Oh my.... That was a good one. Really strong sense of optimism!!!!!

Ahahahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂

I love the supercilious voice of the psychiatrist.

That's a good one I heard it about 20 years ago

A man was traveling down a country road. He sees a sign outside a farmhouse: the sign said, 'Talking Dog For Sale'. He goes to the farmhouse, rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" He asks the dog. "Yes!" The Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story!" The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and the world's most dangerous drug lords, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the city airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters, and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!" The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the farmer how much he wants for the dog. The dog's owner says, "Ten bucks." The man was surprised and said, "Ten bucks, but this dog is absolutely amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" The farmer said, "Because he's a lying S.O.B. He's never been out of the yard!"

Yes. I heard this one several years ago..a man and a woman were about to tee off at a golf course. They were separate, not together. The woman tees off and her ball lands right into the middle of a pasture of cows. She then goes down and starts looking for it. The man tees off and his ball also lands into the same pasture full of cows. He then goes down to start looking for his ball. They are both scrounging for several minutes and the man decides to start lifting the tails of the cows. When he lifts one of the tails, he finds a ball wedged in the back of one of the cows. He knew the ball wasn’t his because the color was different. He then calls the lady over..mamm, come over here please…he lifts the tail of the cow and asks…Does this one look like yours?

Yep!... That's nice!....Real nice! 🤣

Gordon Bennet 🤣🤣🤣

We must be in rerun season.

Just don’t tell her that bananas make the best slippers!

A blonde woman went ice fishing. She had seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary gear and equipment together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blond moved further down the ice, swigged down a beer, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, swigged down another beer, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"

I fugired she was going to say the alligator wasn't her size.

Predictable but amusing.

😄 I had _thought_ he was a little quick about getting into that plane.

Predictable dad joke

Smart, by sheer luck😮

One day, Susie asked her mother, "Mom, why do you always cut the ends off of the sausages before you put them in the pan?" Her mother said, "Oh, that's just the way my mother always did it. You'll have to ask her." The next time her grandmother visited, Susie asked, "Granny, Why do you and Mom cut the ends off of the sausages before you put them in the pan?" Her grandmother said, "Oh, that's just the way my mother always did it. You'll have to ask her." The next time the family visited her slightly senile great grandmother at the nursing home, Susie asked, "Why do you and Granny and Mom always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the pan?" Her Great Granny was surprised and said, "Oh, my goodness, are they still using that same stupid little frying pan?"

the LANDING ought to interesting!! ( I think I saw THAT one coming) as they say " any landing you can walk away from, is a SUCSESFUL landing " Sooo there might B hope yet!! huh? 😲😲💣💥👽💀💤😆😆😆😆

Nice life joke! Not only about the pilots!

That's scary!

Oh dear..... That doesn't bode well 😮

Nice joke!

Here is another one….A woman goes to a doctor’s office and tells the doctor, I really concerned about my son…All day long all he does is make mud pies. Before breakfast, up to lunch, all afternoon, and up to bedtime, all he does is make mud pies. I’m a little concerned about this, what can I do? The doctor tells her not to worry, it’s just a phase he’s going through, he’ll get over it in time…Whereupon the woman then says…well, I don’t like it, and neither does his wife.

Bro whats your cpm?

Suppose the customers in restaurant had the greatest view😂

Very funny joke!🤣

That reminds me of the time I saw a topless female ventriloquist in a nightclub. She was fantastic - I never saw her lips move once.

You have been showing nothing but old jokes for a while when do we get new ones

Oh, Rats 🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

great!😂😂😂😂😂

Excellent!!!

Very hard to be self employed 😢

Okay, this raises the question of who gave 'em the tip. The ONLY answer I can come up with is... the WIFE! Because... he only sleeps with her OCCASIONALLY! So, who's he sleeping with regularly?

🤣🤣🤣

I don’t get it

O yea love that one 😊

A man went to a cemetery and placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother. He started walking back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied, "My wife's first husband."

Uh-huh. Knew it was a trap.

Good alternate form of the joke!😂

I think Budweiser made an advert in the USA based on that idea.

This one survived the test of time!👍🤣

How embarrassing 😮

Why was the warning before the joke necessary? Nothing risque or potentially offensive about it.

That happend to me in real life when I was about 12 in South Dakota only I was riding bareback ( NO stirups!) and fell into a cactus patch ( OUCH!!)!! SURE didnt expect that HILLARIOUS ending tho!!!! ( did the WALLMART GREETER even have a LASSO???😆😆😆) bet the BLOND had a " HEADEAK

I'm not a Neighsayer but even I didn't realise that a Blonde could be so dumb. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Bible scholar," he replies."A Bible scholar? Hmm." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in as she's accustomed to?" The young man said, "I will study, and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring such as she deserves?" asks the father. The young man said, "I will concentrate on my studies, and God will provide for us.""And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, honey?" The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is, he thinks I'm God."

Was she taken to the horsepital?

Sounds like a ‘swinging’ parish.

James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives the woman a quick glance and then casually takes a look at his watch. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replies. “Q’s just given me a state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it out.” Intrigued, the woman asks, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” Bond coolly explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk telepathically.” The lady says, “So what’s it telling you now?” “Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties,” says Bond. The woman giggles and replies, “Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!” Bond shakes his head, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”

Whoops 🤭. What more can I say?