Everything you've just said is totally coherent within the ego thought system - ie from the illusory perspective of a non-existent separate self, an ego. However, as you continue your study of the Course and practice of forgiveness, you realise you're being asked to reject that entire thought system in the Holy Instant of forgiveness - to have your identity shift. "In the holy instant it is understood that the past is gone, and with its passing the drive for vengeance has been uprooted and has disappeared. The stillness and the peace of now enfold you in perfect gentleness. Everything is gone except the truth." T-16.VII.6. From this Stillness, you will know what you need to know when you need to know it - not a moment before or a moment after. It will have nothing to do with past learning whatever and nothing to do with thinking and analysis. "I do not know what anything, including this, means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not use my own past learning as the light to guide me now.s By this refusal to attempt to teach yourself what you do not know, the Guide Whom God has given you will speak to you. He will take His rightful place in your awareness the instant you abandon it, and offer it to Him." T-14.XI.6.