wife swap, supernanny & how we discriminate against kids

[@Jami_rainstorm]

When it’s done to an adult, it’s physical assault When it’s done to a child, it’s discipline

[@lynnboartsdye1943]

There’s a saying I repeat when anyone tries to justify hitting a kid “If you wouldn’t hit an adult you’re upset with why would you hit a child?” It boggles my mind there are still people who think it’s ever acceptable

[@ShiftylittleDemon]

@@Jami_rainstorm the child being an adult won't stop a parent who feels entitled to their child's body either My mom has told me she doesn't care if I call the cops on her for putting hands on me because she can pay bail If I had told her an abusive partner said that to me she would want me away from that person, but apparently being someone's mom is a special exception to physically assaulting someone

[@solarichan]

@@ShiftylittleDemonmy parents actually told me and my sister that our bodies belong to _them,_ not _us_

[@pariskiii]

@@solarichan nah wtf get CPS in this bih

[@LuckyPigeon1111]

That's why it's wrong

[@CoreenMontagna]

I’ve always found the powerlessness of children in our society existentially terrifying.

[@thought_bug]

I second this

[@ThisIsNotAHairOnYourScreen]

And vulnerable adults too

[@MsJubjubbird]

Children should have minimal power and responsibility, because the know no better. But I fully agree with not putting your kids on social media and keeping kids out of reality tv. These shows are nothing compared to say Dance Mom's, where they had to work for 60 hours a week. I do think someone like Jo does this partially with the intent of helping people. She doesn't need more money and she's not a game seeker.

[@ohnothepossum]

​@@MsJubjubbirdminimal responsibilities yes, but they should be treated with dignity and respect and as little equals that still have to learn a lot. But what they say shouldn't be disregarded.

[@ishathakor]

@@MsJubjubbird i mean yeah we can't give kids the right to vote or anything and no one is advocating for that but it is kind of horrifying to realize how little they have control over in their lives really. everyone SHOULD treat children with respect and as much as an equal as you can according to their development, but people don't do this. people use their size and strength and power over children to intimidate them and beat them and scare them into submission. keeping kids off social media and reality tv is even less than a bare minimum imo

[@sparkk2871]

Becoming an adult and realizing that the debilitating panic you feel everytime you think someone might be mad at you isn't actually normal is certainly an experience

[@gwendolynmorgan7803]

Yup 😅

[@laKogane]

that parttt 🥲😭

[@VesperTime]

This really resonates with me.

[@aliencreative9360]

Oh you’re so right. Feeding into the people pleasing behavior too. Unlearn 1 thing then you have to unlearn 20 others right after.

[@feidreth2504]

This 100%.

[@Gynoidmm]

I was hit a lot as a kid because my parents said I was always lazy. Non of the hitting ever made me less “lazy”. I took a blood test last year and turns out that I have anemia. The symptoms of anemia are fatigue, dizziness, and being lethargic in general. So I had an iron deficiency and instead of getting help I was beaten for it.

[@amandaananda9029]

I am so, so sorry, you should not ever have had to experience that.

[@misspat7555]

I thought you were going to say you had ADHD or were depressed. You had a PHYSICAL health problem detectable by a simple blood test?!? That’s even worse! I don’t get some parents… 🤨

[@dinimueter9961]

@@misspat7555it‘s not worse, it‘s just another form of ableism.

[@seagaulle]

Something similar happened to me, growing up I’d miss assignments and procrastinate and because of that I was punished and called lazy. However when I was 14 I got diagnosed with autism, which I’d been researching for a while and came across executive dysfunction which described me perfectly, but the psychiatrists didn’t know what it was so I assumed it wasn’t real and my parents never knew about it. It wasn’t until later in life when I began to look into burnout and executive dysfunction and see it was real and affects autists more, and luckily my mom heard me out and she acknowledges it and doesn’t give me a hard time about “being lazy” anymore.

[@pixality7902]

I didn't want to sit next to a particular family friend on game nights. My parents started making seating charts. When they sat me next to him, I'd refuse and be punished. I didn't want to sit next to him because he would inappropriately touch me. By then, i was good at avoiding him when I had to get up. Timing it when he was in the bathroom, turning my body so he couldn't pretend to "accidentally" touch my chest, not walking past him, etc.. To my dad, I was being belligerent just for fun I guess? Dude always tried to paint me as awful. In reality, I was a pretty good kid who didn't get into trouble. He expected me to be awful so tried to make me that way. Its so bizarre.

[@ZeroFrogsHere]

Always found it crazy on wife swap that the new wife would bathe and dress the kids that she's just met. She's a complete stranger to them.

[@thought_bug]

Yes it’s mad!!

[@Moocow2003]

Ain't it a world we live in that a complete stranger was seen as the normal choice for bathing a child over the child's own father

[@sparksfly6149]

@@Moocow2003ikr this drives me insane

[@FJYoko-nl7yq]

​@@Moocow2003I think "strange woman" would fit better. Because in no world would it be acceptable for a "strange man" to come in and do the same. The double standards. I'm so tired of them

[@Electric0eye]

Genuinely horrifying.

[@Drowningindisappointment]

When I was young I got separated from my family at the MET. One of the museum docents took me to the security office where they take care of kids who got lost, there was only one other kid there, she was about my age and she was really upset. When the security guard made the announcement over the loudspeaker that the girl's parents had to come pick her up, she begged him not to. She said she had gotten distracted by a sculpture of a dog and intentionally stayed there while her family wandered off, she said she didn't want them to come get her because she knew they would be mad at her for not staying with them. The security guard tried to be nice and told her "Don't worry, I bet they'll just be happy to know you're safe." but the girl kept crying and said something like, "No, they'll just hit me and Dad will take away my dog and I'll never be allowed to go to the park again!" Back then I was so confused. I had gotten lost and was crying because I was scared and wanted to be back with my family, because I knew my family would protect me. She had gotten lost and was crying because she knew her family would hurt her, no matter if her intention had been to get lost or not. That's what I think the main flaw of this style of parenting is. In my case, the experience of getting lost was the lesson and seeing how scared my mom was for my safety and having her there to comfort me was what ensured I wouldn't do it again. That is how it's supposed to work. Parents are supposed to assist and guide their children while they learn lessons from their life experiences. Authoritarian parents don't teach their children how to function in the real world, they teach them the rules of their own household. If a child gets lost, and then is punished when she gets back, that is not teaching the child to avoid getting lost, it's teaching her to not come back.

[@hellomew]

Brilliantly put. I feel so awful for that girl oh my god. I hope she's doing better now

[@musicnightmare]

Yikes... I hope she's doing better but I agree with the other person this is really well put.

[@RTU130]

👍

[@ZaneLikesCheese]

Yeah children are supposed to be upset because their parents aren't there, not because their parents are coming

[@jaebebifi]

Jesus the eloquence in this. I always wanted to run away from home and did a few times, but I always ended up in a situation more abusive or neglectful or whatever. It took until living with my current boyfriend to realise how much easier life is when you feel safe inside your home. When you're able to make food without fear of being yelled at for being messy or judged for eating the same thing again? When you feel comfortable walking around the house half naked because you know no one is gonna take advantage of it? When you feel like you can let someone help you and not have them expect something from you in return? When you feel like you can leave your room?? Genuinely life changing stuff I'll be honest

[@IAmNotAWoodenDuck]

My whole community, including my parents, were obsessed with the "tough love" reality shows. Supernanny, DrPhil, World's Strictest Parents... If it had a bratty (severely neglected) child being "put in their place" they wanted to see it. And yes, they absolutely tried to raise me the same way. I won't go into detail, but it had some very horrible effects on my childhood. I will always feel a seething hatred for these people who will never know me, but indirectly convinced my teachers, parents and doctors not to listen to me. Especially Dr Phil.

[@AmyGrape-wc9uy]

The irony of it that most or all of these shows did stress that the PARENTS had responsibility and their lack of good parenting and love is what is causing their children to act this way, but they just ignore that part and push the punishment instead. I dont like Phil but how many times has he said it takes 100 "good girls" to erase one "youre stupid". On Supernanny, they stress trying to spend more time with their kids and have healthier relationships. There isnt all bad advice on these shows and it has helped me with my rowdy cousins a few times. The problem is they're lazy and they want to send their kids to the ranch without any ownership over their own actions and decisions. Which, again, Phil has said multiple times that the child isn't going to heal or get better if the parents dont also get better almost EVERY EPISODE.

[@emmablack1230]

That is interesting. My family grew up watching Supernanny but none of those other shows. I never had thought of it was a "tough love" show. I thought Jo seemed fair and held parents accountable for things and not the children. It had a lot of discipline but not overly unfair to me discipline. There was also a lot of scolding the parents for doing wrong like it scolded and refused spanking, taking rudely to your children, not taking enough care of or watching close enough, having your older children take care much of the younger ones, and not explaining things properly to your child. Honestly the show helped me feel safe and cared about in a comforting way due to that. Jo always felt to me like she was advocating for the children, causing me to even go back to episodes that jumped out at me as a child when I was like 16-17 (I just turned 18 now). All of those ones were ones with extra bad parents and Jo was very much on the kid's side. Obviously there are issues with the show but I never saw it in the light of "tough love", ofc I can see how the punishment aspect of the show could lead people to see it that way. EDIT: Ofc I grew up in a way a lot of people called strict but wasn't strict compared to a lot of things called strict in media but also was more strict than a lot of people and some people argue if my experience was abuse or not, so that might affect how I saw it

[@msjkramey]

My family still uses "the naughty spot" technique but with some tweaks lol. Having a kid take a moment to calm down, reflect, and talk afterwards with a reminder that they're loved is a good thing. And I like how it's one minute per year old the child is because a 4 year old can't handle the same amount of time as an older child

[@thought_bug]

Yes! You’ve perfectly articulated this. There’s something about adults enjoying seeing a child be disciplined... Is it cathartic or something? Vicarious power? Idk

[@janaekelis]

i wasn't a bratty kid anyway, so they were excited when they got the chance to use those stupid methods on me. it was the worst

[@LuciPlaysGames]

Can you imagine being SA’ed by your parents on a regular basis, acting out because it is extreme abuse and then suddenly having people filming your meltdowns for millions to see? I am sure this is something a least a few children went through on these kind of shows

[@CJGroves-y9i]

I went through that. And it taught me a lot of harsh truths about the world. To hell with having children…most people don’t deserve that right and should be stripped of it for their crimes.

[@crisptomato9495]

Scared Straight was fucked up for that too, like why are we letting convicts scream r*pe threats at minors? And why tf are people watching it for entertainment?

[@LuciPlaysGames]

@@CJGroves-y9i I went through it as well and people always look at me funny when I say that there’s no need for anyone on earth to have anymore kids. Sure there are wants, there is no non selfish reason to birth new babies. I always tell people consider adopting instead. I also advocate that there’s no reason for any minor to be posted to or be using themselves, social media. Absolutely none. Children barely have reason to be online a 3 year old does not need an Instagram page “managed by mommy” It really sucks, it’s really sad and pictures of me are still on the internet from when I was a victim of this as a child

[@coolm3th]

I had a coworker tell me that everyone should have at least one kid and I told her that's absolutely insane not fair to children because not everyone should be a parent and that there are millions of kids without parents in the world that could be adopted. She couldn't understand it.​@@LuciPlaysGames

[@theshockinglyeloquentdog9945]

You just made up a whole scenario to be upset about

[@Tyxaar]

Shoutout for Bluey for keeping the identities of their child actors confidential so protect their privacy.

[@youtubeuniversity3638]

Imagine the twist if the child actors weren't children at all. Imagine the doubletwist of the first twist being a lie they make up as part of the privacy protection.

[@quippits3201]

I hope those kids have a choice to make those public when they turn 18. If they want to continue voice acting, that'd be a great mark on the ol resume

[@fleurboisvert8816]

It's the creators own kids that's why.

[@solarwreathe3789]

i was a difficult toddler, every time i threw tantrums my mum would quip "i have supernanny on the phone" and i would stfu quicker than the queen never cry baby. worked on me better than actual supernanny would've. (but its interesting how even a toddler could register the horror of publically televised shaming)

[@gwenpicchi5719]

Also, Supernanny is pretty but scary. You know you messed up either as a parent or child if she's paying you a visit.

[@palemeadows]

@gwenpicchi5719A child did not mess up, it’s always the parent.

[@beelzemobabbity]

I remember secretly wishing super nanny came to my house. Not because i was a brat or my parents were, but because i just liked the show and kinda wanted to be on tv lol.

[@chillfactory9000]

I used to wish Supernanny would come to my house and talk to my parents.

[@jensablefur155]

In the 90s I had a friend whose parents used a lot of these kind of threats as a psychological punishment to shock the behaviour into stopping. One of her mum's go-to things to do when she cried or was upset (and we're talking when we were like 5 or 6 years old) was to lift the phone receiver and say "if you don't like it here then I'll phone Childline and you'll never have to see me again". When either my friend or her brother got upset on a family walk the mother and father would threaten to leave them there, and actually quicken their walking pace to be an adult powerwalk kind of pace and make the kid half-walk and half-run, while still crying, to catch them up. She told me that every December there'd be threats to give away their presents to the shoebox appeal charity or to somehow reduce or cancel Christmas as well as a way to leverage their behaviour. I didn't really realise how dark this stuff was until I got older. It's horrible, and she actually did have huge self-esteem issues in her 20s.

[@RenegadeDesigns]

I in school looked a teacher in the eyes and said "I am being abused" and their response was "No you're not". My parents then went on to human traffic me. So this is an issue I have strong opinions on

[@Isissa125]

I can't imagine being an adult as I am now and NOT taking a child seriously when they said that. It's actually insane

[@RenegadeDesigns]

@@Isissa125 I wasn't just any child. I as a child with a lot of classic signs of trauma too.Anger issues, sleep problems, extremely intelligent passing all my tests easily but never doing any homework or anything not physically done at school. When I think back to my childhood self I think its damn obvious even without me at 14, 16, 18, 20 and other times telling people point blank what as happening. It was obvious. But I was the property of my parents in the mind of others so no one cared.

[@sadpotatohours4846]

@@RenegadeDesigns The issue is that alot of adults believe children arent able to be self aware. i had the issue alot where ill tell my parents how their actions where hurting me and how they were affecting me and they'd write it off because kids cant have logical thinking i guess?? if anything it only further cemented their behavior.

[@RenegadeDesigns]

@@sadpotatohours4846 That is all true but it still is the wrong way to treat children. People try to justify the actions of those ho let a disabled child(me) be abused and its always justified as "They didn't see you as a full person with thoughts, feelings and a whole consciousness. They thought of you as your parent's kid not as a person." Like 16yos know enough that if they tell a teacher they're being abused they know the basic definition of the word. Which is one of the ages I attempted to go to a high school teacher for help. So even the flimsy excuse of "They thought you were too young to know better" doesn't hold up for me. If I can be trusted to comprehend the physics class I should be trusted to know the definition of basic English vocab. I feel like that explanation is often just giving the people who allow abuse to happen too much credit.

[@icedlemonss]

@@RenegadeDesigns mentioning being disabled doesnt really make the situation any worse or any better so idk why you had to mention it here

[@gays4wumbology396]

As someone who was hit as a child (and have watched my younger siblings grow up also being hit) the logic behind it is just not there for me. It did nothing for me besides make me even more of an anxious and timid mess. And it didn’t stop the behaviors in my siblings that they were being punished for. I feel like a GOOD amount of hitting is just adults losing their temper, or being embarrassed socially and deciding “you embarrassed me so I’m going to hurt you”

[@alexhilton2259]

I agree. And a lot of times parents hit when they don't have any tools in their toolbox. They have a behavior they need to address and they weren't taught how to handle behavior and conflict as kids. Often, they were hit as kids as the sole method of discipline, so with no model of how to appropriately handle conflict and difficult behavior, they do what was done to them. Even parents who have some tools, might run out of tools and resort to hitting, or go the opposite direction and not discipline at all (which is just as damaging, unfortunately). The more tools a parent has, the more success we will see in eliminating hitting children as discipline. The internet helps, but people have to look for the tools. And to do that they have to want to change, so note I'm only referring to parents who actually want to break that generational cycle.

[@mazc1358]

Agree 💯

[@Zeroshiki]

It's intimidation and control. All studies say that physically harming your children does nothing more than make them fear you and/or become bullies. It's not surprising that someone being bullied at home would feel the need to pass that frustration and hurt onto someone else. Way too many parents confuse respect with fear. I remember the only reason I liked going to school was getting away from the myriad of abuses from my mom and habitual step-fathers at home.

[@gays4wumbology396]

@ very true. A lot of defenses are “well this is what my parents did growing up so…” and I just feel like so much more active research needs to go into it by more parents. Just bc that’s what our parents did, and we don’t know anything else is no excuse anymore. We have so many resources telling us that hitting kids is bad, and effective ways to get through conflict. I sympathize with people maybe having less time to actually parents bc of the economy, but beating kids in place of actual teaching is unacceptable to me

[@alexhilton2259]

@@Zeroshiki very true

[@Elijah_Kujo]

The absolute lack of respect towards children and teenagers and even young adults is so sickening I have an absolute monster of a mother that would regularly insult me, belittle me, call me names and tell me I was useless and a horrible child. Throughout my childhood I have gone to the people MEANT to report this thing, doctor, teachers, school nurses, school principals/staff. None of them ever reported it. My GP said "your mom is nice to you so she's not abusive" and then called my mom into the room to tell her what I just said, so I got yelled at. One school nurse called my mom to say "your child has reported their homelife isn't great" so I got yelled at. All the other people ignored my calls for help and did NOTHING.

[@bubblybobabubbles]

I dont know when this was or which country you were in, but today in the US that is HIGHLY illegal. Doctors cannot violate patient confidentiality even to their parents, and teachers are mandated reporters (meaning that, by law, if they have ANY reason to suspect abuse or neglect, they MUST report it to CPS). Pretty sure doctors are mandated reporters too (I know psychologists are), but I can't say for absolute certain. Either way, these people should NOT have tattled on you, both because of their lawful obligations and their ethical ones. Anyone who's first thought when a kid comes up to them and confides about a troubled home life is "theyre such a liar let me tell the parents theyre so afraid of about it" should not be working with children. I am so sorry that happened to you. I know I'm a stranger on the internet, but _I_ believe you. Hope you're in a better place now.

[@Elijah_Kujo]

@@bubblybobabubbles I'm in the EU, so it'd probably even worse. But I have only looked up how I could go into reporting my GP, sadly it requires a full paper trail of the abuse happening and well, I don't have that. I'm not in a better place right now sadly, she fucked me up so bad I'm not able to get a job, so I'm trying to get govt help to move out...

[@bubblybobabubbles]

@@Elijah_Kujo Any way you could perhaps try out therapy, see if it may help? I don't know how easy/viable it is getting to a psychologist in the UK, but it may be worth it to look into? At minimum, it might help you work through your thoughts and feelings on what happened and come to terms with them. Honestly kinda insane to me they want a paper trail. Like I get needing evidence and all, but who expects a child to like... keep and file paperwork or logs??? Can't believe there's no other way. I'm really sorry to hear that.

[@poxidog]

My dad was very like this. Once I reached the point I knew it wasn't normal, and started getting out of control I told everyone. I couldn't explain what he was doing, I didn't have the ability to articulate the different types of abuse piled on top of each other, and what made this too far. Plus it was hard for me to even talk, being under his roof and having been punished my whole life if I said the wrong thing my selective mutism was through the roof until he was gone. But basically everyone thought I was just being a dramatic teenager trying to rebel. But there's some big events that should have been massive red flags to all the adults around me. I was failed by every one of them. I was literally covered in 2nd and 3rd degree chemical burns all over at one point from an incident. Everyone knew I'd been burned and my dad was responsible, I wasn't even teased for the big flakes coming from my hair and skin while it healed because it was well known I'd been hurt by him, but I didn't even have a single adult ask my version of what happened to me. Total failure of every single one of those adults

[@IceFireofVoid]

Had a similar experience when I finally went to get psychiatric health and my mom was brought into the room to provide some documents and she completely took over the whole thing so I couldn't speak about anything she said or did to me and instead she just went on a massive rant about how she doesn't like my dad and thinks that because of his genes, there's just something inherently wrong with me. I was trying so hard to communicate to the doctor, without speaking, that I was terrified of my mom. I don't think she got it.

[@Forwantofaname]

When I was a kid, my parents proudly displayed a photo of me crying and supposedly being a brat in their living room. We didn't have guests often, but I wonder what they thought of it. The funny thing is, I remember why I was crying that day. Because my parents got irritated at me because I was being too loud while they were doing their taxes and they sent me to my room for an hour. I don't know why they thought taking a picture then was a good idea.

[@thought_bug]

Eeeshh. Sorry that happened :(

[@DJOpaltavio]

I hate it when parents constantly remind you of bad things you did when you were younger, or things you want to forget. It frustrates me so much. Edit: An example was one time I asked my Grandma a sensitive question about my mum's childhood when I was 8, and immediately I felt guilty for doing it. one year later I guess I got into an argument with my older sister and mum and I could hear them talking about that in the kitchen. I got so upset I kinda yelled something at them both, like "It's always you two talking about all the bad stuff I've done!" but they apologised :D and everything went peaceful again real quick

[@Eggs_hatching]

i had a lot of big uncontrollable emotions as a kid (what i now know as being senory overload- it was neurological) which normally resulted in crying. I still vividly remember my parents taking picture of me sobbing in a national park because they thought it was funny. It was so upsetting to be so overwhelmed by my environment and have a camera in my face when the solution was probably just a dark quiet place, some respect, and a fkn blanket. They were mostly good parents but putting a camera in a childs face to document them at their lowest while theyre trying to learn to regulate emotions is vile

[@IceFireofVoid]

My mom will still regularly tell people about how I "threw a tantrum" that "ruined my brother's 2nd birthday". What actually happened was that I had been sick for days before, and on the party I had a headache. I tried to stay out of sight, I even laid outside in the grass for hours, until my head hurt too bad so I went to ask my mom if I could have some medicine. She proceeded to yell at me for being an attention seeker, saying I was acting out because I was "jealous". So I started crying before going to hide in my room. I don't get it.

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

​@@IceFireofVoidNathan Explosion may have some advice about your mother if you've ever seen Metalocalypse.

[@kelso18ful]

When a child is upset or angry it’s “acting out” and “tantrums” but when an adult is upset or angry and causes a child physical harm it’s “discipline”

[@allhailthee]

It should be “haul them off to prison”.

[@BriarBeeBenson]

THIS! And it’s always “but a parent’s job is soooo harddd! What about the uwu poor parents who have ALL of the power and control in this very one-sided relationship?” Like I don’t give a shit how hard their lives are and how hard their job is, that will literally never EVER justify abusing a vulnerable person who depends on you for survival! Only one party in this situation gets to leave, and it’s not the person being hurt or screamed at or ridiculed or stolen from! They are the victim and always will be, not here person who controls them! Caring for vulnerable people is a privilege, not a fucking right people are entitled to! More parents need to be put in their place and held to a far, far higher behavioural standard than they currently are rather than other adults constantly enabling and placating them to “keep the peace” and to “mind their own business” these people are bystanders and cowards and are complicit in the abuse of a vulnerable member of their society. They should be ashamed

[@kelso18ful]

@ exactly!! like yeah it’s hard to be a parent.. it’s also hard to be a child! and YOU as the parent are the one that CREATED THE JOB. you didn’t HAVE to be a parent, but you decided to, so now you have to step up and actually be a parent. i’ll never understand the want to be physically and mentally harmful to a literal child

[@elyenidacevedo1995]

I never understood hitting kids. If you hit an animal its abuse, and if you hit and adults, it's assault. I also think some kids might find it ok to hit other people or harm them because their parents did.

[@snakewithapen5489]

​​​@@elyenidacevedo1995 this is a big factor for inter-sibling abuse too. If the kids see their parents 'dicipline' their siblings by beating them, how do you think they'll treat each other when something happens between them?

[@jenjellybean5534]

I think it's insane that a law that passed in Australia recently that under 16s can't use social media but parents can still post their young children online, that being said you can actually sue your parents for posting pictures of you when you were young but it doesn't help the current situations of children being exploited for content

[@TransMascTrump]

That law ain't working lol

[@Lemoncakelover678]

All that law will do is give more harm towards young people thn protect them because lets be honest, you cannot control the internet and sick people will still try to take advantage of children, even more now that their in a more vulnerable position

[@Parasitoid_Sentimentality]

yeah, attempting retroactive justice is always a sad, far cry from actual abuse prevention

[@ellyisjelly1504]

yeah there’s been a lot of outrage against it. under 16s can’t use social media but they can be held criminally responsible under our cooked system, it’s so bad

[@aidanc9396]

@@ellyisjelly1504 Under 16s being held responsible for crimes they commited and knew were wrong is a bad thing? You must be from Victoria or NSW ay?

[@MintyFreshCupcakes]

4:51 Yes. Yes they do. I've been a teacher and a kids swim coach and I have had parents assume I don't know anything about kids because I didn't have any. I started teaching swim lessons when I was 14 and started teaching at 22. I even told a parent once who tried to correct pointers I gave to their child in swimming, "Your child is 5. I've been teaching swim lessons longer than you've been a parent. I know what I'm talking about." I also VERY OFTEN knew my students better than their parents did because a lot of parents view their kids as extensions of themselves instead of their own person.

[@Osephinejay]

NO FOR REAL I've been a nanny since I was 18 (babysitting for the 7 years prior to that and unofficially babysitting 2 years before that. I've raised six children from infancy to school age. Six. Going to be a teacher here soon and when I tell you the amount of people who assume I take a job with children while knowing nothing about children...ugh.

[@neonradius]

There was a tiktok drama awhile ago where one user gave incorrect car seat advice, and when another creator politely corrected her (a creator who was a Child Passenger Safety Technician, someone who’s entire education and job is about this stuff), she said that he shouldn’t be giving people car seat advice because he doesn’t have kids. It’s a frustrating and stupid ideology for so many reasons, but what always gets me is that having children doesn’t mean you know what you’re talking about either! Being a good parent is one of the hardest things you can do, and I have so much respect for people who take that path, but the simple act of combing egg and sperm and carrying it to term does not suddenly imbue you with the ancient knowledge of child rearing, and while experience can be a great teacher, if my surgeon told me that he didn’t go to med school but picked up a scalpel figured it out, I would leave that operating room (ofc doctors do get a lot of training before becoming doctors, because experience IS necessary… I would just also argue that ‘having your own children’ isn’t the only way to get experience with kids. I would take the advice of a childless teacher who’s worked with kids for 30+ years before the advice of a first time parent who learns from tiktok)

[@seagaulle]

@@neonradiussimilar situation where during the height of Elsagate, my cousin let her young son go to another room and watch KZbin kids. I was 14 and heard about it from my favorite KZbinrs so I knew you could find nasty stuff on there, so I told her and the kids older brothers about it. Later I was told by my mom that it was good I was looking out for them, but I really shouldn’t be giving parenting advice because I was too young to have children. Yeah mom the poor kid can watch Elsagate content but if I play Minecraft for a bit too long then IM the problem 🙄

[@ettinakitten5047]

As a parent, this is nuts to me. I had *no* clue how to go about teaching my baby to swim, and I've been very grateful to her swimming instructors for giving me pointers on it. I know my kid, but I don't know how kids learn to swim.

[@theefartman]

That last sentence hits really hard 😢 and as a person planning to become an elementary educator, this definitely worries me. I do not look forward to dealing with some of these entitled parents

[@kitkat-nu5ck]

I live in the US and am in my twenties. I was very poorly behaved at age 12 due to being horrifically bullied by almost all of my peers. Multiple times that year, I was given a choice of punishment for my behavior between in-school suspension (going to a separate building all day to complete my work) or having the principal hit me with a paddle. I genuinely loved ISS, because I was away from my tormentors and could work at my own pace and read once I'd completed my work. Every single adult involved urged me to just let the adult man hit me instead because it would be easier for them.

[@thought_bug]

Was that legal 😳

[@NerdMiGerd]

WHAT

[@kitkat-nu5ck]

​@@thought_bug it was at the time but thankfully isn't anymore

[@PyroGothNerd]

Uh... that's illegal in almost every state, and in the states where it IS legal, parents have to sign a permission form You should report the school if you're able

[@kitkat-nu5ck]

​@PyroGothNerd This happened over a decade ago, it was fully legal at the time. The need for parental permission was why they couldn't go ahead and hit me regardless. The principal had a dedicated paddle hanging up in his office which was super fucked up in retrospect

[@hayleyh23]

This conversation really needs to be had for the children from Mtv’s Teen Mom. The oldest kids, I think, are 17 now and have had cameras in their faces since they were born. They’ve been on tv since the womb.

[@thought_bug]

Great point, I forgot how long Teen Mom had been around for!

[@callanightshade8079]

​@@thought_bug Considering what one of the girls from the American version just proclaimed about her ex, the one who has custody of their daughter, all over social media it's definitely something that needs to be talked about

[@notme8232]

It's the fucking Truman Show

[@hayleyhellbound9513]

Alex of Teen Mom 3 was in my highschool and lemme just say, none of that needed to be on television, and Matt was so much worse than the show ever made him seem (though I don’t know how much he even showed up to film after the initial 16&preg episode) Last I saw she used her daughter as a doll and mini her and had her going through intensive dance school the same way she had herself, with the hopeful outcome of actual doing something with it instead of ruining the body with getting pregnant at peak performance age. Were in Dance Moms country, so it didn’t surprise me she did that very much.

[@Palmtop_User]

Mtv really looked at the truman show and said "sounds like a great idea"

[@ThylineTheGay]

'parental consent' to any extent relies on the parents being _decent_ people, it falls apart _so_ fast, hell, even generally decent people can do awful things there's nothing special about parents that make them more responsible with those powers over someone than anyone else

[@darkstarr984]

Exactly. It’s something clearly allowed because “what if teenagers want to get married to each other?” but in practice is used for completely different situations

[@Tsukaiyo]

Absolutely. The rules only work as intended when the parents are specifically reasonable, kind, logical, educated on the matter at hand, and truly have their kid's best interests at heart. But *anyone* can be a parent, so...

[@Rosa5311]

Exactly, that's why I always say that children's rights are determined by the parents, which is terrifying if the parents are bad people

[@garethbaus5471]

Most of the stuff relating to a child's life relies on the parents being decent people.

[@umhi9778]

​@@garethbaus5471and the bar for "decent person" is decided by other parents.

[@JacksNightmare]

I think the main issue comes from kids legal status. They're viewed as property of the parents and not people with their own human rights. If they did have rights of their own, these issues would happen a lot less imo

[@caramel9154]

yeah, it's wild physically hitting a child who hasn't even hit double digits is seen as normal to some 'people' and not physically assaulting someone who doesn't have a fully developed brain or skeleton.

[@sopwithhannah2401]

Property? What country are you from?

[@hannahleigh6152]

​@@sopwithhannah2401America and Britain view children as property.

[@Kalani_Saiko]

@@sopwithhannah2401 While not explicitly said to be property, they are often thought of as such. I have even heard and seen people refer to children as "it"

[@ZaneLikesCheese]

​@@Kalani_SaikoOOOOOH that is one of my BIGGEST pet peevs

[@lilbread1717]

I grew surrounded by adults who enjoyed the power dynamic between adults and children a lot. From my own parents, to teachers, doctors, cops, people loved to demonstrate how powerless I was against them, how easily they could harm me, how their words were believed over mine, how they could hurt me and people would side with them. I don't plan on having kids, but I will forever advocate for kids and their rights, because I still have to hear about how it was okay for adults to abuse me because their life is hard, without a care about me because I was a child.

[@Judgeangels]

I relate heavily to the teacher part I was bullied by teachers more then I was by kids I was the weird quiet kid who according to them "would rather spend all day doodling cartoon characters then doing school work" It was probably the worst in 3rd grade when I had a teacher who despised me I felt like I was constantly on the edge with her and it was around that time where my anxiety was really bad and she would make it worse she would actually scream at me during a panic attack because according to her "I was misbehaving" and while in 3rd grade I was treated as though I was illiterate (I could read higher then any of the other kids) and I was treated like I was some stupid kid 5th grade was shitty too I have dyscalculia (though at the time I had no idea what that was) and my math teacher would scream at me for not understanding her she tried to fail me because I didnt understand and I would have panic attacks and "disrespect" her In 6th grade my suicidal thoughts were at their worst and I had teachers make those thoughts worse thought tbf in 6th grade I had the best teacher I've ever had he was the first person who motivated me to start doing better in school and to achieve something great and if it werent for him and those 2 people at my highschool then I wouldnt be where I am now so happy ending I guess

[@OwieTFStudio]

Same Lilbread, same. I can't trust anyone now. Everyone is a tyrant- I still feel helpless. Trying to fight against it is such an uphill battle. Having a phone with plenty of storage space and a good storage app helps a little- I can take vids of the abuse so I'm at least able to prove it to myself if nobody else cares...

[@AlexPredakinkshamer]

I was raised in an extremely abusive household, I tried to tell multiple trusted adults what was happening to me and none of them listened to me. I had to acquire some documentation recently from one of the times I was sent to a mental hospital as a teenager (a favorite punishment of my parents), which included notes taken from the therapists there that I hadn't seen before then. It's a lot to get into but the short of it is that in their private conversations with my mom she had fully convinced them that I was lying, I was the villain of the household. And apparently my entire stay there was the therapists trying to convince me that I had "delusions of persecution". I think I was 15 at the time of this.

[@thought_bug]

So sorry this happened to you. I think this happens quite a lot

[@ad0raaas]

long reply, tldr; i'm sorry this happened to you, i've been through something similar. read if you want! when i had psychiatric testing done last year (17F, now 18) i explained my relationship with my parents (not to get into it, but there's substantial evidence of psychological torture on top of regular abuse) and that was called "delusions of persecution." i was diagnosed with delusional psychosis. my parents had done paperwork before me & wrote things about me that just weren't true & it completely skewed my test results. the documentation accused me of being unable to help myself & being incredibly delusional and dangerous. every single person that has ever known has said i have ADHD. my testing blamed my fidgeting, poor attention span & talking out of turn on psychosis. they said i was in a florid psychotic process (an acute psychotic episode) at the time of testing (which i wasn't!) i haven't worked up the courage to be tested again because if my parents have any involvement they will lie & paint a picture of me that isn't true and has never BEEN true. the neuropsychologist herself saw me fighting back against my parents assertion that i had no empathy because i didn't care when one of MY ABUSERS died and told me i was being persecutory & aggressive. i've never been so appalled. i think it was a mix of actual medical malpractice/negligence and my parents lying. i'm so shocked doctors that just simply agree with everythiing your parent's say are real. i feel like it says something about how they treat their kids at home.

[@Vivian-h1v]

I had an incredibly similar experience. I'm so sorry

[@KyrstOak]

Those therapists need their licences stripped away from them and to never be allowed to practice ever again. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you.

[@seagaulle]

@@ad0raaas I’m sure you know this but a lot of symptoms of abuse are seen as ADHD symptoms. I took a child psych class where the prof had worked in a school, and she recalls one of the kids there having these symptoms and getting on ADHD meds. The next day he came in crying saying that he “can’t look around anymore” so he couldn’t see his attacker. I hope that kid is doing fine now.

[@Lin-rh6qs]

Something really interesting that I noticed about myself is, as a child, dystopian movies/books/games didn't have much of an impact on me. The characters have no real free will or agency and have to fight tooth and nail to so much as be seen as human beings, and sometimes even that isn't enough? Every ounce of rebellion is stamped out at first sight with aggression and force and some rebels are used to make an example out of? That's just... being a kid. Minus a lot of the death and destruction (well, for those of us that were lucky enough to not have it get to that point), but kid me had a very different and muted reaction to all of those themes. Meanwhile, as an adult, those same ideas feel so much scarier. The idea of not getting to make my own choices, being under someone else's thumb... but, only a decade ago, that was just life.

[@fangirlandproud6442]

I feel this! Adults make so many choices for children! And while sometimes, it is necessary (like requiring your child to get a vaccine for the sake of their own health), sometimes it is not and when it is not, we should yea h the child how to exercise their autonomy. But sometimes, they never learn that because adults just keep making their decisions for them. Or, something I know others have ran into, is a child/teen not knowing how they feel because they are so used for their parent speaking for them, causing them to never learn how to verbalize their pain/what is wrong (if something is wrong).

[@sadie8834]

That’s a really deep and intense thing to think about as a child, damn.

[@slavishentity6705]

@@fangirlandproud6442 A parent can make the other choice and refuse to let their child get a vaccine or any other kind of healthcare because they "don't believe in it" or any other excuse

[@fangirlandproud6442]

@slavishentity6705 exactly! And that would be even worse because then the child never learns about health and how to take care of their body in the first place!

[@slavishentity6705]

@@fangirlandproud6442 If they live that long for it to be a concern

[@unseenmagnificence40]

You know that's something i appreciate about super nanny. Not that she's that great but she looks at the family unit as a whole as well as the behavior. One of the ones i remember is one mom who had her kids doing way too much. Multiple Sports. Language studies. Dance. And she was like you're doing too much. They're stressed out. Which is something i appreciated.

[@llynxfyre]

she also doesn't tolerate physical abuse. bare minimum but at least she's not the "spare the rod" type of person

[@chillfactory9000]

I think I remember that family, they had like 6 kids and they were ALL doing activities. It was insane, the household was a mess and it was the parents own fault because they shoveled out too much onto their kids plates.

[@miriamrobarts]

Yes, I remember an episode where the mom felt overwhelmed and annoyed all the time, even though the grandma helped out a lot. Jo showed the mom that she wasn't enjoying being a mom because she never played with her kids. When she started really paying attention to them & played with them, the kids and the mom were happier.

[@megafonundmo1458]

yes but she also tells parents that they should stick their chilsren back into bed when they get up at night afraid or unable to sleep and IGNORE them which is horrible. i had separation anxiety, or rather panic attacks, as a child, that shit broke me.

[@smada_xam]

@@megafonundmo1458 we aren't saying she's perfect, but she was definitely better than everyone else at the time and really revolutionized how people parented. after supernanny it became a LOT more taboo to hit your kids, although still far too many do it

[@ely5474]

OH I GET A PLACE IN THIS!! I was dancing and doing entertainment from the ages to 4-13 and the loss of autonomy was insane. For context I was doing competitive dance and pageants, think Dance Moms tier (I actually saw them a few times haha). I woke up at 5 am and lost all my weekends to practice, we were monitored over what we ate, I was screamed at daily and due to the field being completely female dominated (not to mention our moms were the primary abusers) I developed a permanent fear of grown women bc of it. We were not given privacy and often had to strip naked in front of grown men and women behind stages quickly to meet strict performance times and no one cared about it. I never saw a cent of the prize money I was offered and out of the former dance team I was in 5/6 of us have permanent disabilities due to overworking and improperly healed bones. Not to mention how we all were humiliated?? We weren’t allowed bathroom breaks often and if one of us had an accident the parents would record it and show other people (as if 6 year olds can hold their bladder well…) And my mom still talks about it and shows off the recordings as if I was happy?? I was severely underweight stressed and would puke before every competition due to bad undiagnosed anxiety. I hate it so much it’s why I have the complete belief that children shouldnt be posted publicly at all

[@ely5474]

It actually really hurts because I really did love acting and entertainment and if I was allowed to explore the interest without constant strict scrutiny, I’m pretty sure I would have perused it as a job :,D

[@minacarolina7671]

That’s an awful experience and I would bet lots of other girls had the same. Pageants should be regulated more

[@ely5474]

@minacarolina7671 I flat out believe they shouldn’t exist and count as exploitation because there is no reason any adult needs to line up kids and rate their attractiveness. If kids want to show off host a fun kiddy fashion show not whatever pageants are

[@b1uezje]

That's so horrible, I'm so sorry. I really hope you're in a better place now. I didn't go through anything anywhere near as horrible as you, but it's 'funny' when after finally getting away from a horribly abusive situation, you start realizing just how fucked everything was. I've been called lazy, since probably age 6, by my entire family because I had zero energy and will to go to school and would try to skip it as much as I could, getting berated and yelled at all the time did nothing to make me stop. I finally moved overseas a couple years ago and got away from my family, finally could live with my long-distance fiance (and get married!) after getting my US visa. And, fuck, man. I actually got medicated a couple years before moving, but cutting off my entire family and getting away from those toxic sacks of shit really opened my eyes. I've never felt better. I wasn't lazy. I was just severely depressed, I struggle with PTSD now, also. Every cry for help I could muster as a kid and teen was met with abuse. I needed help and I got punished for it by the people who were supposed to be taking care of me. The older I get, the more I realize that, frankly, most people who have children, should not be having children. A lot of great parents out there, but there's even more parents like mine. I know I wouldn't make a good dad, not a paternal bone in my body, I can recognize that and I'm not having kids, I wish more people could recognize that in themselves, too.

[@mggardiner4066]

I had a friend that did dance as a young kid and loved it, had a very chill troupe. When her family moved her mom went to enroll her in a new local dance group as a middle schooler, but they ended up quitting that because her mom was concerned about the hours they were requiring and especially the sexualized dances and outfits they were having them do at that age. When her mom asked the leaders why they couldn’t teach them age appropriate dances that were still complicated, she was told it “wasn’t competitive “

[@wennapeters115]

My mother was a victim of parental consent. She was married off to one of my grandmother's male friends who was several decades older than my mother. This was so my grandmother could claim all of an inheritance that had a clause prioritising it be used for any remaining minors in the home first. My mother's first husband was physically abusive and controlling, and beat her so severely that she suffered a late miscarriage of an otherwise healthy and viable pregnancy.

[@RedNymph234]

I don't understand why that isn't just called child smex trafficking

[@RedNymph234]

I don't know why that isn't just called child sx trafficking

[@jelly434]

Condolences :( There's no such thing as 'parental consent', the word is 'trafficking'.

[@fandomcentralstation]

You know that quote from A Christmas Carol about treating the poor like “fellow passengers to the grave and not another race of creatures”? That, but with children-

[@Austin-gj7zj]

Fellow passengers to the grave is an incredible phrase. I should really have read some Dickens by now..

[@JustLooking-4rt]

The whole story of Christmas Carol is a lesson of why you shouldn’t treat your kids like they’re disposable.

[@slushy7234]

as a 16 year old who's on the brink of childhood and adulthood, i've literally always felt insane because i've noticed all the ways that children and even teenagers in our society have been treated but everybody seems to accept it. sometimes things will happen to me, one of my peers, or a stranger online, and i'll think about it and be like, if this was done to an adult, people would call it out for what it is.

[@MaraAlext]

You are absolutely right, i feel like (As an asian but lived in like a foreign society and with foregneirs cause my mom immigrated so take my opinion wth grain of salt) the asian society dynamic supports it well.

[@RTU130]

Correct

[@TheOneTheOnlyGhost]

Another teenager, yes. I’ve cried over it so many times, and have gotten called strange over crying over it so many times. Here’s an example, teenagers are perfect little work slaves for corporate daddy’s lap and nobody seems to take it seriously. I’ve said it time and time again. Teenagers cannot vote, teenagers can and are underpaid for many reasons the biggest being they are young, most of the time they are verbally abused and are not treated as humans as their coworkers or customers are more often than not older than them, their parents are the ones pushing for them to work, etc. I have told my friend of all these things and he has since agreed to all of it but his mom is pushing him to get a job at 15, threatening him and saying if he doesn’t look for a job when he turns 15 she’ll take all of his stuff. And in my state they’re also pushing for the legal age of work to be 14 years old with adult permission. Hmmmm, and children and teenagers aren’t treated as humans? I wanna be a dad so badly, I could so much better

[@ZiggyZero_]

Same age as you and I agree childism makes my blood boil I hate how children are treated as pawns in adults games and like they're not even human

[@elyenidacevedo1995]

I do the same thing. It was always weird to me how hitting an animal is abuse or hitting other adults is assault but hitting a child isn't, even though they have complete control over them physically and in every other way. I also wonder if it teaches some kids that hitting people is ok because their parents hit them.

[@prodigal_southerner]

It is rare to hear someone speak so intelligently / thoughtfully about childcare. You have clearly done a lot of research; thank you for making this.

[@thought_bug]

That’s really kind, thank you! And thanks for watching

[@leruetheday377]

My mother took pictures of my half-skinned face after a rollerblading accident while I shook in pain and had to scream at her to help me instead of making jokes about my actively bleeding wounds. I couldn't sleep, my left eye was swollen shut, the left side of my mouth was the same way, and she never even took me to the doctor. I was thirteen.

[@TheOneTheOnlyGhost]

I really want to be a parent. I love kids and I hate the state of parenting as we know it. I just really get so sad seeing all of these comments. I wish you a good day.

[@leruetheday377]

@TheOneTheOnlyGhost All children deserve parents, not all parents deserve children

[@petravotroubkova1916]

@@TheOneTheOnlyGhost I am a parent and highly recomend it. It is exhausting sometimes, but seeing the people your children are growing into, their passions, characters and opinions, it's really worth it :)

[@FelixWheatfield]

With all due respect to *you* - I hope she has to sit alone in a retirement home for all of her twilight years and think about the kind of person she was.

[@snakewithapen5489]

Something like this happened to my dad growing up. He got roller blades for his 12th birthday and broke his ankle, and all of his friends and parents stood around laughing and taking pictures of him as he was crying and telling them he was in pain. He still has a picture from it in the family photo album. His mother didn’t take him to the hospital until a day later when he genuinely couldn't walk. My father is a very flawed person but I'm proud of him in so many ways for being softer, more understanding and kinder to his kids than his parents ever were to him.

[@candyzombiee]

ironically, as a kid who grew up in a household where my bio mom abused me, my siblings and my dad until they finally divorced, i remember “wifeswap” being kinda an escape for the family. the bit was always having the mom swap with her exact opposite and i would literally dream about going on the show just so i could get a nice mom for a month.

[@Electric0eye]

Jeez...that's horrible. I hope you're in a better place now.

[@Nachtelfin0des0Todes]

That's why I wanted to be on there as a kid so bad?! You just opened my eyes about something I had forgotten!

[@trashgod7095]

i had the same fantasy watching it, the idea some nice hippy lady would come into my house point out all the issues and tell my mom how horrible her boyfriend was was a nice breath away from everything

[@amazinggrapes3045]

Realizing the rights of children gives me the most hope for society because everyone starts as children. If people can do right by the children I think everything else will follow.

[@thought_bug]

Agree 👏

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

I like to think it will help improve things.

[@rebeccacampbell585]

The way you treat the most helpless in society says a lot.

[@Kalani_Saiko]

@@rebeccacampbell585 Children aren't helpless. The system just loves going against them.

[@growyourownfreedom2191]

I completely agree with this, if we nurtured all children into happy beings capable of true fulfilment then crime would probably disappear

[@RJLK0518]

The amount of people pushing for "parental rights" makes me sick. They just want to abuse and control their kids with no consequences.

[@Commonsense-u1h]

The other thing is they make a strawman by saying no hitting means no discipline, which is rubbish.

[@RJLK0518]

@Commonsense-u1h Or when they confuse "gentle" for "permissive" 🤬

[@nadinehart8624]

Children have enough protections as is. In many countries they can’t be physically punished at home, they can’t work for more than a few hours, depending on age and that’s restricted to only a few professions, their spaces, even their playgrounds, are protected yet they are allowed into spaces that are not appropriate for them nor do they behave in those spaces. I’m sick of everyone expecting everyone else to dance to the bratty tunes of wicked children. Why no parental rights? Because bitchy baby who can’t yet wipe its own shitty backside and screams for putrid chicken nuggets everyday knows what’s best for their continued survival? These children will allow themselves to be emaciated, to screech as they wish wherever they wish, to hit whoever they like because of the BiG FeELiNgS bullshit and what a child needs isn’t more thoughts on their fucking feelings, it’s more discipline. And you can do that without abusing them. Say what you will about wife swap but Supernanny dealt with some awful brats and not all of that is on the parent.

[@slavishentity6705]

As if the consequences weren't minimal and unlikely already

[@paradoxzee6834]

@@Commonsense-u1h I hate how many people try to find examples how gentle parenting does not work. People often mix up gentle parenting with lazy parenting, yes gentle parenting can work but it works only if you put effort and don't allow tablets to raise you children, I know some gentle parents who have really well behaved kids.

[@Noone-iz1dq]

My niece sometimes shuts down when we tell her shes done something unacceptable mostly hitting us or other. Her family would go from trying to coddling a response or apology to yelling and punishing her for not responding. And they all talk at the same time which even as an adult is overwhelming. After three days of spending time alone away from them with her I finally asked her why she shuts down when we tell her something is wrong even when we're not mad we just want to hear that she listens to us. She told her mom hits her when she does something bad. I told her I can't stop her mom but that I won't do that. She then told me hitting should be ok. I asked her if she doesn't like when her mom does it to her why should she do it to me and she had no words. She's didn't dwell on it long but the behavior of shutting down and adverting responsibility for her bad actions hasn't stopped. It sucks trying to help a kid thats not yours. Her mom still gets bitter about her "behaving better" around me but when i offer advice I'm seen as a know at all because "how could you know you don't have children"

[@misspat7555]

I’d say hitting to try to get a kid to stop hitting is pretty ridiculous, yes. My son’s father who he visited some weekends, especially roughly during his elementary school years, was a firm believer in “spanking” him, and I had to un-teach him from hitting TWICE. I would hold him by the wrists and say, “I do not hit you; I expect you not to hit me. Hitting hurts. We do not hit in this home!”. This of course doesn’t work if the parents are hitting the children as “discipline”. I also had to explain to my son that what his father was doing was technically legal (until he crossed a line and got investigated, but that’s another story), but that I did not personally think it was okay, which was why I didn’t do it. I figured it was good for him to understand that different adults can have different opinions about what is okay above and beyond simply what is legal and illegal. It sounds like your niece could use evaluating for developmental disabilities, as tolerating/punishing her behavior doesn’t seem to be working. 🤔

[@DeathnoteBB]

I wouldn’t call that “averting responsibility”, that’s a self-defense mechanism… Poor girl is beaten fir the tiniest mistakes so no duh she shuts down

[@Meowzio]

@@misspat7555 Yeah if you hit your child as punishment, they will think it's okay to hit others for doing something that they don't like. My dad hit me, I hit my little brother, and now he's bigger than me and hits me. My parents have long stopped using spanking as punishment, but the consequences still remain.

[@rossjones8656]

How... ironic?... at the end.

[@novatheenby8779]

Yeah what she’s doing is called dissociating - she’s separating her mind from the awareness of her body so when she gets hit she won’t get emotional whiplash from it. It’s a learned (unhealthy) psychological defensive mechanism.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

4:48 YES. childless women who work in pediatrics, teaching, all of those fields you mentioned get criticized to hell and back, because their expertise is "not enough" if theyve never had kids. any of the people criticizing jo for her lack of kids would do the same to any childless women who works with kids

[@choco1199]

I don’t even understand the logic of that. This video makes it clear that having kids doesn’t make you good at understanding them. So even a teacher who spends every day taking care of kids and a psychologist who spends lots of time studying childcare, you still think they don’t know anything Just because they don’t have kids? That’s silly.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

@choco1199 because childless women are considered by society as "incomplete" and therefore unexperienced. its illogical

[@vaughnhaney7020]

And men get belittled regardless of whether they have kids lol

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

@@vaughnhaney7020 "i am uncomfortable when we are not about me?"

[@rachellaurie5700]

It’s legitimate. She is there not as a nannying expert but as a parenting expert despite having zero experience. A popular topic for parenting magazines is “I was a … and thought I knew kids. Then I became a parent.” And I think sometimes it’s easy to preach short-term “solutions” like time-outs and sleep training when you (as just a nanny) don’t have to live with the long-term consequences of breaking trust.

[@monoduck]

I find it insane that for YEARS parents try to treat them like objects without enough brain power to actually have feelings, let alone agency. They have their kids on a leash, using violence when 'necessary'. Then when they hit 18, they're kicked out and expected to be an adult no questions asked.

[@raultrashlord4404]

the USMC recruitment model.

[@quinnwinter6361]

Shari Franke (Ruby’s oldest child) recently spoke to Utah state legislature about her experience growing up in a family vlog house calling politicians to put protections in place for the children in these families. Her words are extremely impactful especially since she’s one of the older family vlog kids speaking out. most people with similar experiences aren’t old enough to process what they went through so I want to point people to Shari’s statement(s). I can only imagine how many more people will be speaking out about the exploitation and danger of family vlogging, using their personal experience in the next 5-10 years

[@WobblesandBean]

It'll fall on deaf ears. Utah is pretty much controlled by Mormons, who looked to Ruby Franke as the gold standard for parenting. It's always been this way. Child abuse is highly normalized in the LDS church, The only reason they turn their backs on Ruby is because she publicized said abuse and made the church look bad.

[@jennawebb4225]

Soooo you're saying the Ruby Franke case is still active? I thought she was given a sentence? However, I'm still proud that Shari is still protecting her siblings, I truly hope she won't give up. She and her siblings deserve justice smh.

[@manicpepsicola3431]

​@@jennawebb4225 the ruby franke case is closed, but sheri is trying to get state legislation to recognize what being online does to kids

[@Cardinal_claw]

​@@WobblesandBean Genuinely no idea what you're talking about. Everyone who's brought it up is incredibly disgusted by her actions. I won't say there's not problems but child abuse is certainly not normalized or accepted.

[@BrianaLynn7]

Where can I watch her speak?!

[@mangowolf2706]

I hate how some adults belive that what happens to kids is just somehow washed away when they grow up like no its not?? obviously??? the desisions you make will affect your kids and truama you subject them to will tramatize them (thats crazy)

[@iCookMe]

I also hate how ppl will spout “kids are resilient!” Genuinely I believe we spend adulthood recovering from childhood. Kids are seen as resilient bc there’s such a delay in processing what the heck just happened - years, decades later it will come back and you just have to deal with it then. Crazy.

[@francinereinke]

"The TRAUMA YOU subject them to WILL TRAUMATIZE THEM!" ...yes.. louder for the people in the back. Like.. wooww, what a hard concept.. yeah? :/ Sheesh. Its wild this is such a hard thing for some people to get and accept, and to do better, to change things, do things differently. They just... get defensive and angry like they are the victims because they are being called out. I am thankful I am away from that.

[@madformuser]

​@@iCookMe Yeah and they're also "Resilient" because kids' brains are at the stage where they adapt the fastest. So when people hurt their kids, the kids aren't "Resilient" to it, their brains are literally rewiring themselves to cope with it which leaves them traumatised if they had to cope with their shitty parents shitty behaviour. It's like if I hit you in the face with a hammer then call you resilient because you got a large dent in your head instead of the whole thing falling off, then used that as an excuse to hit you with a hammer more. Some people are clinically brain dead

[@umhi9778]

​@@iCookMethe delay in processing is because it's truly overwhelming

[@FayeVert]

Parents need to realize that not only does this effect how their kids are as adults, its going to effect how their adult children approach elder care situations.

[@SageAsuka]

Reminded me of an experience I had while working at a small toystore. Those soft, squishy food keychains were all the rage and a small kid was trying to explain to a coworker why everyone wanted them. Pretty much said that they were cute and great for stress relief. Later on that coworker was mocking them (thankfully kid had left) and about how kids don't know the meaning of stress. This coworker had kids. Like we don't know that child's life but also it's like she forgot that kids don't pop out knowing math. They're learning a lot of skills for the first time. Can only hope she's not belittling her own kid's struggles like that.

[@Zomana9]

the classic, "I'm suffering more than you so I'm allowed to belittle you to make myself feel better"

[@slothisasin8240]

I was more stressed between the age of 1-13 than I've been since. As an adult I'm stressed, but it's not as bad as I used to be.

[@killdestroy69]

It's also so important to consider that many children ARE dealing with "adult" stress. Many children face physical violence, mental strain, resource insecurity ... those things are much harder to navigate when your brain isn't equipped for them, and when you're also still trying to learn the basics of math. Becoming an adult generally only gets harder for those lucky enough to have a family that actually took care of them; for many children, growing up and having adult responsibilities is a small price to pay for freedom.

[@stealingoctober]

Every problem is brand new for kids/teenagers. At 30, you've managed the stress of not getting enough sleep and have coping mechanisms in place to handle the symptoms that come with it. But toddlers just know something is wrong and they don't feel good and when they scream the big comfort humans will fix it. Teens are going through so many first times and every single one is the most stressful thing they've ever experienced because it is *the most stressful thing they've ever experienced*. What felt like the world ending at 14 *was* the world ending then, but as an adult you know how to handle the situation. Adult stress may be more complicated and immediate,, but the kids are *feeling* it the exact same way.

[@pixality7902]

Living with my parents was the most stressful time in my life, and I've gone through a lot of shit. Having no agency or control over my life and what I could do, was far more stressful for me. I have trouble relating to people and making friends because my parents made them impossible to have. I've gotten better through a lot of work, but it has caused me a lot of problems and made a lot of things harder.

[@tell-me-a-story-]

To be fair, Super Nanny is way stricter on the parents than on the kids.

[@blaineyeamlak]

Sh!t fathers hate to see Jo frost coming

[@thought_bug]

I appreciate that she encourages parents be take responsibility

[@OneEyeShadow]

But to be fair in the other direction: The parents can just say "screw this" and kick her out if they don't like it.

[@o.m9514]

She is!!!! That is what I liked. Fairly.

[@Moocow2003]

As someone who was a child when Supernanny was airing, she exists in this weird space in my mind where 'calling Supernanny' was a common threat for misbehaving children (and god did i feel embarrassed about the children on the show - I was very glad to think that I wasn't bad enough to end up on TV!) but also was the first time that I was taught that the parents are responsible for their children's behaviour. I wonder how the children who WERE 'bad enough to end up on TV' felt about it at the time, and how they feel about it now. Even though the show focused its criticism on parents, it's undeniable that these childrens emotional outbursts were used as entertainment for thousands of strangers.

[@cb-akp]

love this video! i remember being a child and feeling like the casual violation of my everyday boundaries was deeply wrong but whenever i would voice these concerns i was told “you'll understand when you're older.” as an adult now, i still feel the exact same way as i did then and i believe children in western society qualify as a kind of underclass. in my undergrad studies i've had the opportunity to speak with Anishinaabe scholars who described an Indigenous method of child rearing they called “shaping” or “molding” which affords children a much greater degree of freedom and agency. a perfect example was when one of my professors was lecturing over zoom and her 7 year old niece came into the room and sat next to her on her bench. my professor turned the moment into a teaching opportunity and told us (i'm paraphrasing) “normally, you’d expect a professor to tell the child to leave the room because they’re very busy with important business, but why should i? she's not disrupting my lecture and none of the material is inappropriate for her, so she can stay as long as she wants.” it was truly eye opening made me question a lot of social norms we uphold around controlling children. unfortunately there isn’t much scholarship on this specific topic, but it's fascinating and really stuck with me.

[@born2hula325]

We have a major issue as a society with big things that affect everyone not deserving sympathy or support because, well, “everyone has to deal with it”. Childhood, puberty, first loves, even aging. We’re supposed to just be able to handle these things with 0 support because “everyone goes through it.”

[@Animalsarefamily-p2n]

Such a good point. It’s like teens will be trying their best to figure out how to handle new scary life experiences & adults will laugh at them 😕

[@Meowzio]

Just because everyone goes through it doesn't mean we should!

[@born2hula325]

@@Animalsarefamily-p2n It makes me think about Romeo and Juliet and other famous old love stories - they often focus on very young protagonists because they recognised that nobody loves quite as intensely as someone in their first romance, and that the audience would be able to relate to how that felt. And now teenage love is to be mocked, derided and scorned, even though we all know how it feels first-hand. I saw a guy on reddit literally yesterday mocking his daughter for going through an "emo phase" JUST like he did, and documenting all the ways he taunts and insults her and its like... would you have appreciated that at her age?

[@wmhfv992]

And just because everyone goes through it does not mean it sucks any less when it happens! First heartbreaks, first big career disappointments, first deaths of loved ones. They are all difficult no matter what and there is no "wrong" way to feel. We lose nothing by giving our compassion.

[@dontburstmybubble686]

I think that is stupid bc if "everyone goes through it," you should know what to say by now????

[@DarlingDemonFriend]

Between the ages of 1-3, I did not make anything easy for my parents. I stopped taking naps when I was about 10 months old (still can’t take naps to this day), and the signs of my ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and autism started showing quickly. I would have breakdowns if we left somewhere without my parents giving me a ten minute warning. According to my dad, I was ridiculously strong, and it would take both him and my mom to just get me buckled into my car seat. My older brother is only two years older than me, and my parents wanted to have my younger brother 2 years after me, but had to wait three because of how… headstrong… I was. We all laugh about how I used to act now, and my parents always correct me whenever I say I was difficult by saying “you weren’t difficult, you just do things differently and we had to learn how to help you.” This is how it should be done, instead of publicly humiliating your child or hitting them, take the time to understand them.

[@theotherther1]

As an autistic girl in the 90s, I got bullied a lot, to the point I remember few of my classmates besides the ones who went out of the way to bully me. Teachers would just tell me shit like "He's just teasing you because he likes you" or "Ignore him and he'll stop!" Flash forward to adult life-a coworker sexually harassed me while I was cleaning the bathroom, I punched him in the face, went out screaming about what he said to me to everyone in the vicinity and got him fired. An ex groped me in his car? Launch a campus police investigation. I remember being surprised the university actually did things about it, since I just recently became an adult. I do not put up with shit from adults now that I'm one. Get rid of the asshole or I quit.

[@baylienixon6919]

Seriously. It’s amazing how people take my feelings seriously now that I’m a tax-paying, money making, independent, consooming adult 😒

[@Window4503]

I'm a stranger, but I'm proud of you. I was afraid that the rest of the story would go "so I froze up and let him get away with it" since not everyone (autistic or not) learns that it's ok to defend yourself. Keep up the fight. I'll be taking inspiration.

[@PonyJarCollector]

Dude made a move and you called the police. Lmao autistic is right. Poor guy

[@jetanimations]

I’ve talked to my own mother about this, as a kid she’d often hit us with slippers and belts, anything she can get her hands on really. Every new years she’d say how she’s sorry for any bad treatment of us during the year and vows to do better in the next year; a few years back I asked if she felt sorry for the way she used to beat us, even verbally abuse me specifically, She didn’t. She felt justified in everything she had said and done because we were “difficult” children. One reason she will be going on my no contact list. My father also used to hit us, unlike my mother he has never faked an apology or even given any at all, but I have a closer connection to him because he actually changed. He stoped hitting us, he was never verbally abusive, and is often the one to stand up for us unlike my mother. It’s incredibly important to listen to children, they are often a unheard voice and because of that they are often subjects to abusive treatment due to “behavioral issues” that are directly related to their treatment which causes a cycle of abuse. I’m aspiring to be a daycare worker in order give children the voice they deserve in our own little safe space.

[@mv4624]

As someone whose been hit as a kid I can admit the only thing it really did was give me an inability to handle my emotions as an adult :/

[@thought_bug]

So sorry that happened to you :(

[@Felix-jo7nj]

i'm sorry that happened :( unfortunately it's really well studied that aversive methods like that have extreme emotional/mental alterations, esp if it results in cptsd which completely rewires the brain in several ways the same way ptsd does a soldier. i wish those studies were made more publicly seen and new parents were sent home with paperwork that tells you about studies proving what methods are mostly harmful.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@Felix-jo7nj yes, and which methods are effective but not (as) harmful as well, and emphasise that you need to be consistent as possible. Predictability/consistency helps kids with their sense of stability.

[@samus598]

I just confronted my mom about it... she acted like I was victimizing her. She has always been a "suck it up" parent, never offered any emotional support, and always acted like I'm pretending with my mental health issues. I'm expecting a boy, and will never leave him alone with her. She refuses to take responsibility for the harm that came from her conditional love and anger issues.

[@courtney9899]

Same :/

[@agrest4068]

I remember when I was younger and my friend would come and say he was being beaten and even that his brother was threatened that his skull would be smashed with a hammer if he doesn't do something. It was their mother's boyfriend that was abusive and their mother did not believe them. I saw it happen with him having a busted lip just cuz he didn't flash the water in the toilet. He'd talk to me about running away and I was younger than him, so I didn't know what to do, so I went to my parents. They didn't bat an eye on it like they didn't believe it and so he lived with an abuser until tragedy happened. Literally that psycho was drunk again and set their house on fire. His mother got severely burnt and if he didn't come to my mom with a phone completely panicked, idk what would've happened. At first my mom thought his mother just got burnt with an oil or smth, but the truth was this guy actually poured gasoline or something like that on her and the house to burn it for some reason. No one knows why he did that but he was imprisoned for I believe just 4 years. What made me mad was when my parents discussed why didn't she say anything while literally my friend was telling me a lot of what happened and I TOLD my parents but they didn't listen.

[@crypkid2276]

I can speak on this somewhat as a former child actor for commercials and having a mommy blogger in the late 00s. I got a slight taste of what children of family vloggers go through and I can confidently say that having a literal job from ages 6 to 8 has impacted my development into adulthood majorly. I had my struggles scrutinised by a niche audience while needing to maintain a very weird sense of discipline to be able to be worked "with" on sets. My mom is a character into herself and there were other factors to why I struggled so much during my formative years and even now in adulthood, especially as a neurodivergent person. Fun fact: You gotta have a representive for animal's rights on sets when filming with dogs, as much as their handlers are also present. Children only have their parents. The same parents managing their career where the power imbalance is obviously very uneven.

[@melissabennett6571]

Thanks for talking about this. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to realize that many adults simply don’t view kids as people.

[@ER-ge9hr]

33:26 Could be a physical health issue too! Chronic fatigue, malaise, etc can be caused by MANY things - autoimmune disorders, hormonal changes/issues, heart/blood diseases, breathing issues, brain injuries, and even tumors/cancers. This comment is not to scare anyone. You may just be a person who is a bit more tired than others. If it’s causing a problem in your life and ability to function, speak to a doctor if you can. Be easy on yourself- labeling ourselves with words like “lazy” don’t usually make us feel better. Rest when you can/need ❤

[@Felix-jo7nj]

being neurodivergent can also cause more fatigue, esp if you're adhd you are more prone to bouts of depression due to serotonin imbalance and thus exhaustion as well or being a day bird when you're wired to sleep for night time. i do recommend talking to doctors and specialists. it took me years to find out i can have other issues like potential auto immune stuff affecting things like exhaustion/inability to do physical things now.

[@pattersondh]

My thoughts exactly. If things are this difficult, you need to see a doctor.

[@LordofFullmetal]

Everything you said is so true. I’ve always said we dehumanise children to a scary degree, and then wonder why they get mistreated. Think about the things we’ve all heard people say about kids - that they should be banned from public spaces, that they don’t deserve privacy, etc - and imagine saying that about ANY other group of people. Imagine how society would react. What boggles my mind is that many of these same people are against terminating pregnancies because “the embryo is a person” but then they don’t treat them like people once they’re born. We should not be treating human children the same way we treat dogs.

[@autiethoughties6898]

I've actually found myself in arguments with people who think dogs should be allowed in cafés because children are. As if they consider a dog to be at some sort of intermediate level between adults and children.

[@melissacooper8724]

Sometimes, I think that some people treat their dogs better than they treat human children!

[@skysiren4113]

I've been rewatching a lot of Supernanny clips recently and I was taken aback by just how many instances of not only the kids being in distress while a camera is shoved in their faces, but the parents being abusive and the show or people making it don't intervene or get professional help Just to name one example the Bowerlock family. The mother not only would constantly be shown grabbing her kids roughly and even went as far as to grab her daughter's face, but even at one point made one of them eat soap. It's pretty obvious that the family needs professional help but instead, a bunch of cameras is shoved in the kid's faces while their mother is hurting them and no one intervenes or even tries to stop it even when it's clear that the kids safety is in danger I don't think a lot of people realize just how dangerous this is for the kids, just telling parents like this to use the naughty step isn't going to magically fix everything, especially with abuse this dire. From what I've heard about the Bowerlock family specifically apparently the mother continued her abuse which eventually led to the husband divorcing her. And they're not the only case, there are multiple examples of parents or parents being emotionally, verbally, or in worse cases physically abusive towards the kids and need professional help or be charged, but they instead get broadcasted for the world to see while doing nothing

[@janaekelis]

im so glad when i check an update and the family got CPS called on them after the show or the parents separated. although some parents dont learnt from their experience on the show. there was a family where the mom wanted even more kids. in her update, they divorced but she remarried and continued making more kids

[@yeet1066]

Plus that episode where supernanny brings in an ABA "therapist" who denies an autistic child food unless he said a word.... that's fucked up idc what anyone says

[@ixagonczi]

​@@yeet1066 They did that?? Wtf is wrong with this world. As a autistic person, most of those aba therapy stuff is horrifying. There is a autistic person who made a really good video about it. Don't remember the channel name sadly

[@Ikajo]

​@@yeet1066 Supernanny in general was severely ignorant about neurodivergence and didn't care that being neurodivergent makes your brain work differently.

[@pinokosthewife]

​@@yeet1066I never heard of that one, how terrible!

[@horse14t]

My mom still pulls the "I am your mother, you don't yell at your mother" or "You don't tell your mother to shut up" cards whenever I finally snap at her when she pisses me off, even though I am now an adult... And then she wonders why I have anxiety and have a hard time standing up for myself (especially with her). I'm thankful for my dad because I can always talk to him about how frustrated I get with my mom and, unlike my mom, we have a nice, pleasant conversation about it. It always frustrated me how my mom took the easy "shut it down" route instead of asking me why I yelled or told her to shut up.. Even after giving multiple warnings that what she was saying/doing was bothering me.

[@caramel9154]

oh wow she's just basically trying to deny your emotions

[@MichaelJoeJackson-vs9nb]

Your mom is just like my mom, but even worse, because she feels entitled to tell me what to do just because I a m autistic. Can you believe that?

[@MichaelJoeJackson-vs9nb]

Also, I'm 30, but emotionally stunted, not sure why, I think it's the fact I'm autistic, but I'm not really sure. All I know is I love her, but my mom's parenting style sucks. I don't think she ever truly listens to me and doesn't care too, either. And well, she's always expected a lot from me ever since I was little. It hurts to talk about, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest.

[@onyx_mango]

literally same but with my dad. he mocks me for not standing up for myself but then yells at me and humiliates me when i do 🤷

[@thelastleocorn7979]

When i see on the news that a kid committed suicide, and the parents are brought on, I wonder how much they contributed.

[@RedNymph234]

My brother overdosed on drugs and died. He lived with my parents. It's been a secret in my heart that I truly believe my parents, especially my mom, contributed to his drug use. He did drugs because he was anxious and lost, and mom screaming at him that he was a loser sure didn't help....

[@mynameisreallycool1]

Most of the time, the parents do contribute to it a bit.

[@RabbitHasRabies1997]

The one where the kid committed and the parents blamed it on a.i chats…

[@solarichan]

@@RabbitHasRabies1997ngl, that’s a huge barf moment. The parents obv had to be part of that reason

[@solarichan]

Last week I was going to end my own life but I was rushed to the ER instead. It was like 2 in the morning. My parents were acting all nice and understanding during the whole ordeal but when I got sent back home, that night my dad was yelling at me because of it actually actively made my life worse by blaming everything that happens on me. My younger sister said she felt scared and he said it was my fault and yelled at me and slept in MY room. Also let’s not mention the time when I was 7 where he tried to drown me by shoving my head down a toilet while I wasn’t wearing anything and beat me(mind you this is because I didn’t feel comfortable about using the bathroom around my mom after she took me a bath, but my dad WASN’T in there, he just jumped in because he felt like it). That’s a sneak peek on how he treated me over the years but imagine if I actually got the chance to alt+F4 myself then

[@pavarottiaardvark3431]

A terrifying but illuminating read is the book "To Train Up a Child", which is literally the go-to manual for this kind of authoritarian (abusive) parenting in America. It advocates not just violence, but a total denial of any autonomy of self for the child. Perhaps it's most famous victim was Rachel Dolezal, the woman who pretended to be black out of a desperate need to find some kind of identity and community. The book is heavily promoted in many parts of the evangelical community, and is advocated for by the Duggar Family.

[@neonradius]

This book has unfortunately been linked to multiple deaths. It’s hard to definitively say that the book “caused” their deaths, as physical abuse existed far before this book was published, but it’s still horrifying to think that a book like this has contributed to the death of a child. One of the most infuriating things about it is that the authors blame parents for misconstruing their advice, instead of any self reflection. I compare that to Stephen King’s reaction to the fear that his book hurt someone- King wrote a book called Rage about school shootings before they were common, and pulled it off the shelves when they became more prevalent because he was terrified that his books could even potentially cause real life violence or be associated with it. Yet when your book is definitively tied to the abuse of children, and links the deaths of several children, you take no responsibility? So cruel and disgusting (one article on the deaths is “Did Hana’s parents ‘train’ her to death?” from the Seattle Times, it also has the part from the author about how parents “misconstrue” his advice, just as a sort of citation for what I mentioned since people lie in youtube comments all the time)

[@LalaWatches]

Evangelicals are the ones pushing for "parental rights" including using laws to force other parents to raise kids "their way". They're monsters

[@bunn__y]

I remember seeing one of those Jo Frost shows where the kid was entering beauty pageants and the way the show showed her as bratty was to show her knowing the prices of the clothes she was wearing. I think that was the moment when I realised for the first time how manipulative these shows were. I don't remember all the details but I just felt so bad for the girl.

[@Kalani_Saiko]

I remember a wife swap episode a little like that. A 15-16 year old girl was in pageants and she seemed like a really sweet kid. The show, however, tried to depict her as a spoiled brat who gets presents everyday because her family had a Christmas tree set up all year round. The Christmas tree was there as a memorial to her deceased grandmother and she didn't get presents every day. The show also allegedly staged scenes to make her look even worse to the audience such as her mom doing her homework and stuff. She was ridiculed so much after the airing that she had to change schools. A few years ago she had an incident with police and the tabloids were all over it because of the show.

[@FrostFall0261]

Every time I think of supernanny, I think of this one episode where a little girl won’t stay in bed. It’s sooooo obvious that somethings wrong and she’s looking for comfort, specifically going to her parents rather than sneaking around or playing. She’s crying and trying to stay with them. But instead of, I dunno, asking her what’s wrong and working through it together as a family, all jo does is tell the parents they have to be harder on her and MAKE her stay in bed. I don’t know why it’s so hard to understand that kids are people, too, just little ones who are still figuring things out. Instead of encouraging open dialog with the children and therefore teaching them emotional regulation and how to articulate their feelings, it’s only ever about control

[@Michelle-s2z6l]

I was put into foster care in elementary school, it became extremely clear to me that adults don't care about children nor do they understand them. My grades plummeted when i was put into foster care, and i wasn't allowed to have my migraine medicine, and the school therapist thought it would be a grand idea to give me a book on grief so id be afraid my mother would die before i got home, i even got a bruise on my arm from the foster father grabbing me. Luckily i only spent three or four months there,but at 24 i still have no faith in adults, and that belief is compounded working in fast food.

[@shreddiekirin3864]

I remember giving a episode of Super Nanny a watch recently for the first time, and I was absolutely horrified by it. The episode had two teenage daughters being forced to parent two young sons, and being the ones to call the nanny for help. When I saw the boys go into a meltdown, one likely an autistic meltdown, I was mad because I wanted them to get the camera crew, these strangers, out of their home. And in the end for the “yay thank you so much we’re a fixed family now”, one of the teenage girls was clearly upset and had been crying, and it really hit me how nothing had changed except that the abusive and neglectful parents had just been given another tool to control their children with.

[@justanothercomment]

The way so many other adults seem to just not see kids as people honestly astounds me. It wounded me as a kid, and it enrages me now. The small humans of the world deserve so much better!!

[@thedeathangeltda]

Memento mori

[@mladen7641]

It's horrifying how often kids get punished for being kids. Recently I was in a bus and a kid was just talking about random stuff, as kids do, but his parent screamed at him to shut up. The kid wasn't even being that loud and the parent caused a larger commotion than the kid.

[@thatoneravenclaw7001]

back when i was in year 11 my school introduced a rule where instead of having to ask to go to the toilet (which was already annoying enough), they flat out said nobody could even go *unless they had a medical issue which had been diagnosed and which was known about by the school*. all this bs was only because a few people had been messing around in the toilets during lessons?? like. luckily i only had to put up with that for about 2 months before sixth form (in which they basically didnt care as long as you didnt disappear for like 10/15 minutes or more) but i feel like kids shouldnt have to have medical issues to be able to go take a piss. surely that should be illegal????????

[@thought_bug]

That’s soooo outrageous

[@YouveBeenMegged]

Hell, aren’t there medical issues that you can end up _causing_ that way?

[@Austin-gj7zj]

Also like menstruation is a thing. Do we then have to diagnose half the school body with "owning a uterus"??

[@thatoneravenclaw7001]

@@Austin-gj7zj either that or kids would have to tell teachers they were on their periods. which theyre not gonna do. *especially* to male teachers. i only knew one teacher who let girls go to the toilet every time because of the possibility they were menstruating. every other teacher mustve just...expected you to tell them so they could let you go. one or two teachers didn't follow this no-going-to-the-toilet rule every time. most did though, and one teacher (who was otherwise actually quite nice) was really adamant about it. i can think of two teachers who i didnt have but definitely would have from what i know about them

[@slavishentity6705]

Reinforce adult feeling of power. Reduce child dignity. These are the guiding principles of school rules.

[@huntercoleherr]

Not a single person who willfully participated in these shows cared one shit about kids.

[@mynameisreallycool1]

I agree. Any parent who is willing to embarrass their child on TV for a profit hates their children and doesn't care about their well-being.

[@Justarosebush]

14:32 my mama did this once, she never shared it or showed anyone. But one time I was having a meltdown over schoolwork, homeschooled and undiagnosed adhd plus anxiety disorder. I was sobbing, and my mom started mocking and replicating my crying, I still don’t remember why. I insisted it wasn’t what I looked like and she took a recording of me crying to show me. I’m still self conscious about how I look when I cry because of this experience, even if it wasn’t shared. I could NEVER imagine how it feels to have something like that broadcasted. No child should ever be put on tv or online like that, it’s just abuse.

[@pinokosthewife]

I experienced the same awful stuff, the recording and mocking imitations. SO disgusting and repulsive.

[@apersonwhohasnothing]

My parents used to pretend to record me while I was having mental breakdowns and would threaten to send the videos to our relatives. It didn't stop shit though and I tried my best to snatch the phone every time which ended with me getting beaten up. Quite a common tactic among parents unfortunately. Along with the threats of calling the police and admitting to mental hospitals as well. All because of crying like a child. Like little Kids who don't have the ability to regulate emotions properly like adults.(I guess adults don't either) I can't begin to imagine how those kids must have felt with their faces being plastered all over media because of this.

[@ariariaris]

Dude this gave me a very vivid brainblast moment to a really awful period of my life. Is imitating your kid’s cries to mock them a common thing?? The last time my mom beat me it was really bad, probably the worst in years. I was 14 and it ended with me me hyperventilating-sobbing on the floor in the fetal position for a long while, couldn’t calm down until she stopped mocking me and yelling at me to stop crying and finally left. Whole ordeal lasted around 3 hours. She promised she wouldn’t hit me again and to her credit she didn’t, but I guess the sound of my breakdown sobbing for hours was just too damn funny because even though they never did it to my face, I could hear my mom and my sister make the sound at each other and laugh in other rooms around the house for months after the event.

[@Justarosebush]

@@ariariaris I am SO SORRY oml, did not mean to trigger anything, that’s awful.

[@ariariaris]

@@Justarosebush No worries it was more illuminating really, I didn’t know it was like a “thing”. I don’t think that anything online like this in relation to abuse can really trigger me thankfully! These sort of videos and discussions are part of what helped me realize and process the fact that I had been and was being abused and I still realize so many things even now! Life was difficult for me as an undiagnosed but very obviously neurodivergent (ASD) little girl. I’m still healing, but I’m in a good place now.

[@baphomex668]

I was a picky eater and i find so weird how angry addults used to get at me for not liking ONIONS. Like, my parents and older brother would legit give me something with onions and then get all ofended and surprised when i coulnd't eat it without almost puking. They would pack me lunches for school with stuff that I couldn't eat and then they would get mad that i didn't ate it. One time my dad made me pick my lunch from the trash and he made me eat it in front of him, with bits of dust and trash and everything. The only thing that he achieved with that was that i became sneaky and I learned how to hide food, how to eat whitout chewing by swallowing my food with water to avoid the taste, so they thought that i was finally eating when i was literally starving. Now i have an awfull relationship with food and very disordered food habits that i can hide magestically because my parents made me a hiding food ninja because their minds couldnt grasp the idea that onion made me want to puke

[@xletragedyx]

My mom would say "how did you know there were onions? I cut them so small you can't taste them!" I would reply, "if you can't taste them, then why are you adding them?" I like onions now but like.... what a stupid justification. Of course I can taste onions in my food 🙄

[@baphomex668]

@xletragedyx ohh shit, yess, the whole "omg you can't even taste it!" I have this memory of my brother makig me close my eyes while I was eating because he though that If i didn,'t see the onion then i would magically ignore the taste beacause i was exagerating. Or my mom being like "Haha the soup has blended onion, gotcha, see how you are faking it?" like no shit sherlock of course i can notice that the soup tastes like onion, but my problem is the texture, not the flavor itself. Its not the same biting a raw onion than having some onion powder, the taste profille becomes way nicer

[@creeper7ech520]

​@@baphomex668I have gotten into four hour shouting matches with my parents because of this very issue

[@Corgipon]

I’m literally the same way with onions (except spring onions and onion powder). Hate the taste, hate the texture, hate the smell, both raw and cooked ones. I think it could be because of me being autistic and having food aversions that plays a role.

[@Moocow2003]

​@@xletragedyx that's something I could understand for a more neutral vegetable like courgette, but onions??

[@mollyburn4279]

when i worked with primary children, i had a child disclose physical abuse to me (his father was smacking him, which is illegal in all respects here in scotland). proper protocol was for me to tell my manager, who would then contact social services and the police. However, my manager was friends with the boys mum, so before she contacted social services, she also told the mother what had been said (obviously, putting the child in danger). After this, the child refused to speak about his home life at all, and would cry at the slightest thing. I think its safe to assume that he was punished for telling me what happened. I left that place not long after, partly due to the managers (who was also the owner) actions.

[@pooplenepe59]

spank the manager and spank the boys mum instead

[@LalaWatches]

The entire idea behind "tell the parents everything" like with LGBTQ kids for example is to protect abusive parents like this thinking that "discipline" will fix them.

[@milfrillz]

child marriage (with parent permission) is still legal in the usa. between 2000 and 2015 there were 6 cases of 12 year olds and 51 cases of 13 year olds getting married. 86% of our child marriages are between a legal adult and a minor,,,

[@miro.georgiev97]

One has to wonder why a parent _would_ consent to such an arrangement. Are they really so ignorant of the problematic implications _inherent_ to an adult-minor relationship? Even if they are, that level of ignorance is still inexcusable. But leave it to America being a world leader in bizarre and awful things like child marriage and gun deaths and not in wonderful and wholesome things like universal healthcare and affordable housing and education.

[@demo2823]

And what's the percentage where the minor is the girl? Child marriage is predominantly misogyny.

[@demo2823]

​@@miro.georgiev97Often the relationship is set up by the parent. Teen girls feeling pressured by their parents asking what they think of their creepy rich friend from church, inviting the man over, watching him put his hand on her thigh while having coffee with the parents in their home. And even if they did not set up the relationship themselves, they often set up the marriage if a pregnancy results from this unhealthy power dynamic.

[@pooplenepe59]

There really is no justice while we live in a world where these things happen. It makes me sick.

[@thehypnosisworld]

26:11 I didn’t know I was SA’D at five through six until I was twelve. I had learned what rape was and I finally learned the hazy traumatic experience I went through that my mind kept writhing off as a dream because I couldn’t remember a lot of it or what got me near that family member in the first place or shit remember his face was real. I then quickly realized that that was why men scared me half to death, it took me two years to formulate what I was going through and actually tell my mother when she was talking about how I broke the “generational curse” in which every woman in my family from a certain age range has been SA’D I told her out of guilt while breaking down. I step forward and tell this to say your kids may have gone through something and don’t have the knowledge to explain what it is so they might rationalize it. Please protect your kids and provide them with knowledge of the dangers that may befall them in a child friendly way.

[@coopigeon619]

As somebody who was also SA'd from about 16 to 21...I completes empathize with you..I'm so sorry you have had that experience..It took me a long time to speak out too. I'm proud of you for speaking up even if it was hard. *offers internet hugs*

[@thehypnosisworld]

@ thank you for the hugs

[@animefreak1149]

I definitely felt like property as a child growing up and I’ve definitely noticed that children don’t really have any rights or as many rights like adults do. …and that does disturb me…

[@TheMonarchofMonarchs933]

As a teenager I would often say "You don't have human rights till 18" or "children have the same rights as livestock". Human rights should be for everyone. When people can notice they don't have any there's a problem.

[@seagaulle]

I was never abused but I could still feel this sentiment when I was a child. So many things were done to me and my peers that wouldn’t fly if we were adults.

[@slavishentity6705]

@@TheMonarchofMonarchs933 In my school, at lunch time, we have one hour to eat, except most of it ( ~50 minutes ) will be spent "waiting in line" which is actually being squeezed and crushed against a bunch of other people pushing each other. If you want to eat and not be late to class, you literally have to either push people or sneak past them. Meanwhile teachers have priority, they have their own little door from which they can cut in front of the line to get their food directly. Of course. You're not going to treat adults like cattle, they have dignity. Of course, that's not the only thing wrong with how under 18s are treated in this school and outside, but I believe it contributes to creating the environment in which one of my acquaintances has been told "you're just a student, you have no rights" by a teacher.

[@AshCinis]

I feel like I didn't start becoming a person until I was like 16 years old (which is when I got my autism diagnosis). Before that, everything I did was defined by my parents and their expectations of me.

[@irlANG3L]

Such an interesting video! I remember as a child watching these shows and feeling a weird sense of discomfort that I couldn’t place at the time, but I feel like it was a bit of second hand embarrassment? I can’t even imagine having my own childhood being put on display like that and I’m beyond glad it never was.

[@ohnothepossum]

Maybe you felt cringe lol

[@tell-me-a-story-]

Hating children should be just as socially unacceptable as racism and sexism.

[@thought_bug]

👏 👏 👏

[@furrydbz]

There's a word for that called ageism actually

[@mynameisreallycool1]

​​@@furrydbz True, but I find that ageism isn't taken very seriously, unless it's aimed at middle aged or elderly people, at least nowadays. You can bully literal children and teens on tiktok by making insane generalizations about them all being "stupid" or "badly behaved", but god forbid someone call out or poke fun at middle aged people in any sort of way without thousands of people defending them and calling you bitter and ageist.

[@furrydbz]

@@mynameisreallycool1 The internet does a fair share of both tbh

[@artvulture456]

It's honestly disturbing how many people dislike children. Not wanting them- fine. But actively getting angry when a child exists public? When I hear a child cry I think "poor kid" and move on. Disturbing this is getting normalized.

[@AnonYmous-mc5zx]

"Your self esteem is a result of how people treat you." Thank you foe saying this. I've had to explain to people time and time again that self esteem isn't just a switch people turn on. It comes from having a strong, supporting social network.

[@neonradius]

I’m lucky in the sense that I had great parents (they were imperfect, but I think my mom is probably one of the best parents you can realistically have). But one thing that always stuck with me was my mom (an emergency room nurse) complaining about how parents at her work would get kids to stop crying by saying “if you don’t stop crying, that nurse/doctor is going to give you a lot of shots”. It would make her mad for a lot of reasons, but I could never get over just how mean that felt. To look at a child crying in the hospital (a scary place even if they aren’t hurt) and threaten to punish them with needles, something that even adults are afraid of? It’s so casually cruel in a way that I think even parents don’t fully consider when they say it.

[@autiethoughties6898]

I'm only a checkout assistant, and I regularly get parents pointing at me and telling their children 'That lady's watching you and she's going to tell you off!' I've started just looking at the kid and mouthing 'Don't worry, I won't'. Tell off your own children, don't make me the villain.

[@ivanr2118]

as a child, my mom would film my meltdowns. she would taunt me and tell me how she was going to post the video to facebook, all my relatives would see, all my classmates would see, etc. i would always get more upset, pushing her away and screaming. she only ever stopped taunting or filming when i would sit down and be quiet. i’d have to wait with tears streaming down my face before she deemed me “calmed down enough” and left. this has caused me a lot of problems at my current age. i struggle with verbalizing my emotions, and even moreso with identifying those emotions as valid and deserving of acknowledgment. i shut down in conflict, i become avoidant. i can only image these kids feel a little bit like i did. i wasn’t even really a bad child. i was just loud and stubborn

[@georgeetboom7719]

I still don’t get how there’s no school for adults and how to bring up kids, like people are having children in the wild, with no training 😮

[@baylienixon6919]

Yet you need a license to fish or own a dog 🙄

[@georgeetboom7719]

@ 😂 when you put it like that, mental ain’t it.

[@poltergeistghost]

No human being “should be seen an not heard”

[@PonyJarCollector]

There are plenty that dont even need to be seen

[@antidotebrain69]

I'm a child free woman who grew up a conservative religious environment. I understood children need to be shown courtesy as fellow human beings, and fully support the upholding of children's rights, but I'm also well aware of my limits when dealing with children. So, I strive to limit interactions with children as much as possible. One thing I do agree with the online community about, is that we really need child free spaces and times outside of bars, casinos, and more risque adult activities. Give children their dedicated 3rd spaces back, and firmly establish areas of the real world and internet that they don't belong on. Sorry for rambling.

[@wareforcoin5780]

I'm completely with you. Children aren't my strength even though they love me. I have a sense of humor that delights adults, but might hurt a child's feelings. I have mental health struggles as well, making me unpredictable, and therefore unsuitable to the task of raising children. I know I'm not mother or even babysitter material, and everyone tries to push me to be a parent.

[@rainpooper7088]

To add to this, have certain internet spaces, even ones that aren't NSFW, actually crack down on children using them. Currently, those age limits only exist to cover the website hosts' asses and are easily circumvented by just… lying about your age. I've actually had a child I talked to in passing on a Discord server platonically come on to me and try to reveal very personal information about their life just because I took the time out of my day to read a story they had written. I had to sit them down, give them the internet stranger danger talk about being careful what you tell grown adults (especially on Discord) about yourself and end the contact. A few years later, I got one more message from them thanking me for being a reasonable adult in that situation and giving them the talk when no one else did because they realized how badly this situation could have turned out for their past self.

[@antidotebrain69]

@rainpooper7088 exactly. The amount of very young children who are on platforms that are supposed to be for adults or even just older teens is really dangerous. The amount of incidents that have been happening just over KZbin because of Adults and Children sharing the same platforms are ridiculous.

[@FaeChild8478]

I'm a young woman who does want to be a mum, and I completely agree! I hate bars/clubs/etc, but I still want to meet people my age. I also want children to have safe places made for them outside of school and kinder. Third spaces need to be made an affordable thing again

[@ThylineTheGay]

@@rainpooper7088 on the other hand, there should be online spaces that kids can access _safely,_ particularly if they don't have a space IRL IE, just removing access to 'social media' (in the broadest sense of that term) without a suitable alternative _will_ harm people

[@FlareFighters]

In the US it's legal in a few states to marry at 16 with "Parental Consent" - but divorce is Illegal no matter what until you're 18.

[@Kanabless]

what??

[@thought_bug]

That is insane

[@JaydenAltDreamer]

This is true. Child marriage is only completely illegal in about 7 states. Most allow marriage at 16, and a few have even less age restrictions with parents consent. All politicians no matter the side have pushed back against anyone trying to make all states have it only be 18 I believe. And of course most cases are of young girls marrying old men

[@demo2823]

Honestly divorce should have no age on it. Just in case you have a foreign legal marriage between immigrant minors. The fact that they put it there suggests it's intentional because the 16 year old is now the property of the 60 year old.

[@kyoyameganebereznoff]

When I was little, I had a tendency towards meltdowns (as an adult, I found out I have ADHD and that explained a lot of my behavior when I was younger). My parents once decided to try something they had read about in the newspaper. The next time I had a meltdown, they pulled out the camcorder and started filming me, telling they’d show it to me later and show me how ridiculous I was acting. I immediately felt super embarrassed, which made my meltdown worse, so I went to my room to get away. However, they followed me, even as I went to hide in the corner between the wall and my bed. They stood in front of my only way out and continued to film. I still have a vivid memory of the bright light shining on the camcorder. They never made me watch it, they never showed it to anyone else, and they never did it again, but I still feel sick thinking about it 20+ years later. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have that broadcast on international television.

[@demo2823]

The fact that you walked away when they showed up with cameras and told you to stop shows that you, despite being a child, were doing your best to manage your emotions' impact on others, even when you could not experience the emotion themselves. That is the same as an angry adult removing themselves from the situation to take a breather. And that level of control and responsibility is not a burden a child should have to carry. Congrats on being more mature than your parents as a child.

[@iseemtobelost]

18:02 this is such an important point, especially since it can affect these kids well into their futures. I know people who became very self-reliant because they more or less raised themselves, or became extreme people-pleasers since their parents were physically abusive. A kid acting out or misbehaving could also be a sign of a physical health issue. I fought with my siblings almost constantly when I was a preteen, because they were bored and bothered me for my reactions, and I didn’t take it well since I was tired and in pain almost 24/7. I still remember in summer camp, watching another counselor take a kid’s water bottle from him since he’d refill it at least three or four times a day and understandably interrupt to ask to go to the bathroom often. Under my watch he’d get as much as he wanted. Who knows what he had going on? It just took a few seconds to help him find his way to the water fountain or bathroom and wait outside, and he’d actually be funny and friendly instead of cranky. I saw lots of this kind of restricting and callousness at those camps, and if I ever have children, they definitely aren’t going to the places I worked.

[@aff77141]

Idc how often it is, restricting water access in a literal summer camp is crazy 💀 💀 💀 💀

[@samalass466]

I feel like someone who was self reliant and self raiisng from a very young age. I’m 20 now, but I remember thinking about how I should save for anapartment in order to move out eventually when I was 12. This lesd to me burning myself out for years making internet money (I actually made a few grands). I also at later ages took responsbility for my own issues, goals in kind and learning how to get a license/job.it was all nearly self reliant. It feels like I got sheltered and my parents still try to just because I’m autistic. I have been relentlessly infantalized for it and not allowed to grow up so I’ve always had a strong desire to push back.

[@notubercharged]

i can absolutely understand Jo not having kids, when you work with kids and then also having to come back to kids it can get tiring

[@mummytrolls]

when i was a school kid i was bullied for photos my dad posted of me on his public facebook. he is not famous at all so i can only imagine how bad the bullying is when it isn’t just your neighbors seeing embarrassing photos.

[@TheHopperUK]

Jason Bateman has spoken at length on his podcast about what it was like to grow up in the Hollywood spotlight from the age of about 11. He said that he struggled with self-identity, because he spent his teenage years constantly pretending to have other reactions, and pretending to be another person with different thoughts.

[@cassia7839]

As a dance teacher who has had hundreds of kids in her class I can confidently say. Children only behave "bad" when they are distressed. Having a chat and treating them as a human usually solves the problem.

[@ForTheLoveOfGums]

Sorry, a little rant: I grew up with a family obsessed with SuperNanny. Like, my grandmother, who my family lived with, would watch the show for inspirational on how to "deal with us". And it sounds real odd but as a child it made me grow a fear of the show and a hatred for the woman who was part of it because of the way my family acted because of it. Because i knew every time she'd watch it she'd treat me that way the next time I did anything out of line. My grandmother isnt abusive by any means but I was never a seriously bratty child, but they still acted as if I was a kid from the shows. Because of the show i wouldnt only be sat for hours in a corner, I would be forced to apologize but everytime i did i wouldnt be forgiven, and occasionally I would get hit. And it created like- this genuine fear whenever i would hear her watch the show. Because it never helped me as a kid, it really just made my behaviors worse

[@mollymoonfan5939]

she is abusive stop lying to yourself, the actions you described are literally abuse

[@vaughnhaney7020]

Hey just so you know Supernanny would in fact disapprove of that. She's against hitting and advocates for kids being unfairly punished. She's not perfectly but she wouldn't condone how you were treated

[@cicadaseance]

the tree remembers, the axe forgets

[@EchoEckoEkho]

I’m a parent of two kids and this video was spot on! There’s been a recent movement in more mindful parenting circles centered around “reparenting” yourself so that you don’t repeat toxic behaviors in your own parenting. Of course, even then, we see people going too far and centering themselves in this process and the child ends up being parented the way the adult wishes they were parented, rather than what the child actually needs. There’s a lot of conflicting advice and misinformation out there too.

[@alexbenavidez4500]

My mum used to be obsessed with Supernanny and Nanny 101, and even though I didn't understand why, I was absolutely mortified by those shows and hated them I was a "problem kid" growing up, as in, I had rampant undiagnosed adhd and was incredibly unstimulated and had behavioural issues for which the only examples I can think of were reading in class, climbing things and talking back I just distinctly remember one day telling my mum that if she ever put me on that show, I'd never forgive her, but I didn't have the vocabulary or understanding at the time as to why that concept upset me so much There was a lot of agency at times denied to me when I was a kid, and I only recognise now thats what often made me so frustrated, and it was lines like "I'm the adult and you're the child" and "I say jump, you say how high" that I would hear all the time There were things I were struggling with that weren't being met, and the fucking advice of this show completely failed to address it, and had me believing for a long time that I was a bad kid. Just a real piece of work that all my teachers hated. I was never violent, I didn't bully other kids, steal or break things I talked and read in class and got restless easily, that was really it.

[@ananonymousbean2731]

"Do we criticise psychologists and teachers for not having children?" Yes. Yes. They do.

[@TheMatrix-rj8rx]

It is so important that we are starting to reflect how children are treated by society, loved this video! I am not trying to equate the two and this is a bit random, but I have also been thinking a lot about how we treat animals, especially pets such as dogs like toys, and disregard their boundaries, whilst claiming we love them. So many pet owners refuse to get educated to be able to actually understand their pet’s needs and language, instead applying rigorous methods of training to force them into submission.

[@Neogeddon]

Yup. And it's not even hard. You can crash course how to interact with, for example, cats (a pet that's negatively stereotyped by a lot of people as "unloving" and "spiteful") in a way they actually like pretty quickly. I feel like for a lot of people it's just about the power trip : /

[@MsJubjubbird]

If we let our dogs and our children do whatever they want and just claim "boundaries" then we get anarchy. Gen Z are being fired from jobs in record numbers because they can't follow rules.

[@toastymarshh5159]

​@@NeogeddonProbably because they are the same people who say "Well my pet isn't biting, scratching or trying to leave, that must mean they are ok with it." Even though animals warn us in so many ways, pets shouldn't have to harm their owner so that the two brain cells finally click and understand "Oh my pet doesn't like that."

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

And that's exactly why someone who goes out of their way to tell you how they hate cats is an immediate red flag!

[@Felix-jo7nj]

this. with kids and dogs adults: 1. hit them, yell at them 2. disregard clear signs of anxiety, discomfort, etc around them or signs they are no longer comfortable around them to some or all degrees 3. immediate to jump on punishment but reluctant to give out rewards/praise and if they do want to fade the reward/praise/motivator way before they fade the punishment 4. willing to try aversive, and sometimes trauma inducing methods before they try positive methods, medicine, or a behavioralist. 5. refuses to do management in between the teaching aspects 6. bare necessities are treated as a luxury that can be taken away 7. viewed as property. hardly any difference in treatment. if you treat your dog or any other pet a certain way i will 100% you will treat your kid the same and/or vice versa more so.

[@EmberOfFire]

TLDR: Let kids outside because punishing them for something out of their control just teaches self-loathing and self-deprecating behavior 23:04 When I was in primary school, I was never allowed to go out for lunch with everyone else. I was never "Badly" behaved - in fact, I have always been scared of teachers and getting in trouble, which just got worse with age - I just wrote slower than everyone else. I was always told my work wasn't good enough and I remember being in year 6 and my teacher said to take our time "Except Ember". I was 10/11. Because of how slow I wrote, I remember feeling weird whenever I got to go to lunch with everyone else. I remember being 10 and feeling weird that I was going to lunch like a normal child because of how often I was kept behind. I remember being year 2 (6-7 years old) and I was kept inside with other kids who complained the entire time when I didn't see the issue because this was a daily occurrence for me. Now, I still haven't learnt not to be slow. I still panic when given time restraints. I still need extra time on tests. I still shut down when I'm trying to write quick because I did that when I was 7 years old and just wanted to go to lunch on time like everyone else. I still struggle to keep up even though I'm in college and can ask for support. And what was that you were saying about additional needs? I discovered at some point in secondary school that I'm autistic. Guess what? I always got some dumbass authoritarian excuse when trying to get referred for an official diagnosis. One time I think they were trying to say that they weren't going to because I'm a girl so I mask more? I don't know, they were saying something about how girl seem to mask more than boys. They still never actually gave me sufficient supports or any way to work quicker, just told me I wasn't good enough. I remember a teacher - who wasn't even my teacher, i was just visiting the school for the day - saying "That's not good enough" TO MY 10 YEAR OLD FACE and I wanted to cry, but I never said anything because it was a normal occurrence. And, as I said, I was way too anxious to ever be a "Naughty kid" but I was still treated as such. I think I missed more break and lunch than "Naughty kids" did as well. This was not meant to be so long but the thing about kids not being allowed outside reminded me of my own experiences. All this to say: I never learned anything being cooped up inside and neither will those kids. All I learnt is that I didn't deserve fun like everybody else.

[@thatonepossum5766]

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Autism can make the most random things super difficult. For me it was math. I failed algebra _three times._ Only ever got past it because I was homeschooled and we literally _gave up._ No one was ever awful to me about it (thank goodness), but that didn’t matter when I watched my peers repeatedly outpace me (online classes, so I did have real-time peers), grasping concepts that made no sense to me, while I was left in the dust, unable to communicate what I was stuck on to get help from the teacher. It genuinely changed how I handle math, and probably failure as a whole. I completely shut down now when presented with a math problem I don’t know how to solve, because I spent so long feeling like dirt for being unable to learn it. :/

[@yaboyharveyy]

I am also autistic and was diagnosed in primary 4. The support needs of autistic people are completely disregarded, it's disgusting. You were and are good enough. I had and still have lots of trouble writing as well, where my handwriting was barely legible. I'm still self conscious about it. I later discovered an old jotter of mine from primary 1 where a teachers note next to my writing read, "Good try." I think about that a lot and wonder what would be satisfactory. Also, the "girls mask more" thing was repeated to me a few times, (transmasc) and it confuses me how that means you don't qualify for a diagnosis, I've never understood it. Masking doesn't absolve you of a neurological condition. It's really all based on how you're viewed by neurological people, rather than how stressful it is to mask all day, all the time. I wish you the best.

[@louise6268]

Just from your first lines I knew you were gonna mention autism; it is also my experience as a kid, to be treated like you're a problem for adults even though you're not doing anything because you're afraid. I was 28 when I received my diagnosis (Au-DHD + lifelong chronic depression) so from primary school to college I was treated like I was a stupid lazy daydreamer. Turns out I'm actually a learning machine, I'm extremely curious and I recently started University, but you can't grow and thrive when you're isolated and treated like lesser than everyone else, all you can do is survive.

[@prettyrat.]

unlocked a memory for me. need to add this to a list lmao. i especially relate to the being scared to be "naughty" but still being treated like i was. like i was struggling just to spite people.

[@apersonwhohasnothing]

I'm sorry that happened to you :( Although I'm not autistic I can still relate a little. For instance, my native language teacher in 10th was quite strict and she used to dictate words too freaking fast. When someone was not able to write the sentences correctly, she would shame them and make them sit on the floor to write as if it would magically fix their writing speed. I hold my pen differently than others which I think contributes to my slow writing speed? (it's difficult to fix this habit, don't blame me. I have been writing like this since I was a toddler) She used to shame me directly and indirectly a lot back then. This happened right after the pandemic (or 2 yrs of barely any social interaction) so it unfortunately increased my anxiety tenfold and turned into a disorder. I feel like I am exaggerating a bit, I am quite a paranoid person afterall lol.

[@alicec1533]

"parental consent" is such a dystopian/horrible constuct in the first place. EDIT: much like "parental rights" -- they're akin to property rights, insofar as children are taken to be the property of their parents, so they have "rights" _over_ them. Gross.

[@cursedcharlie]

I’m so glad you’re talking about this. I watched Wife Swap and a bit of Supernanny as a kid, as well as shows like 19 Kids and Counting (aka the Duggars) and it’s honestly really stuck with me how kids on these shows would be demonized for having meltdowns and being upset or angry, and they would be “disciplined” for it, meanwhile the Duggar kids were held up as these angelic and obedient examples of what kids should be. It really messed with my head, and I was already being raised to believe “obedient” was the most important thing a child should be. What all these shows have in common is exploiting ab**ed children and validating the type of parent who has kids so they can control them and make the kids who the parents want them to be.

[@OneEyeShadow]

I guess that's just the values you develop if you view children as an inconvenience you are obligated to have.

[@beabzz_]

shows like supernanny, dr phil, etc, made me as a kid feel like an awful, evil child because i was an undiagnosed autistic kid having meltdowns that i didnt have answers to and was made to feel like they were tantrums and i was just spoiled and bratty due to a lot of shows and growing up around this sort of annoyance towards children. my family have always been great but as ive grown up you really start to see how little power children have and the little say they have towards their own decisions and lives and how often theyre not given respect or a voice or listened to because they are just "throwing a tantrum" or being "a spoilt brat"

[@maisieelle9634]

This was a fantastic video. I really related to the epistemic injustice as i shared my experience with abuse as a child to many professionals over a 7 year period and was never believed. i once had a police interview at 5 years old and my entire story was disregarded because i said i was wearing trousers and my abuser said i was wearing a skirt, it was then immediately decided that i was lying. it was only until my abuser filmed himself abusing my brother and submit it as evidence that the professionals i had told for years finally believed me. my self confidence was completely knocked as a child due to being labelled as a liar constantly and being patronised when i was fully aware of what was happening and was quite an articulate child for my age. I don’t believe children will ever be viewed as equal human beings which makes me so sad. i am proud that i have taken my experiences and have now gone into the childcare sector where i hope to provide children with a loving environment and actually listen to them. Again brilliant video and i will be subscribing :)

[@Neogeddon]

Adults have this weird obsession with "proving" children are liars and it's so fkn weird

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@Neogeddon all part of avoiding responsibility while (in some cases) gratifying themselves in some way. People who believe them over the kids aren’t necessarily bad themselves, but they are naive at best. In any case, people seem to forget/don’t care about the *adults* these kids are growing up to be.

[@Felix-jo7nj]

not 1:1 but i've been in your same situation with abuse :( visible signs and tons of red flags and no one did anything. if police were at the home and i said something i was threatened with jail for christmas instead of being asked if someone was making me say the things i was saying. no one questioned the home with constant calls for disputes or otherwise nor did anyone see my bruises or wounds (bc they're trained to spot them on white or fair colored kids) the justice system fails children and even partners of abusers over and over and over again. i hope you can make a real difference out there.

[@beasleydad]

I was the last kid to get paddled by the principal in my American Elementary school when I was in kindergarten because I was at school on a day when kindergarten had the day off, but the bigger kids still had school. Our school district banned it locally after that, but the state of Indiana still to this day allows corporal punishment in public schools. It is not banned.

[@RedNymph234]

What kills me is, you cannot assault another adult without getting arrested. You cannot assault another person's child without getting arrested. But you can assault your own child without any punishment. And, you can consent to other adults to assault your child without any punishment.

[@mynameisreallycool1]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Also, what a stupid reason to punish a kid (of course nothing justifies hitting a child, but the fact that all you did was show up on the wrong day, especially when this is moreso your parents' fault for putting you on the bus or dropping you off, makes this even more upsetting).

[@donatodiniccolodibettobardi842]

As an adult who grew up from a neglected child of two deeply traumatized parents and somewhat traumatized grandparents to one degree or another, my standards of parenting so high I'm not sure I ever would be ready or capable of raising child in a way they deserve... I just don't want to risk it. I don't want them exposed to my unresolved trauma or epigenetics or whatever. I strongly wish more people knew what responsibility they are taking on themselves, when they decide to become parents and did so informed and resolved, that they will get challenged by it, often in very subtle ways with far reaching consequences.

[@6Ri9Cia6]

I lived large part of my childhood institutionalized as well as in the foster system. I'm relieved to see that people are talking about this, as I myself grew up feeling totally powerless. Thank you.

[@sarad2487]

The amount of times I've been told to "just go play dolls" when I expressed any interest in anything is insane. Kids really deserve better than this.