I hear you. Then why do so many guys do that in terms of themselves and their relationships? Either way, I think my point still stands - why fake it and sell yourself short and undervalue yourself - become it. Be where you’re at. Own it. And improve.

Adjusted. Thanks for pointing it out

Glad it was helpful!

Hey dude - based on your points here, it seems to me that you've had some tough experiences with being honest. Perhaps you've been around people who acted in those ways. But I encourage you not to make that mean *everyone* responds in those ways. Having said that, this is inviting you to communicate with respect, honesty, kindness and compassion. They are critical. So, "ignoring people" - I would say lacks those. Same with "telling people you don't want to talk to them" - or at least it risks it. As does "telling people to go away". Communicating boundaries is about respecting yourself - but *how* we do it matters. And not communicating because they might have an adverse response isn't the way to go about it. It shows a tendency to try and mage their response - their experience, and ultimately taking responsibility for their reactions - which you cannot control. But instead of washing our hands of it, or delivering in a way that lacks nuance - we can control how we say and what we do. All of this is about learning to play more in the nuance of things - so for what it's worth, how I would re-phrase those examples are: > Instead of "telling people you don't want to talk to them" I would say "I'm not able to talk with you right now. I hope you can respect that." That *might depend on whether it is a "right now" thing or a forever thing, but that's a start. > Instead of "ignoring people" perhaps try communicating a boundary, such as "I am choosing not to engage with this topic/conversation/issue/with you on this. I need space right now. I hope you can respect my boundaries." > Instead of "telling people to go away" perhaps try "I need space from you right now. I'm not able to have this conversation right now" - or words tot hat effect, depending on the situation. But you get to communicate boundaries and ask for space and ask that people respect that. Whether they do or not is on them - but you get to stand firm on upholding your boundaries - that's on you. What they do with it is on them - and you get to put that down. Or you'll forever stay stuck letting their potential reaction dictate how you are and what you do. I hope that helps - Mike

Yeah - kindness without the conditions - I call this a Good man - a clear and distinct difference. Being nice in service of that person, not the insecurity inside. However, Nice Guys are still men - I don't think that helps. I get your point - but Nice Guys are driven by their insecurity - so, in my experience, anything that drives the knife into that more, only adds to it. We need more answers, solutions, and invitations to act differently (and, ultimately address the insecurity).

Hey Mike. I'll start by saying that the line is not a constant thing. it will depend on person and situation. Also generally deeper than I can do justice in a comment response here - That said, with something like this, it comes down to the driver. "perfectionism, hyper productivity, and chasing approval" are usually more driven by fear, they are an adaptation and attempt to meet a previously unmet need. Externally driven and orientated. They can never be satiated. Whereas "wanting to get things right, being productive, enjoying praise" are more internally driven and orientated - from a place of self-respect and a personal standard - not about the praise and approval from the external world. For example - NEEDING approval is very different to doing the work anyway and being boosted by feedback and praise - it's a nice to have

Thanks dude. Hope it helps

Thanks dude, happy it lands for you

Self respect is the foundation. Always 👌🏼

What exactly?

Hey Mike - I see you really watch and be curious about these clips. Well done. And I tend to repeat a lot of the same points to you - which ultimately come down to this: if you haven't got support and guidance in how to do this, I strongly suggest you seek some out. Therapy, coaching, something.

Hey Mike. Well, there can be a lot to it. Some of it is working through the last breakup and seeing what is fact and what you have turned into faction - an interpretation of events. Some of it is working to put down those stories and beliefs you've created from it and some of it is dealing with where those stories of worthiness and abandonment stem from. It's work. We need support to work through these things, to understand ourselves and these things better and to take appropriate actions to move past them

Is it a BAD thing? No, not necessarily. Is it going to work for you? I think this is a better question. I suggest that making "getting a relationship" the reason for growth leads you to a place where your reasons are attached wholly to something out of your control. Plus if it means if you DO get a relationship, the growth stops. I suggest working on shifting the growth to be driven to become the man you want to be, to be the man you can be and want to be in a relationship. You're then committed to the process but not attached to the outcome. AND, I suspect, you'll be in a much more appealing place as well - but less dependent on someone choosing you - because you're committed to showing up as the man you want to be. That way the people who align with you can actually align

​@MikeCampbellmc and who are these people who can lovingly challenge me and call me to my best self?

@@mikedenver5341that's a big "it depends" Mike. If you don't have them now - first check again. There might be people ready, willing/able to do that. Second, find them. Find groups, places, people who are doing what you want to do and going where you want to go. Invest in programs, mentorships, coaching.

Ok, well you might find this useful: the fact that he's sending you the meme likely makes it relevant because it tells you he is sharing something he values. You might not like the CONTENT but the CONTEXT of him sending it speaks to how he feels about you

It's not a squat (knee dominant) movement, it's ships swing (hip dominant movement)

Both.

There's no real one rule to this - whatever seems to be the best position for *your* feet and hips

why do you ask?

Idk

Can be a tough realisation to make - but an extremely important one - the step to empowering yourself to doing something about it. So, let's do just that!

@@MikeCampbellmc looking forward to our phone call tomorrow

Thanks for sharing. Happy you found it useful

Sorry to hear that. It sounds frustrating. What's your next move then?

@Mike Campbell Ultimately, I am responsible for what happens to myself. I am not a victim, and I can't give someone that control.

What? Did you listen to this? What specifically are you trying to say here, can you elaborate for me?

Explore the caption. Th video is meant to prompt further reading and reflection. If you're interested

Ok, well done on owning that. And what happens if/when you get one, do you stop? Because what this thinking implies is that you aren't enough to get a partner as you are - it means you're doing it to become wanted - as opposed, say, to doing it to accept yourself and become the man you want to be. From there, you're more secure to actually find a partner and crates a more secure foundation for a relationship. The former tends to lead to a co-dependent dynamic

Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. Was a great chat with Matt.

get at it!

Thanks dude. It’s from a larger clip that expands on this but the point still stands. Take it or leave jt

Always the deep curiosity

Oh yeah, it’s comfortable to tell little lies and bend the truth. Facing honesty truth asks us to own our shit and take uncomfortable actions

@@MikeCampbellmc exactly right man, I respect the message you're trying to spread

That’s a big answer that depends on the person and context a lot - but the short version is two parts: counter the stories with new ones AND get to the root of the stories to undo them and reframe them

That sucks. Well, it certainly has some (tough) lessons for you. make sure you learn them!

@@MikeCampbellmc Yes. I've stopped dating as a result. What a waste of time. I'm happier single anyway.

@@inneruniverse17 that's sad to hear. However, if you're happier then only you know what is best for you.

You gotta correct your form then, or your legs arent strong enough

@@glory8663 The squat seems better now...i guess my form wasn't quite right. The deadlift i do feel in the hamstrings a bit, but still seems more like a lower back workout. The one i gave up on altogether due to knee pain, are weighted front lunges. I only have dumbbells to workout with, so im trying to do the best I can, but for legs, i really need to hit the gym and the machines!

Push your hips back

In what way, dude? And how does this comment do anything apart from attempt to show you as someone who apparently knows all

@@MikeCampbellmc your technique is not safety and not correct this is my opinion

@@crossfitaim9001 and because people may read this comment of yours and potentially think "oh shit, *is this* bad technique?" Can you explain why you think it is?

You're welcome, dude. Happy you enjoyed it

Certainly something to explore for the individual guy. Maybe not insufficient so much as looking at the nature of them and all of their role models and the shit they went through that created their major core beliefs about themselves

Hey dude - take a look now :-)

Thank you :-)