Wife Has Spending Addiction

💵 Create Your Free Budget! Sign up for EveryDollar ⮕ ter.li/6h2c45
📱Download the Ramsey Network App ⮕ ter.li/ajeshj
🛒 Visit The Ramsey Store ⮕ ter.li/7vyom2
📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 weekdays from 2-5 pm ET or send us a message ter.li/n88ly5
Explore More Shows from Ramsey Network:
🎙️ The Ramsey Show ⮕ ter.li/ng9950
🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour ⮕ ter.li/9gcp3d
🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show ⮕ ter.li/2u3mc0
💰 George Kamel ⮕ ter.li/1elws8
💡 The Rachel Cruze Show ⮕ ter.li/n2u6jc
💼 The Ken Coleman Show - Highlights ⮕ ter.li/1rbjr2
📈 EntreLeadership ⮕ ter.li/ktxv2k
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolu...

[@shawnakay9013]

Did Tom say thank you Tom at the beginning? Lol!

[@warwagon]

Shawna Kay Yes, I think he did Adam!

[@jmartelw]

bahahaha!

[@jaredbarney5573]

Thank you for your attention to detail. People like you make comments more enjoyable

[@Gustavo-pp1lx]

bruhh

[@fpl_bailey]

haha thank you!!!

[@sohailfaeiz8837]

Did anyone notice how in the start caller (Tom) replies to Dave by saying ," thank you Tom " instead of Dave??

[@joshp2542]

Its when the caller uses a fake name to be annonomys. It happens on alot of radio shows where people call in.

[@toothybj]

@@joshp2542 no, no, he’s pointing out that the caller (Tom) called Dave Ramsey “Tom” instead of “Dave”. Yes, i noticed it too. Dave didn’t really say anything or maybe didn’t notice.

[@triple_gem_shining]

LOL

[@kellyyork3898]

It’s often linked to depression and obsessive compulsive behavior and anxiety. Dave cannot help you with this. You need a well trained, highly experienced counselor who will work with you both... it will take time, money, courage and teamwork...and if you see no progress in a year or two you need to consider divorce...or she will destroy you and your family ( finances and other things) as well.

[@truneilson]

I was spending compulsively while on a medication... maybe check her meds for side effects.

[@ambersykora352]

Adderall, any type of pain medication. I know been there. Personally, it's the one thing all hoarders are connected by....prescription medications, and some type of trauma that set it off and into motion.

[@shawnakay9013]

This is really good advice. I'm dealing with similar issues with my partner, not spending, but mental health issues and possible addiction. Anytime I bring it up, he freaks out. We separated recently but we've talked about getting back together and this is great advice. I will make sure if we do reconcile, a few sessions with a couples counselor is a nonnegotiable!

[@roxannegordon6162]

Shawna Kay, I'm reading this in April 2019. I hope your life has worked out well since you posted this. I would like to read about follow-ups. Dave should have a few videos of people who have gone through his training that saved a bad situation from getting worse.

[@mgb5170]

I've done couple's counseling and discovered it is because the other person wasn't facing his own issues, and it trickled into the relationship. If the other person is unable to cope with self awareness / improvement, the relationship will never grow to its potentional. good luck to you

[@naomiprice6672]

I suffer from spending & hoarding addiction due to PTSD. These things will help 1. Finding friends & hobbies ( like community gardening) to replace the time spent shopping 2. Exercise & getting enough sleep , & vitamins 3. Apps on my cell phone for breathing, mindfulness , math games - have to replace the mental time spent shopping & seeing a counselor to identify the triggers.

[@AtlantiXYL]

Well spend until homeless... see what that feels like.

[@ralphnolan3187]

It’s easy too spend money you don’t work for

[@brookswoodward5423]

I think spending addiction is more prevalent than we think.

[@krissyp8244]

I think so. I know a few people with one.

[@jomontanee]

So vital. My mom is one and it destroyed my family.

[@bitTorrenter]

@@jomontanee So sorry to hear that.

[@harveyallen7080]

@@jomontanee nice

[@ambersykora352]

What do you mean. All of America and all media is CONSUME, CONSUME, CONSUME!

[@poodlegirl55]

Good advice Dave.

[@john1425]

If he stopped telling them to see pastors and Christian counselors he wouldn't have to also tell them to make sure they are trained and licensed.

[@workingshlub8861]

im a believer in totally seperate finances...only thing shared in basic utilities and food...i have no car loans or credit cards but she does.

[@zoeredadams]

Why would you marry someone if you didn't trust them financially? Spending addiction is a mental health issue and is not normal or common.

[@drunclecookie216]

it's normal and common where I live

[@djcesar7934]

Why get married if you don't trust the person u r getting married with?????..

[@jomontanee]

Separating money is a sign of distrust. Not only distrust your chosen spouse but distrust in yourself how you choose your partner.

[@keithsurdyke2535]

Doubtful to me that separating your finances will protect you in case of divorce or even in a long term relationship. Debts and assets are split during a divorce and if you stay in a long-term relationship then her inability to contribute to household expenses is problematic if she has to pay for her frivolous, unnecessary garbage.

[@Archer335]

Another reason to never marry. It can become a real nightmare. And it’s not always the woman who does it. There are profligate males out there, too.

[@drummergeorge9642]

The caller who wanted to read a book to help his wife, was a good laugh. This guy things he can play psychologist. Ah, I'm about to get my degree and I can already smell the money coming.

[@orteot448]

Give her fun money and once is gone is gone, that would help.

[@jpollar]

Yet another good reason not to get married...

[@kaiman5307]

Ditch her

[@stewdog22]

Goober

[@Eagles.Fan.Since.Super.Bowl.52]

Alexander Stewart Nice one Tom! 👍🏼

[@mightymouse1361]

MGTOW

[@ProfessorFickle]

Mighty Mouse Tom Leykis is better!

[@kw-vy5jd]

Most women are spenders that's why I chose to be single.... a man success has to do with the type of women he got in his life...

[@kujas]

that's right emily, savers of there own money!

[@PATAMA12345]

I glad I'm frugal!!!

[@lriver5766]

Not all women are the same. I’m the saver and the frugal of the family.

[@socalindi8241]

That's not true. I'm the coupon lady and frugal person. My partner is the crazy spending fiend. If he has $1 left over he will spend it!

[@jomontanee]

Stop being small-minded. Dave's wife is a saver. I am a saver. My dad and my mom both are spenders.

Never marry a spendthrift. Years ago I had s girlfriend in her 20s who bought herself a new Corvette. She wanted me to use my life savings to buy us a house while she used hers on the Corvette. I told her that was unfair and not good Christian stewardship. She really wanted to marry me and was very pushy about it, even though I had never proposed. I cancelled her wedding plans and got on with my life. I was heartbroken but better off I felt like I had dodged a bullet. That Corvette had saved me from marrying a spendthrift woman Now I use the story of that Corvette in the Financial Peace classes that I teach at my church.

The Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. A spendthrift wife married to a good Christian steward can mean disaster

[@gardenofe12]

Good for you !! If you married her you would be calling Dave and you’d be in over $100k in consumer debt with nothing to show for it !! Maybe a corvette !! 😂

[@barbieblue3336]

Bro - boring

[@jessicaolson490]

It can be side effects of other mental health issues as well including ADHD, anxiety, depression, ect.

[@ambersykora352]

No. I think it's the meds you're prescribed. Look into the history of psychiatry medications....it'll blow your mind. Psychiatry was created by psychiatrists whom at the time were not considered actual doctors by other physicians in the medical world, so they got together, and basically made up various diagnoses just so that the drug companies could market drugs and create drugs that the later recognized psychiatry "doctors" could prescribe

[@JibbsCompilations]

This is the second time I have heard callers call Dave by their own first name lol

[@herrerajoey2]

Jibb's Compilations I think it's because they aren't using their real names for privacy and just trip up.

[@MsPants1632]

Me too!! How crazy! And Dave doesn’t miss a beat! Must happen a lot! Lol

[@laurenandreas5950]

John Lester ...HaHa. That was a good one! I was reading and totally serious thinking about the subject and then I read yours!!! HaHaHa

[@s0lid_sno0ks]

Gabor Mate is an excellent resource on addiction. He himself struggles with a spending habit. He's got a lot of videos on KZbin. Check him out if you or someone you know is dealing with addiction.

[@janice3691]

Yes he is amazing!

[@jomontanee]

I love him. What he said about "pain" is the root of addiction is so true.

[@barbieblue3336]

Eva Gabor?

[@tagaway6173]

She needs to distract herself with other things. Exercise.

[@barbieblue3336]

A boyfriend

[@adriana.ostfriesland]

The wife should work overtime, 5 jobs. Then she won’t have time to spend.

[@OntariozBest]

I resolved this by us agreeing to a monthly “allowance” for my wife that is transferred to her personal account and then she buys her “fun” stuff using a Visa debit that is linked to that account. Tap closes once the account runs dry. Oh, and I take care of all the finances which makes this strategy more manageable.

[@brightpage1020]

Thank you Dave and Tom for calling in. I am not this guy’s actual wife but metaphorically speaking, I am this guy’s wife, and have been doing the same to my husband. I justify it because my spending is for our kids or their school or charity... that’s why I can’t resist. I can’t. I know I should and I know it’s bad... and I don’t want o do that to him and I hide those things out of shame and guilt. The more desperately we need money, the quicker I spend too - like I just freak out - and it’s small amounts or seemingly small amounts. It’s not like I’m buying luxe items or have expensive tastes... but my husband describes it as “nickel and dining it away”. I’ve been wondering if I should get counseling butbhabe been too embarrassed Andy husband would be mortified if I shared this at our church. Thanks for answering my question. I think there are discreet ways to get the help I may need through church and will check out debtors anon, too. This helped me realize I need to make that call today. Period. Thank you. I’ve been wanting o brush it under the rug and my family has tried to help me gently but I need deeper work here. Thanks for the suggestion. This will hopefully help take some burdens off them too. I love my husband and want him to trust in me and have faith in us.

[@TheToadChild]

brightpage1020 Well good for you, you’re very brave!

[@brightpage1020]

Thanks. I made a few calls and am starting the process of trying to get this under control.

[@okrajoe]

I wonder how this turned out for them?

[@muckymucks]

+okrajoe People don't change unless they want to. The husband could scream in her face for decades and it wouldn't matter; the change has to come from her, and I doubt she'll suddenly find frugality appealing after buying expensive trash all her life.

[@laurenandreas5950]

muckymucks ...I agree, and when she talks to her friends it’s “He’s so controlling and I can’t spend anything without him getting upset”!!! I hear “My husbands so cheap” all the time from these spend thrifts!!! The poor man is trying to keep the roof over their heads and food on the table, I get so angry at these selfish women!

[@PATAMA12345]

She has to go to the Gym!!

[@barbieblue3336]

Boyfriend

[@hellofriend5716]

These calls are interesting but I always wonder about the other side of the story. Maybe she didn't agree to the budget. Maybe she feels he's being to tight - if she is lying she doesn't trust him for some reason. Maybe he is too controllling - did they leave room for fun money? Just because he is the one caling doesn't mean he is right and she is wrong. It sounds more like the kid who runs and tells before his sibling does so he'll be in the best light. Two sides to every story.

[@roxannegordon6162]

That's why Dave told him to seek a counselor because he isn't one.

[@TheRichandmighty]

As someone with a spending addiction I can list a number of reasons one would keep secrets that aren't based on real exterior factors but instead personal guilt or shame

[@Luke-id1cp]

What is childish is doing something you know is wrong and then lying about it

[@sjcajw7]

Sounds like the OP has a spending addiction and is sticking up for Tom's wife to make herself feel better.

[@keithsurdyke2535]

Wife has a spending addiction and it's all his fault? Got it.

[@aeromedical6750]

My wife has a spending addiction. She spends a lot time trying to figure out my warped personality. Needless to say, it’s not time well spent.

[@juliejacobsen2765]

You are awesome to your callers

[@MoeMerkin]

Oysters, clams, and cockels!

[@Tannerpopko]

Tom. I am Tom. We are all "Tom".

[@billk2742]

Im an atheist and id rather have a christian marriage counselor.

[@happygirl7258]

God loves you

[@infidelheretic923]

Why though? What does a supernatural placebo contribute to the issue?

[@thinkercat2836]

How to deal with husband that won't budget or discuss finances? In past also lost money on investing without informing me of plans or outcome until had to.

[@SarahLarsonwgm]

Another possibility (not entirely separate from addiction or just needing to grow up, but still separate enough I think it needs to be mentioned) is that maybe she is sad/depressed about something. Could be something in their marriage or something that for whatever reason she doesn't feel she can share. I think counselling will help with that, but I think it's possible that there is more to it than 1) she's a full blown addict or 2) She's just immature.

[@hannahalexie5158]

"Thank you, Tom" LOL

[@nryanmusic]

He was introducing himself genuis.

[@hannahalexie5158]

@@nryanmusic Clearly you didn't watch, genius.

[@Natalie-hi6nw]

@@hannahalexie5158 yes I did. You mis interpreted what he said. lol.

[@daddydaughterrepairs9091]

I started seeing a pattern when my wife and I first moved in together! She’s done all of this putting me in almost 20 grand in debt! She also got fired from her job over something to do with money

[@MarksTournaments]

Still together?

[@ciobalina7445]

I would just divorce her. he's going to be your downfall. Most times people like this don't want to change and look for enablers, people who will clean up after them.

[@loladelfin8201]

Dave, how did this issue turn out? Has the wife become responsible with their money? Thanks.

[@Foxie635]

Sounds like my soon to be ex husband.

[@laurenandreas5950]

I would tell her “Stop or I want a divorce”, and I’d file for real the next time she hid an expenditure! She isn’t sick, she is selfish and a sneak! I couldn’t live with a sneak and she has probably been one since she was little, they don’t change!

[@belatoth1446]

Bingo! We have a winner! (Although Dave will never say that. He always on the woman's side!)

[@myfloormats]

The caller is right. There is money spending addoction.Those typ of persons are sphycologicaly are not healthy.I think this guy need strong help.

[@MLCurry]

This sounds alot like what I'm dealing with and it is killing our marriage alittle more every day.....

[@brianthomas3451]

Tom didn’t know he was the Tom in this conversation

[@triple_gem_shining]

HEY TOM WELCOME TO TOM RMASEY SHOW HOW TOM HELP YOU

[@GamerNRetro]

Marriage counseling is NEVER what you guys want to do. It's a chance for her to tell some stranger what is wrong with you (the man) and how you need to tolerate her BS.

[@anie416]

GamerNRetro First, if you understood femininity, you would realize that a woman needs to be able to express in words what she feeling. Unfortunately, a man will feel blamed, because he feels like it is up to him to make her happy. Rather than take it personally, listen, attempt to umderstand her pain, and she will feel better.

[@rickmeeder4060]

Always the Woman

[@IndBro2]

Rick Meeder always the men

[@infidelheretic923]

Not always. Just a lot harder to fix when it is.

[@eileeneclark9011]

5/16/19....You MUST talk finances with the person you are seriously dating. I would want a complete breakdown of HIS bills/debts & would give him info about MY finances.....BEFORE we become engaged. BUT I would NEVER get "involved" or serious with anybody who REFUSED to get honest & discuss finances.....AND I WOULD NEVER get married/combine finances/combine assets with somebody with HUGE DEBTS. HE MUST PAY DEBTS OFF---OR HAVE AN ACTIVE PROCESS/PMT PROGRAM TO PAY THEM OFF---PUT IT IN WRITING & CHECK OUT THE "PROGRESS" IN 6 MONS if we do get involves & stay together..... BUT I REFUSE TO PAY/HELP PAY OFF SOMEBODY ELSE'S DEBTS!

[@OrthodoxBeards]

It sounds like she really does have an addiction.