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Thank you so much for sharing your experience with neurodivergent anger! as an auDHD woman my mom and I fought constantly until I moved out of my home state. We have a really good relationship now, but the neurodivergent anger is real.

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Praying for you to break from that lifestyle.

I love cats, this really comforts me 🥰

I dont think shes queer.

Just thought I'd say hello. Thanks. Jason D.

So you are a Lesbian? How long did it take for you to figure that out being Autistic?

There is A LOT in your video I identify with...

yaaay queer girlies! found you on tiktok, its nice to see you in long form too. good luck with the job hunt!

I don't believe in instagram

only people who actually have nothing better to do with their lives... AMA!

I'm so so curious about how and why this often comes together. Because same, I've known I was gay since I was 5/6 (I'm 29 now) and started to research autism in girls/started therapy in 2017 - but I don't believe that it's the "already different"/more comfortable with alternative lifestyles" thing that I've heard people say about girl with autism frequently being queer - I wanted SO badly to fit in, I was absolutely not comfortable with it. I'm just so curious what it is about autism that (appears to) coexist with queerness so frequently

Thats so sad. Prayinf for you 🙏

I resonate strongly with the comment about how the label saved your life. I got diagnosed at 37 after years and years or worsening burnouts, and it finally gave me a chance to seek the support that I need, instead of struggling to survive and beating myself up for not being able to do the things other people seem to do with ease. Now I'm starting to think I might actually make it to my 40th birthday, and that maybe life won't be a 24/7 hellish struggle all the time. Edit. Oh, and there's a definite connection between autism and queerness (hi, fellow queer autistic woman here). From wikipedia: "Current research indicates that autistic people have higher rates of LGBTQ identities and feelings than the general population."

Proud of you, I hope Canada is treating you well x

Me too

that's not queer only because it's trendy, is it?

The worst part of the rage, meltdowns etc happens in undiagnosed girls. Who were probably abused as well. One recently shot her mom and now she is in prison for life. You can actually hear the 14 year old girl screaming and yelling as she was shooting. The other is being taken advantage of as in the sandman trio case.

Nice vid! Sorry to hear about the job hunting delays. A lot of people are struggling to find work at the moment, especially in the tech industry. Have you made any vids about your profession/what industry you're looking for jobs in? If you have then I must have missed it

You’re so brave hang in there

Huh. I thought you came out in a previous video a couple months ago. Anyway, crappers on the job hunt. I wish you all the jobness there in good ol’ Toron’a. Welcome to Canada! ❤

I never had issues with my anger, i only had issues with people not being decent and not being able to shunt my anger to the side. I have learned to harness my anger and now it is always at the ready for when it is needed.

If I may, I found the best way to forgiveness is realising that it’s not for them, it’s for you. I did make a video on this awhile back but will probably do something similar again soon. Thanks so much for sharing, I almost lost my family because not only was there a HULK living inside of me, when I lost control I caused a lot of havoc and collateral damage - even with that I’m so grateful I never hurt anyone I love physically. ✌️

Insta is gross, right?

Fun video! I relate to your journey a lot and I so respect you documenting your journey for us ..🙂

thank you for talking about your anger, i think it's something that should be talked about more. i am different in that i internalise so much of my anger (i think it's the masking, self dx autistic) to the point where it causes me more stress than externalising it would. but i have so much experience being dismissed when i try to fix whatever is causing me anger, or not knowing how to solve the issue, so i end up with a pile of sour feelings that i can't let go of. anger is a big part of the autistic experience from my knowledge and research but i think because of optics it isn't spoken about as much as it should be. especially with many of us experiencing alexithymia, talking about how to recognise and externalise anger in a reasonable, kinder way is really necessary to avoid bad social outcomes and emotional repression. that was very rambly but again thank you and i love your videos so much, i always watch asap and i love your chill music choices ♥ can't wait to see more from you.

You’re looking happy & healthy, love to see it!

Yay i'm so exited you are queer 🎉 i'm also a queer autistic and love your videos

i relate to a lot of things you say and i've from time to time wondered if i might be on the spectrum but i denied it and just chalk it all up to having social anxiety and me just being particular about certain things. and now im wondering if i should get tested but i dont want to seem like i am just trying to "be different" or "be trendy"

This made me cry! Because it hit the spot on to what I've been through. After feeling like an alien on this planet for 39 years, I was diagnosed 13 years ago and was ashamed to tell anyone about it, as I just feared being judged. Since coming forward and telling people I've felt accepted. Not by them, but by myself. I don't have to sit in my silent hole of shame anymore. Thank you Elena, this felt really validating.

My question is, how can so many of us feel so similar and have lived such a similar experience??

Thank you!

When telepathy lets you down

Hi new subscriber here 👋 just wanted to say I came across this video and look forward to watching more. Totally relatable what you have shared here. It's good to shine a light on alexithymia and having more language for it.

I am so grateful this video made it onto my feed. I relate to essentially everything you’ve said, so yes it all makes sense. Thank you so much for your vulnerability, it is beautiful and valued… this is exactly what I needed to hear 💕

I would like to know what’s your diet like, does being autistic has any effect on it? And btw your skin looks so good. 🖤

Thank you for this 😭your vulnerability saved so many ppl so quickly you don’t even know….. I am struggling to get my autism diagnosis as a single mom so I have been unemployed.. now I have an interview Friday and I am worried about exactly what you have been talking about in this video……. Or I will say a bunch of words that I assume gets my point across and they will understand something entirely different and I’ll have yet another scary job experience

My mom said i was very well-behaved as a toddler i would just sit when I was put down and i was very emotional i cried a lot for no reason

Thanks for posting this video. I really relate to exactly to everything you said. Especially here 2:27 I’ve always thought about that. Being nervous in interviews makes this even worse. I’m wondering if you have ADHD too? Whether stimulants help with that. I’m being prescribed my medication in 2 weeks and I look forward to experience the difference in how they would help me with interviews. I’m currently looking for jobs and this struggle is all I can think about…. One thing I think might help is PRACTICE, not just by yourself, but actual real interviews, do as many as you can with reasonable amount of preparation (don’t over-prepare) because this is like exposure therapy, the more you’re exposed to something the less fearful you are of that thing. Being less fearful of judgement (therefore less nervous) will help so much with how structured and streamlined your thoughts are. On top of that, doing as many interviews gives you the experience that makes you familiar with questions and how to answer them as you’ve reflected on and learned from many past interviews. Best of luck. You got this!! 💪

Being self aware and getting on top of it right away is very useful. When I've pushed things I notice that my sensitivities to external stimuli like sounds (hearing quiet sounds and becoming annoyed) or lights (LED lights become very bright and blinding) affect me more. Very relateable video, thank you for sharing.

I now absolutely don't want to LOOK autistic

Fellow Kiwi here! (It's always nice finding Kiwi creators here on YT 🙂) I'm undiagnosed but I'm really starting to think I have autism too. It would explain A LOT, as I seem to be able to relate to most of the struggles of autistic people that I've been learning about so far. I'm a guy but I am quite conventionally attractive, as well as being a classic men's style enthusiast who enjoys dressing to the nines just for fun, so I couldn't blame someone for looking at me and thinking I must have it all together, not realising what a train wreck my brain is haha 😹👍

My best friend gets a lot of that, I don't as much because either fortunately or unfortunately, I "look" more "visibly autistic", people can tell with me a lot of the time but not as much her. She hates how people make assumptions about her, about me, and about the nature of our friendship. They often assume that she has a caretaker role for me and don't understand that we're two autistic women who truly "get" each other and have tons of inside jokes the rest of the world doesn't understand.

Yeah music is a big one for me to bring out emotions.

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I believe you. When dealing with someone like that you have to sometimes (often) say no and wait until they ask again to make sure they really want. That need to comply can also be exarbeted by a fear of rejection. Dealing with someone with autism particularly if that person have any comorbidity is very hard. If you don't watch yourself you can end up abusing that person pretty badly, their fear of rejection would bring them to ask for things they don't really want simply to please. Say no if they ask for something not align with their best interests but that benefits you. Also that person would have very disturbing behavior and reaction about stuff that appear minor to us (Noise for example) To an average uneducated mind those reaction appear extremely exagerrated and absolutely inappropriate so the "punishment" or "anger" feel by those around would be pretty intense. Again say no ! No to the reaction buy don't over react or punish, they would simply be damaged by your own incapacity to cope. I suspect autism people that appear fonctionnnal are more likely to develop comorbidity for the reason that they are constantly abuse and pretty badly by those around them who constantly expect "normal behavior" The autism is harwired very often the second or others comorbidity are develop by a harsh environment wich ultimately make that person even more disfonctionnal. This is a sad state of affair. It is far better to remove yourself from that person life if you can't manage things well. But avoid punishment and over reacting, it only cause further problem. Punishing an autistic mind that suffer from other grave comorbidity is the equivalent of torturing a blind for not seeing. It is plain cruel and unnecessary. The problem is that some appear very normal wich make the abuse they receive far worst. Such a person need special assistance and a very patient and caring environment. The advancements of science will bring healing to those tortured mind in the comming decades.

“I live in adrenaline.” 🙌🏻 No wonder we can read our own body’s signals/our emotions!!

Interesting video; you've got some good alexithymia techniques.

Thanks for the video, as a kiwi have you heard of MiriMiri?