10 Reasons Why You Can't be Happy with a Covert Narcissist

[@louisbee7923]

These videos are not only informational, they should be mandatory viewing for young men. How many men have had they lives destroyed and made miserable by these toxic abusers? I'm afraid this is way more prevalent than people think.

[@ce7190]

Two years down the drain. Didn’t see it coming

[@Kmack840]

Yup. 2 years as well. A trauma bond is an emotional jail cell. But escape you must.

[@YakobLTW]

@@Kmack840 5 years for me.

[@cliffyslicks207]

17 years for me

[@SteveoD-ov7xl]

Ohhh yes total waste of 4 years!! The first six months was the best, sex, fun road trips, then sex stopped. “Rejection “ at its finest!! She would have every excuse to justify no matter what, she was the president of the blame game! She would then play the victim, then called me the victim when I addressed her about her actions lack of empathy. It was a hell that I look back on, the time I invested, loved her to pieces. I thought I was going to be the strong positive one but no matter what…. You get knocked down as fast as you try to not cause any triggering drama, always being positive losing battle and it is a FACT!….you are not good enough, not appreciated, so unhealthy, always questioning myself, because I was always accused of being a flirt, contacting other women, as I never gave her any reason to think that other than she was jealous, as everybody has a little, which is normal, not to that extent! They really do damage and make you think it is and was your fault. So sad.!!

[@pauljordan3272]

Vulnerable covert narcissists are the worst type when it comes to NPD... The relationship starts with a happy sense of adventure and fun but watch out for the small cracks that start to unveil... the moods, the silent treatment, the lack of empathy and holding back on intimacy. They do give themselves away but it's so subtle, you don't fully understand it until you're out of the relationshiT. Horrible creatures indeed... and the worst part is they faked their love for you

[@hurricaneaquatics]

@@pauljordan3272 spot on with how it starts. I would also add a couple of what to watch out for in the first few months. 1) Rigid thinking, magical thinking. They won't discuss their opinions as they think they are right and they are super stubborn. This is where you might "offend" them in basic conversation. Magical thinking "I wish there was a spell, I wish I could win the lottery, I bet we'll have a private jet and servants one day". No, I'm not joking. 2) They'll be all about affection, intimacy, and sex QUICKLY, only to become a dead bedroom and starfish sex (if you're lucky) once they get you to move in together or similar. Once you marry, forget about sex, it doesn't exist in their vocabulary, at least not with you. If you meet their family, you'll probably say "Wow, where did these people come from....". Don't ignore that, it's what you're getting into, you just don't know it.

[@steveanhiron6764]

And it’s not funny !

[@BoomKing69]

Well... I risk being attacked for this, but: they didn’t fake their love. It is how they express their love. They loved you in their own way. The only way they know. Like how a vampire might love you while also draining you of blood. They would love to not be like that, but it is what they are. The true realization here is that there is “toxic love” out there, just as “weaponized sex” exists too. The thing is that we (men and women alike) find out the hard way.

[@flaviovms]

@@BoomKing69what do you suggest being the best strategy if you do not want to suffer?

[@pauljordan3272]

​@@BoomKing69I agree with your summary... they do express a kind of love. But that love is a mirrored love and is far from authentic...they might feel love, they project love, but there is only one kind of love and it's an emotion they clearly lack

[@hurricaneaquatics]

For everyone listening to this, it's 100% accurate. I've lived it for decades. It's absolutely soul stealing and will have you feeling like you don't want to even get out of the bed in the morning. It will affect your job, your life, your relationships, etc. This woman does not love you. They'll say they do, but their actions are screaming at you that they don't. Thanks Lise, excellent as always and almost to 200k!

[@noverguy]

Fabulous post! Dead on accurate along with Lise's video. There is no future with a Covert Narc - you have to run away.

[@effortless-one]

How long were you in this relationship or are you still in it?

[@hurricaneaquatics]

@@effortless-one 29 years married, 30 years overall. I am in the process of trying to get my affairs back in order so I can leave. I gave 100%, she gave 0.

[@effortless-one]

@@hurricaneaquatics Sorry to hear that. If you look in the comment I just posted my situation - similar. 30 years is a long haul and as men I think we hate giving up but sometimes that quality can be a curse. I am currently rebuilding a car which I will have finished soon - I have nicknamed it my getaway car :)

[@pharxahghxst3654]

man oh man i experienced it all in a 5yr marriage

[@lesilluminations1]

Lise knows this pattern of behavior inside and out. Her accuracy is uncanny.

[@ScottMcMaster-er4xj]

Yes but I think it manifests differently across cultures and per individual there is variance in what behaviors are more dominantly expressed on a spectrum. I am in an cross cultural relationship with a Japanese wife, who I believe is a covert narcissist and psychopathically unable to express empathy for others. She seems perpetually stuck in her own head viewing the world through a lens of her own victimhood and her own emotional states. Its like we are objects in her world.

[@lesilluminations1]

@@ScottMcMaster-er4xj sounds deadly

[@goldiesincity8005]

That's what I thought

[@Ej.-fc5md]

She is the best!

[@dannybmf]

"Even if you are the best firefighter in the world you are no match for a serial arsonist." - Love this line, so true.

[@Ken_oh545]

The bad moods can last all day yet when a friend or family member is on the other end of the phone it's all smiles and the enthusiastic tone of voice! The minute the call is over, the smile is gone and it's back to the flat monotone.

[@Ej.-fc5md]

100% right

[@clintonnagy1662]

No doubt. Going out for datenight I was excited to see her then she starts her negative crap. I say a funny comment & get the death stare for no reason. I thought by being nice she would change but it made her worse with the critisms. Or...we'd be out in public and she would constantly say I was embarrassing her for NO reason. Listen beoutch, if I'm so embarrassing to be around then maybe I need to find someone who appreciates me?

[@buchrisss]

FR though, it’s like jackal & Hyde craziness! She straight up telling you she’s NOT AUTHENTIC & can’t be trusted with that kind of on/off put on a show BS. I get no one’s perfect, girls are moody sometimes but if they can switch it on & off so easy….Run my friend, run for your life

[@Mike-xq7ib]

So spot on... I closed my eyes while listening to this and no kidding I feel sick to my stomach after reliving various scenarios tied to each and every one of these 10 points. It's been three years since I left my home and got my own place, 8 months since the divorce was finalized and I still can't bring myself to even go on a date with a woman for fear of picking someone like my ex again. I don't know how I'll ever trust myself again. She was a monster. I invited her into my home and my heart and she razed it all to the ground,

[@PoyTroy]

I hear you bro. Went through the same shit. I promise you though bro. There are solid women out here. You just have to vet them first. And for a long period of time. Don’t let your ex hold you back from dating. Since me and my ex separated 3 years ago. I have met a few cool women, that were the total opposite of the abuse I dealt with. But knowing me I’m not doing anything long term until my son is a little older

[@Mike-xq7ib]

@@PoyTroy That's good to read. Helpful. I may take your advice. Thanks & good luck!

[@PoyTroy]

@@Mike-xq7ib anytime bro ! And good luck to you too

[@grisnir]

Take your time. Recover. Do not rush. With time you will find your way and develop new patterns and new trust.

[@Mike-xq7ib]

@@grisnir ty

[@hannibal1119]

I found your channel last night and have been binge watching your videos about covert female narcissism, it has brought a Great sense of relief to my mind as I had failed in trying to Understand, connect, and love someone who, as I’m convinced now, was never and will never be capable of true intimacy and love. I wish to express my heartfelt gratitude to you, beloved lise. Thank You! 🙏❤

[@86rattlehead]

I went throught the same ordeal a few months back and these videos helped me a lot! It felt like I was going insane until I watched some key topics here. 😢 I cannot thank Lise enough for sharing the support and valuable information on how to deal with these painful behaviors. Thank you so much! 🙏 P. S. I still love my ex-partner and wish her the best. I really hope that someday she’ll realise the destructive relationship cycle and will treat her loved ones with more empathy and respect. I know the chances are slim, but I choose to believe that there is some goodness in people and they ultimately can learn from experience, even if it takes many years to get there.

[@tylerlane1702]

I hope you are doing well. I started therapy because I could not understand what the hell I just went through. My therapist immediately recognized narcissistic traits in my ex but I was wearing the rose-colored glasses and overlooked them when I was dating her. Stay strong. I know for me it's important to remind yourself that you are better off and that the person that affected you is really unwell.

[@hannibal1119]

@@tylerlane1702 Thank You! I had noticed many red flags in her behavior but always ignored them in hope that with love all will be healed. Well, I learned my lesson. And I even broke up with her before, without identifying her as a narcissist, but simply because of feeling traumatized in the relationship. Yet I was pulled back in Solely by feeling guilty for abandoning her. Hopefully I’ll do the necessary healing to never have to deal with her or anyone like her again.

[@factomator]

I can relate to every single word on here. The other commenters' as well I'm going to therapy this week

[@michaelguilfoyle7855]

@@hannibal1119 yep, there behaviour I found makes you google it looking for some kind of explanation and then bam up all this comes.

[@jessicalewis1097]

When I try to talk about my feelings and how her actions never matching her words, she gets angry and I’m told “it’s always about your feelings”. The silent treatments, the cold shoulder, the lack of affection and always having to meet goals to deserve love and affection. Heads games, future faking, lying, sneakiness, and constant searching exes on social media. I’m always the problem, nothing I do is enough or good enough.

[@bensunwolf]

were we with the same person?? 😅😭

[@MrMichaelWad]

Wow, that’s my relationship..

[@BJBlaskovichGaming]

That was my relationshiT with my narc ex gf.

[@philyeary8809]

​@@BJBlaskovichGamingsame here....they suck joy out like a vampire .

[@buildfireforchrist]

@@jessicalewis1097 i got "You cant trust your feelings " and the top hit "you're too sensitive "

[@nickf2170]

This is iron clad. If its not written down somewhere, it needs to be. Every word is 100% accurate.

[@Carl-pq9vd]

Thank you for this. Three years of pure hell. All of these. After three years of supporting her, she left me broken and homeless. I don't think anyone would believe my story. We need a book of men's stories. Scorched earth is her methodology. Everyone left for dead.

[@TheRoyalWe123]

"Don't go scorched earth" was the title of a sermon I heard in church during the (final) break up.

[@russell4824]

For me it was 27 years, and I have written a book chronically these years. I am in the process of getting it published. I call it "Purgatory"

[@Andreas-z9h]

@@russell4824 @@russell4824 I'm a writer and translator and it makes me happy you're doing this. Male victims of narc abuse often get overlooked. I think it swings back and forth between purgatory and hell. Mine has been following this pattern of abuse for all her adult life.

[@Nothoughtsjustvibez]

You sound just like her… especially with the pitty party. You act like no one else but you has gone through narcissistic abuse or else why say no one else would understand/ “believe” you? Why single out men and only seeking validation from them? I could tell you about my covert narc ex gf and how she left me homeless but “woe is me who would ever possibly believe the tragedy I’ve endured 😭” 🤦🏻‍♀️ they probably wouldn’t believe you because you sound like an unreliable narrator already 😂

[@Andreas-z9h]

@@Nothoughtsjustvibez if it makes you feel better to abuse me go right ahead.

[@Lkingfwdnevabkwds]

OMG...thank you for this video. When you see their subtle tactics...you'll still sound crazy trying to explain it to people that have never experienced it. And no matter what you tell folks...if it gets back to her, she will easily play it off and manipulate those around them. The ONLY thing you can do is move on, and don't even discuss them with those outside your trusted circle. Find a support group to validate your experience. It was real. They are professional victims. The cycle will continue. Be grateful that you are no longer in their emotional cycles. You will eventually see how much happier you were before them. Good luck to those going thru this, currently. They are cruel evil people and nothing will ever be enough. They damage everyone around them, even those closest to them.

[@josmclove4426]

They are vile!😵‍💫

[@garyharris4366]

I've noticed that, they love to use bold words to describe themselves. Whenever someone tells you that they are a Empath, to me, that has become a red flag.

[@sinntax]

If you go around telling everyone that you're an empath, in reality it's not that empathetic at all...

[@ChyroneMcThunderschlong]

"As an empath..."

[@stickyknuckles9800]

💯​@@sinntax

[@Ken_oh545]

Ah, 'empathy' (and its derivatives) that idiotic word did not even exist when I was a youngster

[@RicoMartini]

Lise, you are the catalyst for healing. Thank you.

[@amgod40]

It is amazing how well you understand and break this down. 10/10

[@josmclove4426]

Indeed💜👌🏾

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you!

[@effortless-one]

39 years married to a female covert narcissist. It was about 8-9 years ago that I realised that this was not normal married life for most. My research led me to FCN. About 5 years ago I came to my wit's end and told her it was over and she finally got help in the form of Neurofeedback which reduced her volatility by 80%. It is still not what I would call great (however we do have a friendship and some good times) as I have serious CPTSD from years of trauma. The horrible thing is I think of being single often especially after an episode (which usually occurs a couple of times a week right before bedtime) but feel I am in "no-mans land" - not bad enough to leave, and not good enough to stay.

[@TJKashatus]

1000000% spot on. The gaslighting is horrible. Thank you Lise.

[@Brianenoch0]

Listen up guys, if you see these patterns, run.

[@face2799]

Nothing you do will ever be enough with them. Never take them back after a discard either no matter what they say, you will be treated as nothing more than secondary supply.

[@clintonnagy1662]

She treated me as secondary supply. He mechanic asked her out, and she failed to mention she was seeing someone ( me ) and told me it was mean to mention that part. 😮 I can't believe the disrespect. Keep in mind, I was f-ing this woman 8 times a week for 2 years and being her son's playmate and met her family. There is NO reason why it was mean to tell another man she was in a committed relationship. Sad thing...I didnt treat her like the w#$re she was. I treated her to kind. Stupid me.

[@kinuthianjenga7422]

Words and action don't match. I never knew people like this existed. They will literally suck the life out of you .

[@danielverdel7502]

I had an ex who would always say I was like “Jeckyll and Hyde” when I would try to hold her accountable. It confused me cuz from my perspective I was just trying to get her to understand why I was upset and doing my best to resolve an issue. I later found out she was on Snapchat talking to someone she knew from work that whole time 😂. Being with her was like taking crazy pills cuz basically everything she said to me was projection or gaslighting.

[@modernrustics5069]

Realizing they don’t walk their talk is the first sign to begin your escape

[@effortless-one]

Energy vampires

[@Regalia31]

@@danielverdel7502yea.. I feel that way too sometimes. I feel forced to be Jeckyl or Hyde to respond to her current mood.

[@danielverdel7502]

@@Regalia31 yup… and the “mood” is all about manipulation

[@charleylyons6090]

Wow. Not sure what to say here except that my wife checks all the boxes in thos list. It has taken me 18 years to finally be able to recognize it all.

[@PoyTroy]

I pray for your soul. I dealt with this for only 5 years and it messed me up

[@agimezei]

Run away as fastest you can ! Thank God My Son left his girl friend after 5 years ! I knew the beginning that she was so evil but my Son didn’t see it. All his friends told him ! I am so grateful 🙏🙏

[@EdfromCanada]

Very true points. The only solution, for your own sanity, is to dump and ghost her, as quickly as possible. No dialogue, no discussion and?no investment of your precious time. You cannot dwell and have to move on as quickly as possible.

[@Recovery1001]

Thank you again for the video. Your videos have been the most helpful for my recovery. I came out of a 20 year marriage and ex girlfriend came to me like an angel and I was addicted. Before knowing much about narcism, I made the following points 2 years ago and I just couldn't believe or find an answer. The following are the list that I wrote down about my ex girlfriend. As Lise said..these are not in order. 1. LYING 2. MANIPULATION 3. DISRESPECT 4. OPTIONS OPEN 5. TEMPER 6. SUPERIORITY COMLEX. 7. EGO 8. SELF JUSTIFICATION 9. NO SELF REFLECTION 10. SECRETS 11. HYPOCRITE 12. UNAPOLOGETIC 14. NO ACCOUNTABILITY. I have tons of examples for all these, actually I compiled the list from my experience. I could have walked out, and I chose to stay because she did my romantic fantasy come true initially. Again thank you for helping me by doing these videos.

[@CharDaLuX]

Every time I watch one of your videos, I cry. Thank you for helping me see the truth.

[@davidhynd4435]

So, clearly, you've met my wife (soon to be ex-wife). I thought I'd met my soul mate. Instead, I was drawn into an insane toxic universe where nothing made any sense, and which eventually cost me everything I had.

[@erdemgelegen2452]

On the same boat...have a daughter of 2 years old.dont know how to protect her...do you have children fr her?

[@PoyTroy]

Get rid of her. This was my ex too , my daughter was two when we separated. The amount of peace I feel not living with her is amazing. And I still have a close relationship with my daughter

[@PoyTroy]

@@erdemgelegen2452I been here bro. It’s only the start. Get ready for family law

[@erdemgelegen2452]

@@PoyTroy happy to hear you have a close relationship with your daughter.wish you good luck and thanks for the answer

[@PoyTroy]

@@erdemgelegen2452 thanks man. Hope your situation gets better

[@DanielHernandez-pl7wc]

Spot on. My ex wife projected everything onto me, stating I was the black cloud, always in a bad mood, over analyzing, etc… she gaslight, berate, rage, and deflect every time I would bring up a concern. She would never take accountability and blame me for her reactions.

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

(Me) The sky is a vivid blue today -------- (Her) I knew you didn't like the color of my dress! A minute in a day living with one... 10/10 Lise, once again thanks....

[@sayno2672]

It's true that they have hypersensitivity. You can't imagine how sensitive they can get for a simple word. They make a correction to your speech because they can't stand your word choice. They don't follow the flow of conversation or reading context.

[@DrewClark-ov5up]

Too funny! I’m not allowed to use the word “fine” in my relationship

[@josmclove4426]

​@DrewClark-ov5up I wasn't allowed to use "babe" because most people use that pet name.Eventually she told me to just call her by her name.🤣

[@mbaksa]

I wasn't allowed to use word "but" 😂

[@factomator]

I wasn't allowed to use my accent from my first language and other word choices that come with its lexicon

[@PoyTroy]

I dealt with all this. Sensitive is an understatement lol

[@nicholaspita7791]

I used to be with a covert narcissist woman who call herself an empath while she was constantly devaluing and insulting and manipulating me. When Lise said they will literally call themselves empaths, I got blown back to two years ago. Glad that bullet was dodged!

[@AsAugustSleeps]

An empath is not necessarily a good person. Dark empaths will be in tune with your feelings and then use them to destroy you.

[@michaelgpartridge2384]

Wow, this is so well-crafted. Every point, every one - I lived for 16 years of total hell. Setting fires every day. I am surprised I live to tell this, it was pure punishment at every turn. These women are broken. They are also deadly: life insurance is a real thing. So glad I was not able to give her the wealthy widowhood she craved! Thanks for your excellent work, Lise!!!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for the positive feedback

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

This is the most accurate description of my ex I've heard. I need to keep and re watch this. My problem is she was so good looking I'm stuck, can't forget those good times and her beautiful face. I know I'm pathetic.

[@gettingschooled3094]

Yeah good looks usually sucks us in.

[@spacegirl226]

You're not pathetic. You were in love and attracted to this person. It's not pathetic to feel that way. Now you know the truth of what she is and how awfully she treated you. It's going to hurt for a while. Hurting over someone you cared about doesn't make you pathetic. Feel your feelings, work through the grief, and ensure that you never fall for her or a woman like her again. Being sad doesn't mean you're pathetic. You're heartbroken but not pathetic. You're human. You'll get through it.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@spacegirl226 thank you I appreciate your words. I'm a grown man and it's been two yrs, I've had therapy but still struggling, suppose that's why I feel the way I do. I know what she is and what she's capable of, but the beauty has me trapped. Obviously I need to move on somehow. Thanks again.

[@buildfireforchrist]

Know my ex huh...

[@punkntded]

@@JohnSmith-wo7nshey man just wanted to let you know I’m going through the exact same thing. She exhibits these signs and it was an insanely difficult relationship I had with her where I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. In the end we broke up because she chose to monkey branch with her exes despite the fact we were planning to get married! I lost my sense of identity, she moulded me into this version that was to her liking. I let all this happen BECAUSE SHE IS JUST SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL. She is the most beautiful person I can ever hope to be with. The sex was also the most insane I ever had. I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this. Despite all the negatives, I’m stuck because her beauty and sex appeal has me sucked in. I think about my nature as a man sometimes, despite having a rational brain I have little control over my animal instincts. It really sucks.

[@Marcin-vn4kk]

I'm always bit shocked with her videos. She is so calm, she is so right and accurate. But also every time she makes video like that I have impression that around half of women are like that: women at my local gym, neighbours, grocery stores etc.

[@Kaniala-l7s]

Women are predators by nature

[@MaestroMaxim]

Self-centered has been the word I’ve been looking for because the word ‘selfish’ can be confusing at times to use with describing their intentions.

[@nicolaprincipato]

Thank you Lise, very insightful as always. Yet, one thing I'd like to underline, is that the behaviors of covert narcissists are often mostly unaware, and this is possibly the biggest danger: they hurt you in every possible way, but when you try to tell them of your pain they do not understand, it seems you are talking to them in a foreign language. They literally have some kind of hole in their brain network preventing them to use the smallest empathy, and one of the worst things is that they not always harm us who are over-empathetic, but ultimately they harm themselves often in unrepairable ways. I have met one of these persons and she made me go crazy, but ultimately I saved myself while her life keeps sliding on an unstoppable downslope. Eric Berne would call them losers. Thank you again and all the best! Nic

[@russwj]

I’ve been such a sucker for the victim / poor me pattern. Wanting to help / heal / fix. Funny thing is I do have a need /, desire to serve in a way. A place to give. The food bank is a good beginning. Thanks for all your help Lise.

[@russell4824]

I can sympathize. I spent 27 years listening and falling for her "Pity Party" tales of woe It is a difficult road ahead and I wish you well

[@michaelcook3168]

Imagine what's like for a man to have a mother like this.

[@michaelgpartridge2384]

I don’t have to. I cut her out of my life decades ago. Having a scumbag for a mother is one rough road!

[@robjob6537]

I thought I had the greatest mom on the planet until 3 months ago. I finally realized the truth after 32 years. After she had 7 threats of suicide in 1 year, I finally woke up. On the road to happiness finally after 15years of depression.

[@JayA-k7m]

It’s very gutting and confusing.

[@ChuckF-oy2rm]

Jerry Wise has good videos for those dealing with narcissistic parents, his specialty. That damage can run deep as it starts from childhood.

[@michaelcook3168]

@@ChuckF-oy2rm Thanks for that info. It looks very promising.

[@ATTENUATOR28]

Quality descriptions and examples Lise.... just wish i had found your material years ago ❤

[@sonofagunn1967]

Lise, thank you for liking my earlier comment. I made it short, not knowing if you would read it since your video was a couple days ago. You have helped me to recognize what happened to me and heal much better than anyone. I’ve been listening for about two years now. I didn’t truly understand that she was narcissistic until I discovered you. And I finally broke all contact soon after listening to you. I remember that she hit every single description you gave for a female covert narcissist. She did everything to me that you described. She nearly ruined my relationship with my daughters and my life. When I discovered you, I was “out of the relationship,” but was still allowing her to control me in smaller ways. I was still doing favors. I had already met a wonderful, godly woman and we were dating. We became best friends and were married in April last year. We have a great relationship based on trust and mutual respect. We don’t argue. Not because we never disagree, but we talk through things and don’t sweat the small stuff. She came out of a narcissistic and very abusive marriage. But we have healed a lot and are still healing. For me, I credit much of that to you. Thank you for what you do.

[@sonofagunn1967]

Very grateful for you, Lise. It was funny you used the firefighter reference. I am a career firefighter. And yes, I spent over 11 years trying to put out the fires she started in our “relationship.”

[@rjlacroix3334]

I am also a retired firefighter . 8 years of marriage, loyalty, love and sincerely trying to get her the help she needed. This was the only fire in my 32 year career I could not extinguish. Lise is spot on ! I left the scene of this fire , but I know from learning all I can about this deeply disturbing subject that her fire is still destroying lives somewhere else in another city . I'm facing forward . I'm choosing to live my best life with much wisdom gained and in peace . 🙏

[@RoughDiamondsTV.]

thank god for a women exposing women you’re truly a blessing

[@tobiasdeppler5048]

Prepare for a longer healing phase afterwards with a cognitive dissonance that will make you almost go insane

[@VintageJunker]

This was very helpful. After a lifetime of living with a Covert Narcissist Mother, that recently died. I just went no contact with my older Sister, whom this video describes to a Tee.

[@RealJoshuaOg]

I hope you seek real balanced help thou , sometimes youtube can give very unreflective ideas.

[@TheRoyalWe123]

Broke no contact yesterday. Wow did she make me glad we're getting g divorced. Be careful folks. I was 20 when I met her. 30 during the divorce. So glad I skipped marriage counseling and went straight to divorce..

[@PoyTroy]

Good for you. Ya have any kids together?

[@Christopher-t9p]

Thankyou for this video. Im stopping myself messaging my soon-to-be ex wife and let her know "CONGRATULATIONS!! You scored a concrete 10/10 in this test....probably the only bloody test you would!" But then id be gutted id broken my no contact ive made myself do. Mixed emotions, but putting that down to trauma bonding...let her be someone elses problem, im done. Thankyou for helping me see clearly the last few months....great work and advice.

[@brianpead3692]

Lise, may I say what an absolutely brilliant summary you gave on such women. I was with one for 15 months and she acted exactly as you described- she ticked ALL of the boxes. Thank you for your good work. I admire what you do for men. Take care

[@BackSeatHump]

I have seen several of your videos in the last couple of days. I don't know if I will ever break free of my predicament (despite your help) but it is wonderful to hear the way you have described it in such an accurate way. That in itself is such a comfort. ❤

[@PoyTroy]

It is incredible how you can describe a covert narcissist down so specifically. You have literally detailed my ex perfectly. I went through all of this and more. Only thing is, I broke up with her before she could discard of me. But let me tell you she moved on to another man almost immediately. They bought a house together and everything in three months. It didn’t last long, ended it six months. Now that guy is in all kinds of debt and dealing with the trauma of being with her.

[@reynierwho]

Thank you for the video, I've always thought that I could save her even if I have to sacrifice myself and my happiness. But if the result is impossible, then I should put a stop to this and self respecting myself

[@peterstewart2252]

These videos are so incredibly valuable. When I experienced this I had no idea what I was dealing with, and had received no education on identifying abusive tactics like these ones from women - despite being a social worker! I would 100% recommend to any of my male friends that they see these videos, especially while dating. It is SO much easier to see this before you get into it.

[@majjkiel]

wow Lise you are great, people this is so accurate!. All the 10traits I totally see in my ex gf, you question all yourself, you feel never good enough and is immposible to satisfy her, she is using constantly all the tactics to please her. Every month its less and less attention from her, you are like a servant( financial, emotional,) then she suddenly leave, when she got new supply or got bored.

[@majjkiel]

and offcours eits all your fault and u are abuser - blame shiffting. Beware :)

[@rjlacroix3334]

Absolutely Spot on ! Thank you so very much for your life's work ! Truly helpful 🙏

[@freemandavy9868]

This information is so helpful. Thank you. Narcissists have a way of making you feel as useless as an eraser on an Narcissists pencil

[@Mattheus217]

This is incredible, thank you. It is painful to watch, yet enlightening and validating. I am amazed, my ex-wife acted and spoke these ways for years. We never seemed to have peace or real connection or affection. The woman I saw at the beginning left and never returned. She may have never been real. I was accused of not having any empathy many times. The negativity, blame, shame, control, devaluation, brainwashing, anger, blocking and withholding sex and intimacy, I never seemed able to make her happy. I rarely recall her admitting she was wrong, or being willing to. Now I realize I can’t “make” anyone happy, especially if they are unhappy inside and just see others as resources. I can only control me, and pursue healing and growth and seek healthy people. Michele Nieves has said this about covert narcs: “ I didn’t create it, I can’t control it, I can’t cure it.”

[@dongilchrist7385]

What a shame there aren't more women like you Lise.Thanks for your help.

[@MoMoneyMark501]

Thank you Lise !!! You are saving lives with this information

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for sharing your experience!

[@michaelpells1440]

This video nails it. It’s almost uncanny. Great insights, Lise!

[@bradlloyd6261]

It's an amazingly weird feeling to realize that you're basically describing a whole slew of women that I dated a long time ago been a lot of I didn't get it at the time makes you feel so bloody dumb

[@josmclove4426]

I understand exactly how you feel. We truly had zero clue!🤦🏽‍♂️

[@herberttartarotti2907]

Excellent explanation! Thank you Lise Leblanc! 👏👏👏👏

[@FodorPupil]

This is the single best video I've ever seen on the subject.

[@michaelguilfoyle7855]

Thank you so much for this. 💯 spot on. You are amazing.Your videos over the last few years have been amazing.

[@mkoppguidingforcema]

Your videos always seem to pop up in my feed at the right times, giving me the reminders I need to bring me back into reality. It's been over a year and a half since being discarded and about 8 months since our last contact. I'd like to say I've come a long way in my own healing since, and I have, but man, when those memories of what was thought to have been good & true come along...the crying, doubt(s), and especially the longing. It's still a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

[@davidmariopratt]

Your videos are amazingly accurate. I am having trouble with my ex and her controlling behavior around my child. She has played the victim card and the abuse card. I don't know how to combat this. Everyone believes her. Most everyone.

[@ivanramirez8145]

You must walk away from her, and go no contact, if your children take her side then leave your Kids.

[@talbenavraham1478]

​@ivanramirez8145 the very worst part is that for them children are a useful weapon to be used against you. Parental alienation is impossible to counter,it's like reprogramming someone from membership of a cult. Sad,painful but true.

[@GuitarSolosTranscribed]

This video really sums up like 10 years of my life. And of course it is still in process. Best thing is to stay calm, always remember what has happened before. Remember the history. Don't fall on todays tactics. And stay grey rock. Just no emotions to her. You will have to go through those feelings in your own safe place and people. Never give anything to her, She will use so many ways. Love to all the people in this situation, it is hell.

[@MasonKelleyWBT]

This is so crazy. I have a low self esteem from my relationship with a CN. Logically, I know that I am a great catch because feedback from the universe tells me so. Good Job, pleasent personality, fit and attractive, but I got caught in this cycle of trying to figure out how to prove myself or earn a happy relationship. It was absolutely demoralizing and confusing trying to be a better peron and just being met with failure. So I chose to move on. That is literally the only solution. You have to accept reality, understand it doens't make you a quitter. Settling with the narcissit makes you a quitter. I'm not dating, just detoxing for the last 4-5 months and still have a ways to go.

[@aaronlee4869]

I just got out of my relationship, and am just now figuring out exactly what happened. Watching these videos, they should have a picture of her with them. She checked every single box. I spent so much time never being able to do the right thing. Now I know the right thing never existed. Thank god I was in therapy for months before this ended.

[@Addahasan]

Spot on... All that point fits like a glove

[@carlosluna405]

VERY TRUE & CLEAR DESCRIPTION OF WHAT A NARC WILL DO TO YOU.

[@GPosner8]

I’ll keep this short;Thank you🙏🙏🙏

[@Daniel-er7vs]

Thank you Lise

[@matthijnvos6091]

this is a one on one blueprint of my ex that destroyed my life. I wish I would have see. this 15 years ago. its like I hear her describe her exactly. there is nothing in this video I do not recognize and can give 100 examples for without even needing to think

[@hiimnewt]

I feel so validated. Wish I had found Lise while I was in the thick of it!

[@douglasmiller1212]

It's a shame so many of us suffered through a mishmash of these signs, symptoms, and situations and had to experience so much pain before finding content such as this that explains, pretty much everything, in a neat package. The lost months or, in my case, years of life struggling to make it work are so sad to think about.

[@ChuckF-oy2rm]

It takes a while to come to terms with narcissistic abuse whether it be an intimate partner, parent or friends. It's a real roller coaster ride and the damage inflicted can run deep. Thanks to Lise (and others) for promoting awareness which is the first step. Extract yourself from the toxic situation if you can (more challenging with parents), get counseling and self-educate yourself. You can't "fix" the narcissist. Identify them quickly and get out. Good luck to all.

[@Private_Pookie]

I think the kicker here is that as men even as little boys, alot of these traits get written off as just traits of being a woman, so we as men actually grow up thinking its actually normal to deal with this. We become immune to it almost especially when raised in single mother homes. Its a deep rabbit hole when you actually take the jump.

[@bratanyaroslav3561]

Another Lise Leblanc video I’m sending to my brother, hoping one day he will get the message

[@TargetNSA]

Thank you for these videos! This saves lives!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for the positive feedback!

[@tomhill31]

I had all of the above. Used to love the stone walling, alienation from activities with her family and the gaslighting. Used to get to the point where I'd dread her car pulling onto the drive.

[@YakobLTW]

It is good to learn this, in my healing journey. But damn, it would have been nice to know before or during the relationship.

[@trevinsteigleman9804]

I had to end a relationship I was in 4 months ago. Everything you said in the video was exactly what I went through. I’m still trying to process everything, she moved on within a 2 weeks or so after I broke up with her.

[@1611RAW]

I have been watching a lot of videos. This one single handedly perfectly describes my life over the last 21 years. I am 45 years old. I should be successful but I am not. 2020 was supposed to be the final discard but after being publicly humiliated, reputation ruined, forced to drop out of my masters program, repeatedly cheated on and driven to the brink of suicide with no idea of what a covert narcissist was. I came back when she nearly dies from excessive partying and disregard for her own medical limitations. I now live accross the street. We have numerous children adult and little. There is a books worth of insanity I could express but it is utterly astonishing the way she fits seamlessly into these described patterns. There are some minor differences and we have 9 kids together. This video is perfect. I willnresist the urge to blather.

[@tomtravis3077]

My apologies if I am over commenting on videos. I just found this channel. The worst is when you have serious health issue. A couple of days before my wifes 50th, I sustained an accidental concussion. There was no way that she didn't see it as my fault. I got a full on rage tantrum while my head was swimming. If I have a minor illness or a migraine, and I tell her? The most common response is 'I am not feeling well either'. So now I have to take care of her. So I don’t tell her. The other thing is the absolute inability to comprehend conditional hypotheticals. It makes it impossible to game out long term strategies for any issues in our household, jobs or marriage. If you say it, that means you're going to do it. There is no abstract thought. Basically if I did 1% of the things she has done to me to her, I would live in a cell the rest of my life.

[@dougstevens2216]

Wow...a total blueprint of my CN wife of over 22 years. Scary! Great video.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for your feedback! I’m glad it was helpful.

[@thatkarbide]

Wow, I spent 25 years with this exact type of person and as much as I love my kids it was def a mistake to do so with her. Now I know my kids will have to deal with these issues unfortunately. 3 years later and I'm still looking over my shoulder.

[@darinsmith2458]

I need to trust myself more.. I can feel the energy of other people.. When my stomach starts turning I need to turn and run..

[@NepomukSultan]

I absolutely love your videos. They really helped me through a difficult time. Could you make a video on spotting the difference between a covert narcissist and a borderliner in a relationship? I'm not sure which of them my partner is/was, only that it was toxic and had phases of idealization and devaluation, extreme hypersensitivity, black and white thinking, and many of the other red flags that keep recurring in your videos on BPD, covert narcissism, and toxic relationships.

[@Gagsi73]

Thanks for your video on this topic again. All these aspects are very familiar. I've been going through torturous experiences like that. It's scary though that I seem to behave already like the narcissist..exhibiting similar behavior. 😖 Anything she says triggers me as I can already sense the manipulative questions or comments. I try to distance myself in order to not face these situations it that gets her just more furious. She threatens to kill herself and comes up with all kind of things to force sympathy or jealousy out of me. And it just makes me want to actually discard her. It's scary how I seem to mutate into the same. Is that normal?!

[@factomator]

Run! And yes, that's normal. Their subconscious objective is to make you feel the hell and pain they have inside and make you their slave Watch Prof. Vaknin's videos on here. He says that they're like a virus or vampire if you will

[@michaelrussell8324]

Yes, this video is the most accurate depiction of my ex-wife I have seen, 3 years since moving out (I moved out and filed for divorce) and I am still in recovery and therapy. I am starting to think about dating again but am scared to pull the trigger and put myself out there. I had threats of divorce and suicide many times during our marriage over small things where I put up a boundary, it was used to make me back down and let her win any argument or do anything she wanted. I know she would have discarded me, I don't know when that would have been but we had kids together and were basically roommates raising kids as she wanted nothing to do with our relationship and I was just a burden to her. I feel that she was just not ready to discard me as I was financially supporting everything, whether it would have been after the kids move out or something else I don't know but I didn't see any future together. After marriage counseling over many years with 3 different therapists, things were only getting worse. I felt the only option she left me was to leave and divorce.

[@Anthony-e1t]

Very spot on video, thanks once again.

[@merleheath7816]

Lise, listening to you is surreal. I am dumbfounded. You are an angel.

[@BillCipher1995]

Wow! So I was right! "I always just ignore my problems, and they eventually go away."

[@jimig399]

#6 was the one that blew my mind. I articulate myself concisely. To have my words twisted into something that i did not say, think, feel, infer...made me stupid i guess because i was endlessly explaining myself for things I should not have...and i didn't get it.

[@bulevartz]

After 5 years of marriage and two kids, last week I have found out on youtube that my wife is narcissist. Through years I have been manipulated, abused, asking for approval like I am a child, she was playing victim... I could see it through, but I stayed silent(wrong) just for the peace in the house.., I have tried so hard, the more I did the worse it got. One day I said no more. I am losing myself...This is not me... I got it on my own about 2 years ago, I cannot satisfied her, it is not my problem.Too late for me to walk away because of the kids, but no more supply(money, presents, care, etc..) from me, either my way or the highway. What ever I do not like, I just say NO. Period. After that my life became much better. Now watching youtube videos, everything make sense, but I have already set boundries. God bless you all.

[@bigt4331]

This is so hard for me to realize. I'm self aware BPD Married to female covert narcissist. And we have a 5 year old daughter. Our relationship has been extremely toxic since the honeymoon wore off. She's my favorite person and soul mate. But she treats me terribly. Deliberately triggers me and then when I get upsett she moves in for the kill. I donr know what to do. I think I love her.

[@punkntded]

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s terribly difficult situation to be in. Knowing FCN, they are not willing to accept something may be wrong with their behaviour. This will be an uphill battle. I hope you can get professional help for both of you

[@NavdeepSingh-qf5eb]

I wish I found you a year ago. Fuck, you are saying sooooooo much like you've been there, documenting my journey. I am crying right now coz I kept thinking I am a horrible boyfriend. Thanks so much. God bless you 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾✨️✨️✨️

[@YoBeAwesome]

This was our story

[@Cowface]

For me, there was a very simple reason I couldn’t be happy with a covert narcissist: I wasn’t allowed to. When she came home in a bad mood, which was most of the time, my job was to be in a bad mood with her. If I maintained my good mood, I was invalidating her and she took it upon herself to make sure I was in a bad mood. You can imagine how she did that…

[@youknow5981]

I’m female, a Borderline with mixed covert narcissistic traits, but I also have ADHD and complex ptsd, PMDD etc. I attract guys who are either also neurodivergent or covert narcissists. And at the moment, I’m seeing someone just like this. The difference is, I’m very self aware, and he isn’t. When I get involved with someone I do have a habit of oversharing about past traumas, but I rarely love bomb; instead, I will let my new partner know that I can indeed be a nightmare. That I’m transactional, demanding, moody, abusive etc. Even when I’ve been brutally honest about my needy and abusive ways, the guys always say something like “I can handle this, and at least you’ve been upfront.” But within a few months, they learn the hard way. The person I’m seeing now is most certainly an insecure, covert narcissistic man.

[@russell4824]

Thanks! Another great video Every point spot on

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for your positive feedback!

[@mikejames9642]

This describes my 50 year old single mom ex girlfriend perfectly. The love bombing was insane. Sex the first night we met and every single time that we were together. I was just coming out of a LTR when I met her so I didn’t really fall for her. Using her description, she was very satisfied to be “f buddies”. It was crazy sex for a year without any major issues. I did find it weird that she could be hours late for a date but never really seemed apologetic… just blamed it on being a single mother. After a year, she sat me down and said she needed more… more commitment, more time together… I very uncle told her that I did not want the same thing and suggested that she move in to find what she was looking for. She didn’t move on, she kept throwing the sex at me but started insulting me occasionally and becoming a smart a$$ accusing me of using her. I should have dumped her but she kept up the sex which she appears to love… 5-6 times a day. Things got really weird, like living in the twilight zone. I agreed to spending more time with her and her kids. But, the more I did, the more she needed. She became irrational, angry, insulting and moody. Total bitch. She kinda got into my head for a while before I found this KZbin channel and figured out what was going on, She backed off but would still reach out for some weird need to see if I would respond. I decided to play along just to see where it would go. Just got crazier and crazier but the sex was still consistent. She is still a real charmer when she wants to be. I can see where a woman can screw a man up in the head with the over the top love bombing. Lucky for me, u didn’t want to be in a relationship and my experiences with other unstable women kept me at a distance. I’ll admit that she screwed my head up for a while. If a woman is hypersexual, be very careful. You are most likely in for a while ride and it isn’t all good.

[@lilgiltrill]

i’m not innocent i could do a little more around the house, but I work 48-64 hours a week and we BOTH chose she should be stay at home mom, but the verbal abuse i get daily is insane. i want to stay together for the kids, so they can see one person can remain calm but im losing my mind. your videos help a lot! thank you

[@rjklassen71]

100% what I experienced wow . She must have been sitting on my shoulder . Watching my relationship . So spot on .