Yuzuki Yukari - Balsam (鳳仙花)

[@TheYogurtGoddess]

I can really relate to this and a lot of other people are saying they can too. I didn't know other people felt that way so it's at least nice not being alone in that.

[@LilyCelebiFlipnote]

+suiseimei Right? It's nice to know that.

[@Shadestorm12]

Right in the feels...

[@poni_poki]

This song hits close to home every time ;w;

[@sakumarie8633]

same ;m;

[@Pariah6950]

Hey man, if you lie to yourself long enough then the lie will eventually become the truth. Even if it means you are broken, at least you can live with a smile of some kind. It really makes me happy to know that there are other people that understand this feeling, but also sad for them that they have to feel it at all. Just keep lying guys. It's not the advice anyone else would give, but no one else knows this feeling. Update 5 years later: I have to provide and update to this comment. This does not work. No matter how long you impose the, "I'm a loner." mentality on yourself, suppressed deep down, you'll still feel lonely. For me, it was fine for a long time. I was enjoying my life of solitude. But about twice a year or so, I'd have a breakdown where it would all finally bubble up. After these episodes, I'd be fine again for a while, and morbidly joke that this was okay. A day of feeling terrible every so often in exchange for feeling alright with being alone. But these breakdowns started to become more frequent. Three times a year. Four. It was getting bad. I started cutting ties and pushing away the few distant friends I had from high school, I spent 3 years at my old job without ever having a single conversation with a coworker. Of course, this was "what I wanted". But all I was doing was hurting myself further, and I knew that deep down. Again, I would grimly joke to myself that if I continued on the path I was... I probably wouldn't last. For me it was not just a matter of being lonely. It was more a feeling that no one cared about me. Let me tell ya, it was hard reading old text threads from friends, and seeing how almost every single conversation, I instigated. Nobody ever gave back in my relationships. It seemed like if I didn't put in all the work to keep my friendships alive, I'd just be forgotten. So I ran a test. I stopped contacting anyone, to see how long, if ever, it would take for someone to get in touch with me. 6 weeks later, nothing, as I expected. Of course, I was "fine" with this. Then one day I was talking with my dad, the topic of my friends came up. I had no issue telling him about my experiment as I was so certain in what I was doing. But after I explained it to him, he hugged me and told me I should stop, and that I was hurting myself. That was when I finally cracked, and for the first time told someone about the loneliness that I'd felt for years. I told him everything, and then went to bed. By the time I woke up, he'd told my mom and sister. He told me that my sister was crying hysterically when she learned about what I was going through. This changed everything. That night, my whole family, who normally would all be doing their own things, ate dinner together. We didn't talk about me. I had one-on-one talks with everyone after. But they did as much as they could to involve me in the conversation, asking me about what I was doing lately and my hobbies. Obviously this was them going out of their way to include me upon learning how I felt, and before this would have bothered me. "I don't need you to include me. I'm fine." and all that. But that night, I was so happy. It was at that moment that I realized that I did have people that cared about me. My sister was so affected by my loneliness that she cried, and my whole family did their best to express that they cared by trying to including me. Seeing my family so affected because of me, it meant more than the world. Almost as if by magic, after that, I felt fine. Genuinely fine, for the first time in so long. And since then, I have been recovering. I don't have breakdowns anymore. I've reconnected with a lot of my old friends, and told some of them about what happened. I've made new friends, and I actually now have a collection of board games and regularly organize game nights with them all. I spend a lot more time with my family now. I am still an introvert and do really enjoy my alone time, so I still do a lot of that. But it's no longer because that is my only option. I wouldn't say I'm totally healed, don't know if I ever will be. I still feel kind of like I exist on the outer rim of my friend group, and groups of strangers are still almost impossible. And occasionally I still doubt some of my friendships. But I'm getting better. And you can too. If you feel like no one cares about you, you're wrong. Maybe for you it's a friend, or a neighbor, or teacher, or whatever, but you have someone that you are closest to. I beg of you, help yourself, tell them how you feel, even if it's someone you've already pushed away. This mentality is self-defeating. If you give people the impression that you are fine without them and without them showing signs of caring, then they will leave you alone and express nothing to you. They can't see behind the wall of lies you put up, and so they believe that you don't need them to do anything. You end up telling people not to do the exact thing you need them to do. The only way to beat this is to stop lying, to others and yourself. I hope this comment helps someone get out of this horrible experience. Though, I must say that I do not regret experiencing it myself. I've come out the other end as someone who really understands and accepts myself, and I'm very happy now overall. That's why I still use this username. I might not be a pariah anymore, but it will still always be a part of me. Still, no one should feel this way. You shouldn't feel this way. PS: Check out an anime/light novel series called Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. AKA, My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU. It's excellent and all about people like us. It probably helped me finally open up to my dad after all that time. Maybe it can give you some similar inspiration.

[@LilyCelebiFlipnote]

+Pariah6950 I know this feeling...

[@Pariah6950]

+LilyCelebi I meant no normal person knows this feeling.

[@LilyCelebiFlipnote]

Pariah6950 I know. I wasn't going against you or anything. ^ v ^

[@nctsgrass]

I'm a year late but as a person who experienced this for too long, I just couldn't keep quiet. Yes lying worked in a way, but deep inside I still felt broken. I only smiled from outside and not inside. Instead, you have to confront yourself to the reality and open up. Not to the group of people you seem invisible to, but sometimes, transferring school helps a lot in this. Going to a new environment where nobody knows you, so you can show them the person you really are. Even if by opening up you may face other types of problems like people impossible to get along with, that's the only way to finally stop the lie. I'm right now happy with my two closest friends and I'm friend with tons of people although before I only kept glaring at the others, denying the fact that I was envious of them and feeling lonely to only feel like crying myself to sleep. Loneliness is an awful feeling that can't be completely hidden through lies. The reality will still hit you time to time if not always like me. But since I opened up, I'm truly happy. Although I still don't feel like a belong to the group but this is because I guess than once you've got hurt, even after healing there still will be a wound.

[@uecep7777]

I know exactly how you feel/felt, it's once happened to me. I'm all good now - Ha, though I don't have any friends anymore. Anyway I agree with what you're saying. *GJ*

[@bakeryssoul]

she sounds real

[@LoveSonjaXD]

Balsam means 'hair conditioner' in Norwegian. .... wat.

[@sonakoudelphii8586]

OMG XD

[@cheeweichang266]

Lololol

[@ezlotconluvr]

IM Norwegian and i think its weird too. XD

[@rafanugroho9496]

Balsam means 'massage cream' in indonesian. Soo

[@mimimich9234]

And in Sweden

[@chillynight201]

I’m watching this again after a while, I’ve always loved how honest this song is.

[@floral_comet]

a few years ago, I really liked vocaloid, I had a vocaloid phase when I was a lil preteen, and recently, I've been falling back into it because of project sekai, so when I saw this song after searching "ethereal vocaloid songs" for a character I was making, I recognized the art and instrumental, and decided to listen with music, and damn it I relate so much, like, the only song I've cried to before is servant of evil and that was barely above teary eyed, but this shit made me so fucking relieved and feel so loved and even though I know a lot of people feel similarly, this song is so similar to me even though I have a ton of friends, and I just deeply, deeply relate, because only two of them feel genuine, and they're usually not even at school + we only get to talk during breaks if they are, so I just relate so much to the loneliness and feeling of lying to yourself this is fine and deep down knowing the reason for why you isolate yourself, bro I am so fucking adding this to my usual playlist, character playlist and playlist for calming down from sensory overload

[@yanfeet]

i dont know why, i cant explain it, but i feel like everyone can relate to this song in some way

[@floral_comet]

@@yanfeet it's just so peaceful and bro this song understands you

[@damus_43]

How come this song be so... relatable?

[@assiaelmabrouki5552]

I think it's one of my favorite vocaloid songs... I can really identify myself to it and the lyrics hit so hard since they're so true... It's so beautiful and relatable.

[@feliciagnd]

Aww yukari \3 what a sad song... but im really happy that she have a new original song! Its kinda rare.

[@MichaelSaniyan]

This made me speechless.

[@noname420]

i listened to this song months prior, and related to it since its just like my past. and now im back to this state, now relating to this song more than ever again now that classes started. seems like some things never change for me.

[@sachiesarowe]

Dont worry,your not alone. Since my classes started just recently i felt so lonely just because our class is divided into 2 sections now,i had a lot more in common with the classmates i had in the other section than mine...

[@noname420]

​@@sachiesarowe tysm, sorry i didnt see this before for me things did get better for a while and it's now bad again, in the end i came back to this song

[@asnad59]

I mostly love originals... but the first time listening to this song is vocal-ed by Kaai Yuki and somehow I like her singing this song better... i'm not Japanese

[@GaymerTheGreat]

me too DooT

[@Whatsit_1121]

Yuki's voice sounds more broken and emotional, which is what this song needs. Both are beautiful, but I love Yuki's more

[@Shainemu]

Well, kyaami's tuning is top notch after all. Everything she does sounds good and often better than the original.

[@qu1z4B3lla]

i like this one because realistic voice- but ok

[@sharz6594]

Just remember that without the originals there will be no cover ^^

[@rtnavl5125]

this is me XD this is me in real life and school... really describes my life dou

[@mayather1]

I know right!

[@YoshinointheMoonligh]

Rare to see one by Yukari, so of course this is always a cause to be happy. I do wonder sometimes when, when one says "I feel lonely," if this is a mere lamentation, or a representation of some sort of desire. Something to think about, perhaps.

[@honeysanjuan1015]

It related to me! 🙂😀😃😄 What a wonderful song! It really related to since I was loner at school...

[@3kingspade]

So... Uh.... Cheers y'all! We're the chosen ones! Misfits and social outcast unite! ... Or whatever, nvm.

[@saisei100]

I’ve been looking for this song I FINALLY FOUND IT

[@zephyrmoon5143]

THIS IS SO AMAZING OMG

[@VocaNeku]

I guess I'm already sort of broken then.

[@angiereconco]

This song helped me empathize alot with my child self and the struggles she went through.Thank you

[@yanfeet]

I want to hug my 4-12 year old self so bad hdhsjgdjshdg

[@angiereconco]

@@yanfeet hug yours. They still live inside you

[@yanfeet]

@Angie Morales ever since this comment I've been doing this hugging myself (ok) and for anyone reading this, hesus chrgst I feel like I've used drugs I feel way better after hugging myself 😙😗😙😇😗😙😘😙😙😘

[@takumidoutou4412]

Beautiful absolutely beautiful ;w;

[@apriliavioleta6953]

Mi ni tsuketa HEDDOFON no tanshi wa mukidashi no mamaTonikaku ima wa tada kakai wo shadan shitakuteTokidoki kaze no oto mabuta wo tojite kurayamiDare ni mo jama sarenai watashi dake no ERIATsuyogatte iru wake nai janai ka toiikikasete iikikasete doko made aruku no?Sabishii nante kotoba kuchi ga sakete mo iu mono kaDatte datte kawaisou da toka omowaretara hajida waKirawarete iru ndeshou? Iie hitori ga suki na dakeDatte datte sou demo enjinakereba watashi tokku ni kowarete shimatteru wa aa“Watashi ni furenai de” damarikonda housenkaKara wo yaburanai to tane mo nokosenai no ni neMin’na tanoshisou demo jibun dake wa kaya no sotoSaisho kara ano basho iraretara chigatteta kanaDoko ni mo hairezu urotaeru yori doudou to koritsu shiteta hou ga kakkou ii deshou?Nakama ni irete nante kuchi ga sakete mo iu mon kaDatte datte watashi no PURAIDO ga sore wo yurusanai noUrayamashii da nante omowanai omoitakunaiIsso isso tomodachi nanka iranai kara oreru koto nai kokoro kudasai aaTOIRE ni mo hitori de ikenai kuse ni nonoshiritsutsu nonoshiritsutsu yokome de ottetaSabishii nante kotoba kuchi ga sakete mo iu mono kaDatte datte kawaisou da toka omowaretara hajida waKirawarete iru ndeshou? Iie hitori ga suki na dakeDatte datte sou demo enjinakereba watashi tokku ni kowarete shimatteru wa

[@AkatsukiEater]

this is the same p that made aria on the game center talk about a tone shift

[@dieehrensklavin]

this describes my whole life fuck i cant stop crying

[@ellis4091]

Her situation is an opposite to mine.I was very friendy but I sometimes bite back if needed.

[@BunnyInTheSnow]

my thoughts. but i've learnt to not care so much. there is a much more beautiful community and world; Vocaloid.

[@sachiesarowe]

Just months ago,this turned into my favorite song But now,school recently started and we had sections now,my friend was in the other,and i felt really lonely in mine. I eventually adapted into this state since i had nothing to do and i didnt have common interests with the girls and boys in my section. The worst part...this is actually my first time being lonely in school.

[@RaineDrops]

Yukari :D

[@rui.superfan]

why is this so relatable i.

[@CYB3RPUNK.D34D.B0Y]

Hi and same

[@zcatcracker]

I generally don't because it makes the expanded description box too long. If you want to copy-paste them for your own purposes, you can do that from the Transcript icon under the view counter (next to "Add to").

[@shannanigansart]

OOOO THANKS~! :D

[@tealaemon9082]

oh great song :D

[@CYB3RPUNK.D34D.B0Y]

How am I supposed to talk to people? I don't know how to talk to people. I can't talk to people in real life. I used to hate it, but I recently thought I didn't care until listening to this. I'm crying as of typing this because of how relatable this is. I hate it. I hate everything because I can't talk to people. I think I might need some help or something.

[@zombieelin]

same

[@Kokohime-Aki]

まさかのまどかさん曲だったのか

[@阿鼻叫喚ななぴぃ]

日本人がいねぇのはなんで？ｗｗｗ

[@leelorenz.3889]

4:41

[@zombieelin]

havent had friends for 2 years now at school, and im starting a new school after the summer, im actually terrified because i have no idea how to talk to people and how to act and be a friend 😭

[@dubwubwubstek244]

that girl in the back of the class wearing headphones, yeah thats me lol

[@fruityautism]

Hello everyone

[@นั่งเอ๋ออยู่บนดวงดาว]

เศร้า

[@inimioarapusi]

That's me :\

[@jenibeh2171]

is this available on spotify?? i want ittt 😭

[@shannanigansart]

can u put the lyrics in the description? :3

[@rosarioelizabethrosamartin5309]

es kaai yuki

[@pluto4736]

rosario elizabeth rosa martinez no.

[@umeloid]

es yuzuki yukari xd

[@mckatherine]

Alguien me dice cual es la original, esta o la de yuki?? D:

[@yui2176]

Epic Smiley Este.

[@mckatherine]

Bad chan Suena mucho mejor la de yuki, parece mucho más original, este parece un Cover :/

[@yui2176]

Epic Smiley Yo prefiero esta versión misma. Pero bien, cada uno con su opinión no? Pero sí, éste es lo original.

[@mckatherine]

Sip :)

[@DreamyFlowerz]

I'm like, the opposite of this: I have friends but I like being alone X'DDD