Mental Health and the Youtube Content Treadmill

Xisuma Says Playlist ► • Xisuma Says
Xisuma opens up about his mental health in a recent Hermitcraft live stream.
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Edited by ‪@SkyfighterZX‬
0:00 Obsessed with creativity?
2:44 Getting off the content treadmill
4:31 Surrounded by metrics
6:09 Focus on what's important
8:46 Looking at strengths and talents
10:26 The future of Xisuma's content
#xisumasays #xisumavoid #mentalhealth

[@rekrap2]

"DF KZbin" and "Goodbye Metrics" are great chrome extensions for managing KZbin studio analytics and general KZbin browsing. I've found them extremely useful. I'd also like to thank you for these videos. 2 years ago I got into Sam Harris's mediation app after you mentioned it. Many of these videos have changed the way I view life.

[@randomentertainment3302]

Wow, I gotta give that a try

[@h3artless__]

ooo nice rek!

[@notreallyginger5831]

Huh, I didn't know rek watched these videos

[@TrueSlugcat]

It makes me ridiculously happy that Rekrap watches Xisuma.

[@plighting_clips]

​@@TrueSlugcatagree

[@raptargh]

“Another thing on the list that I’ll never have time to watch”. Damn, that hit home. I have more shows in my watchlist than I could ever possibly watch. I need to just stop.

[@GSBarlev]

Same. To do lists have long been the bane of my mental well-being. When there's a piece of content--a movie, a TV series, even a book--that I feel it's vital that I see, I schedule time to see it on the opening weekend or the day after it airs. I got to experience _Dune_ that way, and I felt so much richer having experienced it like that. Sadly, I sat on _Everything Everywhere All At Once_ and missed its run in theaters, and so now it's sitting in decision paralysis limbo, even though I was beyond hyped for every part of the film from the millisecond I heard it was coming.

[@edwardrocca]

I'm so warmed by the community response to this video. Nearly every comment is a personal story about people in your fanbase going through similar experiences and showing support. You are not alone in this, and it's okay to take a moment for yourself :). In fact, it should be a priority!

[@Tom_Shepperd143]

I love zisumasays. I feel like it's the most interesting part of Xisuma. The most candid and heartfelt Xisuma. The true you that isn't concerned with what other people think, but the you that just wants to be you. It's beautiful.

[@AnnaMeowBooks]

I'm really proud of you for noticing this and sharing it. Even the easiest things can get difficult at times, just remember to take it easy and put yourself first. Take your time, no pressure, and we're here for you.

[@grimlenvods2715]

Xisuma you are such a huge inspiration to me. I’ve also been going through that sort of reflection and catching behaviors of mine that are unhealthy and I’ve had to make some big and honestly painful changes to correct it. Thank you for being open and honest with your thoughts and just know whatever direction you decide to take yourself you have mine, and a good chunk of the fan base’s support. I know it might sound like a given but I’ve found having that unconditional support from my loved ones has been helping me through this a lot, and I want to pay that forward. I’m super excited to see whatever changes you make, whether that’s more or less or different content. I’m excited to see you happy and continue to be that awesome person you are. 💕💕💕

[@hollowknightenjoyer]

Kinda unfitting so sry but why do u call urself grimlen vods if u have no vods

[@JediSentinal]

well said 😄

[@St_Banian]

3:34 yeah this is why i separate my working and resting place. it tends to snap me into a mood of working when i’m in that environment. you see that a lot with others too; cafes and libraries filled with busy people effected by the people and environment they surround themselves in. although i guess it would be harder for content creators who work online since we do almost everything online now.

[@GSBarlev]

My grandmother was a social worker and had a great saying: "When you're in the basement, you have basement thoughts." The worst thing I ever did for my mental health was deciding to work out of my "man cave" during the pandemic--it means that I can no longer derive any joy from that space. The _best_ thing I did--and far too late--was get a coworking space just so I could avoid "homing from work."

[@DoomThinking]

Industrial Designer here: it is important to keep realising that ideas and thoughts are impossible to be formed in a void. So usually when doing creative work there is inspiration and output. Some times it is good to take in lots of wonderful stuff, while other times it might be a struggle to form those ideas into practise. But it is always important to balance taking in and putting out, if one of the two is out of balance, you start to run on fumes. You might spend 8 hours working on a problem one day, you'd have solved wihtin minutes on another, the linear relationship between effort and result just isn't there in the same way it would be for let's say a administrative worker. Taking in fresh ideas, people, and impulses (and taking the time to reflect on them) are just as important as creating output, espacially when you do creative work professionally. I always compare a creative mind to a rubber band, or a sponge, it is not going to go any better if you overstretch it, so please take your time my man. We'll be here :)

[@KTen911]

Hey X. I can't imagine how hard it must be to separate metrics from your success when that is the easiest metric of success and your livelihood. I'm glad you're trying to dissociate success and metrics for your sake. You've inspired and impacted so many people in positive ways, which I believe to be the most important measure of success.

[@antonkisiel366]

People go through a life crisis one a decade. It is good to reset and rediscover all the other people inside you who need time at the surface.

[@raven_raven2727]

Thank you for sharing all of this. You and your way of approaching things in general inspires me.

[@Satera1]

Я Я

[@fizzle7421]

Chasing the algorithm seems like the most exhausting and unfulfilled thing a person could possibly do, tbh. I think that's how a lot of people like yourself or mumbo end up in this position and there's no doubt in my mind that that pressure is real. Good luck, x. Thank you, too, btw

[@MandaPetite]

I removed all social medias on my phone. Did wonders for my mental health. Do what makes you happy. We only have one life and it's not worth wasting even a second of it being stressed or anxious if you do not have to. Always enjoy your videos and hearing your thoughts.

[@_M_643]

It's similar to me. I barely use social media (apart from youtube), only using it when I need some information. Just do what you enjoy.

[@_M_643]

@Luis Suazo Personally, if I decided to start a channel (which I might do in the future). I won't care about statistics, but they would be fun to watch. It's not that hard not to care about statistics if that isn't your main goal.

[@Intrafacial86]

The secret beauty of working at a job you loathe for a boss you hate is that you can go home and leave it all behind at the end of the day. When doing what you love as your own boss, it’s easy to get burned out and begin to resent yourself both as a employer _and_ as a employee. Learn to be a better boss of yourself by providing reasonable expectations and knowing when it’s time to “clock out”, then I think you’ll find that you’ll naturally improve as an employee. Fretting over all the ways you could be doing better is the equivalent of having your boss calling you off the clock at 3am asking you to make up a report on some trivial crap. Set internal boundaries between your employer self and employee self.

[@kektics3074]

I’ve also been on a mental health struggle as of late, main thing I realized I need to practice is slowing down instead of grabbing onto my thoughts as they come and go, it kinda felt like I was chasing my own or other people’s tails for a long time trying to keep up

[@crazemase5788]

Of all hermits, you have THE best work ethic I've ever seen, you pump out episodes so fast and with such high quality that it's insane, take all the time you need

[@i_ate_an_ant]

Something I've been getting a lot out of over the past two years and recommending to people is Richard Schwartz's book No Bad Parts. I have an anxiety disorder and have had a lot of intrusive thoughts and negative thinking patterns and I used to deal with them by trying to control them and minimize them. But this book has helped me to learn about what those thoughts really want for me, and usually they're just trying to take care of you in some way. Not to say you shouldn't change your behavior, but those parts that are continually asking you for something probably have unfulfilled needs you aren't noticing. And while listening to them and finding out what you really need can be difficult this book helps a lot.

[@baraapudding]

6:30 that sounds like an absolutely great idea X. You won't probably read this, but if you do I want you to know that I'm a fan of your content for years and even my girlfriend loves your content! It has gotten to a point where I value your (and other hermits) fun way more than my own fun watching (sounds kinda weird but let me explain), because I definitely notice when you are just having a great time making content and that energy definitely translates to the video. And you don't have to be afraid about us (your loyal fan base), because we will always be here, watching your videos, even when we grow older and even lose interest in Minecraft itself (I haven't played minecraft for a very long time but I just enjoy watching you and the other hermits have fun and make amazing things). So tl;dr, you should definitely do what you makes your heart beats faster! We will be here and support you! And we will definitely respect the life choices you make. Have a great day X. And you're definitely not alone in feeling stressed out or burned out or whatever because almost everyone will experience that! But I know you are strong and smart enough to overcome that and feel fullfilled in life again 😊

[@scientificthesis]

I so so so wish I was as fluent in expressing such things as you do on in this channel.

[@johnwhittaker311]

Some very interesting points in this video. I would say that unhappiness, or suffering, is caused by attachment, desire, and the constant perusal of temporary pleasures. Living in the moment will definitely help, as well as letting go. It’s good to have goals, to plan and to excel in what you do, but if that’s causing you to suffer, then it’s better to focus on the present. You can try to plan to experience and do great things in the future, but there’s no guarantee you’ll get to do them or that they’ll be as good as you think they will be. There is a guarantee that the happiness will be temporary. Longer lasting happiness can only be found when we stop chasing pleasures and learn to be accepting of the present moment.

[@_M_643]

Completely agree except for attachments. There is nothing wrong with caring about something except if that something is making you suffer.

[@johnwhittaker311]

@@_M_643 there’s nothing wrong with attachment per se, but it is a cause of suffering. For example, it’s good to care about our family, but when our parents pass away or when our children suffer, we suffer ourselves because we care about them. It’s only by non-attachment that we can fully cease to suffer. Then we can be compassionate to all living beings whilst having truly understood and accepted their fleeting nature. This is my understanding of the world as a Buddhist, anyway, feel free to disagree

[@_M_643]

@John Whittaker Yeah, I understand your point. People just see the world differently. I personally care about things and don't like the concept of being detached from care about specific things. It's just part of who you are as a person for me, but I respect your point of view.

[@GSBarlev]

Put another way: one cannot control external forces, only one's reactions to them and how they influence one's own behavior. Loved X's call-out of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, also known by its original name (as CBT's early proponents explicitly lampshaded) *Stoicism*

[@LeeGoGators]

Your comments on ticking over into your videos and being obsessed isn’t too weird. I’m getting my PhD in astrophysics and I notice the same thing with myself, when there’s something you spend so much time doing it’s normal to see that. The key is to not let that take away from other things you want to do, so I make sure not to let astro take away from when I’m hanging out with friends and family and allow myself to turn my brain off. I think getting rid of studio and stuff like that is good, I have made efforts to get rid of slack and outlook on my phone, or at least turning notifications off. If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing and don’t want to do it, that’s when you need a breather. Over the winter holidays I’ve been able to step away and reset after a very busy past few months. Sometimes that’s necessary. Oddly content creation and academia have a surprising amount of similarities in pressures, it may be interesting to chat with cub, who has dealt with both. I know I am also changing themes for this coming few months, focused on self improvement, enjoying time with others, building connections, and letting my past year or so of hard work speak for itself. There’s a mentality of constant self improvement that is idolized, and that’s fine, but only to an extent. Sometimes it’s ok to hold position in a race if it means you can run for longer, this is endurance not a sprint. Good luck X!

[@lukeink2640]

I don't think I've ever related to someone on this level in a long time

[@claytonramstedt3191]

Years ago when I was still in school, I got to the point where I lost the ability to have fun because the things that I felt were fun I also considered a waste of time. I had an unhealthy relationship with productivity. Fast forward to today, and when I look at all of the different media that I consume, I think I’ve now developed an unhealthy relationship with fun and entertainment. I’ve intuited what was going for about a week now, but your video has helped me articulate my feelings. Thanks man! That being said, I heard echos of both of my experiences in your musings, so I thought I would share and maybe give you another angle to view things from.

[@_M_643]

I think I kinda understand you. Lately, my brain has also associated types of entertainment as a waste of time, and even tho I enjoy doing said things, I can not feel the same fun and excitement as before. It's really annoying how one bad association or opinion can cause the brain to completely change the perception of things. However, I will still do said things because I still know I enjoy it.

[@Estarfigam]

X do what you need to do. The only metric you should worry about is your enjoyment of what you make. If you are not enjoying it, who will?

[@Imperial_Squid]

Privilege and struggle are not mutually exclusive and recognising that is key to giving yourself space to acknowledge what you're going through. I'm a PhD student who gets a stipend from my university so I have a stunning amount of privilege in terms of making my own free time, choosing where, when and how I work, I don't have to do a job to support myself at the same time as my studies, I have a wealth of resources and people I can call on if I need to. BUT none of that doesn't mean what I do isn't mentally taxing and doesn't erase my struggle at all, it doesn't mean I don't burn out, it doesn't mean I don't have days that just end up being unproductive,, those things still absolutely happen. Privilege and struggle are not opposite sides of the scales, they each influence the other but they don't negate each other...

[@Phlucious]

Xisuma I would love to see you read The Road Back To You and hear you ponder what you’ve learned about yourself from that book. I think the self awareness from the enneagram would bring you clarity on a lot of the things you’ve actively pondered here.

[@ddlsr]

~5:20, I love the phrase "programme myself", such a good way to describe it

[@ashes4162]

Proud of you for recognizing the need to throttle back on the youtube grind and allow yourself the "indulgences" that some take for granted. Hope you find more things that bring you joy outside of youtube and content creation

[@Squish-E]

It’s important to take care of yourself first, take as much of a break as you need and don’t feel pressured to come back before you’re ready :) hope you’re doing ok

[@davidanoble]

Recently I started cutting corn syrup out of my diet as much as possible. I used to love soda and all sorts of other things that have corn syrup in them, but the more I cut it out the more I can't stand it. It's like there was some massive negative effect that I had simply become tolerant to. I have more energy now. It's like corn syrup was almost bloating me. Thing is, I started noticing other things in my life, things that aren't food, that seem good but just kind of clog up the system of how I spend my time. I've been cutting those out, too. It's harder but even more impactful. Instead of bloating your system with more of the same mass-produced content, take a walk or something and actually digest the content that you've already consumed. Pick apart why you did or didn't like it. Not only will it improve your appreciation for good content, it will also improve your own content. The first step is to cut out the bloat. The key mechanism for doing that is _discernment_ .

[@plumper303]

I have this almost exact same problem with projects I want to complete. Every second I do things I always think in the back of my mind how time could be spent on those projects. It’s draining my overall enjoyment of life and also my creativity which further disables my ability to make progress. My entire judgement of myself has become what I can make because I’ve formed this picture of myself as “the creative guy” or “the smart one” etc. Because of this, whenever I don’t fulfill these “expectations” which are mostly my own, I feel disappointed. Every time I open Minecraft now I just have this overwhelming sense of dread and I end up closing it and watching mindless KZbin stuff or something. Even when I do push past this my severe lack of creativity and mental block practically suffocates me. It’s not healthy and I haven’t really found the best method for dealing with it in my case other than just taking a break and enjoying life, but the point of this was to show you that you’re not alone and multiple people out there relate. I realize this comment was quite self-centered and I apologize, but I really hope your mental status improves. Remember, take it at your own pace because many of your fans, I suspect are in it for you and your personality, and not exactly the content itself. The point is, many of us care about you and some of us can even relate. We all wish you the best on your break or whatever you decide to do. You don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations. This has been one long, only slightly sappy comment that I very much underestimated in terms of length, but I hope this helps, and I hope you feel better Xiuma. We all do.

[@knus1959]

Hi xisuma :) Happy New Year for you and your family and friends. :) I think there are many youtubers or others who have turned their hobby into their livelihood, who find it difficult to detach themselves from that work, instead spending a little more time living life. And as JoeHills usually says, he doesn't think in terms of numbers from his sub list or how many people watch him when he live streams, but only in what he does that he himself can vouch for and which ultimately gives him a amount that can finance his bills for him and his daughter and a little extra on top of that. But I can see the problem in that some people constantly focus on making new content, and preferably better than the previous ones. I don't know the amount that you earn by making videos and live streaming, but I assume that you are not as concerned about your earnings as JoeHills is. And as long as you feel joy in what you do, don't worry about outdoing yourself with extra work that makes you feel like you're constantly on a treadmill. I also know it's easier said than done, but remember, we only live once. You will regret it when you get old and can't do the things you can do today. Don't put anything off until later, because no one knows the future. :)

[@andrewbrown2038]

X started watching you in Xisumas world days. It's easy for us to tell you what to do or not do, when it's your livelihood at stake. However, I would just say do what you enjoy, take time to care for yourself, and we will be here to support you. I agree maybe taking a break from the metrics and analytics, might give you the extra mental space to rest and recharge.

[@CW-qw9nx]

Being able to recognize and dismiss those negative thoughts is a thing that many people struggle with doing, and don't even know to do, so you already having gotten to that point means that you are way ahead on the road to achieving good mental health! And "me time", so to speak, is a much needed part of mental health, since always doing things to please others won't satisfy your own needs. So, I think that your plan for paying less attention to the grind and more to your own desires is a good one, and you should take all the time that you need, and continue on that route.

[@ghostlyapples]

Whatever you need to do, we're here for you buddy! I'm not even a creator and i felt the need last year to significantly diminish my time online. I felt my brain being fried by the sheer speed of internet itself. Took the year to read more and watch films, which proved to be a challenge to my now shortened attention span. I'm sure it's not the same thing but breaks are needed. You're not a cog in a machine, you're our (doom) guy. Wishing you all the best!

[@murruelaflaga]

I have to agree. When I started my new job I struggled to enjoy life because I never had time for much of the stuff I did before. I focused far more on what I couldn't do instead of the things I could enjoy in the time I had. Once I just did things for the joy and stopped looking at all the things had hadn't done, my mental health got a lot better. Enjoy the stuff you do makes living life way easier and far better then if you didn't otherwise, regardless of if it'll do well or not.

[@Ultraramage]

A lot of what you said in the first part of the video resonated with me quite a bit. I know beyond Minecraft you also embark in musical endeavors, which leads me to believe you to be a "creative person" in general. I too feel this way, and have felt what you have described. I love Minecraft. Building different things and seeing what my brain can come up with. But sometimes I just really don't. But that's where I'm glad to be a "creative person" in general; so that I can turn my creativity elsewhere. I too am also musical, and I get this same feeling with my instruments as well. Sometimes I'll go *months* without touching my guitar, other times it's all I can think about. And I'm thankful for the options! When I find myself at a "creative crossroads" of sorts, I find that nothing but creativity can cure it. About a year ago I went through a pretty good depression, and one of the things that helped me a lot was finding new creative outlets to scratch that itch. Minecraft wasn't doing it, I didn't want to play guitar or anything, so I went outside and went on I hike. On that hike I found a stick. Brought it home, cured it, and turned it in to a beautiful walking stick. And that scratched a similar itch for me. I did woodworking with my grandpa as a boy, and hadn't really considered it since but suddenly it was all i could do. It filled that obsessive/ creative niche and was so reinvigorating for me. I spent hours in my garage building tables, cabinets and various things. I learned how to carve wood. It was very fun and refreshing. Maybe that's what you need? I don't know if it's "Minecraft" for you in general, or maybe Hermitcraft specifically, or content creation in general but... sounds to me like you gotta do something different for a bit. Sorry for the rant but I hope it helps in some way. Also I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I hope soon you get clarity

[@Monarchsfan02]

This video seriously hit me hard.. having a mental health problem and not understood.. this really hit me hard

[@krazyoldkatlady192]

I think people are going to watch your content no matter what you do because you are so enjoyable to spend time with.

[@NikolisKitchen]

Focusing on yourself and doing right by your mental health is such a great thing, X. Mind you I'm not a full-time creator like you, but I stopped putting pressure on myself to do anything outside of what I truly enjoy doing. If I abruptly stop something in a series or move to a different series, that's fine by me. If something is wearing me thin, or if I've got "too much on my plate" as it were, I am just becoming okay with letting it go. It's hard and it takes work all the time. Remember above all else to prioritize you and your mental health and happiness. I also took it upon myself to detox on stuff on my phone, especially social media. I gave up Twitter completely and barely use Facebook these days. Not quite in the same vein as removing access to some of the KZbin stuff for you, maybe, but I know even all of THAT started to feel overwhelming to me and I seriously needed to dial it back. I think that there's just so much in this world, and this life, that demands our attention and pulls at the threads of our mental health. Keep taking good care of yours, whatever it takes.

[@davidchait946]

Brilliant book busy reading is “The Subtle Art of not giving a F***”… Mark Manson.. excellent at prioritising what is important.

[@Dogflamingo]

Literally just searched for this channel and this vid pops up

[@zeneomaple]

mental health is ALWAYS the most important thing. no matter what, so do what you need to help with your own mental health. thank you for sharing :)

[@cassiel2788]

X, look into “Thinking Errors” if you haven’t ever seen them spoken about in therapy. I have them printed on my fridge to remind me to challenge them when they crop up. Helps, not a cure all. But does help realign those low days.

[@penelope7372]

I think you have created this community which has such an open mind aspect and I think that it’s a nice thing. And the community that on a whole want people to be able to take a break and take a breather. Maybe doing for a while a digital detox may help for you and others in the same situation. Even if you take a longer than anticipated break we will still be here not waiting more so checking in once in a while.

[@Mellwehn]

It's not about having time, but rather to make time for what matters to you.

[@Ainiria]

It is okay to not succeed. The reason for non-success may be something completely out of your control. But I know it's incredibly hard to get into that mindset after always wanting and needing success. I struggled with my master thesis, so much, that it went on for years and I saw my whole life plan crumble before my eyes. I realized, I was running after success in that field of study to please my family more than myself, who was actually totally okay with whatever I would do instead, as I discovered. Now, years later, I still don't have a new life plan or goal, but it helped me greatly to realize that I have all the options! If one thing doesn't work out, try another. There's always a way.

[@jasonpritchard3840]

Very insightful. I'd love to sit and have deep conversation with you about everything and nothing. I don't get a huge amount of time to take in your Twitch streams but the few I have I think I enjoy the "waffling" as much if not more than the game play. Thanks for all that you do and done for us. Happy New Year

[@robin_dadokid]

I am usually not a person that comments on other peoples videos, but here I really had to. I have felt similar and your video and the tips / ideas you shared in it really helped me with the neverending fear I had that I would lose the passion for what I love doing the most. From now on I will try and take it slow. You inspire me loads, and take all the time you need.

[@StarNanny]

yep…..it’s called FOMO…..you need to turn off notifications on all those apps….Netflix, etc. They do count on that reaction. I don’t allow any apps to do that to me. I don’t want any tech trying to predict and project what I “might/will want”, right down to spell check. I refused a fancy mouse with all kinds of buttons because it would try to predict stuff, clicking “for me”, and always “choosing” wrong. So annoying. All my stuff is basic with absolutely no AI, or the AI is disabled. I want to choose what I do. Period.

[@subsonicdeathmonkey]

Yes, I enjoyed the waffle. Thank you for being generous and open with yourself 💕 Will comment on the photo you posted.

[@clarar9074]

The pace at which content is created, put out and meant to be watched (on all social media platforms) is generating enormous stress. I feel like as a creator u are on both sides, being stressed to create and to consume. Which is a lot to tackle. Generally I´d like to remind everyone (including myself) that all problems are valid, all thoughts are valid and all feelings are meant to be felt. And as long as u can remind yourself of that from time to time u will find the turning point for change of behavior. At somepoint u will just feel that something needs to change and hopefully at that point u have the energy to actually change something. But I also feel like this only works if u are already a reflective persona, but if u are, u can trust in yourself to find these turningpoints. Hope all of u do well, don´t forget to look after yourselfes and don´t feel guilty about the things that u think u need to do for yourself

[@RoyteMode]

Gotta keep your boundaries where you're healthy and happy. Every job can consume you if you allow it.

[@ryko3698]

I will say, you’re not the only one feeling this way, so you’re not alone here. But part of it is due to the lockdowns that happened in 2020-2021 and another part is KZbin’s fault, as far as viewer dip goes. Don’t worry people will still watch your videos and love you no matter what you choose to give us. So take your time and do what’s best for you.

[@oxybrightdark8765]

You’re worth more than your “output”. You have intrinsic value, and I hate modern society for hiding that from people.

[@takbanan619]

I hope you get better soon! I always have fun watching you. Even if you are just talking in somebody else's video, it is probably my favorite part of the video. Hope you have a great bettering with focus on quality and not the speed of it.

[@projectarduino2295]

My two cents, like many other people here like to give. I remember a quote I heard once, “there are to many stars to count so enjoy the ones you see”. The world is so complex, it is physically impossible to experience everything in even a dozen lifetimes, so do not try to experience everything, it just can’t happen. The same with ideas, many are going to have to be abandoned especially if your creative as you can’t make every ambition or idea happen as it takes time to make them happen and there are only 24 hours in a day. Regarding mental health and making content, know this: you make a living in a platform indifferent to mental well-being. The metrics KZbin uses are entirely indifferent to the human experience as it’s focus is retention and reliability for the sake of add space, nothing more. Fighting for every view easily can persuade you to sacrifice somethings inside you just to keep numbers high, especially if you live off those numbers, but that thing inside you is very important and is often why we come back in the first place. The one thing I find over and over again is that aiming for higher numbers is not the best approach long term, but rather providing something which keeps you energized and happy, which allows you to keep making videos we like to watch works. Fads burn bright, but burn quickly so they need to be cycled through; who you are and want to be is a consistent light, while not as bright, can be fostered for a lifetime and will never fade. Fighting for views often does not take into account that many more times than not, viewership is impacted by more things than video quality. It’s January now, people come off breaks and vacations from work, they simply have less hours to spend and that unfortunately means some sacrifices in what they do with their time. It’s natural, it’s normal. Life is not all ups, there are some downs too. You can do nothing different and views can still fluctuate wildly. None of this is nice to hear, but it is the unfortunate truth of the world as far as I know. Better to work with the truth then against it. Best of luck going forward.

[@gnolfo]

January is supposedly the best month for taking a month's break from KZbin since revenue is apparently lowest during January. Make of that what you will.

[@zachdailygames]

You are my FAVORITE Minecraft KZbinr. I love, love, LOVE watching your videos. Enjoy taking a break. I look forward to seeing whatever you produce next. My recommendation is to do remember to do something fun every single day.

[@jack-9108]

What do I want - thats what you have to find out. And the answer will likely change over time, especially if you've reached a goal like becoming "successful" on youtube. Trying to find out what you want is something to live for in and of itself.

[@thetable123]

Take a holiday, understand that we'll be here when you're ready.

[@ashenbreese]

we love you, x, and we are grateful for what you give to us as a community and as individuals. i feel like that is what should always come first, hokey as it sounds, the love, one way or the other. that being said, i think it's a big part of why hermitcraft has been so successful; it isn't the algorithms or formulas, it is good people doing something they love for a community that loves them. with that in mind, and i kinda hate myself for being so presumptuous about this, especially, as you, x, would know better than any of us, i just can't help but think of mumbo as i watch this video. i feel like he has gone through a lot of what you seem to be expressing, and this may be part of why we have not see much of him of late. whatever you do, i hope you fully understand that you (very much like scar) are far more than just a content creator to us. many of us don't just watch to see the next thrilling thing. we have grown and suffered right alongside the hermits, as people. (seriously, if you haven't read some of the comments in scar's videos, they can be quite inspiring. these are people, not just fans.) i think that is one thing that really sets the hermitcraft culture apart from other such things. scar in particular stands out to me on this as he, with all of his issues, has been SO INSPIRING to so many of us, and, as he has said many times, that seems to be a two way street. i hope you find what you need to find, x, and know that we will always be here supporting you.

[@TrancorWD]

Those self indulgences, those moments to take time for yourself, if anything will make your content better in the long run. Mental stimulation spawning new ideas, and it a way to relax and let you digest your day. Like you were mentioning. It's not the point you were making, but for how often it seems creators loose a sense of self, catering to the masses and not their well being... The whole of their personality begins to revolve around the limited scope they exist within. Not just content creators, but creators lives and personalities are more at the forefront. Those who came before me Lived through their vocations From the past until completion They will turn away no more -Blue Monday

[@project_swift]

I can offer some possible insights 👍 I've done a lot of work-from-home stuff. I've started two business from home, and I've had a big consulting gig for a large company over 5 years. One of the big challenges was ensuring that my work life and home life didn't bleed together too much. I found that when I was working, I would be thinking about home stuff. And when I was relaxing, I found myself working about work stuff. So everything blended together and I was less effective for a while as I became burnt out. So I have removed all notifications from my phone (except text messages). I have made a 'Home Office' space so that I'm not working and playing in the same space. And I've had to train myself to be pretty protective of giving myself at least one day off a week. I'm not sure if this is quite contributing to what you're experiencing, but I hope it helps. Best of luck my dude. You're a good egg 😀

[@stranger0791]

you just need to do what's best for you. take a break whenever you need to, we don't mind. and anyone who would complain about it just needs to realize that you are human to.

[@KawazoeMasahiro]

Huh... I've been in a similar situation myself. I've caught myself turning my hobbies into work. It's like... I've spent so much energy succeeding in life that when I'm trying to have fun, to disconnect, it's not just that I think about work, it's that the ceremonies of work inscribes themselves into everything around me making it hard to disconnect. Eventually, it feels like I'm always working, like I just have to continue working and be productive all of the time. I'm very curious to hear how you manage to deal with this. Maybe it will help me outgrow this as well.

[@DoubleKing11]

I'm really glad to hear this X! If you're ever up to it, I would love to hear your thoughts or advice on this "cognitive behavior" which you mentioned. Maybe a video where you explain how you learned to see certain thoughts coming and how you managed to handle them better in the future. Glad to hear you're taking steps to make your work more enjoyable!

[@GSBarlev]

If you're interested in self-serving, and modern psychology just seems too intimidating, you should know that the original proponents of CBT recognized that they were simply rebranding a much older concept: *Stoicism* Finding that out and reading some Wikipedia articles and Cliff's notes on Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus really helped me contextualize and truly _grok_ what my therapist had been working with me on for months.

[@BetheCog]

Wishing you all the best!

[@celtandkiwi]

That idea of “what if” really struck a chord

[@MadMeeper]

X, I work for a big animation studio in LA, I'm not a content creator, but I live and work in an incredibly aggressively corporate style of content generation. There is more content now than there ever was, there's no way to keep up... I had to let go after a while. Let yourself be unconcerned with keeping up with media, because at the end of the day all these big companies want is your view time and attention so they can run ads and profit off of YOUR TIME. Please don't feel guilt over not being able to watch a thing. I think disconnecting from social media is the #1 thing to do. Delete it off your phone, install add blockers, use plugins to hide metrics, and let those streaming platforms you dont spend a lot of time using anyway go. It quiets the mind. I find a small discord server where I can chat with friends is much more fulfilling than scrolling twitter. You're in a unique position where you've got the audience to experiment. I really appreciated the stretch you took in Hermitcraft S8 where you tried to do storytelling, even if you didn't find it was for you. Stretching yourself creatively is a good thing, but also allowing your mind rest and doing what's comfortable is an important part of the process as well. If you find your head's fuzzy, step away. I quit a job over similar feelings and the break I took after the fact was re invigorating. Lastly, find a new hobby, or return to an old one. Something that fires your brain up and gets you excited. For me, it was Dungeons and Dragons (collaborative storytelling is my jam), for some of my friends it was returning to play old instruments, or getting into photography, or learning how to draw - things that have nothing to do with their day job. And the most important thing is to not let yourself get guilt ridden over it, and to try and push the annoying brain worm out of "how should I make content of this" You don't need to make content of everything you do. You should be able to do things for yourself, let it be just that, and give yourself space to walk away. You'll burn out hard enough that there wont be any embers left to kindle the next fire.

[@mrstigglesworth6346]

It's absolutely vital to do things that regenerate your health and wellbeing away from your work. These things refill your internal energy and your ability to then give more to your work and improve your performance. You can't drive a car with no fuel, you can't keep working with out refueling yourself x your fuel is something that you enjoy and helps you be yourself. X

[@ToCoSo]

I think so many of us are becoming aware of our addiction to likes and views and how relying on that buzz from succeeding ends up having such a negative effect. Especially as the metrics are created by an algorithm that wants to make more people interact with you, thus raising their income. I think you should feel established and also a truly interesting person who so many of us follow be a use of who you are not how much content you create. It must be a hard lifestyle to change but I think you are a good person to do it. Removing yourself from the metrics will be very good but you may then need to fill the buzz that it can give you. But I trust you are good at looking after yourself dude. You are a great guy, never doubt it.

[@cenedraleaheldra5275]

X I dont know you but from where I see and hear you. You are a wonderful thoughtful young man. Your thoughtful to other and you give yourself credit and open yourself to healthy thoughts. We all have doubts. I think it is amazing you know what you do good. Then go for it. There is nothing wrong with you having this platform. You dont abuse it. You use it for conversations. We need more conversations in society. Less confrontation. If you see this comment I would suggest reading Eckhart Tolle books. Power of Now is his first and the very best book to read. Take care. Enjoy Now.

[@hermitcollector]

Really good discussion!

[@ryanmcintyre3616]

It all depends on what you want to get out of this experience. If you want a successful channel, first you have to define what that success looks like to you, and then take the steps necessary to achieve that. If you're looking not necessarily for a successful channel but one that brings fulfillment, shift your focus to what makes you feel fulfilled. Do you want a balanced melding of the two? I know you stated on your community tab of the main channel that you were looking to figure out what was going on in your mind, and that you welcomed outside perspectives, but ultimately none of us have a greater insight to your mind that yourself. Unfortunately a lot of this is going to involve questions only you can answer, but that's the kind of journey all of us must take many many times throughout our lives.

[@mysticalmaid]

It wouldn't hurt to touch in with short term counselling to make sense of things, it can provide that outer voice at times like this, because sometimes we get in our own way despite best intentions. It's not the easiest time of year in Britain, so dark and gloomy which can affect our mood, which affects our thought processess, I find a dawn simulator (body clock) and light therapy very helpful in these dark months.

[@deez7015]

Opportunity is different from person to person. Don’t ever feel bad because you have more than someone else, just keep in mind what you have and what others do not. That’s what will help keep ego and such in check. X, you’re a great person. Do what you can to maintain balance like it sounds like you are. Your head seems like it’s in the right place. don’t doubt it, cuz it’s really all you got.

[@hairyaebdullah2172]

The universe definetly aligns, was feeling similiar feelings regarding things outside ones control, just gotta "let go n enjoy the show" cheers X :]

[@hangryjohnny]

What about starting a xisumacorp? I'll work (part time) for you if there's room but basically - delegate someone to manage your viewer numbers and work on goals. You have your editor. Maybe a social manager for xisuma content on certain platforms(while leaving you control of others). Then, meet weekly or biweekly - arrange goals and tasks for the period, and then everyone does their bit. You only watch the parts you delegate to yourself in that time frame and that way you can get control of your time again.

[@soulwolf9489]

Yeah content creating can be very tiring hope that your taking care of yourself!

[@GamesWithNobodies]

4:17 I understand the feeling. Don't miss out on life because of numbers. The people who stick around are the people you want, anyways. A number is just a number, but the people who care about you and what you do are the people who are gonna say "hey man, take a break, we'll be here when you get back." There's a TON of those people there with you, trust them :D 5:47 You know people are going to rag you for this because they want the success you have, but they aren't the people to listen to. (I only bring it up so you're prepared, which I know you already are.) As cliché as it is, listening to the nay-sayers is the easiest thing to do and the worst decision :P Just cuz you succeeded doesn't mean you have to keep going. Enjoy what you've succeeded in and do what suits you. Don't let those who are envious of your success keep you from doing something you want. 11:00 No need to fill in everyone, no matter what you pick someone will be upset. Your fans and friends will be happy with whatever you pick because we care about you :D You're a good guy, Xisuma. Looking forward to how this change in thought will direct your next steps in your life. If there's anything I can do, even just to vent, I'm happy to help.

[@DieBrunovsky]

I am a creator, making jewels for money. I decided few years ago to take a small break in my life because of stress and health issues. Lots of health issues are caused by the pressure made by companies who constantly need more money, publicity pushing you to buy, government who wants us to work, and algorithms designed by psychos playing us to stay there. I've cut negativity sources in my life (news, movies, violence, and hate I had inside about certain things in life). We built a tiny garden (physically), I relearned to grasp time and hard physical work. A year later the garden grew into a tiny farm with chickens, I learned to grasp life cycle beauty and how body can adapt quickly. I'm now at the 4 years mark in this break, I learned to live positively for myself first and for others (still have work to do on myself, we always do). During first year, I was thinking about possible money issues to realise that when I don't work, I spend a lot less (no gas, no restaurant, no car repairs...). I began to consume life instead of money. This year, I restarted creating, for myself then others instead of money. Money is now a bonus in my life instead of a need. Sometimes we feel in a hurry to do as many things we need or have as much money as possible to feel more free. We first need to do things properly, positively, and in accordance with our valors, to savor and content each moment of our life. And even now, I'm still learning about myself, I learned from you. Thanks

[@brickviking667]

There's a concept of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) here when you're talking about the supposed "need to create" or "need to watch the next wow thi...SQUIRREL!!" (thumbs up if you know the reference). Relax. If you don't "watch that neat thing", you could probably be relaxing with a coffee and taking a well-needed rest from the treadmill. There's always an alternative.

[@GothBoyUK]

Take heed from someone who burned out completely in their thirties - take a break and step away. Don't delay because you don't notice you've hit the tipping point until it's too late. Once you have gone past that point it's very difficult, and sometimes impossible, to recover completely. There's no point worrying about 'the effect on your audience' if you're not going to be able to make new content anyway. Nil desperandum, confide tibimet et carpe diem my friend! 🖤

[@DidaMinecraft]

Hey X, I think "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius would be a worthwhile read to get you over that slump.

[@CaiGwatkin]

It's a good thing to look for new tools and techniques for this kind of thing! Maybe scheduling time for pursuing the analysis/inspiration/problem solving/hoping/dreaming could be useful? Maybe schedule some of that in with another person, so you have to wait until the time you have with them to actually dive into it? I have to forgive myself feelings like this because there's always more to do, but do we always need more? I've had dreams of being a content creator, so many evolving ideas of how I would do it well, many attempts that I have let die off. I have come to the realisation that I actually have way more time than I usually think to achieve my dreams: we don't all have to be the uni drop-out turned billionaire before they're 30! There are amazing people achieving things meaningful to them well into their old age. All the work we do along the way creates the foundation for even greater chance at success in our endeavours. Because, again, there will always be more. In terms of things to do to keep sane while I work on the foundations of my hopes and dreams, I've found that having a session booked in to chat with a counsellor is helpful for choosing to deal with certain thoughts later. Because I know I've set aside the time for it, I can choose to ignore intrusive thoughts (both motivational thoughts and negative thoughts). For example, getting frustrated at work leads to thinking "why am I even putting in the effort here, is it even the right job for me to be putting my time into, will I make a difference in the world?" but I can choose not to spiral out with that thought by realising I have the time to think thru that problem later. The beauty of that is there's also a person who's job it is to coach my out-loud thinking. I believe I do a great job at distilling thoughts into a sentence when I want to think thru a problem in search of a conclusion, but the way my brain works is that I will keep finding new threads to start a tangent on. I intend to get back to the original thoughts, but it's like a choose-your-own-adventure book: at a certain point, it's really hard to get back to the main thread without starting all over again. But starting all over again leads to a greater feeling of urgency in finding some conclusive thought, so instead of it being useful it becomes stressful. Indeed, that happens when I talk with friends about problems I might be working thru, especially because I want to respect their time and not waffle on forever so at a certain point I just choose to stop talking, but I haven't felt like any conclusions have been reached still. Okay, see, now I'm waffling. My original point is that having that third party there, who I know is there to listen and give me the opportunity to talk with less empathy towards their time but instead with more empathy towards my own needs. I used to think my friends were enough for that, but now I see the benefit of it being someone less involved in my life yet who is there in good faith. I would offer my own time for that, but I'm not a professional and I'm only early in my life journey (27): there are likely many better people than me out there for it! I've been really interested in thinking about thinking recently, which I guess is philosophy or something. But what is all thinking worth without some eventual connection, since we kinda only exist because we affect other things, and what better way to connect than one-to-one with another person. I think, with the internet, we put too much emphasis on "influence" across a large number of individuals. I've come to really appreciate and be grateful for unplanned deep connections with few people. And even given all that, sometimes speaking into the void can be more meaningful than speaking to some audience! I feel like I speak into the void with most of my KZbin comments... Especially when I waffle. Maybe you'll read this. Even if not, it helped remind myself of what I'm grateful for related to thinking about thinking :)

[@CaiGwatkin]

Additional thought: Maybe there's something seemingly external to KZbin work that is affecting you? For me, giving up coffee allows me to keep focus on what really matters over reasonable timeframes, whereas drinking coffee means I'm more obsessed with urgency and short term "success."

[@dee2007]

Take care of yourself xisuma ❤

[@hannahlarge5738]

much love

[@richardvalencia4512]

I consider myself a creative and one of the mind prisons I often get trapped in revolves around the idea of Privledge. I was lucky enough to be born in the USA to a upper middle class loving family. I've been given more opportunity that most people on earth and if constantly learning or improving myself I feel I'm squandering this gift. It's irrational and once you realize it's irrational, it becomes easier to manage. I get the feeling that you might be experiencing something similar. You've reached a point in your life where anything is possible, but now that all the limiters have been removed, you don't know what to do. Removing things that cause anxiety sounds reasonable. Leaving all the lights on the house so there are no dark corners may make you feel safer, but it's expensive. Turn off the lights you don't need. If it's too dark a d you stub your toe, turn that one back on. You and the rest of the Hermits inspire me and that is a light that spreads. Tell Mumbo we miss him too.

[@henne2k]

I’ve listend to a lot of inspirational people. Jordan Peterson, Huberman, wilkes, Erik Weinstein, and so on. You are not a bit less inspiring. So much Life experienced. So much willing to better your self. Keep on doing what you doing but always chill every now and then to zoom out. ❤

[@jastrina]

Human beings HAVE to have time off. Even if it is from something that you love. Taking that time off is nothing to apologise for or feel bad about. Look at it from the point of view of trying to save money. If you never let yourself buy anything beyond the essentials, then you will eventually lose it and spend way too much and feel bad about it. But, if you allow yourself to buy something little and even silly once a week or once every few days, it lets you think that you aren't depriving yourself. Same goes for content or work. If you force yourself to always be "on", you'll burn out very quickly. So go watch a movie, or binge at TV show, or read that book you've been meaning to. It will help everything.

[@g3cd]

Well, you certainly are privileged. I created my account a year before you, I've uploaded 2.128 videos so far and I have about 1/100th of your total subscribers, I make like 80 € a month with that. But instead of giving up and giving in to KZbin's algorithm that clearly prefers bigger channels (like yours), I keep doing videos 3 times a week. Why? Well, I enjoy it, I get a lot of positive feedback (which was especially important during lockdown, when I didn't even see my colleagues much - as I obviously still have a daytime job). I sometimes wish I didn't "have to" finish a video, when I'm planning to go out with someone or take a weekend off as this puts me under a lot of stress to finish my stuff "in time". But then on the other hand, doing videos provides some steady frame. Without it, I'd probably procrastinate forever and watch Netflix. And I still dream of making a living off KZbin, for me that's a goal totally worth working for, a lot. You are indeed beyond that … people will probably still watch loads of your old Minecraft tutorials even if you stopped videos for a couple of months and if you loose 100k subs, so what. The only problem would be if you totally stopped making content or become some crazy lunatic like Guude Boulderfist who used to be entertaining but now only tells right wing conspiracy tales. So yeah, you can take it easy. Others can't.

[@ByoumaKoneko]

One of the perks of being a creative person is free therapy. Same as comedians, bloggers etc. It's a 'privilige' but it doesn't make you privileged by virtue of the fact that it you still have to work to make it entertaining enough for people to want to watch it. Try not to stress about your audience. You're ruining your wellbeing to keep up to the minute and relevant, doesn't make your content valuable. You do. No matter what the KZbin algorithm thinks. We tune into you for you and that will continue so long as you want it to.

[@tubathecoolkid6919]

I typically only watch smaller KZbinrs our at least people I feel are in it for the enjoyment ment like etho is a great example and I found this guy who just started his channel can't bubasouros makes terraria and pokemon vids. The more relatable or less unrealistic since of life compared to my own the less likely I am to find a channel fun to watch. In your case I find this kind of talk and freedom around discussions is easy to follow and enjoy.

[@dooplets._.5776]

We all love you shishwammy and you can take as long of a break as you need to feel better :›

I highly recommend you schedule “worrying” time and create mental boundaries between your professional life and your personal life. Like you said, adjust your digital diet and avoid being exposed to these triggers as you develop a new lifestyle and routine that adapts to your change in priorities. It’s still your job, you can look at numbers every now and then, but not have it take mental real estate all the time. That’s the part where mindfulness is very valuable. I’d say you’re a very introspective person and you’ll find what works for you since you have such deep self knowledge. Sorry to hear you’re going through this by the way. I had something similar happen to me at one point. As far as content creator privilege goes, I do not see it as such at all. I’d say if anything you might be offering some space for the community to talk about mental health. Content creators are just normal people that happen to create content. Take care, I love your videos and I hope you feel better soon.

[@kevinkemper2439]

Doing something like watching Rick and Morty can be productive. If you intentionally sit down to watch a show and enjoy yourself, that is productive. We need breaks, and choosing your breaks is party of a healthy schedule.

[@donzid9180]

Wondering if focusing on your “purpose” instead of your “results” will help change your experience and process in a positive way? Good luck! I think you’re on the right track- you seem to understand what you need for your health.

[@Danior78]

As an overthinker - overthinkers overthink about overthinking….

[@Sardoniccurb]

Its good to change it up once in a while and not looking at comments and views bc its draining is very common with social media. So blocking that out will help alot