Why we love commitment

Commitment is hard work - but it's totally worth it. At least, that's been our experience in (almost!) 25 years of married life, and as members of the Bruderhof church community. We gave up pursuing perfection long ago. Rather, we love the security, strength, and assurance that commitment brings, and in this conversation we share a few reflections on why commitment deserves celebration. Thanks for joining us - and for adding your perspective on commitment in the comments.
About us: We're the parents of three sons and live at Danthonia Bruderhof, a Christian community in northern New South Wales, Australia, and enjoy discussing our faith, family, food (Norann's an awesome cook!), and the day-to-day adventures of life in "the bush".
More about the Bruderhof community where we live: www.bruderhof....
Follow Norann on Twitter at / norannv and Instagram at / norannvoll
Norann is a contributor to Seasons of Community Living, a group substack providing a window into the daily lives of women in Christian community. seasonsofcommu...
Norann & Chris are both contributing authors for the Bruderhof's publishing house, Plough, and its magazine, Plough Quarterly. www.plough.com...

[@lailja21]

Yes, yes, yes please...bring on that 25 year anniversary video... and we'll celebrate with truckloads of grace and humor ❤😊

[@DuoDownUnder]

You are such a great active listener! Thanks 'heaps' for your encouragement. About that video, we'll see... 😊

[@francesdaniel3159]

Yes! Wedding anniversary video will be appreciated!

[@DuoDownUnder]

Duly noted .

[@andrewchurney8864]

30 years of committed Christian marriage, with 11 children, and now 13 grandchildren, and nearly innumerable dear friends in many places, my wife and I understand community in micro, as I call it. More recently, we and some of our clan are being drawn into full community in Church expression. We are very excited to see how and where God leads us! We have contacted Bruderhof, and are earnestly studying, researching, praying, and conversing about this, to find what seems good to us and the Holy Spirit! Thanks for the videos, we enjoy them!

[@DuoDownUnder]

That's amazing, Andrew. We will pray for you and wish you great courage and strength for this journey of seeking! May the Spirit guide each of you into all truth (John 16:13). 🙏

[@andrewchurney8864]

@@DuoDownUnder many thanks for your grace filled response! It certainly is a journey, especially having grown up in suburban USA, the epicenter of individualistic pride and consumerism!! Growing into authentic Christianity necessitates an openness to reevaluate the culture you live in. America purports to be largely a "Christian nation", yet is only so in very surface fashion. Capitalism is more antithetical to the Gospel of the Kingdom than 99.9% of us seem to realize!! It's honestly a rather shocking revelation when the Lord grants it to you!

[@koaky6737]

Thanks guys! Congratulations on 25 years. My husband and i are coming up to 22yrs this year. Unfortunately I think that while mainstream church continues to encourage commitment in marriage, commitment to a church and a community is decreasing. One of the things I love about the Bruderhof.

[@DuoDownUnder]

Thank you so much, and blessings on you and your husband as you celebrate 22 years together! Reflecting on your comment re church/community commitment, I'm thinking that maybe it's fair to say that (in a Christian context) commitment necessitates divine inspiration and leading. Where that's not possible, or at least isn't experienced, we still have the ability to choose to be 'fully present' for those we are in fellowship with, leaving the door open for the possibility of commitment (which requires mutuality) to emerge. Maybe that's too heady, but perhaps it's a step in the right direction?

[@koaky6737]

@@DuoDownUnder absolutely. As a church member, I attempt, by God's grace, to be committed to my church and community.

[@geopence]

@@DuoDownUnder Well said, but I wonder, is there such a thing as "being fully present" that doesn't involve divine presence... divine inspiration?

[@gillianhatters6613]

And yes, we def want to see your wedding anniversary celebrations and how you got to 25 years ❤️❤️

[@DuoDownUnder]

Deal!

[@BeaWeston]

Gorgeous thoughts.

[@lilyjoy3]

wonderful and insightful reflections on the depth and character of "commitment" Thank you both! 50 years into our own marriage commitment, I resonate with ALL you shared! (love the agricultural connections as well!! :0). Please share your anniversary video.... and may I say that the next 25, by God's grace, will continue to go deeper and shine ever more brightly..... we serve an amazing God, whose faithful obedience to HIS Father inspires our own obedient commitment through "thick and thin".... (Loved your obedience article in Plough, Norann! -- more tremendous insights and sharing)

[@DuoDownUnder]

Thank you so much - and yes, with God's grace, we trust our love will continue to deepen, and we pray we can share the joy we have through Jesus with many more people in the years to come. Couples like you and your husband are a huge encouragement to us in this, for sure. Congrats on 50 years together! No doubt you've seen this, but in case you missed it here's the link to the video we did about our anniversary celebrations: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qnjShX6ai9SXfbMsi=NCl-yXBQ-Ruz5bh1

[@vickimarkjones]

Norann- you always have such a look of love in your eyes when you look at Chris. God grant you many years.

[@DuoDownUnder]

Thank you so much!

[@isaacstolpe3030]

That was a beautiful reflection on commitment. I’m not sure how regenerative agriculture compares to biodynamic agriculture (the community in which I work practices that latter), but I find similar meaning in the idea of making relationships richer through commitment rather than depleting what is there (what commercial agriculture often does). I’ve really appreciated examples of commitment through my parents and grandparents’ examples, and know that not many people are able to have such examples in their lives. Having these examples really helps me to see why commitment is so important.

[@jessicacurtis4199]

Devotion and Commitment ! People attached to Nature like William Wordsworth are always commited and Devoted persons

[@DuoDownUnder]

Thank you, Isaac - and well said. May we all find simple, down-to-earth ways to encourage each other and renew (ok, regenerate) faith in one another and in God's love and order for humanity, by showing up and being constant in the small things of daily life. Wishing you a restorative and cheer-filled weekend, dear friend!

[@funbukit5366]

Thanks for sharing this. Coming up on one year of marriage with my lovely wife. It’s taught us both a lot about commitment. Truly I am so blessed. Blessings to you both.

[@DuoDownUnder]

Congratulations to you and your wife! May you be blessed with many years together, and as your love for each other grows ever stronger and deeper, may it energize you to care for others around you and build family and community!

[@geopence]

Recently I was walking down a hall in a medical building and passed a series of windows that looked into a waiting room. Virtually every one in that waiting room was older, and they were there with their spouse. My first impression was that most of these people were looking at their phones, and I mused that all of them had once been so hopeful that the other would find interest in them. But now, there they were, seemingly oblivious of each other - totally involved in what they held in their hands. "Ouch," I thought, "this is what all that hope and anticipation of young love has come to. But since then I've also come to realize that none of them were there alone. Each of them were with someone they had known for a very long time. They were with someone whom they could no longer surprise, and who had seen them at their very worst (probably numerous times.) Yet still, in that moment, they were still convinced that their best place in all the world was with that other person, sitting there in a doctor's waiting room... being ignored. "Yes," I thought, "perhaps that is genuine love."

[@DuoDownUnder]

When I (Chris) was a kid, my dad had a line drawing hanging by his side of my parents' bed for a time. Reading your beautiful comment reminded me of this picture, for the first time in a long while. It showed an elderly couple sitting side by side on a park bench. They made me think of Simon and Garfunkel's "Old Friends": lost in their overcoats, waiting for the sun. Just two old people sitting hunched, side by side, looking straight ahead, not touching each other. Over each of their heads, the artist had drawn a thought bubble: over hers, "I love you, George" and over his, "I love you, Alma" (or whatever their names were). I remember asking my dad why he liked the picture. He said it had a lot to say about love, and that one day I'd understand. I feel like maybe I'm beginning to. (But yeah, two people looking at their phones ain't the same as two people sharing silence, or conversation...)

[@laineyga]

Thanks for this, so helpful as I consider a new commitment that seems a call to community, faithfulness, and vulnerability, as well as an opportunity to join my spouse as together we plant our hearts in a community of faith. I am a bit resistant and am seeking God’s leading, so prayers are welcome.

[@DuoDownUnder]

May you and your spouse truly be led together by God, in all things. We (and we're sure others reading this) will pray for this for you. Thank you for letting us know. C&N

[@billcanonico6657]

...one of the things i thought of, as you discussed "self-sacrifice" in a relationship, is that we take the risk to give each other the gift of our vulnerability. this is true love in action. we know we may (probably will) hurt and be hurt sometimes, and we're willing to allow that, because we believe our love and God's love in us is strong enough to persevere, heal us, and bless us.

[@DuoDownUnder]

100%! "The gift of vulnerability is true love in action." As you say, we risk being hurt and hurting others when we allow ourselves to be truly vulnerable - but we also open the door to a level of trust and understanding that is hard to imagine unless experienced. And so, the risk-reward equation tips strongly toward reward, with God's good help, of course. Thank you for your wisdom, Bill!

[@gillianhatters6613]

Many many many congratulations! You two always have so many wise words for us. The love you have for each other really shines through. I heard the phrase “use your bible as your Satnav in life” recently and it really resonated. I’m already looking forward to your next video. 💖

[@DuoDownUnder]

Thank you, dear friend, for your faithful encouragement. In simpler times, as the psalm tells us, people took the bible as a lamp to guide their steps; the modern metaphor suggests we can see twists and turns further up the road. But so often in life, that's not the case: light for just the next step is what we get, and it's enough. We've experienced that numerous times in our marriage, and it's what keeps us going.

[@timgordon6789]

25 years! That’s an effort! My parents have been married 43 years this year!

[@DuoDownUnder]

Time flies when you're having fun, Tim. Your parents are amazing. Looking forward to meeting them some day. Stay well, brother.

[@bettyrudd109]

loved this guys, thank you for sharing ❤

[@DuoDownUnder]

Thank you! Have a wonderful weekend.

[@andrewdewitt7234]

I've held off commenting for a few days, in case I say the wrong thing. It's a tough watch for me, as is reading some of the comments. But what, as a Christian do you do if after 32 years your wife announces the end of the marriage? After coming through the 'tunnel of raising three kids' she tells you that we have nothing in common. That was two and a half years ago. I now live on my own and am finding Christ's command to honour my original marriage vows a very lonely walk. Sorry to bring a negative slant to a lovely positive video, and I wish you all the love in the world in your beautiful, caring relationship. Thank you for your beacon of light in a troubled world. A x

[@DuoDownUnder]

Thank you, dear Andrew, for your courage in sharing your pain with us and others. Thank you, too, for your grace, extending encouragement despite what you are suffering. There are, of course, no words we can offer - you already have Jesus' words, and no doubt are upheld by them when things are toughest. But we can certainly pray with you, and ask God to uphold you and also to place people in your life who can help (however partially or imperfectly) to shoulder this burden. Thank you, as always, for your honesty. Your faithfulness is a challenge to us, dear brother.

[@andrewdewitt7234]

@@DuoDownUnder 🤎

[@jamesdoherty7499]

Are these Bruderhof brethren?

[@jessicacurtis4199]

Are Bruderhof s latest version of Aamish Community ?

[@DuoDownUnder]

Hi James. Yes, we are Bruderhof members. Check out www.bruderhof.com if you have wonderments about what that means. Blessings.

[@jessicacurtis4199]

Are you guys Christian ? Or Baptists ? Do you have any jewish lineage or link in your ancestory ?

[@DuoDownUnder]

We are Christians, and part of a community of families and single people called the Bruderhof. You can check it out at bruderhof.com.