#1. Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome- an introduction to

[@gwendolinedavina9456]

Sir, your video had me in tears. I have been struggling for years with my fourth child who is 20yrs junior to my third child. I had told her school (she attended school for the first three years) that there were problems but all I got was "she is perfect with us, she is a bright chil". I took her out of school and have been attempting to home educate for the past three years. Recently another Home Ed mum suggested PDA and I almost cried when she gave a brief description of the syndrome... Your video is the beginning of my search for help... Thank you.

[@settleluna7692]

I understand your struggle Gwendoline. I was told my child was “quirky,bright & intelligent” & that I was overdoing the mum thing & to let her be! It wasn’t until she was 19 that she finally got a ASD diagnosis & I truly believe she has PDA. My heart goes out to you!

[@gwendolinedavina9456]

@@settleluna7692 Three years ago she was removed from our home by social services and handed over to her father whom I left because of his violent temper... he has had his hands around my throat three times but when asked about it by social services,he told them that he simply “pushed me“, and they believed him. By that time I had been advised to seek a diagnosis for myself and actually was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum... This was then used against me.

[@Jokaanan]

Please consider putting your child back in school. I grew up with PDA and an abusive mother (the two were not unrelated in my case). My school and my dad's house were the only places I felt safe. My wonderful elementary school essentially raised me and is responsible for many of the positive skills and attributes I have today that allow me to actually function in adult society. I stand by this request even if your daughter was begging not to go to school. The heartbreaking thing about parent-child abuse is that as helpless children, we are no less attached to our abuser than we would be otherwise, and in fact the distress of abuse will intensify our attachment to our abuser. There is an overwhelming instinct in children to seek their mother's safety; they will repress any feelings they are having that could cause their mother to reject them. They do not understand the dynamics that are going on so they misattribute the source of their fear/anger and internalize it onto themselves, which undermines their self-confidence in settings such as elementary school, even when they are actually doing very well. Please listen to your school and give your daughter the space she needs and opportunities she deserves, thank you

[@elfaro1607]

I'm 26 now and almost 27, I've had this my whole life but was not diagnosed. The condition was suggested to me around 18-19yrs of age but true to form I avoided the whole thing and didn't go through with the diagnosis. Now I have accepted myself and work hard to do the small things, whenever I am down or sick it's harder than any other time. I really wish there was support for adults.

[@Jokaanan]

If we get this into the next DSM we'll get support! I think so many people with common disorders like ADHD, depression, and bipolar II are described much better by this model! Psychology needs to stop focusing on the ways we're weird (which isn't technically a problem) and re-focus on what's preventing us from doing basic tasks that we want to do

[@user-in2rh2zm1j]

Very well presented. Explained well even though I had to watch it 3 times. Thanks from a 57 yr old left handed Dyslexic Dyspraxic Aspergian, with A.D.D.

[@livelearnandteach7402]

This explains my son and myself. Thank you for the video.

[@danielaconejera6364]

Me too 🤣

[@kirstieseaborne2681]

Thank you for sharing information on this astonishingly complex disorder which is so difficult for both the children and their families to live with, especially in the face of those who don't understand

[@rachellewhite4054]

I am watching this video for the first time. Those of us in the US tend to be behind the UK, when it comes to medicine/psychiatry. My son is 10, and on the spectrum. I think he also has PDA. Your videos are very informative, and you’re well spoken. Thank you!

[@buttercup289]

Thank you so much for this vidio . Iv been saying for years my son is not ASD . Iv met Elizabeth my self in Maidstone Kent on a talk two years ago. I know there and then on her talk this is my child ( after 5 years of believing my son was ADS on paper , ) he is PDA. But his school and doctor will not exspect it yet as condition . I love to see this as diagnoses . You sound just like me when I talk about my child. Your talk is so clean and clear with no ' long jargon words' no one understands

[@bluemillicent]

I could not agree more! PDA is a life long condition and adulthood promises no escape from challenges. I too would welcome research and support for both adults and for those going through the difficult time of transition from child to grown up. Each stage has it's own needs, but more work has to be done for the mature and maturing.

[@soulcherry]

incredibly articulate explanation. My son has AS with emerging PDA (only some of the features) but have friends with children who have this. Very interesting

[@elfaro1607]

Thank you so much!! I've just requested to join the group, and shared it with my friend. You've been a great help even with how limited it is for adults so thanks a lot sir!

[@damianminchin]

Very informative. Thank you for spending the time to post this. My girlfriends 12yr old son shows traits of this in his behaviour. I have none, so it’s very helpful to me as I’m new to the autism / aspergers / PDA child

[@Lynseyhogan1]

Great to see more about it, One of the many strategies I use is to say: - "Can you try and think of another word, other than no?", usually this breaks the ice, because the child jokes and says "negative...or the opposite of yes". It is simple but effective, as it stops the trigger of a meltdown. I also sing and put on different voices etc, to have a similar effect as well as a million other things haha, as we know...what works once, might not work again. Thanks

[@ABC-jq7ve]

The child is now 22 years old - I wonder how he is doing.

[@bluemillicent]

@BossJewNose Thank you for taking the trouble to post your comment. I have to stress that I am not a professional, just a parent trying to make a difference. My direct experience is with my son and most of the strategies I am familiar with are those used by parents teachers etc to help the child. PDA doesn't end with adolescence or adulthood. As my son matures I hope to be able to identify strategies that can be adapted as self help tools for the adult videos 6,7 and 8 may be of some help

[@WATCHINGTHEWATCHERS999]

Excellent 👍

[@rainbowsparkle3776]

my 10 yo daughter was diagnosed adhd and odd at age 5. they didn't know what it was so odd is stuck. every therapist since say it's not odd because it's intentional defiance. she's EXTREMELY manipulative. my other 3 children aren't resistant like her. she is dyslexic. still writing letters and numbers backwards but improved. my brother has aspergers but she seems like she has it but she doesn't at the same time. she's very friendly and over the top for attention but can't make friends because she's so very socially awkward. she's almost 11 and OBSESSED with her baby dolls. I mean unhealthy obsessed. she's uses them to avoid her bus in the morning, to avoid cleaning her room, to avoid foods she doesn't like. ie.)" Charlie said he doesn't like this kinda chicken either."- avoiding dinner. " uh. Guess I have to go back inside and change Charlie 's clothes. you can't let babies be outside when it's cold."-avoiding bus. now if I don't kiss her ass and let her avoid things, she often throws a huge dramatic tantrum. I swear my neighbors must think I'm hurting her!!! if she can't have her way. she says i dont care about her or love her, why am I "rushing" her she will dramatically shake her body as if she's frightened when things aren't going her way. she's punched and cracked a mirror and my tablet bc 1, her hair was tangled and hard to brush, and 2 .) she was mad at a game on your tablet. she throws things at her siblings and blames them for everything she does. she hits them too. she claims everything is hers if she likes it and her sister just let's her get away with it (she's 8 and way more mature) it's like walking on eggshells trying to make her feel extra special just so she doesn't have a mood swing. on Vyvanse 50 in am, abilify 5mg am, Adderall 10mg after school and guanfacine 2mg at dinner. at times she's happy others she's crazy. it's worse now bc of puberty I think but it's been all of her life. didn't talk a word until age 2, normal iq but for behaviour and learning difficulty has an IEP and in special class. (class for autistic and adhd students only) she is one of 2 girls in class. her first and only ever friend who also has outbursts. (didn't learn it from her, this is 1st year in this new class) .... I'm drained. I did a checklist and it appears this could be what she REALLY has. I want her to get the right treatment. I hate the med cocktail. it barely does anything for her but if she doesn't take it shes worse. I think that's a withdrawal thing though. I can't let her miss a day. not even in summer or its 10 xs worse. idk where I can get this diagnoses. honestly, Florida doesn't seem to have the specialist I seek unless I want to drive 2 hours.

[@TheHappyApe]

An excellent video that explains it well

[@weshardin6609]

Excellent, thank you.

[@bluemillicent]

@fetalbetal No, I don't think doctors have 'solutions' for PDA or for most areas of mental/emotional health. What good care can provide is a way to help manage a condition. I do not believe that medication is an absolute answer, but can be helpful for some. Finally I am certain that there are many people undiagnosed or given ill fitting labels. These individuals can be the victims of inappropriate 'support' or receive no help at all. Sadly, no support can be better the wrong help.

[@joycebrewer4150]

I agree with your last statement. I was very late diagnosed as Asperger's ( during the window of time that was accepted.) Hence, I got zero support during my growing years. After my diagnosis, I was forced by poor financial planning to move in with a relative's family. The person there undertook to erase all my autism behaviors so I could fit in better. I tried to comply, I found the goals ever shifting. I tried to tolerate, but there was NEVER a let up. After 4 years, I demanded living quarters of my own. Finally, I could breathe again!

[@MsKnaub2011]

So so helpful information.. Thank you from the usa 🇺🇸

[@LemonMoon-u7q]

This was helpful. Thank you.

[@Soulrelocation]

Thanks very helpful.

[@RachelGerrard]

My son is currently being tested for autism, but he fits ALL the characteristics for PDA - will the autism people pick up on this?

[@elainemackenzie9651]

I'm a year late to your comment but you have probably figured for yourself it is a postcode lottery whether your area agree with PDA even existing. I have a son who fits the diagnosis 100%, he has been expelled from 3 schools, 2 of which are special needs schools all at the grand old age of 9 years old. He is not in education atm, I feel the schools have tried so hard to deal with him through the lens of how they put strategies in place for an autistic person however these strategies are often the complete opposite way to work effectively with a child who has PDA. I hope your wee boy is thriving and you're getting the support and all his educational needs met x

[@ChrisBcards]

So if your PDA does that mean your autistic as well or can you just be PDA and AdHD

[@ICantEvenImagine]

From what I've read if you have pda you have autism but if you have autism you may or may not have pda.

[@bluemillicent]

I also wish that there was more support for adults and it is something that I would like to be able to make a contribution to in the future. There is a Facebook group that might be of some help to you:- "Adult PDA Support Network"

[@highstandards6226]

Being an adult with recent neurological damage...I've noticed an awful lot of differences in myself..and many are NOT merely "because of" that brain damage, more that cause of my increased self monitoring, I'm noticing things I've either never noticed before, or simply accepted as normal for myself...now I'm believing I've actually been this way all my life, and now have a name for what I actually HAVE! THANK YOU! YES, I WAS A SPOILED BRAT, had a very different childhood and early adulthood, truthfully was blessed. In many areas. I've recently, relatively, been diagnosed with brain cancer. Surprised many, myself least of all, by overcoming most of the speed bumps expected, by NOT succumbing to most of the expectations of problems that previous patients have had, and most medical professionals have simply been stunned as to why. Well until lately, "can't" is a word I simply have never allowed, for whatever reason, in my vocabulary, learning of this disorder explains SO much about that! Mind over matter indeed! Literally in many times of my life! Actually I believe I'll give thanks to God tonight for giving me this affliction tonight. It just may be what gives me the sheer stubborn oomph to help my doctors find the cure for the cancer that has been so close, but up until me, has still eluded them. Up until me, the longest a patient has survived with *my*type of cancer was 7 years. I'm now at *18*! My oncologist is NOT happy with me wanting to take advantage of newly passed medical assistance in dying laws for my country. He really hoped I'd be that mystical unicorn every specialist hopes to stumble across in their career!

[@highstandards6226]

Do you happen to have a direct link by chance? Please?

[@swedishdissident3406]

I agree whith the facts and contents of the video. But find the name Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome both offensive and demeaning as I am a autistic sectrum person with add and future practitioner. Fortunatly I was diagnosed in Sweden who strive to be politically correct. However this term PDA has a tone of blame on the individual suffrer and insights predudice of being lazy. Why not just do as DSM 5 manual us a wide term as asd and then define the problems the individual has to warrent a diagnoses of asd. Also there is a tendency of parents in general whanting their children to be hyper normal and fitt in. However personally I would prefer a child with creativity and critical thought. Not always but somtimes it is the parants making too high demands, especially so called midel class families. It is imortant to let the child develope in his own time. Also the avoidance is a stratagy to survive pyscologically in order regulate or get controle of a situation the individual finds confusing or very uncomfortable. For example over demanding parants who critersise the chiled in every situation causing low self asteam. Eventually this can lead to pysocological consiquenses whith hangups such as ocd where the individual tries to over correct his behavior and the is critersised for that so the individual in his attemp to conform to accepted social behaviour never succeeds as he is unable to see social nuances. Eventually the individual becomes withdrawn resulting in hospitalisation. In order to illustrate how an asd person feels see the Process by Kafka or Catch 22. Meny of us find the demands of society very paradoxical, be damed if you do be damed if you dont. It is at this point one just gives up trying. Unless the child is dangerously delinquent where he is a danger to him self and others let him develope in his own time. Also if it is important the asd child comply, ie where safty is involved, be clear and consise. Neer compicate things for a child with asd. Be clear and simple where explaining the consiquenses of his actions don inply just state what you my think as obvious.

[@ejroughley]

Names of other conditions are commonly difficult to understand and either do not describe the disorder or use such complex vocabulary that you need to have a degree just to figure out what it MIGHT mean. Pathological demand avoidance sounds like exactly what it is. This is wonderful in a world swimming with complicated diagnosis. I don't think it implies that there is blame at all. Political correctness in this situation risks convoluting the straightforwardness of the name.

[@joycebrewer4150]

@@ejroughley I have to disagree. To call it demand avoidance is to imply the choice between that and compliance. You don't seem to get that for some people, there is no choice.