I got the Divorce Buster online course (includes seminar videos and a workbook), as soon as my wife and I got to the solution oriented goals my wife started stonewalling and procrastinating. Doing things your spouse wants and needs from you to build trust seems to be a no brainer, but apparently for my wife just doesn’t understand that basic idea.

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I am strong but I am not s feminist and I don't want to be one

porn

You’re a great interviewer-so insightful and prepared. I’m really happy to see you doing well and to witness this new phase in the service you provide through Relationship Alive.

How do i repair my wife

C y be

wow wow wow. full body chills from this story of Sherri’s 3-year-old son. we really hold our ancestral stories in our bodies

❤ Sue Johnson RIP. Great work for all of us teaching us how we can succeed in vulnerablility😮

Oh my God it's so good to see you again I missed you so much

Great video. This really helped normalize so many feelings. Thank you ❤️

It is good to see you back. I sure hope you have more people on your Podcast who come from and work with populations of people who cannot afford to pay hundreds of dollars a session for therapy. And i hope your episodes will fearure more people from communities you have not acknowledged nor focused on yet.

Hi Neil, I wrote to you via Facebook messenger a few years ago responding to an episode where you had said something significant that I had found incredibly invalidating to people who survived complex domestic abuse and who live with PTSD. I remembered it had to do with when you began talking about leaving a relationship and how it was possible in every situation to be able to determine when you need to leave. I found this incredibly harmful and ignorant to many situations of entrapment and abuse. I recall messaging you about how heavily indiviudalized perspectives that you had shared at the time put the onus entirely on victims to be able to leave abusive and serious situations all on their own, and how this leaves any communal care and responsibilities out of larger systems of support. You responded with vaguely affirming/validating it saying it was food for thought. It sounds like you've discovered some humility here and I hear a willingness in you that wasn't there before. A willingness to practice mercy and kindness rather than perfectionism and demanding of people more than they are capable of. Your perspectives in many episodes was quite Privileged and not informed by poor/working class and domestic violence/abuse survivorship. Not everyone's financially stable to afford therapy. Not everyone has access to communal care and support. Most people are actually lonely. Most people are struggling financially and cannot afford therapeutic care. There is an entire political movement called The Poor People's Campaign that i hope you educate yourself about. Resilience is a Privleged ability, that requires community and support, the kind you mentioned in your share here that many don't have. It's not a matter of willpower or mindset. Systemic injustice, public policy, food deserts, low wage dead end situations and unfair/insane housing costs are the foundation of a REAL conversation that i really hope your Podcast addresses rather than merely avoids talking about or pretends isnt there. Not everyone can afford time off, Neil. Most can't, in all actuality. So, i hope your newfound humility and willingness to learn from the traumas of people who have grown up and currently live in conditions harsher than you will inform your perspectives going forward.

I am so happy Neil. I’ve been looking for another relationship podcast and nothing compares to relationship alive! The amazing guests and thoughtful interviews. So so happy you are back 💖

The commercials in this were such a disappointment. Just started to get into the content, then interrupted by you selling me something, minutes long. I won’t be listening to any more of your content because of this.

❤❤❤

Neil Sattin, excellent information! One point...the repeated exploration of disgust seems very off-track for most relationships.

I sent texts to 33444... Passion...later... Relate...and no response. What can you tell me?

So glad to see you back, Neil! Thank you for being very authentic in sharing your story and your struggles. I had a thought as you were discussing acknowledging our imperfections. We are "perfectly imperfect". I'm very much looking forward to more episodes from you. Your voice is very calming and you share your real self.

Where is the Gottman guide?

Hey, your Apple podcasts link to write a review isn't working... Would be good to allow it again.

Amazing to have you back. Fishing around in Apple podcasts before sleep, oddly, felt the need to click on Relationship Alive, despite not knowing what the heck happened to you. How divine to see your new podcast. Hearing the intro music took me back to 2016... Ahhhh, Neil is back!! Super stoked. You shared so much back then and I grew so much because of it. I must admit that I did feel a little worried and upset when you just disappeared. Betrayed? Hardly! No, just sad. So glad to hear your wonderful voice again and continue our human journey together. If anything, losing you in my life helped me to realize how much I valued you... I hope this time around, you have a few more topics related to single people who aren't willing to continue in those relationships where it's too much work, not enough good... how to try again... To not get down...

Had been wondering what happened to you Neil. Sorry to hear about you and Chloe. It reminds me of Helen and Harville getting to the brink of divorce after teaching relationships around the world. Even with all the knowledge at our fingertips making intimate loving last for a lifetime is the hardest work on the planet. Good to have your voice in the mix again. Please have s follow up with Keith Witt. One of the most profound relationship gurus I've heard. And I've been doing this for 25 years. Charlie

Hi Neal. I hope you will also be active on your IG page

Neil, some thoughts about so-called "failing relationships": In another podcast, Dr. Peter Levine said, "We have in our nervous system, a magnet, tuned in a certain frequency, and then you have somebody else with their trauma, their magnet... they just seek each other. They are just driven to each other." And now I believe that the yet another pain in the yet another relationship is yet another chance for us to discover yet another psychological blind spot in ourselves. Dr. Lindsay Gibson said in a podcast, "it doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to work, so we're ready for that, but you still can get so much mileage out of practicing let me get in touch of myself, let me not be confused about who I am and what I want first of all, and let me figure out what I am really after [...] even if you don't end up in that same relationship, you are learning how to turn back to yourself, instead of trying to please the other person, or trying to passify the other person, and that skill [...] you can carry it with you for the rest of your life [...] They can pay off big later." So it's still a success. A success in our own life journey. Congratulations Neil, for what you have got from your pain and your journey! Hope to hear from you again, Neil! I love your podcasts. I love how you interview people. I love your insights!

Neil!! A big welcome back!!! I've been listening to so many of your podcasts and they've been super helpful for me! Sometimes we need a while to stop and think. I've been "taking a rest" for quite a while so I understand you. Please don't feel sorry at all! Nice to listen to you again and super nice to SEE you!!

Really appreaciate your clear and calm way of expressing, easy to digest❤ thank you, good and to the point talk.

So fresh to see someone so real like Me!!!!!!! Actually I got an email from Spotify today saying that someone logged in into my account from Israel, maybe was YOU, LOL! I logged into SPOTIFY and your podcast was right there in front of my eyes. Welcome back!!!!!!!!!!

You still have you and that is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow! you are an amazing person. Have the vulnerability that many don't.

I really missed you. So glad you’re safe and back 🎉❤

Welcome back and sharing your voice around the topic of relationship. I will be curious to hear about people that stay together but not necessarily around the western idea of relationship. I would be interested by people that looked to be together with a partner but never happened, how they live that. Happy 50s

Welcome back!! Looking forward to your videos!

It's great to have you back, Neil! Thank you for sharing so authentically... I appreciate you so much for that! You have such a beautiful presence, it's great to see you on video. Good luck with everything you're up to. Many Blessings! ❤

Hi Neil, not sure if you’ll get to see this comment but writing here nonetheless to bring forth input at this relaunch juncture. Hope it provides some use as you steer this work in this phase. First off it was a surprise to see this come up. I had thought the show was abandoned (in retrospect while writing this, noting some parallels to the experiences you spoke of in this video). There was not an unsub neither was there an expectation for a return. Which brings to the sense I had about the first 255 episodes. While not all of them were heard, a decent chunk were. So the following is based on this context. My sense about their problem wasn’t so much that you were seeking to prevent relationships from ending. Rather it was that it became IMO rather “empty”. It became filled with platitudes. Which in itself isn’t necessarily an issue but in context of the importance of the subject (i.e. building relationships) it became somewhat difficult to listen to. In this sense, there is an ambivalence about engaging with RA once again. There is a curiosity but also a sense maybe outgrowing RA has occurred. IMO what was spoken to in this edit/video, it seems like a pendulum swing to the other end of where you perceive you were prior. IMO not sure if that’s necessary nor what the true heart of the matter is. IMO there is a good place that we can reach. One akin to the picture you paint about your early childhood. The point isn’t to abandon the notion. Where we feel alive, safe and affirmed at a felt sense level. Neither of course is the point about avoiding conflict by implementing enough communication skills, cognitive framing before hand because we are petrified of ‘conflict’, because we are misguided in identifying it as the source of the issue. There is no way to uniformly cover in this writing why divorce rates etc. are on the rise, are becoming more “normal” given the multitude of reasons and circumstances. However IMO it would likely not be unreasonable to suggest that some of these relational ruptures do stem from having not experienced, seen, felt “successful” relationships. Successful in that they are growing, edifying, generative for the persons within and even without the relationship. IMO if we are to improve matters at a societal, cultural level (as you somewhat spoke to in the later portion), we must seek to uphold that a good place in our lives, in our relationships is possible. If in fact, well within reach. That it’s there for the taking if we want it. We need more of us to have this seeming “impossible”. Not as a societal pressure, marker of “success” but because it’s in our very nature. We are social, bonding creatures. If we are partnered with someone with whom we are unable to steer together towards a fruitful, bountiful relational union, yes, a departure is reasonable. Yet equally it doesn’t need to be indicative or conclusive that good relationships are not a thing, or that we should not seek to foster one when we are amidst a relationship. Breaking up isn’t the point. Divorcing isn’t the point. Avoiding conflict isn’t the point. Trying to wrangle our thoughts with ever more clever ideas, semantics isn’t the point. Giving up isn’t the point. Cynicism, being “realistic” isn’t the point. The point is being seen, it’s seeing, it’s giving and receiving love. On a separate and closing note, hope you had a wonderful 50th. Hope too you will have a timely conversation with your dad. Lastly, not sure if you got to speak to/interview Dr Sue Johnson again for the batch of upcoming episodes before she passed. Would be brilliant if you can reply so? So I can keep a look out for that. Thank you :) Wishing you the very best with the RA reboot!

I always enjoy the insight of other thinkers. Welcome back, glad to have you back, I’ve missed you.

WOW I am so happy I came across this video as it was so so helpful! Thank you!

WOW I am so happy I came across this video as it was so so helpful! Thank you!

They never talk about abuse or when one person rejects repair attempts when they are responsible for major disrespect, when they say they don’t care, when they deny and gaslight but suddenly want to try Gottman. I feel they are weaponizing it against me now.

Gary wilson the legend❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

He has become a glutton, and gaibed huge amounts of weight, he drinks beer and visits bars with bands and dancing regularly sometimes without inviting me or my knowledge until after the fact.

Continued from last comment: The first 18 months were fantastic for us both. The last 5 months are only fun and good when I pay to maintain our lifestyle. If I close the money purse, it's one argument after another, it's all about his depression, he needs gas, he needs income, he needs sex, he needs....

What if the relationship was great until the man lost his work income for 4 months with no prospects and the woman has to use all her retirement funds and income because the man who is younger and not retired has no income for long periods as a general contractor and handyman??? She contributed $15,000 in this last year, $5,000.00 was a loan to him to prevent his bad credit. He started off inviting her to an $85.00 sushi lunch and paid for everything on dates and luxury week ends away for concerts. Now it's totally reversed and she pays gas, food, outings. He is chauffeur

Obviously tremendous.

Well spoken

"Evolution does not like monogamy" that sounds like complete nonsense to me. Raising a human kid is hard work and obviously a stable couple will be more successful at it

I'm sorry.. 3 words lol

Orgasm and ejaculation are not the same thing, does this only apply to men? Why are woman multi-orgasmic if it causes the some negative effect?

What a paradox! The idea that trying to "soften the blow" when delivering news is really to protect myself - because behind that, I believe it will protect the relationship (which I need because I'm a vulnerable animal) - so in a sense I am being selfish by trying to protect you, which primarily protects me. I can't remember where I read/heard it, but it's that love is like holding your neck up to the blade. Like a dog that rolls over and offers you it's belly. If you can't be straight/honest with your partner, and handle the consequences, then what's the point? How bonded are you really? I really love Stan Tatkin - his advice seems more concrete/direct than, for example, Sue Johnson. I like Sue Johnson more, actually, because her approach to "hold me tight" conversations is, in a nutshell, if we can get past the BS of our own defenses and "offer ourselves" to our partner, it is our greatest risk, and greatest reward. In a sense, she is saying, if we can create the memory of these deep bonding conversations, we can increase our epistemic trust (you are good, I am good). But her model (EFT) also requires a therapist to "catch the bullets" (her term), which I think, is the idea that if a therapist can't protect both partners from each other then the safety will never go deep enough. Stan's advice seems to be more "10 commandments of relationships", where as Sue's advice seems to be more, for lack of a better word, esoteric, like if we can go "this deep" once and know it's possible, maybe we can start repeating it on our own. If anyone can help me decode these differences, please chime in!