Massive Loser

Zealand Playing:
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► KZbin: / @zealandonyt
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► Discord: / discord
► Reddit: / theoldzealand
Gadjet (Editor):
► Gadjet’s Instagram: / miloszoric7

[@KT-ki6gz]

Z once he gets stupid wealthy: Buys a men’s hairstyle magazine and forces them to feature him on every cover

[@Benjamin-xv9le]

*chesthairstyle

[@igorszamaszow171]

Or some magazine about running, perhaps

[@renerpho]

@@igorszamaszow171 Ridiculous. He'd never get in the way of people who take running seriously.

[@demonicsquid7217]

Deodorant. Armpits need a spray champion.

[@AzureStarline]

it's that combination of forehead and self-deprecating humor he uses to disarm us :P (Quote from a prior video, I loved that line)

[@jo_magpie]

"Short cut your start up", summed up in two words: dad's money.

[@jacklang3314]

For some funny football news, in the A-League this year the top goal scorer was Adam Taggart for Perth Glory. The funny part is that they came last in the league. It’d be like a Sheffield United player scoring more goals than Haaland this season.

[@Kloiyd]

That dude is probably insane then, being the top scorer while being in the worse team in the league. Imagine if he was in a better team.

[@jacklang3314]

@@Kloiyd yeah, Perth Glory has been going through a rough patch. They went into receivership last year and I think they’re having cohesion problems with the squad and with management. In their recent loss to Sydney FC, one of the commentators mentioned it looks they’re playing like half the squad has been told they’re getting released at seasons end. Taggart is great, though I think he’s only there because it’s his hometown club. I think if we had relegation it’d kill the club.

[@Kloiyd]

@@jacklang3314 That’s an awful situation for the club to go through. I really hope they’re able to find financial stability. Maybe they could sell him and use the money from the sale to be able to sustain themselves.

[@jacklang3314]

@@Kloiyd I went and looked, they got a new owner in February but the problem is the new owner has been discussing contracts and transfers for the past 2 months which is rough given the season bar the finals only ended like a fortnight ago. That’s likely destroyed the squad’s confidence in their future at the club.

[@SuperJNG18]

This A-League season was pure pain as Wanderers fan. Bottled it so hard, especially against Sydney FC, the last team you want to bottle it against.

[@markmadden84]

'Courtney Fucking Reum' The level of venom in this line would give Peter Parker nightmares.

[@xrnst4300]

Seems we've found Z's next save; manage Vilaverdense and win the champions league while subbing in Courtney Raum for at least 5 minutes every game.

[@stevechapman2301]

Please oh God please

[@YetAnotherGeorgeth]

“Short cut your start up” Step 1: be born into wealth Step 2: profit!

[@vitorgoncalves9288]

Portuguese guy and Porto fan here, you said everything 100% correctly, thank you for making this video, I'm not a fan of the club, and honestly Vilaverdense's fans I'm so sorry for the way the FPF is dealing with the constant financial situations a lot of clubs are going thru. The "LANK" name is NOT from the club, but from the company that bought them in 2020 btw Our federation( FPF), did and does an amazing job in a lot of areas, womens football is growing more and more every year too, for a country with 11M people, congrats to Fernando Gomes, but this shit HAS to stop. Boavista, Belenenses( split in two, B SAD being the trash), Desportivo das Aves literally ended because of it after winning the Portuguese Cup and this year bought Vilafranquense in the 2ND division, and made "AVS", new club with the previous club history etcetcetc. To summarise, you have alot of interesting saves for Football Manager in Portugal, no huge registration rules btw.

[@positivibration]

Besides that, their currently home stadium is about 200km from Vila Verde, so they are playing in an empty stadium.

[@sparkz2337]

AVS isnt Aves, Aves play in regionals, AVS use their stadium but have no affiliation

[@emanuelfer456]

Its just like in every other aspect (politics, justice, economy) the inmates run the asylum

[@lungabiyela9081]

Look up Andile Mpisane. He is the chairman of a top division club called Royal AM in South Africa. He was never a footballer. He was an aspiring DJ and hip hop artist (a bad one, at that) when all of a sudden, his very rich mother bought him a football club in the second tier for his 19th birthday. He gave himself the number 10 jersey and demanded that he be selected for games. He played, and was not very good. Anyway, the club found themselves in the top division, though buying another club and changing its name, and now gets game time in the top division, and he's not a footballer. It's insane. Look it up, you will be stunned.

[@KKERMlT]

So the AM in "Royal AM" is his initials? That's interesting. I knew of Royal AM because they bought Bloemfontein Celtic, hate them even more now

[@JimTheFly]

Z, I think I at least know what position he was playing on the field. Raumdoucher.

[@FeyTheBin]

Reumdoucher is indeed perfect.

[@DMFroomer]

This is more than sad; it's evil. Fucking with the livelihoods of thousands of people, some of which are employees of the institution, is just evil. Shame on this poor excuse of a "man."

[@anotherchannel4459]

The players weren't paid for a few months and the club was about to have points deducted by january. The coach and the president did what they needed to save the club it is just a shame this was what was needed.

[@rodrymcf]

They actually had 1 point deducted

[@Mebsuta]

"did what they needed"? There are certain situations in which you can sell your soul to the devil to escape woes, yes. That doesn't mean it's ever the correct decision or "what had to be done". You chose to make things worse.

[@sparkz2337]

they got a point deducted but it couldve got worse

[@Rfilipe123]

I'm a Torreense fan, and i almost did a spit take when the commentator said his age. Everyone was like "Who the F*ck is this guy?" in unison.

[@sparkz2337]

haha, Boa Sorte Torreense, andam a fazer boas campanhas na segunda

[@oliwills4339]

zealand would definitely rock the hell out of that bunny outfit

[@jmmr1169]

I was actually at the stadium the previous day, watching Académica, a team from the actual city. Vilaverdense plays in a borrowed home in Coimbra, which is very far from where they are, Braga, so there aren't a lot of fans. PS: Your pronunciation is perfect

[@sparkz2337]

As a fellow Academica fan, its infuriating that this is above us right now, AVS needs to be relegated too

[@gabekeeter6415]

I feel like there's a better way to do this, like ask to play in a friendly or a cup match where you're already up 5, but to strongarm a club into making this happen for literally no other reason than because you can is vile and an embarrassment

[@aidenf.4900]

I wouldn't call those people his friends. Friends wouldn't let you do this. It's humiliating, for everyone.

[@bhvillaman4401]

Businessmen have no real friends

[@demonicsquid7217]

They call this an 'entourage'.

[@ninanano]

It’s a different culture they’re completely unaware of the embarrassment they’re participating in

[@Alex-uc3ye]

This is the type of guy who goes after KZbinrs for dissing him.

[@fernandomustachioso9737]

That'd be one way to explode this story to further humiliate himself.

[@demonicsquid7217]

He has an assistant whose only job is to Google search his name every few minutes. The assistant also has large breasts and the uniform is a french maid's outfit.

[@thesteakbake]

Must admit, at first I was thinking, if I had a $Billion, then I would love to play for my club for 15 minutes... but the more I thought about it, the more this was a terrible, terrible idea. Formula one have done it a few times with people 'paying' for a seat in the car, and it does make it a joke.

[@mortiphago]

A few times?

[@NJTRAF]

I’d do it in a pre-season friendly, sub me on for the last 5 minutes just for fun but it’s a one and done deal - no chance in hell I’d do it in a real competitive match, fuck that, that’s pure vanity

[@JimTheFly]

@@mortiphago Lately at least those pay drivers have to come up through the ranks, so even drivers like Latifi and Mazepin had to have some kind of ability. But I know in the past it was just crazy with "Hey, I've got some money, I wanna race in Formula 1."

[@JimTheFly]

@@NJTRAF This was exactly what I was thinking. If he wants to get on the field with the team during an off-season friendly and get his 10 minutes of fun in, honestly, I'd be fine with it. But at the time of this match, they had a possible chance of staying up. And if the Raumdoucher wants to get in an actual competitive match, with the way the team's going, make it one of the next 2 matches, because they've now guaranteed being relegated, so if they lose, whatever. But even then it's still kinda shitty.

[@french_toast223]

@@NJTRAF Yeah maybe even like the last game of the season with nothing to win or lose maybe like 10-0 up lol but when you are fighting relegation and you can still win it nah i couldnt.

[@franciscofernandes9251]

I'm portuguese and my club, Marítimo, play in the portuguese 2° tier, so I'm relatively aware of the goings on around the league and let me tell you, this story gets really disgusting once you comb over some of the finer details. Vilaverdense got docked 1 point earlier this season for running afoul of the leagues salary rules. How so, you may ask? Well their players didn't get paid for 3 months, December, January and February. Vilaverdense are at the highest they've ever been in their history, they've always been a regional club playing in the portuguese lower leagues, just last season they were playing in the 3rd tier before coming up through the playoffs. The 3rd tier is semipro, this is the first time ever the club has competed in a fully professional setting, the vast majority of those players, less than a year ago, were semipro and even now, as full professionals, I'm guessing the club isn't paying them through the roof (that is, when they're actually paying them). All this to say, if those guys don't get paid for 3 months straight, they're ability to put food on the table comes into question. Now if you remember, Courtney Raum was registered to play in the league in January, right in the middle of the clubs salary crisis. Meaning this absolute dingleberry of a human being was negotiating a cash injection into the club, with this absolute ego stroke of a condition, that he gets to live out this fantasy, all while using the players financial situation as leverage to twist the club and the managers arm, into putting into question their professional reputation and the sanctity of the professional competition, so that he gets to pretend to be a professional footballer for a day. Makes the managers post game statement all the more depressing.

[@Thebassmaster6969]

Jesus porra cristo, what a fucking clownshow bellend fuckface (had to draw from a few different cultures to adequately express my vinegar) this guy is. Thanks for the added context, becauise while this is bad enough this just adds a special dimension of fuckhead. He's literally holding people who haven't been paid hostage so he can do his little fantasy.

[@jbeattie02]

So what you're saying is those 5 minutes that he played saved the other players jobs and put food on their tables?

[@Kloiyd]

That guy is the embodiment of the term “silver spoon”

[@TiagoOliveira-pk1iq]

Played in the U19 squad for half a season for the LANK organization before they bought vilaverdense (19/20). They seemed ambitious, made a really good training campus shortly after I left, brought in some foreign players (Caribbean, France, Canada) and had former professionals in the coaching staff, including a Braga legend in José Barroso (top 3 in all-time apps). Foreign players were given a wage and stay in a 4-star hotel and were given trips home if they felt homesick. We were also given small win bonuses and a little extra if we won by 10 goals (foreign talent put us way over the rest of the league that season). They took care of players in the time I was there but since they merged with vilaverdense they had some sus moments, including AN ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING OWN GOAL that reeked of sports gambling and now this. As a Varzim fan and local, I watched them draw against us 2-2 last season and they seemed like they had solid squad building but it's unfortunate that they had fallen into a state where they were forced to do this

[@candym0nz826]

The ultimate Nepo Baby

[@Sabo__90]

That's when rich parents ensure their children never taste real life struggles. Then they become this guy

[@HugoCorreiabzk]

It was a sad day for Vilaverdense.

[@kikomussolini]

As a Portuguese , thank you Mr. Zealand. 💚🤘

[@joaomarques4030]

Unfortunately this isn't exactly an exception in the portuguese ladder, there is a serious lack of financial support for just about any club that isn't in the big 3, and so a good amount of portuguese clubs are privy to owners who care little about the club, similar situation happened with kazu miura at oliveirense, although in that case at least he's actually a legendary player, not some millionaire rando Edit: forgot the worst example of portuguese football club ownership, Belenenses (who are one of the two clubs not in the big 3 to have ever won a national title), that was split in two due to the footballing part of the sports club being sold to investors, and then those investors finding a way to separate from the sports club. The SAD got the rights to play in the first division, while the club restarted in the lisbon regional leagues. Thankfully SAD is now in the lowest regional leagues of Setúbal (they moved there since they couldn't play in belenenses' stadium), while Belenenses returned to the 2nd tier (but look likely to go down with vilaverdense). TL;DR: Basically the wimbledon of portugal

[@BeadyEye66]

The underarm sweatpatches? He might've finally been on a run boys!

[@IAmThatBit--]

Nah he's just back in Florida 😅

[@ninanano]

@@IAmThatBit-- wow

[@MarcosGarcia-pj3pq]

the fact this man is playing in the same league as king kazu is insane

[@ryanpeplinski3]

Between the two outfits I am more interested in Zealand wearing the bunny outfit

[@ble499]

The weirdest thing about this was that his own announcement regarding his debut was not in vilaverdense's stadium but in Benfica's one... shows how little he cares about the club

[@sammywoose]

I actually love your content. Consistently delivering all the weird and wonderful news from football of all divisions and countries is something i never knew i needed. Keep up the good work!!!

[@sinisteak6790]

I respect whoever put "professional footballer for portuguese side villaverdense" on his wikipedia

[@Lavassin]

FM has this guy at 38 CA

[@NobletheSavage]

So he's in the game? Mad.

[@renerpho]

@@NobletheSavage I hope he paid for it.

[@garbage-kun764]

Honestly hoped it would be 20 for the meme

[@ninanano]

What was more sad to me was the local fans below watching their team get relegated while his friends were above in the VIP section cheering him on for his first minutes. Clueless, selfish people, completely unaware of the culture they’ve forcibly inserted themselves in, and they will never care to learn more about it. This is all about making little Courtney’s dreams come true! In sunny Portugal at that!

[@keithclarke83]

The next form of Zealandism, getting the person from one of these videos in a call, and Zealand can ask them direct questions like Coffeezilla.

[@SWARM_747]

Similar thing is taking place here in South Africa in the PSL with Royal AM. Their one place away from religation and the owner has her son play in the team.

[@Brookler]

This is a big parallel to Lance Stroll

[@shoothevoidii5890]

Lank group killed Vilaverdense.. and despite one Pt says here in comments that Lank VilaVerdense dont have fans, they have but since lank group buyed the club they dont go to matches. sorry for the english im Portuguese. i feal sorry for Vila Verde people that lost their club for party rich people

[@James-ju4gj]

imagine he comes through with the winning goal in their last 3 games...

[@rodrigolopes1219]

It´s not the first time Vilaverdense sells their soul away

[@Zeerse_Chef]

Sounds like a new FM feature to me, get cash injection on demand of playing a specified grey player.

[@Alexgreenie]

Zealand: “I’m moving …. Home” 😂

[@NobletheSavage]

Is he actually in FM24? That would be mad as having a dictactor's son in Serie B.

[@freeyoungthug4965]

He is in the game yeah. Who is the dictators son lol wtf?

[@maranello1979]

​@@freeyoungthug4965 Gaddafi. 😮

[@freeyoungthug4965]

@@maranello1979 lol what

[@raphaelpoulain3203]

Same thing happened in South Africa a couple months ago but the son was pretty young but also really bad.

[@shawnmason5551]

Spot on Z! And I can’t wait to see your post marathon (and race) photos! Wear that Reom outfit.

[@sparkz2337]

Vilverdense has been through a lot of shit recently, first they got bought out by a company and got renamed to Lank Vilaverdense, they were always a smaller club playing in smaller leagues but this was their first time reaching the 2nd division, but you have to feel for the fans after everything theyre going through. Worst part is that this isnt the most disgusting thing happening in the 2nd Portugese division, There is a club called AVS which could be getting promoted to the top division and im not going to get into it but the situation is fucking disgusting and it lead to the relegation of Vilafranquense all the way down to the regionals, also a few years back there was something similar with Belenenses where they got relegated all the way down from the top division and B-SAD took their places

[@nigelroxbury]

Got that summer tan going Zealand

[@crimzon9983]

lance stroll of the football world

[@scottrobinson4611]

Imagine actually wanting to do this as a 45yo in the game that's likely going to get your team relegated. I'd feel so damn embarrassed if it was me. Even if I thought I could technically hold my own for the 5-10 minutes I'm on the pitch, I'd know I haven't earned the right to play in that game. If he's doing this to live out some sort of dream or fantasy, I feel like there are ways to get that without embarrassing yourself. Set up some sort of pro-am charity game and get yourself on the team, something that won't make people feel embarrassed for you and for the club.

[@itsjawzz]

you're gonna love lance stroll.

[@fareskh9959]

I remember another division 2 Portuguese team gave some minutes at the end of the season to a 52 year old Japanese legend kazuyoshi miura few years ago but at least he's been a living legend for his country and managed to score at 47 or 49 of age in a official match in Japanese division 2 as well . The Portuguese division 2 certainly interested in giving old men one last dance in professional football

[@damoncopeland7112]

Big difference between a japanese footballing legend and a spoiled brat who thinks because hes rich he can take someones place on a professional football field

[@aaronhurst4379]

Miura has been a professional footballer for over 35 years. Reum, meanwhile, hadn't been a professional footballer for 35 minutes.

[@fareskh9959]

@@aaronhurst4379 yeah that's the point legends like him deserve recognition for all what they've done but definitely doing a debut at 45 in a professional league only because you're rich or famous is a total disgrace for the team and for the integrity of the league in general

[@ohno7953]

Banger video

[@vreeze33]

At least I'm happy for the club that they managed to save themselves from financial troubles. It's a terrible shame, but at least the club survives. I can understand making such a decision while under such pressure.

[@jordylont1879]

Yeah the fact that the club made the decision is not the problem here

[@georgemcdermott9657]

'word vomit'....nearly choked on ma pizza :)

[@JayStanTheMan]

If anyone was wondering, this dude is in FM. He has 15 (!!) finishing, a CA of 45, and a PA of 60 (how?)

[@mateusgapski1327]

Idea for a save Sign the guy and make him the ballon d'or winner

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

14:45 That would be like if Ryan Reynolds insisted on playing for Wrexham

[@hugosenshida999]

Wasn't this the club that hired a 45 year old Paris Hilton relative as a player? Yeah that was news in Portugal

[@michaelavina6697]

I understand the maneger😢❤

[@marcogiuberto4570]

This is some Feyd Rautha Harkonnen level BS

[@henriquesantosfernandes6030]

Sou adepto da Oliveirense e posso dizer que a situação com o Miura e a nossa SAD é profundamente diferente (pelo menos no presente ). Como adepto estarei sempre grato a esta SAD Japonesa por ter investido como investiu nas infraestruturas e na renovação do velho Estádio Carlos Osório, sem eles teríamos de fazer os nossos jogos a 30 km's de distância no estádio de Aveiro como aconteceu há ums épocas atrás. Quanto ao Miura, é um profissional humilde e respeitado , sabe o seu lugar como manobra de marketing e a prova disso é o respeito mostrado nesta reta final da luta pela manutenção em que já não entra desde Fevereiro onde fez 1 minuto. É uma situação que como é óbvio preferíamos que não fosse necessária no entanto olhando para o panorama do futebol português até clubes com uma massa adepta e apoios muito maiores enfrentam dificuldades e vivem de mês a mês. É a lei da sobrevivência. Até que ponto isto é sustentável tenho as minhas dúvidas.

[@Meddemmmmmmm]

At a different scale this effect is observable in a lot of areas in our world. Money and entitlement putting people in places they don't belong.

[@theartofthebinge644]

"My wife's Father in law" aah behavior

[@AndreyChichagov]

You moved from NY back Florida?

[@jamesdrummond7684]

Hey look, it's football's version of Lance Stroll

[@AreEnTee]

CHOCOLATE TURTLES

[@SamButler22]

Don't read The Sun

[@itsskinnymems]

Scouts really said this guy was the second coming of Jamie Vardy

[@benficademacaufan]

Académica (briosa) my favorite Portugal club. We just have no money. That’s it

[@caatah]

"I would rock that outfit too" Put your money where your mouth is Z, that outfit on an upcoming video!

[@SrslyNoJK]

Petition to see Z in that outfit

[@yournamethere123]

I swear, ever since rob and Ryan took over Wrexham, I’ve been seeing people (not just Americans) try to get involved in clubs that have no business. People are just clout chasing and it’s crazy.

[@richyq8786]

when men get bored they go mad.

[@JoaoSantos-bn5wy]

Zealandism about Portugal, not for good reasons but lets gooooooo

[@SuperJNG18]

Based ON, not OFF, Zealand.

[@Tyler-bp5wx]

BBL zealand

[@Tris2000]

He got them promoted from 4th tier to 2nd tier in just two years, though!

[@skoroma94]

I agree that piss

[@coxxey6673]

He might be roger from American dad

[@yuvalaharony7864]

As a fan of a team at a similar level to that of Vilaverdense, this hurts me so much. I am lucky enough that our owners are loaded and actually love the club, and we are having a good period of time and it seems inevitable we get back to the first division soon in our country, but I cant help but feel like shit for people who have cheered for Vilaverdense their whole lives and now not only have to go through the pain of relegation (I've been there, it hurts) but also have to deal with these basterds making a mockery of their club. Truly appaling.

[@deanrwatson]

Quick debate, for debates sake. Is this, the amateur shall we call it, version, of something like the Glazers or whoever sanctioned it, signing a 37 year old Ronaldo for Manchester United, without the knowledge at best, against the advice of the management at worst? As for context, Solskjær, was on a podcast recently and he said he had no idea they were signing Ronaldo and when he came in, he had to change the formation and style of play they'd (the Team and Coaching staff) had been working on for months, like a week into the new season.

[@ernesto8738]

i do in fact have pictures in a jacket with no shirt lmao

[@SjomalingPhotography]

Z couldve gone with a few more allegedly to safe guard a bit from possible court room appearances in the future.

[@williamcross210]

Z, I'm surprised you haven't done a vid about Belicheck getting on your boy Tom Brady

[@colinafferton2132]

West Brom Mention !

[@TrickShotCuler]

I feel horrible for the actual professional player that had to come off for this poser to enter😡

[@torresyamum4500]

You need to run

[@Stfguac]

I looked for some highlights of his from the game, because I wanted to see how truly embarrassing he looks while playing football, but couldn't find any 😢

[@TheMcGordanMeal]

Weird request but when you show videos on twitter can you zoom in a bit? It’s a little hard to see. Thank you!

[@tristanlwkns]

Didn't this also happen in China if i'm correct, where the an investor or presifent of the club demanded his overweight son played, and he got subbed in and it was a disaster but also very funny because he looked like he never touched a football in his life.

[@dalerhodes1793]

Your should do a save with them z

[@ferrantepallas]

Hey man, you failed to mention Courtney's hat trick after he was subbed on!

[@crabbytomb9788]

Hey Zealand, wondering if you would be interested in looking into why no-one wants to take the Ireland Men's job? Also go for a run

[@pedrocachapuz5958]

I feel so sorry for Vilaverdense fans. This year Vilaverdense has been playing in Coimbra (because their stadium does not meet the regulation for the Portuguese 2nd division), a whole 2 hours and almost 200 Km away from their home, and I can only imagine Vilaverdense fans in the game that sealed their relegation, after a very though year for the players, staff and fans, at the 85th minute suddenly ear lots of cheers from the stands and for WHAT? Some random 45-year-old millionaire that is making their club this week’s topic for his Linked In post

[@terencehuang3810]

the club should be the one to blame. If they have any ounce of integrity or dignity, they could have simply rejected whatever conditions were set for money to be injected into the club. By accepting it, they sold out.

[@human0_0skull]

That's football, the fans will eventually create another club with the same name and recovering their history as with the Dons and soon... Liverpool A.F.C 🤞

[@sparkz2337]

difference is Vilaverdense have always been a lower division side and therefore dont have a big fanbase, so it would make that almost impossible to do

[@ninanano]

And people might say “well he didn’t play the entire season up until this point and they were going to be relegated anyway” but that’s exactly why he came in, he took advantage of that situation and their financial problems. He *promised* to invest and alleviate those problems, with this condition. I doubt he’s actually going to remain with them while they play in the 3rd division

[@ninjalectualx]

Did he train with the team too? Maybe they wouldn't have been relegated without his interference

[@StandardRossoneri]

Ran.

[@Austin-ob9xj]

the biggest question i have is…is he on fm…and does he have 20 natural fitness