Your Agent Is Not Your Friend (Nor Is Your Editor) | Professional Boundaries in Publishing

[@CaughtBetweenPages]

Saving this because my neurodivergent brain will need the reminder if/when I begin my career in the pub industry. Thanks Alexa!!

[@emanuelespinoza9325]

It could help me, too. I am the same way.

[@KatAdVictoriam]

This needs to be essential viewing!!! With people finding their agents via X or Tik Tok, building dysfunctional parasocial relationship, and most people nowadays not knowing what a business/personal boundary is...Oh man this needs explaining and repeating, and more repeating. I've read a ridiculous number of "But my editor is so nice! I don't wanna sound mean and not get worked with if I disagree!" Well...she shouldn't be your buddy. To develop into a better writer and have a good product, hard talks must happen that are par for the course in business. I think it's kind of reflective of how "X isn't real life" but many people don't truly understand that.

[@CKSage-writes]

Two videos?! Alexa! Thanks for sharing your time with us.

[@Rachel-art-and-design]

I don’t understand why some have such a hard time with boundaries. I see it at work too. There are too many personal relationships at work. I am friendly but I think drama comes when you become too personal. It’s hard though for many people.

[@MRuby-qb9bd]

It's hard because you spend more time with your co-workers than friends or family.

[@billhicks8]

Also many people are lonely in modern society, because work and business are valued much higher than community, in both time and space. If life gets busy, friendship is often the first thing to go, even if it is essential to human flourishing

[@billhicks8]

and yes I know that's besides the point of the video!

[@AmandaEngland-r2k]

This is so helpful! I think many authors, at least in the beginning, feel a power imbalance with their agent and editor, and I think some might try and use friendship to level the playing field. This is a good reminder of why it is best to maintain those professional standards, thank you so much!

[@Ykibmh]

To me, just remember that without the author, there would be no book at all. You can still independently publish your own book, but no author = no book.

[@trinaq]

Two Alexa videos in quick succession? It must be Christmas. 🎄🎅 Thanks, Alexa, I'm trying to find an agent at the moment, so this should be beneficial.

[@mikepolo2887]

Honestly, what you are describing are just best practices in any communication, especially with friends and family: you provide just enough information and emotion for a fruitful collaboration and don’t overdo it.

[@AnaPaula-vk3bs]

This is the best advice you could give!

[@mrshade810]

Alexa, I want to thank you. Your advice inspired me to write again. I came across your channel back in May and watched most of your videos, especially the ones where you provide "tough love" advice. I started writing again in May and now I'm one or two chapters away from finishing the first draft for the first volume of my fantasy series. You've reawakened my motivation and I've never been more determined to publish before. I hope that with enough hard work and some luck as well, I'll be able to share my story with you and the world😊

[@trissandradavis7635]

Thank you so much for the advice here, I feel like I can apply it outside the publishing arena too!

[@MeredithSchorr]

This is such a great video. The part about publishers/editors putting mostly everything behind the books that already selling well and it not being personal is especially difficult to swallow, although I know this to be true!

[@ImaginaryMdA]

Boy, am I glad I don't have this issue! (I don't have an agent/editor. *cries*)

[@russellhirsch9198]

Informative, classy, and personable--as always! Thanks for your continued doses of wisdom, Alexa!

[@elizalagonia1049]

It's kind of a "friends from work" relationship. In a go for a drink after work, maybe a backyard BBQ with other work people, but you don't go on vacation with them sort of way.

[@esthermarieandujar]

I'm so glad for the authors friends I have!!! This was a great video Alexa!

[@AH-lw2ei]

Hey Alexa, I feel this is fabulous advice. Having followed you for a while now, I can tell that you have a really big heart and deep emotional core (I mean, you are an artist). But, pulling from your experience, you're teaching us from the things you've seen and/or experienced. We all need a bit of a protective shield, because while most people are mostly good, there are plenty who will take advantage of our goodness. These suggestions could prevent a talented writer from setting themselves back after success...or entirely ending a career. ::friendly but not friend salutations!:: 😆

[@mikaylamarks7361]

I’m so happy you’re back posting on KZbin (if life gets busy then don’t worry, take an hiatus!) but I think you are great and so helpful. And I’m a picky person. Keep on doing you

[@alwaysapirateroninace443]

I think this is the soonest I've clicked on a video since it uploaded on KZbin. Wow. Great video as usual.

[@SamasBananas1]

As someone who has never worked corporate and never plans to, this duology of videos will be super useful

[@AFringedGentian]

Loving those colors on you, Alexa! This video is invaluable to me- I’m back in the query trenches and need to be prepared for the future agent relationship.

[@anthropomorphicpeanut6160]

Good luck with your query! I'm sure you'll do great!

[@AFringedGentian]

@@anthropomorphicpeanut6160thank you! I got discouraged after the first 50 rejections so I took a year off. I’m back in the trenches now. Up to 68 rejections. This is not easy.

[@davidpo5517]

Haven't watched yet, only seen the thumbnail, but I can tell this one is goin' to be a doozy: Alexa's got her straw out!

[@Ruse3]

Maan, I wish you could share some of those anecdotes about the relationships gone wrong, but I understand why you can't, lol. So good to see more videos from you lately!

[@quinnsmusings]

I'm super excited for the corporate speak video. It can feel so hard to understand it without taking it as too harsh or too wishwashy. At least for me. Thank you for your hard work!

[@saturnight.3026]

Not so interested in this particular theme atm, but your videos are still very interesting to watch! It seems you're back with more stuff to come, and I'm all for it ❤ Really excited to see your next videos, especially if there’s going to be something about the writing itself!

[@grey8104]

emotional intelligence at work is so crucial.

[@johnnyritenbaugh1214]

Absolutely! Your editor especially should be someone who is as invested in your success as you are, but shouldn't be someone who coddles you about your story because they don't want to hurt the friendship. Not brutal honesty, but creative honesty.

[@FablestoneSeries]

my editor is my friend, and there are times I wish they weren't

[@jordankelly1163]

I love your mint glasses :) So cute!

[@DrVVVinK]

The codependent agent/client relationship, I think of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Jeff and Larry.

[@rachdanaelee]

Another video?! Feeling rather spoiled.

[@AlexaDonne]

It's a good summer for me! But watch the fall be another drought 😂

[@rachdanaelee]

​@AlexaDonne I'll take what I can get haha. At least in the fall I get your new book.

[@UCKalu-np7lo]

True but it goes both ways. Had an agent that presented herself as a friend only to drop me without question. Really horrible experience honestly. I give so much love for aspiring writers and thankful I also have a fulfilling medical career.

[@atharvapimple834]

First Comment!!!!!!! LET'S GOOOOO!!!!!!! So glad you're making videos again, there are so good and informative.

[@SuperGolemio]

my agent is similar to my friend, in that they fail to exist

[@TamChronin]

Oh goodness. When you mix money and power imbalance with a friendship/personal relationship of *any* kind, things can get messy. As an indie author I hadn't thought too much about that until I was watching your video, but yikes. Yes. The potential for abuse, manipulation, and harm in both directions of an author/agent or author/editor relationship is nothing to take lightly.

[@authorkiterafrey]

To protect my connections privacy I will not say who the author and agent are, but I have someone close to me who got closer to her agent. He made a move on her and it caused some issues in her marriage. She obviously turned him down and it ruined her book deal. She had to find a new agent and start the query process again. It was terrifying to me.

[@AlexaDonne]

that is so horrifying!!! That poor author :(

[@experiFilm]

Okay why is this giving me a book idea though 😅

[@leenaronalds4155]

I know of a top agent who routinely refers to her clients as her friends. She even offers them massages! 😂

[@alexscott7819]

I don't know if I would say it's "mutually beneficial". An argument could be made to say the resources an agent possesses amounts to something quantitative, but at a glance? A writer spends YEARS creating something that is all-at-once cohesive, compelling, novel, artistic and original. Inevitably, when we assign value to this X factor, the agent is benefitting.

[@andeeharry]

great video, thanks for sharing. Some people do forget this. I see many people rage about it when their editor or long time agent suddenly gets up and go without saying anything

[@Hewaga]

I was wondering if you could do a video of how to edit your book once it’s done. I’m a first time novel writer and it really is something I struggle with.

[@Reshme77]

True

[@kirtiomart]

Thanks

[@EriduGenisis]

So a Writer needs a relationship with both the Editor and the Agent. OK. Do Writers absolutely need the Agent?

[@KathrynBid]

Is it typical in your experience for authors under the same agent to communicate with each other? I saw someone say its a red flag if the agent doesn't facilitate that but personally I would find it strange.

[@AlexaDonne]

Not super normal, and rarely facilitated by agents. When agent siblings communicate, it's typically initiated by the clients. imo an agent client group coordinated by the agent introduces some concerns: re, everything I talked about in this video, though I do know some agents do it. That said, I think the red flag people mean is when an agent refuses to facilitate communication with clients at the offer stage, ie: if you ask to speak with current clients and they say no.

[@lindacobo1744]

So the agent is basically like HR is there to protect the business not necessarily the employee.

[@AlexaDonne]

That's more an editor's role. An agent isn't akin to HR, not on a one-to-one basis: they are more closely aligned with their client's interests (they literally make money when the client makes money). But they juggle the interests of a lot of clients, and always must bear in mind that they want to continue to work in the industry as a professional.

[@lindacobo1744]

@AlexaDonne so then more like a typical manager then? (An agent I mean). They are there to assist and advocate but maintain professional boundaries and don't bff them.

[@AlexaDonne]

@@lindacobo1744 Yes, that's a better comparison, though more like a manager in Hollywood, ie: talent manager than a corporate manager (b/c authors are independent contractors, not employees).

[@elementeight8]

HR is employed by your corporation to protect their interests. An agent works for you, but they’re not there to wipe your nose. Be professional. An agent is nothing like corporate HR. I suggest further research.

[@grey8104]

​@@elementeight8 i agree. i think a better comparison is a recruiter and job seeker. they help you get the job because that's their job, and if you succeed, they have succeeded.

[@absolutelycitron1580]

Whoa another new video in less than 6 months! Who is she?

[@nela_happysoul]

I think that authors need to practice emotional intelligence and it will all be good