Heya :) My hypermobility could definitely contribute to my lower back pain...but, on the other hand, so too could me sitting for hours hunched over my keyboard...so I think its a lifestyle thing too unfortunately....I need to get up and stretch and walk around more often! Thank you for pointing me in the direction of ehlers danlos syndrome. I can definitely see some correlations there.... I think so far I've been really fortunate that my hypermobility hasn't caused me any serious problems. Though, I have had some pretty severe ankle sprains (including a recent one where I twisted it badly enough to break my foot)....and I have to actively remember to keep a slight bend in my knees when walking etc. as I naturally overextend them and this causes pain and swelling that makes it difficult to walk. Other then that though (okay reading that back...it sounds kind of bad...lol...but compared to others who really struggle I think its nothing....and can largely be blamed on lifestyle choices rather than a disorder maybe?). Do you have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome or hypermobility or is it just an interest? If you do, does it cause you problems?

1) Thank you for your validating comment. I didn't want to offend those that have an official diagnosis, or trigger those that think coming out as 'Autistic' is just a current trend people are jumping on. I have for many, many years suspected I'm autistic :) but, I haven't gone down the formal diagnosis path. Partly because I worry they'll invalidate my experiences and also I worry that others will view me differently once I know (despite the fact that I literally don't have to tell anyone...and in all likelihood it will just take some pressure off me acting 'normal'). On one hand, I wonder if my masking is effective enough to 'pass' as neurotypical in terms of being 'tested'? Or on the other, if a person can take one look at me and spot my neuro-divergence anyway? If yes, then I'll be confronted with the fact that my masking may not have been fooling anyone...but part of me knows it doesn't work past initial formalities anyway...I think my biggest fear is them denying what I know to be true? At 40, I know myself pretty well...and my experiences since childhood make so much more sense viewed through an Autism diagnosis. I believe I had/have Hyperlexia - I taught myself to read at 3 and was obsessed with books and letters from then until now :) What has always confused me is why, if letters and words are my obsession/talent, haven't I been able to actually turn this into anything useful!?! lol. Honestly, if instead of being obsessed with books, writing and some forms of art in school, I'd been more interested in the sciences maybe I'd have found a vocation where I could fit in to a certain extent? and, like you, been a whole lot happier in my vocation? :) :) 2) I'm sorry you feel like a failure. Life is funny like that, no matter what path you take, there's potential for regrets. It sounds like you took a similar path to the one I left behind when I chose to leave school and then had kids young... I really thought I would end up spending many years at university...and maybe end up in academia... instead I got to a place where I couldn't bear to go to school any more...sitting on the school bus surrounded by people, having to spend all day in classrooms with other people...and the dread I'd feel about navigating lunch break every day... In year 9, I'd only attend one or two days a week and skip the other days (still managed to keep my grades up)...then by year 10 they had cracked down on truancy and I couldn't pass without attending....so I struggled through that year. Then in year 11, the school decided to re-organise all of the class groups so I wasn't with any of the students from the previous three years. That was the final straw for me, socially even just dealing with the kids I already knew was hard...but putting me in with a bunch of new people? I dropped out :( My home life was toxic to say the least also...so it really was a recipe for disaster. I wish things had been different. I've always felt less than because, and I know this is a shitty way to think, but classmates that were not as bright as me graduated and went onto university...and I didn't...and I always felt I let myself down... There is definitely a lot of wisdom in "I think things like trying to prove your smart, or getting useless diplomas that leave you with nothing other than "imposter syndrome" is a waste of life energy. You should maximise your true authentic self, whatever that may be, because that is what you're best at"....but in a lot of ways I don't know who my true authentic self is :) and I guess I'm reverting to this fork in the road that I didn't travel down and seeing if I can find 'me' through giving that a go? It could be a complete waste of time...but on the other hand, I also do need to make a living...and honestly, I feel my skills are being wasted working as a barista and now as a temporary office assistant... There is still time for you to have children if you feel that would bring you fulfilment? But I know that is a big decision :) Thank you so much for sharing your perspectives! It has been hugely helpful...especially because we seem to have picked opposite paths.

​@@ChaoticallyMe Thank you for the heartfelt reply! For me masking is a survival technique, it's not about deceiving others, or about fitting in (men have that luxury, we don't need to fit in really) so it's just about not embarrassing myself or others by saying something careless. I have so many bad memories of stuff like that, stuff the "victims" would have totally forgotten years ago but I can't let go because I feel like I haven't learned the lesson there yet. Or maybe there's nothing to learn. At any rate, your writing has more "tells" than your video, autistics love using emojis and other stuff normies find superfluous or unprofessional because we hate ambiguity. That stuff conveys meaning. In fact I had to double check to make sure you weren't just copying my writing style ;-) heheh, you weren't! But can we turn a passion for reading and writing into something amazing? I don't know. There are savants who can see something and in an instant draw it photo-realistically, or stone masons who can carve out the most elaborate sculpture from a block of marble, but that doesn't make them artists. They have the tools, sure, but artists also have the creativity and desire to create something that comes from within, to tell a story, usually with a desire beyond simply being successful. When an artist thinks they've "made it" that's usually when they start to suck. I think you can only know if you succeeded or failed at being authentic. Society's measure of success is so arbitrary, like half the time they don't respect the creator until they've passed away :P It's extra tough for an INFP like yourself but rather than shoot for being successful, shoot for *self-validation*. Hard to do when success/masking is entirely dependant on other people's opinions of you and you've been doing that your whole life. I know what you mean about not really knowing who you are, because in a way that wasn't ever that important. I suppose we are multitudes, and that makes it difficult to be sure.. ambiguity! But I agree with you, you aren't going to figure it out if you don't have a steady solid income so that has to take priority, even if it feels unfulfilling. And i mean retraining isn't a bad idea at all, kinda kills two birds with one stone if you pick a job you like. I'm only critical of law because, err.. you know how people who love cars rarely become a mechanic? Because they end up hating it as its no longer fun, just labour, and they have to use their love to make money? I can imagine someone like yourself is attracted to law because its undeniably a good thing: more law, more justice, more good. No ambiguity there. I just hate to think what happens when you're put into a situation that compromises your morals, for the company's profits, and that could grind away at you. Whereas with the office job, it's clear you are there to make an income, and you wont compromise your self image. However you are already compromising your self-image because we know you could do more. I dont know. My worries are probably unfounded, i don't know you or law that well :-) Anyway I take back saying you should get a test, you don't need one, waste of time and money - I didn't seek it out either, I was tested and diagnosed at like 10yo by my parents, so i'd be a hypocrite telling you to do something I didn't. I suppose I just wanted you to have more self-confidence. I dont even know why.

Very wise words about the best teachers being bad at their jobs at first...I hadn't considered things from that perspective...thank you :) 💜

Hey :) I'm Australian. I'm from Brisbane, Australia but now live in North Queensland. My accent has a few quirks (I think) because I lived in the UK for the better part of a decade - from my mid-20s to my mid-30s.

Hey :) I love your perspective on counselling as a new 'thing' that is potentially a meager replacement for something that has existed throughout human history...something that has been displaced by modernity... I hadn't considered it from this angle at all...but I think you've nailed it! I love, 'we need counsel, not counselling'...

@ Thank you! All the best with your studies, I qualified as a lawyer quite early and spent most of my life struggling to get away from it. I learned that what you do for work and what you do for love might be two very different things. It is a broad field though so I hope you find your place in it!

Thank you :)

Thank you for sharing your perspectives on this. Yes, blaming parents seems to be a common 'out' for a lot of people. To clarify, my kids, as far as I know, don't blame me...but I really think they should! I can see the struggles ahead of them and the struggles they currently have to deal with and can see how I could have better prepared them, or at least not added to the harshness of real life... Life is hard hey!

1. She never elaborates on what she believes she did wrong. 2. She admits she has always been a perfectionist. My first thought is that she also did absolutely fine and is just having issues realizing and giving herself credit? What do I know though, maybe she constantly cheated on her husband and beat her kids?

Thanks David :) Can confirm I did not beat my kids, nor did I cheat on my husband :) but you are right that you don't have all of the context or information to make an informed judgement either way :) Thanks for chiming in :)

Thank you...you could be right...but it doesn't feel that way right now :)

I really appreciate your optimism Paul :) Hopefully a little of it rubs off on me.

@@ChaoticallyMe Congrats again Jen! Enjoy your success! Those who you might have to dissapoint will be just fine. I am excited for you!

Thanks Susan, I'm glad you found it interesting. I agree, there are definitely pros and cons :) This way of living works for us, but I completely understand (maybe better than most) why for many people giving up comforts to live a little closer to nature isn't something they're keen to do :)

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences Alex :) You are right...there are still opportunities to have a positive impact on my kids' lives :) thanks for the reminder!

Thanks for sharing your experiences shifting from IT to a basic office job. It sounds like an office job wasn't the right fit for you either. Do you still think it was the right decision for you at the time? Would you have done anything different if you had the time over? I can completely relate to "I found out I don't really fit into the world of work too well"...to be honest, I don't feel like I fit into the world at large too well...let alone the world of work ;)

@@ChaoticallyMe I have lots of thoughts about what I should have done differently. Too complicated to go into. I think my main trouble is that the world of IT was different to playing with computers. I just didn't have a grasp of work to be honest. I grew up around small businesses too that are lot different from big companies. I should have studied history at college not IT. And I should have just found a job after college and learned to cope at that level.

BTW I am English so college means the senior two years of US high school.

That makes a lot of sense. I know the adage, 'do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life' works out well for some people....but, I think for a lot of people, turning a hobby or passion into a job actually just robs them of an enjoyable pass-time and steals all the joy from it...

@@ChaoticallyMe I am too detached to work in IT. I will always have some problem in the world of work.

:) best of luck to you too :)

Thank you for your insightful comment :) I guess the question I'm currently asking myself is...can I do some good?...and if I continue down this path, do I have a chance of getting to the end of my life and the good outweighing the bad? Life, hey? It's rough!

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment. It's given me some stuff to think about :)

haha this

Hey :) So, leave this with me as I'd like to give you and @joshuamaher614 a considered response on this one.

@NotSure416 and @joshuamaher614 - So I filmed an explanation and then deleted it because I don't feel comfortable sharing something that involves my husband and my kids without checking that they're okay with it. Instead, here is the gist of it nested here in the comments. Hopefully you both see it. Basically, as a stay at home Mum I failed to show appreciation to my husband for all the hard work he was putting in supporting the family of 5. I never once showed gratitude in front of the kids or told them how great their Dad was. Instead, Dad being on his way home from work was cause for me to go into a panic telling everyone to tidy up, "quick quick Dad will be home any minute"...I made it a negative thing. Additionally, I was terrible at dishing out discipline and I left that all to my husband. This meant that in the hours between school finishing and Dad getting home there was a lot of, "you'll be in so much trouble when Dad gets home"....and then the second my husband walked through the door I'd give him a run down on all the naughty things the boys had done in his absence. Even worse than this....despite relying on my hubby for most of the discipline...if I didn't like how he dished out the discipline I would undermine him in front of the kids. Basically, I didn't set the kids up to appreciate their Dad and for them to respect him. This has had a knock on effect where he has strained relationships with our now adult sons. He isn't in contact with our eldest (23) because our eldest disrespected him during a family gathering and this was one time too many for hubby....and he is still waiting for a heartfelt apology from our son that demonstrates that it won't happen in the future. It all came from a deep seeded resentment towards my husband because I didn't feel supported, especially when the kids were very young (he didn't care for the kids as babies at all...no diaper changes or feeding bottles or helping with bathtime etc). I felt overwhelmed and he didn't live up to my expectations at the time. I failed to appreciate how much he did do for me and the family and as the kids got older he very much had an input in their upbringing (teaching them so many life skills that serve them well as adults that I just couldn't teach them). Additionally, my mother verbally and emotionally beat down my father and disrespected him constantly all throughout my childhood so this was the model I had for how a wife treats her husband. I was never as bad as her...but I also didn't have any idea how a wife should behave....and overall....I had a bad attitude. So I guess....my feeling is that I wasn't cut out as a homemaker and perhaps if I had helped out financially instead...and my kids had had less exposure to me being disrespectful or having a bad attitude towards their father? then maybe things would have turned out better? I'm not sure. It was just how I was feeling about the situation when I made the video....and I still don't have a solution to he predicament the family is in... Thanks for your interest and I hope that clears up things for you :)

Thank you 😁

Thanks so much for your kind comment! It means a lot 💜 Is your son staying long in Australia? My youngest is hoping to move to France next year. I worry about him travelling to the other side of the world on his own...but I suppose, given that we did move internationally twice during his childhood, I only have myself to blame 😆

@@ChaoticallyMe he works as an accountant there. I think he will stay and I'm so excited for him. Our job as parents is to raise them to be great adults and then let them go. I worry about my son now less being in Australia then I did when he went out for a night with his friends in England. I think it is such a beautiful place on earth. The only thing that will get to me is when he has children as I will be so far away but we will make it work. Your son will be fine. Worry never saved anyone or killed anyone. We just have to live in hope in our hearts. They are walking on there own paths. You will be fine if/when that time comes. I will still be here so if you needed to speak on this later we can use this space to communicate about your fears and I could try to help you through it. I know its evening there as I write this so have a wonderful evening xxx

I apologise for the late reply. I missed your follow up comment and have only just spotted it :) Thank you. Very wise words :) Worry is a funny thing...it doesn't really 'do' much of anything!?! Ah yes, that will be a challenge being on the opposite side of the world to your grandbabies...but it is definitely workable :) We lived in the UK for 8 years when our kids were younger and each year my mother--in-law would fly one of our three boys back to Australia to spend their summer holidays with her. We all looked forward to it, the kid that got to have an adventure away from home, and the rest of us benefiting from a bit more time and energy for each other with one less family member :) Ah yes, they are walking their own paths...and that is a good thing....it means we raised independent thinkers who are confident enough to go out and do their own thing :)

I agree! It's a tough one. However, for me, the skills of a counsellor don't feel concrete enough for me to reliably know whether or not I've performed my duties...and purely as a starting point, for job satisfaction I feel like I need to know if I myself have done the right thing...maybe?! There are a lot of variables and moving parts...but at the end of the day, will I know for sure that I've done the right thing and fulfilled my obligations in law? Maybe not! Gah! I just know that I don't feel sure that as a counsellor I can achieve job satisfaction... But, on the other hand, being a lawyer may not be the best fit for me either. At least I'll be able to help my own family, if nothing else (eek!). Thanks so much for sharing your views and your girlfriend's personal experiences. It is really helpful and appreciated 💜

Thank you!

💜 💜 💜

Thank you for the encouragement! You're right, it'll definitely be worth it in the end :)

Excellent suggestion...likelihood of me putting it into practice though...but, that said, you are absolutely right :)

Naaw, thank you 💜💜💜

Sure do. Fortunately for you Brian, you are not obligated to speak to, listen to or watch me. So I guess we're both winners.

Naaw thank you, I'm not everyone's cup of tea (I even annoy myself with the rambling) but I think there are probably other's like me that struggle to think in straight lines and articulate thoughts clearly...and maybe a few of those people have stumbled across me making a mess of things and feel a little more comfortable with their own eccentricities. Hmm, good point on struggling with 30 things that you'd want to tell someone in the early stages of getting acquainted. Makes complete sense...and I tend to agree. I am fascinated from a sociological kinda perspective in what a curated collection of facts about a person looks like though....what do they include and why? What can we infer is left out of this list...and who is the intended audience...and how would the list differ if the audience were larger/smaller or made up of different people (at different stages of friendship or getting to know one another). Thanks for your comment :) it was really nice to hear from you.

Hey :) yes, online shopping is far too easy a habit to fall into for some of us. I'm glad to hear its not something you struggle with. I've definitely improved over the years and don't hugely struggle with it any more, but it was a real problem at one point. I hear you on the social aspect of shopping in person. It was something I took for granted up until they rolled out self-service check outs and now you really have to work at finding an actual person to interact with when shopping. A Sunday ride out to a country town and striking up conversations with others at a cafe sounds like an awesome way to spend a weekend :) I live a bit more rurally now, and our local community has a weekly market by the beach. I help out a neighbour who sets up a coffee van there. I am kind of in love with the passing interactions I get with people (locals mostly, but during winter (our high season) we get a good mix of people passing through). I also really enjoy the process of making coffees - handing someone a hot drink just the way they like it that I made from start to finish...makes my heart happy :)

Hey :) thanks so much for the feedback. I'm glad you found the video useful :) :)

Hey :) You broke that down and explained it perfectly! I feel understood, thank you! Yep, Si overusage can be a real problem...ugh! Thanks for commenting :) :) it was nice to hear from you :) :)

@@ChaoticallyMe No problems :) glad you found it useful. I believe we INFPs think that this kind of overthinking past events are the norm. But most people don't. And I think this is something we have to learn and be better at 😄

Hi Julie. Thank you for weighing in on this one...some true words of wisdom there. Thank you :)

Thank you so much for sharing these insights! One of our sons I believe is also an INTP...so understanding INTPs better is always really helpful and useful for improving my relationships. INTPs testing the waters to see if its worth putting in any extra energy with a person/group of people makes so much sense! Gah, yes...I should always let an INTP finish what they're saying...especially since I too find it annoying (and hurtful) when I'm interrupted...so definitely not a fair thing to do. Thanks again for your comment, sorry it has taken me so long to reply.

@@ChaoticallyMe No worries :) I'm so happy you texted me back I think that INTPs are soooooooooo interested in logical statements, that we may seem like we are not interested in emotions but we actually are at some degree. A trick could be to make an emotional statement, a logical one. Something along the line, "I understand your point [dear INTP], and don't you think that [emotions matter] ? What do you think about that ?" So I wouldn't say you should not interrupt an INTP. I think it would be fine not to and you would be playing within our comfort zone, but it's a passive behavior that is not fair to you. Truth is that emotions matter (I think you would agree lol), even in the kind of conversation you were sharing in your video. Emotions, if wrapped in a logical statements, becomes so valid ! Not only that : you're now interacting with the INTP logical framework, and this makes you, like, waw, we love you so much at that point, probably 10 times more than if you just didn't say anything (which is still much better than interrupting us and loving you 10 times less lol, just kidding) One of the main reason we INTP love INFPs is that you guys are great listeners, so it becomes so enjoyable to be able to explain something to someone. If you start participating in a non confrontational way ? Oh god, this conversation becomes awesome

I'll have to give that a try next time an opportunity arises and see how it goes :) hmm...that makes sense...yes I'm a very good listener...but don't tend to participate as much as I probably should. I tend to keep my thought processes internalised for the most part...which my INTP has pointed out is a little selfish because he doesn't get the benefit of what I've figured out...or am in the process of figuring out...yet I get the full benefit of what he's logic'ed out or is in the process of figuring out. I get a bit shy about sharing my own logic though...in case it sounded fine in my head and daft when verbalised. But on the other hand, it's better to be corrected than misinformed...hmm.....damn...think I should start talking more ;)

That makes complete sense. Seems like an efficient way of determining if someone is open-minded or happy to discuss things outside of their comfort zone (or society's prescribed opinions/positions on issues and/or the world). For me, it really depends on the sensor :) I get along just fine with several ISFPs (to be fair one of them is my 19 year old son - so we know each other pretty well :)). I had an ESTP friend for a while, I enjoyed hearing their stories about adventurous things they had done in their youth (breaking in new horses on a family cattle farm - I loved their visceral descriptions of how this was done - biting the ear of the horse to bring a particularly ruly one into line; him running off with a 40 year old woman when he was just 16 and supporting her and her kid for a period of time - the fall out that happened within their local community and within his family (who disowned him at the time and when I knew him these relationships had only recently begun to be rebuilt)). However, the ESTP and I needed others around in order to keep an engaged conversation going, we would hit a dead end of conversation very quickly without other people in the group. Also, to be fair, once I'd collected all his interesting life stories and escapades, there wasn't much to talk about...So I definitely see what you mean. ISFPs I can work along side (I've worked as a barista making coffees alongside an ISFP) and we get along fine. I find with ISFPs it's best if we have a plan to 'do' something rather than just plan to have deep and meaningful conversation. I wonder if you'd have a similar experience with an ISTP? The ISFPs tend to make the suggestions for what to do next and/or they'll have something planned to keep themselves engaged (board games, concerts etc.) and I'm pretty easy going and go with the flow. ISFPs also don't expect too much from me. ESFPs whilst fun to be around, I can find super draining - where the heck do they get all that energy from? Intuitives are definitely easier to have a satisfying conversation with though, so I completely understand where you're coming from not feeling super compatible with sensors :) Sorry it's taken me two months to respond!

Thanks Luna :) It's so nice being this close to nature! I still spend way too much time in front of my laptop...but the lifestyle forces me away from it much more than living in a normal house on a normal sized block did :) I'll definitely try and share bits and pieces as we go along :) :)

💜 💜 💜 🐸 🌷 🌴🏕️🌱🐸💜 💜 💜

naaw thanks Friar Pesel :) How have the last few years treated you? Hope you're doing well?

@@ChaoticallyMe I learned things about myself that were long overdue… hard things I’d managed to hide from myself over the years. Quite difficult but ultimately healthy. Thank you for asking - how about you? What’s been rolling around your heart and your head?

Oh, that sounds exhausting but ultimately rewarding? I've been very much going through a similar process. My kids have all left home now....and my marriage has taken a turn into something very different (houses to be built, not house!).....I guess over the past year I've had to confront failings and poor decisions I've made over my adult life that I'm not proud of.....the realisation that I wasn't the good person I thought I was in a lot of areas of my life? That I didn't fulfil my roles as wife and mother as I should have. Honestly, I don't think I was cut out for it. I'm a lone creature...if only I'd been more self aware when I was young... Lots of feelings of failure...and shame to work through. It's been a joy to do these deep dives and explorations surrounded by so much nature though. It makes me so happy being up the side of our mountain...away from prying eyes and ears....and the clean air and trees all around are just good for my soul. I never realised how happy I could be with so much less convenience. Sure I get annoyed at times when the water jugs I haul water up in are almost empty and I can't wash the frypan to cook myself something to eat....but it's good for me to have to work a bit harder to do daily tasks. Muddy feet though...geez! After a while not being able to get your feet clean chips away at your mental health, lol! But all in all...I wouldn't go back to my old life of indoor kitchen, bathroom, running water....and not being awoken to a bush turkey jumping on your kitchen counter, knocking all your stuff on the ground and taking a few pecks of your home grown squash before meandering back off into the bush...for anything :) :)

@@ChaoticallyMe I respect and relate to the inner discoveries you’ve made. I’m really an INxP that just barely favors T, and we have such rich inner worlds… I thought I had explored the whole of it but I revealed so much more. There is something uniquely useful about retreating from the modern life, as it allows time for clearer reflection. Better still to do this while observing nature. I too have done much reflection on my past and shattered the illusion that I was a good person, seen through the self justifications and the distortions I created to prop up my ego. I know these things were my childhood survival mechanisms that I weaponized over time… it took an awful lot to allow myself to see these deeply uncomfortable truths. This allows me to extend a bit more grace to others, though that’s also a skill I could still improve. I have learned to be a better listener… although with you, I could easily listen to you for the rest of my life. I’m sorry that your marriage has changed, I really am, and I hope that the silver lining is that it’s come closer to the truth of who you both are. I respectfully submit that I think you’re a jewel, I love you to bits, and I’m so happy that I got to see you again that I realized I hadn’t felt that level of joy in the longest time. You are a wonder 🤗 thank you 🙏