Idk. Maybe for little kids? My teen doesn't do well unless he wants to. Because it's easier. He has the skills to do well, he can. But not doing the work is easier. So he's a kid who can but won't.

Maths techer here. So when the two happy and healthy kids Ahmad and Tommy are having a blast instead of solving equations in the middle of a class - that's because they CAN'T do well? Come on - that's ridiculous. I happen to also work in an insitution for kids with diagnoses - and know fully well that the "do well if they CAN" maxime is a heuristic pertaining to a certain set of a certain set of children's problematic behaviours - but not a catch-all for all behaviour by all kids 😄 Come on, man! This is WAAAY to over-generalized. It needs clear demarcations!

A very good video, a worthwhile rewatch every few months. "If kids do well, they would do well," is profound. Thank you.

This is completely wrong. Sometimes its true but removing all accountability for children is a terrible idea and doesnt work very well. We have to provide supports AND hold them accountable for utilizing better methods that they have been taught. You have to have both of those things in place. Problem solving together AND accountability. Removing all accountability absolutely does not work.

How can I help to get this information to the teachers/schools in my area?

Such important information!!

This is genius. I wish everyone could understand this.

Kids are 1000% concerned about having their concerns ignored!

Dirty underwear guy Dr. D.U.G.

Family Resilience brought me here.

--Frustration Tolerance. -Problem Solving. -Self-Worth & Care. -Empathy. -Emotional Intelligence, Awareness and Language. -Flexibility & Adaptability.

I watched 100s videos to solve my daughter problems , every part of videos disappoint me ,anxiety after knowing everything but when i watched your videos i finally understand how can i solve her problems . Thankyou so much for sharing such golden speech 🙏

Wonderful video!

Doctor, I need help with my son. I read the book "the explosive child" I am Debbie and my son is Jennifer. All I can think of is my son. I need more help though. I joined also the Facebook groups and asked numerous questions. But I still don't understand. I need help. Who can I ask, please help me.

I felt that... I have two children. My daughter is a perfect little angel. My son is...not. Lol. I used to go around judging people with poorly behaved kids and thought if they could just be like me, their kids would behave. Meanwhile, God was up there laughing at the plans he had in store for me in my son. I had to learn the hard way about being responsive to the hand we've been dealt being the definition of good parenting. I wish I'd found your stuff 5 years ago.

I hope these videos never come down. The message here is so valuable.

There is such a vast number of "challenging behaviors" and they all have different root causes (many aren't given to the TA until over halfway through the school year). An older child (likely) has already been trained at home to keep the root cause a secret.

"What is the function of a challenging behavior? It communicates to us that the kid doesn't have the skills to do it better. Because if he could, he would." Boom. I'm still struggling with how exactly to teach flexibility and responding adaptively vs. what to simply accept as developmentally appropriate.

Ouch… some of this one kinda slaps me right in the face… 😬 But to be clear, I likely needed it

10:16

We are so very grateful for your whole child approach to collaborative problem solving and compassion lenses. Truly grateful over here!

I'm only a "sub" but I've seen many good teachers who show they have this perspective - Asking, "Who *IS* this kid???" - what a perfect starting point.

💓

What if the child has difficulty verbalizing their concern? If They can’t talk or describe it why they are anxious or doing something?

You put it in a very simple and eloquent way...

Love this.Thank you!

Its not tough to see why people use plan A. Its your only option with children (its silly to collaborate with a 2 year old) but they dont transition as kids grow older.

The fact that there is dramatic differences between family and behaviors on average it suggests a strong family difference in family culture or genetics. Fatherless homes have dramatically worse behavioral outcomes...clearly parents play a role. Also serious statement of American pathology that we compare teachers to mental health professionals.

I like this. Kids have been raised with authoritarian approaches for thousands of years so obviously it works fine. The question is does this better? I think it must for some children in the modern world.

As a parent who lacks the skill of dealing with frustration, how do I teach that to my son? How does anyone teach something they themselves has never learned? With that said, I will continue to watch and learn because so far, this has been the best resource I have found. Thank you Dr. Green.

What about Non-verbal teens with mal adaptive behaviors ?

Holy crow! Felt like you were speaking right too me in our current family troubles

Is it possible to see the slides for this presentation?

Sincere question: what precisely does it mean to DO WELL? Who gets to decide? Love the direction in which you're going, Dr. Green, but there is way more onion to peel here! How I would love to have a conversation about this with you!

I wish my son's kindergarten teachers watched this video...

Thank you so much!

I wish this were adapted for adults struggling with developmental,learning and/or emotional challenges. So often the mantra professionals use with adults they have labeled as "non-compliant" is "you need to take responsibility" but rarely if ever seem to consider whether the person is ABLE TO RESPOND. It is sad that "enabling" is only seen in in the negative light of enabling "maladaptive" behavior when often what struggling adults need is more positive enabling of strengths which often requires help in figuring out what is getting in the way {which all too often includes obstacles created (and even harm inflicted) by previous "theraputic interventions" or through stigma,judgement or harmful labels }.

Very positive approach

"I wonder why so many adults are concerned with having thier concerns blown off the table?" Adults are concerned with:1.Safety, 2. learning, 3. how your behavior affects themselves or others. Adults can use : Empathy, waiting, listening, gathering information, raising concerns; both yours and the child's, to ally and find collaborative problem solving steps. This should be used to deal with so many more of our concerns with other adults.

Kids are doing their best, because why wouldn't they? Parents are doing their best, because why wouldn't they? Teachers are doing their best, because why wouldn't they? The reality is that we all need to take a step back to look at our situation, think about what we're facing, and engage others in supporting us to process it effectively. To maximise our chances of getting the support we need, an ongoing dialogue is necessary so that we all understand what the outcomes we want will look like. This means all of us taking a step back out of the problem situation so that we can look into it. When we're in the situation itself, we can only look outside it to what we've left behind - longing for the past instead of creating the future.

Perfect! And when you get them past their barrier - which is also when you get past the same kind of barrier which was stopping you helping them before - they fly!

I absolutely like this approach. This is so refreshing.

I’m 32 years old and I’ve finally found someone who seems to understand who I was as a child and why. I’m almost in tears.

My job forced me to watch this. what a crock of shit this guy spits out

This guy is a moron!!

What FANTASTIC information!!!! Thank you Dr. Greene!

Professor showed it in parenting class. Really great!!!

You teach him the skills and "he becomes a motivated yes because the adults have finally figured it out." YES! THIS! It's our JOB as the adults to do this! It can't succeed when it's only done at home. Schools must embrace this as well. My son's former school was of the motivation-based variety, and my efforts plus the psychiatrist's efforts could not nullify the damage that school caused, let alone make progress. I was merely picking up the pieces and losing ground every day.

Exactly what happened to my son! Your videos resonate profoundly with me. I got my son out of the unhealthy school into one that taught him the skills he needed and treated him with dignity. A few weeks after I removed him from the previous school, he stopped being suicidal. After a few months at the new school, the behavioral improvement was profound. He is currently thriving, starting his second year at the new school. This approach works. Early identification and application is crucial, but most schools fight it all the way, treat these kids and their parents as the enemy, treat these kids' disabilities as character flaws.

My diagnosis helped saved my life. It told me that I wasn’t broken, wasn’t defective, and wasn’t stupid. I have ADHD so I have many of these struggles. ADHD helps me understand my weaknesses and why I struggle. I just don’t understand why medications work for kids with ADHD if it’s just skills based.