My dad always said I would “grow out of it” and they couldn’t afford to send me to a specialist. In 1983 when I was mostly nonverbal people would often talk about me in front of me, and I heard my teachers talking about care facilities that I could be placed in… so I was scared they’d take me away from my parents and after that I “grew out of it” and forced myself to control certain behaviors. That was good for everyone but me. Because it was traumatic. I never got any help or support or suggestions. I had to use my 8 year old neurodivergent brain to devise my own coping strategies. And I’m still the same person now, with very vivid memories of my childhood which I’m the only person who clearly remembers all that stuff. And they said so many times, “she won’t remember”

Where do I find this full video?

I always say not to tell me what to do and I've been diligint not to do that to others. So I probably have this lol

I have autism and i just had a bad meltdown and now im sorry for my parents as i was attacking my dad

Thank you for this

Apart from the background music (of which I think is the perfect type) being a bit too loud and the occasional use of person-first language (of which I think doesn't really help autistic people because it often implies that autism is a disease of which it isn't) I think this is a very powerful and useful video. Also, we're definately past the point of needing to raise awareness of autism. (At least in the global messaging and prevelance sense) It's now much more important for the focus to be on acceptance and appreciation. I firmly believe that the best way to do this is by autistic people and our allistic allies working to re-frame the existing negative paradigms of autism being a 'disorder' and 'a problem to be fixed or cured' into what it obviously and actually is - i.e a neurological language difference. How many people are regarded or classed as disordered or inferior for having a different native spoken/verbal language to someone else? Not many if any! Why? Because a British person who speaks English as their first (spoken) language doesn't EXPECT someone who's born and raised in South America (Where Spanish is the most common spoken langauge) to speak English - at least not to a native level. Is this a problem for either person? No, not usually because they know they're from different nations and cultures. What cures or treatments are available for someone who speaks a different national verbal language to the one we speak? None! Why? Because spoken or verbal language isn't something that needs to be cured or treated and neither can it be. It needs to be learned if we want to communicate with and understand someone of a different spoken language to us. What does this sound a lot like? Yes, AUTISM! Autistic people speak (natively and not just verbally) the autistic language. It's the opposite to the one that most people around the world speak as their primary native language - i.e allistic. If spoken/verbal language differences are acceptable (of which the evidence suggests they mostly if not completely are) then there's no reason why neurological language differences shouldn't be also. Therefore, if we work to get a paradigm shift in relation to autism - i.e from disorder, disability, and disease to language then what will most likely follow? Yes! Acceptance! Once we're at that point, we can work on the appreciation. I for one am working hard in relation to this because the health lives of autistic people have been at stake (with many having poor health and fallen victim to suicide) and they still are. There's still far too many autistic children and adults struggling greatly in this world when they needn't be - all because autism has been incorrectly categorised or classified. THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE! THIS MUST CHANGE! THIS WILL CHANGE -FOR THE BETTER! (Why do I now feel like a UK Labour Party politician?! 😂) Thank you for reading this (very long) comment! I encourage you to check out the following link... www.thearticulateautistic.com/today-autism-won-its-not-a-war-its-a-language-you-can-learn/?unapproved=25233&moderation-hash=6b4e4ce23a52a0bd5defa6fb1cc33b98#comment-25233

If I can prevent it, I'm walking away. I'm working on trying to explain my rapid exit. You can't just walk off, but you also need to sat bye or something. The reason today? The person visiting from hospice for my roommate just got quiet and weird. I split. Bye gurl.😊

Is this video subject to copyright or do you give permission for this to be used for training purpose?

Here is a challenge. Tell me why this notion has been labelled "The Double Empathy Problem".

This is SO me!!! Recently diagnosed autistic at 59 yo. I am extremely demand avoidant. It drives my husband nuts!

I made plans with a friend but got sick so I had to cancel. I was crying on and off for about two hours, it was even worse because the last time I saw her was in January and the next time we can meet up is next January or next April 😔 (sorry for the vent)

You have hit the nail on head. Was there any expectation of having to pay to park generated before the commitment to pay to park was generated. This is a normal demand avoidance. Pathological demand avoidance is I hired on hourly why are you telling me to hang up my telephone and do what you need? I'm special needs. That's pathological demand avoidance . In the first case the machine only had limited real estate so it was set up to have pathological demand appearance without the actual demand. If it was me I would have laughed and just drove on around to the booth to argue about the dollar. They're making the pathological demand. This doesn't apply to everything that's a rather unique situation you're discussing and I bet people use it more than once or they don't go there often strangers would be throwing a fit.

Given all the negative crap low support needs divergent people get, you'd have to be quite unwell to choose to identify as ASD. We do it because, as mentioned in the video, we go through a very long process, often lasting years before we hit upon the fact we might just be divergent. We then spend a long time thoroughly researching. The last thing we want is to be singled out even more. We risk the extra burden of guilt and shame on top of that which we've suffered all our lives, because wecan find some solace within ourselves and in the company of others. The more we come out, the more adverse reaction we get, but the more we understand ourselves. It's not a decision taken lightly.

I can't tell the difference between tantrum and meltdown for me. I feel that I get a meltdown when people force me to do things that I can't handle and which overwhelm me, so in that sense I do have a goal - I want to be understood and I feel nobody does. It's just that there seems to be two things to it, the overwhelm of not being understood and being forced to do something you can't cope with the way an NT can, and the need to be understood.

OMG, not getting answers to the actual questions I ask is maddening

*Raises hand*✋️ I have a sensory aversion to water, lol. 💧 😂

So I live in a group home with different women, one who is mentally unstable they really get under my skin and that's when I get overwhelmed ,frustrated that's when I have a meltdown.

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa.

Today my husband said “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is my uncles visiting from CA and he will be here soon and the good news is I get to see my uncle” he doesn’t realize I need several days to weeks to mentally and physically prepare for a house guest 😞 he said “I’m going to try to make this as painless as possible.” He just can’t understand how incredibly painful last minute visitors are for me. It’s like torture. It actually feels like I’m being confined in prison when I’m forced to entertain guests with no preparation time. I have no snacks to offer him, no drinks, etc now all I have to offer is my pissy attitude that I’ll try hard to hide so I don’t give him the impression that I’m a stuck up bi*** but it’s going to take every ounce of energy I’ve got to “fake it.”

One if things that can aggravate sensory overload is quick cuts on KZbin videos, just a thought!

My stages of mental breakdowns😢: 1.anger I usually throw stuff 2.causing self harm(hitting or slapping myself) 3.crying and lay on the floor lifeless I stay on the floor because it’s a way to calm myself down before I cause any more damage I’m still a child so I might grown out of this but does any one have any tips for me?

Thanks God for blessing me with this awesome disease I've alienated everyone out of my life that's ever meant to any thing to me, Every time I meet somebody new romantically or friendship wise it always blows up I'm pretty sure I'll die alone..

i missed this by a few years, thats okay, im have some work to present whomever is interested, (being intentionally over formal but genuine in the same breadth, which makes me not naively over formal as in the first part of my bracketed self awareness section, but intentionally and fiercely integral to my sound natural form) [self, i love you, thankyou me, myself yes, we as well -i....a pleasure, and all the unnamed and unnameable parts & perceived proponents of person, presently present.) <wonderful not to prune that little end bit, i used to, and it destroyed my entire system of self , (theres perceives system and then when i stepped aside observing there emerged a remarkable pattern i am joyed to discover each day ) now i flourish as i physically need to mindful of others and choosing where to direct it , the piano is one place, and, here i am nothing disordered, all a sound system of anatomical naturally & from diverse form. naturally, isn't there always a segment of every culture in history that was diverse, ...recorded history how humorous you are, like the dolphin's of choice fluidity of the 20's, once restricted info, thats okay, were here living this chapter. ill continue this elsewhere. thankyou both of you for modelling success, i'm doing my part very to my every detriment, with zero help and a silence statistically significant , well im still here, ive deserved the unstoppable title , discoveed i am a force of nature and its done with every dignity and polite canadian .....(i cut mysel off, it was time)

I’m not diagnosed. At least not officially. KZbin diagnosed me. I’m not saying anyone what condition I may or may not have. But here is one thing! Your work is absolutely amazing and you’ve done a lot for me personally- your advice works perfectly for me, I sorted out a lot of things with your advice and the quality of my life is much better. Also very often I hear or read some autistic person’s experience I tell myself: but that’s me! I belong to one online group for autistic people and there I finally feel like I belong and I relate a lot to them also I hear from them that they relate a lot to me. Or that I put something in words perfectly. I was picked twice by my teachers during school years but my mom told them I’m not autistic, I’m perfectly normal just like her.

I literally can't think about my own hyperempathy without becoming overwhelmed with... empathy and sadness. It's the most embarrassing part of autism to me.

I have a son tht is autistic and autism sensory disorder 10 year old he's been doing a lot of getting his night and day mixed up and he doesn't like school 🏫 and he doesn't want to go to sleep

Thank you for posting

I understand these principles and have used them to smooth the relationship with my 25 yo autistic son. But how do i prepare him to live in a world where most others are not that informed or supportive?

I’m calling balogna on Hannah gadsby being autistic

Your videos are absolutely fantastic! I'm a therapist and work with people on the spectrum (and NTs) and also have many family members, including my partner who are on the spectrum. Additionally, I have ADHD and have been learning Demand Avoidance is a thing for some people with ADHD too -- and that definitely includes me. I've read about AD before and have watched other videos about it before but I never really "got it" before watching this! Oh, and I love your story about the 11-year-old girl. Thank you so much for sharing in it; I totally agree about the unfairness of potentially setting up preconceived judgments.

Question what if in case my child doesn't acknowledge the world around him unless he throwing stuff when he comes to he is in self hate because the option have been taken away due to hitting . Im open to info if anyone has time

The funny thing is... alot of these psychology traits with clinical names, align perfectly with immaturity 😂😂😂

As a kid and teenager I used to check if my belongings are on their places. I did. it once a day after school. If something was missing I started searching. But I got so upset that quickly I lost control over myself and the situation. It was absolutely horrible. I used to scream, squeak, swear through clenched teeth, bang my fists or head off a wall, throw and break things. It usually lasted few minutes. During these few minutes I had a terrible flow of power but it was short. Then I was drained out of energy, shaking, crying. My family had a lot of fun of me and they still do. For me it was horrible and very embarrassing experience. Was it an example of autistic meltdown? Sometimes the searched thing got found during the tantrum, then I started getting calmer, but it also took me some time. I couldn’t cope with the fact that something was missing. I felt kinda anxious and unsafe and strong anxiety that I may need it but it’s missing. Even if I didn’t use it for long time. I had very strong connection to my belongings and I still do. I currently avoid the trigger to not lose control over myself. My family has never provided me with any support. They only talked to me “behave yourself” while I was out of control and it made it even worse. I also heard how immature and idiot I am. Now I’m confused why I actually experienced that

Thank you for helping me with a 30 year old son . I don't know how to help...can you help me or direct me how to go to dr. He is in therapy now.😢

I love your example of your own experience. Imagine if everyone in the world adamantly resisted being controlled-- the slave system we are in would no longer exist.

Oh man, I can see you going through some stuff when you're talking about it, and I get those feels too. I hate those memories of meltdowns and talking about them.

My child (kindergarten) has the hardest time using the toilet when forced to do so. Even when he chooses he'll try to sneak out of his agreement. He's diagnosed with ADHD by his PCP. I'm not sure what next steps are. He really likes making eye contact, so I doubt ASD. I just need a way for him to feel empowered. But even his own body demands feel like unnecessary demands to him.

Our grandsons would have fits and stop breathing and pass out...we would try desperately to talk them out of it...never worked...now we squeeze hug them and talk gently and they no longer pass-out or hold their breath...the hugs seem to give a claiming effect.

We have a client who has both ADHD and autism. Sometimes, when this client demands something we cannot provide immediately, they become insistent. When they reach a heightened state of agitation, they will not accept redirection or distractions. This requires us to remain alert, as the client may become physically aggressive, and we may need to perform an emergency use of manual restraint. While it can be frustrating, we understand that these individuals require our help, and we must exercise patience. Our priority is to identify what is and is ineffective in managing their behavior.

My guess is the initials chosen for this are because everyone seems to want to call most stuff by three letters. ASD OCD DEP It’s not really a PROBLEM though, is it? I just call it DE = Double Empathy

My brother is a non-verbal autistic 18 yr old. He can't feed, bathe, clean, or change himself. He's about 5'7" while I'm the tallest out of me, my mum, and my sisters with me being 5'3". I'm 19, my younger sister is 15, my older sister is 23, and my mum is turning 60. None of us are strong enough anymore to physically be able to help my brother when he has one of his violent meltdowns. I keep watching videos to help, but they all talk about autistic children that can actually understand more than simple words and sentences, and how to deal with their meltdowns by talking and reasoning with them. It's difficult to find out what triggers my brother's meltdowns because he's non-verbal. He just starts hitting himself, hitting my mum, me, and starts throwing breakable things, and running around. This endangers both him and us. My dad is his primary carer that would bathe, clean, change, and sleep with him. However, recently he left to see his dad and fix his teeth because it's cheaper there than in the Uk. He planned to go for 4 weeks, and told us 4 weeks. 4 weeks is really difficult for us but we were gonna try our best to cope. Without my dad, all of us have to pick up the extra work of taking care of him on top of our daily duties, such as working or housework. When my dad was home, he wasn't working because his full-time job WAS taking care of my brother. Now that he's there with his own dad and fixing his crooked teeth, he said that he has to extend his stay by 10 more days even though he left telling us 4 weeks. It's only been 1 1/2 weeks for us so far and he's already had 3 meltdowns. My mum is 60. She could get hurt really badly and so could my sisters. My brother could also hurt himself because there's a lot of dangerous things in our house since it's not done properly, like broken tiles in the kitchen, shelves instead of cupboards so fragile stuff is out in the open read to throw, etc. I'm autistic too and I feel his pain but there's nothing I can do.

And the solution is …

I was just at the point where I myself as an healthy male just said "Nah, dude, just FO" to an autistic friends who has a meltdown once a week and cries, can't walk straight, talks in a high voice, makes up in my opinion for him silly rules. This is exactly what he does. I don't approve of it because it's -on- that problematic level Now I understand it better but the video is exactly what I assumed. Still he makes hissyfits and sees problems in -every- just normal thing. He doesn't drink a beer, hates being in any place where people are, behaves awkward to almost anyone new he gets to know, says he sees "being a male as just something biologic", starts arguing for hours about things any normale person doesn't need to talk about and then, -worst part-, always said he doesn't want any change to come out of arguments. After spensing like 15 hours in always 3-hour-cycles I'; just done? He openly admits he doesn't want to change and only has child-like topics. And it completely messes with thr 'adult-stuff' I have to do, yet he has a Bachelor's degree but only hangs with edgy nerds playing 'Magic cards' like he was 14 years old. Not my world. I don't think anyone can help him. In this case. Maybe your son does better but for that friend I have, I just don't like wasting all my time...

Recently started working with an autistic young adult working through these issues. This video is very helpful.

This is exactly why I am struggling so much in College. All I want to do right now is make video games(I’m a game design major) and none of my classes actually pertain to that and I have no choice of what I get to study. It makes college really depressing and it makes me think that I will never be able to do what I want.

I am autistic and proud of it

My son's biggest trigger is being under-stimulated and changes to routine. He can't focus on anything for more than a few mins so I have 3 mins between him switching task. As soon as he's bored he'll start ruminating,saying strange words, shift in eyes, chant, start saying and doing violent and outrageous things he'd normally never do. He's 15, and his mentality age is around 2. I've went through parent training,his behavioral services say it's more phyc related, his phyc doc does nothing, meanwhile Im having to call police on a weekly basis ughhh I have nothing that hasn't been destroyed...

My son has been diagnosed of autism spectrum since childand has battled with it all his life. But recently taking Dr Oyalo herbs have helped him improve from all autistic traits completely.

Thank you.

So I’m now 42 I’ll be 43 this year and it’s only just clicked in my head that stuff I’ve been doing and ways I’ve been acting could be mild autism I’m no expert so it could easily be something else entirely but I’m seeing a lot of things that people with this problem explain about their life’s and going that lines up with this and that. I’m on this video as I want to show my mum who I’m a carer for it to get across what I mean and I’m guessing you can probably explain it a little better than I can. On a side not I have that same bookcase😊