“My brain?! That’s my second favourite organ. No, no. No-one is touching my brain. They might drop it, then I’ll end up talking like Mister LePeters who lived on my block and was struck by lightning!” From “Sleeper”.

So glad the English interviewer laughed

I saw that punchline coming about 18 months ago . . . Nah, I don't want it to look like I'm a Woody hater - he's done some good stuff, like *Zelig*, which I had on tape once. Fuck knows where that has got to . . .

Not an ad-lib

OMG it’s a fecking Babel Fish!!!!

Him and Polaski make a right pair.

i just found out i was breast fed from falsies...

Definitely a comedic, genius, but since much about the real man has been revealed, there’s always a layer of creepiness to him now whenever I see him. Let’s just say he wasn’t exactly a romantic or someone who actually loved women (or animals for that matter)

Woody was a great comedian and filmmaker but a lousy babysitter.

„These pretzels are making me thirsty“

"I don't mind dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Stupid.

Not a single line, but this bit which I paraphrase here is one of my favorite bits of Woody Allen: "My wife was a very immature woman. That's all I can say. Tell me if this doesn't sound immature to you. I would be home taking a bath and my wife would walk in whenever she felt like and sink my boats."

"In closing, I wish I could leave you with some sort of positive message, but I can't. Would you take two negative messages?"

At 81 what wisdom can Woody Allen impart? - "Don't order the guacamole special in a polish restaurant."

In Love and Death one character said in my village that man was the town idiot and Woodys character says what, did you show?!

"He had great pith"

"It's my grandfather's watch. My grandfather, on his death bed...sold me this watch."

Fuck the Woody haters.

Listened to his stand up tape so many times. I almost have it memorized its so funny. I was reversing my car over gwb . Plus moose story and fireengine story. Hilarious.

One thing he said that I resented was a classic Groucho Marx line that he didn't acknowledge Groucho for. Just acted like he came up with. Blatant theft

I knew he was gay.

Genius is an understatement.

Best lines in any Woody Allen film are from Annie Hall. Annie: "I have the feeling your grandmother doesn't like me." Woody: "Nah, she likes you. Really!" Annie: "Ok then. (pause). What does "'kurwaj mean, anyway?" mwahahahaaha!!!!

Brilliant - but no way that was an ad-lib. He’d given the setup to the interviewer.

Woody Allen is a child molester

He used to be into S&M, necrophilia and bestiality, until he realized he was just flogging a dead horse.

Woody Allen and funny don't even live in the same zip code.

Class!! "My one regret in life, is that I'm not someone else"

One that caught me off guard was: "Don't knock Masturbation, It's sex with someone I love"

Completely deadpan. A ridiculously talented comedian, and one of the great filmmakers. And then, well...there was that other stuff...

Allen's greatest prank? Adopting a girl, then while a minor, sleep with her while his wife was in the next room

I thought it was…Your too old for me.

One of the best comedy writer/directors of our time.

Love & Death absolutely killed me. So funny. He's made plenty of hilarious films but that one just broke me.

" As a kid I go into a synagogue and asks the rabbi about the meaning of life. He tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. So he charges me 600 dollars for lessons." 😂

"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love!"

Glorious!!!!

I guess Woody and Trigger had a stable relationship, eh?

Kinda reminds me of that scene in one of his early, funny movies with Gene Wilder and the sheep....

Love that he states he has no interest in meeting Roy Rogers.

True comedy genius!

Clever Man

You’re so beautiful, I can hardly keep my eyes on the meter

love and death: he left me his letters. here you take the vowels I'll take the consonants

I actually believe that, the mans a perv

Woody Allen concert records from the sixties which included monologues like the Moose and kidnapping are just comedy gold,

In the documentary Wild Man Blues, when he's in the hotel, and he gives the Italian maid a bag of dirty laundry; "This being Milan, I hope the laundry doesn't come back breaded".

Haha.

Woody Allen's Greatest Ad-Lib Line: Yes, I sexually assaulted my daughter in that attic.