Year 2 day 256 - 19 November 2024 one of the hardest days for a while

yesterday had a talk with the company doctor going through what was needed for the paperwork for the powers that be. it all became too real. i cried while doing it but survived.
after that there was a meet with someone thats sorting out a helper to do amin now the lady that was helping us has finished. it was all too much for me but needed doing.
stupid me thinking i was ok later tried doing an update on the satellite it went wrong and couldnt think what to do so left it for the night. couldnt sleep head too busy.
carried on with it this morning and it took hours. with me feeling inadequate. something that would take 20 minutes left me broken an feeling less than less. i said to ferdi all i want for my birthday is someone to fix the satellite ive screwed it up. he hugged me and we were good then i got it going.
rested then took him to physio. before he got to the car he fell and couldnt get up. we worked for a while and did it.
everything was so hard. simple things i used to do blindfold were too much. its one of those times i really felt all my abilities have slipped away. i pulled it back but never has something felt so hard to do