Why People With ADHD Struggle to remember Things

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Those of us with ADHD struggle to remember things every day. It's something we have learned to live with our entire lives, and a lot of times the people around us just don't understand. So, why do people with ADHD struggle to remember things?
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"The Show Must Be Go”, “Carefree”, “Life of Riley”, “Bittersweet”
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
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[@HowtoADHD]

Ok, the irony…I was busy finishing my chapter for the book called “How to Remember Stuff”) and forgot my vlog about this was posting today 🤦‍♀ On the bright side, the chapter is looking REALLY good. …I just need to write out the toolbox section before I forget…

[@p_serdiuk]

forgor💀

[@werbnaright5012]

This doesn't make sense.

[@SuperBoop]

Forgdor

[@GTSongwriter]

In this video you said you felt like a B.A.D. [Broken, Awful, Defective] person and felt like a S.T.U.P.I.D. [Simpleminded, Thoughtless, Unaware, Pedantic, Irrational, Dense] person. Is this true?

[@hansisbrucker813]

Aaaaaand ... did you do it? 🙃

[@benhagstrom2185]

Important to note that memory issues can lead us to be mistreated. It was super easy for others to gaslight me since I was used to relying on others for an "accurate" record of events.

[@gerdina5168]

Oof, that is a very good point :(

[@KienjeTheGiant]

Oh my goodness. I learned to doubt my working memory to a fault that I ask did you say x when I am hearing information.

[@jimwilliams3816]

That is SO true. I had to deal with a someone seriously scamming my elderly father that way. I believe he was undiagnosed AuDHD -- just got diagnosed myself -- and by then his short term memory was extremely poor. And in this state, there was nothing we could do about it, because he was an adult. Our only options were either to go to court and try to have him declared incompetent -- which I did NOT want to do -- or do what my wife and I did, which was constantly try to counter the gaslighting. Lots of sleepness nights, which damaged my mental health and our marriage.

[@kitcrft421]

Yep And on top of that we usually attract narcissists because of this 😅😭

[@volvo480]

This!

[@scaredyfish]

One reason I had trouble getting diagnosed is that when I saw the psychiatrist, I couldn’t remember the things I wanted to talk about, so I just came across as generally okay.

[@jules-sf5us]

THIS

[@BlackIceDragonSalome]

That's why I wrote a list with my adhd symptoms. It has over 3 pages and is basically just every adhd symptom. 😆I really hope that it will help me with the diagnosis, because I wrote this while being hyperfocused :D

[@4thofjuly395]

Fr.

[@AndreaCrisp]

I used to have this problem too. Even with my counselor/therapist. Now I keep notes on everything just like Jess.

[@RiskoPlexus]

I feel that so much! Both my father and I have to write down what we want to say, so some sessions is just us reading our phone notes. 😂 (I am diagnosed with ADHD, my father isn’t but he suspects)

[@winterstarlight3418]

"It must not have been important if you forgot it" honestly hits hard. I wish people understood that it's not done intentionally...

[@Aroacerat]

Yes! My mother tells me this so often.

[@svenbtb]

I have ALWAYS struggled with this, and have made people I care about a lot think that I don't care about them because I can't remember an important date, etc. It takes so much effort to remember stuff, even if it's something that I care about a lot and am excited about it'll just slip out and then be gone.

[@KnordRW]

I turn this phrase on its head whenever I forget things.....I'll say "it must have been something important" when I forget things - because those are the things I will often forget.

[@chanieweiss4288]

@KnordRW if it wasn't important it wouldn't make it on the list of things to remember. The important ones crowd other things out.

[@jujublue4426]

That's why I'm writing every important events in my Google agenda now

[@booopz9534]

Literally teared up when you were talking about how forgetting things impacted your life. I remember many times when people have shamed me for forgetting important things. It made me think to myself, "How could i do this? Why can't I just remember things like everyone else?". My whole life Iv'e felt so horrible and ashamed that my memory is so bad and i felt i just wasn't good enough. Thank you for helping me feel not so alone :)

[@janpetsch620]

Yes me too. I am 70 years old and only started meds a year ago, but even with the meds...even knowing I had ADHD for maybe 30 years...Her story is painful and I identified.

[@Zilch79]

Yeah. Me too.

[@shaesmith2831]

I’ve forgotten my own name and birthday before and that’s not helpful when dealing with the police. Let’s just say that was an awful night

[@kingzach74]

Me as well Brains! I get so emotional every time I watch one of these videos because it feels like I finally found someone who was able to explain how I'm feeling every day, the struggles I go through, and because of this channel if someone points something out to me about me forgetting something, I can refer to videos like this for advice or for a person to understand how much of a struggle this is and that if I forget something it isn't because I don't care about them.

[@gettingintrospective]

My job uses a lot of working memory. I've been trying to switch careers for a decade now, but the shackles, they are made of gold. And the schedule is flexible. In fact, I started working 2 hours ago and got nothing done, except I don't get paid for that time... what did I even do for the past 2 hours? 😰 I dream of a repetitive mundane task. I came to YT to find a ASMR background noise to help me focus, and now I'm here. 👋

[@akai7sora]

The most intimidating thing about the memory issues for me is that you never know what you're going to forget.

[@Galactus23]

For real the memory issues come like a thief in the night you just don't see it coming till its too late and you already forgot something critical

[@wiegraf9009]

Yep it's basically something out of a horror movie, like you're cursed or haunted by a memory stealing monster

[@andrewswanson4819]

Life is like a box of chocolates-...

[@jimmymichaud8227]

It always what you think you could never forget

[@dkroberts1163]

And so I obsess over not forgetting that one thing until my brain is so full of excessive obsession that I either overwhelmingly forget what I was obsessing over, or I cannot function because of the one obsessive thing that my mind blanks the obsession out yet my brain knows I’m forgetting something important.

[@LashknifeTalon]

"It obviously wasn't that important to you, since you forgot" is a refrain I hear constantly and it honestly, truly made me question myself a lot over the course of my life. "Gee, I guess they're right, if it was REALLY important I wouldn't have forgotten this. I...guess I don't actually care about this thing."

[@shannongoodwin4912]

❤

[@cbpd89]

This is a good reminder for me to not use this line on my kids.

[@lexykj]

THIS! I've also heard "You'll either make it happen or make an excuse" for things like being on time or completing tasks. I swear the biggest effect of ADHD is being convinced (by both ourselves and others) that we don't care "enough" about anyone or anything.

[@xCCflierx]

I thought if I cared more I'd remember more. So I put extra care into it. 😢 I care so much more than other people that it just hurts so much more when I forget

[@basemaboujudom6742]

Hi I am wondering if you can make a video request about Driving challenges with people with ADHD. This is a barrier I have been facing for a various amount of years and I need some tips.

[@Zita098765]

The part where «You would remember if it was important» hit me really hard. I get scorned because I need to write stuff down, because it doesn’t look like I’m paying attention. And I sometimes focus so much on writing important stuff down that I forget to contribute to the conversation. But I am getting better at being shameless about it. Thank you for talking about it!

[@1elitegeek]

​@@Egalitarianism_Secularism Genuinely not sure if you're being sarcastic or serious

[@TheSeptet]

​@@Egalitarianism_Secularismhey Shawn, do me a favor and go Google "how does mental disability work?" Then never tell a disabled person that they can just "train away" their disability again. Have a nice day!

[@No-day-off]

You can use the Uno reverse card tho

[@kateschwab5117]

@Shawn2025 It’s not up to you to “inspire” me out of the things I struggle with due to disabilities. That’s insulting. Your approach implies you wouldn’t believe us when you tell you that we need a specific accommodation to participate in an activity. That if we just try harder we’ll be “normal”. Whether you think that’s what you’re saying or not, that’s the end point of your approach. I wonder if you only tell people they haven’t tried hard enough without knowing a single thing about them on the internet and wouldn’t dare say it to anyone’s face.

[@chanieweiss4288]

Being shameless about our frailties is hard, but it develops over time. It's why older people can say "I'm this age & I'm honest about myself. "

[@michaelreynolds4268]

The bit about needing to write a thought down so that you no longer have to hold it, that hit because it really be like that. I've been trained my whole life not to interrupt people which means I often lose the thing I wanted to say. Instead I cling onto the thought waiting for my turn to say it, but that comes at the cost of being present for what's being said by the other person.

[@ljlj6694]

Very well stated!!! 👏

[@svenbtb]

Yeah, I have problems with that where they can TELL I'm trying to hold onto a thought and not forget it, but then if you come across as just waiting for your turn then it's very obvious and distracting. So I try my best to be active in listening and showing them I'm interested and listening, but then I often lose what I'm trying to say and what I wanted to ask and THAT can come off as not caring too and ARRRGGG it's so frustrating you lose no matter what!

[@Ponk_80]

This is how I have it too. I hope that you are coping. Hug.

[@mrivai]

Damn, feels like you're describing me.

[@michelegardemann4389]

I'm a relationship coach and I just figured out I have ADHD. It's been so hard listening to my client without interrupting because I know I'll forget the thing I was going to say to help them.

[@SuperBoop]

My mother always gets mad when I don't remember, and tells me I need to start remembering. Even knowing that my ADHD causes this, my mom just calls it an excuse. It's so hard and even when I set a note for myself, I'll forget to look at the note! It's so annoying. I agree with having the forgetfulness being the worst part of my ADHD too.

[@coffeeconfessor4747]

I use alarms and calendar reminders a lot. My phone alarm is set to Hei Hei screaming so I hear it even when I'm in the hyperfocus zone. My meds have multiple reminders, both on paper and on my phone as alarms and apps-just to make sure I don't forget. My laptop has sticky notes installed so I just leave a perpetual note up to remind me of things, or to take notes of an idea or something. Researching for my thesis has forced me to find a lot of different ways to remind myself of things.

[@therealking6202]

Hahaha!!! "I set a note, but then I forget to look at the note!". OMG too true!!! I'll even set it on my phone so I get a pop up alert... But when that pop up comes, sometimes I'll reflexively clear it, and think "oh yeah, that's the biggest thing I have to do, I'm not going to forget!" Famous last words! 🤣🤣

[@hettiesimpson]

I used to buy calendars and agendas to keep myself organized but then I would forget to write anything in them, and if I did write anything in them I would forget to look

[@khill8645]

Other people thinking we should 'start remembering' has got to be the funniest thing, it'd be like telling a paraplegic to "just get up and walk" -- oh, why didn't anybody tell me it was that easy?! 😄

[@midnightgacha9999]

Yea ❤❤❤

[@RyaStarGames]

Memory is my #1 struggle as someone with ADHD. I forget things that people just told me, I forget birthdays, I forget to eat, I forget to write in my notebook, I forget that I made plans with Jessica later this week, I forgot that I signed up for that new workout thing, I forget to pay my bills, I forget some of my most important and life altering memories.

[@RyaStarGames]

I have spent years trying to get better but it isn't as easy as it sounds. I have learned to live with these parts of myself but the shame that goes along with being unable to remember even some of the most basic things means I just live a VERY different life than my friends who can remember things

[@SuperBoop]

I used to be so scared of forgetting things forever that I drew my favorite things so I'd never forget. Or sent them in a text to myself.

[@jmaloney928]

Maybe this explaines my obsession with photographing everything that I want to remember, assuming I can remember to take the photo in the first place

[@jmaloney928]

One of my big ones.. forgetting to cancel a subscription after a free trial, for example. Oh.. and paying the DMV registration on time is apparently nearly impossible for me.

[@bradleyard4195]

I have, in fact, forgotten to eat. Just this week, I was getting ready for bed at, like, 10:30pm, and I was like, "Y'know, I don't think I ever ate dinner!", so I ended up making a frozen pizza. Then there's the times that I remember to eat, but forget that I did, so now I'm wondering if I actually ate, so I eat again even though I'm not actually hungry, my brain just thinks I'm hungry because I can't remember that I just had dinner two hours ago.

[@stephclark4715]

Forgetting intimate details of my loved ones' lives is the worst feeling. And... I forgot the rest of the brilliant point I was about to make... The struggle is so dang real.

[@NeedMoreYarn]

As an undiagnosed ADHDer, I can attest that relationship forgetfulness is the worst. I'm in a cross-country relationship and I wanna say that "out of sight, out of mind" is a struggle I deal with every day. I forget about my husband every day (unless I'm actively thinking of him) because he's not physically around. and it's already very hard to remember the trips we've taken and the times together; it makes it feel impossible sometimes. And then I'm left with this feeling of longing and loss without much to attach it to other than maybe a single blur from a recent trip or a fleeting snap-image of his gaze or laugh. Somehow we've gotten through 5 years so far but only in the last 6 months have I realized I probably have ADHD and it's been getting much harder over the time we've been together. It's been freeing to find a reason for things, but also doesn't change the fact I can't remember anything from our relationship most of the time and it's pretty mentally devastating.

[@ianjames3078]

Eye colour…….birthdays…….when their parent died 😪😪😪

[@heatherswanson9133]

When I was a kid, my parents always told me since I forgot it was that I just did not care about so many things. But over time they found out about my ADHD forgetfulness and have come around to it. I hate forgetting, even when I am looking for my car keys when they are in my hand!

[@waffles3629]

Ugh same. Like I do care. And it especially hurt when it was said about something I obviously cared about.

[@jenicacrail9989]

I had the same experience as a kid. My mom would even accuse me of not caring about HER because I would forget to do something she asked me to do. I hated myself, not her. Sooo much shame.

[@averycockburn31]

One upside of ADHD for me is that because I'm so forgetful, I'm very forgiving when other people forget, and I don't take it personally. If a friend takes three months (or three years) to return an email, no sweat, because I forgot about my email ~fifteen minutes after I sent it. So when they do reply, it's a happy surprise for me!

[@rdenouden]

Yeah nah, for me it does not work that way although I have ADHD too, if it comes to negative emotions or interactions I am just like an elephant. Unfortunately it makes me bitter and stacking negative stuff :-(

[@venkatasaikiranborra5394]

One thing that happens to me is that I get over things a lot easily. Like say I get upset about something, within an hour or few hours (even though I try to stay upset) my brian just loses it and I'm back to feeling normal. For some reaons my brain is good at just letting go and forgetting and "forgiving" In other words makes me less likely to be jealous, or holds grudges. I don't know whether or not this thing of my brain is related to ADHD or not. Just wanted to share this.

[@ouchpaw3518]

To me its not necessarily the forgetting stuff that impacts me most, but the stress of always feeling like there is SO much TO remember and the fear of forgetting. Always chasing my own tail. It's tiring.

[@prapanthebachelorette6803]

This is true

[@SANKORGRE]

@@prapanthebachelorette6803 try post it notes and reminders on your phone sooo helpful for me

[@pizzaforever69]

legit true ...trying to remember many things and you forget most of them . before going college, l always prepare myself the day before l go with everything l need . than next day in college , l forget to bring a pen . 🤣

[@thecombokiller2]

indeed. i always feel like i've forgotten something really important, like paying bills or deadlines. recently i procrastinated applying to higher education so much, that i missed the deadline to it. and now i have to wait 6 months to apply again :(

[@MissAinePatrick]

… by the end of the day the stress of trying not to forget something important can completely deplete me. Even with “scaffolding” in my life.

[@Tsu4444]

One thing I've been thinking about lately-which I don't think I've heard anyone in the ADHD space ever mention before, but it's something I've noticed often enough with many ADHDers-is how hard it can be to speak without interruptions in your speech. By this, I mean that often we'll pause as we try to remember the next word we were gonna say, like "Hey, I'm gonna go to the, uh...grocery store, to get...err, milk." It can make holding a conversation both challenging and embarrassing, which is why I much prefer communicating via text rather than voice. To me this is related to a lack of working memory, but I've never heard anyone talk about this issue while discussing the subject. Have any of your colleagues done any research or posted any videos on this?

[@Ponk_80]

I struggle with this too. I hope you find what you are looking for, best of luck.

[@a_921]

I do this, but I think my gaps (I hate filler words, so I just stay silent) are longer than I experience them as, because people have started finishing the word / sentence for me. * sigh *

[@estherfriesen2175]

This! Yes, this is me, and I've been looking for this type of comment! I'm still new to the ADHD space, only realized a few weeks ago that I probably have it, and I didn't know if preferring text over voice for that reason was connected to my probably having ADHD.

[@little1133]

Oh i have this issue! It's especially hard in things like public speaking where the ums and errs can take away from your point

[@jonathanharoun5247]

This could also be caused by PTSD.

[@DanSherryOfTheTon]

I almost cried in this video. My memory is something I have been ashamed of for so long. Forgetting names of people and places has been so damaging - to others as well as myself. I'm constantly battling myself to not interrupt people for the exact thing you described. That is literally what it is like. I can't even express how this made me feel. Knowing that there is someone who can put into words let alone understand. Thank you.

[@walidsarwary]

How old are you , I dont forget close friends name but others I don't remember sometimes doese this happen to you

[@celticdenefew]

Forgetting a coworker's name when I have been working with them for ages is definitely something that happens to me way tooo often. I literally say peoples names in my head when I walk by them in the hall to remind myself constantly

[@mlippert]

Yesterday I struggled to remember the names of my direct superiors. Worked with them for the last 10 years. Remembered one name, blanked on the other three. Awkward because it was during a phone call with big boss...

[@MariposaRedimida]

I called my coworker the right name, then immediately corrected myself to another coworker's name only to take it back right away - fun times! This was just as he walked in and I was just saying hi. So embarrassing.

[@Sanctor95]

Omg same! xD Even on my way to a meet-up, I'm thinking "Okay so the older couple are... Bill?- no Gil and Helen, the short one is Emma..." etc 💀💀

[@DevNull-lt5lv]

Or when you have to write down a thing or relay it. Like a 4 digit number and you repeat it to yourself over and over and over the whole walk between where you got it and where you need to deliver it and the person asks for it and it's already gone :'(

[@MK-hz2bn]

One of the hardest things to deal with. I hate this part of it. Thank goodness for google calendar.

[@danaeddins8635]

So much of my anxiety comes from worrying about WHAT IM FORGETTING 😩

[@danaeddins8635]

@Jared Haas i can relate!

[@mlippert]

I've realized that my mood improves when either I am sick, or something terrible happens to me. It gives me the certainty that a) I have an excuse for not remembering/doing stuff or b) I know exactly what is the number 1 priority at this moment.

[@MariposaRedimida]

Soooooooo true "Am I supposed to be doing something important right now?" And setting up a ridiculous amount of alarms/reminders for everything I need to do.

[@kja1217]

yep... 🙃

[@ginajones899]

Every morning on my drive to work I’m trying to think of what I may have forgotten to do before leaving…

[@andymoss]

I don’t always equate “forgetting” with “can’t remember”. Forgetting to take the trash out on a Monday, for me, isn’t the same as my inability to remember a new process. Both are incredibly frustrating and debilitating and don’t help with other associated mental health issues.

[@a_921]

Agree. My mind deletes names. Downright deletes them. Immediately after hearing them.

[@timothystewart4846]

I've been accused of not caring about things because I had forgotten about them and It really hurt my feelings because my heart is way bigger than that.

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@elemaster3428]

Yes. This. We love so much and so hard. Why can't people see that through the forgetfulness?

[@FujishimaAkiko]

The memory issues can increase when you get older too... Because we go through hormonal changes that also affects our brain... Having something like brain fog coupled with ADHD is a real blast! lol!

[@noonthetroublemaker]

Ya that's true-!! When I was in grade 5th I had memory issues but not alot Now that I'm coming to the end of grade 6th, my memory issues has gotten ALOT worse-💀 I have no clue how bad it'll get to by the time I get to 8th-💀💀💀💀

[@SuperBoop]

Exactly! I can totally relate to this.

[@coffeeconfessor4747]

add that to the brain fog from covid, my first semester back after summer break was awful. I was lucky my professors were really forgiving.

[@maemaeslay]

Yes agreed, I feel like I have some bouts of memory issues sometimes… and they can be big, but I have been using an ADHD specialized planner that is red and yellow colors that has helped tremendously in starting a habit of having a calendar. I’ve made it to month three so far

[@annaapple7452]

I was going to say that too. Premenopause is not fun, and hormones already start getting slighly wacky around 40 for a lot of women.

[@JessAwesome]

My name is also Jess and I also have ADHD and I'm so forgetful that I was afraid that I was getting dementia because I'd forget the smallest things so quickly.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

I’ve always joked that if I ever got Alzheimer’s how would anyone know?

[@wguadap2]

Omg same!! Every once in a while i went from believing that i was going crazy, that i had early dementia or alzheimer's

[@JustMe-12345]

If it helps... (not 100%, but for some things, or a general thing) If "cues" help you remember (eg you see your empty paper and remember you wanted to get a new pencil...) its less likely dementia And well... risk factor number one is age...

[@MarkWilsonCreative]

Yes! I worried about this too before I was diagnosed. It was such a huge relief to hear that it was a common ADHD trait. I had no idea.

[@carriewetsch4441]

OMG, this. And my Mom was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. 💔🙄

[@codylewis9108]

I don't think I've seen such a supportive and engaged KZbin community... EVER! 90% of comments are a whole paragraph of someone's personal story or experience. I think its a testament to how perfectly the information is presented for us to consume. Its fast, simple and most importantly - Its relatable! I originally came to this channel a few months ago to help me explain my struggles to those closest to me. I've since been through a catalogue of old videos dating back years and years that will always stay relevant. I find there's always more to learn about myself and new strategies to try and hopefully manage myself in a better way. Thank you!

[@totallynotaminecraftchanne1923]

Me too 😂

[@dallasconant1550]

Yes! This really touched me because I have been embarrassed/harassed my whole life for forgetting people's names. Especially when we had to pass out valentines. My dad once said "you have been going to school with these kids for how many years and you still don't know their names"?! Thank you for sharing these experiences. It's good to know that there are others that deal with the same stuff.

[@nerissarowan8119]

Honestly, I found that our school photos were useful because they had a list of people’s names under them. It was very helpful.

[@josecastle4731]

Names are the worst part

[@krisgormley621]

Almost crying watching this. My number one issue and my biggest cause of stress. Funnily enough, I wasn’t diagnosed for years, because I’d go to the Dr and say, ‘I’m worried about my memory’. Then pass their memory test and be sent on my way.

[@Oatmilllk]

Yep, that's because the test is interesting and trivial at the time, so your brain stores the information.

[@krisgormley621]

@@Oatmilllk They really are trivial!!

[@carlosj.medina1279]

I had the exact same experience with the doctor.

[@walidsarwary]

​@krisgormley621 what kind of test you have done can you tell me please

[@kattchesteigner4131]

I'm 54 - and I still can feel the intense shame I felt at 10 years old about forgetting to buy my bus ticket. Forgetting it every single month. Watching you sparkling with intelligence and competence while you let us see a glimpse of that pain shine through makes me cry. Love you.

[@SANKORGRE]

ADHD has affected me my entire life , now at 54 I still struggle and it has such a negative impact on my life . There is still a stigma and it worse at an older age. I wish your videos were on TV or PSA

[@marcor4706]

I'm 53, 54 in 2 months exactly. I have no idea why this video popped onto my stream today. The 1st first few minutes of this video were describing everything I have experienced, for years! Today I was returned a scarf I had forgotten yesterday. My pair of glasses has my mobile/cell number taped alongside one of its arms. I have lost so many expensive frames I've resorted to doing this for my latest pair. I keep forgetting to recover my bank card on the cashier's sensor as I pack stuff into bags; thus far I have not had it stolen or not recovered but once I went to an atm and forgot to take the money. I leave my house keys in the lock when I leave home, I am notoriously known for forgetting something wherever I go. I forget peoples' names, I forget things in the middle of things Do I have ADHD? Or just this bloody symptom Have I finally found an answer to this madness?

[@SANKORGRE]

@@marcor4706 hi have you been tested by a doc for ADHD? If not this should be a first step . If in fact you do have it ask about Straterra this has changed my life. I have been on it for over 12 yrs . And I’m only on 18mg

[@kwalling1337]

The topaz earring anecdote hit me so hard. I had something similar happen, but it was a piece of jewelry from my grandfather who passed a few years prior. I had such shame to the fact that I broke down even trying to tell my mom.

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@beemer5941]

I've personally coped with the forgetfulness by, for example, always putting things in the same spot, like by the door so I see it before I leave. What's been so frustrating is when {whatever} was moved, either by myself or someone else. I've arrived at work several times w/o my laptop because I moved my bag the night before, or someone moved it during cleaning for instance. Out of sight, not just out of mind, but gone out the door, bought a plane ticket, and now working on a tan at the beach.

[@rubytook8067]

A lot of my childhood trauma stems from nobody believing that I couldn’t remember things. This stunted my already poor communication skills and lead to a lot of self doubt and low self esteem. Even today I struggle with not being believed. The silver lining is my oldest and I can understand each other’s struggles really well and I think we have a good parent/child relationship because we are so similar. I’m positive he has ADHD too although we haven’t had him officially diagnosed yet.

[@skytrek4951]

I relate to this alot! My mom would get so infuriated with me forgetting ALOT and always loosing my things..

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .

[@CipoCat6]

It never occurred to me that memory could be the reason I hate formal phone calls so much. As an RN, I know if I call a doctor they're going to ask a lot of specific questions that I won't have quick answers to, and it stresses me out so much I put off calling. Even making appointments, because I'll realize I don't know the dates I have or won't have my credit card ready. Knowing why does oddly make it a bit easier. I'm constantly writing stuff down (and often losing or forgetting the notes), but this made me realize it's SO I can better focus on the rest of what is being said.

[@suburbanhousewife40]

So true! I have 100% the same stress over phone calls.

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

Same! I have to wait until I have nothing else more pressing, take my medicine so I can focus, get fully prepared, have no distractions, THEN I can make a phone call. I've also learned I'm a MUCH better texter because I can think before I text back, unlike a phone call where you have to come up with an answer quick or feel like an idiot!

[@MarkWilsonCreative]

@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane This! I always struggled with phone calls to the point that I got a lot of grief at work for avoiding making them and emailing instead. I needed the prep and processing time to deal with questions and the phone does not give you that.

[@darksidetaco8758]

Oh. My. Gosh. This is why I hate making phone calls! Which makes it impossible to call the doctor and reorder medication or schedule things! Light bulb on!

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

@@MarkWilsonCreative Yes! I wish people could understand why we do things the way we do! I was thinking, the other great thing about texting and emailing is we can go back and reread what someone wrote when we've forgotten it, lol! 😆 🤣

[@magnusgreel275]

You probably won't see this as it's an older video, but I'm a guy in my 40s and finally, after various diagnoses, realising that so many of my personality traits and my failures in life is down to ADHD. It wasn't helped by comorbidity with depression, anxiety etc. but... Watching your videos, it's like looking into a mirror. It's like being smacked in the face with a mirror, heh. I've lost promotion opportunities, 'failed' in tasks I should have easily been able to do, let down my very patient manager, had to repeatedly repeat university subjects... it's had such an enormous impact on my life and I'm just now, watching this video, realising how ADHD has basically repeatedly slammed me into the ground. I actually feel like crying, and I'm a pretty stoic person.

[@rachelbell6105]

Wow this hits hard, especially the part about associating remembering with importance when for us it might be SUPER important but we just… can’t *hold* it. I think the forgetting has done the most damage for my self-esteem. Also you probably won’t see this comment personally, especially if you’re still finishing up the book (woohoo!) but if you happen to- you’ve been like my “internet ADHD big sis” on the journey to my own diagnosis a year and a half ago, and I can’t even express how much your channel has helped me! ❤️ (also, I love that kombucha brand that was in your fridge!! 😂)

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@Tashax405]

The making phone calls thing is so relatable - the other day someone asked me my zipcode over the phone and I totally blanked and could not remember my own zipcode. I have to have a notepad with me when making phone calls and sometimes for work calls I even write myself a little script on the notepad that I can just read out to explain why I'm phoning.

[@guerra_dos_bichos]

this is the type of stuff that makes me think i don't have it, I can remember zipcodes, social securites , heck I can remember my ICQ number, like 99% of the time. but sometimes I have to enter the number and it just goes away, which I belive is normal... the hard thing for me would be names and some words, sometimes I forget the name of a person 30 seconds after I met them or sometimes the name of a coworker just vanishes, but the hardest part for me is forgetting words and places sometimes I can't remember the words for simple stuff like "graph" or sometimes I know a lot about a subject, and when I have to explain it I just forget the name of some specific thing in that subject

[@cass6020]

​​@@guerra_dos_bichos I relate to that. I'm bad at things like dates, but I know my full card info, bank account and routing number (but I have to pull it up every time anyway because I question which number is which), etc, if I want to memorize a mid-length string of numbers short term or long term it's very doable for me. If someone says a 6 digit number out loud once, it's like my brain goes "oh that's important" and it's like a familiar melody in my head When I was trying to DM, I had to write mini-scripts or key phrases that I wanted to recall down because I'd forget words like cathedral or periwinkle, I knew I could just say roughly the same thing a different way but it was so off-putting to not find the words I want

[@guerra_dos_bichos]

@@cass6020 yeah exactly, some times i just say "that thing related to such stuff" lol

[@liljohnyboy25]

I can relate to every comment for this thread. I can at times rattle off work orders and part numbers at work when others wonder at how I remember them, then there are so many times that I forget my zip code. I chalked it up to being new to the area or being flustered in an unknown city at a gas station, but this is clicking and making sense.

[@joshurlay]

​@Guerra dos Bichos I think your experiences are valid. Welcome to the family.

[@HeraclitusThoughtBubbles]

Hey girl, I want to mention that I’m 38 years old. I started college in 2010. Im still in college. I’ve started and stopped. Started and stopped. I find out next week if I have adhd or autism or what. But I’ve struggled through. You said adhd cost your college education, but please don’t limit yourself! You can do it! I’m going to, even if I’m the 70 year old walking (or even wheeling) across that stage! ❤❤❤❤ Btw not only am I (probably ) neurodivergent, but I’m also autoimmune and I have chronic pain and chronic fatigue. You can do anything, I believe in you!

[@HeraclitusThoughtBubbles]

I don’t have adhd. I have autism.

[@somethinggood9267]

This really encouraged me, I'm going back to school at the age of 34 after dropping out when I was 18

[@nologic29]

​@@HeraclitusThoughtBubblesWhat kind of symptoms/daily struggles etc do you experience from ASD? I'm diagnosed with ADHD but have always wondered if I may be on the spectrum as well. I'm glad you were able to find some closure!

[@rebornfurnituredesigns2492]

My son is 5 and were pretty certain he has ADHD (its hard to get a diagnosis at this age) and he constantly says "i forgot" and its been so hard for me to know if he actually forgot or if hes just a kid being careless. He forgets things like rules that hes reminded of every single day, steps in a routine that hes done everyday for years, etc. My husband has ADHD as well and i often feel ignored and unimportant to him because he never remembers things I tell him. This video solidifies to me that they really dont remember, and as frustrating it is to me to constantly hear "i forgot", it has to be a million times more frustrating to them to be the one who cant remember. Thank you for the eye opener ❤

[@drewwillingham352]

As soon as you mentioned forgetting birthdays I remembered that today is my mom’s birthday 😂 thank you for putting words to the struggles we’ve faced our whole lives and showing that we’re in this community together!

[@jennas2028]

This is a real struggle. I got lucky I remembered at the right time too!

[@suyu536]

I read this and just remembered, it was my dads birthday this month. He doesnt care abt birthdays tho. Idk if i have adhd tho

[@martincoronado9232]

I might have ADHD. Try forgetting a wedding

[@Lady_de_Lis]

Based on my experience, the forgetfulness also makes us more vulnerable to gaslighting. And being made to feel like WE are the true gaslighters in the situation. I used to live with someone who basically said that I couldn't be trusted to remember anything, and if it came down to my memory versus her memory, we should go with hers every time. Which was super convenient for her, cause she'd always remember me making promises I am pretty sure I would have never made or me insulting her in ways I am pretty sure I would never have done, etc. And every time I would tell her that I didn't do what she was accusing me of, she would always insist I was gaslighting her. Thankfully, this person is out of my life now, but still... opens you up much more to extra toxic people.

[@Nicfallenangel]

I'm in that situation now, and it feels horrible to not be able to trust your own memory or feelings. If you don't mind me asking, what was the final sign/moment that made the decision for you to walk away?

[@Lady_de_Lis]

@@Nicfallenangel In my case, she was the one who walked away from me, so that was really the only reason I realized how toxic she was. But just based on hindsight, I would say maybe just be on the lookout for red flags. Like, do they always assume the worst about your intentions for everything you do? Are they talking dirty about you to your mutual friends when you're not around? Are they being passive aggressive rather than having an adult conversation with you about what's bothering them? Do you find yourself desperately wanting them to like you but at the same time you feel miserable any time you are with them? I would say that those are some clear signs that you might want to consider leaving them. But I definitely recommend getting advice from someone more qualified than me, if you can.

[@Nicfallenangel]

@@Lady_de_Lis Thank you for being so open and honest with me. I am starting to notice flags and have been talking with a counselor while trying to figure everything out. I know how easy confirmation bias filters in when I can only see "my side" of the situation and leaning only on videos and the words of strangers. Your comments definitely help and bring up things I can explore with my counselor later. Thank you again.

[@kasroa]

Do you not find also that some people are incredibly confident in their own memory, and yet even though you can't prove they are wrong (because your own memory is vague) you know for a fact they are wrong. My memory is poor but it responds well to prompts and triggers, at which point I can actually tell when other people are confidently remembering wrong.

[@happynjoyousnfree]

I lost my mother's London Fog coat when I was a young woman. She had a memory with that coat from about 40 years earlier.... I felt horrible. I have felt horrible so many times about being forgetful. I'm so happy for you that you're SO YOUNG and have figured so much of this out already. I had no clue why I was such a screw up for decades of my life. You're very fortunate and you help so many others with these videos. Thank you 💖

[@seekingfinding6204]

I've left things behind in restaurants and theaters. It sucks!

[@Jmoom12]

I appreciate this video. It had me in tears a few times because I can relate to your feelings of success and the frustration that comes with the consequences of just simply forgetting. I was tested and diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10. My parents did not tell me about the diagnosis until I was in my 30s. Growing up not knowing I have ADHD but knowing I was different and did not fit the mold everyone was trying to push me into was so frustrating because I would constantly fail at things and not feel like I was successful at it. My parents would always tell me that, "forgetting is not an excuse." Yes, I understand as a kid and teenager that sometimes I would just say that to get them off my back about something, but the majority of the time it was legitimate forgetting. And I would get so angry and confused why they did not realize I truly would forgot things. So to avoid the inevitable anxiety and depression that comes from this constantly happening, which by the way did not help as you would guess, my mind would radically accept the fact that I was just "dumb", "different in a bad way", "doomed to fail and not achieve what I truly want to in life", etc. It is a habit that I am trying to overcome and break, unfortunately it had decades to become rooted in my brain. I guess I am just trying to say thank you for addressing this. I beat myself up bad for forgetting even the smallest most insignificant things, and this video gave me hope. It helped me realize that it is okay to forget and I am not alone even when I have convinced myself for decades that I was.

[@sidsaxena7835]

What did I just read.

[@matthewluzitano]

For me, my memory issues feel a lot like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue, and you just can't remember it. It's that feeling but for so many things.

[@MarkWilsonCreative]

"I know I'm forgetting something but I've forgotten what it is." Yeah...that. There's just a thought-shaped hole.

[@matthewluzitano]

@@MarkWilsonCreative well put!

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me i wanna know if i have dementia or it is adhd.

[@Northumbergull]

I'm nearly 63 and was only diagnosed aged 59. I read somewhere, I forget where 😁, that us adhders have problems encoding memories in the first place. I feel like huge chunks of my life just happened without me creating memories. There are so many things that I wish that I could remember 😔

[@Raevarie]

❤❤ I feel the same, you are not alone

[@obgfoster]

I think we don't encode the memory because we're paying attention to something else almost right away.

[@jimwilliams3816]

I think I’ve read it takes about 25 minutes before something held in short term memory to be transferred to long term memory. Which would explain a lot for us, wouldn’t it? 🙄

[@_shadow_1]

I tend to not be able to actively recall memories on demand. Also I know that memories are in there somewhere, but it's like they are stored as bits of information without context rather than as a whole series of events. If you asked me what I learned from 5th grade, I couldn't tell you, but if you asked me about something which I learned in back 5th grade, there's a good chance I could remember the answer, dispite not remembering where it came from.

[@KuriusOranj]

Absolutely!! So many times I would do something with friends, like see a movie or go to a concert, and afterwards have no real memory of what happened. One of my friends can remember set lists from concerts we saw decades ago, but I often can't even remember going to that show. Oddly, I have perfect memory of song titles, artists, lyrics, and odd TV shows from the 80s. And as she mentioned in the video, I have a co-worker whose name I can almost never remember - even when reminded of his name only moments previous.

[@mylesanderson5719]

I really needed to hear this. I was tearing up through most of this video. My memory issues have been such a huge obstacle in my life. You described so well that feeling of shame when forgetting the name of a friend I'm either talking to or talking about. You're such a genuinely kind and open person and I appreciate you so much! 😊

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@Arwen_xx]

This resonated with me so much. I honestly hadn’t fully connected the forgetfulness thing to the ADHD (like I had vaguely, but not in detail) and this very much validates a lot of my experiences.

[@sarahpena9501]

Well then welcome to the club 😊

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@MrRaniera]

My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD which has made me realise, I’m just like him. My wife always gets angry when I interrupt her and other people stories with questions and I never understood why I kept doing it, even though she has complained to me over and over again. This video gives me a lot of clarity. Thanks

[@harounben342]

Oh man

[@ninawth]

My mother died when I was 16 (about 12,5 years ago) and it terrified me how quickly I started to forget things about her. I didn't know that I have ADHD until August of 2021, but knowing that makes me worry about this even more. I may have children one day but I feel like I won't be able to tell them stories about their grandmother anymore, because I won't remember any.

[@MarkWilsonCreative]

I feel this deeply. My long term memory is a baron wasteland sparsely populated by isolated highlights for the most part. It makes me so sad.

[@VAwitch]

​@@MarkWilsonCreative this... Is a sobering but accurate description of our memory. Daaaaamn

[@rdenouden]

Same for me, that kind of stuff gets burried very easily. Have the same issues. Few weeks ago I had a discussion with my wife as she is learning how to deal with me and the kids who inherited my genes. She was wondering how it would be if she would die, I had to admit that probably I would go on very quickly. That because I am to blunt to have anything with losing people and basically because the out of sight rule. I love them but if they would die or just leave I would most likely just forget. People in the past would say I am coldhearted and indifferent, it is painful they do not understand what is going on with our brains.

[@EsmereldaPea]

I'm so sorry. Would it help if you set an alarm to go off every day to remind you to spend 15-30 minutes writing memories of your mom? Carry a small notebook and pen maybe?

[@katywalker1048]

Idk your adhd or your situation but, I’ve always had a really good long term memory, the buried memories. I was worried about the same thing when my dad passed in 2009 but, the memories come back at the oddest time like I went to look at the stars the other night and remembered watching Haley’s comet with a telescope with my father down to the smell of his cigarette and cologne

[@spx2327]

I never knew ADHD had anything to do with memory. I thought people with ADHD only have problems with concentrating and sitting still so thank you so much for sharing!

[@ebossnz6838]

I didn't get diagnosed till I was 30. With inattentive add. I'm now 35. It's amazing how much of my life's different now. And yeah the memory one was the most personal because you feel like you're the only one.

[@MidwestDetailer]

@@ebossnz6838 I want to get diagnosed and put on medication so bad. I'm only 22, but I know what's up. Now that you're on the other side, what are your notable differences? I seriously think my life can turn around in every aspect.

[@seyj7457]

I was just talking with my family at lunch a few days ago about how my childhood is practically devoid of memories, and it was really disheartening to hear each of my siblings recount things from the past that I was literally present for, but cannot for the life of me recall anything about them. I sometimes feel like I "lost" that time in my life by having so few memories that I can even describe. I honestly feel like I could go deeper into this topic, but I can't formulate anything else right now 😅 It is really nice to have a tangible reason for this, but that doesn't really get anything back for me. I guess I just wish I could recover that piece of my brain.

[@EsterHorbach-it9tb]

I never understood why I forget memories so often like childhood memories or even younger ones. Now I know it's part of ADHD.😢

[@ma77mc]

My problem is, I have an excellent memory for most things but I also have huge working memory problems and people think I’m purposely “forgetting” their thing.

[@elisabethscott20]

Me too 😔

[@camellia8625]

There is a difference between short term working memory and long term memory.

[@Ivanbolder]

Telling myself it is okay to take notes has been so hard. I was diagnosed 5 months ago, and I'm still nervous to ask people if it is okay to stop. It is amazing the roadblocks that have been set in front of us because of allistic expectations. Thank you for talking about this.❤

[@VAwitch]

It's a good natured (as best as I can tell, my recent Autism dx makes me wonder if I'm missing subtle dissing) joke at my new job, that I have to write it in my notebook (Rocketbook) or my recollection is NOT going to be good. Also Co workers have learned that I may repeat stuff a bit, as I write it down, but my notes are laid out in a way I am now asked about stuff.

[@jannettb7930]

As a prolific note-taker myself, I would just suggest instead of asking if it's OK to stop, to just explain that this is important to you and you want to make sure you've got it, and to ask them if they can go slowly so you can make notes. It might not be practical in a group setting, but in my experience if I'm one on one with someone it helps to just let them know what I'm doing and why

[@cja4793]

I'm so self conscious about my note taking. My coworkers tease me about it a lot. I hate that it makes me look like I'm Type A and Serious. It gives people a totally inaccurate picture of my personality. I joke along at my own expense, but I wish I could be like them.

[@deathbeforedecaf7755]

Lol not me just not taking notes bc I won’t read them nor remember. I do a lot of lists and put dates in my phone though. But if it’s long than a quick note, I won’t bother. I’m a terrible note taker & have a hard time narrowing info down

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .

[@addicted2mako]

One of the biggest improvements that happened after getting medication was my memory. It became so much easier to remember where I put things (and where my husband left things). It’s not a complete improvement; I still have to write things down, where I wrote things down, and I still have to retrace my steps. But life is not as frustrating as it was being unmedicated

[@ProfRosemarysLab]

It feels so surreal to hear you describe your struggles and realise that I'm not the only one feeling what I feel I work in F&B and I often need to remember a lot of things on the fly, I don't time to process and remember what I need to remember. This has been my biggest challenge at work and my boss's solution to this is to tell me off and scare me into doing better, which can be very demoralising

[@angelaw886]

It is weird because I can remember some things very well, but not others. I can remember something that someone told me years ago, but I forget people's names. Luckily, I was able to get through my degrees. My problem is losing keys, forgetting where I parked, remembering names, etc.

[@NaeMuckle]

You remember the emotional things. I can remember the first time i ever saw my girlfriends smile like it was yesterday. But i can't remember her birthday ever.

[@angryface01]

I once asked security how to report my car stolen. The security guard said, “You’re car was not stolen. No car thief is gonna pay for a lost parking ticket to steal a car.” He was right. I just forgot that I hadn’t parked on my normal floor because there were spots open on the lower level.

[@mattw.6726]

Since discovering that my working memory issues are due to ADHD, I've often used this analogy: "My brain is like a computer with a powerful CPU but limited RAM." Obviously, this will only mean something if the person you're talking to has a basic knowledge of computer hardware, but I think it's pretty apt. Now back to watching the video! (I paused partway through to post this before I forgot. 😆)

[@wiegraf9009]

Limited RAM and a really fragmented hard drive with unpredictable seek times!

[@wordforger]

Heh. I say "two terabyte hard drive with 256 kb RAM." The knowledge is there, but it can be pretty hard to access sometimes. Also, if I add one thing to my morning "to-do" list, something inevitably drops off. This has led to some embarrassment as I leave my phone or glasses at home.

[@nickpoenisch4563]

I say "my brain is an extensive library with no search function"

[@DevonDowner]

This has been so relevant to me lately and I’ve been feeling so terrible about my memory. Thank you for posting this just when I needed to feel seen. 🥺

[@TheJonathanNewton]

Thank you for that ”notepad during conversations” idea! I’m a journalist and come across this situation all the time, but I’ve never thought of using a notepad like that, strangely enough. Great idea!

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@itzikca]

You know what’s bothering me most lately? Conversations, most of the time because of the speedy brain, i latch onto a detail that seems interesting or important to me on the conversation, and my partner sees it differently or don’t understand my way of running down the idea that we end up arguing and it ends up with me not being “understanding”. Sometimes it ends up in really bad fights when in truth i was really trying to listen and make conversation.

[@tomorrow4eva]

Sometimes this happens to me because I've instantly thought things through past the point of their thinking and I've left them in the dust. Other times it's just that I'm focusing on some part they don't seem to think is important but I cannot understand why they cannot see it is critical.

[@itzikca]

@@tomorrow4eva yeah it’s the same as I meant to say

[@W1ldTangent]

@@tomorrow4eva this, this has caused me no end of marital strife. And friction at work. I get very frustrated when I've already reached the conclusion I know any logical person would come to, but much faster, and I try to shortcut everyone else by telling them so, but they don't see this as helpful, and it just ends in fighting and taking even longer, and now they're adversarial towards that conclusion even if it's correct. And it doesn't matter how many times you were right in the end, they'll still never take you at your word until they think of it themselves. And if you're ever wrong ONCE, that's it, it'll be pointed at as proof of your unreliability forever more.

[@tomorrow4eva]

@@W1ldTangent Yes. Instead we have to sit there, bored, waiting for them. It's like being Cassandra of Troy.

[@jeremyrhoades2535]

I had a fight just last night with my wife. I overanalyzed a song she said she resonates with. I “ran her over” and “high jacked” the conversation to make it about me. I didn’t mean to and the moment I realized I came to a dead stop apologized and asked her to continue. She was already mad and refused to. We didn’t speak the rest of the night.

[@melissacollins2976]

I love this. So relatable. I especially hate when I forget wheat I'm talking about mid sentence or can't think of the word I want to use even though I know it. It definitely affects self esteem and self perception.

[@cottencandykitten]

The "forgot what I'm doing as im doing it" is just next level. I told a fellow traider it happens to me cuz they were crocheting and forgot the number they had said. And they're like "ahh the joys of being neuro-divergent " Cuz i has lost a rubber duck... and obviously i forgot i would forget who had him. And i forgot to take a note book. Or give them my contacts, or take ther contacts.. and i had forgotten earlier my partner needed my phone to take card payments so i had left my phone with him.. Omg. And . I forgot to pack my banner when i left! So much forgetting!!!!

[@Crazy5711]

Forgetting the word I want to use really hits for me. And I can't remember anyone else ever stopping in the middle of a sentence and searching for the word. It is one of the reasons I've procrastinated on learning a second language. If I can't remember the English word for it, how will I be able to remember the word in a new language?

[@clarawasserflasche7012]

​@@Crazy5711well, you fill that gap with the other language (s). Real fun!

[@davlynking]

I am 50 years old, and it never occurred to me to get checked for ADHD. I’m getting so much help from your videos, and the thought of having to make an appointment with a doctor to get checked out overwhelms me! But seeing your videos comforts me and for now that feels like enough help. maybe someday I can get an appt to know for sure.

[@bmusicjr101]

Thank you Jessica, for making me feel a little bit better about myself. I'm always praying for ways to stop the guilt, shame and anxiety that only ADHD can deliver.

[@Natalie-ng5wt]

This has gotten worse for me over time. I was a little scatty as a kid and appeared "ditzy" more than anything (and also we didn't know then I had ADHD), and now in adulthood, I'm so much more forgetful. I have more compassion towards my father now who has always been forgetful like this too.

[@Yirggzmb]

It's possible also that you're now expected to remember more things than when you're a kid. Kids have parents who are helping manage that stuff, but adults just kinda are on their own

[@juandiegomartinez2927]

I lost a necklace that my mom had given to me before I went to live abroad. It belonged to my maternal grandma, and it was the only thing I had of her. And one day, I slept over at a friend's and I took it off when I went to sleep. The next day, I left their house and forgot the necklace. My friend ended up moving out of the place about a week after because some issues he had with his roommates and I was never able to get back my necklace. It's still a bit sad and frustrating to think about it.

[@hollyheise8792]

I feel better about myself, when I listen to you. You give great suggestions, and I learn to forgive myself for forgetting details. Thank you.

[@marioz2332]

This was surprisingly really emotional I ended up tearing mid video, I used to have a really good memory when I was younger but the last few years before my 20s is when everything came crashing down & only a few years ago when I hit my mid 20s I was finally diagnosed with ADHD your videos helped a lot

[@willtharp7477]

Thank you SO MUCH for mentioning the name thing. This was the number one symptom that really hurt my life -- that I was aware of. When I finally got treatment for ADHD, I didn't know that was a symptom of ADHD. But I did notice I could remember names!!! It was one of the greatest moments in my life! On the flip side, as with every other symptom I had (before I was diagnosed), I developed a workaround: I would tell people, when I first met them, that I have a horrible time remembering names. Anyone with whom I associate knows I have/had the problem, so I would just talk to them, remind them I couldn't remember, and kept going. Having a partner is also a good workaround. I also cover for my partner like this, too: Basically, you walk up to the person you really don't know, accuse your partner of being rude, and ask them their name. This means my partner was only being rude to me (something everyone laughs at), and we can then use the person's name. My partner will do that for me, too. As an FYI, if I write things down I immediately forget them; it's because I know longer worry about remembering the detail, I wrote it down. Then I lose whatever I was using to write it down... For what it is worth, I do have a theory on the mechanism that makes us forget stuff works: We only have so much working memory. Our brains try to determine priority for what is/is not important. When we start running out of room (like being overwhelmed), our minds start flushing information that is considered unimportant.

[@charlespentrose7834]

Yeah, I agree with you on the mind flushing information it considers unimportant, sometimes I wish my mind was better at figuring out what is or is not important.

[@GreenBlueWalkthrough]

I just learned to never use names unless I really knew them.

[@jeanjagodzinski5115]

And words! I feel so dumb when words are right on the tip of my tongue but I just can't bring them to mind.

[@massivegat5087]

I started to really notice how bad I am with names in high school. Class sizes got bigger and I couldn't keep up. I used to feel so embarrassed when a random classmate might ask me for a favor and use my name. I'd be like: "How do they know my name when we've barely interacted and I can't remember theirs?" I've started doing the same thing. Warning people in advance that I am TERRIBLE with names lol. It literally takes me meeting a person and doing introductions maybe 4 times over until I've got their name down. Even then I still space things. Once I had to call medical transport for my mom after she had surgery and I forgot her birthday 😭😭

[@SlothDaan]

This is why I talk to people with their name, for example "Hi Jessica, how are you" so I remind myself, but also others of people's names 😊

[@richard8506]

Sometimes, I get so stressed - that I forget what I was worrying about, and worry about forgetting what I was worrying about

[@mariastevens6406]

It's actually helpful to those of us who have someone with ADHD in our lives but don't quite understand it, to see this sort of forgetfulness in action. I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates that you allow yourself to be so vulnerable about this issue. It certainly explained a lot for me. Thank you.

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@dracochapman8295]

Everything you said is so relatable. Thanks for using your platform to help people understand each other better.

[@walidsarwary]

Do you forget names of x colleagues please let me know

[@vojislavradan3564]

This is the thing I struggle the most and the worst thing is that I am not even aware of it. Before I learnt about ADHD I thought I had dementia and then I saw one of your shorts and read the symptoms of ADHD - made me feel so happy nothing was wrong with me! Looking forward to an official diagnosis, thank you! 🧡

[@yerocb]

This one hit home. The feeling of not being able to remember someone's name after knowing them for years is just gut churning and has caused me so much personal and professional pain. I now mention it right away to people so they won't be offended when I do. The flip side is seeing a name (like on Facebook) and nott remembering if they were a friend from high school, a former coworker or one of my wife's friends. Also incredibly embarrassing when I get it wrong. The birthday one is kind of funny because the tool that saved my life was a PalmV. Suddenly, I could check my calendar to see if I was available, or put in an appointment that I would have otherwise forgotten. I got in the habit of putting people's birthdays in the calendar the very first time it's mentioned. I became the super birthday rememberer because the calendar app would remind me! It also means I have birthdays for people I barely knew, or haven't spoken to in decades. I can't tell you where they live or how to contact them, but I know their birthday!

[@jeri.studio]

I just watched your TED talk & was moved to tears. I was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, & could relate to so much of your story. I'm still learning to thrive after 30. I also happen to be married to a woman with ADHD. And I'm grateful that you help remind people there's hope. I'm also forgetful. I personally am using Microsoft To Do (formerly another name that I forget :-P [Update: It used to be called Wunderlist]) as a reminder & project management tool for practically everything. The key for me is the subtasks within each task.

[@bobbyreyes6609]

Just wanted to say thank u for taking the time to create these videos. I've struggled with ADHD for years and was gaslit by friends, family and told that it was my fault that I forgot things or was yelled at when I just forgot what someone told me. When I was a kid I'm school, I was called up to solved a problem in class and was screamed at by the teacher and my classmates for forgetting what they just told me. So when u forget things now, I still have that trauma with me and I'm 40. Crazy what we hold on to

[@ruthcoetzer4184]

Thank you so much for this insightful video! Constantly being told "if it mattered to you, you'd remember it" is so frustrating and disheartening because I wish I could convey just how much I also wish I would remember. It's seriously just NOT. THAT. SIMPLE. Love your videos! ❤

[@martenj94]

I might start the process of checking for ADHD soon. I'm very careful not to diagnose myself, but so many things from channels like these hit home and this is one of the things that I see in myself the most. I try so hard, but trying hard doesn't really help, and it's takes so much enegry and I feel so bad when I forget something that impacts someone (forgot my moms birthday just a few days ago, she was cool about it as she knows me by now and I bought her a gift in advance). I just wan to figure up what's up so I can find ways to make it easier. thank you for the awesome content.

[@surfernorm6360]

Till you diagnose it or whatever Keep a note book or maybe keep notes on your cell phone but a notebook is better then do a daily summary on your computer. Its not a cure but you will be able to find what you forgot.

[@BloodyHaemorrhoids83]

I dump as much info as possible into Obsidian so i can find it later. Same position as you, I don’t know if I’m ADHD but a lot of people tell me i might be.

[@surfernorm6360]

Don't worry about misdiagnosis If you think you have it just start keeping a note pad handy and write down things you really want to remember maybe get one of those appointment calendars that manages your time and you keep important dates with reminders of when they are coming up. that way you can fix the problem and not worry about diagnosis since that seems to bother you.

[@nicolebacon2747]

I'd like to get checked for ADHD or autism (I can relate a lot to both), but I'm afraid that my history of concussions will be used to explain away my symptoms (like my doctor already does with my lifelong struggle with insomnia)

[@becky2235]

​@@nicolebacon2747 yes I've had that problem

[@emorysmith197]

Jessica I am In tears because what you said is so prevalent in my life directly almost verbatim. I feel shame and embarrassment because I can't remember people's names who I should remember. I forget things that most other people. Are unacceptable by the regular standards. I am so grateful for everything that you do on this youtube channel. I found you years ago and you changed my life then with the bullet journal. So many of your videos have deeply impacted my life. I am so grateful for you! I mean that from the depth of my heart. Thank you for articulating the things I can't say very well. Thank you for helping those like us who have problems with working memory.

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .

[@adriannavanoyen]

I did not expect to be brought to tears when I clicked on this video, but at 31 years old I can't tell you the emotional burden that was lifted when you spoke of not remembering birthdays and how that isn't a character fault. I have had the same friends since I was in 3rd grade, and I STILL don't know most of their exact birthdays unless I look them up in my calendar, and sure I know what month they're in and even generally which portion of that month, but I still feel like a failure of a friend for not being able to remember their actual birthdays without a Google Calendar notification. 💔

[@ziggystardog]

I find memory issues compound or cause other problems, like losing things or interrupting people or finishing other’s sentences just to get the thoughts out before I forget them, or struggling at organizing because I can only keep so many ideas in my head. Sometimes coping mechanisms cause problems of their own. Being terrible about losing keys, I taught myself to reflexively grab keys that look remotely like mine and put them in my pocket, and multiple times I’ve accidentally “stolen” people’s keys. One time I was in a play and I pocketed the director’s wife’s keys and put them in a costume pocket and she couldn’t leave and was looking for them, and was mortified when I realized I had pocketed them and had to admit my mistake.

[@cottencandykitten]

I put a flash light and cat on my keys ... or my parents house keys have a massive yellow plush bird on them. I don't say "keys" i call them "woodstock" from peanuts. Like a friend instead of an item. Also my phone has a glow in the dark elephant toy on it. Aim for the elephant. Laptop bag has a spider, hand bag has a unicorn and moomin papa. Don't aim for or remember the generic item, go for the friend.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@@cottencandykitten This is a critical coping technique! Having something that distinguishes my keys keeps me from taking my wife's...and truth be told, even without ADHD, she uses the same trick. I can't imagine how anyone gets along without it. Back when I travelled, she was the one who taught me to put a ribbon on my luggage so I could spot it at claims. If I were still out there, I wouldn't be divulging that trick, lest others do it too and ruin my strategy! :)

[@EricCosner]

My work once had me assist during a union election, and I grabbed someone's wallet off the table and placed it in my pants pocket. He politely asked me if he could have his wallet back, and sure enough I had two wallets in my pocket lol

[@pacocase]

Thank you for this one! I wasn't diagnosed until 41 because I was smart and masked so effectively my whole life. I had poor self esteem because of my shortcomings and now that I know they are symptoms that I had no control over, it's a huge help! Thank you for what you do!

[@crystalwing1985]

Diagnosed at 43. Game changer

[@mt5995]

Your channel has made me more understanding of my adhd son. I still get frustrated, but never angry or hurt at the endless forgetfulness. I wish I could give him the gift of a good memory.

[@eltharynd]

I resonate so much with your personal experience... Especially the rejection sensitive dysphoria stuff.. You have really helped me understand my emotions better in a week than a therapist in years.. thank you ❤

[@rick881]

I am 53 and ADHD symptoms have always been a part of my life. Thank you so much for what you have shared. You showed me that ADHD was not just the funny cute symptoms "everyone" knows about. The Wall of Awful resonated hugely with me. I have been able to send people to your videos to explain what goes on in my head. Your videos showed me that many things I have struggled with were symptoms more so than character flaws. They lead me to pursuing a diagnosis. I got the diagnosis today. My own self image was that I would be ADHD inattentive. The diagnosis surprised me to be Hyper and inattentive. I have over my life come up with many coping methods, KZbin can give tips, I am looking for meds from the medical community. Again, thank you. I am glad the algorithm decided I needed to hyper focus on ADHD and sent me here.

[@rick881]

To be more on topic. There is a super power. I can rewatch movies and TV over and over and usually they're new. I do not try to remember them and they just go away. I was reading the comments and I was reminded of working in a shop as a mechanic. I was talking to a co worker and I called him by the wrong name and he was offended. He had run out of work shirts and borrowed someone elses and it had that person's name on it. I had been reading names not remembering them.

[@courtneycamera1]

I would love an episode on how to deal with tasks you have a negative relationship with. I had such an issue with working memory growing up and I still do. I had a teacher get so upset with me because I would do horribly on spelling tests even though I would go home and practice/study for HOURS to try to get the spellings to stick. My dad helped me come up with silly things to remember and sometimes that worked. I have everything written down in multiple places and still don’t remember. I might be sending this video to people when they get upset with me forgetting. 😅

[@cottencandykitten]

..... have you tried... disassociating... its not a good fix by any means. But as a very rare tool it can be helpful (but only if its not an important thing!!) Or have a go to phrase or tune to start a conversation. (That's probably just a verbal stim tho cuz of stress... ) Um... hype yourself up for it? Put your shoes on... have a list to read from? Say what you're doing out loud. ... Idk but maybe one of them might help...

[@Bella-bn2lq]

She has a two part one called "the wall of aweful" i think

[@courtneycamera1]

@@Bella-bn2lq I’ll check that out. Thank you!

[@olemoly]

Spelling tests. OMG I'm 69 years old and I still remember how frustrating spelling tests were.

[@xiiota584]

Thank you so much for this video!!!! I struggle with this DAILY. So much of this channel has let me know that I am not alone in the struggles I have with my brain.

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .

[@user001zyx]

Jessica & team, another really important topic - thankyou 🌻 The memory issues imo also make manipulation easy as mentioned reg, gaslighting & not only anxiety, but also developing a distrust of oneself & if i'm able to rely on myself, has been an issue for me. Reg, working memory, following instructions & as you mentioned, being able to grasp and follow verbal information has been a common issue for me as well, that has also resulted in people thinking i must be a bit ' slow & simple ' or are confused by the disparities in abilities. I hope you'll also include some adhd-coping strategies in your book - thankyou 🌻

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@zacharyhausner8339]

Not going to lie, started sobbing around 3:30. Man, this hits soo hard. I recognize how I am continuing the trauma to my own child. I am not perfect, and sometimes its hard not continuing trauma or unhealthy social scripts (also those social scripts are super important as everyone else values them) especially when you are not aware of those things. Anyways, its hard having ADHD, and its hard parenting ADHD. Thank you for bringing a greater awareness to my life.

[@mermaiddiyartist8119]

It is hard parenting with adhd. 😢. Bc of everything that has to be done etc. For my children I think of how I would like to be treated and try to use that for them. Focusing on your love for them helps a lot for me because it guides my actions. Also giving myself breaks

[@largefamilyruralliving7434]

Make sure to listen to her podcast she did about parenting with adhd, a few things in there were really helpful for me.

[@sarahpena9501]

I'm listening to it and I'm sobbing 😅 I wasn't expecting it but it got to me

[@spencercole1583]

Thank you so much for creating these videos. You’re changed my life. 50 years of not understanding why I’ve struggled through life and I finally know. Happening across your channel has been life changing. I was just officially diagnosed with ADHD and I’ve finally started to unpack what I can do to make my life better.

[@jac4YouTube]

Me too

[@vhhawk]

I was diagnosed at 55, and it has taken me years to unpack things. i'm still unpacking things! Be kind to yourself, and enjoy your journey. 😊

[@angelab4759]

Same! It explains my whole life swimming uphill. I'm 50 as well. I give myself much more grace and patience.

[@katherinegetchell6967]

How was the process of getting diagnosed? I think I need help but I’m intimidated to get diagnosed. Did you have to convince your doctor?

[@spencercole1583]

@@katherinegetchell6967 I happened to be seeing a therapist at the time and after encountering these videos I suggested to her that I likely had ADHD. It only took a few minutes. I was lucky in that she was very supportive. She was embarrassed that she hadn't identified it. But it's ok because I've had a lifetime of masking it. If you have healthcare with mental health support they should have a list of therapists in the area. I would ping several of them and make it clear you think you have ADHD. Hopefully you have someone specializing in treatment nearby. Involving your primary doctor is probably not a bad idea, but shouldn't be necessary unless you can only get therapy through their recommendation.

[@MegaVoltron]

every time i watching one of your videos makes me tear up because it makes me realize what ive been struggling with for the majority of my life. thank you for putting this information out there because it helps soo much.

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here, how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me .

[@halldk]

Alright, so you just relieved so much stress for me. I struggled a couple times forgetting names of people I see every day, and even my partner at one point, and oh my god the stress of that, even just forgetting for a few minutes, is overwhelming. I also struggle at work with this, even setting reminders, if it's a regular task, the reminder fades into the background and I just forget to do it anyways. I'm also a big people pleaser, so forgetting names and regular tasks that people are depending on me for, is a huge stressor. Thank you for sharing, and giving me someone to relate/connect with for one of the things I thought I was alone on. I love your videos, and I don't comment much, anywhere, so thank you for making so much of an impact for me, that I was compelled to share. You are one of my favorite channels, I love what you're doing, and thank you for everything!

[@nothingshappyending]

Another thing that connects to this for me is that people don't see the amount of anxiety and stress it causes to try not to forget things, to have every information and detail you need for appointments and to keep strategies in place, to help remember. So even if from the outside it looks like I do not forget that much, it's absolutely exhausting and causing so much pain.

[@mikegallo5922]

I was driving a couple years ago and heard an ad on the radio for some supplement that improves memory. I wrote the number on my fogged up window, went into the store, came back out and could not for the life of me remember what the number was for. I remembered an hour later and had a good laugh. 🤣😂

[@joshbutler2563]

"Can you give me a hook to hang this on?" That whole explanation of how memory chunking works just blew my mind. Often I'll have a concept of how something works--for me--but I don't always know if it's a unique cope or if other people experience it, too. It's nice to know I'm not alone!

[@Mz.Stephanie]

I feel your pain. I still get those NO WAY! moments watching your videos. I feel like you're talking about me. Thank you for sharing.

[@InkLady]

this is the one, Jessica. This is the one that popped up at the right time when I feel like im in the 'wrong place' because of adhd. Being diagnosed as the shortage began has made me flipping back and forth between medicated crisis solving and adhd mess pile-ups without anyone in my household being educated. This one might be what helps them, with the right words and the right sentiments. Thank you so much.

[@demiwolf4life13]

The moment I heard you say you hadn't discussed forgetfulness as an episode uet I immediately thought, yeah, forgetting about forgetting is my day to day. The hardest thing is remembering about forgetting is almost impossible because we forgot to begin with and sometimes my brain at least is like, "You already forgot and it's overwhelming to even begin trying to narrow down which forgotten thing we're trying to remember."

[@conwaytwitty8634]

This is so great!! I have the precisely same experience with memory. It’s such a relief to know this, I can’t tell you. Thank you so much!

[@andrewtester2664]

So relatable, amazing vid Jessica, thank you! ❤❤❤

[@andreavolpatti3437]

I have the worst memory it's so disheartening for me. It causes issues on a day to day basis and I feel like I needed to hear this today ❤

[@Yagendaas]

I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD as a 42 year old, and your experience is hugely valid, real, annoying and beatable. It's great to hear from someone so relatable.

[@exoticchimp]

I love watching your videos, it feels good to listen to someone who understands and can put it into words

[@walidsarwary7626]

Hello there is a memory test call the MOCA assessment, please go and watch it in youtube online and tell me back here how did it go ? i wanna know how people with adhd perform , please reply back it is very important for me

[@Carrionmh]

Wow thank you for the validation. I'm 43 just diagnosed with ADHD and I'm barely cracking the surface on the subject. You described my entire life of struggling with my working memory. Just wow to look back and see how this condition has shaped my life.