10,000 negative pieces of feedback for ADHD people

[@misswilwarin8829]

Whenever someone says something nice to me, I can't help but think they're wrong and tell them something bad about myself.

[@dameztoy1657]

It's funny because I have compassion and empathy for everyone but me

[@holleighlordel1575]

Same.

[@jennifercartwright2360]

Totally get that!

[@catpoke9557]

My therapist gave me a trick for that. You're never mean to anyone else because they don't deserve to be called names. And neither do you. Never say something about yourself that you wouldn't say about someone else. Before you say something about yourself, consider whether or not you'd say it about a friend. If the answer is no, then you're being mean to yourself.

[@StormsofPeril]

Haha, same!

[@rainbowpheanix]

@@catpoke9557man i wish i could implement this 100% instantly so i never ever again say incredibly mean things to myself i would never ever say to another person.

[@ruthg8799]

Just today a psychologist I work with (I’m in healthcare) casually jabs at my executive dysfunction as I run back into work last minute to retrieve my laptop charger before the building closes “if it’s not her charger it’s her phone, if it’s not her phone it’s her keys”. I’m in my 30s and this negative feedback still negs. Gotta love adhd resilience though as it negs a lot less now that I’m more accepting of myself…

[@tazziegee8479]

well that is one psychologist I would not be recommending to anyone!

[@pjp9383]

Love and support to you! And also, a friendly suggestion? Extra chargers in the places you most commonly need them! Life changing!

[@KaoXoni]

When it comes to keys; Forget about rummaging through counltless pockets and bags. Skip it forever. Put a carabiner clip on your keys and, once for all, sow a small piece of shoe lace into the top part of the main compartment of every new or pre-existing backpack or handbag or tote or messenger bag or gym bag or whatever kind of container(s) you will end up temporally using as your main carry-on on one occasion or the other. Place your keys there and only there whenever you are on the go. Before leaving, just shake the bag lightly to find out immediately If the keys are already inside where you need them next or if you have to shake up the luggage of your previous journey to find them. No need to even open the bag for an answer, let alone for scrambling and groping through any bag's contents to hopefully find them at the bottom. Real gamechanger for me, invented about 17 years ahead of my late ADHD diagnosis. The time I no longer had to on repetitive worrying and raiding must have amounted to months in the 30 jears since I applied that one change.

[@erischaos]

Well, if it's not their compassion, it's their empathy. 😒That psychologist just needs to have a little more discipline or self control to remember those things, eh?

[@Creoles.nature]

I also worked with a psychologist that made fun of me all day saying that I was overly friendly too fast with coworkers because I called our receptionist Anna banana but he didn't even know I knew her since highschool and the guy in mailroom was going through depression so I was cheering him up with random cheers because it made him smile.....so e of those psychologists are pretty uppity unfortunately. . On another note though I keep a string with little sticky notes attached to it they're permanent they're stuck together and each one has what I need to make sure I bring home on each one that way I can just pull through the string and collect as I go until I get to the end of the string and then I know I have everything I'm sure I look 😜 silly

[@TopcatsLair]

I have a trigger from childhood that still gets me, being called slow. I'm 39 and only just discovering i wasn't slow, I was distracted!

[@wonderwend1]

I'm 50. I was diagnosed yesterday. I am grieving for the punishment I have given myself for stuff that wasn't within my control

[@lizr9894]

I’m 63, was diagnosed at 48. After attending my son’s ADHD therapy sessions his therapist turned to me one day and asked if I had been diagnosed yet and suggested I get evaluated. It blew my mind bc I hadn’t ever considered it. My difficulties in life were just character flaws that my family and friends had to tolerate and we all “joked” about. The day I was diagnosed in 2007, I called family and friends to tell them, “So, this explains why some things take me so long (I’m not slow) why I’m usually late (not inconsiderate) and disorganized (not scatter-brained)! I’m still struggling with it, but getting a dx helped me understand and accept myself better, learn to forgive myself more and stand up for myself.

[@tammyg3984]

This is also a part of cptsd. Complex PTSD. Childhood trauma.

[@ZaynahZihoa]

Coupled with abuse and emotional neglect and are just like "Oh just let go of the past". A flower cannot let go of the pot it's growing in, it has to be repotted. Stop blaming the flower for not blooming.

[@kolt4d559]

That's a really beautiful analogy

[@Tichaba124]

Great, great analogy!

[@classy2329]

As a grown man who has pretended to be tough his entire life. Thank you i was diagnosed as a child but my parents didn't tell me until after i already failed out of two colleges because they "didn't want me to use it as an excuse" you posting it makes you tougher than I'll ever be

[@targaghjj]

I hate your parents.

[@jimi6472]

thats really sucks, your parents should not do this.

[@a-ms9760]

That's such bad judgment on their part

[@veronical3135]

They made a huge mistake, you would have learned how to cope and strategize better if you knew. Forgive them, they thought it was the best option.

[@klarisakivlin9433]

I'm sorry they did that to you. It was so wrong of them! I hope you are now feeling better in yourself. I know the feeling of failing out. I did that twice too. I kept trying and thinking something was wrong with me. If I had of got the support I needed I could have graduated. All that to say, I understand

[@axelbezzi]

Trying to follow both spoken/written words at the same time: the struggle is real...

[@everyonesalama4447]

Love this, so true. Absolutely love yourself no matter what, if you're in bed all day, if your watching 'too much' KZbin, if your not following through with plans, if you don't feel enough....love yourself, no matter what xxx

[@janetmesserschmidt5888]

thank you, its good to hear someone who seems so cool but has the same problems i do.

[@Startleftendright]

Also the instant 'dislike' people have for some of us. Without even conversing, people instantly say they don't like you, you're too much but yet you're too miserable, you're reactions are embarrassing but then you're dull when you don't react. You can't ever win and you merge into adulthood very passive of people because you expect criticism all the time.

[@bonessasan]

"What have I forgotten? What task or what important detail(s)?" That's probably a nearly constant program running in the back of my mind, the volume just changes depending on what I'm doing.

[@itsbecca]

A couple months ago I went on a trip with my boyfriend. As we were heading to the airport ,I said the thing I always say before flights, "Okay. What would be the WORST thing to have forgotten? ... Passports." To my boyfriend: "Do you have your passport?" He replied, "What are you talking about. Of course. I packed my passport in my backpack." -- "You aren't even going to check???" -- " I don't have to check, I know that's where it is." I was shocked. I sat there a moment then finally said, "Okay... but... can you show me so my anxiety can go down?" 🥺🥺

[@TheBrandiElizabeth]

😢 This has a lot to do with why I so often feel inexplicably emotional and avoidant. I just felt this so deeply.

[@dasdenkenland]

This is a beautiful video. Thank you. I’m early 50’s, just diagnosed with ADHD. I identify so much with what you say could be part of one’s history. I am trying to learn to be kinder to myself. Thank you again.🥲

[@debrandw246]

That is exactly what happened to me. Thank you. I am trying to be kindervto myself. But I dont feel like I deserve it. Still. Its so difficult. My home life was very abusive. Thank you for these great videos. You have helped me so much.

[@a-ms9760]

Being repeatedly told you're useless by your own mother. After the first couple of years the stings become scar tissue and it gets easier to deal with but you'll never be the same again.

[@ChrisHarrison_uk]

❤😢 This rings true, at 48 (this year) I was diagnosed. Decades of being told everyone else is the same, and wondering how everyone is coping with the same chaos certainly made me feel worthless as a human and led to some very dark times. "A pretty OK human being" hits the spot. Just accepting that I'm different and having that validated is a huge weight lifted. I'm still at the beginning of my journey but to all those struggling, I wish you all some peace and happiness when dealing with your super powers. 🙏 Thank you so much for all the content produced ❤

[@JenWren4]

AMEN! I literally just came home from a psychology appointment and my doctor told me that I need to be kinder to myself. And then I open this. But how is it possible to be kinder to yourself when you feel like everything you do as a failure. I feel like that's an impossible task! Especially because I feel like my own worst enemy! When I screw up no one can be harder on me then me.

[@Marty656]

I’m in the same boat, everyone was telling me I was too hard on myself and that I need to be kinder and it just added intense shame that I didn’t know how. The thing is, you can tell yourself all the beautiful things but if you don’t believe them, it’s not going to work imo. When all you hear in childhood is criticism, of course it’s going to impact how you view and talk to yourself, even as an adult. What helped me a lot with this was writing a letter to my child self. I did it with no expectations but thinking I’ve got nothing to loose. Just started writing to see what comes up. It was so incredibly cathartic and made a real difference in seeing myself in a more positive way. I told her about her life, offered forgiveness for mistakes, told her all about the good things. I did this a few months ago and I still catch myself in the negative self talk sometimes but when I do, I imagine little me and I immediately shift the tone, have more understanding and say to myself that it’s ok, no one is perfect / everyone makes mistakes and I believe it.

[@JenWren4]

@@Marty656 thank you for that! That's a great idea.

[@Marty656]

@@JenWren4 I really hope it helps you as much as it helped me ☺️ have a lot of tissues nearby!

[@clarewillison9379]

When you screw up let yourself off the hook. Say, ‘oh poop’ and remind yourself it just proves you’re human (no human is perfect). Remind yourself that you did the best you could in the moment and didn’t screw up on purpose to hurt yourself or anyone else (and if you did, well you were successful so what’s the problem?! 😉). Remind yourself it might be a sign that you were pushing yourself past your limits and maybe you need a break for food, drink, sleep, a walk, a bath, making, baking, dancing, weeping, watching tv, whatever it takes, to recreate and renew you. I think that’s how to be kind to yourself. Do to yourself what you’d do or suggest to someone you care deeply about. You’re okay. And it’s okay to not be okay. That’s normal too. 💖💝💖

[@Smurfageful]

I think fake it until you make it. Like surrounding yourself with good people and forcing yourself to hang out even if you think you're not welcome. Or inviting them out

[@travisnobleart]

No no, without all that I wouldn't have this grueling perfectionism that allows me to create the most perfect pieces of art. I can't finish any of them, but imagine if I did...

[@tazziegee8479]

they are in your mind finished and I sincerely hope one day you will complete one..

[@janedoex1398]

NO...DON'T MAKE ME CRY, DON'T....ugh. 🥺😞

[@aliceangl3563]

Oh look, it's how I feel about my writing

[@travisnobleart]

@@aliceangl3563 If you are a writer, you must keep at it or else reality will catch up to you. That's what happened to me, and then I became an artist.

[@Bananas904]

Not me with 40,000 unfinished knitting and crochet projects.

[@erichaines1333]

57 years and just starting to figure it out. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and compassionate words of encouragement.

[@StevelaFrench]

Most of my family has treated me like shit since I can remember but that's OK, it means a lot of funerals I won't attend.

[@europeangardenflower9812]

The constant negativity from my parents and teachers killed my selfesteem. Nearly 50 and still trying to glue the pieces. I just can't get the 'I'm not good enough' voice in my head to shut up.

[@Jay-ql4gp]

I'm always waiting for someone to tell/yell at me for doing something wrong. I have PTSD and one of the ways that shows up is when I break or spill something. Because my parents just jump scared me by shrieking "NOOOO!" in my ear like if they screamed hard enough time would go in reverse and whatever I'd broken would be made whole.

[@severeign2987]

2 days ago at the age of 52 I was assessed and diagnosed with ADHD. Looking back over half a century of wondering why I wasn’t like the people around me so much of the life I’ve lived now makes sense. Thanks to you and all the other ADHD channels out there for getting the word out there that our brains were born this way

[@AdamNPDSurvivor]

I would just like to add a comment if I may. I say absolutely nothing negative whatsoever. I love this channel. I have been watching you for several weeks and love everything you publish because I relate to so much. I have a trauma brain for sure. I am torn between do I have CPTSD or ADHD or a combination of both. I was raised by a narcissist Father / co-dependent Mother and then married a narcissist wife for 22 years. I am 3.5yrs free of abuse. I am 51. The point I want to raise is, Co-dependents and ADHDers both suffer with low self esteem and low self worth due to negative programming through childhood. I am seeking medical assistance for a formal diagnosis but want people to be aware of the cross over between ADHD and CPTSD.

[@skbrickmeister]

@AdamNPDSurvivor I found Codependents Anonymous 2 years ago. Trying to do the work and struggling when I finally get diagnosed with ADHD. I've been wondering about an overlap.

[@squigglydickley1851]

The impossibility of achieving perfection is an overlap. Can never do stuff right in either situation. Also anxiety as a coping/survival mechanism.

[@llc1976]

This makes me teary eyed. I was made fun of and called spacey and irresponsible 😢

[@Ms.MidWestMess]

I know it doesn’t really matter, but I overdosed this month due to the complete lack of anything good in my life. It’s literally a dumpster fire. Then I came across your channel. I’ve never felt so understood in my life. I’ve spent 25 years (since I was 15) on my own. I’ve never been understood, let alone loved for being neurodivergent. Even in my 40s people still treat me quite negatively. I wonder if anyone will accept me for me. As much as I doubt it, seeing your videos makes me feel not alone and that in itself is priceless. So thank you. Thank you so much. ❤

[@jamiecampbell2637]

❤wishing you well.

[@Ms.MidWestMess]

@@jamiecampbell2637Tysm. I’m trying as hard as I can.

[@セラフィナ]

I am so glad you covered this topic, not many people can understand how we function or how are mentality is, all we ever wanted was patience and understanding.

[@happytrails.]

I don't feel safe being kinder to myself, if I let down my guard, someone else will kick me down. It hurts a lot more when you're not braced for it.

[@bevw611]

I can’t stop crying! I’ve been around other people with ADHD but you have consistently been someone who is like speaking from my brain!! I’ve been destroyed because of this! It’s what I alway say- I was a square peg trying to fit into a circle world and am still getting punished for not doing it till this very day and I’m in my 40’s! Thank you thank you for expressing what I can’t!!!!❤

[@KimberlyS7997]

I’m 44 and feel the exact same way. What Roxane said brought back a whole slew of memories that made me cry. We really are square pegs! The rest of the the world doesn’t quite get us yet, but it does feel good to know that there are other square pegs out there who do!

[@bevw611]

@@KimberlyS7997I really really wish everyone could even try to not dismiss our experiences because they don’t understand it! At our age and probably still, women weren’t diagnosed. Ironically I used to get kicked out of class for taking to much, aka disrupting the class and was late every day and would get soo many detentions. They would diagnose boys because they were being disruptive. What was I doing?! Soooo many of my mental issues surround this! The thing is our handicap is not visible so so it doesn’t exist for other people. Ugh ugh ugh!!!! We need to start a revolution! 😂

[@melissablake5157]

@@KimberlyS7997 40 SUCKS!! Fifty it feels like you can start owning it and we got good resources now💜💜💜

[@mamakat3.14]

​@@KimberlyS7997"square pegs" that was a great show! lol

[@turntablez504]

❤❤❤

[@richardlongmore9301]

Great advice. ! I always wondered what it would feel like to let myself of the hook and stop hating myself so intensely

[@alyssaf1285]

In addition to the message in this video, I also love how they did the captions! Unlike most other captions I see, these are in single words instead of sentences. That makes it much easier for me to follow her words, so I'm not rushing to finish the sentence and afraid I'll miss a word. I never realized before, that having the captions in sentences makes it harder for me because I'm rushing to finish the sentence, which also means I'm probably reading quicker than they're talking, which render the captions basically useless to me.

[@MsJazbren]

lol. I like captions when I need them, but hate single word ones most of the time. I find captions most irritating when they're there, but I literally don't need them because I can hear the dialogue, but the timing is off, because then I find myself trying to time my eyes and ears. I think this is why I didn't like listening to other kids reading out loud. If I hadn't constantly been asked to 'follow along' in the book, so I 'knew where we were up to' when it was my turn, it might have been less annoying. I mind less and less these days though. I have three inattentive adhders in my home, my daughter, son, and me, and it's a hell of a balancing act just between us three. I don't really blame the 'education system' for being unable to tailor itself to cater for individual needs, because I've tried doing that, and it's REALLY not that simple.

[@aliceangl3563]

Im fairly sure it was much higher for me. My Mom despised my Symptoms, and would punish me for showing any sign that I had AuDHD, basically for not satisfactorially preforming a display of masking, but she expected me to do it at all times. Nowadays I refuse to mask when I dont have to, the alternative is stressful and exhausting

[@idgaf-im-happy]

Yup. It was always about fixing me. Never about helping me flourish emotionally. Heavily drugged.

[@borleyboo5613]

I was constantly being told I ‘could do better’ or, ‘doesn’t know the meaning of the word work’ or ‘works in fits and starts’. I was always different, did things different, hated rules, thought and spoke different. And when the other kids were creeping around the teachers, I stayed back. I didn’t conform, and I questioned many things. And for that, I was shunned and disliked by the ‘popular’ girls. I was different and have been all my life. I’m 67 now, and I STILL question everything and refuse to conform. 😮

[@tazziegee8479]

You go and keep on questioning and not conforming/.

[@clarewillison9379]

Solidarity from this 62-year old misfit x 💖

[@tanyasharadamba1264]

Please talk about paper clutter, piles & organizing ❤

[@rusticitas]

Absolutely. And feeling that you cannot trust your feelings, thoughts, opinions, judgements, choices, … gee, why is our self-esteem flushed down the loo 10x/day everyday. Why do we dismiss, ignore, or qualify compliments, rewards, or recognition?

[@cowgirl23jlm]

By the time I was 11, my school had screened me, flagged me as having low self-esteem, and were offering a free, in-school program for kids with low self-esteem. I was so ashamed, I didn't even go. Not even to the first meeting. I have no idea if my parents knew, and if they did, they sure didn't support it. What's worse? Not knowing, or not caring?

[@wolfdreams2000]

THANK YOU 💜

[@amjPeace]

What you said about living happily with your shoulders back really touched me. I was constantly told to put my shoulders back as a child. I see now that my poor posture was due to putting myself in a self-protecting position because I did feel defective and under attack. It has taken a lot of work to finally feel good about myself despite frustrating moments. Thank you.

[@plantyfan]

I first heard this from @HowtoADHD and it's still so incredibly relevant. This additional context really puts it all together.

[@kolt4d559]

Heard a prominent and beloved voice that is a fundamental part of a sports community I follow say it this way: "I'm not broken, I'm just different" (while fighting to hold back tears). It hasn't made a lot of things easier, but it has dulled the sharp edges of those negative thoughts.

[@CatDuvalNineLivesYoga]

So true! I feel sensitive to this with every dealing with my family. Especially my Dad, as any event is perceived as my doing or my fault in some way. It can be utterly demoralising.

[@nglkneeco]

Mine was kinda the opposite yet still gave me the same after effects. I was the “gifted” child, had all A’s and some B’s and always had my hand raised. Oh my lord when I hit High School that shit knocked my self esteem down. I have unrealistic expectations of myself. And nobody has even told me I’m doing it wrong yet J constantly tell myself that? (Please tell me this makes sense-)

[@holleighlordel1575]

Yes it makes perfect sense.

[@MsDeeVee]

Yes it does! I was gifted and ADHD. I always knew at some level, yet I had a diagnostic a few weeks ago at 59. In late 70’s and early 80’s it was only the disruptive boys with bad grades that got attention. A rambuctious, original yet straight A girl was deemed too intelligent. They tought I would grow out of my weirdness. I never did. I overcompensated my whole adult life. I managed to have 3 diplomas and a carreer in 2 highly stressful fields, I have a lot of support with family and friends. Yet I always had difficulty maintaining long term relationship with a significant other and did not have kids. I do not regret my life but I bear the years of misunderstandings and rushed judgements from people who only saw either the disruption or the high-functionning professional, not the woman behind the facade. I had to fight all the time to get it right, to not be too much, too loud, too emotional. This is a constant struggle. I manage but sometimes I feel tired.

[@i_m_ryn]

I agree, and especially when you are a late diagnosed women of color living under patriarchy and queer! I have been diagnosed with ADHD, autism and severe anxiety in my late thirties 7 months ago and I am just starting to unpack and deconstruct years of abuse and negative feedbacks...

[@tazziegee8479]

hugs be patient, and kind to yourself as you begin this and lovely to find you are not alone I hope

[@RichardL.1453]

I wasn't diagnosed with (ADHD/PTSD/severe depression/ suicidal ideation) until I was 29, that was last year. Even though I suffered with ADHD/ depression and suicidal ideation since very early childhood from constant bullying and physical abuse on a daily basis. Every doctor or friend or family member I told just always had the same responses. "MAN UP", "You'll grow out of it" "all boys are like this," "you just need to try harder"

[@angieM1]

You are so true about this. That's how I felt when I was growing up because I wasn't diagnosed at the time. So you build in your mind that you're not a functional person, and that you are worthless. It wasn't till I went to therapy that I could understand how my brain works and what to do about it.

[@helenalford2831]

I wish the Internet and all this information had been around for me when I was young. After a lifetime of addiction which I barely survived I'm trying to heal and all my life I thought I was deficient, wrong and worthless. If I had known about adhd 20 years ago my life might have looked a lot different. You are doing really good work, if it wasn't for your channel I wouldn't have even looked into this.

[@Museofmemory]

Bought your book the day I was diagnosed and read it the next day with my partner. It was just lovely. He could ask me questions about the things we read, see which of the bits I really struggle with and which parts I've learned to cope with. It was such a nice moment.

[@skbrickmeister]

Kinda wish this was a short so it would automatically loop around until I can get your message to internalize.

[@the_jukeproject]

you guys are saving my daughter. because of your videos, I have been able to really connect with her. you guys are amazing. much love

[@lisa_wistfulone7957]

Side note: That lovely little ADHD friendly visual effect of the Purple Hearts and tracking bar at the top of the video!! It really touched my heart, almost as much as your words. It’s such a kind and thoughtful touch, like it enfolded your encouragement in 💜Love💜, from start to finish!! Thank you for sharing so much with us!!!💝💖💝

[@alexandralawton3533]

I changed the negative patterning in my head, in my fortes, I'm now 65 and very positive

[@gingerauburnredhead8034]

Thank you, I am finding it hard to shake those internal “Not good enough” scripts I’ve always used, I think I’ll need to watch this every day for a few years before it FEELS true, that I deserve to be kind to myself. Thanks for giving this beautiful gift; this video and channel are helping me learn and heal. Thank you!

[@tommysimpson6662]

You are good enough!

[@michellecobb8403]

I completely understand. I can tell myself anything, but I won't be able to stop the negative thoughts until someone else gives me validation. Only then will that nasty voice shut up! Not having anyone to turn to because they don't or won't try to understand makes it difficult to get that validation. These videos and the people in the comments help some.

[@MaskedTearZ]

Thank you for this piece of wisedom!

[@lynettecockburn332]

I'm 55. You have explained to me why I have never quite fit in. I'm off to learn self love now. Thank you!

[@tazziegee8479]

60 and diagnosed this year. snap..self love equates to self care too. I have learnt that and its been liberating. wishing you the discovery of how beautiful you are

[@Smurfageful]

​@@tazziegee8479thanks for that I needed tips

[@RachelLara]

I love the honest emotion in your voice here. Can relate.

[@jamescharlton924]

My mental health is shot from my childhood at school.

[@Solitude11-11]

Same. 😢

[@musickf]

My therapist told me recently I needed to be "nice to yourself". Your video gave me a completely different perspective on what she said. Besides the negative, intrusive thoughts I deal with daily, I'm working on becoming who I really am, not what society or my friends want me to be. Because, to me, being kind to myself was just allowing to be more forgiving to myself. I screw something up? It's ok, nothing serious, it can be fixed. I'm a perfectionist at heart, because of my ADHD, and so one of the things I've allowed myself is to have imperfections in my songs and recordings. If I allowed the perfectionist in me to take over, I'd still be working on recording my first song, whereas I've already recorded 2 and have 2 more I'm working on. I've switched my main instrument from guitar to bass, too, because it feels more natural. Before, I always took pride in being a "guitar player", but I never picked it up. Since starting my ADHD meds and letting go of expectations, I've played bass almost every day for at least 10 minutes, sometimes hours, and it feels amazing. Thank you for your channel. It's like taking a look inside my self and seeing what I deal with through someone else, and knowing I'm not alone.

[@DawnDavidson]

Yay for finally starting to be yourself!

[@whatwherewho86]

Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I needed this today.

[@KanadianRaven]

That hits home. After my husband left me, a friend, in conversation, pointed out that he had always been putting me down. It had angered her. I hadn't consciously noticed because I was so used to it from my childhood.

[@chantalrochon3566]

So true, also even when you end up controlling (strict basic ) someone or event can kick you in the head and your right back to point zero again…😢

[@edwardfletcher7790]

Beautifully said, thank you ❤️👍

[@50toinfinityatleast]

100%. I have a friend who has recently started being more and more judgmental. I feel like I’m being judged for darn near everything I do. I posted on another channel that it makes me want to isolate. It’s so hard when people who get to know you will even treat you like something is wrong with you because you don’t conform to what they think is “right”. It’s very lonely. Yes, I’ve been told that I’m annoying, that I need to focus, I’m doing something “Wrong” such as peeling a tomato, etc. etc. It’s exhausting also. But you know that. Thank you so much for this channel. I’m so tired of feeling wrong deficient and broken

[@VaeyaKaebrielle]

I agree, but this is so hard!😢 it is ingrained in me.. right down to my core. I expect perfection of myself the very 1st try.. my daughter struggles with this every day too 😢 probably from watching me and then I add that guilt and shame in too

[@delphinium5555]

Same with people suffering with complex ptsd.

[@StormsofPeril]

"things that are essential to thinking that you're a pretty okay human being" my immediate thought was "what if I'm not?" self critism has been so ingrained into me that I find it hard to find things I like about myself

[@Felsenkeks]

Thanks for making this a full video on its own - makes it easier to share with people who should really see this

[@Gay_Bradbury]

I was diagnosed at 39.... it was a huge relief, but ohh man.. the regret, the "what if" drive me insane. My life might have been so much better. lol oh well.. what can ya do! ❤ keep up the great work, positivity and love

[@coffeegonewrong]

😢not sure I was ready to hear that today, but thank you for saying it out loud.

[@chooky-ii4si]

I cried, because finally someone gets it, like really gets it. I’m at the psychiatrist today saying it’s my ADHD and he’s like No it’s trauma…. I love your channel, thank you, I have no words, just picture of me giving you the biggest hug 🤗

[@Sylsaltiagoed]

Yes! Be kinder to yourself! I find it so easy to forget that and so easy to play the deficiency program in my head instead but it's a lifelong practice to cultivate self compassion isn't it? Your videos are helping!❤🎉

[@weaviejeebies]

You know it's been bad when just this little clip of being seen and understood makes you tear up. Thanks ADHDLove. Love you both right back. ❤

[@themothman3726]

I don't know if you read these but I've been following you ADHD shorts and music forever without ever making the connection. You're efforts in ADHD education is amazing and you are most certainly one of my favorite vocalists, you're albums are great. You're fantastic! Have a nice day!

[@autisticrobotdragon17]

Thank you so much for this! It’s crazy to think back to childhood and remember all the negative feedback. Feedback that is obviously still haunting me to this day. I have always felt like I’m the problem, that I fuck everything up, been an overly apologetic person, and just felt like a failure in general. Kinda had a shitty foundation to be fair, but it’s hard to not feel this way

[@marythr2617]

Could you please make some videos/series about tips to become a good parent. For example how to pay attention to your toddler, how to make sure you do not neglect your children or endanger them. tips on how to make sure adhd does not interfere with taking care of a baby properly and responsibly etc… much appreciated 🤗❤️

[@em7565]

I feel my sister singlehandedly provides 20 000 negative comments in a couple of weeks

[@Anti_Hero_Dude]

learned so much because of you. THANKS

[@joycegriffin1290]

I have always said I am a unique individual lol...when in truth I am adha( sorry I have not been diagnosed) I have just started watching you and it was like being hit with a ton of bricks lol...so much of what you have said rings true with me...and it runs through my family..my kids and niece and nephews...I am deciding whether I should go through the process my only problem is I don't like taking medication of any kind..I prefer natural remedies.. either way I thank you for the insight ❤❤

[@yugoslava6409]

Very hard topic for discussion. The truth is that we are who we are. And that we achieve less, that we do less. We have a problem keeping up with neurotipical people. We can't multitask, we get easily tired, and we lack executive function. Looking back at my younger years, I understand the frustration of my parents and my family with me. I was a smart, observant, and "normal" child just like my sibling, but I was doing and achieving less than she. It was always some drama with me while she was easy, obedient, no fuss kid. I understand even more now as I am a parent of ADHD child who resembles me so much that I get frustrated with "her flaws" that I fought against all my life to manage and overcome them. History repits, but I so hard wish it doesn't because of all what you have said and what I have said and because of all the consequences that being ADHA person comes with.

[@alexandralite835]

I was told all those things as a kid, especially saying that I'm annoying, along with loud and embarrassing. My mum and sister have actively excluded me from things because "I'm embarrassing." Just the other day, my boyfriend called me embarrassing, and so I've completely dialed back on who I am, and he doesn't like it. I've chosen to be silent and, calm and collected, kept my hands to myself. Now, all he does is ask if im okay because of these things I'm not doing. It's very clear that I do need to change unless I want to be alone for the rest of myself.

[@mysticalcat401]

You feel like whatever you do and even if you do a wonderful job at it, it’s just never enough, whether it’s cook a delicious meal or immaculately clean a room, etc. you feel like you just can’t ever do enough and do it correctly to be considered as good as others or what would be considered a “normal” standard. In reality though you’ve done a phenomenal job. You just have a hard time accepting that.

[@tiffanyvanlengen4393]

True words, Or as my 10 year old son say, "spittin' facts." I was OCD no trouble focusing my whole life, then I got pregnant. In my childhood I was praised and awarded due to my attention to detail and ability to accomplish anything. Then things really changed when I got pregnant. I told my therapist he had me all wrong when he said ADD and PTSD. 🤣😂 Yea, I did. He said, "oh? Do I?" Then it went off the rails out of control when I had my son. Now, I am constantly criticized and treated like I'm not good enough. A lot of times people don't realize they're doing it. I think when I was younger and I wasn't struggling with this I may have been guilty of it. Sometimes it's subtle and I'm only starting to realize this recently. I live in an area where it's hard to know where to go and talk to someone. It's very rural here. I really appreciate your videos.

[@bodine219]

Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever appreciated my parents more than in this moment. I was not diagnosed as a child and my parents (especially my dad) don’t really believe in it at all. But they never treated me as broken. They told me I was smart, gifted, and creative. They pushed me towards grades I wasn’t quite capable of achieving, but then told me school was hard because of those very same reasons. A couple of teachers gave me trouble in that way, but at least it didn’t come from home. They were even patient when my “why” stage never quite stopped 😂

[@traceyannsummers9819]

I have a bad habbit and this is from childhood too, but I buy to make stuff for so called friends that don't end up lasting, to keep them of side, like buying there friendship and to make up for the hassle I feel I put them through. like just the other day I went to make a mince tart for a neighbour and had two meltdowns and burnouts over it cause things went wrong and I forgot I'd left it in the over. To the point that my mum had to finish it for me. Was it worth my stress and my mums, prob not but I find myself doing it all the time. Friends never last long either way.

[@dissipatedfog]

Thanks to you and other ADHD content creators I have been able to lose so much shame about who/how I am. It’s enabled me to stand up for myself more, especially with longtime friends. It’s been an adjustment for all of us! I just refuse to play the part of the jester anymore. I lived for too many years making people laugh at my foibles so they’ll like me, always being sure to laugh when somebody mocks me even if it hurts, otherwise I’m too sensitive and people won’t want to be around me. About a year ago my oldest friend told me that I was the most tolerant person she’d ever met. I know she meant it as a compliment but it made me realize that I’d trained people in my life to treat me however they wanted by covering up when they hurt me out of fear of rejection. No wonder virtually everybody with ADHD has rejection sensitivity dysphoria - growing up receiving constant feedback that we’re annoying and frustrating really does a number on all of us.

[@holleighlordel1575]

DITTO

[@LibbyAnn026]

Good on you for drawing the line in the sand and no longer playing the part of the jester. And for the self awareness that it took to get there. I’m proud of you! Keep choosing you, keep choosing to love yourself. Cheers 🥂

[@omarsmusic4316]

This had been my entire life! People have always been saying " You still have a problem with foucussing you need to grow out of it!" Why are you so disorganized?" Or people telling me that I can never work a normal job even though I have two degrees. I actually as a kid remember thinking that I was never good enough because I struggled so much in school and all of my counsins were getting perfect grades in school and I was struggling to even pass.

[@SteigenDraak]

Thank you for this. It's nice to have that reminder that we can be so hard on ourselves. Be kind to others, but also be kind to yourselves! ❤

[@elizabethoneil4723]

These videos are very helpful thank you so much! I’m finally starting to understand myself and I don’t feel so alone anymore.

[@Prettygritty111]

Thank you 🙏 earth Angel. You are speaking facts

[@bc4198]

I wanted to break this cycle with my own parenting, since I'm very aware the damage it does - but it seems inevitable, inescapable since our impulses are so often the opposite of, well, "following the rules".

[@zachdcm722]

Thank you, you beautiful soul.

[@carolinaferraudi6903]

Fantastic video! My favorite so far! ❤ Thank you.

[@shannamarietaylor1937]

Thank you so much for normalizing this I'm sorry but you go through I've been trying to tell my doctors for 40-some years I'm not listening love you guys and your hair looks super cute❤ how is Sam doing everything and nothing at one time❤😢

[@mumsywiggly]

Made me cry 😢

[@bellaladonna]

Beautifully spoken

[@bartardo1]

I'm 53 and I was a hyper active child (I have an older brother),I was always taking things apart and being a nuisance. I would always hear grandparents saying I will end up in children's home (never did😊).bullied at school because fat and couldn't interact with others because of social anxiety and so much negativity over the years it gave me eating disorders and started self harm....ALL I WANT FROM LIFE NOW IS MUSIC ,COFFEE, A DOG AND A LOG CABIN 😊😊😊 PEACE ✌️ TO ALL WHO READ THIS ❤

[@catpoke9557]

When I was little my siblings inadvertently implied I was stupid and I think I internalized that at some point. They were teaching my TWIN sister how to play checkers. I asked if I could do it too. They said no because I wouldn't understand it. It wasn't about my age like most games, because my sister is the same age as me. So it was ME who was the problem. So stupid they wouldn't even try to teach me because they would surely fail. I've never been good at strategizing, so I never tried to do it. To this day I am not good at anything that requires strategy, and I find it super boring if something requires it. Now I wonder if I just formed a negative association with it because of that experience, and if that experience is why I suck at it so bad. Or if I genuinely am just bad at it. I think it's a mix of both. I think I was predisposed to being bad at it, and that experience made me resigned to never try to hone that skill, and also made me hate doing it. So now I'm obviously gonna be worse at it than I already was because I haven't practiced it since I was little lol

[@Star-333]

Thank you for this❤. Resonated so much.

[@debragarlock5235]

T thanks Roxanne and and to your hubby and you a very happy Christmas from Canada you've helped me a lot you're both awesome!!❤❤