Very good episode. You help me finding interesting stuff we’re my FA attachments can come from

Paulien, can you talk about how to rebuild trust after a breakup and getting back together? i broke up with my person and we are back together yet she holds back done, scared that i will leave again

Hi Pauline I am considering if I should enroll in your program, but what I struggle the most is with being in a relationship. I heard you have ROCD programs but in Dutch . Can I heal my romantic relationships with the regular program without the ROCD content?

Thank you so much for making this video. In one of her videos, Heidi Priebe talks about a “Ball of Pureness” in describing those who are Fearful-Avoidant. Those who have a Fearful-Avoidant attachment style are good people - exceptionally good people. It hurts me to have seen, and to hear from you, how little they appreciate just how good they are. I can’t thank you enough for giving them a small glimpse of how good they, actually, are!

I just had one of the most intense cries of my life. This was fucking wild. How often is it okay to do this?

sadly, this described me perfrctly

It all makes sense now. I guess my girlfriend was a FA. Our whole relationship made no sense. She said I was the most heathy relationship ever, but nothing was good enough. After being rejected 10+ times, I could not take it anymore. Of course I ended things and she always came back only to discard again. Usually took 2-3 weeks. The sad thing is she dies no work on herself. Of course it’s over, but she calls me to tell me how her new boyfriend shuts her down and I would never do those things. SMH

Srsly, how can anyone want to be together with someone, who has these uncertainties? Who has these thoughts? Who is constantly questioning the relationship? That's my big thing, I have these thoughts and I feel like everyday I am not breaking up with them I am lying to them. I told myself "the next time I will stop ruminating and just let go", but I can't. I just continue to hurt people. One thing really resonated with me from the vid...the thoughts that devalue my partner are the same that devalue myself. Maybe I have to look at them like that...not a sign of missing love, but an echo of my experienced devaluation by my parents. My inner critic not only lashing out against myself, but also against others. Great video als always.

Happy to have found you !

What do you by ‘being messy together’? How?

I vote for you elaborating on your thoughts of the twin flame idea. Your videos help me a lot and I'm in a new relationship and also getting over the person i believed was my "twin flame" for a few years. I still get stuck in the rumination about the connection and the "what could have been" but that person was kind of a huge asshole and my current partner is just fabulous so I'm super over this shit and would love to know what you think about it.

Yes, i can completely resonate with this.💯

Hey Pauline I have a question. I am 26 years old and currently living at my moms place till I find a job. She is an FA definitely (she had no peaceful or adult like relationship ever and every aspect of your Videos duo to us both). But I am on my way to healing. Whenever my mom and me spend too much time together we trigger each other very much. She has rules I and whenever I do smth that does not suit her (and you can’t always know what even when you walk perfectly on eggshells) I am just wrong, not normal, have problems, am under a bad influence and everything is my fault. This triggers me so much that I am moody and passive aggressive. What comes out of that is us talking in a rough voice and blaming each other. Do you have any advice how to deal with an FA parent in such an intense situation? I try to ignore her comments about everything especially about my relationship which is long distance and in her opinion no real relationship.

Thank you so much for this🎉💯🎈✨

What does 1st round mean in your program? Is the cost a 1 time thing, or are each round an extra fee/charge?

It's so sad even knowing deep down it's OCD. The doubts are so strong they take over. Took a long time for me to actually KNOW it was ocd and not the relationship

❤❤ Thank you

I dnt know what im going through.but im in a relationship and i dnt want to end it.but i get this pressure of ending it with no reasons.i still look ways if i can feel anything for him,or am i still in love with him or not and it is giving me anxiety and depressed

Law of attraction isn't "your thoughts will manifest." It's the thoughts that you accept that as true is what will manifest. Your mother, according to what you said here, only questioned what it would be like if you were to die. Had your mother believed her thoughts, meaning "my daughter is going to die," then that would have manifested for her.

I just got dumped by my FA partner right on the 6 months mark. He told me he couldn't give me what i wanted and deserved (marriage), that he lost feelings for me and wanted to remain single. Typical FA lines. I never even mentioned marriage recently, this is the second time he pulled away because it was in his mind. He told me he was anxious about breaking up with me. He said he did love me but his feelings changed. I could feel him deactivate. I'm the second he ever loved. He has turned cold. It's been 19 days. I hope he comes back. I'm in no contact. What are the chances of him returning?

Very helpful and will start to implement this in my own life ☺️

So, my story start from my college i liked a girl. so i started talking to her with time i get attached to her so much and she is maybe not interested, so her every action used to make me obsessed i used to think of her all day and maybe she not that much interested but used to flirt with me and all she is the most beautiful girl in my college everyone used to hit on her. she is not consistent with me maybe we talk for 1 or 2 days and goes without for days and i was getting obsessed or maybe depressed like i used to think she is flirting one day and then not talking to me for days and it was confusing for me so i confessed her one day that i love her and she said yes i was so happy and everything was going right like i was in so much peace after 15 or 20 days we had sex and i kind of don't like it and it was my first time maybe i don't like it because in my mind i always assumed that sex should feel that way that i watched in porn and movies all those stories i made in my mind for years and after that i started questioning my feelings for my partner i used to check my feelings do i find her attractive or not and used to compare my feelings from my past relationship that was so toxic and this relationship is so healthy and after questioning for months and watching videos on you tube i got know that i have r-ocd and its been 5 months but i still have those thoughts 24*7 and previous thoughts don't bother me even they come i can easily brush them off but now it's been almost a month i have same question or thought do i love her or not have \ anxiety whenever my minds says you don't love her i feel fear and start having anxiety i don't know what to do but still going on hoping one day everything will be fine.

Thankszzzz! This is new to my ears and I recognise it.

I've heard that flaw finding is a deactivation strategy. Is that true?

I just want to be close and trusted and loved and cared by someone but i want to stay away from people

The other thing with any OCD stuff I find is that NO amount of reassurance you get is EVER enough. If anything it just makes the whole thing worse in the end even if it makes it a little bit better in the short run. You just end up needing more and more over every little thing and the things you are unsure about morph and expand.

ITs sad how avoidat get to go into relationship even with secure partner, while there is a LOT people who are much healthier and just cant find anyone. But these sick ones get the good one... and then good people get the sick ones. It sucks

This is also helpful to make me a better parent before its too late. ❤

I check all the things you say apart from not 10... but it's all about how im not good enough, so i obsess he eventually will find someoone kinder, funnier, more engaging, slimmer, sexier, more compatible... more creative haha and i see people who i think would suit him better than me. We are so opposite haha i also think long term im unlovable. Because of my fearful avoidant style i think and how i handle some relationships. Yeah and deffo want to break up to mitigate pain in the future. Im scared this love will be taken away. Scared to let go and trust it will be ok. ❤ weve been together nearly 7 years, i was married before for 17 years and shut myself totally down.

Thank you ❤ wow, its so reassuring to hear you as you have taken much burden from my spirit from your videos generally. I have been on such a journey to figure out what is wrong with me as it's been so high and so low for so long. I didn't understand myself. I'm interested in the twin flame thing. At one point, I got obsessed with tarot to tell me if my relationship was meant to be. That was years ago, but I'm triggered all the time. By talking about my relationship with the wrong people, by worries I'm not attractive for him,, that he would be happier with someone else, that I should let him be free to love and find his soul mate. Eeek. 😂😢❤ it's tiring and not helpful.

I use tapping and breathing techniques which do help me feel calmer, but personally what I find works best for me is writing. I find somehow clarifying my thoughts and getting them out in a coherent fashion helps me calm down. Writing works for me because it allows me time to actually understand what I am feeling and express it. If I start to express what I am feeling badly I can simply delete it and rephrase it. When I express myself verbally often my brain is working so fast because of my anxiety that my expression is often garbled and confusing for the listener and that often leads my brain to go off on tangents which becomes even more confusing for the listener. The worst thing is that when this is happening I realise it and start to over explain to try and make my point in a desperate attempt that the other person will get it. My nervous system becomes more and more dysregulated which means I not only feel agitated and frustrated with myself because I feel I have made my point poorly and also made myself look an idiot. I then ruminate on things for a long period afterwards which means my body does not calm down for sometimes days afternoon as my brain constant rehashed what I have said and I beat myself up for having expressed myself badly. The difference with how I feel with when I get those thoughts and feelings out by writing is immense. When I write I can just dump my thoughts out like slapping a lump of clay down on to a pottery wheel. I am then able to mould them into the shape I want. Then when they are in the basic format I am happy with I can rework them to make sure it is exactly what I wanted to say. I find that this whole process relaxes me in a way that nothing else does because not only does it help me understand what I am thinking and feeling and know I have expressed it coherently, but ideas and feelings I had bubbling under the surface, like lava from a volcano, come spewing out and the nervous energy that I have been putting in subconsciously to suppress them also dissipates. The beauty for me is also that I don't even care if someone else reads them. This is not driven by a need for external validation, but a desire for inner calm

i always have this thing that eventually they will cheat or like leave or something will happen , like they will say something to hurt me etc , is this like a unloveabilty wound and how do i overcome feeling like this , like eventually i will be cheated on and no one can love me for long and unconditionally

Always helpful and delivered with your genuine care. 💖

Hi Paulin, I'm 100% sure my girlfriend has fearful avoidant attachment and I don't want to demand her to change but I just want her to be aware about it so I know I am the healthy one and the secure one in the relationship and she will stop saying and thinking that I am the reason that she is acting in an avoidant way and she find faults in me. Can you make a video about it soon or can you answer about it here? Or can I e-mail you? I really want and need your answer. You said that as partners of fearful avoidant we shouldn't try to change them and we have to accept them as they are but at least I want her to be aware that she has it. Please help someone

I am a nurse so whenever anyone gets violent in their communication or behaviour I am triggered and I feel not safe at work. We got a restraining order on my father and i didnt see him since i was 5. You said your no longer as affected, I wonder how? or what I can do.

this is great content but what about those who are single and who when trying to find someone finds flaws quickly and feels put off and never gets anywhere because of this fear.

The first time I had a woman get really close to me I broke down crying and told her to get away, to not get close to me because she’s going to end up hurt…it was a very strange reaction. We ended up staying together for two years and I’m glad she pushed past that with me. In the end she needed a tougher man to put her in her place because she was actually immature and insecure in a number of ways and at that time I was not confident enough in my own wisdom-nor did I feel entitled to a healthy relationship. Phew! Dramatic!

Does a Fearful Avoidant ever take their walk down after they discard a partner? Mine hard blocked me, no social media, phone blocked. I ran into her and although we did talk she was closed down.

These help me soo much… thank you❤❤❤

#10 omg yes a circle of those thoughts PLUS that is killer

You are all 10 of my obesessions!

Brown Elizabeth Young Ronald Harris Mary

Watched the video almost twice back to back to the end , lot of info i already knew . I think my FA genuinely want to heal and become more secure but she aint putting the effort because she is also touched from either Lupus or MS which make this cocktail so much worse , not even the FA style work her body and drain her down but the diease also boost it x 10 .... I beat myself that our relationship worsen her diease and i can't help myself but loving her and want to be there supporting her specially through this diease , she need medical attention and we are financially stuck . So what i can do is learn how to not trigger her wounds as an anxious partner i learned a lot with your content , from your own experiences ♥ You are a source of hope for my relationship , IF you been able she can too . But i can't do it for her 😥

Your content is just SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO valuable hun 🥲 I am an axiously attached partner and i am here trying to figure out what in the world is happening in my relationship that keep breaking up over the past year and reconecting making a true mess in my brain . . . I learned about attachment theory this year and was avoiding the Fearfull/Disorganized topic as i was only hyper focusing on Dissmissive avoidant i thought my GF/Ex? idk at this point lol has , but afther this last part of time we been together again i figured she is an FA and I want to understand her needs and how she deal with emotions as she can't speak it out to me and i love her with such passion , i'll do anything to give this relationship the best of chances . I trully wish she would look at your Channel which i shared afther our last breakup , because you would bring her so much help and understanding of what is going on . all those body effect and her diease she have now make a shit tons of sense ... and i beat myself that our relationship is probably worsening her Diease . So i just wanted to thanks you , ive been watching those video in bulk since i found your channel a few days ago , and all those doubts i had and mixed signals i was receiving make so much sense now . I'll be continuing to educate myself with your channel about FA for Myself , My partner or Ex ? and if not her perhaps the next person in my life will be FA and this knowedge is a blessing ♥

This really hit me to the point that I was tearing up regarding how really every single type of relationship in my life feels to me. I have been trying to tell myself for years that I am worthy of love but it really does not stick honestly

Really needed this 🥹😭🥲 It’s given me so much hope that I can heal this. The EFT was so good, I had a huge emotional release ❤

All these boil down to a willingness to work through issues together in a healthy way in my opinion. If two people work out issues in a healthy way they can build a strong relationship.

This is so good!!!! Very accurate information. I love how you broke down the different ways that limerence can manifest.

I have lived through what you described, she did break up with me and moved on to another. She often said she had never been loved the way I loved her, she didn't deserve it. Then slow faded away. A friend of mine was the first to identify she was scared away... Didn't know anything about attachment styles then. I hope she finds her way to healing, I do believe she's a good person buried by trauma and fear. I'm working to become more secure. I cherish the good memories we made together and the time I got to be with her.