That Top of the Tips section is genius! 😂🙏🏻❤ Thank you!

Love your videos and agree with most info but disagree with the use of “manipulation” as a term to describe our ability to navigate social skills in order to navigate the often unsupportive environment that we find ourselves in. “Manipulation” is a rather judgemental term that implies the intent to harm or abuse the needs and interests of other people in order to meet one’s desires. In our case, it’s no different than a hostage attempting to use their social skills to ‘befriend’ and convince their captor to release them or improve their chances of survival. When it’s used in the context of PDA, it’s a survival strategy because in those moments while we may cognitively know that our lives are not in danger, our nervous systems reacts differently due to our extreme levels of anxiety (and the elevated heart rate, cortisol etc send signals of danger in the same way that being confronted with an armed intruder would). Contrary to popular belief, not all Autistic people (with or without PDA) are socially shallow or lacking in empathy - I certainly have both qualities in spades. Perhaps as children we are slower at picking up or understanding some social cues and concepts, but many of us have incredibly high IQ and can even develop a high EQ surpassing our neurotypical peers. I do wonder whether in some cases our delay in development in some of these areas are due to our incredibly sensitive and exhausting nervous systems that aren’t able to cope with the energy demands of existing in a world that is not built for us. That energy depletion also depletes the fuel for maintaining resilience to cope with change and demands, for learning and retaining skills and information, and for masking our externalised behaviours to avoid the stigma and ‘punishment’ from acting authentically. I most certainly don’t suspect that in yours due to the high quality videos you’ve produced on this topic demonstrating your great understanding of the needs and challenges of PDA folks, but the opposite is true for my family. At the very least, it’s not productive to focus on shaming or pathologising the experiences and often involuntary behaviours of the group of people we are trying to understand and support. I hope that makes sense. ☺️

How is this a 13 year old video with spot on advice/ideas yet today not only is it unknown in schools but even to most psychologists, other health professionals and not even recognised by most governments and education regulation bodies. 🤦🏻‍♀️

This is the story of my life!!

This was helpful. Thank you.

I wonder how this father's son has got on since its 10 years since the videos were made? My grandson who is 6 is exactly fitting in with this diagnosis. Thankyou for a great description and hope you are healthy, successful and happy with the role you have had to show to us parents and grandparents. 😊

The child is now 22 years old - I wonder how he is doing.

Excellent, thank you.

Doing the bare minimum at school? Yeh, that was me. I only heard of PDA in the last few months; explains a lot.

New to these videos this week (after a psych suggested I look into PDA after meeting my 8 year old daughter for the first time). Have watched all of them. Appreciate the increase in production value with each video (genuinely!). Like others replying in this thread, absolute lightbulb moment that explains exactly why my daughter is the way she is. I appreciate the time and research that would have gone into making these videos. Ta.

Thank you so much for sharing!!!

fantastic presentation. 👏 very helpful

So so helpful information.. Thank you from the usa 🇺🇸

It feels like you’re describing my son. Thank you SO much for this. Now that I know what it is, and more importantly that it’s anxiety driven, I will be able to look into more tools for our entire family, and how to better get through the daily routines. Again, so grateful for your perspective and appreciate you sharing.

they dont assess parents or environment when they make diagnosis which makes diagnoses more and more ropey as they aren't scientific and dsont use quantitative tests or biomarkers

Brilliant! The music is perfection.

Thank you for these videos! I do have some demand avoidance traits but either at a sub-pathological level or as part of a cluster I yet have to get accurately diagnosed as either autism or ADHD or CPTSD or some combination thereof, and your videos have helped me rule out PDA!

I’m just now discovering PDA. It is not widely talked about in the U.S. and I don’t think any of the people I consulted about my son even knew about it. With my son, tried and true parenting strategies seemed to make things worse, just as you said. “Oppositional Defiant” didn’t really seem to fit, he just seemed to need everything to be his idea. Out of necessity I have given him a great deal of autonomy - including his schooling and medical care. It is a difficult position for a parent to be in. It can be very isolating when your parenting style doesn’t match everyone else’s. I sure hope more American health care professionals are looking in to PDA so that parents can get some more support.

You have answered concerns I have had regarding my Granson and now having a small understanding of PDA. Thanks

This explains my son and myself. Thank you for the video.

Can't begin to tell you how much this video helped me to change the relationship with my son. Nearly seven years now we have been using these strategies, and what a difference! Thank you so much :)

Excellent 👍

Thanks for yer input brother Peace n love to all ❤️🙏

What causes it

My son got diagnosed with pda and this vid is good for explaining it so that I can understand it more

AMAIZING explanaison, thank so much!!

This has helped me undersand my son so much thank you

This was great. Thank you very much

I am watching this video for the first time. Those of us in the US tend to be behind the UK, when it comes to medicine/psychiatry. My son is 10, and on the spectrum. I think he also has PDA. Your videos are very informative, and you’re well spoken. Thank you!

Thank you. I am not alone 💙

This guy knows.

Very informative. Thank you for spending the time to post this. My girlfriends 12yr old son shows traits of this in his behaviour. I have none, so it’s very helpful to me as I’m new to the autism / aspergers / PDA child

Very compassionate video. Thank you.

These 2 videos describe our experience perfectly! Paradox indeed!

How do you cope and explain when you have other children I have 3 my youngest has autism spectrum disorder and pda I struggle with explaining his behaviour to my other two kids

how can we teach skills to PDA children

I'm speechless. And SO relieved.

Have you set up a hidden camera in my house? :D

I am almost crying watching this. You are describing my son!

My son is currently being tested for autism, but he fits ALL the characteristics for PDA - will the autism people pick up on this?

Getting up to loud noises for my son with autism

What music is playing in the background please?

It was helpful how you mentioned it is a PERCEPTION of what is a high/unattainable demand.

My daughter is over 18 , still at home, can't clean her room, do laundry or cook for herself, and when it's demanded she gets so overwhelmed by it and askes question after question about how to do the thing that she should know how to already do.(manipulative) She has no insurance (we can't afford it) She has never held a job. She hardly ever drives and gets paranoid and unsure of herself when she does. I continue to take her to appointments. People say she's spoiled, people say I enable. I actually believe she cannot make it on her own. She is on medication for anxiety and depression. She has been diagnosed as a child with "oppositional defiant disorder" and now as an adult it is just "mood disorder", but I think the disorder in this video describes her exactly. Although she talked early, she did not crawl at all and only started "swimming" about a week before she stood and walked (at 14 mos- late). Thanks for this video. I'm not sure what to do next, but thanks for the info on this.

I agree whith the facts and contents of the video. But find the name Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome both offensive and demeaning as I am a autistic sectrum person with add and future practitioner. Fortunatly I was diagnosed in Sweden who strive to be politically correct. However this term PDA has a tone of blame on the individual suffrer and insights predudice of being lazy. Why not just do as DSM 5 manual us a wide term as asd and then define the problems the individual has to warrent a diagnoses of asd. Also there is a tendency of parents in general whanting their children to be hyper normal and fitt in. However personally I would prefer a child with creativity and critical thought. Not always but somtimes it is the parants making too high demands, especially so called midel class families. It is imortant to let the child develope in his own time. Also the avoidance is a stratagy to survive pyscologically in order regulate or get controle of a situation the individual finds confusing or very uncomfortable. For example over demanding parants who critersise the chiled in every situation causing low self asteam. Eventually this can lead to pysocological consiquenses whith hangups such as ocd where the individual tries to over correct his behavior and the is critersised for that so the individual in his attemp to conform to accepted social behaviour never succeeds as he is unable to see social nuances. Eventually the individual becomes withdrawn resulting in hospitalisation. In order to illustrate how an asd person feels see the Process by Kafka or Catch 22. Meny of us find the demands of society very paradoxical, be damed if you do be damed if you dont. It is at this point one just gives up trying. Unless the child is dangerously delinquent where he is a danger to him self and others let him develope in his own time. Also if it is important the asd child comply, ie where safty is involved, be clear and consise. Neer compicate things for a child with asd. Be clear and simple where explaining the consiquenses of his actions don inply just state what you my think as obvious.

hi guys i've recently created a FB group for PDA and would love for new faces to join up and share there views/life stories of PDA :) facebook.com/groups/118439188849284/

Thank you ... I've started working with a 5 year old diagnosed on the spectrum. He had a couple of meltdowns and we worked thru them, but now I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I absolutely appreciated this advice and I've already found what I've done well and where I will improve in each of the 3 phases, next time. I was able to see all phases and identify one trigger - we will have a better day each day.

that was hilarious and helpful all at once thanks!

Thank you again for another great video.

Great video and you could have been talking about our 14 year old's life. We live in France and seen 4 psychotherapist from the age of 8 and there has never been a diagnosis and in fact if anything the impression is that there must be family issues and that there are parenting issues. So finding out about PDA is a Revelation for us. 1 hour temper tantrums over very simple requests and power struggles where he would never back down seemed incredible. And the day after walking up as nothing ever happened the day before all seemed very strange. Our other son who is 16 operates like a normal teenager and responds to all the good parenting approaches as you would expect.