I believe she means it during the process of building tolerance. Something like that: 1st you do an anxiety "detox". So do only accommodations, no pressure at all, so the person can regulate and get out of the constant stress zone and feel calmer and more comfortable around you and close people. Once the person has achieved this "relaxed zone", you can build a collaborative plan, probably better with the therapist and parents involved somehow, to let the PDA person experience dosed challenges (so in this stage not accomodate all the anxiety, but let the person experience it in a moderate/low level). With this, the goal is that the person can develop better coping skills and be more functional. It just needs to me done in a "natural" way, not forced, in a more "go with the flow" style. If the PDA person can feel like they are being able to navigate through small steps it can be very rewarding and make a very positive impact on their behaviour.

About the choices/rewards it can definitely come across manipulative but I think it will depend in which mind state the person is and how you present them. If you are able to internalize a non-expectative/non-demanding type of comunication and behaviour you will probably be succesfull with this aproach. It's more about feeling comfortable around eachother

I'm in the same boat 💯

Yea to the PDA definition and characteristics; the “treatment” part is questionable and worrisome; you CANNOT make neurodivergent people into neurotypical; that’s pure bias

Yes! I totally agree with you! I am an autistic female adult with PDA and I wish that people would address not just children, but adults as well!

True, but learning how to reduce demands for our children reduces nervous system activation and helps them avoid burnout and PTSD. That will then help them get to adulthood.

@@lord-lala No, it won't. The demands are very different as a child and an adult. Also, a child is having a hard time understanding what is going on and making sense of things. The child finds some way to comply just to get by and that doesn't address actual demands or the anxiety or compulsion. Speaking as an actually autistic and PDA person.

Just make sure you are accessing autistic researchers of autism; non-autistic researchers have a relatively high level of bias as they are not capable of experiencing this differently abled state. For example, if you hear them use words like “condition” or “disorder,” you can tell right away that they are not autistic. Autistic people would never consider themselves “disordered.”

Personally I loved it! I disregarded the form and went to the core of what was said. But PDA is one of my restricted interests so my motivation to listen is high.

some kids prefer to live on the street. homeless without expectations

Babies don't become demand avoidant because of NT society. They are trying to calm their jangled nerves. Societal expectations exacerbates it but doesn't cause it if it was there from birth.

You are definitely not alone ...I share the same experience all day everyday it seems

My friend Lisa you might evolve in time to be patient with yourself. It's ok that a book rests on a shelf unread for even a long while, one day you will have the impulse to read it, no problem there. Everything can wait until the exact time comes that one finally does it. I'm sure you've got other important things to do in the meantime. It's a question of allowing diversifiication of activities, why not... Best, Yana

I agree it seems super difficult. I think that as a late diagnosed autistic person who is trying to navigate this with my son the thing that is helping me is to remember how much harder it is for them as a child and not having any context or experience and even less control of their environment. Having that empathy I feels helps me.

@@janetostergaard598how do you feel when you envision your future? I recently started caring for a 19 year old with this and he has never been able to have the opportunity to build upon his life experiences because of these symptoms. He can’t go out and get a job and learn how the world works. So when I think “poor baby he just doesn’t know how the world works” I then get more depressed knowing he will never change because he can’t get out and experience the world.

@@brandihillcom I suggest reading the book The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids. It talks a lot about shifting your own views so that you are able to help yourself and the child recognize their accomplishments. Even if they may not seem like a big deal you have to view it through the lens of where they are coming from and then you can recognize growth. I know for my own kid it doesn't ever seem like he makes the connections of cause and effect based on where I am but if I look at where he is and what he has done I glow with pride knowing what he has overcome. My child is also gifted, so to the world he is lazy or uncaring or without direction because they don't see the inner struggle. They just think he is smart so why isn't he doing this thing that he is perfectly capable of. I as his mother know that is not the case at all. I see when he has these moments where he is so stressed because of demands that he either lashes out (verbally or physically), shuts down completely and will sleep for 18-20 hours straight, or just starts crying. He can't express what is going on for him. That fight, flight, fawn has completely taken over all of his mental capacity and he needs to reset. It doesn't necessarily happen quickly. I try to reduce these triggers at home.

@@brandihillcomI struggle with this. My parents never understand and try to force me to be “normal”

​@@brandihillcomhave u been able to try any occupational therapy..? Our occupational therapist is the one who finally recognized it in my 16 year old. Also At Peace Parenting is a great resource. Wish you the best!

You're right - we need so much more widespread understanding to support these kiddos (and protect their self-esteem)! I am in Calgary, Canada.

Omg my kid is exactly in this situation as well and same age 😳

I'd like to point out, weren't gifted people always difficult? They were well known for that! Isaac Newton for example, he was difficult to deal with. But he gave a lot to the world. I think gifted people just have more extreme talents and more extreme character flaws. It is all more intense with them. But they are valuable members of their communities.

​@@yanamarte4542 PDA is not a "character flaw".

Also want to say thank you for the information. Demand avoidance is so difficult to navigate and accommodate. I experience it and I am still sometimes feeling offended and thinking just do the thing! With my son who is exhibiting pda reactions daily now that he's entered school and demands in his life are suddenly numerous. I hate how chronically difficult this is going to make his life (I know attitudes and understanding improvement will make his experience better than mine has been. But still very scared for the things he'll face or miss out on) hate how others will often miss out on knowing him and how kind and curious and funny he is because he can lash out or argue relentlessly to avoid anything but not in a predictable way.

I definitely agree, it's an unfortunate truth. And the same with other adults who work with children as well, such as educators... These students need lots of warm, caring, non-judgmental people in all aspects of their lives.

Why “unfortunate”? It is really confusing how you use qualifiers. As an autistic person and proud PDA-er, I don’t see this as a problem. On the one hand, you call this a “uber-power” and on the other hand, you want to “treat” it. I am really worried when you speak about webinars and how you propagate such borderline gaslighting. If you want to help others, join autistic groups and organizations led by autists and start to truly understand from the inside out. After a while, you’ll realize that a more complex and humane approach is needed. Or better yet, you’ll realize that “changing” us is an erroneous idea.

I know I am likely opening a huge can of worms here, but curious as to what makes it annoying? I will do my best - I am always open to feedback! - but "kiddos" has admittedly been part of my vocabulary for almost 30 years now as an affectionate way to refer to children. It is also part of my way of being with the families I work with (i.e., not some stuffy overly clinical expert who knows what's best for children and their families). Nonetheless, I want to be culturally responsive, so definitely open to specific feedback!

@@dr.carolinebuzanko Maybe it doesn't bother other people. Using it three or four times in one video is just grating. I noticed it at first with my cousin who worked with autistic children. Just sounds like kind of cloying "special ed" talk, like it's too risky to talk about them like they're "regular" kids or children. I don't think I'd like it if adults talked about me that way. I don't like "doggo" either, or if a vet kept saying "kitties" instead of cats.

Kiddos are part of a nutritious breakfast 🥣

@@argusfleibeit1165 Right. Why not just call them kids, or children? I don't know if I've ever heard a professional of any kind use "kiddo" to describe a non-disabled child.

Take a shot every time someone says or types kiddos!

Thanks for your comment! I personally would never diagnose a child with ODD - there is usually WAY more going on for them. That label is never helpful anyway and I find adults start working with a lot of bias, even unintentionally. We know both are behavioural disorders. Based on the DSM’s (the diagnostic bible professionals often use to diagnose things) definition of ODD, we see it as persistent patterns of angry or irritable mood, argumentative/defiant behaviour, or vindictiveness. Common symptoms include frequent loss of temper, defiance toward authority figures, and a proclivity for spiteful behaviour. Treatment usually involves a variety of things that would include behaviour therapy and parent training. PDA isn’t recognized in the DSM and is often considered a sub-type of autism. For these children, they often want to do good but they have an overwhelming need to resist everyday demands and expectations, leading to high levels of anxiety. Here it’s more management than treatment per se, where we adapt our communication styles to reduce the perceived demands and minimize anxiety. Any therapeutic support is very individualized (vs. pretty standard treatment for ODD). They both certainly have challenges with regulating emotions and so we might see lots of anxiety, temper outbursts, mood swings. Both are definitely associated with anxiety. ODD seems more situational though, where PDA is more pervasive and is really linked to an intolerance of uncertainty or even just the perception of demands. When we look at key differences: • ODD is more a standalone diagnosis (but often seen with ADHD), and PDA is part of autism. • ODD focuses on oppositionality towards authority figures, with defiance and vindictiveness. PDA centres around an avoidance of everyday demands.

My dad is like this. It's the only way I can beat him in chess.

I could usually only get my child to do things using reverse psychology. If she thought I didn't want her to, she would rush to do it. If the food was on my plate, or apparently intended for someone else, she'd eat it. But she got wise to it as she got older and even the playful games became a demand.

You’re dealing with neurodivergence; research it;

Thank you! Glad it was helpful.

This is an okay-ish overview in the first part, until she starts talking about changing “kiddos” to not “miss out” on neurotypical stuff. Autistic individuals simply do not feel the need to do neurotypical things, for the most part. They are not missing out on this stuff. This researcher needs to RESARCH more before they continue to propagate neurotypical perspectives on gullible and exhausted parents.

With PDA, anxiety really drives the avoidance of demands, such as anxiety about meeting expectations or losing control. This anxiety is pervasive so we want to ensure that any therapeutic approach targets that anxiety. We initially want to modify how we communicate demands and expectations. Along with parental training and family therapy (which is an essential part of the treatment plan!), we would want to look at incorporating: • Adapted Communication. At least initially, we absolutely need to modify how demands are communicated to reduce the perception of demands and build success/momentum. • Low-arousal Approaches. Over aroused kids = emotional outbursts. Because we want to encourage adaptive behaviour, we want to keep the emotional arousal low. • I LOVE Ross Green, so using Collaborative Approaches. Methods like the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model emphasize identifying unmet expectations and solving problems collaboratively. Now, for CBT, yes, it can be helpful to address the underlying anxiety. The components of things like distress tolerance and mindfulness are important. HOWEVER, traditional CBT might be too structured. Therefore, we need to ensure we are modifying it to meet the child’s needs adequately. So, using things from above like reducing perceived demands and framing activities as choices (which a good therapist should be doing anyway). We need to be flexible for the child’s needs.

Thanks!

With caution though

Yeah, the physical presentation is overly dramatic.