kids would 100% stay my hand even if a 20yo model offered herself willingly. People get punished for physically assaulting their kids but there are no consequences for destroying them mentally by breaking up the family.

[@shawnboahene5231]

@@dank_shivthat’s foolish

[@DarkIceLight]

Its not, cheaters encourage each other and thx to the Internet they now have the means to do so on larger scale.

[@devin3607]

Bring back actual consequences

[@Rope_Adope]

Same reason as any. They’re trying to fill a void

[@LoganBai-gv5ys]

Basically what they are saying. A loss of agency and "freedom" fot their potential possibilities. Lack of narrative of love because domestic life is boring.

[@simonfinch9277]

And in the process create a whole new void in someone else's heart.

[@augustin19tube]

loving and existentially leaning on immature people comes with it risks

[@tor4472]

That's most of humanity at one point or another

[@Anonymous______________]

Well, some women need their voids filled by Tyrone.

[@شهریارصادقی-ت8ز]

babe wake up new unsolicited advice dropped

[@hayrisafa8]

babe? oh she was at her friends house, right.

[@wackityhackity553]

​@@hayrisafa8well thinking of this video lol bro might wanna check up on her ngll

[@interesting2491]

Babe: 🫡

[@tor4472]

"Babe!" "Babe wait!" "Babe no!" "BAAABE!"

[@mariapaz6379]

Me to myself after i get the notification and there is no babe

[@ionceexisted]

I often ask myself this: Do I love the idea of love? Do I love the idea of loving this person? Do I love the idea of this person? Do I love the faint reflection of myself in this person? Or do I actually love this person for who they truly are? By the time that’s answered, the guy bailed on me. 😢 😂

[@HeathenDance]

LOL.

[@boombalbi563]

i’m so sorry. sending love

[@CuriousCrow-mp4cx]

No problem. You need sdome with an attention span longer than a goldfish.

[@lemurlaemu]

brilliant!

[@roses6564]

That's funny. But yes, good questions. Many people simply want to be "settled down," to acquire the favorable status of "being married" and having a family - and that in itself becomes a huge incentive for most people to convince themselves that they love the person they happen to be with at that time, who seems available and interested in the same goal. This is a weak reason to get married albeit socially applauded and greatly encouraged. It backfires sooner or later. Be sure you love the whole person: for all of their inspirational qualities, for their complementary differences and against their flaws. If the qualities are compelling enough you will feel naturally accepting of the flaws too. NO effort involved. If there's effort in accepting the flaws, run. They may turn to "Motives" in the future, as police calls them. (lol)

[@keddy5627]

My favorite read in high school was Madame Bovary…the tendency to self-destruct was very compelling and the idea that a partner can be all things speaks of emotional immaturity. I loved this upload! Thank you!

[@roses6564]

A partner cannot be "all things" but he/she should definitely be the most important things. When they are not, dissatisfaction is there for a reason, the Universe speaking to you.

[@keddy5627]

@@roses6564 thank you for your response. A basic mathematical equation can speak volumes: 1/2 x 1/2= 1/4, while 1 x 1 = 1!

[@billpetersen298]

@@roses6564How long is the list of “important things”? Still sounds like failure. We all are weak, we all fail. As long as both partners, want the best for each other, it’s a win.

[@wildfire9280]

⁠@@roses6564 This exact video focused on objectively good situations. Sorry, not all feelings are valid, and the “universe” is not involved.

[@roses6564]

@@wildfire9280 what's that? If one is dissatisfied, the "objectively good " means squat.

[@israelmasson4083]

My mother did that , my father was a farmer hardworking and kind ,but boring whit the romatic aspect. She left him and found 10+ boyfriends and now live alone at 65 years. I love my mother but when i start rethinking about it i feel sad for my father

[@ROCOROrthoboi]

Your mom belongs in the streets for being a 304

[@HuHWhatOk]

Ew I could never

[@billpetersen298]

How is your dad doing now? We can be simple creatures. We will do all the necessary basic things, for our loved ones. Then we are shattered, for not being enough. I will work long hard days, for you. Shorten my life, break my body. All I ask in return, is for you all to thrive, your quiet appreciation, and some affection.

[@israelmasson4083]

@@billpetersen298 he is married now , been 15 years and retired . He live a happy life so its all good :)

[@dank_shiv]

Keep loving her, and also love your father, if u ever face her tell her you don't hate her for being herself she can do anything and u will still lover HER

[@wantedki11a135]

I’ve been cheated on before. There’s no pain quite like it. It’s like writhing against the passing of time, begging to go back to happier times prior to any heartbreak. This has caused trust issues for me toward most people in my life. This is helping me understand why someone may feel as if they aren’t a bad person when in strong opposition I believe them to be reprehensible. This video and many others by you are absolutely fantastic. Please keep them coming!

[@mat7083]

Casey Zander has said some of the same things he did.

[@darkmessiah8087]

Emma IS in love with the idea of love more than actual folks

[@korpen2858]

Not even that she loves "love" but as you said her romanticized idea of "love"

[@darkmessiah8087]

@@korpen2858 true, her vision of love is fiction

[@john.10347]

This is a great video. But holy shit being cheated on in my last relationship and listening to this video is giving PTSD/flashbacks to where all my overthinking was right while at the same time explains her actions. This is the only video of yours I was unable to finish, hurts too much to finish, probably will rewatch in a couple months. Great video so far though

[@InsanityOz]

I'm so sorry this happened to you dude. You deserve better and I hope you'll get better

[@dank_shiv]

What are u all going through, I ignore relationships just to survive and it works for me.

[@Kyun69]

back then i hate philosophy classes so bad, now im just enjoying it through you!

[@mariapaz6379]

A lot of philosophy classes resemble history lessons.

[@7avdes]

@@mariapaz6379 i'm lucky because my teacher is very interesting and i actually learn

[@harkamelrandhawa7125]

I would be enabling to say narcissists are more likely to cheat as they are driven by what makes them happy

[@limitisillusion7]

Everyone is driven by what makes them happy.

[@matoussverak5320]

​@@limitisillusion7 not true. People are more complex and for instance do things that hurt them all the time. And sometimes they do them out of other reasonsthan happiness. Ask any psychologist.

[@Duck4You]

@@limitisillusion7Weak people prioritize it above all else.

[@HeathenDance]

@@matoussverak5320 People who are subservient simps are not more complex. They are just below others in the scale of natural selection. To be pathetic and addicted to pain are not manifestations of elevation. To paraphrase Doctor House: "Loyalty is a concept invented by oppressors to manipulate people into doing things that they don't want to."

[@limitisillusion7]

@@matoussverak5320 Alcohol is bad for you, but it makes you happy in the short-term nonetheless. Do people drink to suffer the long-term consequences or to enjoy the short-term happiness?

[@WaffleToffleRoffle]

I really want to watch this but the wounds are still fresh. I'll be back when my heart has healed a bit!

[@JustInTimeWorlds]

I have no idea how I ended up here, but I thank the algorithm for it :)

[@OmimaLomima]

Fr

[@mariapaz6379]

Stay and enjoy!

[@alicefreecs8211]

Welcome to the family

[@melo-bri]

stick around, theres lots to do

[@gellister]

Cheating is stupid because it relies on a suspended reality wherein the mundane aspects of life are handled by the original relationship so the fake secondary relationship can parasitically attach itself without having to deal with those aspects. It makes the second relationship seem more fanciful but it is completely based on a false reality of the original relationship carrying the water for both.

[@sussett]

It really is amazing what self-justification can do to people's actions, but to keep the "thrill" of the forbidden, it must mean they still know (maybe, unconsciously), that what they are doing is very wrong; I assume that a good majority of cheaters would feel the guilt in its full power if they get caught, and at that point, maybe the self-justifications are just a way of dealing with the pain and guilt, although they shouldn't. I feel like videos on this same topic could be great, like maybe exploring the questions like: Why if they feel their partner it's so bad, then they just not leave? (Outside of the scenario of the forbidden love you mentioned), etc. Once more, this was a wonderful analysis, thank you so much for your content.

[@CuriousCrow-mp4cx]

You make it sound like it's so easy to leave. You wouldn't say that if you knew why they wanted to be in a long-term relationship in the first place. Not just because they say they love you. What about loneliness, security, boredom, fear, social status, etc. Etc? Women have feet in two worlds - liberation or tradition. They get mixed messages about their worth, and still face misogyny. So think have a man will complete them. Some want children more than anything. Some want the wedding, but have no clue what they want after that. Get to know your prospective partners really well, and you will find out very much who they really are. Don't let the limerence or sexual desire mislead you. Take the time to get to know who they really are, and what they really want. Then get to know yourself too. Then nobody can be misled by not knowing what the deal really is. If anything, if they're not the right one, at least you should be good friends. Good luck.

[@davidbussey8942]

From the people I met the enjoyed cheating it was fun and they would literally say what are they gonna do get mad at me for a bit. And honestly they were right. Like if yiu don't respect yourself they won't either

[@tamaravsthevoid]

My ex cheated multiple times. Never wanted to leave me, no issues, but he held deeply misogynistic beliefs that were hidden by the religious rhetoric we both believed at the time. I didn’t even enter into his mind when he did it. I found out years later that when I tried to kick him out, she was begging him to be with her and even broke up her marriage for him. But he was just using her like he was using me.

[@shepherdlavellen3301]

she had it coming ngl

[@MFLimited]

Some people are just low class and not worth it. Often, it has nothing to do with being unhappy with a particular partner. They just want variety to build up their egos , to make them feel wanted and to fill the unfillable hole inside of them

[@tamaravsthevoid]

@@shepherdlavellen3301 oh yeah. I mean, she knew me and our kids before she slept with him, so yeah no sympathy for her but I don’t really hate her either. I just left her in my review mirror.

[@tamaravsthevoid]

@@MFLimited for sure. That’s him to a T. It’s hard cause we have kids together so he is still around unfortunately.

[@HuHWhatOk]

@@tamaravsthevoidreligion has nothing to do with it I’ve always said this but hoes are usually active in religion it’s why it’s better if you believe to keep your belief to yourself

[@klintkercani8398]

Great job on this one. So basically, people are more likely to cheat on their partners when they themselves have unreleastic expectations about love, lack self awareness, are immature, and even worse, straight up entitled to their own satisfaction.

[@chickensandwich8808]

absolutely. The issue is we are so conditioned to misunderstand love in such a fundamental way that when we get to the meat of it we as a society see it as "boring." In reality while crystallization is a very real phenomenon, its still born of a perspective of what could also be seen as anxiety through a different lens. In those beginning stages when things are so fresh and everyone is overthinking the dopamine hit for having your feelings returned is HUGE. It's such a high that we not only ignore any warning signs ourselves, but will even get aggressively defensive if pointed out by those close to us. It's really important to deconstruct from those ingrained notions, which isn't easy, but it shines a light on how society has allowed the normalization and perpetuation of a toxic perspective of love that thrives on instant gratification.

[@pauloperes9378]

Infidelity is very very common both for men and women. Better just to assume most people will cheat at some point and talk about your desires. My not philosophical answer: a lot cheat because it's thrilling to act unpunished, others cheat because they want to feel younger or desirable, others because they just dont know what they want but dont want to let the opportunity go, and so on

[@roses6564]

Yeah, imagine. It couldn't possibly be that some cheat because they simply found someone they fell in love with but cannot presently or ever leave the current poor relationship. So they end up cheating.

[@pauloperes9378]

@@roses6564 yup. That's another possibility

[@Ttyumbra]

@@roses6564 at that point you might as well leave the relationship, if you can or tell them I’m done, but they do need to be careful if the other person isn’t who they say they are. They might appear the right option, the grass on the greener side, until you get closer to the weeds.

[@roses6564]

@@Ttyumbra There's always that possibility and many people do mess up with "grass is greener," no doubt. But I think we, as a society, tend to overestimate the inferiority of the would-be "greener" relationship and want to believe it cannot possibly be so. Society feels the need to sanctify/idealize the marriage and vilify/soil the extra-marital relationship. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Things often fail because the entanglements caused by the marriage/first relationship (children, finances, ego-related issues with ex-es) can make it very difficult for people to navigate such delicate matters with wisdom and grace. Most don't know how. So things fall apart the second time too but not because the match itself is inherently worse than the marriage match. Often it is a lot better but things still fall apart.

[@Michael-kp4bd]

@@roses6564when a relationship is falling, it can be ended. Infidelity is entirely avoidable in that general case.

[@clintonclay3158]

Cheating is disgusting.

[@ramenaddict1676]

Never understood people who crave and cant live without drama

[@CuriousCrow-mp4cx]

That's OK. As long as you understand yourself and respect others you'll be OK. Not everybody either wants or needs security. That's just how it is.

[@yournextdoorgamerwithgames2945]

Women are tall children that’s why

[@ismt9390]

I can't help but think that such people have way too much free time. I don't have time to catch a cold, imagine cheating :))

[@fivemargaritasonly]

It's purely greed.

[@dinosaur___7209]

Some people are addicted to emotional highs and lows due to trauma...Not excusing the behavior mind you. But I feel like a lot of trauma and mental illness is bound up in some of these behaviors

[@merryosa4309]

Cheating is no fun it's the worst thing to do to someone it causes a lot of pain to the one who loves and trusts u it makes him experience all kinds of negative feelings

[@jolly968]

This content provider has the looks, intelligence, style, and charisma that when all taken together as a whole surpass any movie, novel, or play ever produced. I just listen and enjoy, caring less about what he’s saying most of the time. He has a gift rarely seen anywhere in the mass media in most parts of the world. By the way, I’ve never been cheated on because I never expected I wouldn’t be cheated on. Seriously!

[@psychonautical6587]

I wish I was good as you at articulating ideas. This could be something you could do a video on?! Love your content.

[@Mendez_84]

It wouldn't be unsolicited advice then 😅

[@psychonautical6587]

@@Mendez_84 😂😂

[@alena-qu9vj]

It is always more pragmatic to contemplate on what is "wrong" with me that made the cheating on me possible - especially when its a pattern that repeats. Everything what happens in our life might be considered as a means for our learning and improving. It is of no use to waste energy and feeilings on the cheaters - we cannot change them, we only can change ourselves.

[@gulaschnikov5335]

Having imaginations and expectations because of reading about fictional people like Emma and therefore loosing trust in love and romance is also something that makes people cheat, I can imagine. It might go something like: "I don't believe anyone would ever be truly faithful to me so I also don't have to."

[@roses6564]

The very act of picking the story of Emma Bovary to illustrate the essence of betrayal in a general sense is a betrayal of intellectual honesty and sharpness. Thumbs down to this one even though I adore most of Joe's videos.

[@ShaNaNa242]

Nothing like a good Unsolicited Advice video to get the day going!

[@ksilofo]

trust very rarely gets rebuilt. even if you forgive him and start again, you won't ever be able to trust him fully and you will remember when he cheated on you and resentment will start building and manifest in your relationship, it will be toxic and broken. Just move on, cheating on your partner is extremely disrespectful and degrading. Only a person who doesnt respect himself/herself and is fine with someone close to them degrading him/her will accept the "apology" from the cheater

[@ShaNaNa242]

@@ksilofo I think you meant to reply to someone else.

[@ksilofo]

@ShaNaNa242 oh right! lol sorry

[@oliverobama3279]

We all have potential to be infidels but we have to look higher than ourselves to overcome those feelings, just like most animalistic traits we have, we have the power of divinty to become more than we are.

[@Ms.pee12]

Absolutely agree. That’s why I hate when people sit and blame biology on unhinged or promiscuous behavior. Especially for men. Biology does play a part but we haven’t evolved as humans(top species) to blame things on biology like our fellow animal counterparts have too. We have thought and free will, adaptability. I feel like the whole biology, animalistic thing is an excuse in this day and age.

[@CloudAkura7]

You can attempt whatever moralistic life you want, though ultimately people will simply be people

[@kaleidojess]

Uh. No. Not all of us. Some of us have morals. I would never cheat.

[@mat7083]

@@kaleidojessSaying you’ll never cheat only makes it easier to cheat. The words themselves are not a fact, but a challenge for you to live up to them. Better to say nothing

[@AngieDeAguirre]

​@@kaleidojesson my experience, the ones who cheated on me were people who "couldn't even sing songs about infidelity". That's how far they extended the story of their unableness of being cheaters. They actively say that while actively cheating on me. Never ever trust in someone that stand on rooftops screaming about their unableness of being unfaithful. That is a massive red flag. Not only in my books. But many many cheated on people books.

[@RedditFamStories]

I’m someone that’s only ever been loyal but was cheated by my first long term boyfriend. I saw the signs, he always acted like the grass was greener on the other side. He broke my trust in all men and I’ve been single since then. He’s moved on and is happy with another girl. He treated me like an option and said as much. It was my fault for wasting my own time.

[@zah936]

🫂

[@kiznahalfharpy]

This is a far more thought provoking and interesting approach to attempting to understand the choices of the cheater, as opposed to tearing every choice I made along the way to shreds. Appreciate the perspective - glad I found this channel✨

[@billpetersen298]

If we can just learn to be open and vulnerable to our partners. Actually understanding ourselves well enough, to know our desires, and triggers. We don’t understand our childhood trauma. Created by our parents, and their parents. When we are young, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, ect, these feelings are so urgent, desperate, confusing. Yes be married to someone. Fight for them, and yourself, we are all capable of real love. It may take a lifetime, or two, or three, it’s the journey.

[@alicefreecs8211]

I love how you turned a philosophical examination on why people cheat to one about living a meaningful life. Definitely got a lot from this video. It was a buy one get one free type of deal. Thank you.

[@boredandconfused]

They will do it on your birthday. The day your brother died. Any day and everyday. People have no codes. No morals. Humanity just sucks.

[@AnomalousCanid]

Spent last Valentine's being cheated on then told later that the specific day didn't matter to them and that they forgot the date (lying). Fuck people.

[@ReyFelipe00]

Do you suck then?

[@shawnboahene5231]

Evidently we do have a moral code. The moral law is written in the hearts of all men. If not people would never be as furious as they are when it comes to cheating.

[@zah936]

​@@shawnboahene5231nah! That's ego. Furious when it happens to you or done by someone else on someone else. Pretty easy to do it yourself, it seems, for way too many people

[@AlexanderNevermind-j8m]

Overestimating your control over the situation. That makes me feel a lot at ease

[@eronore]

woah woah woah nothing, the title caught me off guard hehe

[@adamwarvergeben]

Congrats on getting to the point of having sponsorships!

[@libertarianterminator]

I haven't been cheated on by a romantic partner yet, but I had friends backstab me and expect me to just accept it.

[@chickensandwich8808]

it counts, it's betrayal.

[@sethscalvino4680]

Bro you’re so brilliant in your words and poetic that it was hard for me to follow along I watched it twice and couldn’t understand for how far above you are in speech

[@unfilteredmind-t6t]

Never missed a video every time you post!

[@unsolicitedadvice9198]

That is very kind! I really appreciate it

[@alexander191297]

9:38 So this is the “folie à deux”, the shared fantasy that narcissists build with their victims. The victim believes they’re being loved over time, but then when the narcissist becomes “disillusioned”, or in other words, when they start devaluing the victim, they move on to another target. Many serial cheaters are also narcissists.

[@lorenzogumier7646]

Let's be honest. Romantic relationships between partners are often anything but true love. Being love the "unconditional interest for someone else's wellbeing.

[@JoshJames-j6u]

That and it takes a certain level of self-control.

[@Rhapsodos_X]

People who cheat even with all their needs satisfactory can be explained by human nature. At night we lie on our backs staring at the stars, no other animal has that luxury. Therefore, I submit the theory that people's brains have carried them too far above their station. We no longer view needs and wants as the same. We at the end of the day are just bored

[@HeathenDance]

Since you spoke of animals, you forgot to mention that few species in the world are monogamous. ZERO of them are mammals. And primates, like human beings, bonobos and chimpanzees are fornicators by nature. It's about hormones and biological imperatives.

[@gabe6646]

It sounds more like they don't have enough to do. Either way I'm more inclined to go with the well nuanced explanation from the video over "people are bored"

[@Rhapsodos_X]

@@gabe6646 i wasnt going to type a thesis on the coverage of "people are bored" to rival a 30min vid. but i will say the point you raise in support of the video is not mutually exclusive and in fact, falls into the same category i put forth

[@Ttyumbra]

@@Rhapsodos_X why are needs and wants the same? I thought they were different with one is necessary, for another to exist.

[@gabe6646]

@@Rhapsodos_X I agree with that, boredom certainly can lead to cheating. I kinda think your idea might actually say a lot more about why we even get bored vs why we cheat

[@jtstar10]

It’s a tough and brutal world. Those who are born ruthless and unwavering will have an easier life.

[@kaleidojess]

What I realized was cheaters have issues and I don't want to help them with those issues.

[@zah936]

👏👏👏

[@FallouFitness_NattyEdition]

I almost got into a relationship, but I'm so afraid of being cheated on or becoming the cheater myself that I decided not to date her. It hurts because I want to make it work, but if I can't trust myself or her, then it won't work.

[@zah936]

You are better than 90% of people

[@lindapowell9688]

THIS VIDEO WAS AMAZING. Your love of philosophy and desire to share your knowledge, wisdom and insights with the world is a real gift to people like myself, who really want to understand ourselves and others better. THANK YOU!

[@PhotoJeticPoet]

My ex randomly started cheating 6 years into the relationshi. 4 years later we are both still single from that time and he has come begging for me back but refuses to acknowledge he was wrong not only for his actions but for how he treated me in the aftermath. Literally broke all my trust for that man and destroyed an otherwise great relationship because he got bored.

[@zah936]

Never take him back.

[@luctuose]

I recently lost my best friend and the guy I loved. She chose him over me. I was broken, still am. And I think about them each day - and it hurts my heart. but I don't know, I'm doomed to suffer from this, it isn't the first time. And I've kinda given up by now. This was the last straw. I hope other people don't hurt as much as I do. It's devastating and I feel alone. I just have to get used to being alone.

[@leilahatter926]

Bro I really understand, and I’m sorry. I just recently found my partner of four years had been cheating on me the entire time… I hope you have a good day today and end up feeling better. Ur not alone in this

[@Ttyumbra]

You’re right to hurt but to give up?, cmon man you want to be alone or did that experience hurt your future experiences. My point is that one event shouldn’t define your value, like how ww2 Germany citizens bought into propaganda, out of circumstance. This hopelessness you feel you can drown in it, but slowly get out of the black hole. This happened how many times?. Did you look inside your self and see, what signs you were not seeing?, I’m telling you this because idk if it’s become a little more common than usual. Felt the similar to what you described, but eventually changed who I was a little bit, not out of resentment, but out of a need to change so I don’t choose wrong again.

[@luctuose]

@@Ttyumbra I changed many times and matured many times. Outcome is still the same. I gather people I like around me, introduce them to eachother because I care for them, but they find them to be more capable than me. And that's fine. I will survive.

[@luctuose]

@@leilahatter926 I feel you and I know we ain't alone, but the sorrow sure makes us feel alone, all the way to the core. Here's to a brighter future!

[@bestgrill9647]

​@@luctuose Average Sukuna enjoyer

[@blueberrycow2293]

please please please do a video about your favorite paintings!! i love seeing them pop up while you talk and want to know your personal favorites

[@wynburlochlan758]

From a psychotherapeutical view (though superficial): She projects her dissatisfied needs in her relationship and her life onto the Viscount. As a couple therapist I‘d say, that’s ok as long as she doesn’t follow her thoughts in terms of behaving accordingly. The task here is to become conscious about your needs, communicate and negotiate them with your partner. The really grown up part here is to accept that some needs can be fulffilled in your relationship and others can’t and accept it. Surely, if you find yourself in a relationship that, although you tried multiple times, cannot fullfill the needs of the partners, you can together consider to move on. Partners aren‘t Jinnies that fullfill all your wishes. The earlier you accept this in life and your relationship, the better for everyone.

[@roses6564]

When important needs are not met, against all communication, pleading and spelling out, the relationship is poor quality period and it affects mental health and quality of life. That doesn't mean people can necessarily move on to NO relationship or an even worse relationship. When a clearly superior alternative appears - changes begin to happen, but then many would label that as "cheating."

[@animatedmvs8818]

​@@roses6564because it IS cheating.

[@Chief_Ten_Bears]

Maybe it's content I've been consuming lately but damn am I relieved to hear such a good speaker on KZbin. Lovely to listen to.

[@Ren-tq4hw]

Your videos really got me excited to start reading philosophy because they simplify so much and get me hooked (an attractive man explaining philosophy )

[@liliabach]

Wonderful video! I would appreciate it, if you could speak about the trope of “the other woman” (or man) and why people seek out unavailable partners.

[@dr.motte1]

Cheating is a tool of the devil. Those who cheat are servants of the evil

[@otiliamanuelajurj]

Exactly! Their soul is in mud.

[@min5899]

A friend betrayed me just right now and I was thinking again: Why am I so naive?

[@_Akhilleus_]

I think it's more about them than about you

[@Ttyumbra]

@@_Akhilleus_Right it’s still important though if they, avoid such a person by looking back at what happened. Not their fault no but better to see it for what it was, how in the first place they found such a person, the little things they did, or said, how they treated them, when they weren’t around. So at least you got a gist a clue a person, might have those same tendencies.

[@CuriousCrow-mp4cx]

Why are you blaming yourself? It's part of being human to get the muddy end of the stick sometimes. All you can do is try again, slowly. Just take it easy and really get to know them. And know what exactly you are looking for in a partner.

[@augustin19tube]

the act of trust is not a wrong thing. oftentimes we trust the wrong people in wrong ways take the time you need… and if u feel ready for it trust again for after trust comes the (worst and the) best of what life has to offer

[@roses6564]

Actions are valuable information. Universe speaking: move on from friend, don't let emotions take over. Nowhere does it say that the Universe owes us fidelity from fellow humans, trust, honesty, safety, loyalty, etc. People are gonna people. Find your right niche - where people will stick with you not because they took an oath of commitment to you, but because they can't help it otherwise, since you provide much value to them and they to you. This is the only ting that's real. Everything else is symbolic.

[@MissAngie510]

Too much pride. Too much unrealistic expectations. I think it's an ego problem.....

[@zah936]

Yes

[@exportexpert8]

I can only imagine how hard it is to prepare such great quality you put into those videos, Many thanks for keeping me alive and kicking.

[@kokomanation]

The only person that really cares about you more than anything is yourself

[@FareehaDawn]

That’s not true with everyone, some people will blame and hate themselves based on their childhood and cognitive associations

[@darkmessiah8087]

Woaw I'm just AT the beginning but you gave me eager to read Mme Bovary while I thought it was boring

[@AnomalousCanid]

So glad that furries are typically so normalized to open/poly relationships that basically every person I end up with ends up going "open" and then things start falling apart as they spend more time with the other partner, etc. That'd be one thing, but the fact that the social circles surrounding these relationships all prop up open and poly as being "good" and closed and the concept of cheating being an offense as "wrong" is absolutely devastating. It results in situations where, yes, sorry, it's definitely cheating, and yet none of the larger social circle will support the one being cheated on, instead valuing the cheater. Just a glimpse into how things end up outside of the typical societal norms. Can't say it's much better.

[@solveigmortensen2608]

Wow Animous candid you must run in some of the same circles i have! Yea, rarely do the majority make out in that situation. Its usually like a few that are sleeping w everyone.

[@GuavaClouds]

I liked this analysis. Very glad to have come across this, thanks

[@rouxmain64]

I love these video so much. pls keep up the wonderfull work.

[@MrFiremagnet]

This video is freaking brilliant dude

[@beflabbergasted325]

People relate to each other out of interest. Even if the only thing that interests them is that you are funny, you are interesting, they want to please others, you know people they wish to know, you have a cool job. you have a cool house, you have an interesting family, you can "open doors for them", you know cool people, et. It does not matter what it is people expect of you, the moment you can no longer provide whatever it was that interested them, they will look for it elsewhere. I am homeless. People are weird. They will turn their backs on you and the very few who "stay behind" will eventually avoid you anytime they can.

[@zah936]

This is the only truth in life.

[@Theactivepsychos]

“I hope she knows you only like the beginning of things” Faye Miller to Don Draper, Mad Men.

[@Lolleka]

Your videos are so good. And your writing too. Seriously.

[@NotMyGumDropButtons.444]

This is why I love Vedanta so much. Getting what you want doesn’t stop you from wanting.

[@MFLimited]

Although it should, I disagree that infidelity makes somebody a pariah. There are plenty of people out there with multiple “baby mamas“, and they are quite proud of it. A lot of people, men particularly, think themselves quite cool to sleep around and lie. They may be labelled as a low class, but that’s it. If infidelity held more of a stigma, people would at least try not to be so obvious with it

[@roses6564]

Infidelity has the strongest stigma it has ever had! Those who have several baby mamas are open about it and the women accept it - so that does not count.

[@animatedmvs8818]

They don't care enough, the stigma doesn't matter to them. All they care about is themselves, if they cared even a little about someone else, they wouldn't do it proudly. Men and women alike, going against the norm or doing something people criticise can often make them feel stronger or different. It's sick but it is what it is

[@yournextdoorgamerwithgames2945]

Because women want a man they can’t have. So the more he’s cheated, the more they want to “tame” him

[@zah936]

Yep

[@socialnetworking4782]

Cheated on by my ex-wife. Military and I wasn't even deployed. 15 years gone in an instant. Learned that she didn't view anything as her own doing. She was an adult child. No sense of obligation or responsibility. She actively avoided all things that required something of her, but damn was she good at lying/manipulating.

[@thegoldenfox283]

The 15 years were not gone in an instant. They were gone through like the video says. Small steps that lead to escalation. People are fucked up. But I often see that there is meaning in our suffering. Find it and continue forward.

[@HuHWhatOk]

Military and still married? Crazzzyyyyy idk why military dudes marry

[@annaxyz5132]

@@thegoldenfox283 I have to say, I disagree. It usually doesn’t happen right away, especially not early on in the relationship. However, things “building up” in the relationship is just an excuse and a manipulation to perceive the cheater as helpless and unrecognizing of the process that leads them to cheating; to spread out responsibility, and appear more sympathetic and forgivable in the process. It has to do with them wanting to retain a self-image more for themselves than the person they suddenly stopped giving an f about. That, or skirting the consequences, if only emotional. The truth is, it does happen in a moment. It happens in a moment where circumstances align just enough that they feel they no longer need to have any regard toward your person or your well-being. It happens in a moment where they no longer value your presence in their life and see you as expendable. They see you as someone who can or even should be cheated on. Suddenly they have just enough contempt for you to enact what they know would hurt you, embarrass and possibly traumatize you, and they know this to their core at all times. They do it anyway. They always had the capacity to. But hey, there are also people who hold themselves to a higher standard. I’ve been cheated on by one person. But have been broken up with before and broken up with people before. It’s different when a person never fails to recognize your humanity or value, or allow themselves to be reckless with you. Cheating is not something you do to people you hold in high regard and actually care about, and the relationship doesn’t have to continue for that to be true. Cheating, especially for any prolonged time is a contemptuous act. It is a self-excused deception and people will go through whatever the rationalization process they have to, even if it means devaluing you, in order to spare their conscience and self-image. It has everything to do with the cheater, not that it hurts and steals from your life any less anyway. I hope you stay strong, and know there are many people in the world who have been hurt just like you, sick of the same thing, but who keep their hearts soft and open for the next person, possibly you. There are people who will empathize with you and treat you with value and dignity first before they would ever think of betraying you. Don’t let them miss out on ever meeting you, and don’t punish them for the transgressions of the selfish and less evolved. ❤

[@Meredithlrio]

Feels illegal to be this early❤ love your content so much.

[@unsolicitedadvice9198]

Thank you! Good to have you here!

[@kayleighdriessen]

thankfully I can't get cheated on if I'm never entering a romantic relationship.

[@InfernoBlast-th1ot]

In short: Too much high expectations and lack of a strong morale.

[@LilysNephesh]

I literally love your videos

[@urfavshe]

Here it is, what rescues me from boredom

[@HeathenDance]

Only boring people get bored.

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@HeathenDance Wow thanks. You know some people just need more stimulation than others , why is that a bad thing? When did it become a crime lol

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@HeathenDance Did somebody cheat on you because they got bored with you and now you hate anyone who needs any more stimulation than none at all -_-

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@HeathenDance Wow, who hurt you. You know some people just need more stimulation than others, dunno when that became a crime lol

[@LMorningstar-yv8ou]

@@aera3798 what? Lol 🤣

[@helcacke]

Very good section on existential adultery, very poignant in modern times where the control of the individual over their own life is so subject to the will and whims of others from my perspective at least.

[@lukecash3500]

Why people cheat on you: people are people, and those are disgusting.

[@josemaira5000]

What an amazing video! From the overall structure to the language employed! Bravo

[@legendoflex6881]

It sounds sad but love, especially in the early stages is in danger of fading just as fast as it hits you. But there is a way to help stop that from happening and transition from that exciting love into what is known as the “cuddle stage”. If or when you feel that interest or love for that person fading, do something big for them. A few months into our relationship I started to feel a bit bored and was worried that the love and interest was fading, so I spent one of my days off work cleaning up his apartment for him. Why? I heard somewhere that we love what we invest in. And I knew it had been a good minute since I had done something nice for him. So I spent a good four hours cleaning up his mess…And it worked! Because I was doing something nice for him that I didn’t necessarily want to do it forced me to remember why I was doing it…Because I had love and care for him. And receiving his call at the end of his work day when he came home was the highlight of my evening when I couldn’t be with him❤ Long story short, if the love is fading and you want it back; go out of your way to do something for them

[@HuHWhatOk]

I’m good I don’t believe in love

[@legendoflex6881]

@@HuHWhatOk I’m sorry to hear that. But I can assure you that it is definitely real. If you want to share why you feel differently I would be interested to hear why. Otherwise I have to highly disagree

[@HuHWhatOk]

@@legendoflex6881 isn’t

[@qchtohere8636]

Just people dealing with the fact that love, as everything else, is a farce.

[@kayleighhrf]

clicked so fast when i saw the title of this video 😭

[@Fenrisson]

Hey! Ground News got to you! Glad to see it mate, well done.

[@richardvennel9679]

These are life lessons you can spend a lifetime trying to figure out, but some people never do, and perhaps they don’t want to. It’s understanding the difference between puppy love (infatuation) and real love. Infatuation is self-centered, an obsession with an illusion that will dispel when you move to grasp it, because you’re not seeing the real, flawed human you think you’re “In Love” with, warts and all. There isn’t much thought given to day-to-day reality and the long term complexity of human relationships. So, of course they inevitably fail (most of the time) when someone leaves their spouse or partner for a fling. It’s like landing a kiss on a Faerie 🧚; if you somehow manage to do it; they suddenly become a Troll. A fantasy needs to stay in the realm of fantasy; else it will be destroyed.

[@roses6564]

People overestimate the extent to which people leave spouses for "fantasy." Truth hiding in plain sight: most leave because their relationship sucks. It's that simple. This doesn't mean it's the other spouse's fault. It means the dyad itself, the match and the dynamic between the two, literally sucks. Even in modern times, divorce has heavy consequences and even the most shallow would rather not risk the penalties. What happens more often is that people end up marrying flings or quasi, then they rationalize backwards and attach sacred meaning to an inherently flimsy match just because Elvis from Vegas (or sanctimonious equivalent) handed them a paper. Most people marry poorly in terms of odds of long-term compatibility, connection and lifelong pair bonding. This is the real problem, not that people throw away awesome marriages for stupid flings. Some do but most who leave have a good reason. So it's usually the other way around: people marry stupid flings or what's available (often because they want to settle down, have the family and get the respectable married status) until the veil slips down and the questionable choice of partner stands revealed. If later they meet someone who finally makes sense ...then the trouble commences. Our belief that all marriages are essentially fine or "workable" if only spouses did "the right thing," is rooted in egalitarianism which treats people as more or less equal and interchangeable cogs in the marital technology. "Grass is greener" is less common than "Grass is green enough, I'll get married, else I'll be left with cats." The latter produces a lot more casualties than the former. Only later, with perspective, do people learn their colors.

[@Ttyumbra]

⁠@@roses6564​​⁠could you expand on what would be great choices, terms of long term connection, lifelong pairs, and compatibility?. Do we really need to be similar to have the best outcomes?.

[@roses6564]

@@Ttyumbra Yes and no. People harbor huge misconceptions about what compatibility is. They think it's being carbon copy of each other, especially on trivia: listening tothe same music, sharing the same hobbies, eating the same food - all sorts of trivialities except what actually matters. Compatibility has many layers including social (culture, race/ethnicity, social class, walk of life etc) and psychological (IQ , personality type, any childhood traumas, life experiences etc), plus ideological (philosophy, outlook on life, creeds, beliefs, etc). Any differences must be complementary and make life easier, not frustrating to where one secretly wishes the other could change. Compatibility comes mostly from similar depths of thought, even if the two may not agree on everything. But the depth of conversation needs to happen at the same level otherwise the two will begin feeling off wavelength, and possibly lonely and not understood. It's a very complex process which you can never entirely control with rationality, check off lists and such, but your intuition tells you. Bright people have bright instincts, so they need to listen to that intuition and ignore "common advice," since only their intuition is the best gauge for compatibility. If they are not so bright they will confuse Compatibility and Romanticism with Eroticism and that's gonna make a mess, which is what usually happens with the marriages of not so bright people. Mess can also result from the opposite attitude: instead of marrying on erotic criteria, they marry on pragmatics, bouncing from one wrong to another. It can be just as bad. Compatibility, symbiosis, connection are crucial for lifelong success of a relationship.

[@richardvennel9679]

@@roses6564 Excellent point. I think getting married young also feeds into this; people (due to cultural and family pressures, getting pregnant, or just the need to have 2 incomes) often get married or in relationships at a young age before they know who they (themselves) are as a person. As an 18 year old, your brain is still very much in development and continues to grow until age 25 and later. The last thing that someone of this age needs to do is get in a relationship or married. But they do, and have kids (while being kids themselves) and end up divorced within a period of time. I know this from firsthand experience. As a shy dork with limited experience; It was our friends who set up the meeting of who became my 2nd ever girlfriend and eventually 1st wife. She was the best friend of my best friends’ girlfriend. Kind of an arranged pairing. I was 17, she was 18 when we lived together and this lasted 10 years but it fell apart, (right after finally officially getting married) because we hadn’t grown up yet when starting and were never really compatible. Lesson Learned.

[@richardvennel9679]

@@Ttyumbra As an allegorical example… Think coordinating baggage, but not matching. Coordinating baggage supports and highlights the other; Competing baggage, not so good. Both parties doing the same thing at same time may not work. For example, I have ADHD traits, while my wife has AUTISM traits. If there were a venn diagram of overlapping neuro-spicy characteristics, we have a lot in common but are definitely separate in our quirks, characteristics, traumas and adaptations. But we each support the other as individuals in our respective interests and views while also making our time together (just the 2 of us, away from the family and world) a priority as well. Example: a lot of women hate guys playing video games, but my wife and I either play stuff together on Oculus or Arcade, but also parallel play, just hanging out.

[@Ininrompu]

I love your videos dude!

[@unsolicitedadvice9198]

Thank you! That is very kind!

[@Ininrompu]

@@unsolicitedadvice9198 Darn. I feel honored to get a compliment from one of my favourite content creators thanks man

[@maddo-hq9jr]

Easy answer to why people cheat on you: because we trust them. But it's awesom that can give me a half hour video about it!

[@sussett]

It's far more complicated than that, distrust on people can also lead to cheating :^) It's all about balance.

[@maddo-hq9jr]

@@sussett yeah but if you don't trust anyone nobody can cheat on you

[@CuriousCrow-mp4cx]

Wrong answer. People cheat because they don't know what they really want, and don't know themselves very well.

[@sussett]

@@maddo-hq9jr Yes, they still can, because if you relate to people, or depend on them to a certain extend (which you will always do), it means you have to rely (in other words, trust) on them. In any case, if we all start acting without ever trusting, it will be full of betrayal, in other words, cheating :^) Hope you can see what I mean, and if you got hurt, you can heal.

[@Moperandi-k3x]

@@maddo-hq9jr I've met a lot of people who don't trust the people they date and they get cheated on way more often, both because they push their partners into their behaviour and because reliable, emotionally stable people don't want to date a misanthropic, fragile loser.

[@AvaToccoRodriguez]

I do sincerely hope that you’re having a good day, dear reader.

[@mathieumaticien]

Please Simone Weil's "Waiting for God". As an agnostic, I think it's a much better thesis for God than C.S. Lewis's arguments.

[@viabrunobruni5517]

Great video, please continue with new ones!

[@VladislavBabbitt]

Such is the harsh reality.

[@davidfescoto3981]

We loved this one.

[@stevereeves871]

Hence the reason i choose to remain a loner, get my daily errands done, observe from the sidelines and go on about my business, relationships are nothing but a business transaction where one side ends up gaining and the other gets crushed beyond repair. Marriage is even worse😂

[@Duck4You]

Bro rn: 🗿 🗿 🗿 Sigma moment!!! Balkan stare + winter arc…

[@HeathenDance]

Bang without compromise.

[@Ttyumbra]

@@stevereeves871 Dang is that true of most relationships?.

[@Moperandi-k3x]

@@Ttyumbra No he needs therapy. 95% of my relationships were incredibly fulfilling and enjoyable and I'm still friends with most of my exes.

[@MirandaRichardson-s5d]

I don't agree with remaining a loner you can always find someone like you and have a partner

[@DoriansPortrait]

Passion as a justification to abandon morals, only leads to suffering. Don't make this mistake. No passion threatening morality is worth the cost of your peace and self respect. In some instances, the pain of having done this can be eternal.

[@Mutantcy1992]

I've been cheated on by a girl who didn't fit anything I've heard about women or relationships prior or after. Lets see if this video has the answer. Edit: Yeah I guess the notion of "it's about excitement more than anything" makes sense. She had never had stability in her life. She lived with me for a year and had the most sober and stable year of her adult life and had a lot of mental distress because...well...she had been constantly high and drunk to avoid her issues. But she placed the blame on me and then got bored/annoyed with the object of her boredom.

[@shakibs827]

must be a nightmare bruh . don't stress it and chill out okay 😊

[@Mutantcy1992]

@@shakibs827 thanks yeah I guess my problem has been stressing guess I'll just stop doing that thanks

[@MLP8044]

Youll find the right girl, Im shure! Sorry that happend to you

[@zoted]

@@Mutantcy1992you can’t help people change unless they want to change first, you can nudge them in that direction but eventually it won’t work out

[@nobsguykeepitreal]

Why would you even settle for someone who didn't have a stable lifestyle up until meeting you?

[@TheHobby_Lobby]

Listening to these videos gets me through work! Thank you!😊