Would New Zealand's military stand a chance against Australian invasion? (2020)

This video explores both sides' militaries, as well as the geographical issues that might arise in such a hypothetical invasion. Economic potentials are taken into consideration as well. Watch the video to find out how would Kiwis fare against their neighbors.
Image elements used in the thumbnail:
Boxing gloves by Petey21
Kangaroo by PanBK (creativecommons...)
HMAS Warramunga ship by Jason Swink, US DoD
Kiwi bird by Auckland War Memorial Museum / CC BY (creativecommon...)
Music by Matija Malatestinicwww.malatestini...
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[@ptrok7328]

Ex NZ military here - even when NZ had more sovereign capabilities it wasn't enough without OZ and not really viable to invest in. More realistic and interesting scenarios would be how NZ/Aus would work together to counter other threats. We love and hate the Aussie like our big brothers - but we are still brothers - lest we forget.

[@fabianpatrizio2865]

yep, I'd be more worried about China

[@cursedmonkey1033]

Lest we forget.

[@captain-chair]

Lest we forget.

[@JustinSCampbell]

This is true. It's frustrating that New Zealand have under invested in their military so much. We'd both be a lot safer if NZ contributed a bit more.

[@dylanarnold5010]

@@JustinSCampbell lol safer from what exactly?

[@electricpizza5774]

New Zealand's defense strategy consists of lighting the beacons and holding out until help from Rohan arrives.

[@abdurrahmanmohammad2024]

Who the heck is rohan

[@tacoblude8208]

@@abdurrahmanmohammad2024 kzbin.info/www/bejne/h5m1d5SPbaZsmaM In this the Kingdom of Gondor calls for aid from the Kingdom of Rohan in Lord of the Rings return of the king and the reason this joke you don't understand is funny because theses movies were filmed in New Zealand.

[@carlosmaldonado5411]

Lol! Only us geeks n nerds understand this statement! Rohan don’t fuk around neither! Expect them on the 3rd day, towards the West!

[@abdurrahmanmohammad2024]

@@tacoblude8208 I'm a New Zealander?

[@dr.lyleevans6915]

“Look to the West” -New Zealand

[@OwenDW]

As a kiwi I can confirm our defence strategy comprises of retreating to Helms Deep and waiting for Gandalf to arrive

[@buttertoast8308]

@The Scruffman hahahaha 😂 that was a good 1

[@alejoloaizaa]

Hahahaha this comment made my day, pure gold

[@bennybottleface8804]

🤣👍

[@istaze_137]

As another kiwi I can second this

[@theatrain5388]

I laughed out loud to this, very funny comment.

[@anthonysimoes7307]

The Aussies would land, then settle it with a game of cricket where underarm bowling is still allowed

[@arthurbass5332]

And sandpaper

[@michaelhutchings8599]

Low blow.... Hilarious tho

[@adzmc6681]

That's gold. Then the Aussie bowled a wide on the last throw.

[@quincyjohnston424]

It would more likely be rugby

[@paradigm_sh1ft532]

"You've just been Chappelled"

[@bustermk2]

There are actually 650000 New Zealanders living in Australia. That is about 12% of New Zealand's entire population already deployed on Australian territory.

[@xgford94]

They might not even come to the BBQ on the weekend how bad would that be.

[@grubbybum3614]

Did you know that per capita, more Aussies live in New Zealand, than vis versa.

[@azbgames6827]

@ben26436 we will scaffold a successor to the bob semple tank

[@kyanbigham8489]

@ben26436 is that like a reference of that French town Kiwis liberated?

[@jamie7472]

We can throw chips at them

[@HamboThomp]

The most unlikely war ever.

[@justin_wynne]

HAMBO THOMP happens regularly with a rugby ball... not likely with guns

[@jamesmckenzie9551]

Yeah one of the tightest alliances in history. Besides, half the kiwis live in Sydney, and half the people in NZ are Aussie!

[@ironcheater1012]

thats not the point of this video

[@super1337bf3ordie]

Aus and NA are best friends where it coulds and worst enemies in everything else

[@sirxavior1583]

Agreed. I thought a big contingent of New Zealander serve or attempt to serve in the Australian Armed forces?.

[@karlkuepper4621]

In fairness, NZ's military strategy is based on the (almost certain) likelihood that they'd be on the same side as Australia in any conflict, so being largely a support force makes sense.

[@grubbybum3614]

Yep.

[@ronaldderooij1774]

Security in indivisible. So, no it does not make sense. If you are in it together, you must carry the weight.

[@kevinshort3943]

I thought it was based on being in the middle of nowhere and no one caring?

[@bbglas007]

Sure they freeload of Australia clearly learning how Centerlink works

[@Macto5]

@@MuzzCat05 If they expect Australia to come to their defence in wartime, NZ should feel obligated to match Australia's military expenditure per GDP. Obviously there are differences in economy and industry between the two nations but it's a bit unfair to decrease military expenditure because you expect a neighbour to pick up the slack in a conflict. The same could be said for Australia's relationship with the US but at least our expenditure per GDP is significantly higher than the UE and comparable western nations.

[@DrCoomer_1]

The only war that the Kiwi's and Aussies would have is a drinking war

[@Longtack55]

and meat pies at 40 paces. You Aussies can bring the tomato sauce

[@anaratumu2040]

🤣🤣🤣 That's the truth. We're likely to say..."wanna beer mate?"...

[@toad3222]

Lmfao

[@toad3222]

How you doing coomer

[@illegalloli422]

Oath

[@BritishEmpireForHisMajesty]

Kids stop fighting or I’ll put you in the naughty corner

[@Alftura]

"But Dad! He called me a dumb c**t!"

[@ThaFunkster100]

Haha nice one (from an Aussie)

[@awheezle]

Shut up mum!

[@Admiral_Jezza]

Well they're already in the corner all right.

[@TapOnX]

But Australia is the naughty corner of the British Empire, so...

[@kampfpanzerleopard346]

New Zealand will win no questions asked because they have the Bob Semple tank Edit: They also have the Big Bob too which makes the odds of New Zealand winning even more higher.

[@AnonYmous-dh2zt]

*Big Bob*

[@lolplayer2477]

we have the emu's

[@cheesedmacaroni]

@@lolplayer2477 you mean the emus are against you guys

[@bossdog1480]

@@cheesedmacaroni We know that you are aware of the deadly drop bears...

[@cheesedmacaroni]

@@bossdog1480 oh yikes I didn't take that into account

[@Jaybee5509]

This is so unrealistic. Aussies and Kiwi's actually fighting...outside the pub!?!

[@georgeknights8444]

Most of the fights happen outside the pub, but usually within stumbling distance from one

[@leomoran142]

During the Korean War, the Aussies and Kiwis would prank each other hard, and in ways that made the Americans wonder if they weren't just using the peninsula as a neutral venue for a war between themselves.

[@tSp289]

It'd be settled with rugby. NZ would win.

[@mikespearwood3914]

@@tSp289 Depends which rugby.

[@benjamin9092]

That's not us that's the Brits and the Scots

[@allcapsallthetime1907]

OUR AIRFORCE LITERALLY USES A FLIGHTLESS BIRD ON A BULLSEYE AS ITS LOGO.

[@Lt.BunnyGirl]

I've always loved that :)

[@Revenkin]

It's so good xD honestly if I was ordered to blow up one with that ild be laughing as I turned back saying nah fuck it

[@tylerberry855]

australian version of kamikaze

[@kalmdwn7711]

What airforce?

[@sm4sher45]

Dude, stop shouting

[@forgivemenot1]

If Australia invaded New Zealand I'm sure they'd meet us on the landing grounds with cricket bats and chillybins full of beer, the struggle would be fierce but the next day hangover would be worse!

[@MatthewNash]

We'd insist they be called eskies, and then it really would be on.

[@Longtack55]

Don't make me drink VB if you guys win!

[@AlucardArkaine]

@@Longtack55 Honestly, as an Aussie, I can't believe that piss is our most popular beer. Coopers is 100 times better.

[@stevious7278]

"chillybins"?? They're ESKYS mate!!

[@isaacmurdochmusic1606]

They're called Eskies under you new Australian overlords

[@calvin8269]

This is probably the only way we get the Bledisloe Back :(

[@dadyo63]

Haha,awsum comment

[@dropkick4440]

Dreams are free

[@vinniecorleone9729]

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

[@ykl1277]

Take it. Just don't invade NZ. The AB will take it back next December

[@tutokes]

You win best comment today my friend

[@EdySmi]

From NZ's perspective the only real question is, can Australia fend off an invasion from China long enough for us to run for the woods.

[@sammacculloch446]

That would depend on what Indonesia does..😬😬😅 either way I think we'll need faster boats 😂

[@stevenharris2230]

@@sammacculloch446 Indonesia has a defense pact with US and Australia. Also part of ASEAN which Australia has pacts with most member countries. Indonesia is in conflict with China over South China Sea territory. China would never invade Australia as they'd be stretched and would be taken by east and south east asian nations. Don't forget China tries to bully all of them too.

[@EdySmi]

@Lisa Smith you're right, although relative to the population we have a surprising amount of guns so there'd be a few of them to get through.

[@LogieT2K]

Litterally, our amry would just go bush in the Tararuas while the aussies fend em off lol

[@nathanfisk8067]

valid point, and enjoy the twist of humour too

[@YuiFunami]

who would win: bedtime vs a binkov upload

[@ThisAlias]

Looks like a Decisive Victory for binkovs upload

[@rikihanawhiu7637]

New Zealand has already invaded Australia. Just go to the Gold Coast for the weekend.

[@stevious7278]

or Bondi

[@gooble69]

@@stevious7278 Maybe in the 80's but there's not many left there now, they cant afford it. Hence why they now go to Queensland

[@mikeyjnz]

Going for the culture victory

[@langer4602]

They can have Queensland

[@stevious7278]

@@langer4602 Sure. Makes sense. No masks here. No restrictions; except the bullshit no international flights which is crippling the tourist industry. I reckon most of Queensland would be happy to secede. All the rest of you can take your covid and fuck off!

[@kieranmacdonald83]

We are scraping the barrel here. Next week - Antarctica vs Vatican city

[@madmarvshighwaywarrior2870]

Swiss Guard vs penguins 😁

[@Telenil]

"In short, the fact that the Antarctican nation doesn't exist, means that a small contingent of the Swiss Guard should have no problem in establishing a beach head. But the logistics of transporting even a token force over 2,000 miles of frozen wasteland, with temperature below -50° Celsius, would be a nightmare. Verdict: stalemate."

[@betanovaneo4249]

No Monaco Vs Vatican city

[@sdr262]

Yes hahaha

[@kennethhanes5438]

Australia’s responsible for New Zealand’s air security as apart of a joint defence agreement between us any hostile plane heading for New Zealand will be intercepted and destroyed by Australian war planes if they pose a threat to nz

[@stuartholehouse2948]

Your army will never get past all our “red tape”. We’ve been carefully constructing it for years. You’d have to get resource consent, consult local Iwi...

[@jamesedkins2823]

Dont forget the taniphas.

[@fives.]

Underrated comment, we'd spend the first weekend at war with Australia in the Ureweras pig-hunting and drinking what supplies of Export Gold we have left while the Regional Councils hold resource management meetings and wait for the sausage rolls to show up for morning tea

[@googsfishing5836]

"Sit down son, let me tell you about the great pavlova war."

[@eddybulich3309]

Finally we could get that issue solved :)

[@MarkGoding]

@@eddybulich3309 .. historical fact dictates the Kiwis invented it.. they aren't getting our lamingtons though!

[@jadersolano3080]

Is neither Australian nor new zelander

[@azbgames6827]

@@MarkGoding when has new zealand ever claimed lamingtons?

[@thripples1]

The only plausible reason for an Aus-NZ war lol

[@crabdank7591]

Under this scenario, I'm wondering if the Queen will declare war against herself.

[@alpharex5677]

CRAB DANK Australia and NZ are no longer British colonies.

[@MartinLeong25]

@@alpharex5677 but still the head if state so technically yeah

[@krusader7114]

People forget they’re still over 70 nations with the queen as head of state. Canada is another western nation. Make a video of The Commonwealth verses European Union

[@Marcusnintendofan]

@@krusader7114 wrong. She's the head of state of 16 countries only (commonwealth realm). You're thinking of the Commonwealth of Nations which doesn't have her as head of state and the respective countries (excluding Commonwealth Realm) take care of their own affairs.

[@jameslegrand848]

@@krusader7114 oof now thats a fight that would bloody both sides, but Imo it's one that the EU would either win or it would end in a stale mate. I'm saying that since if it's a perfect scenario then all involved nations would be 110% willing to fight, so the UK would have the overwhelming might of India Australia new Zealand and (maybe its most valuable asset) Canada. That being said.... it would also mean that every European nation would be willing to fight hand in hand, so they would logically contribute everything they would, that would mean that the UK would be somewhat out matched for a while then get reinforcements and then be hanging a thread since it's allies would, in most parts be oceans away and be forced to pass through European held waters to get to the Isles.

[@awheezle]

Binkov didn’t take into account the study that was published a few years ago that said we (NZ), only have enough ammunition for a few days combat lol.

[@joelcraig9803]

When you've got the Bob Semple tank a few days is all you need!

[@ozskipper]

A few days of ammo is all you will need. In fact it would be easier on you if you just dump the ammo in the tasman before hand.. lol

[@bartfoster1311]

It would be a waste for NZ to bulk up its military, who is going to attack them? If anyone did, the Aussies and Americans would have their back. Next Binkov: New Zealand vs the horde of Orcs from Lord of the Rings.

[@Seadog7981]

I will land 100'000 troops in NZ.

[@DavidJones-fl9uz]

They can't stand 2 second against China.

[@slickstrings]

A war between Australia and NZ would go something like this: Aus: Oi! NZ: Hey broo! Aus: we are invading! NZ: oh yeah sweet uz! got a chully bun full of cans here Aus: yeah noice, need a hand with that? NZ: if you like, wouldn't want you to hurt yourself though Aus: lets see who's hurting after these 800g steaks NZ: sweet uz! Aus: lets bloody rip into it War ends in hangover and meat coma.

[@0nTheRedline]

Yep I’m from NZ and that is bang on how shit would go down mate

[@gungho57]

That's right cuz'...

[@aaroncarter5220]

Chur!!

[@emmeriankiwi6993]

It's be called the "Pavlova War"

[@kcharles8857]

Thats brilliant! and probably spot on

[@ianfirth33]

As an Australian, this video, is very hard to watch as most Australians have a very high regard for our Kiwi cousins, we have fought and bled in the same army ANZAC for over 100 years, we are rivals in cricket and rugby but that is as far as it goes. For Australia to attack New Zealand is unthinkable to me as willingly cutting off an arm. In many ways the New Zealand people are the best in the worrld.

[@stephengordon9956]

So true, my longest best friend of 40yrs is a kiwi as is my brother inlaw. Goods friends as long as the Aussies win. When NZ or Aussie play the Poms at sport we are brothers in arms.

[@waynesmith2287]

ANZAC That's all that needs to be said.

[@ravenof1985]

yeh, its a bit weird considering how alike both countries are and how much history we have.

[@martintwist5159]

Second best according to this video 🤔

[@marcusdalessandro5877]

I reckon we should just take them so there's no question about who made the pavlova

[@somethinglikethat2176]

There was a comedy show that made reference to Australia invading New Zealand a few years ago and when asked about it the New Zealand defence minister said that "we have opened up a beach head at Bondi (popular tourist spot) and the enemy has been unable to dislodge us."

[@zeno15sti33]

US Secretary of Defence wish he had it this easy,

[@zabaleta66]

LOL

[@lauriewise6271]

Something like that, Haha

[@fatherfred3946]

May I ask, why don't you all have a family reunion on your own land of jolly old England? Return the looted Continent of Australia in Asia-Pacific to people of Asia-Pacific region. Return the looted New Zealand to Native Maori people. Slavery, Colonialism and Colonization are evil things done, and benefited by evildoers. Remember, notorious centuries-long global cardinal crimes that Anglo clans had committed, and benefited a great deals, such as Slavery and Colonialism had long been over, why on earth is notorious Colonization still lingering on, may I ask? Australia/New Zealand in Asia-Pacific; blog.chinadaily.com.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=711807

[@newyorkerjoe123]

@@fatherfred3946 I agree, about time to decolonize the Colonized lands, from Australia to New Zealand, and return them to rightful owners. True, notorious global cardinal crimes Anglo West had committed, and benefited a great deals, such as Slavery and Colonialism had long been over, why is notorious Colonization still lingering on earth, which makes sense. By the way thanks for informative link, blog.chinadaily.com.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=711807

[@MartinLeong25]

Uk: The bloody kids are fighting again.....

[@miguelmontenegro3520]

Step back Australia. Don't make me colonize you again.

[@davidbrooks960]

Martin Leong the queen will not be amused

[@mushy111]

Uk: Go to your room! Australia: ok it's much roomier and nicer than yours anyway, mumsy. lmao.

[@mushy111]

@PR0GRAMMING Dad's owned by Huawei now lmao.

[@NilsAlbertsson]

@PROGRAMMING - If the Brits are owned by Huawei, then the Aussies *definitely* are... The UK and US are the big brothers of the five eyes agency and Australia is one of the three little bothers! If Huawei own the UK intelligence agencies, then by association (because Australia's entire intelligence community is the UK and US's five eyes bitch) then Aussies are not just pwned too, they are pwned so hard that Huawei is bukakeing their moms! I've no dog in this fight; just sayin' 's'all.

[@armokil]

This would never happen. Unless Australians keep saying they invented pavlova

[@familyfalc8109]

nz stole it too, just renamed it.

[@armokil]

@@familyfalc8109 shut up bruh, nz made it first

[@familyfalc8109]

@@armokil lmao Bit touchy champ. Learn your meringue history before commenting. All nz did was popularize it and give it an alternate name.

[@edwardbakadingo4261]

Kind of like how the kiwis tried to copyright Australian flowers like warratah

[@Revenkin]

Look mate you have lamingtons, give us back the pav

[@willmachado1]

Jokes on you pal, the Kiwis have already invaded Australia, they're still there to this day

[@simonrobinson4815]

🤣🤣🤣

[@woodliceworm4565]

only about 300, to 600 thousand

[@colinmackenzie6277]

The 101st Dole Bludgers division...burrowing through Australian social infrastructure!!!!

[@ElDiablo-vk9ue]

help they are slowly building scaffolding around all of our buildings

[@bradwilliams7683]

And all they do is tell us Australians how much better New Zealand is.

[@emelgiefro]

A country that lost a war against birds taking on a mighty country that has built a tank that strikes fear into enemy bones by just mentioning its name? Binkov is this really fair?

[@The_Desert_Tiger]

Losing a war against birds is better than losing a war against white powder (US drug war)

[@TheSuperhoden]

Napoleon had to retreat from bunnies, just saying

[@vetabeta9890]

They didn't lose

[@killertaxi100]

Well Bob Semple, meet the AC3 Thunderbolt... :-P

[@hieuphungminh6690]

@@The_Desert_Tiger Behind that white powder are men from several nations and a trillion dollars industry.

[@s.j.hunter3995]

This like two brothers fighting. Their not going to kill each other, just wrestle and call each other a jerk.

[@paradigm_sh1ft532]

Then the UK will step in, butt both their heads together and send them to their rooms. During their time out, they'll sneakily watch highlights of them thumping the Poms in numerous sports, then go back to being best buds in no time!

[@_tim]

This happens every year. At the end the winner is awarded the Bledisloe Cup.

[@Aolen75]

New Zealand has a very potent not so secret weapon, We Aussies love them! Go ANZACS!!

[@AlucardArkaine]

Love rippin' on 'em but would never want war with 'em.

[@johnmoyle4195]

Yeah, we love teasing them, but if anyone else does it, we’ll flatten them. ANZAC forever!

[@13infbatt]

German commander Erwin Rommel was even quoted as saying: "If I had to take hell, I would use the Australians to take it and the New Zealanders to hold it. "If I'd had one division of Māori, I would have taken the canal in a week.

[@JoenerMay]

Rommel was such a shit general I don't think we should care about anything he says

[@TheDolphinator8]

@@JoenerMay better than you.

[@fyingkiwi9576]

@@JoenerMay how was he a shit general

[@haroldgodwinson832]

I'd be very surprised if Rommel said any such thing. Typically, in time of war, we don't run around praising and lionizing enemy troops. Sounds like 'propaganda' to me.

[@haroldgodwinson832]

@@lancelot0007 Okay good. So you can provide me with a reliable primary source then? I'll wait.

[@Chrischi3TutorialLPs]

Depends... on which side are the Emus?

[@thisisyourusernameondrugs9373]

New Zealand's side for sure, both Kiwis and Emus are rattites (a type of bird) so they'd be sticking up for their brethren. Plus the Aussie wildlife clearly has a bone to pick with the people living there

[@Thirdbase9]

The Emus would use the distraction to conquer all of Australia.

[@PluckYeah]

And the sheep?.. Mad cow's are the referee's?..

[@AHSANALI-tb3hs]

Kangaroos will lose then

[@eliassolomou5503]

as an ex ADF member with expirience on such matters I'll enlighten you to reality. as soon as we meet up with our kiwi cousins we break out into a drinking contest to settle the age old question who drinks more, all other questions and missions pale into insignificance. now them kiwis are pretty tough theyve already claimed the health of my liver but the campaign goes on. next shout is theirs and for the record im up a bottle and a half of Johnny within 15 minutes and vegemite tastes better than their knock off mamemite or whatever they call it. oh and after the piss up theres two up.

[@v.sandrone4268]

Thanks for your service. Nah, that sounds too American. How about on ya mate. 🇦🇺🇦🇺

[@stephengordon9956]

You got it in one digger.

[@brazeiar9672]

New Zealand's military is a joke. Their government is 100% woke and feminist.

[@Zbeads712]

I was with you until the Vegemite.

[@montyparata376]

@@brazeiar9672 Our military might be small and less advanced, but my grandparents bled and died with everyone else to defend Europe and the other countries on the other side of the world so how about cutting us some slack mate. And at least we can go to work and to the pub. All it took was following the woke communist feminist transgender saucepan-sexual PM's and (legend) Dr Bloomfield's rules and stayed home for a few weeks and we're back to it.

[@tutokes]

Australia: We are going to invade NZ: Oh that’s shit, wan a chip bro

[@nono7105]

@Agent Smith Got no teeth bro.

[@casbot71]

Australia would have to keep some forces back in order to deal with insurgent action around Bondi…

[@angusgow1887]

Yes we have a 5th column.

[@TM-yc2qi]

Gold Coast as well 🤣

[@richardeast5660]

No mate the local police are enough to deal with that mob lol

[@richardeast5660]

The rest have sworn allegiance to the Kangaroo and the Emu and now follow the Wallabies

[@edwardbakadingo4261]

THe Kiwis can have Sydney and canberra if they want seems like a fair trade

[@LockeRobsta]

Binkov... You didn't take into account New Zealand's Middle Earth Division They have Dwarfs, Elves, and Hobbit spies!

[@AlexWithington]

Well the hobbit spies would be super useful as they look like the average Aussie already

[@pauldenisMcdonald]

too right m8

[@pcarrierorange]

@@AlexWithington Unfortunately we suspect aussies have infiltrated the hobbit division, and we have no way of telling who’s who.

[@AlexWithington]

@@pcarrierorange put a beer on the table and keep an eye out for who grabs it then you will find the perpetrator

[@scubasteve3855]

it wouldn't happen NZ is like our little brother while we could have arguments but blood is thicker than water

[@DavidCartmellDJCartmell]

It's no wonder New Zealand's national anthem is called God Defend New Zealand

[@harrycurrie9664]

Yes and God would fight side by side with guys like this > en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Upham

[@vinnie3matenga239]

And

[@chrisgould101]

God protects these countries by my observations. New Zealand, Australia, U.s, Israel and France. all allies who fight for our freedom to be. Israel is a unique exception though.

[@juicelau4422]

that was a good one buttttttttttttttttttttt we got the hobbit on our side

[@chrisgould101]

@@juicelau4422 "Some believe only great power can hold evil in check. I have found it is not this, but the small ,every day good deeds of ordinary folk that holds the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and bravery". - Gandalf, middle Earth , 2001

[@findnic420]

I knew we needed the Flag of the kiwi shooting lasers from its eyes.

[@jay_idk337]

Nah uk

[@craigsaunders7037]

Australia has already lost . There's more Kiwis here in Australia than in New Zealand .

[@nono7105]

You've just gone and supplied the reason for the invasion. To return all the bloody Kiwis we've got lying around the place.

[@keithtonkin6959]

This would never happen, but you're not realising how difficult the terrain in New Zealand is. The islands like Stewart Island have virtually nowhere where troops could land...there is only one town and only 15kms of road and only around that town. The rest is total mountainous and rugged coastline heavily forested wilderness. Australians are only used to flat open country!! Anyway 45million angry sheep are not to trifled with and our mountain parrots (kea) can actually tear tanks to pieces with their beaks (they wrecked my car) AND...the Chatham Islands??? Those people are really scary...no-one would risk that.

[@JohnJ469]

Keas? We laugh at Kias! Silly little cars. Oh, sorry "Keas", some form of bird. You Kiwis may have faith in the aerial Kea squadrons of which you think so highly, but we Australians have the highly trained Emu attack units. They beat the snot out of us last time, so it's a fair bet they'll do the same to you.

[@keithtonkin6959]

@@JohnJ469 But how would they get here?? Can they swim? Besides we're about to recreate the Moa genome and use Emus we already have here to incubate them. There will be battalions of them and they were bigger than emus and had thicker more powerful legs to kick arse with. And have you not thought about earthquakes?? The slightest tremor or puff of ash from a volcano will cause Australian soldiers to instantly become jibbering wrecks and give themselves up. Even reminding them of that will probably cause mass mutiny and flat refusal to cross the ditch anyway. Besides if your blokes can't play rugby properly how could you ever expect to successfully invade Aotearoa anyway. Conversely I'd have to admit though that if Kiwis invaded Australia you'd just have to wave a snake about and we'd be gone in a flash. Actually do you really know where NZ is? Last time I was in Australia they kept referring to NZ as "Down there" instead of "Over There" That really worried Tasmanians I knew.

[@bluewardog]

its not just stewart island, the south island is a natural fortress. with exceptions of the cantabry plains and the wairau valley the entire island is rough mountonus terrain which are only linked by two lane roads which are easly blocked by landslides.

[@lukewehlow838]

Australia has the thickest jungle in the Southern Hemisphere! The jungle in Tully and surrounding areas is filled with snakes, cassowaries and a little vine called ‘wait a while’ which means once you’re in it you’re waiting a while to get out of it!.... we also have fever trees that will give you a deathly fever that can last months and all the while the landscape is mountainous with hidden gullies and no flat land other than what we made ourselves.... flat country huh? Moron!

[@JohnJ469]

@@keithtonkin6959 Ah, but those arte bred from *our* Emus and will be sleeper agents for us. Do you think we haven't been planning this for decades? Mwahahahaha (In all seriousness good luck with the Moa, that would be so cool. Although where the hell would you keep them?) Earthquakes? We laugh at earthquakes "Ha ha!" (Sorry watched Danny Kaye's Court Jester on the weekend) However you have hit on one area where Kiwis would have an initial natural advantage. "Aotearoa"? How in hell do you pronounce that? Place names would really mess us up. But we do have a plan to get around this that will level the playing field. A highly secret group of Kenyan refugees have been working long hours and when we invade, all New Zealand towns will be renamed in Swahili. that way there will be no advantage and nobody will know where they are going. (See? We've thought of everything.) Yes I know where NZ is. I can also pick NZ soldiers in a march. Unlike Aussies who march 4 abreast Kiwis march only 3 abreast. If they did 4, one would be walking in the water. BTW, you can always tell a Taswegian soldier too. They're the ones who look over their shoulder when given the order "3 paces to the rear. March".

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

There is a reason why New Zealand is often forgotten or overlooked on maps. They rely on this to escape an invasion attempt

[@stuartholehouse2948]

Spot on. Along with being damn inconvenient to get to and having nothing of real value. It’s a strategy that’s worked well for us so far. Just a shame we can’t afford to buy our own houses.

[@TheBrianp1]

Everyone knows New Zealand is a fictional country. Jeez.

[@NJFPALEOCON]

*Australia

[@jameslegrand848]

@@NJFPALEOCON I've never even seen new Zealand on a map, is it japan ? 🙃🙃🙃

[@PluckYeah]

Gondor?..

[@jameslegrand848]

@Ginger Nutz yeah and the Nazis even tried to make up a fake story about about this "Finland" almost beating the USSR 🤣🤣🤣🤣 nice fan fic bro

[@fruitjuice8]

I am kiwi, i can confirm you’re correct

[@petersmythe6462]

This is why I love using NZ as an observe mode in strategy games. It's economy and politics tend to be stable so that doesn't gameover me. It's super isolated, nobody wants to invade it, and it doesn't have the weaponry to go on the attack by AI either.

[@felixschrider9037]

depends on the AI and the game. HOI4 NZ could probably take Indonesia. but otherwise yeah. a pretty good observe nation.

[@dreadnoughtworkshop6185]

Lol, in a Hoi4 game I was playing NZ and had a lot of light tank divisions and kicked Italy out of Africa.

[@Unknown-gi1uj]

In conflict of nations, i have won a few games as NZ, just mass a bunch of frigates and ballistic missile subs.

[@georgemooyman7155]

Australia and New Zealand are mates there is competition between each country but when there's a scrap we band together

[@kyleharmse5968]

If we're talking rugby union, the Wallabies are screwed.

[@TheAussief1]

Kyle Harmse lets be fair about this. . Netball. Let the ladies settle this.

[@MarkGoding]

@@TheAussief1 I'll bring the beers!

[@hanoitripper1809]

Anthing else, oz wins, league cricket soccer etc

[@geoffreydrew4810]

Who can withstand the Haka??

[@mikespearwood3914]

Lucky we're not talking about rugby union then Kyle! :D

[@playerone2424]

*first bomb falls* NZ: Hey bro, that ain't cool! AUS: Shit yeah mate, beer and a BBQ at mine? NZ: Choice bro! *war ends*

[@TrystaneTheBlack]

New Zealand vs Australia would be a game of "stop hitting yourself" we're siblings that constantly compete against each other but when it comes to defending the other than we're one of the most fierce fighting forces together! that and the Bob Semple Tank is a weapon of mass destruction

[@mushy111]

We're like the big brother that takes all the little brothers toys, like Russell Crowe and pavlova.

[@ravenof1985]

yeh, it was a bit weird seeing this video, NZ's entire defense strategy is that they are so remote that to invade them, you have to invade Australia first. Plus we are rapidly approaching the point where we just become one country anyway, since we are all loosing track of who belongs in which country.

[@liamw7112]

Would never imagine going to war with our closest brothers and sisters over in NZ. We will al ways have each other’s backs

[@benjamin9092]

Our entire military is based around that fact

[@johnmoyle4195]

Anyone wants to have a go at New Zealand, you’re going to have to go through the Aussies first. Write that down somewhere and don’t lose it. They are our best mates in the world.

[@chriswebb1500]

When the kiwis mobilise their footrot flat battalion serving up fush and chups the aussies will surrender en masse

[@youtubeairways8646]

lol

[@brianbell8958]

couldnt invade the south island, way too cold for aussies.

[@Longtack55]

Imagine if the ADF made an amphibious landing in Fiordland in winter? Great surf.....

[@Jordan-kq3qw]

Hey if you want to go to all that effort you can have it. We'll even throw in Christchurch and Dunedin to sweeten the deal, as long as we don't have to pay for the renovations.

[@BearsyMai]

Nah, as a Tasmanian, I reckon we could withstand it for the rest of our country 😂

[@freddy71040]

@@BearsyMai idk mate try 8 degrees water in the summer 😂

[@Adsjabo]

Lol you kidding me. Nz winter is literally full of Aussies in the snow come winter time. Let alone all the Australians that live here too. (I am one :p)

[@RichoVonBlack10]

Awwww, do we have to invade?, i mean, I'll chuck the Barbie on and shout a coupla slabs, the kiwi's can do up some roast pork and bring a guitar , then we can get maggoted and argue about the cricket.

[@contactico]

Sounds like a crissy bbq

[@RichoVonBlack10]

@@contactico Every day is Crissy mate!

[@stockcar98t73]

I've got alot of Australian friends I made while doing van tour around Europe. I could never imagine going into war with them but I can definitely see myself battling along side them! The banter would be gold 🤣

[@EvoSwatch]

I love the combination of real-life footage with the animation. Keep it up.

[@starleighpersonal]

emus vs kiwis: oversimplified has joined the chat

[@PitterPatter20]

A good thing about this war is that, once it was all over, we'd never have to worry about trying to remember which flag is which ever again.

[@wilhelmbittrich88]

As a New Zealander, it’s embarrassing how pathetic our military is. We basically just rely on our powerful allies to keep us safe.

[@LucasLima-qi7wu]

Can you do a China vs Australia/New Zealand ? Based on the “Tomorrow” Series from John Marsden best selling book series

[@ravenof1985]

i grew up reading those books, real life we would get curb stomped by any serious Chinese invasion.

[@GrahameGould]

We couldn't beat the Chinese, but the US is our ally and they would.

[@neilhamill318]

The Chinese military are puppets for their government they have no passion for their country. Unlike Aus and Nz. That counts for a lot more than you realise.

[@paradigm_sh1ft532]

Yeah I'll do it right now; China writes massive cheques to buy all our farms and infrastructure. Greedy Australian politicians sell the country out from underneath it's inhabitants. Mission Accomplished. Not a single bullet fired.

[@artistjoh]

Australia and New Zealand are so close in terms of heritage, history, and history working together and sacrificing together on the battlefield, that it is somewhat offensive to think of war between these brothers/sisters of nations. The ANZAC spirit is a real and living bond between these countries.

[@SpiritOfProgress]

Yes but our politicians are arseholes so never say never.

[@nathanwillo1990]

New zealand are like the shit cousin you never dont want around to visit as a kid. You know, the kid in the wheel chair who still thinks they would win the 100m sprint

[@GrahameGould]

It's just a hypothetical. Calm down.

[@raybrown9724]

Australia come down to reality!! You can't protect yourself more less defend new Zealand!!.. Think about it long and hard . Why do you think USA has a marine attact squadron that stays in Australia at all times?Now Australia is in talks of building a US navy base in the northin part of Australia???

[@lxarchives5482]

"Using beer as a National Defence strategy: leaving bottles of beer on all beaches, so that any invading army would abandon its attack and get drunk while the broken bottles would prevent the army advancing any further." - McGillicuddy Serious Party

[@aussietaipan8700]

Australia - our mother is Britain and brothers are USA, Canada and NZ. Most of the world are mates with some exceptions. We have stood shoulder to shoulder since WW1

[@gary6514]

Agreed. As a Brit we know who our family are.

[@tonyvu2011]

@@gary6514 NZ has drifted away a bit, the joint statement about Hong Kong included US/UK/Canada/Australia, there was no NZ!

[@NighthawkNZ]

@@tonyvu2011 Considering nighthawk.nz/index.php/3067-china-labels-new-zealand-s-extradition-treaty-suspension-as-gross-interference nighthawk.nz/index.php/3098-china-suspends-hong-kong-s-extradition-treaty-with-new-zealand nighthawk.nz/index.php/3020-china-jacinda-ardern-s-calling-out-of-china-over-uighur-muslims-shows-new-zealand-won-t-engage-in-master-servant-relationship-international-relations-expert We had to look at our laws and agreements to see if we could legally and morally it was discussed And as for the 5G issue, Both Vodafone and Spark are going with Ericsson and Nokia www.cybersecurity-insiders.com/new-zealand-bans-huawei-5g-equipment-due-to-espionage-fears/

[@rupeshmahato2882]

Keep making videos binkov it helps me a lot during quarantine 👌🏻👌🏻

[@goodshipkaraboudjan]

As an Aussie, I love it. Would NEVER, EVER happen though.

[@leannesmith5818]

Ain't that the truth cuz

[@swerdna1970]

As an Australian, this scenario is unthinkable and the question is offensively stupid.

[@LegatoOfficial]

I think a more likely scenario would be the ADF coming to liberate NZ after another country invades them first. XD

[@bossdog1480]

HMMM, who would do that? The Ch.aarg...….

[@aidanhartford1588]

Isthisnameused * china cough cough*

[@Duncannuva]

@Tango Jones sorry you mean rat boy John Key.

[@eddybulich3309]

@@aidanhartford1588 Did you cough into your elbow. You better get tested for COVID-19 ;)

[@noaht8592]

soviet style eh?

[@redmondcoulter]

Enjoyed this one. We kiwis love to engage in rivalry with the aussies but I don't think you'd find a kiwi with 2 brain cells to spare who woukd deny we'd be squashed by just about any military on earth 😂

[@dennisofster8623]

Don't agree with that.

[@oneenglishbastard87]

You'd crush quite a few armies actually, one that comes to mind is the Republic of Ireland. Last time I checked they only had 7000 soldiers, no airforce or navy and no tanks. You would be mopping them up off the floor.

[@free_boiling4502]

@@oneenglishbastard87 neither side would be able to land enough troops on foreign territory

[@atfjacknz]

@@oneenglishbastard87 To be fair, we only have 4000 troops, in the army, and no tanks either.

[@atfjacknz]

Hey we could at least beat Fiji, or Tonga.

[@gaz9556]

The real battle would ultimately be decided on the rugby pitch, new Zealand has some serious weapons there

[@PluckYeah]

Rugby union?.. It's like our 4th biggest sport, way behind the other 3.. Not really a deciding factor lil bro.. ( I do love the game though)..

[@mikespearwood3914]

@@PluckYeah *4th biggest football code...out of 4. About the 7th biggest male participation sport in Australia.

[@tylerlee6769]

Let's hope it's not cricket.

[@officialspock]

No need to go to war, Australia will just declare New Zealand as part of New South Wales

[@leomoran142]

Depending on the time of year, the invasion would quickly degenerate into one of the following: A rugby game and a drunken argument over pavlova, or a cricket match and a drunken barbeque, each followed by amorous glances at the nearest mob of sheep. Pity the sheep, they're the real victims

[@octaviocuesta1155]

There's an Australian TV show where they come up with fictional ads. One of the episodes was an "Invade New Zealand" ad campaign. One of the ads used NZ's own tourism ad, turning it into: 0% Infantry 0% Navy 0% Air Force 100% For The Taking!

[@harrisonfoster1889]

I can guarantee this'll never happen as we are literally cousins we watch each other's back while dishing shit out to each other only coz were the only ones allowed to do it

[@jeffbenton6183]

I like these scenarios where the two sides would never dream of actually fighting each other.

[@Danny-ss8il]

If I had to pick I side I wouldn't be able to I LOVE both of these nation's From 🇬🇧❤

[@jay_idk337]

Well if either fought uk would be like I’ll end both of u if u don’t stop

[@sisyphusvasilias3943]

If Australia felt THAT strongly about annexing NZ, most Kiwis would just agree to it before it got to fighting. We're already highly integrated and if NZ could negotiate enough perks by offering to avoid war that we'd come out better off.

[@Hanago9PL]

Next episode: Would modern Australian Army stand a chance against Emu invasion?

[@weebaboo4032]

Skotlicki we all know Australia would lose

[@hiteshadhikari]

Too one sided, we know emu would win

[@andrewsmall6834]

@Horizon585 It was never funny.

[@andrewsmall6834]

Holy shit, how is this still a thing?! Australia killed thousands of emus with less than 10 men and no losses, why is this still going on?

[@kelvinpang438]

@@andrewsmall6834 yeah and there were 20,000 emus...They barely put a dent into the emu population and used so much ammunition.

[@reclusenz]

Us Kiwi's love our Aussie counterparts, sure we take the micky out of each other - but that has always been the case. What the rest of the world doesn't realize is that the relationship is like a 'big brother, little brother' kind of relationship. We're both competitive as hell when it comes to rugby and cricket - but if anyone else was to mess with either of us, you'd feel the wrath of the entire family.

[@Frogstomp_actual]

Just so non aussies/kiwi’s know, there is more chance we chop WA (Western Australia) off (from the commonwealth) than ever go to war with NZ. Love the show comrade, would love to see a Vietnam War V2

[@peterschmidt1453]

As long as the gas and iron ore money keeps the East in beer money you'll keep on grabbing WA with both hands.

[@peterschmidt1453]

@bobbiebob575 bob Vietnam has offshore oil, the Chinese did not even pretend to Liberate, they are drilling Vietnam territory right now backed by the Chinese navy. The more things change the more they stay the same.

[@alexbattaglia8297]

As a Western Australian, I see nothing wrong with this scenario

[@stephenharvey4138]

Please please please chop us off. keep your germ warfare to yourselves and give us back all you stole through the GST

[@mervharris5183]

Would never happen, but being a Kiwi living in Australia I’d guess I’d leave my car parked on the Sydney Harbour Bridge and bring the Aussie Economy to a halt!

[@disasterdisaster581]

I never realised NZ's military was so pathetic

[@shaftoe195]

Many nations don't really need powerful militaries. To them, war is not an option anyway. So it's better to invest into economics and other fields than futile defense. Still, since there are many uses for a military other than fighting wars, they still keep it.

[@Weeboslav]

Well,they are in middle of nowhere without any threat so they don't need a strong military..

[@boyteebah3794]

they will hakka thier way to victory...talking about NZ military is like trying to discuss about the Swiss Navy

[@emelgiefro]

@@Weeboslav this Also why would anyone invade a country that has a bob semple tank

[@McMeevin]

What they lack in equipment they make up in quality personal, just like the ADF

[@penitent2401]

New Zealand does have air and naval defences, they're called the Australian Defence Force

[@xavierlauzac5922]

No, their OWN defense force.

[@cqsual2047]

@@xavierlauzac5922 Nah

[@xavierlauzac5922]

@@cqsual2047 just stop trying to change the premise.

[@twrampage]

Damn! He's exposed our plans, we're gonna have to put it off mates!

[@david19664]

Maybe we could change our target and take Canberra

[@Revenkin]

@@david19664 Canberra is easy mate, say there's a bushfire and it's evacuated

[@zeno6567]

There are 500,000 New Zealanders in Australia, and over 60,000 Australians in New Zealand. We have been allies since our nation's first came to be and always will be.

[@Travio247]

So what you're saying is the kiwis would win by rising up against the Australian oppressors within Australia

[@Dinitroflurbenzol]

sooooooooo, does this settle the question of Marmite versus Vegemite?

[@captain-chair]

Dinitroflurbenzol Yes, that was our Casis-Beli, for New Zealand to recognize Vegemite as the superior yeast based spred, and from here on New Zealand can not have Marmite on their shelves, while the Australian Military exiles all dissidents to Vegemite, to the Reeducation Camps in the Outback.

[@mrfahrenheit3867]

I'll die on Marmite Hill before putting that filthy Vegemite mud in-between my buns.

[@tadficuscactus]

As a New Zealander I would say we would have absolutely zero chance. We have no tanks and no fighter aircraft.

[@TheButlerNZ]

We will fight them on the pitches and the pubs, we will never surrender (unless it's food o'clock)

[@martinpasley9475]

na na mate only if its smoko time

[@edwardbakadingo4261]

on the netball court?

[@TheButlerNZ]

@@edwardbakadingo4261 Hear our battle cry "Bondai ! Bondai ! Bondai !!!"

[@Alftura]

About time!!! Been waiting for this for ages!!!!

[@MayDayMei98]

People often think New Zealand is a collection of islands. This is only partially true. The big two "islands" are actually just really, really big ships with fantastic camouflage. This is why the Kiwis don't appear on maps, because they're NOT always there when someone checks. This mobility is the secret weapon of the Kiwis. If Australia declares war, the Kiwis will just sail away and come back when the Aussies cool off (they're quite fond of that spot in the Pacific for some reason)

[@mytubehkjt]

2020: The most unlikely war ever. 2021 China: hold my beer.

[@joelrichardson7989]

uh oh

[@joelrichardson7989]

but if China invades aus they would be stuffed Australia’s friends with 98 percent of the world 😂

[@Revenkin]

Easy, Australia drinks the beer. Next?

[@royalteluis623]

Australia’s secrete weapon : *EMU* New Zealand secrete weapon: *KIWI* If these two titans go at it , death will rise like never before

[@jaydubb774]

It was said once the most dangerous weapons in mankind where 1. Bruce Lee's martial art 2. The Maori battalion

[@gooble69]

Said by a moron maybe... Pretty sure an A-10 Warthog would destroy either of those thing in seconds

[@jaydubb774]

@@gooble69 without a person sitting in it moron it's just vehicle....otherwise a nuclear bomb would be at the top but without a person controlling it these are just items

[@Revenkin]

Ohh no look out Jay .... A empty plane... Ohhhh but really though 3. A mum's sweaty smelly boomer-thong when she hears her kid swear across the house

[@jaydubb774]

@@Revenkin get lost kid you still watch cartoons

[@gooble69]

@@jaydubb774 Ah but without Bruce Lee, then 'Bruce Lee's Martial Art' is 'just an item' moron...

[@kevrenner3889]

The fact that their anti-ship missiles are called Penguins pretty much sums up NZ defence capabilities. We welcome the 7th state to the Commonwealth of Australia 🇦🇺

[@donna6592]

I thought the penguin thing was cute too, but they can stay as their own country.

[@jeep1943]

Realistic outcome: Australia invades, have a big piss up with our Kiwi brothers, then invites them back for an even bigger piss up and a game of cricket or rugby.

[@edwardbakadingo4261]

Netball

[@BWNSPTV]

New Zealand has an excellent defence strategy it's almost impossible to invade, and the best part about it, at least as far as the Kiwis are concerned is it costs them nothing. It's called Australia.

[@michaelsinclair8018]

There is no way, EVER, that a member of the Australian Defence Force would harm a Kiwi. We would end up defending them from ourselves.

[@Melbournelost66]

Impossible, we are brothers in arms!

[@tSp289]

I saw the NZ navy once. It was parked between a couple of yachts. Having said that, never underestimate the lethal effect of Maori with sharp sticks.

[@utoob7361]

New Zealand's Air Force insignia is a flightless bird, which is appropriate, since they have no planes.

[@rogueryan7438]

Australia vs new zealand would be like Spain vs Portugal, one side simply overpowering the over by a huge margin

[@dylanshane]

lol as an aussie, kinda funny in a alternative universe scenario in which Australia just randomly decides to pummel New Zealand militarily. You forgot to mentionBinkov that New Zealand would try and scare us aussies off with their little hakka dance. their most potent weapon hahaha.

[@Gabriel-l]

would the hakka work?

[@animewatch4213]

There probably an alternative universe with ultra-nationalist ruling Australia that wants to conquer all of SEA like Imperial Japan did.