李玫瑾老师讲的有道理。但我不赞同她的“敬畏”观点。父母和孩子的关系不需要建立在害怕上。Dr. Gabor Mate说非常好 “The more authoritarian we become, the more pressure we put on, the more they resist. So if we want to discipline kids, we actually have to make them our disciples. Disciple is not somebody who is afraid of you. Disciple is somebody who loves you, and wants to belong to you, and follow you."
建议你读一下Lawrence Kohlberg's stages of moral development.学龄前的孩子的智商与小动物相似,道德观大多以服从与惩罚或利己主义为主,这一阶段让孩子心存敬畏是正确的。毕竟你不会跟你家的猫猫狗狗讲道理吧?到了青春期阶段孩子会有更多的独立思考,这时候双方的尊重与沟通(authoritative parenting)才会发挥最佳作用。
I don't know what to think about the discussion here, but everything sounds ridiculous. I was raised in China by a pair of very strict parents. I grew up in terror and feel very much wounded in many ways up to now. I raised my children in America. I did everything opposite how I was raised. I never ever said nasty things to my children, never ever hit them for anything. They grew up in their mom's love . We talked things over when they did something "wrong " what children usually did and I never made them feel that they needed to be punished physically. I mainly homeschooled my children until they needed to prepare for college. They attended college when their peers were in middle school. Early on I taught them how to learn so I didn't need to be a TIGER MOM like the Yale professor. Actually when I read her book about how she raised her children, I felt my heart bled. Poor children, they suffered what I did in China! The horror! My children are grown now, they are very happy and healthy young professionals, one MDPhD and one JD. They don't have any dark memories from growing up. I am happy I didn't pass the Chinese parental brutality down to another generation. That ugly savage culture stopped with me. I think Chinese parents are mostly brutes, savages. Their socalled love for their children is a lie. At best it is probably a very twisted love. I believe Chinese parents love themselves more.
马爷和李老师这多少都有点幸存者偏差了。出来这么些年,见多了自以为是却能力平平的local show off 的样子,以及明明很优秀却还是不自信的国人,心里是很矛盾复杂的。甚至连看一个相亲节目都可以惊讶的发现那个自卑的孩子虽然脸是混血但background是Chinese……我们要尊重每一个个体这件事真的得从孩子抓起。