Жыл бұрын
Жыл бұрын
Жыл бұрын
Жыл бұрын
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@MacheteKitten 2 ай бұрын
I overheard a guy "whatever" a server in a VERY douchey tone the other day when I was having lunch with my friend. If a guy did that on a date with me that would be it. Even if he was Grumpy McGrumper Pants that day there is no reason to talk to talk to staff like that. Or just don't go out if you can't act civilized.
@falaafalstick 2 ай бұрын
I’ll be nice to the waiter, but rude to her ! You’re supposed to be rude to the manager, so you get the meal for free😎
@שםשם-צ1ב 2 ай бұрын
Sounds like every guy I dated, it’s so sad that there are so many of them
@jbrendel98 4 ай бұрын
All I heard at the end was “blah blah blah I might be able to build a successful relationship with them” 😂😂
@tashaetoile2887 4 ай бұрын
Great video thank you so much.
@chrisshowering7357 7 ай бұрын
I never want another man, I've been used physically and abused mentally i am far better off on my own.
@Tiago_R_Ribeiro 8 ай бұрын
Thanks for this video.
@Percy-auto 9 ай бұрын
nice content, please can you share your social media handles?
@_Sam_-zh7sw 10 ай бұрын
why the fuck do you want an emotionally unavailable man in the first place? its like knowing that someone is not good but you still chase them?
@Apbt-rv7zw 11 ай бұрын
Do you think they (wife) should tell you if they are hanging out with their male friends? Avoidant wife told me she should be able to have friends with whoever she wants. Head telling me to walk away, if we were boyfriend girlfriend I would walk straight away. 5 yrs married, trying to hold on, but feeling this is a futile relationship.
@nzingahoney Жыл бұрын
Thank you. It is hard to find comtent about this and it is of concern to me for a few years now.
@carolyndurant2489 Жыл бұрын
Thank you. 😢
@rebeccalevenson2801 Жыл бұрын
Thank you!!! Really needed this
@rebeccalevenson2801 Жыл бұрын
Thank you!!! Really needed this
@FatimaZeynalova05 Жыл бұрын
you are the best out there, it is such a pity this channel is underrated
@jakyjak3563 Жыл бұрын
Hey, your videos are awesome:) I am friends with an avoidant girl, we've known each other for 4 years. She told me she never knew safety before me, and she's very vulnerable with me, telling me things she doesnt tell anyone about her feelings, how she regulates her emotions, even at times asking me for some advice or validation when. Comes to her feeling certain emotions at time, for example her not feeling particularly sad during moments of grief. A year ago she started having romantic feelings towards me but then sabotaged "us" by getting with someone she met on holiday and pushed me away. She said she didnt feel underserving of the love I have to give her as she described it as scary. She recently broke up with this guy because she said she couldn't stop thinking about me and realised she made a mistake, now she wants to work on "us", and to rebuild the connection. She said her heart belongs to me and no one will ever have the hold on her that i do. Truth is i don't trust her, what do you think? Do avoidants lie? Thank you :)
@beritmason8567 Жыл бұрын
great video. measured calm and intelligent. and all true! I did all that.
@hwy138 Жыл бұрын
42 years. it was good to find out what was wrong . Found out about 5 years ago. there is no helping him but at least I know he can't ever be what I want.
@sunspiral79 Жыл бұрын
Talk to them without emotions?...right Anybody thats ever dealt with these people knows its hard to keep from strangling them
@joeffreysalingay2959 Жыл бұрын
This might be quite late but Iam glad i have listened to your advise. It works and I am glad that i opened the issue.. At least he knows i am not that person who freaks out easily..
@strangelee4400 Жыл бұрын
What is a Misogynist..?
@DontMindMe121 6 ай бұрын
A completely hatred towards women
@1x93cm Жыл бұрын
this is great. Now people know what to avoid for their own sanity.
@edcoldrock3849 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for the thoughtful insights, HerNorm. I understand your rationale, it's only fair. Since your channel is devoted to relationship advice, it's perhaps imperative that young women be advised about potential outcomes as well. Biology is not fair, nor is it a social construct. Per Tinder's own data, as in life, 20% of men (i.e. attractive & successful) are dating 80% of women. An extreme, highly visible example of this phenomenon is how Lionardo DiCaprio has spent the last 30 years dating nothing but 20yo supermodels. Attractive & successful men (which is what all women want) are at the pinnacle of the sexual marketplace, but they only make up 20% of men. And yes, their marriage standards lean heavily toward youth and all that implies, in part because they have a lot to lose. There is nothing fair about adult life, unfortunately. I felt compelled to write this due to the high number of sobbing woman TikToks. By dismissing biology as misogyny, its detrimental to young women, who instead should be armed with an understanding of male nature. As per my previous comment, I do agree with about 90% of what you said in your video.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Ed, thank you again for your thoughtful comments. I'm hugely appreciating you talking about this in good faith. And I do respect your desire to minimize the number of people sobbing about their relationships. We absolutely share that aim! :) In another format, I'd love to talk about this in great detail with you (probably with a beer) because I think we could get into some quite deep and interesting philosophy. Suffice to say I agree with some portions of what you say and have questions/different views on others. Unfortunately, that would probably lead to us producing a Philosophy 101 course in the KZbin comments section. Not a space famed for nuance, despite our best efforts. I will think about places where I can helpfully highlight some of the things that you've said and I hope that our discussion has prompted viewers to think about the issues we've been thinking about. As an aside, those are crazy stats from Tinder. I'm gonna have to hunt those down. As a self-confessed statistics nerd, I'd love to dig down into those numbers to understand exactly what's going on there.
@marianomanto Жыл бұрын
Men value sexual purity for evolutionary reasons, same as women value men's height. It is a deep rooted, natural preference. But men are shamed for their preferences, while women are empowered to demand they are met.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
We disagree on whether those preferences are biological or social in origin, and probably about how universal those preferences actually are. We're not going to convince each other in these comments and that's ok. That said, I abhor a double standard. If a woman suggested that a man was *less valuable as a person* because he was short... she would absolutely not enjoy the response she received from me.
@marianomanto Жыл бұрын
@@hernorm life is full of double standards, many of them benefiting women, others benefiting men. It is not fair. It is reality. And reality doesn't care about feelings. Social constructionism is a scam, check the data to verify how universal preferences are. 80% of men are deemed as non attractive on dating apps, which are mostly based on looks. Because only 20% of men are six feet tall or more.
@edcoldrock3849 Жыл бұрын
#1: Agree #2: Agree & Disagree. Men appreciate casual sex with sexually free women. When it's time to marry though, men with options (i.e., attractive & successful) will choose to marry a more traditional woman since the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Men with options are not threatened by sexual pasts, they are threatened by no-fault divorce & financial ruin. Past behavior is the most reliable indicator of future behavior. Feel free to judge men by the same standard. You will not be accused of misandry. #3: Agree #4: Agree #5:.Agree
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Interesting thoughts Ed. I absolutely see where you're coming from there, and I'm a huge fan of using people's past behavior as a good indication of how they are likely to behave in the future. On the other hand, having multiple sexual partners doesn't mean that you treat any of them badly or cheat on them. If a guy decides not to trust someone who has cheated on partners in the past, I'm 100% on board. If he claims that a woman who has had sex with the same number of people that he has is inherently untrustworthy or has somehow "lost value" (with the implication that he hasn't), I'd find that an uncomfortable focus on women's sexual purity.
@mustno3 Жыл бұрын
Gents, this is why you should invest in cat food companies. Ladies, she's alone, and she want you to be like her. You, using your own criteria, you have some serious very deep rooted misandry. I hope you can seek help.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
If you believe that wanting women to only date men who aren't misogynists somehow means I want them to be alone, I'd suggest that I'm not the one who thinks too little of men.
@mustno3 Жыл бұрын
@@hernorm No, I believe that telling women that biology is misogynist, and that a man who accepts biology, where women on average are physically weaker than Men, is a misogynist, is a delusional misandrist leading women astray.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
If that's what you took away from that video, you've either not watched very much of it, not understood what I said, or you're not commenting in good faith.
@mustno3 Жыл бұрын
@@hernorm I literally transcribed what you said, and I know that even if I post the timestamp where you literally say: "a misogynist is defined as a person who typically believes that women are fundamentally weaker physically" you STILL won't admit it, cause sometimes it's our subconscious that speaks, no matter how hard you'll try to twist it, that's exactly what you said. And I can't really debate someone who outwardly denies what they subconsciously believe.
@katherinestathis7373 Жыл бұрын
^^^ #11 🙄🤣
@bobbysanders3123 Жыл бұрын
😍 Promo'SM
@majorbloodnok6659 Жыл бұрын
Thank you
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
You're welcome
@majorbloodnok6659 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, this was interesting and informative. I would have considered myself to have a secure attachment style in my personal relationships but in my new relationship, with what I now realise is an avoidant person, I was exhibiting anxious behaviours; I felt an urgency to talk about my long unhappy marriage (5 years out). She and I got on very well until...
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
I'm glad you found it helpful. Don't forget that your attachment style is (somewhat) fluid and on a spectrum. You can be more secure with some people and more anxious with others. That's totally normal and it's great that you can identify it
@majorbloodnok6659 Жыл бұрын
I'd say your analysis matched my experience; I've made it to six months. She is good company but as soon as I began to get closer to her, that was it. She has had a series of short-term relationships and claims she "has a problem with men"; as someone who is securely attached, I suspect it is they who have a problem with her. It is up to her to sort her attachment style, not her partners.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Attachment styles absolutely shouldn't be used as an excuse for treating other people badly. They're useful as a way to understand our own behavior and help us become better partners. It sounds like you did a great job of setting your boundaries there.
@majorbloodnok6659 Жыл бұрын
I've been going out with a woman, who I now realise is avoidant, for six months. After a love bombing start she has backed off to the point where I am hurt, disappointed and lonely. I'm out of this 'relationship' and I'll be very wary in future.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
I can totally understand why that would hurt. I really hope you find someone who deserves your open heart
@chrisjones3611 Жыл бұрын
I agree I was in the same situation. There are on their best behavior at first and then they pull back when things become more serious. I brought the issue to her attention and she blocked me. It's been a year since she blocked me and nothing has changed.
@dianecheney4141 Жыл бұрын
I love the post break up I find my exes are always ready to bring me food and other goodies they wouldn’t have done before
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Haha. Great job. Cookies are always welcome
@majorbloodnok6659 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, very useful tips that apply equally when dealing with a male or female avoidant partner. In my case a new relationship with a woman. I will try these ideas but as I am five years out of a near 30 year, unhappy marriage to someone I now realise was also avoidant...
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry you had such a long, unhappy relationship and I wish you all the best with your new relationship. Talking together about your attachment styles is a really great way to understand each other better and to feel like you're working on your relationship as a team.
@majorbloodnok6659 Жыл бұрын
@@hernorm Thank you, I will raise this with her and your video was very helpful; fingers crossed because I do like her.
@thatsaniceboulder1483 Жыл бұрын
As a person who has a self diagnosed avoidant attachment, I’m perplexed how any avoidants would even be in a relationship. Is it a spectrum?
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
It's absolutely a spectrum and it can also adjust over time. Your attachment style is something you have learned as a way to help you cope. When we're adults, it can stop helping to protect us and start to get in the way. Try checking out this video for more thoughts. kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZpyapoKwi5p8gJo
@thatsaniceboulder1483 Жыл бұрын
So, some avoidants actually get into relationships? Or do they have multiple short lived relationships? Do they come across as “picky”?
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Some people with an avoidant attachment style will have lots of short relationships (though everyone's idea of "short" is different). Others will find someone who has a similar need for space and will have a happy relationship. Or they might have a relationship in which their avoidant tendencies cause problems, but where the good points outweigh the bad. I think everyone should be at least a little bit "picky" when they're thinking about a relationship. Being picky means that you're thinking about your needs and (hopefully) whether you can meet the other person's needs. This avoids a lot of heartache in the longer term.
@Regina.Clarke Жыл бұрын
I like this advice!
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
I'm really glad it was useful
@mariapap8962 Жыл бұрын
No DECENT guy will ever breadcrumb you, he will either be very clear about being interested by steadily pursuing you and investing time and effort or he simply won't. ANY kind or degree of breadcrumbing indicates individuals ranging from emotionally unavailable, to emotionally handicapped, or narcissistic disorders even. Nothing good ever results from hanging out with people of those mindsets. Avoid them like the plague!
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
I am loving the boundaries here. Good work
@nadnad2192 Жыл бұрын
Free top G
@sunandwind2983 Жыл бұрын
Amazing how women don't realize this is the male version of a friend zone. Men hold access to relationship's
@nataliewatkins4329 Жыл бұрын
I've never thought of this as being the male version of the friend zone, so that's an interesting idea to explore. The trouble is that the "friend zone" is usually used as a way for guys to complain about women not sleeping with them. I'm not sure it's actually A Thing for most women. There are some parallels, though. In both cases, one person wants more than is currently on offer. The advice in both cases is also pretty similar. Be honest about what you want and recognize that the other person might not want the same thing as you. If they don't want the same thing as you, accept that with good grace and move on. I don't agree that men hold access to relationships, though. A good relationship takes two people who are invested in it. If one person doesn't want a relationship, whether that's a man or a woman, it's not a relationship.
@sunandwind2983 Жыл бұрын
@@nataliewatkins4329 Traditionally the man proposes to the women in the west. That's what I meant when I said men control access to relationship's. And typically men make the first move and they also do the asking out.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
That was probably true in the 1950s, but it doesn't have to be now. Sites like Bumble require women to make the first move, and lots of women (and men) love that dynamic. Those strict gender expectations don't do anyone any good, and it's no bad thing that they're eroding.
@sunandwind2983 Жыл бұрын
@@hernorm I only tryed okcupid when I lived in the state's.Never been on bumble online dating hasn't ever appealed to me. I've always had no problem meeting people at school,work,or in the wild. And yes when I think about it women do approach men. They just do it with eye contact or orbiting a guy. However most men are to stupid to realize what's going on. I'm sure you're right about the online dating sites.
@AlohaMichaelDaly Жыл бұрын
I heard plenty of good analysis here about breadcrumbing. I believe all the traits here of a guy-to-woman breadcrumber apply to the woman-to-guy breadcrumber. I’m hoping multiple thousands of people looking for relationships will find this video sooner rather than later. It’s so important. All the best with the chanel.
@Bornie1977 Жыл бұрын
I agree with you, Michael. A woman can indeed be a textbook breadcrumber. This behaviour is typical of people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, and nowadays that attachment style does not belong to men exclusively.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Thank you for the lovely supportive comment. You're absolutely right. They apply to everyone equally, irrespective of gender or sexuality. I'll do my best to keep making more videos that help everyone understand issues in relationships and how to have a healthy relationship. Let me know if there are any topics you'd really like to see covered. :)
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
@J. González Absolutely! I'm sorry if I came across as suggesting that this was exclusively a male trait. I'll try to be more careful with my language in future. You're completely correct that this has close links with attachment styles. I hope you're enjoying the videos. Please do continue to let me know when there's something I can do better.
@mariapap8962 Жыл бұрын
Having lost my beloved father very recently, i got to realise just how PRECIOUS time with the right people is (be it family members, good friends or a loving partner) and how we should not waste it on wishy - washy situationships with people who don't know what they want, don't value us enough (or don't show it) or are not willing to put in equal effort. Time spent = time we'll never get back. Any time wasted on people or situations that are not really worth it = time we deprive from the people that truly are.
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
I'm sorry to hear about your father. Sending you love. I completely agree about how precious time is. It's important to focus our time and energy on people who will help us grow and be happy, even if that's sometimes difficult.
@mariapap8962 Жыл бұрын
Great info! Looking forward to your video on how to- cleverly - deal with breadcrumbing jerks! (other than to just cut cold turkey and block them everywhere)
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Glad you enjoyed it. I'll get thinking about that video now :)
@jaqgoldfish2044 Жыл бұрын
Your comments section is ewwww I’m sorry peace luv and light 2 u ❤
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
Thank you <3 It's pretty much what I expected when I posted about this, but it's so sad that they feel the need to lash out like that. Keep being your kind, loving self
@davidcarty7584 Жыл бұрын
It's exactly what we all expected you titled is such click bait
@tttttz5005 Жыл бұрын
Bruhhh...Why always 2s and 3s hate on Top G??? While 8,9,10s simp over Tate brothers.😂🤣
@zackbrown5201 Жыл бұрын
The moment I saw her on the thumbnail I knew her stance on Andrew tate would be ....why things in the world are so obvious and predictable 🙄
@TheoHyatt Жыл бұрын
😂😂 facts
@nizsheerpa7978 Жыл бұрын
Andrew Tate is top G...
@Benbeanuts Жыл бұрын
Great! Another cat lady with pro nouns in bio calls everybody she disagrees with a misogynist.
@joanehearts24 Жыл бұрын
What if you are pregnant? In a relationship with a guy that you are attached too.
@nataliewatkins4329 Жыл бұрын
I think it's especially important to focus on yourself when you're pregnant. With everything that's going on for you, spending some time and attention on yourself is going to be really important to keep your relationship strong. Good luck!
@joeffreysalingay2959 Жыл бұрын
It seems tedious to say when you meet individuals whose weakness circles around with an avoidant person. I would like to thank you in advance this vlog is quite useful to the conversation that I am going to do with my crush/friend.. Hehehehe I'll be giving an update soon.. Hope he will reply I am sending these questions of mine through voice message..
@nataliewatkins4329 Жыл бұрын
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you 🤞
@joeffreysalingay2959 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for giving those insights to look on for.. I've got my own taste of being ignored too but instead of being agree and get back to him accusing him of so many things. If I have the time - certainly I did asked him but since I made the mistake.. Just acknowledge the point that I was wrong. Where not into a relationship its were friends.. But I hope and pray he doesn't know I have a crush on him.. Hehe hehe
@hernorm Жыл бұрын
I'm glad you found it useful :) And good luck with your crush!