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@andynorton5830 13 күн бұрын
Every time i look at my spouse i see her with "him" it disgusts me beyond belief, who would want see with that vision.
@JennyBarrios 14 күн бұрын
Thanks for this affirmation. It has been 5 years since Dday and I am still taken aback with a wave of sadness and resentment. Is that ok?😢
@KeyserTheRedBeard 14 күн бұрын
Incredible video, Affair Recovery. Looking forward to seeing your next upload. I smashed the thumbs up button on your content. Keep up the fantastic work! Your insights on managing emotions during the holidays are so valuable. Have you found any particular self-care practices that resonate most with people during this challenging time?
@ENONGENE31 14 күн бұрын
It's two years now since I found out the infidelity and it feels like yesterday. The pain just can't go away.
@garyr9580 14 күн бұрын
Been lost most my life, brain damaged by betrayal trauma disorder 1986........ Dozens of betrayal trauma disorder occurrences......
@julyrose1026 14 күн бұрын
This is the best video I have watched. It is hopeful. Thank you for sharing.
@eileenchuck 14 күн бұрын
Thank you Wayne. A lot to think about.
@gebronthomasson6960 15 күн бұрын
and its trying to control the narrative
@audioadhd 15 күн бұрын
I only know one person who cheated and is actually remorseful. She admits exploding her family and causing a divorce is of her own doing. From now to Infinity, she has to face her kids, knowing what she did to them. She's asked to remarry her husband several times and he stands his ground. He stand on that when women cheat they develop a whole relationship before the sex. If they cheat, they should go to their AP 's house to live.
@audioadhd 15 күн бұрын
Any input on Bipolar Disorder? Y'all are such great teachers! Although I've not had an affair, much of your technique is extremely relevant. The "flooding" is familiar because it happens when episodic, especially in mixed episodes. I am also here to learn how to be accountable because I have caused a lot of destruction and pain. She's a Saint for putting up wth it for 25 years. I got diagnosed this year, got on meds, my wife is shocked at the difference in me.
@audioadhd 15 күн бұрын
All the hoops husbands have to jump through, just to have starfish sex, and for nearly 30 years, she gave her best performances to multiple partners to keep them, but not keep her husband.
@christopherdavid1561 15 күн бұрын
Thank u for this! I am currently dating a divorcee and I couldn’t understand how she was okay with basically being her ex husband’s “side chick” for two years after he divorced her and married the new girl. I tho k it’s cuz she was hoping he’d just come back??
@waynepotter9573 15 күн бұрын
This is exactly where I am at! My wife ended her affair 6+ years ago, but it lasted for 5-6 years prior to that. She feels like she’s already moved on from it. Unfortunately she started two other sexting relationships, a couple of months ago trying to deal with the shame. That’s how I discovered it.
@itschrisjay 16 күн бұрын
This is immensely helpful. I'm the unfaithful and I do have trauma but I'm in therapy. I didn't realize I was doing this and opening the wounds over and over. Lord help me. This isn't who I want to be and never could see this. Thank you!
@itschrisjay 16 күн бұрын
This was immensely helpful. I'm the wayward. I can't tell you how remorseful I am for how I hurt and destroyed my spouse's world. I'm in therapy now, reading, watching videos, getting coached. I want to be a better man and husband. I see the domino effect has had not just on my spouse, but on my family. It destabilizes a family. Not only has my wife not deserved it, but neither have my children. I will be a better man.
@StrongArm0351 16 күн бұрын
What about when you are male and the betrayed? What about when your wife is the unfaithful, dishonest, and in denial? It seems like an endless stream of telling men that they're wrong when some of us were faithful, loyal, trustworthy and also betrayed.
@gebronthomasson6960 16 күн бұрын
if two years in they are still struggling with the affair partner.. they don’t love you in the true sense of the word
@gebronthomasson6960 16 күн бұрын
should not have the “defining moment “ been the discovery??
@NikolaiAlexanderWestall 16 күн бұрын
Should I tell the man that his girlfriend cheated on him with me and still cheats with someone else? Or should I keep quit? The affair is over. I am really hurt and damaged actually. I really don´t know. I feel handcuffed, angry. She sold me on believing in us and that he/him is her room mate. I didn´t want to say no at a certain point. I fell in love. But it was dumb. What do I do? I also feel very angry about her.
@NikolaiAlexanderWestall 16 күн бұрын
I did wrong by engaging in this. I want to own up. I want to get past it. But I feel so much shame especially what the past 8 month done to me. The affair lasted from December to April. It still bugs me.
@Sofamily7 16 күн бұрын
Why on earth would I want to leave my mate if I lost goal weight? If people are scared they are gonna loose mate if they dont loose wight, yes bigger issues, however you gotta love their hearts and understand their insecurities that brought them to this conclusion. Hopefully they aren't as superficial as the mate.
@AffairrecoveryLLC 16 күн бұрын
It's important to remember that our worth as a person is not defined by our weight. If my motivation for losing weight is based on another person's feelings, the moment that I sense that the person is not changing their feelings even though I am making progress in my weight loss, I will retaliate by eating and going back to the behavior that got me there in the first place. I would question if my effort and pain to make my mate happy is worth it and I would give up. You said it, if your partner is threatening to leave you because of your weight, that's a red flag.
@Beth-AnneLye 17 күн бұрын
Sam, I luv your videos they have helped me as a betrayed spouse, and I appreciate your work. My questions is this, when you discuss confronting an unfaithful spruce, by a professional, those who are avoidant behaviors will not fight, these folks Shut Down, disengage and actually choose to disappear. As if buried in a deep place. My Avoidant ghosts and ignores the professional work, we called it home work. For me this feels unsafe. So some unfaithfully do not rage, they turn their anger towards their interior, while also ghosting, literally disappearing from their beloved betrayed spices creating oh so much more pain. What to do under these circumstances???
@AffairrecoveryLLC 16 күн бұрын
It's understandable that you feel unsafe and abandoned when your unfaithful partner ghosts you instead of facing the consequences of their actions. It's important to remember that their behavior is not about you or your worth. It's about their own insecurities and fear of confrontation. They may be hoping that by avoiding you, the pain will eventually go away. Unfortunately, this is not a healthy or productive way to deal with the situation. It's important to find a way to communicate with your partner, even if it is difficult. In the meantime, it is important to focus on your own healing and well-being. This may involve talking to friends and family, journaling, or engaging in other activities that help you to process your emotions. Remember, you are not alone. There are many people who have gone through similar experiences. Please check out our Harboring Hope program www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd ne mad." That should have been your gut telling you what you were doing was a betrayal.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
Denying your reality is gaslighting and it's emotional abuse.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
I want him to feel my level pf pain so he understands the pain he put me through.😢
@AffairrecoveryLLC 16 күн бұрын
I understand your desire to make your partner understand the pain they caused you. However, it is important to remember that you cannot control their emotions or reactions. The best thing you can do is focus on your own healing and well-being. Please email us or call us, we would love to connect you with one of our volunteer alumni (intake specialists), they may be able to guide based on their journey to healing and how our programs could help. Email [email protected] or call 1-888-527-2367
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
I get "you keep bringing it up, just get over it or move on." No empathy, no remorse.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
I'm guessing the cheaters that won't do the work are narcissists.
@manyblessings917 17 күн бұрын
Revenge? I am not looking for revenge; I just want the truth.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
I don't trust anyone anymore. They don't care about the damage they do. Selfish human beings.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
My boyfriend had his ex on speed dial our entire relationship. He said "she's my bestfriend, we just get each other and she will always be there for me of you are not." But, I'm not supposed to feel threatened right?🙄 He hid is communication with her from me.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
Our world was torn apart, nothing changed for them because they knew what was going on all along. It's all new information to us.😢
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
They cheated because they are selfish.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
Its so selfish to do this to another human being.😢
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
You owe the betrayed partner complete transparency otherwise you can't move on. How can I move past it if I dont know the whole truth? You dont get "credit" for a situation you created. Ugh.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
It comes down to empathy. Thats the difference between a cheater and non cheater.
@L.RaeHoldt 17 күн бұрын
They dont care.... That's why.
@shannoncaines1482 17 күн бұрын
Thank you...😢😢
@charleysloan9423 17 күн бұрын
This would be much more effective coming from a betrayed spouse. How dare this cheater try to tell betrayed spouses about boundaries!!
@AffairrecoveryLLC 16 күн бұрын
It can be frustrating and infuriating to hear advice from someone who caused so much pain, we get it. At Affair Recovery, we believe in the power of healing for BOTH spouses. My own journey after my affair included facing my mistakes and learning how to help others. Here is an article from our Therapist that may help www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/proper-use-of-boundaries-in-marriage
@timothysturgess5985 18 күн бұрын
Women dont cheat down, they cheat with a man who sees them, and a man who will make them feel desired. Women like it when a man makes her feel good about herself. Men cheat because they are entitled they are self centered, and they have no sence or self control. Men cheat because they want to collect women and want to be made to feel like they deserve attention for doing the bare minimum. Men cheat down because they are easier and theu wont hold him accountable like the wife, women cheat because it offers the illusion of being delighted in.
@timothysturgess5985 18 күн бұрын
The answer I was given was... "I was board and i wanted something diffrent, plus I knew you trusted me so I could get away with it".
@mygoodnessdarlin 18 күн бұрын
He is wildly wrong about how long the excruciating pain lasts for the victim spouse and the victim children. It lasts forever. Years and years and years. It does not end for the victims. He is completely wrong and speaking from the view of the abuser.
@gameofyou1 18 күн бұрын
I think if I live to be 1,000, I’ll still never get over this unforgivable betrayal.
@cynthiadelgado1317 19 күн бұрын
My wayward spouse doesn’t suffer as much as I do, the betrayed spouse! He’s always offended, because according to him he’s so sorry, that he’ll never do it again!!! I’ve had about 4 D days! I guess he doesn’t get it and I’m really stupid for being hopeful about his recovery. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge!!
@Christopher416 20 күн бұрын
Great topic and guest! We need to see more of this topic!
@donavedisian8317 20 күн бұрын
My wife had a 8 month affair with someone in our “friend” group. Married man. This happened 16 years ago. She confessed it about 6 months ago. We have been married 27 years. I have stayed because I love her and I “thought” we had built a life together. But the covenant of the marriage is broken. We have gone to counseling with our pastor. It helps temporarily. But like many have said on here I am dead inside and heartbroken. I have daily triggers. I don’t believe time will fix it. The choice is do you continue with something that will always be there hurting or move on thinking the pain will be gone? I don’t really know…
@karinhamman1756 20 күн бұрын
Wow . The problem is they don't admit anything.!!
@gebronthomasson6960 20 күн бұрын
and remember how much time and effort put into the affair..so not an excuse
@julyrose1026 21 күн бұрын
What should be the motivation? And can you post a link to the video?
@AffairrecoveryLLC 21 күн бұрын
www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/healing-after-affair-relapse-prevention
@tessenieto2661 17 күн бұрын
I think it's for themselves. To be a better person for themselves not somebody else. Not even their bs.
@blazerprophet 21 күн бұрын
It's hard to motivate oneself when they are the betrayed. Their heart and soul have been destroyed by the one person they loved and trusted. And now they have to find motivation to stay in such a marriage. I think the betrayer has to be motivated to change and prove to their betrayed should stay. And then maybe the betrayed could start to find some semblance of motivation.
@AffairrecoveryLLC 19 күн бұрын
It's understandable to feel your motivation drain away after betrayal. It's like the rug's been pulled out from under you. Remember that healing and finding motivation is a process, not a destination. It's okay to take things one day at a time. Focus on self-care and small victories. We have resources to help you tap into that inner strength. Our Harboring Hope course, designed specifically for hurt spouses, provides tools and support to navigate this difficult time. You can find more information at www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope. Remember, you're not alone.
@ItSureIsADay 21 күн бұрын
too real. it's really disappointing to put so much work and effort into the relationship and my partner as a betrayed, only to receive the bare minimum from my waywarm and have to clap for it. i see that the motivation is to make me happy, not to change. pretty soul crushing to realize