10 Defensive Tactics of the Female Covert Narcissist by Lise Leblanc

[@Hairyderriere]

Lise, your first 30 seconds describes my ex-wife EXACTLY. It still shocks me just how predictable and recognisable these people are *once you have learned what to look for*.

[@davidhynd4435]

I separated from my wife of almost 32 years last November. Once you've realised what's going on you can't un-see it. And I've made exactly the same comment. It's amazing how these patterns of behaviour are the same for anyone with covert NPD. I've been watching a lot of videos by Dr. Les Carter (and others) and it's like he is speaking specifically about my wife. She has ruined my life. Isolated me from my children and almost everything that I hold dear. People tell me that it gets better. Honestly, it's very difficult to believe that at the moment.

[@sinntax]

@@davidhynd4435 It won't GET better, you will MAKE it better!

[@napsguns]

@@davidhynd4435 you will get better, she won't

[@Hairyderriere]

@davidhynd4435 I hear you. And, as you know, it really hurts to realise this and - yes - you cannot 'unsee' it or 'unhear' what they've said either. Mine has also isolated me from my children. I think it will take time. I did hear from my youngest last week for the first time since last September. It really, really hurts to realise this about my ex (after 27 years). No doubt a measure of the love I gave - and you did too.

[@illyay1337]

LOL seriously. It's very validating to hear stuff that just completely clicks.

[@jacksavage279]

Gentlemen the good lady said the key phrase " you can't win" . We will never win with them . This information is priceless. Thank you for your content.

[@goldiesincity8005]

The sad part about this, the mask comes off after your feelings are deeply involed and your gaurds are down. And its no longer easy to break the connection... its like somebody saying ... GOTCHA !!!

[@jacksavage279]

@@goldiesincity8005 True. 💯

[@firstlineofsurvival5318]

Are you sure there is no way to win?

[@clintonnagy1662]

It's never good enough and you never win. EVER. You'll never get the full truth, and the hypocrisy & contradictions are mind boggling. They never take time to reflect on the themselves and they never solve their own problems. You will find yourself in a black hole of health, & financial, ruins. Your pain is their pleasure. Promising they will be there to help you through it but nowhere to be found. They are unpredictable and inconsistent. Normal structure scares them because they despise it. They live in chaos and refuse discipline. It's a constant cycle of half truths, gossip, and anxiety. There is no fixing these people.

[@nickus51]

​@@goldiesincity8005So god damned true. They all wait until you are deeply attached and hooked, when it hurts the most.

[@ChrisPTY507]

These covert narcissist videos of yours strongly describe the behavior of my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. It’s terrifyingly similar to the point where I am now educating myself about these matters, and it surprises me how I could have fallen into that kind of rabbit hole. I also noticed that it’s easy to identify these patterns once we know about them because we can prepare accordingly. The only positive thing about having a toxic relationship with narcissists is that you learn a lot about their manipulation methods. This makes you feel more adept at detecting the same BS from potential partners in the future. Thank you for these videos. They are very educational, and I know what the obvious next steps are now that I have finally identified my girlfriend as a potential female covert narcissist.

[@evilzinabyssranger5695]

Yeah dude. A friend of mine whose i fell in love to, started with this. then i realise i got no chance, i step back to friendship and she kept and double, even triplicated the shit she was doing. Lying, manipulation, guilty tripping, silent treatment... I was thinking she was an dismissive avoident but hen i watch a video like this that put in a cronologic way the phases of a narc relation. it was SO spot on that everything made sense then i started studying the matter.

[@Lyk35]

Exactly I learned to lie better 😂😂

[@napsguns]

​@@evilzinabyssranger5695 you got the attachment style right, that's the typical one for a narc

[@johnsuggs7828]

Don't beat yourself up about not catching it. Took me 23+ years before I figured it out and that happened because after describing her behaviors someone on a support board told me I was dealing with a Covert Narc. I'd never even heard the term. Grammatically, it doesn't even make sense. Covert......and a narcissist? Doesn't go together. Doesn't make sense. But after watching literally 100s of videos like this and reading dozens of studies....no question. I'm still dealing with it. year 26

[@johnsuggs7828]

@@evanfrabell8884 he shouldn't sit her down and ask her anything. That's going to turn into a nightmare.

[@Phunker1]

13 years. She was so nice in public. Once the door closed, the innocent smile went away.

[@ericpitre4031]

Y you stay so long?? Little head making choices, like me?? I love sex i can only overlook so many flags.

[@willyjansson6340]

Typical part of their Modus Operandi.

[@YBY613MUSIC]

I dealt with it detail for detail

[@MijanIslam_M]

Ok, move on. This shouldn't be in your thoughts afterwards. Traces only.

[@sabianstringer2112]

A Narc CANNOT and Will NEVER APOLOGIZE it is NOT in Their DNA.....

[@StephenReynolds_MasterMind]

10:46 #6 There will be no apologies. 11:15 #7 Lack of Appreciation 11:28 #8 Gaslighting - Living in their own twisted version of reality 12:44 # 9 Triangulation 13:15 #10 Little Empathy Defense Mechanism - Avoidant, Dismissive, Unavailable, Unreliable, Unwilling to do the work,

[@gailrochelle788]

That would be my mother then... Nailed it

[@jw911]

When I would tell my ex that she hurt my feelings and try to talk about it, she would say that she feels attacked. She would also tell me that "this is too much." She viewed my need to be respected as an affront to her not as a healthy way to resolve a conflict.

[@BLOCSTARRENT]

Spot on

[@PotHeadDegree]

Dude that's the exact quote I get

[@arturstrauss-kennedy9329]

Damn….this hit hard af

[@UncleChud]

Dude , my eX did the same 💩❕

[@aaronpetzel4645]

10000%

[@thomasmcnamee8246]

It is crazy how accurate she is.

[@BenCullinan]

Was in a post divorce relationship like this, was married for 21 years , where l experienced all these behaviors. I was so clueless, and most of my anger is directed toward myself for enabling this behavior.

[@Hairyderriere]

You did the best you could with the knowledge you had. Forgive yourself. You're much better than you give yourself credit for.

[@AndyCiesielski]

Seriously after almost 10years of relationship with her I feel im turning into such vile person.

[@chocolatecookie8571]

Back then we didn't had the information available to us. How I wished we could go back in time with the knowledge we have now.

[@mrsherwood2599]

​@Hairyderriere life is funny. Sometimes the best advice and most compassionate perspectives come from people called "hairy derriere" 😅❤😅

[@leonora7914]

U described my ex gf so accurately.. was dating her for three months, first month was all the love bombings and then she started to pull away followed by all the disrespects and leaving me always doubting my self worth. Even then i was trying to make her happy with everything but it all went futile lol Tried to communicate with her but always ended up with arguments and silent treatments, blaming me for everything. Was so stressful and felt like i was walking on egg shells all the time

[@heyoldman2003]

i discribed it as “ living in a mine field” never knowing when the next explosion would be . it took me 40 years of pain before i said enough. in the famous words of Popeye the Sailor “ That’s all i can stands … and i can’t stands no more” wise words. i wish you well

[@jeradblazek677]

Yep, every narcissistic cycle happens like this with my woman. Just went through the rage argument last night. I was sharing with her how my retired mom is getting tired of always taking care of her 79 year old husband who should just be in a nursing home by now, and my sister's 4 kids constantly because my sister lives upstairs from my mom, so shes the daycare. My woman then made a comment of "Yea, well women are always taught to take care of men, that's the only thing society teaches them." (This is always a challenging because its coming from her deep seated belief that the patriarchy has historically and continues to keep women down). I then kneejerk retorted "Well theres plenty of men who take care of women too." Her response"Do you really want to have a fight right now?" As her demeanor got defensive, tone got abrubt, etc. Within 30 seconds I went from hero to zero with all the famous buzzwords of"always " and "never" directed at me. This isht gets so old.

[@Jojo-lg7xd]

I was surprised... It felt like she was giving exact descriptions of my ex-girlfriend...

[@heyoldman2003]

thank you Lise . oh how i wish …. oh how i wish i heard this 40 years ago . you young guys … listen to this Lady . she speaks the truth. thank you again Lise . you are helping so many

[@grahamboyce1719]

So this is officialy the most perfect description of my marriage. Thank you.

[@grahamboyce1719]

I've been learning and dealing with it for a number of years. My friend who is now a professor in psychology, first encouraged me to put this description to my wife, but in fact it's taken me time to figure out my place in the whole system. I'm on a journey, and it's ok.

[@RandallGlatt]

If she's Nark you'd be in a continous deval until next stage of discard...

[@brianmitchell8552]

My ex wife to the Tee. No one would ever believe it.

[@RandallGlatt]

@brianmitchell8552 It's called self respect. Respecting yourself and demanding others respect you as well. The most basic principle to be human. If this is so WALK away without having to state the reason. She'll respect that POWER...

[@harperlewis1526]

9:07 after 4 children, 25 years of marriage and then, my life-altering injury with chronic pain and disability she says, "You ruined my life." Her life. And repeats/confirms she wants a divorce. So much of this video is bulls-eye yet again.

[@clintonnagy1662]

My ex fits the profile. She would repeat how I ruined her fun nights out, her school year ( she is a teacher ) Ruined the whole year. 😅 Just exhausting.

[@dsadoski]

I really need to see this 12 years ago. Would have saved me a decade of my life

[@samchar8685]

Wow.... I'm sorry to hear that.. Glad you made it out bro... I also feel like that about my 2 years

[@andrewrichards188]

Same though

[@theartofwar1750]

Thank you Lise. You're amazing. Just broke up with my gf of 6 months after realizing she was a covert narcissist. I gave myself a birthday present and did it on my birthday! Lack of empathy, selective empathy, lack of equity, gaslighting, lack of appreciation for spending money, boundaries for her but not for me, triangulation (tried to turn my own family against me to achieve her objectives), dismissing my concerns, telling me that she wasn't going to change, telling me to accept her as she is or go talk to other girls (while simultaneously accusing me of cheating mind you), etc. You name it, I experienced it. Went out of my way to make her feel comfortable, even when it it cost me everything, while she went out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable, even when it didn't cost her anything. The only solution that made her happy was the one that maximized my discomfort. She did this while simultaneously telling me that she loved me. When she had boundaries, they were boundaries, but when I had boundaries, then I was "insecure and controlling". Even when she got her way and was supposed to be happy, she would manufacture conflicts out of nothing by making more demands upon me. So how did I get out? By enforcing my boundaries. I had already made a sacrifice and went against my principles but she demanded even more. It was a bridge too far, so I not only refused to budge, but refused to let her dismiss the topic. I deliberately kept discussing the topic (to get alignment) until she revealed her true self (enforcing your boundaries is like exorcising a demon) which made things really easy. I broke up with her after realizing that she no longer wanted to have an equitable relationship.

[@exholonsphantoms3617]

Having the same exact experience 💀

[@PriestMelchizedek]

Thank you for this video. Much of this describes my wife. She is using the justice system to abuse and harass me. She is trying to take everything in my life away from me. She devalued me and accused me of being a narccissist. No one thinks I am. She had an unethical counselor that told her I am a narccissist, but the truth is that she has covert narcissism and borderline personality disorder. The counselor encouraged her to divorce me and make it so I can not contact her to discuss anything. It is a tragic situation, especially for our children. I wish I could pull her out of the situation and help her.

[@sinntax]

She uses the counselor to triangulate you. She uses him to punish you. But in the end it doesn't matter, she would also use an earthworm to triangulate and humiliate you. Your feeling of wanting to help her is commendable in principle, but be aware that this is probably one of the main reasons why you are in this situation in the first place. Now is the time to use your strength and compassion for yourself. All the best!

[@Hairyderriere]

Best thing you can do is leave her, zero contact and never look back. Ever.

[@ma3alimezo82]

My man. Same here. She called me the narcissist and even our child. In fact she called him a fucking narcissist when he was 2 years old. But she lies ans d cries in family court. And I'm a man who cannot become a female so that I can talk like her and trick the court. Anything you say or do WILL BE TWISTED to accuse you of anything. I've never laid a hand in her or my son. But the marriage broke down because the covert narcissist would get her climax and never care about my needs. Then. Everything else came to light. I then find out about covert narcissist females. And I was floored! I'm going make videos with another username so that the covert cow can't see them. I will share my experiences so that at least 1 man can be aware on this planet.

[@PriestMelchizedek]

@@sinntax The triangulation point is a good one.

[@PriestMelchizedek]

I understand the sentiment about leaving and never looking back. In my case, I take my oath to my wife seriously. I will love her in sickness and in health. I think she is sick and needs the correct treatment. She is easily manipulated herself, and there would need to be some new ground rules in place. It could certainly come back to bite me again if she wants to return to me and I take her back. I'm willing to take the risk.

[@DAS2165]

OMG ! I saw this video last week and the light switch went on! I have been suffering with a wife of over 12 years .This video COMPLETELY opened my eyes and took the weight of the world off my chest !!!!!!! 9/27/24 seen this video...10/02/24 i stealthily moved out with very few assets !!!! Going from owning two houses to being homeless living in a motel at 59 years old. Thank God i have a good support system and a high paying job !!!! See divorce Attorney in a few days,,,After watching hours of your videos, you have definitely saved my life (from lack of sleep with medication also) and saved my sanity !!!!!! PLEASE keep these videos coming !!!!!! You are are definitely my savior !!!!

[@lightbourneai]

I'm experiencing same....these type of ppl are truly demonizing

[@clrblwtr962]

When I listen to you, I feel so much better! Yes, yes, yes. I had no idea what I was going through. My life fell into pleasing, fixing, tip-toeing, sacrificing, daily. But, like you are saying - never enough, and I ended up the cause of her unhappiness. Crazy - drama - victim - fear - manipulative - anger - bully

[@markmcdonald2798]

This is incredible. This is a spot on description of my ex knife. Married 22 years to this woman, 3 kids gave her the world.. I mean the world. The day come where I realized I was sick to death of the crumbs so I started setting some boundaries then like the flick of a switch I was kicked to the curb. Woke up one day happily married the BAMMM within the space of 24 hours I was no one to her, told me like you would tell the shop keeper, I don’t love you anymore. I was absolutely crushed. It’s been 18 months and I am still in complete and utter shock, taking me to the cleaners but I ain’t gonna give up. You can only push me or hurt me to a point and I don’t buckle easily but when I do god help the planet. Game on with spineless nasty witch. I’ll never back down for the love of my kids and myself. These people need to learn a lesson. ❤😂🎉😢😮😅

[@lightbourneai]

What do you do to fight?

[@Romano_33]

Im no saint in my marriage. But my wife could check every box of this The biggest disappointment in my life 😢

[@nipsy_lafett]

Same here buddy. You’re not alone

[@lightbourneai]

Agreed 👍🏾

[@Nunsense3]

You are helping a lot of people. This is simply wow at this point.

[@richardgoreilly4706]

Thank you - need to hear more about the abuse guys, like me endure. Would that I could have known 20 years ago.

[@MENTALHEALTHWITHLUKE]

Privately, behind closed doors, they're extremely anxious. The thought of going out to a party or bar or function. For days they don't want to go. But come the event, they are the life and soul. Flirting the room making you feel like a stranger of "brother". Accuse you've of being jealous when you rightly pull them up on their behaviour. But picking up something you said early in this video Lise, I'm learning the older I get, people will only do what you allow them to do.

[@cho4d]

what you said about selective amnesia, only comitting to their memory a version of events that works for them... oh my god. oh. my. god. no wonder they are so good at gaslighting. they're just saying what they have in their memory, as it's the truth to them. but it's all just make believe to fit in with their narrative. i picked this up intuitively at age 19 but she discarded me when i was close to the truth. and then i was done. left gaslighted and confused and isolated.

[@joelaustin5408]

The open of this video is a grand slam. It fits like a narcissistic glove.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

If you showed this to a female covert narcissist, she'd scream "Well if im that bad dont be with me, I'll get someone else"!! The thought would never enter her mind that she should listen accept and try to change. NEVER!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Yes, exactly… I wish I would have added that part to the video

[@RandallGlatt]

Call Narky's bluff when she does that. They bluff alot...

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@RandallGlatt youre right, I should have! I've had enough myself. Not dealing with her anymore.

[@danisafilthycasual]

That part about antagonizing questioning was EXACTLY what I experienced, especially over mundane things.

[@sandville2396]

Crazy. Every word matches my experience with a covert narcissist with sniper rifle level accuracy. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[@LightYagami_99]

This eerily describes my experience. Thank you for putting this information out there. While I don’t believe she is a malicious person, these examples you give are so spot on it’s genuinely unsettling.

[@cho4d]

dont fall for it man, they know what they are doing. you would know what you were doing if you were doing it to a girl. she knows.

[@Hairyderriere]

Yes. From the other side of the world, a kindly stranger can describe your relationship as if they wrote it. It's scary real. But it's also completely *knowable* now, by practitioners like Lise. Took me 27 years, but that lesson is thoroughly *learned*.

[@J.F611]

Truly one of the very best videos out there on the covert narcissist wife. To.a. Freaking.T !!! since I've figured out 4 months ago my wife was one after 20 years of marriage... I've watched a ton of videos on this very specific subject. Lisa hit it out of the park on this one

[@JohnAlot]

OMG! The distrust, the arguing about things that I have degrees & licenses to practice, constant insults defended as "jokes," projection, demands to live up to her expectations & when I completed everything she asked she told me I took too long.

[@wandRng]

I had a "friend", first 15 minutes of us meeting, she told a sob story of her past and I fell for it, but found it strange, something always felt off. She triangulated me with her partner, her kids, until I told her to go away, followed by a smear campaign that happened without me even knowing at the time. 2 yrs later, I learned about covert narcissim by researching and learning about parental alienation syndrome, which she is a master of. Its been 4-5 yrs since then, 100%, i believe shes a covert. Her partner is now dead (overdosed). Gratefully, Im free but continually on the alert for these types. Get out fellas or you just might end up dead. RIP, A.

[@richardgreene4570]

15:20 this, so completely describes my first marriage it’s uncanny, and every time I thought about leaving suddenly she would roll back in being ultra kind and loving again until she thought she had me back on the hook and then it was back to the same old as describing this videothis video freaked me out it was so accurate. The good news is I left the relationship and I am so happy now considering where I came from in this relationship so there is lots of hope on the other side once you escape you just have to escape.

[@napsguns]

congrats on leaving successfully

[@LonePines_]

Help - 4yrs 1 son; i cant face not being the first thing he sees in the morning and last thing he sees at night... and knowing what she is I fear for him while I'm not there to defend him from the attacks that will eventually come as they come to me

[@wizecorner2190]

Yo sir if you are able to live you can provide for your son. Read that 1 million times

[@flateric7777]

If it wasn't extremely unlikely, I'd swear you know my ex! She did or said 90% of what you mentioned. It's unbelievable how covert narcissists are so alike each other!

[@Relationships.1]

Narcissists deploy defensive tactics such as projection, denial, and blame-shifting to shield their fragile self-esteem. They deflect responsibility for their mistakes, project their flaws onto others, and adamantly deny any shortcomings. These manipulative strategies help them preserve a positive self-image while avoiding self-reflection or accountability.

[@TommyP-s9n]

Been in a relationship for seven years and everything you say it makes complete sense. Thank you.

[@jimeikner6597]

Thanks!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you!

[@MrFree006]

A short about the "No apologies"would be pretty good

[@LiseLeblanc]

Noted 😊

[@heyoldman2003]

@@LiseLeblanc or one about us old timers . and why we hung on so long . your shows are saving so many from a life of pain .. God Bless you Lise 🙏🏼

[@LiseLeblanc]

@@heyoldman2003 thank you 🙏

[@Hairyderriere]

Backpack full of grievances.

[@niclas889]

Your words are incredibly precise description and you don't know how much it heals

[@hh8982]

god i feel so heard and seen. thank you Lisa

[@31416]

You masterfully condensed so much excellent information into this one video. Thank you for sharing so much. Not surprised you got a KZbin plaque on your wall. Well deseeced. Congrats! 🎉

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you 🙏

[@Bulbaswole]

I just ended a 2 year relationship with a covert narc. I didnt know thats what she was until your videos popped up and man... its overwhelming how much clarity you bring to this. So much I was confused about. I saw the early signs and flags that came off so self centered and fake, but i ignored them due to some of the reasons you stated in your other videos, and I paid the price for it. Right now these videos are my only coping strategy to let things be and let her go. To feel understood in what i went through. Its all very fresh. Thank you for putting out this content for me and the many others who suffered through these painful relationships.

[@LiseLeblanc]

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering so much, and I hope you find healing

[@jakethejeweler3092]

Creepy part for me is I never saw one of these videos since I started watching KZbin. As soon as I couldn't ignore the red flags anymore her videos started popping up. I have all microphone permissions turned off

[@BG-gr6vc]

11 years and two newborns. Id never take back my kids, but it's exactly as you described. I used to have structure, discipline, and a generally positive attitude. All of that slowly got eroded away as I committed to someone who i thought was committed to me. They were only there for what they got from me. Supply, resources, a way out of their problems back home, they ran from their past to me, once the cycle repeated with me, they ran from me to the career i helped them build by paying for them to live while they paid off their student debts. All the excuses, deflections, projections, gaslighting and devaluing took place. Now that I've been away for a couple of months, i see all the red flags i overlooked for the last decade, ill never go back, but unfortunately i am now a coparent with a narcissist.

[@LonePines_]

Me too 4yrs 1 son - shes begging for a ring and im still holding out.

[@LonePines_]

Im not out - i cant face not waking up to my son first every morning and last thing he sees at night.

[@lightbourneai]

Same for me

[@erdemgelegen2452]

hows the attitude of your son towards you​@@LonePines_

[@dtacherra6063]

She would call me a kid and treat me exactly as described in the video, for water spots on the floor or counter.

[@trok90k]

I have been wrong the whole 15 years. Ive never heard an apology and yes I've had the whole catalog pulled out on me several times the score is 100 -0 in her favor. Have been dealing with her anger, irritation, and blaming me for everything that's wrong in her life. There is no sex and if so it's emotionless amd she gets mad at me for asking for it so i stopped. Constantly accusing me of manipulating. I had been convinced that there is something wrong with me and I'm in therapy healing while she refuses to go. My eyes are opening and I don't believe im the problem after all.

[@jamiecain3861]

I do see myself being these red flags for covert narcissistic behavior towards my husband. What about him “cheating” and going to strip clubs and gambling our money away? Over the years my behavior has become awful along with his. Now he’s making me watch everything about being a covert narcissist. He’s secretive about our finances and never helps around the house until I lose my temper my patience. Now 16 yrs later he’s finally getting council for himself and now putting me in the category of his bad childhood. There’s a lot of mirroring happening. Everything he’s accused me of he’s doing the exact same thing. I’m tired of the back and forth. When I would ask him anything he’d never want to communicate with me. And he’d have selective memory loss when it comes to his cheating but his text messages were very detailed to his affairs. I just wanted honesty. I too am getting counseling for myself.

[@Laurent402]

I want to cry, I could swear that you know my wife and talking about her.

[@mikeyoung490]

Omg ive said a thousand times im not the enemy! You are amazing thank you for your work

[@Arkasic]

God, when you imitated how they talk it sent chills down my spine. That's exactly how they talk to you, like you're an insect.

[@patrickrobert9001]

I would have loved to see content like this 30 years ago, but better late than never. Thank you for such clear descriptions of this type of character. I now have a much better idea of what to look for. To think that one of them even called me a narcissist, all the while trying to change me through unhealthy doses of criticism etc. Turns out they were the narcissist all along! I feel lighter just knowing that, and that also has really helped me. Merci infiniment Lise!

[@kwc7391]

I’m going through a smear campaign with my ex-girlfriend right now. She is always the victim.

[@joelaustin5408]

Smear campaigns are usually a fruitless, uphill battle. Narc's build a perimeter with the trust of your peers early on and then turn it against you like an electric fence when the poop hits the fan. Ignore it all and let the truth reveal itself. Time to become who you're supposed to be!

[@clintonnagy1662]

She is always the victim then blames you if your have problems and says " you're being the victim ". Childish.

[@Ghostecy]

How did you handle it?

[@clintonnagy1662]

@@Ghostecy Just remain quiet and not provoke her...lol

[@Ghostecy]

@@clintonnagy1662 is there anything I can say to mutual friends to help?

[@doranvee5944]

No positive reinforcement, no compliments, no encouragement, no real gratitude for extra effort. Mostly like, "That was yesterday. What did you do for me today?"

[@pilgrim9593]

While I totally recognize my situation 100% I would like to add 2 points to your list. 1. They are lazy. I don't just mean lazy. I mean LAZY. If they do anything it is such a effort even for the most simple tasks.. And will tell you how hard they had to work. And 2 rarely if ever will say thank you. I have a story to ilustrate this. Most of the times I do the cleaning around the house not because of her but because we have a kid together. And the answer would be "Oh, you didn't have to do that, I would have done it tomorrow" or something like that. Once I told her "If I did it I did it cose I wanted to not because I needed or was obligated to. A simple thank you would suffice." And she just made a face... So yeah. I did not believe this kind of people exist until it happened to me. I am resilient and this things do not affect me. I have a child with this woman and as I have my childhood trauma as well as obviously she has I want my child to have as little trauma as possible. So I have to stick around. There is nothing that life can throu at me that I can not handle and for my child I am willing to accept anything. It is just sad that we could have had a beautiful life but I guess that is just a illusion anyhow. There is no such thing. I still am bewildered of how this kind of people exist. It is like working against yourself and your interests. I just recently came across this information but it has been of great help to evaluate my situation and know how to deal with the problem. Thank you. Great work and you can be sure you are helping a lot of people. My advice to anyone in this situation is if you don't have kids get out fast. I would if I did not have my kid to worry about. Once again thank you and keep up the good work. ❤

[@criscainemusic]

I can tell you from my own experience, that staying in this relationship is even worse for the kid.Kids have very fine antennas for the dynamics between parents. And the mother will not only behave as a narcissist towards you, but also towards your child. My oldest daughter is in therapy too since a while, because of exactly that reason. I thought like you Ince, but it caused more damage than if I would have left my ex-wife earlier... My advice: Run! And take your kid with you!

[@MartyKeegan]

Really great stuff. You have a wonderful way of breaking these concepts down that make it all very relatable.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thanks for your positive feedback!

[@Paulroach6]

Wow Lisa you completely described my x partner and the relationship. Your accuracy is spot on. Anyone going through a Narc relationship then you must watch and learn from Lisa.

[@halemedeiros5908]

Lise, thank you so much for doing the work to be able to share your expertise with us. You present examples that I only wish I’d had access to and sought out years ago. It’s as though you are explaining the experience I’ve had word for word, example for example, video after video. I’m grateful. It’s timely. It’s helping me cope with having just closed the door decisively and started moving forward. It’s helping me realize it’s okay for me to love her and yet continue forward by myself and escape what has been a very disappointing, frustrating, exhausting, confusing, dissatisfying relationship. I’ve learned so much moving through it. Your presentations have helped me fill in the gaps and piece it all together comprehensively. I’m grateful.

[@WillyNillyBaptistBilly]

Thank you. I give you credit as the 1st person in the summer of 2022 for blowing the lid off of my CN.

[@LukasCoetsee]

What an excellent summary of the hell that awaits the victim. It's a lonely journey to recover from this type of abuse.

[@loudtim265]

Well, this video just changed my entire life. Thank! You!

[@serobboshnakyan1048]

Every single word you said in this video is what I am going through and is that person that something is that I love with my full heart

[@25N77]

Dear MS. Leblanc, I’ve watched too many videos to count about a female covert narcissist. Your outstanding video summed up my last 53 years exactly. Yes! 53!! I remember the very day she pulled the plug on me. It was a Saturday. I’ll never forget that day. Two years later she started her 10 year sex charged affair. I noticed some things were not right but I never considered what she was doing. Not even once. How stupidly blind was I!! I get it all now some 40 years later. It’s too late for me. Thank you.

[@MrGoncaloFigueiras]

Don't give up, even if you make it only at your last but free breath

[@RobertNelson87]

❤ I now see what I couldn't or didn't want to see all along. This has been the worst experience in my life. Luckily I was rescued by a coach after 11 months of relationship. I'm still recovering. It's a process. Trust in it and watch these videos whenever you get too sentimental about the past. You deserve better!

[@Candlelight787]

Truest words have never been said. Perfect description to the T. I had a pleasure of dating not one, not two, but three of those wonderful ladies.

[@Candlelight787]

@em7937 English. Do you speak it mf?

[@thomashennessy3585]

I just can’t get over how individuals with these tendencies can be so consistent. I must say that knowing what to expect goes a long way to diffusing or avoiding the associated traps. It was so confusing when I didn’t understand her need to be right and to find fault - and the insistence that she’s correcting my behavior b/c she’s trying to help me be a better person. I deal w/ mostly low-intensity efforts - but it’s unnecessary nonetheless. Mine is mired in religious superiority and political conspiracies - it’s just so predictable when the program kicks in. Thanks to you and others, I can see it turning on.

[@HealthWyze]

That means she's also in the subcategories of holy narcissism and cerebral narcissism. Run! That's like the worst of the worst combination. There's a double meaning whenever she's telling you that she's trying to help you to become a better person. What she really means is that you're not good enough as a person. She's probably already got a harem of other men on her phone on standby (with faked women's names). Whenever you see her sneaking off to the bathroom with her phone - that's why. It is almost guaranteed that she is grooming other people to be your replacement. It would be wise for you to begin preparing yourself for the discard now. The religious stuff is an overcompensation for the evil that's on the inside. The more depraved that they are on the inside, the more extreme they must present the mask to show the opposite. It's a sign that their Shadow side is far worse than normal. Extreme religious zealotry is usually used to mask either mental illness or evil, and there can be a very fine line between the two. Another, more spiritual way of looking at it is that the Devil always presents himself as an angel of light. His demonic minions do the same. And these people do, in fact, endanger one's soul as much as his sanity. Let me guess: Catholic?

[@christophergrundy4424]

So helpful to me - thank you so much Lise. I’m indebted as your diagnosis so accurately describes my situation regarding my ex partner and ways she manipulated me.

[@jacobgh9707]

Hi Lise You are just spot on! I enjoy your videos very much - here in my 2. year since I decided to terminate my 11 years long relationship with a lady, that had the behaviour 99,99 % as you have so cleverly summarized. Thanks❤for your services. Br Jacob, from Copenhagen

[@duckmann5000]

Lise, thank You so much for your videos they have helped me so much Blessings This Episode Nails it 💯⭐️

[@anduvo]

Lise thanks for the great content and the clear way you explain them. Introducing examples makes a whole difference and makes it much easier to understand this very nuanced topics of narcissism, many thanks for that.

[@davidrichard2761]

Hi Lisa, thanks for all your help over the last four years, I finally got burned enough set. My infatuation is over, and finally, I have listened to my friends, that I trust that she is not for me. However, she has given me the most wonderful times of friendship, and it’s probable that no other woman have a different sort of character could. Being an older gentleman who’s always been told has no confidence in himself, ….having the friendship of this rather attractive and lively woman has been very beneficial I believe. I didn’t call her a narcissist, I don’t really know I just know that your videos over the last four years have really helped me to see things in a perspective that’s very helpful.

[@salvatorepuccini4261]

Thank you for creating this video. One thing I'd love to see you expand upon is how narcissism is also inherent in anti social and bordeline personality disorder. Also how through social media we can more easily emulate successful people who might be higher in anti social traits and self centered actions and thus raising the bar for what is a normal level of narcissism by emulation

[@LiseLeblanc]

Great suggestion, Thank you!

[@MichaelLynMusic]

You just described a recent case study in dating!...Thank you Ma,am

[@bitley]

You are extremely precise Lisa, this is like a Nobody's Diary of what I went through. Another thing this strange woman did was freezing up in bed refusing to sleep at one time and she really vibrated out this extremely bad vibe and I had to explain myself for the like 47th time about a useless matter she decided to focus on deeply in the middle of the night. Whenever I nearly fell asleep she made sure to cry just a very little. Like a superb gaslighting trip.

[@criscainemusic]

Sounds familiar to me... My ex-wife had 3 or 4 subjects she regularly pulled out "to become depressive" about. These were all things that she knew exactly I wouldn't be able solve for her easily. The perfect method to make feel bad and make me "try harder" to make her happy, while anything I tried was never enough to satisfy her completely. It never crossed her mind, that she could have taken matters into her own hands to change her own situation. It was easier to keep me constantly on my tippy-toes and to give me the feeling that I owed her something while being passive aggressive. When I confronted her later on about it, before we had the divorce, she just said: "I didn't force you to do all that for me, it was your own decision, so don't complain about it now!" ... yeah, and my life would have been even more hell then! 🙄No accountability, everything was always my fault... one way or the other. Life can be so simple... for a narcissist.

[@believers2012]

From MY personal experience covert narcissists are much, much more subtle than what you have described. Yes, they gaslight, cause unnecessary drama, have a backpack full of things past experiences to use against their victims BUT they use these tactics sooooo covertly, so gradually that you never see it coming. They appear as the most wholesome, kindest, most caring person you ever met. They claim to support you, they might even occasionally pretend to help you, encourage you and so forth. However most of the time they are empty words and if they do act on their promises they half-ass it and never really deliver fully.

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

Agreed... they probably felt you wouldn't accept full on so they tone it down..still the same but sly

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

It's all about supply and where you are on the list .. she obviously still needs you..

[@ellobo1326]

Great video. I ignored countless red flags due to love and sex bombing. That was 30 years ago, when I had no idea what a narcissist/sociopath was. She was always the victim in every prior relationship/marriage that she described. She was extremely jealous if another woman even talked to me in a platonic conversation, yet I ultimately discovered that she cheated on me from the beginning to end (10 years) She committed numerous forgeries/identity theft’s on me and smeared me with lies the whole time I was with her and massively when I divorced her. I would give anything to have had the information from this channel and others like it, 30 years ago.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Definitely sounds like a sociopath… sorry to hear that you got entangled with this type of person but good for you for getting out of it

[@ellobo1326]

@@LiseLeblanc Yes ma’am. She was definitely a covert narcissist and also exhibited many sociopathic traits/behaviors. I got double whammied. It’s so empowering to be able to recognize these people now, regardless of the type of relationship.

[@morbarda9869]

Your videos are just a gold!!! Thank you so much! You saved my life! You don’t even know how much your content helping men’s in this situation!!

[@robertvaughn6646]

Let me add we have been married 30 years. She was 27 and now 58. Over half of her life has been with me and her moving out has been devastating. I'm 17 yrs older and now feel like an old man with no where to go.

[@herbertashby7009]

Thank you for explaining this so well. I went through this with my ex and it was like a living nightmare.

[@moto3463]

FACTS SPOT ON! 10 YEARS LATER THIS VID HITS!

[@johnmcadam619]

OMG, after 40 years of marriage, i finally woke up to realise i have a wife who does all of this on a very subtle way. I am despondent that it is incurable, our children knew her behaviour was wrong. Only now can i understand what is going on. Thank you for opening my eyes. I cry and feel sorry for myself being duped so badly. I will get myself together with counselling and leave😢

[@hurricaneaquatics]

Another great video, Lise. 200k coming this year!! 🎉

[@criscainemusic]

Perfect description of my wife which I was married to for 21 years. Happily divorced since last year March. I gave up all my dreams during these years and became a mental wreck. I am on the road to recovery (I guess), but it will take years and I realized that I will need professional help in order to find my inner center again... Me recommendation to anyone who is in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist: Just run! It will never get better, no matter how hard you try. Your partner doesn't deserve your loyalty and in the end you'll be dissolving as a person along the way if you stay in that situation.

[@imaginedo2407]

You can't win because your version of winning means you two understand one another, the relationship becomes real, strong and intimate and their version of winning means they dominate you with deception and manipulation and avoid accountability. You can't win because they are playing a totally different game - your game is how to have a lifetime meaningful partnership, theirs is how to have a slave.

[@auniversalwoman]

I see this happening to my friend. Poor dude. But now I understand why he's changed so much... 😢

[@doctortorre7052]

It is the description of the script, that the covert Narc. read and decided to play perfectly, Lise being the director of the play. Congratulations Lise!!

[@wizecorner2190]

Strangely you have a valid point so what should these people do ? ❤

[@opencanswithzans]

It is incredible how eerily similar all of this is. I never would have believed any of this, until I lived it.

[@TheToni2bish]

all ten of these tactics she did to me, you're so righty didn't know what I was dealing without wasn't a normal behavior,now I know what she was ,thanks

[@thierryperrenoud1460]

Extremely, extremely precious video ; thank you so much!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for your positive feedback!

[@RussHertaus]

Lise,,,, thank you ❤. Let's start healing and begin a healthier life.

[@TheBearfootKnight]

Breaks my heart this is the woman I’m romantically involved with. I see so much potential in her and to know I can’t save or help her is the worst feeling

[@citypadfilms8125]

I hope someday you will talk about the tactics they use against close/good friends. They put us on pedestal, treat us like we understand them the most among friends, and next minute we are the only ones who disagree with them (when we try to help them to see reality...). They accused me of always "siding with their spouses", and that "all the other friends said different", but then they always come back to me to vent more, and said that I was the only one who knows, and then ended the conversations with "You will never understand", "You're too lucky".... So confusing and annoying. Now I learned about this narcism I realized I was just wasting my time.

[@napsguns]

I've heard that "all the other friends said different" kind of thing, as you put it, many times. Pure gaslighting! They're prone to using this form of manipulation, among other reasons, because they can't fathom that someone has his own independent opinion based on facts and reasoning. "if I make him believe everyone else thinks different, surely he'll change his position" - that's how they work, they're empty, and they think others do too to some extent.

[@greenspointgridiron6455]

Im currently going through this exact thing. These signs are spot on

[@madyariel9014]

You didn’t ski a beat, everything said here is the most accurate video i have ever seen.

[@nightrider4370]

You're so good at explaining this. Thank you so much.

[@EriPages]

Great cheekbone development on this woman.

[@chamuuemura5314]

Along with other category, one I’ve had with both male and female boss is “poke the bear, claim the victim” tactic. One boss bullied my coworker about his private life. The coworker begged the boss to stop talking about a topic unrelated to work that was sensitive but the boss kept probing. Finally, he snapped. The boss immediately called HR, for whom I was temporarily filling in. I was shocked when I heard the boss’s tearful voice. Then I listened to employees who were there and saw the boss was the problem. Yet if there hadn’t been any witnesses, the report to real HR would’ve likely had my coworker fired. The problem is for covert narcissism, most targets usually don’t have witnesses. Unless people know the narcissist and see the behavior as pattern behavior, they will almost always blame the target. Combine that with triangulation and it’s game over.

[@AnyaAnnika67]

Hi Lise I know I've asked this before but I'd love it if you could do a video on malignant narcissism (male) & cyberstalking. 'My' narc cyberstalked me for near on 2 years; eventually I was hospitalised due to the trauma having suffered a manic episode. Initially I wasn't believed & gaslit but fortunately my fiancé became aware of what was going on & we started to accrue evidence. Honestly it was living hell - I was stalked in work, my phone hacked, all my social media accounts etc. I'm past caring what he could do with my information if anything it would just give me more evidence.

[@jimeikner6597]

thanks,after 50 yearsand a rekinndiling in 2012 i unnderstand.

[@-cs4kk]

I've been with a covert narc 4.5 years, and discovered her four days ago. It truly feels like I'm going crazy, it breaks my heart to see her cry and break down when confronted. But I'm holding firm, and every day the mask is more and more obvious. Thank you for the videos and to all the wonderful viewers who comment, all of you are a great help to someone in this situation

[@JamesNGames]

It is a challenging situation as my spouse, who operates covertly, currently exerts significant control over our circumstances. The issue arises from the fact that our shared property has appreciated in value, yet neither of us possesses the financial means to buy out the other. Consequently, we find ourselves at an impasse. Despite exhaustive efforts on her part, we remain unable to resolve the situation. It is particularly perplexing considering that her family has a history of diagnosed cluster B personality disorders, institutionalization, and instances of sexual abuse. Nevertheless, I am unjustly vilified for refusing to acquiesce to their manipulative tactics any longer.